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“I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life,” Yoongi mumbles, not quite conscious anymore, with the medicine making him drowsy. Yoongi closes his eyes, so Hoseok can’t tell when he falls asleep.
“I’ll make sure of it.” Hoseok doesn’t know if Yoongi can still hear him, but he needs to say it. It’s dark out, so late it’s almost early again, but Hoseok tries to fight off his own sleep just a little longer. He settles deeper into the chair next to Yoongi’s bed, and looks around the room. It’s dimly lit right now – the lights never fully turn off – but the stark, sterile whiteness is still clear as day. There’s rubber gloves attached to the cupboard, and the disinfectant and soap are next to the little sink, and his mind drifts off to a vision of doctors rushing in, quickly cleaning their hands as to not make the patient – faceless, in his mind, unable to picture Yoongi in that situation – more ill by infecting them with whatever disease could be on their hands.
It’s not a pleasant vision, with Yoongi asleep next to him, but he can’t seem to stop it. He looks back at Yoongi, but that does very little to calm his nerves. His fiancé looks too sick to calm him down. Yoongi’s cheeks have hollowed out, and the bags under his eyes are deeper and darker than they have ever been. His breathing is slow, shallow, but steady. His eyes are closed and his body is still.
Aside from the rising and falling of his chest, he could’ve been—
Soon, it’s been hours since he fell asleep, but Hoseok still cannot look away from Yoongi. He looks small under the white sheets that are thin enough to show his bony figure underneath, but Yoongi had complained that he felt warm before falling asleep. Hoseok has been watching him, so tired he could fall asleep standing up straight, but he doesn’t want to miss any more seconds with Yoongi than necessary. He won’t to lose time he fears they might not have. Even if Yoongi’s asleep, Hoseok still wants to experience these moments.
He stands up to get a quick, disgusting cup of coffee. It’s not that he wants to leave the room, but he has to, needs to, if he wants to not fall asleep within the next few seconds. He doesn’t even like coffee very much, but he’d hate missing any time with Yoongi more. But the machine is broken, so he returns to his chair empty-handed and sinks down in it. He doesn’t remember when the last time was that he’d slept a proper night, and he’s slept even less over the past few days. Sleeping in these plastic chairs was horrible, but he refused to go home. Not alone, not while Yoongi was lying here.
The sole reason the nurses even let him stay is because Yoongi has a private room. That was usually a courtesy they only gave to people who—
Hoseok banishes the thought from his mind. He would only think of Yoongi being safe here, right now, right next to him. He refuses to think of the future, uncertain as it is. He pulls out his phone, finding that he has a text from Namjoon from many, many hours ago (leaving Hoseok kind of surprised he hasn’t looked at his phone in over ten hours). Namjoon had brought dinner over, but Hoseok wasn’t home. So now, even though it has been hours, Hoseok texts back that he’s still at the hospital, and that he doesn’t know when he’ll go back home. Then, he pockets his phone again.
He keeps staring at Yoongi until his eyelids become heavy, still trying to fight off the sleep that’s battling to overtake him. He stands up, hazy from the lack of sleep, sneaking over to Yoongi, and gives him the gentlest kiss on his forehead. He thinks that if he presses his lips any harder, Yoongi would break right under him.
He sits back down, and listens to the soft beeping of the heart monitor, proving that Yoongi is alive, even if his breathing is so slow the movements might not be visible at all.
Hoseok sighs, breath quivering, falling deeper into the chair as the room begins to brighten at the first rays of light of the new day.
---
Hoseok had taken Yoongi to the park for a date. It had been a while since they’d been on one, but Hoseok was glad that, today, Yoongi had the strength to get out of the house. Of course, he was sitting in his wheelchair as Hoseok pushed, but they were together, spending quality time in the fresh air.
“Where do you wanna sit?” Hoseok asked.
He could hear the smirk in Yoongi’s voice when he replied, “I’m already sitting.” But then his shoulders sagged and Hoseok knew how upset he was at the fact that his legs were unable to carry him for any more than approximately five steps, and then only if he was supported by Hoseok. He hated feeling weak, but Hoseok thought he was the strongest person he’d ever known. The way Yoongi hadn’t given up, not for a single moment in this journey, which had taken over two years now, that was true strength to Hoseok. Two years of being sick, and he was still fighting, despite how tired he was.
“You know what I mean,” Hoseok said through a snicker, perhaps a moment too late and a bit too forced, but Yoongi’s shoulders shook once with a nose-laugh, so Hoseok counted it as a win. He wondered if he could make Yoongi’s gummy smile come out again – he hadn’t seen it in a while and would very much like to see it soon.
“I don’t really care where we sit, Seokie, so long as you’re comfortable.”
Hoseok merely hummed in reply. He decided to look for the prettiest spot, with the most flowers and the greenest grass and the brightest sunlight. Only such a spot would be good enough for his Yoongi.
It took ten more minutes of Hoseok pushing Yoongi’s chair for him to find that spot, but when he did, it was perfect. There was even a bench at the edge of the path, so Hoseok could sit next to Yoongi, and he didn’t even have to push him over the grass. It was perfect.
“Thank you, Seokie.” Yoongi smiled a watery smile. “I’m glad you dragged – well, pushed – me out of the house. I really needed a change of scenery.”
Hoseok took Yoongi’s hand and squeezed it. “I would do anything for you, honey. I’m so glad you’re feeling good enough today.” Hoseok sniffed slightly, trying to will his tears away. “I’m savouring every second I can get with you, and I know you feel the same.”
“You know,” Yoongi said, and Hoseok could see the tears welling up in his eyes. “Marrying you is still on my bucket list.”
“Good.” Hoseok couldn’t stop the first tear from falling, but he took a deep breath and held the others in. “Because it’s also on mine.” His voice raised in pitch, his throat tightening as he spoke the last two words.
Yoongi reached over, and with a bony hand, skin thin as paper and just as pale, wiped the tear from Hoseok’s chin. “Let’s eat, yeah?”
Looking at the ring Yoongi now carried around on a necklace, Hoseok nodded.
---
“Hyungie,” Hoseok yelled, in the direction of their bedroom. “Do you need any help in there? We have to leave in five minutes.” But when no reply came, Hoseok decided to go take a look. “Yoongi hyungie,” Hoseok said before opening the door, “you ready?”
Yoongi was sitting on the edge of the bed, head between his knees, fingers threaded through his hair. “I got dizzy,” he mumbled.
Hoseok shot into action, hurried over to Yoongi’s side, pulling him into a hug. “Oh honey, are you okay?” He pressed his palm against Yoongi’s forehead, but he wasn’t exceptionally warm. “You don’t have a fever. Any other symptoms I should be worried about?”
Yoongi shook his head, but his shoulders shook with a sniffle.
“Honey…” Hoseok pulled Yoongi up, tilting his chin up to look him in the eye. “We can just stay home. The boys will understand.”
“We—” Yoongi hiccupped, “we haven’t been to any of their parties in months. I told you I felt up to it today. I—I won’t go back on that.” He took a shaky breath, and straightened his back. His eyes were teary, his nose red, and his mouth pouty.
Hoseok slowly breathed in, trying to stabilise himself before replying, “We can be a little late. Do you need some time? Some extra painkillers?” He stroked Yoongi’s back, in an effort to soothe him, and it seemed to work. Yoongi melted into the touch, and a sad smile graced his dry, cracked lips. He nodded, and so Hoseok immediately got what Yoongi needed. He took the painkillers out of the bedside table, and rushed to get a glass of water. When he came back, Yoongi had lain back, feet dangling off the bed, exactly where he had been sitting.
“Here,” Hoseok whispered, handing Yoongi the painkillers and holding out the glass. With his other hand, now that he wasn’t holding the pills anymore, he helped Yoongi sit back up long enough to swallow and then slowly lowered him back onto the bed.
Hoseok left the room, to let Yoongi rest for a bit, and dialled Namjoon’s number. “We’ll be late, if we can make it.”
“Yoongi?” Namjoon asked, to which Hoseok hummed in reply. Namjoon had heard, seen, witnessed enough to know that there would be no other reason for them to be late. Hoseok had always liked to be punctual, but that had become impossible recently, needing to fuss over Yoongi before he could tend to anything else.
But it was no big deal, Hoseok had decided before. Yoongi was more important than anything else.
“I’ll tell the boys, but I’m sure they’ll understand. Don’t worry about it, and just come when you can.” There was an if in there, ‘if you can’, but neither of them acknowledged it.
Just over half an hour later, Yoongi texted Hoseok that he was ready to go, so Hoseok went over to the bedroom to help Yoongi into his wheelchair. Some days he would insist on not needing it, but today that battle would have been futile. There was no way he could convince Hoseok to let him walk – and there was no way he could have walked either way.
Hoseok knew the days Yoongi could go without it were slowly reducing, too. And he’d be needing yet another surgery soon, another one in a string of never-ending hours on the operating table.
Getting in and out of the car was a hassle; first, transferring Yoongi from the chair into the seat, then folding up the chair, and then the other way around when they arrived. But the smile on Yoongi’s face as their friends hugged him was priceless.
Jimin looked so happy, rambling about how he had missed his favourite hyungs – Seokjin had faked offence, before winking at Yoongi – and Jeongguk started clinging onto Hoseok, so Taehyung took it upon himself to help Yoongi onto the couch, together with Namjoon.
The evening was amazing, even if Yoongi was tired during most of it. It was great, Hoseok thought, to see his fiancé having fun again with their friends.
Everyone avoided talking about the elephant in the room, knowing that Yoongi hated being reminded of just how weak his body had become. That was good, though, because now, Yoongi was allowed to forget for just a few hours, despite Taehyung and Jeongguk almost fighting each other every time one of them wanted to get something to drink or eat for Yoongi – they both wanted to help, and it was cute. Yoongi even giggled a little about it (and his giggles were Hoseok’s favourite sound in the world, so he refused to scold the boys for arguing).
Of course, going out when his body was too weak to do so left Yoongi bedridden for almost a week, they found out almost immediately after coming home, but Hoseok refused to stray from his side. After their first date, Hoseok knew he wanted to vow in sickness and in health, and the fact that he hadn’t yet been able to officially promise that didn’t stop him from making it true.
---
It was the day before Yoongi’s sixth surgery, and Hoseok was on edge. The doctors had told them that this one would be more difficult than any of the prior ones, and that more complications could arise.
But if he didn’t have it, he was certain to live for not more than a few harrowing months.
The entire day so far, Hoseok had pottered around the house, doing chores and cleaning what was already clean, just to pass time, to occupy his mind, while Yoongi was dozing off watching some anime Hoseok didn’t know the name of. Now it was close to dinner time, and Hoseok realised they had no food in their fridge, and they couldn’t order with Yoongi’s dietary restrictions, caused by the medication.
Yoongi was sleeping, but Hoseok, with pain in his heart, had to wake him up. “Honey,” he whispered, shaking gently at his shoulder, “I have to get some groceries.”
Yoongi groaned, nodded, and snuggled deeper into the couch.
Hoseok covered him with a blanket, and placed a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes. Call me if something’s wrong, okay?”
But when Hoseok came home, not even fifteen minutes later – he’d rushed, sensing something was off – Yoongi was lying on the floor, passed out a few steps from their bathroom. Hoseok dropped the groceries, didn’t even think to take his shoes off, and fell to his knees as soon as he’d reached Yoongi.
“Hyungie,” he said, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. His hands were shaking as he touched Yoongi’s face and shoulder. He was still breathing, he was still alive. “Yoongi hyung, wake up. I’m going to call an ambulance.” Hoseok pulled out his phone, and dialled the alarm number just as Yoongi opened his eyes.
Yoongi tried protesting, but Hoseok wouldn’t have any of it. All he wanted was to know if it was even safe for the surgery to continue tomorrow, and the only way to find out was to get Yoongi to the hospital.
“I just want you to get better,” Hoseok said, as a way to apologise, as a way to remind Yoongi that he would do anything in his power to aid his road to recovery – if he ever managed to reach that final destination. But Hoseok didn’t want to think about that, not when the paramedics could show up at any second now to bring them to the hospital, where Yoongi would most likely spend the next five hours going through tests and check-ups before he could rest again.
Hoseok called Namjoon when he was in the waiting room a bit later. “Yoongi’s in the hospital again. He passed out while I was doing groceries.” And only then did he allow himself to break down, to cry, to relieve some of the stress. “I’m so scared,” he sobbed into the receiver, “why isn’t he getting better like they said he would?” His body was trembling, and his mind raced a mile a minute, launching into a panic attack. He didn’t hear Namjoon say that he was on his way, he didn’t notice enough time passing for Namjoon to arrive, and he only barely felt Namjoon’s big arms enveloping him in a hug.
“I’m here.” Namjoon pulled Hoseok’s head onto his shoulder, stroking his hair, knowing that would calm him down. “Hyung is in competent hands.”
“But what if that’s not enough?” Hoseok’s voice was small, afraid to show his fears, afraid that confessing them out loud would make them come true. “It needs to be enough, but it’s not working. Why is it not working?” Hoseok sobbed louder, certain that Namjoon’s shirt was now soaked with tears, but he didn’t know how to stop anymore. Hoseok knew that Namjoon wasn’t a very touchy person, but that was what made his comforting hugs even better.
Slowly but surely, Hoseok managed to calm down, managed to stop the tears – but only because he had seemed to run dry. Just minutes after that, a doctor came in, to announce the results of the tests. As it turned out, Yoongi’s blood pressure had dropped, a known side effect of his daily medication, though it wasn’t very common.
Still, Hoseok was relieved that this incident hadn’t been caused by a bigger issue, and that the doctor could prescribe additional medication, that the surgery planned for the next day could most likely proceed. He hoped that this would be a turning point.
The doctor still had to run a few more tests, though. He’d said they were probably unnecessary, but it was hospital protocol to run them. So, Hoseok and Namjoon had to wait even longer, though it was more bearable now.
“We haven’t been out much lately. Him especially.” Hoseok started talking, staring at his hands folded across his lap, while he waited on the plastic chairs next to Namjoon. He didn’t know why he started talking – he just did. “I don’t want it to get worse, but I gotta prepare for that, don’t I?” He turned his head, looking at Namjoon, who stared into the distance, contemplatively.
“I think it’s always good to prepare for the bad,” Namjoon said, after seconds of silence. “But remaining hopeful for the future is important, too. And you, Hoseok, know best how to do that, right?” Namjoon smiled gently. “I’m sure your typical, sunny disposition has been good for Yoongi. No one likes to be sad all the time, but I don’t think he could’ve been even a little bit happy without you. I’ve known both you and Yoongi for so long, and I can’t remember a time when he was as happy as he’s been with you.”
Hoseok didn’t reply. He couldn’t bear to think of what would happen if things got worse – could he stay ‘sunny’, as Namjoon had said? Could he keep Yoongi happy?
Just as the silence began to feel awkward, the door to the waiting room opened, and the same doctor of an hour or two earlier walked in. He told Hoseok that they would postpone the surgery, at least for a day, and that they would keep Yoongi overnight for observation.
Well, Hoseok thought, there isn’t much overnight left, anyway. But he didn’t say that out loud. “Can I see him now?” he asked instead.
“I’m sorry,” the doctor said, “Mr. Min is asleep as of now. I doubt he’ll wake up for at least a few more hours, so I recommend you go home to rest as well. Visiting hours start at ten.” Then he stuck out his hand for Hoseok to shake, as a more polite way of telling him to leave.
Hoseok, when he finally got home again, made sure to set his alarm clock to go off in two hours. It wasn’t much sleep he’d be getting, but he wanted to leave as soon as he could, which was either when visiting hours started, or when Yoongi would wake up and call. Whichever one came first.
---
Hoseok was excited. He was taking Yoongi to go see a movie, for the first time in over a month. They used to go weekly, before Yoongi got sick, but that wasn’t an option anymore. He rolled Yoongi’s wheelchair over to where he was sitting on the couch, but Yoongi shook his head upon seeing the contraption.
“It’s fine,” Yoongi insisted. “I can walk.” But his body needed the extra support, the chance to rest while Hoseok pushed the wheelchair. Yoongi, though, refused to give up. He was stubborn like that, always forcing himself to go just beyond his limits, purely to prove that he could, and Hoseok loved him for it. He really did – but he also feared it would be the end of him. Still, Hoseok nodded, and watched as Yoongi’s knees buckled under the weight of his body.
Hoseok stayed close, ready to catch him if he were to fall. He always did, but this time Hoseok was proven right sooner than he’d hoped. While putting on his coat, Yoongi already became weaker at the knees – literally. And when he put on his shoes, he had to sit down.
Hoseok knew what that meant. Yoongi hated putting on his shoes sitting down; he preferred to crouch, thought that was more comfortable, easier.
“Hyungie,” he said, softly. “You don’t need to tire yourself out.” But that didn’t work, Yoongi said he wasn’t tired, although neither of them believed it. Hoseok had a backup plan, though. “We can sneak snacks in with your wheelchair. They would never check the pocket, and I know you don’t like paying that much for some popcorn.”
“It’s a capitalist trap,” Yoongi grumbled. “Fine, I’ll sit in that stupid chair. But—” Yoongi pointed at Hoseok, trying to be intimidating, though Hoseok just cooed internally. “—You push me. My hands always get dirty when I do it myself.”
Hoseok bent over to kiss Yoongi on his nose. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he whispered. Then, he pulled Yoongi up (of course Yoongi put some effort into getting up, Hoseok wasn’t that strong) and helped him get into the wheelchair. Yoongi started pouting, pointing at one of his shoes. The laces weren’t tied yet, Hoseok noticed when he looked down.
“You big baby,” he said through a snicker, before crouching down to tie a bow that had no purpose being as neat as he’d made it, and definitely didn’t need to take that long to tie.
Yoongi hadn’t stopped pouting, though. “But I’m your baby,” he said, voice small, mouth pouty, and cheeks puffed, and it took Hoseok all of his self control to not burst out in tears. How dare Yoongi be that cute, honestly. Hoseok decided being that cute should be illegal.
Then again, he debated with himself, if it were illegal, what would be the repercussions? Surely nothing too harsh. Maybe getting a hundred kisses all over his cute little face should work. And a very big hug, and maybe getting cuddled to sleep. Yes, that should teach him, being so cute. But if it wasn’t harsh enough, Hoseok had no trouble doubling the sentence.
He chuckled, forcing himself back into reality. “Of course you are,” Hoseok said, soft smile on his lips, one hand cupping Yoongi’s soft cheek, stroking his thumb over the skin. Then, without meaning to, he said, “I love you so much.”
Tears filled Yoongi’s eyes – the light reflected in them – but a smile grazed his lips regardless. “I love you, too, Seokseok-ah,” Yoongi whispered. “Let’s go. We don’t want to be late.” Yoongi took Hoseok’s hand, and gave it a little squeeze.
“Yeah,” Hoseok said after taking a few moments to recover himself.
The movie was okay, in the end. Maybe not quite worth the energy it had taken Yoongi to go see it, Hoseok debated internally, but his favourite person in the whole world seemed happy enough to be outside again, so Hoseok smiled. “Did you like it?”
“Loved it,” Yoongi replied, but both of them knew he wasn’t talking about the movie. They took a detour home, walking past the river, Hoseok pushing Yoongi’s chair while they overlooked the water sparkling with the lights of the windows and the street lights. Yoongi was clearly tired, but the second Hoseok would suggest going home, Yoongi refused. He wanted to stay outside a little longer, wanted to take some more time to soak in the buzz of the city, busy on the opposite side of the road with nightlife. But the road was wide, separating the partygoers from the water and thus from Yoongi and Hoseok.
Once, they had been like that. A total of five times, if Hoseok were honest. Yoongi had never liked partying very much, but now he looked at the flashing lights with longing.
“As soon as you’re better,” Hoseok promised, “we’ll go out. The moment you can handle a night of dancing and alcohol and loud music, we’ll go partying. Would you like that?”
Yoongi’s nod was small, but Hoseok knew that meant the loudest yes. He knew that Yoongi was already lost in his imagination, envisioning that night when all of his worries and fears could be forgotten, the night he would be able to imagine a future. Of course, they both hoped they had a future, they both hoped that they would get the chance to grow old together.
But right now, they were unsure if Yoongi would even survive until his next birthday.
The doctors were hesitantly hopeful, but they had warned that a relapse could happen at any moment, and if that were the case, the prognosis would be worse.
Way worse.
Hoseok shook the thought from his mind, willing it away in favour of drowning in the now, soaking up all the little things that made Yoongi him, all the little gestures and looks and every single moment that made Hoseok love him even more. He tried convincing himself that his love for Yoongi would make everything right.
It had to, because Hoseok had no idea what he would do if things didn’t turn out alright.
---
“Seokseok-ah,” Yoongi said, spinning around in his desk chair, taking off his headphones. Hoseok looked up from his book. “I’ve been thinking...” He sighed. “I know you hate talking about this, but can you promise me one thing?”
“Of course,” Hoseok said, because how could he say no to those eyes, pleading, accentuating the little pout on his lips?
“If—” Yoongi’s voice was shaky. “If I, you know... Could you promise me you’ll live for the both of us? I—I know it’s selfish of me to think that you wouldn’t – no, please let me finish – but I need to know that you’ll keep going. I can’t bear the thought of not spending many, many more years together, but it’s even worse to think that I could rob you of those years if I’m not around. I really need to know that, no matter what happens, you’ll keep being you, a sunshine, but so, so strong. If it hadn’t been for you, I would’ve given up so quickly, but you just keep pulling me through it, week after week for six months now. So don’t let me take away your chance of living.”
“I don’t even want to think about that,” Hoseok said, putting his book down on the coffee table. “You’ll get better, I know you will, because you can’t… not.”
“Hoseok, please. We have to think about it.” Yoongi sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. “Even if it turns out to not be applicable for fifty more years, it is something we have to discuss.”
Hoseok stood up, walked over to Yoongi, and crouched down in front of him. “Isn’t believing that it won’t apply for at least a few more decades enough?” He put his hand on Yoongi’s knee, stroking it with his thumb.
“No, it’s not!” Yoongi threw his head back. “I can’t keep being scared that I’ll end your life, too. You’re too important to me.” He groaned, looking back at Hoseok. “It’s been half a year since you proposed, so it’s been six months that I’ve been sick. It’s been too long for me to not think about never getting better. I can’t put it off any longer.”
Hoseok searched Yoongi’s face for a hint as to how to comfort him, but there was no way, not without thinking about the most painful future possible. “Okay. We can talk about it.”
Hoseok looked Yoongi in the eye, finding tears in them, waiting to fall. “Please keep living,” Yoongi whispered. “Never stop living, no matter what happens.”
Anything for Yoongi. Anything for man he would marry – if circumstance allowed them.
“I promise.”
---
Hoseok woke up giddy. He was finally ready to execute his brilliant plan. Yoongi had been sick at home from work these past few days, so that had almost ruined it, but last night, he’d said he was well enough to go back to work again, so Hoseok could finish the preparations. The timing was perfect! While his boss had the studio remodelled, Hoseok had time off to plan his big proposal.
It wasn’t big in the sense of it being very public, because Hoseok knew Yoongi hated those proposals with outrageously big audiences. Yoongi loved the intimacy that came with declaring your eternal love for someone. The more intimate, the better. So, Hoseok was planning on what he believed to be the most intimate proposal possible.
He would take Yoongi to the roof of their apartment building, that night, to look at the stars. He knew Yoongi would inevitably start philosophising about the vastness of the universe, and that was when Hoseok would ask.
He was so, so excited to spend the rest of their lives together. He didn’t think anything could stop them from spending years upon years enjoying each other’s company, embraces, comfort.
Yoongi had work, but Hoseok’s students were on holiday now, so he could procrastinate working on his lesson plans for one day. Instead, he spent the day double and triple checking all of his preparations, to make sure that everything would run as smoothly as possible. Nothing could go wrong.
The rest of the day, Hoseok tried calming himself down. He tried everything from lazing around on the couch to yoga and meditating, but the only thing that would keep his mind from conjuring up scenarios was by cleaning the apartment all the way through. Honestly, he doubted their apartment had ever been that clean – and Hoseok hated dirt, dust, crumbs, anything that could destroy his sense of a perfect space.
Dinner-time rolled around, and Hoseok had told Yoongi he would cook tonight, wanting even their food to be perfect. Frankly, Yoongi was better at cooking, but Hoseok wasn’t terrible, and he was sure that after a long day, Yoongi wouldn’t want to spend an hour in the kitchen just to make food for Hoseok’s proposal that he knew nothing about.
Hoseok cooked a full three course meal; even the dessert he made from scratch. He lighted candles, set the table, used their fancy table cloth, the one they only pulled out during holidays and other parties.
The front door opened while Hoseok was plating their appetizers. Yoongi was finally home.
“What’s all this?” Yoongi asked, still wearing his coat.
Hoseok walked up to him and slid his hands underneath the thick fabric, caressing Yoongi’s shoulders. “Can’t I spoil my favourite boyfriend every so often?” Then, he leaned in for a kiss, deepening it before Yoongi could answer.
When he finally got their lips to disconnect, Yoongi said, “I’ll ignore the ‘favourite boyfriend’ comment, because you’re too horrible of a liar to have a side piece, but... you want to spoil me? Just because?”
Hoseok hummed, not trusting himself with actual words. Yoongi always saw right through his lies – though, to be fair, Hoseok never really made an effort to make them believable. It was totally not because he was bad at lying or anything.
“The food is getting cold.” Hoseok finally said, helping Yoongi take his coat off, which may not have been necessary, but it felt right.
Dinner went absolutely fantastic, despite the bubbling nerves deep in Hoseok’s stomach. He didn’t think he was capable of making tastier food, and Yoongi seemed to really enjoy the pampering, so Hoseok made a mental note to do something like this more often.
He carefully felt his pocket, where he had the box with the ring, to check if it was still there. “I heard that the sky will be super clear tonight. Do you wanna go look at the stars?”
Yoongi’s mouth curled up at the suggestion, his gums showing even though Hoseok could tell he was trying not to be too enthusiastic about the suggestion. “You really have the perfect night planned, don’t you?”
His voice carried a hint of something more, like he had an inkling as to what was to come. That was fine, he was going along with it regardless, so no point in freaking out over that. It was a good sign. So, Hoseok smiled, too.
“Of course I do.”
Ten minutes later, they were up on the roof, getting settled on the lawn chair that Hoseok had pulled up, almost falling down the stairs a good three times. Yoongi sat down first, pulling Hoseok onto his lap. It was more regular for the two of them to be the other way around, but this was great, for today. Hoseok knew that sliding down on one knee was much easier from this position.
Twenty minutes of staring up at the sky, with Yoongi pointing at all of his favourite stars and constellations, and what he believed to be planets. Hoseok felt like he was, still, after all this time, falling deeper and deeper in love.
Hoseok turned around, looking at Yoongi while sitting perched on his knee. “I love you,” he said, not quite realising that he said that until it had left his lips. His gaze lingered on Yoongi’s soft smile, and then he was leaning in for a kiss, drowning in the gentleness before he peeled himself away.
He slid off Yoongi’s lap, onto one of his own knees. “Hyung...” Hoseok mumbled, fumbling to get the little box out of his pocket.
Yoongi grinned, tears in his eyes.
Hoseok managed to get out the box, giggling at Yoongi. “I hoped that that would’ve gone a little smoother,” he whispered. He opened the box, showing the ring to his soon-to-be fiancé. “Yoongi hyung, will you marry me?”
Yoongi smiled his gummy smile. “Of course, Seok.”
Hoseok stood up, pulling Yoongi up with him, and slid the ring around his finger. Then he took a step back, saying, “That ring looks good—”
Yoongi stumbled, brought one hand to his forehead, and Hoseok could barely catch him before he fell. After a second, Yoongi put weight on his own legs again, looking like he was about to cry. “I’m fine,” he whispered.
Hoseok pursed his lips. “Why don’t we go to the hospital anyway? To make sure there’s nothing to worry about?” He didn’t know why his fiancé – they were engaged! – had almost passed out, and he was worried. Something told him it wasn’t just vertigo from standing up too fast.
---
Hoseok wakes up, gasping for air, sweat dripping down his forehead. He is in the hospital, in the chair he fell asleep in. He looks over at Yoongi, who’s stirring in his own sleep. He doesn’t want to think about his dream, but to have lived through some of the moments in this journey again, that is painful. He balls his fists, wills himself not to cry.
Yoongi stirs some more, and opens his eyes. “Seokie?” he whispers.
“I’m here,” Hoseok says, his voice breaking, and the first tear rolls down his cheek. He wants to be strong for Yoongi, but he knows that he needs to – will – break down soon. He gets up, and crouches down next to Yoongi, grabbing the hand on his side, avoiding the IV-needle in his hand.
“I’m so tired.”
“It’s okay.” More tears falling. “Please rest.”
“I love you,” Yoongi says with the last of his strength, and then he closes his eyes again, squeezing them shut, brows furrowed and lips trembling.
“I love you, too. I won’t ever stop loving you.” Hoseok tightens his grip around Yoongi’s finger, the diamond of his ring pressing into his skin. They had it sized down a few weeks ago, so that it would fit again around Yoongi’s thinned fingers.
Yoongi smiles just a little bit, his face relaxing. He curls his fingers around Hoseok’s, unable to press any harder.
Time slows down.
And then a beep, a single, monotonous, shrill, piercing beep that never comes to an end.
Hoseok never stops crying in the infinity between the start of the beep and the rushing in of doctors, and Hoseok doesn’t stop crying when someone pulls him out of the room, and he doesn’t stop when he gets pulled into a hug, strong arms wrapping around him while he breaks down. He doesn’t stop when Namjoon whispers in his ear, he doesn’t stop when Namjoon’s own tears fall into his hair.
He stops long enough to see a bed being wheeled out of the room, the white blanket doing very little to cover the bumps where Yoongi is. His lips curl up, in an attempt to fight off the next wave of tears, but he isn’t very successful.
His legs give out, and he’s crumbling down on the floor. Someone sits down behind him, sliding their arms around his waist and burying their face in the crook of his neck. Through the tears, Hoseok sees Jeongguk’s tattoos, and he sobs a small laugh. He hadn’t even known before that Namjoon was here, nevermind Jeongguk or any of the other boys, who he can now hear whispering behind him.
He gets his tears to stop, and he turns to Jeongguk, struggling a little against his grip. “It’s okay,” he says, pulling Jeongguk in for a hug as the younger boy starts sobbing, and it feels nice to comfort someone else. He sighs softly, laying his chin on Jeongguk’s shoulder, and he looks up at Seokjin, Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung, all of their eyes just as red as he assumes his own are. He pulls at Jeongguk, for him to stand up, following suit himself.
He takes one arm off Jeongguk’s back, extending it to invite the rest of the boys into the hug. They all pile on.
Hoseok lets himself go, fist clenching around Jeongguk’s sweater, and he fully, properly breaks down.