Work Text:
he left him with not much. for all the years that they've been dating and then married, they didn't manage to collect many assets. one, seokjin does not like to keep his money still for long. it made him anxious. two, his husband spends brazenly over food, which makes him mad at times but ultimately conceded to his husband's wishes for he knows that seokjin's time is limited. three, seokjin had a very strong affection for cars ever since his dad brought him on a ride in his company's brand new mercedes that one time he was well enough to leave the hospital when he was 11. jungkook had been there to see how amazed and happy seokjin was to be able to move in something mobile that wasn't a wheelchair and to breath the contaminated city air instead of the hospital's clean air. jungkook thought he could buy a thousand car if that could get seokjin to smile that widely. he didn't get a thousand, but he studied well and learnt stock exchange and wormed his way into the intricacies of it just so he could provide seokjin the best life. his husband always chided him gently for that.
"my family can afford one, you know. dad's company is doing well these days. you don't have to do this for me." seokjin would say every time he visited him before attending his extra finance workshop that would take up his wednesday and thursday evening.
"just stay here with me. why are you torturing yourself with extra classes." but there's always a fond smile on his face because he loves how passionate and unstoppable jungkook gets when he's aiming for something.
and he'd also had a fond smile as he replies,"why are you flattering yourself? i'm only doing this so i can be the most eligible rich and handsome bachelor in my 40s, after you leave."
"huh, as if. you'd be parading around with your gloominess for at least 10 years after i'm over. i bring that much light in your life."
"you're not wrong, babe. well if i can't be handsome i have to at least be rich. and stock is looking good these days. gotta go fatten up my wallet for my lonely old days." at that point usually seokjin would just entertain him and say "yeah yeah go make that money and buy me a car quick." and grab his cheeks to plant a loud fat kisses on his mouth. his love languages sometimes were loud "i love you"s shouted just to embarass jungkook, but at these times it's his quiet, longing gaze that screams "i love you" for this man who'd build his life around him, this man who'd still love him even after his body becomes one and none with the earth.
their love, much like a fairy tale, much to jungkook's delight, is as sure as the fact that the sky is blue. life, though, is fair to everyone. even the fairiest of tale comes to an end. and perhaps, for the wonderful, wonderful love that they've shared, it's only fair that their story ends with a bang too. that was how they imagined it would come, the end. like a massive wave crashing into the shore.
but it was as quiet and calm as the still water when it came knocking at their door at 8.23 on a Monday morning. seokjin was allowed to be home two months earlier, for the doctor thought that the vile monster in his body was taking a break from destroying him. they'd spent afternoons driving into the sunset by the beach, seokjin positively beaming at the sight no matter how many times he'd seen it. he was precious like that, resilient in appreciating life. the night before it happened, the two of them slept very early and woke up at 3 am for some tea. nothing was out of place, but seokjin was so cold. they cuddled well into sunrise and seokjin was wriggling a bit, asking him for space to stretch a little because he felt tired. he held his hands and they've had this conversation so many times before.
"i'd tell you if i feel like dying for real. i promise."
he pouted at seokjin's rather scary promise. "and how'd you know?"
"i've been living with this friend for years now. i just know." he'd winked but as jungkook stared at him with teary eyes, he'd take his hands and hugged him so tight as if to mold himself onto his husband because that was all he had. he knew then that no words could possibly relieve the sadness jungkook has worn in his eyes for as long as he's known love in his heart.
so when it came, seokjin gave him one look and jungkook already knew. "it's here." seokjin said.
"okay. okay." and he held his husband as tight as he could, wiping away tears and stroked his back and his arms and his face and whispers love and safety through the last ragged breaths and the last love he could see in his husband's tearful, fearful eyes.
outside, the world moves, ever busy and fast, as if nothing had happened. his world remains quiet through it all.
in the warm breeze of april, jungkook buried his husband and continued living with memories and love. after forty years, after a lifetime together, after countless sunrise walks and sunset drives, after lives woven so close they didn't know where one ends and the other begins, he's letting go of the person he'd been living for, and learns how to exist alone.
seokjin left him with a moderate sized house, a bank account, a car, and a dog they adopted few years back. seokjin named her “puppy” but called her different names every day because he couldn’t decide on one name. today it feels like he would love the name ‘mimi’ so jungkook calls her that. she doesn’t respond that eagerly like she would with seokjin, but when jungkook walks around the house she follows like she usually did with his husband, so it’s alright. he still sees seokjin everywhere, doesn't think he will ever stop seeing seokjin after spending a lifetime having his eyes only on him. in every space of the three bedroom house they own, there's his touch.
all in all, he's okay. sometimes not so, but mostly. he's accepted the fact that he will never really be okay. grief is love without a place to go, and his love is wandering around without seokjin to hold it. he's living with it, taking it day by day.
today he wakes up a little lonelier than usual, stares at his husband's photo a little longer than usual, jogs a little farther because he takes the route they always took when they jog together. seokjin liked walking longer in the morning when the air didn't hurt him. he feels a little sadder than usual looking at his lonesome toothbrush on the sink. maybe he shouldn't throw away his husband's toothbrush so early on. but he couldn't stand it either.
such is the life of mourn, he figures. it's only been 7 months, and he has yet to move on. he thinks it might take 7 years. he thinks it might take forever. seokjin likes the clear sky. blue sky. he loved opening up the curtain so wide in the morning just to see the sky and to annoy him, of course. he thinks as long as the sky is there, he's still in love.
the sky is blue
i'm still in love with you