Chapter Text
She wasn't quite sure how she had got here, but she was here, standing outside the fairly average looking house in Star City. All she knew is that she was tired.
She was just so tired.
Physically, her muscles ached from the countless nights of fighting, running, and hiding in cramped spaces. The close calls had become closer than ever before. There were more than a few moments were a bullet was dodged almost a nanosecond too late, the blade of a knife swung a few millimeters from her jugular, a kick sent out without enough force.
Mentally, she had always prided herself on being able to compartmentalize. But that had slowly changed after her child was born.
When she left, she thought she'd be able to compartmentalize that too, but to her surprise, and great pain, that grew more and more difficult with each passing day. She missed the warmth of a home that gave her a sense of belonging, no matter how much baggage was present. That nagging reminder of what she had, what she left, made every night a new level of uncomfortable for her. It no longer mattered whether she was in some steely downtrodden Shadows safehouse or holed up undercover in a 5-star resort.
Emotionally….she wasn't used to feeling much emotion. Not in the last decade of her life, which had taken cruel twist after twist.
It was ironic then, that she stood outside the home of the two people that had consistently given her a feeling of warmth in the last few years.
"View is still better from the inside" boasted the deep voice from behind her.
She had missed his voice. And, apparently, the sound of him approaching from behind. Jade turned around, cursing herself for being so sloppy.
He wasn't supposed to her like this. Hell, she hadn't even decided if she wanted him to see her at all.
Will stood there, taking in the sight of his beautiful wife. She looked slightly leaner than the last time she had seen him. Her arm was no longer broken, but he couldn't say the same about her. The confidence that she carried herself with was nowhere to be found, and even though he knew better than to point it out, he could see the faintest traces of tears in her eyes.
"Jade, what are you doing here?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper, as if speaking too loudly would scare her off.
It was a simple question, one he had asked many times before, going back to when their relationship was less a relationship and more a series of one-night stands. She would break into his apartment. He would act surprised. He'd catch her on a rooftop right before she was about to commit a crime. She'd pretend she hadn't spotted him fifteen minutes ago.
But this time, there was no playful edge to his voice. His arms were crossed, and his face stoic. Even though his eyes softened at the sight of his wife, she could see a guarded edge in them that she hadn't seen him look at her with in years. It was the look of a man who had been betrayed and disappointed several times before, and who was expecting it again.
"I…I don't know."
It was the only response she could muster, and her uncertainty shook her. Cheshire was never uncertain, not in anything. Not when she married this man, not when she left him with their unborn child, and not when she had returned with that very same child.
It was a red flag for Will too, but he wasn't sure if it meant good or bad news was following. Either way, they were here, and he wasn't going to just let her run off with some half ass excuse. Not like last time.
Their eyes met, and they both held the gaze. The husband and wife duo had never been great at expression their feelings into words, especially not Jade. As such, they had learned over the years how to communicate without speaking, something that Will grew to dislike. Even Jade had to admit was not the best for their relationship.
But they had never really been together under the "best" conditions, had they? So here they were, in the cool Star City night, conversing without saying a single word.
I want to come back hers pleaded in a way that she never could with her own words.
Then say it out loud his responded, tired of playing this game.
Please, don't make me.
"I'm tired Will" she finally said, lamely. It was more an attempt to break the silence – since when did silence make me uncomfortable? – than answer his question.
"We're all tired" he responded coldly.
He wasn't biting. And it was starting to get annoying.
"What do you want from me? I'm here."
"I thought you said the soccer mom lifestyle wasn't for you." he said instinctively, regretting the words before they even finished leaving his mouth.
True, she had said those things, but it hurt to have them thrown back at her face, and she didn't bother to hide that it did. Her face tightened, and she crossed her arms across her chest, scowling in silence.
Will knew that look, and he knew that silence would only make this situation – whatever it was – get worse. So he kept talking.
"Again, why are you here Jade? Because if it's to come back home, then damn it lets go inside already." he said, his voice softening.
Her scowl slipped, but she didn't respond, instead going back to staring at his eyes, and continuing the conversation there. Years as an assassin had most certainly stunted her ability to communicate her emotion constructively.
I want to go home.
Then say it out loud.
Why are you doing this?
Because you need to take responsibility.
She broke the gaze, looking elsewhere as some emotion – anger, fatigue, guilt? – briefly overcame her face. But only briefly, as she recovered and returned to the stoic look that seemed to be her normal setting.
So again, Will broke the silence. Even when they were together, he was usually the one to speak first anyway. He had learned the hard way that
"You chose to leave Jade. And then you came back here, you came all the way back here, and told me to move on." Will was no longer asking questions, but just stating facts. And each syllable felt like a slap to the face for Jade, but she knew that they were hits of her own doing.
"Have you?" she spat, as anger, and hurt, coming into her voice.
Will hesitated for a split second, remembering that brief moment with Artemis in his kitchen. The kiss they had shared, that he had somehow convinced himself he wanted. How truly wrong it had felt afterwards.
"Should I have?" he responded, taking a page out of his spouse's book by answering a question with a question.
For whatever reason, his answer struck a nerve in Jade, and she snarled back at him, her voice rising.
"I thought you wanted me to be here?!"
The irony of him using her own tactic against her registered somewhere in the back of her mind, but at this moment she didn't particularly care.
"I do, but I want you to be here! Not to be here for a week, and then vanish again. Not to give your mom and Lian and Artemis hope and just disappear on us again!"
Disappear on me again. The words were unsaid, but they both knew that's what he meant.
Jade looked down again, avoiding eye contact with her husband. This is a conversation they needed to have, but not one she came here for. She still wasn't even quite sure why she was here, but this certainly was not it.
"You've left me twice now Jade."
She didn't like where this conversation was going, and for once, she didn't have the quick wit to throw him off. So she responded with a deflection, because she for damn sure didn't want to get to the truth.
"The first time I didn't have a choice."
"Yea I know, and I don't hold that against you. But the last time…we were finally in a good space. Things were going well."
"I thought I was out but…you know how it is. The shadows always comes calling. I could only ignore them for so long."
You sound like a damn child she thought to herself, wondering to herself yet again, just what the hell she was doing back here.
"You didn't have to answer the phone."
He was saying a statement, but there was a pleading undertone to it, as if he were begging to realize what was painfully obvious to him. She recognized it from all the fights they had had about him telling her to leave the life. And from her own voice, when she had begged him to give up on looking for the "real Roy Harper", before leaving when she found out she was pregnant.
"There are conseq-"
Will snapped. "Damn that! I'm tired of hearing that! After everything we've been through?! You didn't seem to care when about consequences when you helped be break out Roy all those years ago!"
"I had to do that for you, for Lian." The cool edge to her voice returned just as Will had lost his. Something about him getting angry had grounded her & allowed her to regain her emotional footing. It was some sort of combat tactic she had learned: When your enemy starts to get emotional, that's when you strike hardest.
Too bad this wasn't her enemy.
That cynical part in the back of her mind joked, The young kids would call this a "toxic" relationship. She would have chuckled, but her husband was glaring at her with an unnerving intensity.
"And you think I wouldn't do the same to protect you?! That I wouldn't move heaven and earth to keep my family together?"
"You're not the only one who has to do well for this to work."
Will opened his mouth for another fast retort but stopped as he realized the implications of what she had said.
I'm scared of failing as a mother she had once told him in one of their late night conversations. It was one of the few times, even after they got married, that she admitted a weakness to him. It was only a few weeks before she left.
In a few quick movements, Will bridged the gap between them and pulled her into a tight hug, one arm wrapped around her possessively, the other at the back of her head. She collapsed into it, her willpower to resist evaporating.
Her senses were overwhelmed with the familiarity of it all. The smell of his aftershave, the strength in his slightly less toned arms, even the feeling of his damn annoying beard brushing against her scalp.
"Damn it Jade, we're in this together." he whispered to her, and she could have sworn her knees almost buckled because damn it when did his voice get so comforting?
"I know." she whispered back into his chest.
Did she? She wasn't sure, but if anyone could convince her it would definitely be him.
They stood there in that embrace, in pure silence, for what could have been an eternity, just soaking each other in. The months since their last true embrace had taken a steep toll on them, and Jade felt content to just remain there forever. Unfortunately for her, Will wasn't done.
"I need you to tell me that you'll stay. That this is it. That you're never going to leave me, us, again."
Damn it. So they were going to have this come to Jesus moment after all. And how could they not? This was what it all came down to didn't it? In the end, she was the one who had to walk away from her life, just as her husband had did to raise their daughter. And what if she didn't? Would he let her back in knowing that she would just leave again?
She tensed at the thought of such a painful rejection, but he pulled her away from his chest, holding her firmly in front of him and looked at her, waiting for her to look into his eyes. They were soft now, and the guarded edge in them from earlier had thoroughly dissipated. But they were determined.
"I need to hear you say it Jade." He repeated, firmer this time.
Everything she was programmed to do, to believe, told her to stay silent. To defy him, to sneer and turn around and walk away, because she was Cheshire damn it and she didn't do this. She didn't go back where she had left, practically begging to be welcomed back. And even if she did, she certainly didn't deserve to be taken back in.
But she was also a mother. And a wife. And no matter what she had told herself, she had missed that warmth.
Staring into his eyes, she saw someone who truly needed her. Like a parched Bedouin staring at an oasis in the desert. Like she saw herself staring at him more than a few times. Like she knew both of them looked at Lian almost every day.
And with the thought of her beautiful daughter back in her arms, whatever last remnants of defiance she had evaporated.
"I promise. Never again."
That night she just lay there in bed with him, and Lian. The three bundled together under the covers, almost as if they were one single mass. It was beautiful and warm, and a friggin miracle that Lian hadn't woken up when they moved her out of her crib. Jade hadn't even asked to sleep with her, but of course Will knew.
She cried herself to sleep, one the few times she'd done so since she was a teenager, with the exception of her pregnancy. Unlike then, now she cried tears of joy. Yes, she had left her husband and child. But they had taken her back. Yes, her marriage needed work. But she could fix. She would fix it. Yes, she had been a bad mother. But she had a whole lifetime to make up for it.
For the first time in a long time, she felt somewhere close to whole.
Because she was home.