Chapter Text
“Vanjie! Over here!”
There were so many voices shouting the same thing, flashes going off every millisecond, everything making it extremely difficult to focus. She changed poses as much as she could, thankful there is a reassuring hand on her back, keeping her calm.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jason waving at her, signalling that they can move. She interlocks their fingers, pressing herself as close as possible as they walk. Jason leads them inside immediately when they reach him. He is rattling off the important info, like what table they’re at, but Vanessa doesn’t quite follow, distracted by her surroundings. She knows the information is heard, which is all that matters, even if it’s not by her.
The space where the charity ball is held is, as always, enormous. High ceilings, marble floor and light dimmed just a pinch, enough to create shadows that portray the room as never ending. Add the sea of people and it instantly makes Vanessa feel invisible, focus not on her anymore.
“I will never get used to this madness,” a voice pulls her out of her thoughts, “I don’t know how you do it Vanj.”
Ah the fame. She is considered a famous person - an A-lister even. If someone told her that four years ago when she released her first album, this is how it would turn out, she wouldn’t believe it. How she landed that record deal was surreal too. Imagine having Nicki fucking Minaj hear you playing around on set of her music video with your fellow dancers; the most ridiculous lyrics leaving your mouth, just to be told right then and there to write it down because she likes the sound and energy.
Vanessa didn’t think it was that serious until she found herself in a record studio discussing ideas on Nicki’s single. A song she’ll fully be featured in. Rapping. Rapping lyrics she came up with. It was un-fucking-believable.
To this day she remembers herself as that Pikachu meme throughout that whole process. Then it was like a haze of numbers skyrocketing, her voice everywhere she went, ears ringing from all the calls that kept coming. She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that the first thing she did, with pure luck of right circumstances, was a number one hit. And it stayed a number one hit for the whole summer.
Her manager Jason, who did all her bookings as a back-up dancer, eventually had to leave the agency so he can work for her full time, because Vanessa sure as hell didn’t know what she was doing. She then did another song by herself with the help of Nicki, which also blew up, so a record deal was signed by the end of that year and she was expected to write a full album, all by herself.
Now, after four years, she’s recording her second solo album, which has been long anticipated. She did a world tour and had collaborated with a lot of artists in the meantime but hasn’t sat down to actually create her own body of work. So she took a break 8 months ago and decided it’s time. No matter how terrifying it was.
The recording process was nearing and she was equal parts excited and shitting bricks. The expectations are so high but she feels like she rose to them, even though she’d never say that out loud.
But yeah, her life has been pretty crazy. And some would say: so fucking cool.
“You never get used to the madness, you just learn to embrace it,” Vanessa keeps her head forward, dazed, then finally turns, “but sometimes it’s a lot even for me.”
That earns her a short peck on the side of her head with a gentle squeeze, “good thing we’re in this together, right?”
Vanessa smiles, taking her hand once again, “Yes, I’m glad I’ve had you these past months, Kam. Didn’t think it would be this much fun.”
“Neither did I,” Kameron sighs happily, “but we’re never admitting that to Jason,” she lifts her index finger.
Vanessa laughs, “Hell no. I ain’t admitting he was right.”
Oh yeah, she is also in a PR relationship with non-other than Kameron Michaels.
Someone who’s career she’s been following despite having almost zero interest in martial arts, but she was openly gay and had stayed undefeated which was pissing off so many people.
And Vanessa especially liked when queer people thriving pissed people off. So she publicly supported her, being a lesbian herself. Then one random day a year ago, they’ve met in a gym. Vanessa was angrily punching a bag, trying to let off some of the tension that’s been knotting her stomach when Kameron appeared in front of her.
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but if you continue this, you’re gonna hurt yourself,” Kameron Michaels says through a small smile, arms up in surrender.
And Vanessa has honestly stopped functioning because she was actually star-struck.
“You’re Kameron Michaels,” she says dumbly, causing a small blush to appear on Kameron’s cheeks, “I’m punching a bag wrong in front of Kameron Michaels,” she continues, completely in disbelief, then looks at the bag like it had betrayed her.
“It’s not that bad, but I see you’re working through something and it would be against my better judgement not to at least help you do it properly. So you don’t pull a muscle, or end up in pain tomorrow,” Kameron explains, then quickly adds, “if you want of course. If you want me to mind my own business, just say the word.”
Vanessa screams internally, but answers nonchalantly, “Explain away, I’m not about to say no to free lessons from a professional puncher.”
It makes Kameron laugh, “Okay,” she places her water bottle on the floor and Vanessa jumps in, “I’m Vanessa by the way.”
“I know who you are,” Kameron smirks, which almost pulls a giggle from Vanessa, “you ready?” she asks as she positions herself next to Vanessa, arms up in fists. And Vanessa just tries really hard not to stare at her flexed biceps.
Kameron smiles shaking her head, then squeezes her hand, “lets go to our table.”
“Lead the way,” she says, knowing Kameron actually keeps track of these things and had listened to Jason on the way in.
They are of course in the front, easy to be seen at all times by the camera’s and everyone present, because this is not just any PR stunt. Everyone was overly enamoured by their relationship. From the start it got a lot of press and as the time progressed, the more they put into it, the more the public has been obsessed. They called them the power couple of year - everyone and their mother wanted in on it.
It especially exploded when they took it to Instagram. Pictures, travel stories and couple-workout videos - all of it not even faked as much because they genuinely became best friends. They didn’t even post that much in total, but it was enough to give the people an intro - the rest of the story left to be written by everyone with their collective assumption mixed with fantasy.
“Oh there are already pictures,” Vanessa scrolls through her tagged photos, “we look fine as fuck… Mhm, this champagne glitter moment is really it for you,” she nods to herself and reposts a couple of pictures on her story.
Kameron leans closer, placing a hand over Vanessa’s crossed legs, “let me see,” she examines the photos, “oh yes, we look good. I’ll wait for all the photos before publishing,” she says.
It makes Vanessa chuckle, “of course. Gotta think of the aesthetic. Imagine posting the wrong one, you might as well delete your whole profile.”
“You’ll never stop teasing me over it, huh?” she pinches her exposed thigh and Vanessa slaps her hand but doesn’t move away, “Nope,” she answers, emphasizing the ‘p’.
There was a stark difference between their online presence. Vanessa posted whatever she wanted, from her cat just napping, a meme or random throwback, to planned and pretty pictures of either her or her and Kameron – overall an utter chaos, but a good representation of her. On the other hand, Kameron had a neat profile, workout videos, photoshoots, brand sponsorships and Vanessa.
They notice people beginning to take their respective seats, the mingling gradually stopping, a sign that the event will officially begin.
“We are going to the after party or no?” Kameron asks her, adjusting her chair so she’s properly seated.
Vanessa ponders, she’s not the one to skip a night out but they do have interviews scheduled tomorrow and one joint photoshoot, “I don’t know, we have a full day tomorrow, are we saying fuck it?”
Kameron looks at her for a second, “I don’t mind a ‘fuck it’ moment. Drink a bit, do a couple of dance numbers, show everyone out and head home in time to not be puffy-eyed tomorrow?”
“Deal,” Vanessa nods, and they fist bump under the table.
Later in the evening, Vanessa is returning from the toilets when she hears Kameron call her from the different direction than their table. She looks around and spots her standing against the bar, she returns her smile and walks towards her.
The smile stays until someone else appears in her line of sight. Someone who makes her knees buckle and ears fill with white noise. Someone who shouldn’t have this effect on her anymore.
At least they are both holding their breath, Vanessa notices.
Kameron opens her arm so Vanessa can enter her space and for the first time in eight months, she hesitates. Kameron seems to notice her hesitation and sends her a questioning look which Vanessa eases with a smile.
“Have you met Brooke?” Kameron excitedly asks and two of them immediately look at each other. There is a flash of hurt that appears on Brooke face before she’s back to her neutral expression.
But she doesn’t know the proper answer to that question. Vanessa just feels like someone has pushed her in a corner. She wishes she could just say they haven’t and maybe everything will be erased but then again she saw hurt in Brooke’s eyes and still her heart won’t let her do anything to make it appear again, no matter how much she probably deserves it. So she looks at Kameron briefly, clearing her throat, “Yeah.”
Brooke shifts in her seat almost unnoticeably, but unfortunately Vanessa can still see right through her, and she’s clearly in discomfort.
“I was just mentioning your favourite movie,” Kameron continues and now Vanessa honestly wants to throw up, Brooke looking like she’s not far behind, “she had to wear me down to watch it but since this one watches it every now and then, I caved and it’s honestly amazing.”
Vanessa almost chokes. She can’t believe this is something Brooke now knows. It takes everything in her not to run from feeling so exposed.
Brooke grips her glass of whiskey and chuckles, but Vanessa can hear the bitterness, “thank you. It’s one of my proudest moments. All thanks to someone who encouraged me to take it, I almost declined” she briefly looks at Vanessa then back to Kameron whose attitude is still happy-go-lucky and completely oblivious to the tension.
“Oh really? Whoever it was, great advice,” Kameron says, “hope they’re your manager now or something, ‘cause that was a perfect fit. I swear I’ve never been that invested and usually the Oscar movies are overrated for me, but not this one.”
Vanessa seriously wants the Earth to swallow her whole or just fake faint, anything really, to drag Kameron away so she’d stop, because she will seriously get sick.
“No,” Brooke huffs, “It was one of those passing things, you know?” she takes the final sip of her whiskey and places her glass down on the bar.
And that felt like a slap across her face. Even if Kameron herself now slapped her as much as she could, mind you she’s a professional fighter, Vanessa is sure it would hurt less.
Kameron is about to say something but Vanessa cannot deal this at all.
“Babe,” she circles her arms around Kameron’s waist, “I’m starving and the car is probably already waiting; as much as this is fun, you promised food before the after party.”
All of that is a complete lie which is why Kameron looks at her fully surprised at the sudden interruption. Vanessa just looks up sweetly at her, hoping to convey the message. This is something they have done in the past, where they’ve created an excuse for each other to suddenly leave, in a sweet enough way that people just dismiss it as a couple-y thing.
“Yeah, sorry,” Kameron seems to understand, “we should definitely go,” they both turn to Brooke, Vanessa catches her looking at Vanessa’s hands with a slight frown before she looks up at them when she’s addressed again, “we’ll have to continue this another time. Are you going to the party?”
Brooke smiles politely, “no, calling it early,” she takes the glass that was refilled by the bartender in the meantime, “you two have fun,” she rises the glass to them and drowns it before she turns on her heel and leaves.
It shouldn’t have hurt.
“What was that about?” Kameron’s face immediately shifts from pleasant to worried.
Vanessa looks at the empty glass on the bar, “take me home, I’ll tell you on the way” she says quietly.
She feels Kameron’s hand rubbing her back and she hears her say “okay” but it sounds very distant because her mind is already being pulled - back to an encounter just like this one.
Four years ago
Vanessa is so excited and anxious she feels like she’s been sweating like mad this whole time. Thank God for past Vanessa who decided on a sleeveless dress because she’s pretty sure she’d have major pit stains right now. This is her first major event that she’s attending alone; it may be a charity but this is the big leagues charity. Jason had to hold a power point presentation on proper etiquette and the stupid different cutlery used so that Vanessa doesn’t embarrass herself. The worst thing is, he warned her it was just a preview on what he has prepared because he said: “I need to get you media trained. Hard. Otherwise we’re both screwed.”
It may have to do with the fact that Vanessa publicly came out by answering a question about her dating life with “what about me says straight to you?” followed by a scoff. On national television, no less. Jason literally spit out his coffee behind the camera and both interviewers didn’t know what to do with themselves. How was she supposed to know that it was that big of a deal? She just didn’t like that it was an automatic assumption she’s straight, based on literally nothing.
But it could be something else, for sure…At least that’s what she says to herself.
Anyway, she was currently waiting for the bartender to pour her two shots of tequila so she can try to calm her nerves. Half of the event she already survived, she can’t fuck up the rest.
“Thank you,” she says when the shots are placed in front of her and she downs them both, one after the other.
“Oh wow, you okay there?” a voice snaps her from appreciating the burn of the much needed alcohol.
Vanessa looks to her right and is met with a sight of a breathtakingly beautiful woman. She nods before she finds her voice, “yeah, just killing the nerves.”
“Tequila will do that,” she takes two steps closer, raising her hand up, “I’m Brooke.”
“Vanessa,” she shakes her hand and shoots off a prayer that her hands aren’t sweaty. She takes a good look at her and tries to place her, but she is sure she’d remember her if she saw her somewhere, but then again, Vanessa isn’t that in tune with everything happening in Hollywood. She can barely keep up with her ‘scene’.
“So why are you nervous?” Brooke asks, while signalling the bartender to give them another round.
Vanessa takes a deep breath, “lots of stuff, but mainly because I’m flying solo tonight and my manager says I always find myself some trouble,” she scuffs.
Brooke takes the drink then places one in front of Vanessa, “how does one get in trouble at a charity ball?”
“You’d be surprised, mami,” Vanessa lifts her shot up, clinking it with Brooke, “I started shit on a show, unprovoked, and it wasn’t even 10am,” she says before they both drink.
Brooke tilts her head, a small furrow forming in her brow, “wait, I know who you are, you’re the rapper that came out recently,” her face opening up. Well now Vanessa doesn’t feel bad for not knowing who she is, though her ego is hurt a little bit.
Vanessa hides her face immediately, “yup, that’s me. I swear I actually thought Jason, my manager, might murder my ass,” a small chuckle leaves her lips.
“Why? Because you weren’t supposed to come out?” Brooke looks away, slightly concerned.
“Nah, he knew I’m not gonna accept the closet case shtick. But he had a strategy,“ Vanessa makes air quotes and rolls her eyes, “and the whole thing planned. Acting like he didn’t know I’m not good with following a plan,” she scoffs.
Brooke chuckles, “oh, well yeah, you could’ve probably made money off of it too,” she pauses then continues hesitantly, “were you not worried it could jeopardize your career?”
Vanessa is almost offended by the question, but checks herself before going off because she doesn’t actually believe there was ill intent behind it. Also, something tells her this is not a question a straight person would even ask her, but she doesn’t want to make assumptions. She’ll just stick to praying and hoping.
“Hell no, if anything it would jeopardize my quality of life and I know for sure my career is not about to become my whole life.” And Vanessa stands by it, her ideal life is to do what she loves no matter how successful and have a partner, possibly kids someday, but most importantly be true to herself.
It makes a flicker of surprise appear on Brooke’s face, “that’s brave,” then thinks for a second, “I don’t think I’ve ever said or done anything without overthinking it for at least a moment.”
“My ADD ass doesn’t allow it, my thoughts jumping tracks so much, it’s good I even say the right thing half of the time,” Vanessa jokes, making Brooke chuckle.
There is a short pause, and Vanessa is afraid the conversation is going to end. Brooke is such pleasant company and Vanessa really wants to get to know her more.
“So tell me, what are you overthinking now?” Vanessa moves so she is half sitting on the bar stool.
Brooke raises her eyebrow, “straight to the point I see, at least buy me dinner first,” and Vanessa shrugs innocently, trying real hard not to overanalyse the possibilities of that sentence.
“Actually I have to make a decision by the end of the week, in terms of my career path and I’m nowhere near,” Brooke says as she pulls a bar stool closer so she can also lean on it.
“What is it?”
She fiddles with her ring before answering, “I can either take the role in this movie that is completely different than I’ve done before or I can sign on a TV show that is only a bit different but could be a stable income.”
Okay so she’s an actress, and Vanessa tries not to show the sudden realization on her face, “I see the problem. First, do you wanna be a movie or show chick?”
Brooke snorts, “I’m an actress, a gig is a gig.”
“Lies. There is a difference even I know that. There are show actors and movie actors, no one says they don’t sometimes cross the territories but they pick the lane,” Vanessa says and Brooke pursues her lips, nodding.
“Okay, I guess movies then, but,” she starts and is immediately interrupted, “no buts, you want movies do the movie, easy.”
“No, you don’t understand, I’ve never done this. If I don’t deliver I’m done like this,” she snaps her fingers, “I want to broaden my horizons but it’s a fickle thing in movie business. The TV show could be a good baby step.”
Vanessa pursues her lips and crosses her arms, “sounds like you’re being a chicken shit.”
Brooke gapes, “what, I am not, I’m being rational.”
“Chicken. shit.”
Now Brooke crosses her arms too, “you don’t get it.”
“Ooohh I get it mami, you’re scared. You could be done in this industry no matter what. There is no what if I don’t deliver, fuck that, the only way you for sure won’t deliver is if you don’t try. Throw a baby in the water it will swim.”
“What?” Brooke frowns, a confused chuckle escaping her.
“My references are not hitting right, but my point is; be brave, do it scared. If you don’t challenge yourself what is the point? You want to be a movie chick? Then do whatever it takes,” Vanessa shrugs, then continues jokingly, “worst case, you tank completely and then you can blame it on a crazy rapper who had a bad influence.”
Brooke laughs but seems to be out of words, and Vanessa can practically see wheels turning behind her eyes.
“Look, I met you five seconds ago, it’s not right that I believe more in you than you do,” Vanessa adds.
“You’re not wrong,” Brooke says after a moment, “I’ll think about it.”
Vanessa groans and facepalms, “the point was to get you to stop thinking” which makes Brooke chuckle.
“What I mean,” she emphasizes, followed with a small eye roll, “after today I won’t obsess over it anymore, I’ll just make a decision.”
“Okay, that’s something I guess,” Vanessa makes a vague gesture with her hand, “when it makes a big buck do I get some percentage for being the good influence?” she smiles sweetly, batting her eyelashes.
If Vanessa didn’t think she’s imagining things, she’d say that she managed to pull a small blush on Brooke’s cheeks.
“We’ll work something out,” Brooke winks and flags the bartender again.