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Early mornings in Bright Moon would never get old, especially now that Adora got to spend them with her best friend. Catra wasn’t the best at staying asleep and the misty winds and shimmering sunrise that floated through the door each morning didn’t help. The first mornings together in their bedroom—their bedroom, Adora thought, still caught up in the novelty of it all—were bright and early affairs, with plenty of time for the togetherness they’d missed out on for far too long.
With each passing morning, Catra had grown more and more open to showing Adora her raw affection. What started with hesitation—a tentative tucking of her head into Adora’s chest, a careful wrapping of her tail around Adora’s ankle—had now made way for full-bore snuggling, wrapping her arms around the small of Adora’s back and pushing herself as close to the taller girl as physically possible.
Showing affection to Adora was nothing new for her—her memories of stolen moments and sleeping at Adora’s feet told her otherwise—but here, this affection was finally theirs and theirs alone. Castle Bright Moon had doors that you could close and lock and use to hide secrets, like the way she loved Adora, the way that only Adora would ever truly know. By now she was purring, Adora holding her close, peacefully rubbing a hand up and down her fur.
Catra felt emboldened by Adora’s returned affection and nuzzled her face against Adora’s chest, trying to get her attention. “Hey,” she half demanded, a nonchalant tone to her voice to hide her deeper desire, “you should pet me more.”
Adora blinked, startled at the ask. “Am I not already petting you?”
“Not enough,” Catra said, shaking her head. “I mean more.”
Adora chuckled, starting to pet at Catra’s back in earnest, moving both her hands now across wider swaths of Catra’s back, ruffling the fur as she moved up and putting it back in place as she smoothed back down. “Better?”
Catra purred louder in response, her grin reflecting the self-satisfied sense of victory she’d earned by voicing her wants. “Yyyyup. Thanks princess.”
Adora smiled back and pecked a kiss at Catra’s forehead, moving a hand up to caress at Catra’s face.
Catra leaned into Adora’s hand, looking at her gently, watching that silly little pining face Adora always gave her on mornings like this. “You gonna kiss me,” Catra asked pointedly, seeing the want in Adora’s face, “or what?”
Adora’s face flushed, feeling exposed, but she swallowed the teasing and rolled with it, leaning down for a kiss as her hand moved behind Catra’s head, pale fingers laced up into threads of brown hair. The kiss was soft and kind, and Catra purred into it graciously, feeding on the attention.
When they broke, Adora’s hand didn’t move. She knew how sensitive Catra was about being pet on the head, but Catra had asked to be pet, and her hair was so soft and pretty, and she couldn’t help it. So she scratched, fingers still laced in Catra’s short but growing mane, nails pressing lightly against the cat’s scalp.
It was Catra’s turn to blush now—she hadn’t expected this. The last time Adora had tried this she’d backed away, nervous and flushed amidst the heat of a night’s passion, but now, here, she felt too tired to back away, too safe to worry it was wrong.
“That’s… I… oh…”
Catra trailed off, barely keeping track of her own thoughts, words breaking into nothing but heavy purrs and content little sighs. Why hadn’t she let Adora pet her here before? What had been wrong with it then?
And in those questions, her mind answered, dark thoughts wrapped in a sickening void. “You’re an animal,” it said, a familiar voice echoing through her thoughts. “A pet.”
Catra shook, startled at the broken memories, knowing where they’d come from. She backed away from Adora suddenly and shook her head at the intrusion. Adora made a soft gasp at Catra’s sudden motion, confused and concerned in equal measure.
“Should I stop?” Adora asked. “I know you’re not always a fan of being touched there…”
Catra cut her off, desperate to overcome the intruding thoughts. “No, no! It’s fine,” she stammered gently, “I just… I’m really sensitive there,” she half-lied, trying not to worry her partner, “it’s uh, it’s nice, just be careful, okay?”
Adora smiled then, pulling Catra close and petting at her head again, this time much more gently. “Okay,” Adora replied, “just let me know if you need me to stop, alright?”
Fighting the intrusive thoughts, Catra tried her best to let herself be loved, for once. Murky memories on the edges of her conscious awareness, accusations of inhumanity, a threat of being “put down.” And yet, in equal measure, a deep need to be loved this way—to be pet and cared for, to be given space to purr and nuzzle and knead. Low voices in her head telling her those needs were wrong contrasting with the new reality of Adora’s shining face, haloed in pink and yellow morning light, giving her everything she could have ever hoped to get and then some.
Adora felt Catra’s growing purrs and met them, scratching a bit harder at Catra’s head now, as she had been originally before Catra pulled away. It felt good, and Catra was lovely, and Catra’s fur felt so nice in her arms, and what she was doing was making Catra purr, and isn’t that all that matters?
Catra wanted so desperately to surrender to it. She couldn’t help the way she nuzzled into Adora’s chest in response. She couldn’t help how her hands began to open and close near involuntarily, claws nipping into the blankets between them and pulling back in rhythmic patterns. She couldn’t help it.
It wasn’t her fault. Her brain just told her to do these things. Scratch up the mattress and it’ll be a better nest, hiss at the cadet who hurt your friend to scare them off. Each time she let herself go it felt so right, and yet she’d spent years being punished for it. Now, she was safe, hidden by doors and walls that were hers and hers alone, held by someone who loved her enough to give her exactly what she’d wanted, and she didn’t want to hold back anymore. It was overwhelming—long-buried urges flooding her every sense. She needed so badly to let go it hurt, and at that she began to tremble, shaking in Adora’s arms as the blonde continued to pet her, nails now full on scratching at her scalp in the most wonderful way.
Adora had no idea why Catra had begun to shiver. She’d assumed that maybe Catra was still cold and pulled her in tighter, still keeping that hand fully buried in her hair. But that didn’t help—Catra still vibrated against her chest, face hidden against her skin so she couldn’t see. She paused her ministrations, gently pressing at Catra’s cheek to get her to look up.
Catra’s pupils were tiny slits, nervous and needy and scared. “Keep going,” she said, a shake creeping into her voice.
Adora couldn’t ignore the tone in Catra’s voice. It was as if she was holding something back; where there was nothing but affection and love there was now some sense of fear and trepidation, and Adora felt concerned seeing that in Catra’s face.
“Hey,” she whispered softly, “baby it’s okay. I’m here, Catra,” she reminded her girlfriend, “you’re safe.”
Catra looked up at her then, mismatched eyes staring deep into Adora’s blue, searching for any hint of malice or judgement, and didn’t find any. So Catra leaned in, unable to bear it anymore. She nuzzled her cheek at Adora’s, purring heavy as she pressed her fur into Adora’s skin. She felt a near painful need to expose a tiny spot on her jaw, buried under her fur, and press it to Adora. Her brain screamed a loop of she needs to smell like you and she couldn’t take it anymore. She gave in and pressed her scent gland into Adora’s neck, nuzzling hard, the girl above her now a deep crimson at the unbidden affection.
Adora practically stammered. She’d gotten very accustomed and comfortable with Catra’s smell over the years, but it was stronger now, somehow, and stuck to her like glue, even after Catra pulled away. Catra looked at her near dazed, still shaking, and Adora just held at her cheek gently, as if Catra were about to break under her touch. “C-Catra…”
Catra shook her head, nuzzling into Adora’s palm. “I love you,” she admitted frantically, pushing Adora’s palm away with her face, only to bury herself in the crook of Adora’s neck so she could sniff at her. “I love you.”
Adora was nervous—something about this felt familiar but wrong, even while Catra looked so happy. Trying to be tender, Adora’s hand flicked at Catra’s ear by mistake. She gasped softly, worried the touch would upset her, only to be greeted by a lovely little “mrrp” from Catra below.
The noise was involuntary but wanting. Catra looked up at Adora again, wanting more of exactly that. Maybe it was safe enough, then. Maybe she could just… give into it. She’d held it in for so long, and here Adora was, touching her, keeping her safe, keeping her whole. Holding it in hurt so, so much, and she didn’t want to anymore, not around her.
That safety pushed her to finally give in. Catra peered cautiously into Adora’s eyes and meowed at her, a soft noise beckoning Adora to keep petting her. She shook, waiting for Adora’s response, unsure what she’d find there.
Heat pooled in Adora’s stomach—had Catra really just done that? A flash in her memory brought her back to metal halls and dripping pipework, wrestling her friend on the cold floor, giggling and snorting as she tried to avoid paws and claws playfully batting at her hands. Catra looked at her then with the same security and love and hope as she had now, and she’d meowed at her then, too. It was a different meow, an excited mewl brought up through play, the sound of a child feeling nothing but joy.
The hallway got darker, and just outside Catra’s vision, an apparition had summoned itself to watch them, ghoulish and unkind. “Adora,” it said, voice dim and low and full of rage, “get away from that thing.” The shade came closer, pushing Adora away from the cat gently, closing in on the child on the floor with nothing but malice. “I told you, Adora, if it refuses to act like a proper little girl, then I’ll have no choice but to put it in a cage with the other animals.”
She turned around, then, holding Catra by the scruff of the neck, giving Adora a look that came as close to “love” as Adora knew. “You don’t want that,” Shadow Weaver asked gently, “do you, Adora?”
Adora shook her head no, then reached up for Catra. “I’ll teach her,” she said, voice little, words half-pronounced. “I promise.”
The shade set her down, silently disappearing into the dark hallway the same way it came. Adora saw a smaller Catra, frightened like she’d just seen death, and she reached out to help her friend back up. “C’mon,” she’d said then, “let’s go play somewhere else.”
Adora shook her head, dark green replaced with pastel pink, and observed Catra in her arms, waiting for any sort of reply. She stammered again, struggling to catch her breath. Her thoughts moved in overdrive, the logic center of her brain struggling to outweigh the deep dread she felt in her core. Catra never did anything wrong, she thought as she breathed in. Shadow Weaver was hurting her. Shadow Weaver was the one who was wrong, she reminded herself as she breathed out. Catra never did anything wrong.
Hands shaking, Adora reached out, swallowed the dread, and pet her, caressing behind her ear and down the back of her jaw, up and down again, watching as Catra leaned into the affection. She didn’t want these tears welling at her eyes now but watching Catra be genuinely happy, seeing her feel safe enough to do this, was nearly killing her.
She stuttered her words in a low, whispered breath, saying this as much to herself as she was to Catra. “You’re safe here, Catra. I love you.”
Catra made a sigh of deep relief and nuzzled at Adora’s hand in reply, pressing Adora to keep scratching at her ear that way. There was so much she’d wanted to say—I love you too, I trust you, thank you, I need you, I want you—but it was all too much, and words weren’t as good. Instead she meowed again, much more softly this time, melting into Adora’s continued touch.
Adora just smiled back at her, watching Catra purr peacefully under her touch in the glow of the rising sun. “I’ve got you, kitty cat,” she said softly. “I promise.”