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“I think you need to talk to Catra.”
It was evening, or what could pass for evening on a planet with three suns. Honestly Adora was kinda losing track of time. It was probably evening, it’d be better to say. Certainly Bow looked tired. And…worried?
His words pricked with concern, and Adora pulled back from the hug to give them space.
“Why? What happened? Did the mission not go well?”
He smiled then sighed, looking across to the forest where he, Catra and Melog had gone while she went to reignite the planet’s magic with Glimmer.
“No, no, it went fine,” Bow started, trying to parse what happened himself, “We found the Horde ruins the local elders talked about; much older tech than the stuff on Prime’s ship.”
“There was some automatic security system but most of it was broken so it was pretty easy to work around, but Catra just kinda…lost it when we got to the main chamber.”
“What do you mean ‘lost it’? What was in there?”
She didn’t realize how hard she was gripping Bow’s shoulder until he put his hand on hers.
“I mean she just kinda…”
He paused, as if deciding on something.
“…She almost got herself killed, Adora.”
“What?”
“She just turned and ran *right* into a security drone! If I didn’t tackle her down then there’s no way it would’ve missed its shot!”
“Bow what was in that room?”
“Nothing! Literally just a green pool with a ramp going down into it! The side had cracked and it was leaking out into the river; it was easy enough to patch up and switch off but Catra was freaking out big time. Melog couldn’t stand it.”
“I tried asking about it but she just said she hated water and she’d get an early night in once she got back. I mean sure, she hates water, but this was way more than some pet peev of hers. I thought she’d gotten better about ‘talking through stuff’, but…”
Bow trailed off, at as much of a loss as Adora, looking down around the blue-green grass as if to find a memory in it, something Catra might have said or shared in their weeks together since they’d started this magic-making roadtrip.
“I guess we never really talked much about the time when she was…you know,” He tried, “Unless she’s said anything to you?”
Adora’s frown deepened as she thought just how little they’d talked about what Catra was doing on Prime’s ship before they rescued her. Everything up to that, sure, talking through why she did this or why Catra’d done that, making sense of the mess they’d found themselves in ever since She-Ra came into the picture. That felt good to straighten out; it gave Adora a chance to look back at things that used to hurt her and make them bearable…though she had to admit some things hurt more, knowing how far back Catra had these feelings for her. How things could have changed if she was just a little better at explaining herself.
But that time on Horde Prime’s ship? It’d made sense not to dwell on it, she thought. Afterall, Prime’s gone and that kind of stuff was all over with; Glimmer’d told her about the talks they’d had and they already knew what the chip was doing when they were removing it so…why dwell? Why not let her go off with Bow to tackle something involving Prime? I mean it got the locals to trust them, didn’t it? Enough to let them try and bring the planet’s magic back…
She felt like some screws had been turned on a vice she didn’t know she was caught in. She’d messed up. She should have done something.
“Ugh, I’m such an idiot. I should’ve just gone with you guys, I should’ve known Catra’d still- We could’ve done it together, we didn’t need to split up-“
“Adora, no, hold on,” Bow cut in with a reassuring hand, “You’re not being fair. We don’t know-”
“-I should’ve known! She’s my- my-“ She sputtered, surprised at herself, “…I love her, Bow.”
“I know,” He smiled, “So go love her.”
It was simply said, but it squeezed out some insecurities. She gave him one last hug before mounting up the ramp into the ship.
“Where’s Glimmer?”
Adora stopped, the question a blip in the mood she was getting into.
“Oh, uh, doing some last-minute shopping before the stores close. Said she’s going to try and cook again tonight to celebrate another planet getting its magic back.”
“Oh. Cooking. On her own.” Bow reflected as Adora left, staring up into red clouds wistfully.
“…I miss Wrong Hordak.”
It was funny, a little. Even now Adora found herself hesitating to open the door.
I mean, it wasn’t actually funny or anything. It was dumb. She guessed so many years of Catra being volatile had rubbed off on her. It always felt like she needed to…prepare or something before talking to her like this. Steel herself.
At first, she thought maybe the nerves were just her way of being sharp to whatever tricks Catra might pull, but lately it felt like it was less about what Catra would do and more about what she would like to do. There was always something about chasing after Catra or helping her out that made Adora feel…odd. Strained. Desperate. ‘Love’ sounded too simple a word for it, but it’s the closest she’d gotten.
Not that it mattered. She shouldn’t be thinking of herself at a time like this. She didn’t matter. She needed to fix this.
She punched the door open and stepped in.
Melog peered back through dim lighting, rumbling from a bed dragged over to the corner of the room. The person they’d curled around didn’t shift but to flick their tail, bristling at the intrusion.
The stillness was familiar. A minefield of knives ready to cut them both with a single misstep; an old defence too comfortable and well-worn to discard completely.
“So, um,” Adora started, massaging her neck to ease the words out, “…Bow told me about the ruins.”
The room tightened in the silence and Adora felt those nerves rise; that gnawing feeling forcing her forward, drawing her in to sit at the side of the bed. Daring her to speak again.
“About what happened.”
“Nothing happened,” Words stabbed back, “I don’t like water, big deal.”
“Catra-“
“-And it’s none of Bow’s business!”
“Catra he’s just concerned about you!”
Adora looked down, getting to the heart of it.
“I’m concerned about you.”
“…”
Catra tightened up even as Melog unfurled, the creature giving Adora just the lightest nudge with its snout before padding out of the room, a low mumble of reassurance left to part them with.
Accepting it, Adora shifted onto the bed more fully, risking a hand onto a furred shoulder.
“Catra-“
She falters, feeling the fur needle under her touch before trying again.
“…Please, Catra…what’s this about? I thought we were going to be honest with each other now. Was I wrong?”
“…”
A blade at a time, Adora could feel her pull her defences down. She shifted her hand to the other shoulder as Catra turned, blue-gold eyes staring at her body but not her face.
Adora could feel her own expression pinch in concern at the avoidance, but didn’t push it. She just watched her breathe instead, kneading comfort into her until a hand came up to hold hers, keeping her close.
“…When Horde Prime….when he…”
Catra quivered, her other hand on her neck.
“…When he chipped me…it wasn’t like with everyone else. How everyone else got chipped, I mean.”
“He um,” Her eyes darted, “He had this pool on his ship, like the one in that ruin. He used it to…to erase Hordak’s memories, to- reset him, or whatever, before putting him back into the hivemind. Make him like every other clone.”
Adora’s hand curled a fist into her fur.
“And…that’s what they did to me. They put me in that pool. They…erased me.”
What Prime had said to her. ‘She was afraid in the end. And she suffered.’
Catra carried on before Adora could stop her; needing it out of her now it had risen to her lips.
“And it hurt. And I could feel it all going, every thought, every m-memory, all while his clones stood around me, chanting and it filled my head and- and it all just went away. What I wanted. What I hated. What I loved. Everything.”
“Until I felt nothing. Until I was nothing.”
“I fought for every piece of myself Adora. Everything. I did. I did b-but it still went away and- and when it was all gone…“
She finally looked up at her, tears glistening.
“-It felt good, Adora.”
“Catra-”
“I’d spent so long hurting myself, hurting you, hurting everyone that it felt good , Adora. That’s so messed up. It’s so messed up that I had to stop being me in order to feel like that. But that isn’t why I-...”
The hand jerked away from her neck to touch Adora’s cheek, fingertips curled against her jaw.
“…I wasn’t scared of- of feeling like that again. That feeling was a lie, that wasn’t even me. ”
There was a glimmer there in those eyes Adora wasn’t smart enough to place. Some honest fear, some primal want that drew her in- made her lean into the touch and feel the hand shake from something more potent than fear.
“B-But when I saw that pool, I…” Catra looked away, breathing just a little too hard, “I c-couldn’t…I couldn’t lose this. Me; us; what we are, who I am what I want I can’t I just…can’t.”
She choked a laugh, eyes screwing shut, wincing.
“It’s stupid. I was being stupid. I guess I just wasn’t…over it like I thought. Still weak, just like Shadow Weaver sai-”
Adora didn’t know when she pulled Catra into her arms or where her anger came from, only how shocked it made her to speak it and how desperate it sounded.
“Don’t you- don’t you dare say that!” She could barely hear herself through her tears, “W-Weak?! Catra if it wasn’t for you- if you didn’t come with me into the Heart I- I—I wouldn’t-“
She was gasping, she didn’t even know what to finish the thought with. The anger broke.
“-I am- so sorry I didn’t get there sooner Catra. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know! There is *nothing* wrong with you, okay? You’ve done something that I could never do on my own, you know that? You’ve changed , Catra. That’s the bravest, hardest thing I’ve known anyone to do. You decided to be with me even after I tried to push you away. Even after everything. Even after you knew you could die being with me.”
“And that saved me. You saved me. I-I was so ready just to sacrifice myself for the world, but you? You gave me a reason to be in it.”
Her breathing shuddered, a pause long enough to notice how wide Catra’s eyes had gotten.
“So please. Being scared doesn’t make you weak. You’ve never been weak. I love you, Catra. I lov-“
The kiss was sudden. Sweet. And there was only enough time for a needful sob before Catra came in for a deeper one, catching Adora’s words on her tongue and stealing them away with soundless answers. I’m sorry. I know. I love you too. Thankyou.
That clenched feeling in her chest pulled Adora further in, like the bars she’d erected to keep it in check were bending and this was the final wrench to pull it loose- the rasp of a rough tongue against her teeth.
Adora pushed forward onto the bed as a clawed hand traced under her shirt, nails lightly raking a moan from her throat. That felt good.
Too good. She shouldn’t be feeling good. Catra needed to feel good.
Adora twisted, trying to pull back and stop whatever it was inside her from raging out of control, suddenly guilty, wanting some structure, wanting some purpose. Aware that- no, no this isn’t the time, this wasn’t solving anything, she, she needed to be there for Catra. She needed to take this. She wanted those claws to tear this out of her. She wanted- no, she shouldn’t want. She shouldn’t-
A hand tugged her hair, forcing Adora to open eyes she didn’t realize she’d closed. Catra stared back, nuzzling. Anxious. Hungry. A thousand things at once, barely held back by a thin string of concern.
“Adora…” She kept just shy of a growl, biting it down to start again, trying to stop herself from closing those last few inches of space between them.
“Adora, I…I ran because I want to be me. I want to live, and feel, and-and love.”
”And I want to be me with you .”
The words didn’t seem to click in Adora’s head. The way Catra said it felt like she thought she…wasn’t she with her now? She was doing it right, right? It wasn’t like they hadn’t kissed before or…looked at each other. And touched and…is this okay? Or was she doing it wrong afterall? She was supposed to be here for her and she was messing it up, wasn’t she? She should just smile and let Catra vent or…
She shivered out of the thought, a single claw tracing down her side, drawing her attention back. Catra tried to explain again, voice clearer, sharper.
“You saved me. You stayed for me.”
Adora noticed a leg wrap around her waist, a tail curl around an arm, but she couldn’t feel them past the warm whispers Catra ghosted against her neck as she spoke.
“So be with me.”
There was something strange in that expression, but she was having trouble thinking. A hand travelled to Adora’s thigh. It didn’t weigh much, but it swallowed all of her attention. Possessed it in small strokes and thumbed circles.
“Wh-what do you mean? I don’t-“
“-I know what you’re thinking Adora,” Catra kept on, words scowling even she sympathized, “You want to make me feel better, so you’re trying to take all my pain and bad feelings onto yourself. Shield me. Save me. Whatever.”
Adora’s teeth grit as her jacket was yanked down part-way, trapping her arms behind her. Catra’s tone had shifted; earlier, timid admissions had driven through to a confident honesty that was pulling Adora out of herself, gravelled words paving a path to the creature inside her.
“But that won’t work. Not with me . You think that if you’re the one hurt instead, I’m gonna feel better?”
“Catra, I- unhh -“ She stalled as a claw tore a thin trail down the front of her shirt and a voice lilted in her ear.
“I’m not your job, Adora…”
Her mind shivered as Catra leant in, grazing her teeth over skin that seemed far too sensitive.
”I’m just yours.”
Adora couldn’t keep up. She didn’t know when it had happened, but this side of Catra, this part of her that had learned to change and feel and overcome…she couldn’t keep up. She needed to be useful to Catra but-she didn’t- she wasn’t-
Adora’s body went rigid with another touch.
She felt…ill. Constricted. Too hot and- was she panicking? Panting? She couldn’t think. Not with Catra here, pushing up against her. She shouldn’t be- this wasn’t the time for…these feelings, this was supposed to be about Catra, she wasn’t s-supposed to-
Adora’s moan strangled inside her, Catra breaking it with a rough tongue on her throat, dragging her pulse up to her ears.
“Hey,” Catra called, close and concerned, “It’s okay Adora. Just be honest…”
“I- I’m fine,” She lied, corrected, started over, “I’m- I- I’m sorry-”
“You want to fix things?”
“It’s-, I h-have to…” She tried to explain, but even as she did Catra nipped at her jaw, purring, and it scared her how faint those words sounded.
“You want to…?”
“I-… nmmph …”
Something was tilting inside her. Catra was so close, wrapped around her, everywhere…
Adora tried to free her arms from inside her jacket and shuddered as she felt her lover stop her, legs clinching around her tighter, locking her in place.
Another tug holds her head still. Lips ghost against hers, luring her mouth open, breathing her air.
“…You want….to…?”
Adora’s mind unmoored.
“…k-kiss ….”
She felt lips smile against hers, gratified.
“Hmm…?”
Adora strained as her hair was gripped tighter, forcing it out again. Louder. Clearer. Sensibilities dissolving as Catra teased the truth out past guilty lips.
“I…I wanna kiss you.”
“You want me?”
“I want you,” She rocked forward just to feel Catra hold her in place, “I want you.”
Adora could feel her skin flush as Catra growled against her, lashing kisses against her cheek, butting her head against hers, clinching tighter around her.
“Again.”
The voice had dropped deep and was dragging her down with it. Heavy. Almost angry with need.
“Say it.”
Adora didn’t realize how much she was trying to hold back until she stopped.
Words flicked off the surface of her thoughts, primitive like she felt, simple grunts of ‘need’ and ‘want’ and ‘please’; wild surges of energy pushing her forward to nuzzle and lick and kiss whatever part of Catra’s face she could reach. Not knowing where. Not caring why. Trembling.
“Catra. Please.” Adora had closed her eyes at some point but could still sense her stare, “I-I want you. I want you, I want you, please…”
There’s just the slightest pause. Long enough for Adora to notice her lover quake in turn. To feel whatever restraint was left… snap .
Then a shock of air as one hand tore her shirt apart, raking a hard nipple just so to get her to hiss into a firm, claiming kiss that pinned her down onto the bed, Catra shifting over her with hard, sharp moves to centre them both on it.
Adora knew it might bruise her but she didn’t care….no, she did care. She wanted it to bruise her. She wanted those claws on her, those teeth, those eyes, she wanted to scream, to pull her arms against her jacket- to feel them trapped, to rip them free and push that barbed tongue tearing at her flesh down her body and- and-
-Adora arched taut as Catra purred deep into another kiss, the rumble shaking into Adora’s chest, a clawed hand on her throat while the other tore at her pants.
Mine.
She could feel the claim being put on her and it made her moan back into her lips, tongue dragging against the side of Catra’s fangs, daring for them to sink into her, to make her feel and know that she didn’t have to do or be anything but this, here, with her.
Catra’s breath staggered and she tore Adora’s arms free from the sleeves of her jacket, pulling one to her body, the other firmly pinned to the bed- daring the stronger girl to fight back and push her hand into unsheathed nails.
For a moment she almost does, then all thoughts sink down as fingers slide between her legs, gliding over smooth, soaked lips, stroking teasing circles either side, pressing down with the flat of a palm.
Adora pants, curling a fist in the fur of Catra’s shoulder while the other grips down on the bed, legs spreading wider instinctually, needing more.
“Adora.”
Adora looks into Catra’s eyes and shivers at the wildness in them; piercing and starved and caring all at once, seeking something from her. Seeking what? She can have it. She can take it. Whatever it was, it was hers, she wanted to give…it…
…Oh.
They’d never gone this far before. They’d played around, but…
She’d forgotten to be nervous, but now it was back. But…not how she thought it’d be. Not scared or guilty. Like there was some other ruleset here that she’d fallen into after she stopped following her own. One that said it wasn’t bad for her to be here. To want to be here with her. To want her to…
Adora bit her lip.
Slowly, silently, eyes still locked to Catra’s own, she pushed back into the palm covering her sex, rolling against it.
Catra kept her eyes on her as, gently, she started to move again, Adora sighing in small noises as the fur of her hand glided over sensitive, shaved skin- a habit from teenage years she now realized why she didn’t break.
She felt nails trace the edges of wet lips, hiking her breathing up further, a thin note of desire peaking in her voice as she felt Catra’s claws retract further than she’d ever felt before. Before….before…
She closed her eyes, back curling off the bed as Catra’s fingers slid into her, pressing up, moving deeper as Catra sank down to attend a breast, her other hand shifting from Adora’s own to knead and tease the other.
She was lost and it felt so good. She raked Catra’s back, ripping open the top there. ran fingers through hair. She went to speak and found sharp fingers dragging up to her cheeks and against her lips for her tongue to suck and lick, a thumb rolling against her clit to make her plead around the fingers she’d taken into her mouth.
It was so good. She felt so good. She wanted to make her feel good too. To touch her, taste her, whatever she wanted, she’d do it. She smelled so good and she loved her. She loved this.
Grabbing a wrist she pulled Catra’s hand from her mouth, giving the fingers a final lick before hauling Catra up for a kiss.
Or she would have, if Catra didn’t drag her tongue over a hard nipple and bite it.
Her grip faltered, and Catra pounced, pinning her back to the bed, taking her lips again. Adora pushed back but couldn’t even guess if she was wrestling earnestly or just wanting to feel how weak Catra was making her.
Fingers stilled and curled up inside her, pushing and touching places that made her helpless to do anything but clench as she faltered back onto the bed, limbs shifting uselessly from what Catra was doing to her. For her.
“Hrr-C-Catra-“ She tried, dragging a hand through her lover’s short hair as she made her way back down her body.
“Stay.”
“Catra I-I wanna please you-“
“- Stay. ” She repeats, her free hand pushing its fingertips to the centre of Adora’s chest, stilling her.
Adora stayed down; the command oddly comforting as Catra continued on. She felt exhausted and elated at the same time, like a current was humming through her body and Catra had control of the dial.
“Stay…” Catra continued softly, positioning herself between Adora’s legs. Her blue-gold eyes seemed distant, like there was no space in her head to keep the words inside.
“I need you. I need…this…”
Catra withdrew her fingers fully and gave one long lap of her tongue.
Adora’s cry choked itself into insensible whines as Catra began in earnest, rolling her tongue over and inside in just the right ways for its roughness to drag out the pleasure. It was too much. It wasn’t enough.
Too overloaded to communicate what she wanted, she tightened her grip in Catra’s hair, legs locking about her head to hold her down, pull her in, another bucking, maddening cry as nails lightly raked the inside of her thigh, scratchlines forcing her to feel her own pulse- her own need throbbing , how slick and wet and needy she’d become and how good that was.
She could lose control. She could do anything. Catra was here to accept her. To… take her. Catra…. wanted her.
Catra was hers .
There was a soft flick; a tender, possessive suck on her clit and Adora came; a wordless whole body shiver as she spasmed, her mind whiting out from the pleasure as Catra kept on, swallowing, dragging it out, suckling, keeping the wave crested until something in her brain just-
“Hey Adora.”
Gentle cuddles. Purring
Heavy. warm.
Oh. Pretty eyes, looking at her.
Oh, Adora. That’s her.
…Oh!
“H-Hey,” She slurred, a hand pushing into Catra’s chest fur, “Your turn.”
Catra laughed in relief. Adora didn’t realize she’d been worried.
“Later,” She smiled, bringing Adora’s hand up around her so they could properly cuddle, “I mean, no offence but unless I’m literally sitting on your face right now I’m not sure you’re up for it.”
“’Like the sound of that.”
Catra stared back, unreadable.
“…Oh did I say that out loud? Oh gosh. Uh. Sorry,” She began, before reflecting on it, “…Actually no I’m not.”
She felt strange. Powerful. Content. Not physically powerful, but…emotionally. She was fulfilled. It was weird. What’d Perfuma call it? Zen? Whatever it was, she liked it.
“Hold me?” She offered, surprising herself with how much she felt she needed it right then.
Catra came in without hesitation. Adora breathed her in. She felt so good against her skin. She wasn’t entirely naked just yet but…well, early days. Had she been the one to tear her top open like that?
Adora frowned at the idle thought…then frowned harder as she noticed the look on Catra’s face. And that the purring wasn’t the good kind.
“…Catra?” She cupped a hand to her face to stop her turning away, “What is it?”
“…I’m sorry.”
Adora would have laughed if she wasn’t looking at her like that.
“What? What’s wrong?”
Catra made to get up, but a sudden flare of annoyance gave Adora enough grip to hold her in place.
“Are you seriously trying to be upset over blowing my mind just now?”
“…I blew your mind?”
“Catra.”
She grumbled, a little upset her deflection hadn’t paid off, but was no longer trying to get away.
“I dunno. I kinda…lost control,” She tried, “I just felt like I needed to…feel you. Sorry if I was too pushy or something. I know you’re always, like, ‘the one in charge’ or whatever-“
“-I liked it.”
They both paused.
“I…liked it,” Adora continued, feeling the thought out, “Huh. I liked it. That you let me, uh, want you. Like that. Or let me not really care about…more than you? Nrrrgh. Complicated.”
Catra laughed, and Adora felt herself smile through her blush.
“Wow, you’ve a thing for getting handled by me? How embarrassing for you~~”
“Oh shut up! As if you don’t like it either!”
“What, me handling you?”
“What- no-! The opposite of that!”
Catra grinned slyly and Adora relaxed in turn, a small laugh and a sigh to banish the embarrassment.
“But seriously, are you sure you’re alright?”
The silence was thoughtful rather than anxious, Catra soothing herself with strokes against Adora’s arm as she considered everything.
“…Yeah, I’m fine. All I needed was you,” She paused, considering, “I just wanted to feel like…I dunno. I wanted to know how far I’ve come. Know where I am.”
Know I’m Yours.
Blue-gold eyes found hers, and Adora read a similar question in them. How did she feel?
It was weird. Like she’d been emptied, somehow. Wiped clean. Something about this beautiful woman across from her just…made everything else fall away. Let her be someone she could never be anywhere else. Have something she could never otherwise have.
Something Mine.
She smiled back, content enough with the feeling, even if she didn’t understand it. The curtain was lifting from her mind a little, and she could sense there was a sudden, crushing weight of comfortable fatigue hiding right behind it.
“I love you.” She snuggled, touching her forehead to Catra’s.
“Yeah. I love you too.”
“I…might need a nap before the meal,” She admitted, “Glimmer’ll be back soon with ingredients.”
“Glimmer’s cooking?”
“…Yeah.”
“Alone?”
“…”
“…I miss Wrong Hordak.”
FIN