Work Text:
there is a bar underground that yoongi sees every day but never enters.
the name of it is written in a deep violet shade. a single strong source of light pointed at it makes the phrase pansy purple daze stand out. makes yoongi’s gaze linger.
and yet he decides not to check it out, prefers to only look at it when coming back from work. leaning against the windowpane, usually exhausted from the long night shift, lingering between being asleep and awake. all shapes blur at the edges with how fast the train ride is, but then, one stop before his, there is a clear view on the bar.
with his work schedule being irregular, yoongi could technically check the place out during the days he clocks out at a reasonable hour like nine pm and yet. he likes to think of this bar as something unreachable, exciting because of the secrecy.
until one night he feels especially exerted from work, figuring that it’s either coffee or passing out in the streets. and so he decides to check the place at last, for the first time since he moved to hong kong.
he will miss the secret atmosphere surrounding the place, his own mystery created only to be ruined for nobody else to see, to prove it was even there.
yoongi stumbles inside, swaying, almost falling asleep on his feet already. he orders an americano at the bar after bumping into a guy in a hawaiian shirt and mumbling an apology.
settles in a quiet, dirty booth. looks around after his first sip of coffee wakes him up, letting him take in the surroundings. rough lines of prefab furniture and lighting of a cheap strip club, both secretive and flashy at the same time. but it doesn’t bother yoongi at all, he likes the contradiction.
not many people are there inside, mostly those who look like they need a space to hide or show off. underground and displaying their differences from the world above.
the hawaiian shirt is still standing by the bar. now that yoongi takes a better, unhurried look at him he notices that this stranger is ungodly attractive. even despite his questionable clothing choices, wide linen pants and lensless glasses. like he came back from a family cruise or something.
too occupied, yoongi fails to notice he is being observed. he gets caught staring.
the hawaiian shirt doesn’t seem to mind. he is leaning against the bar comfortably, looking at yoongi, evaluating him. that's what it seems like. eyes daring, striking to the point it makes yoongi want to look away. the stranger seems quite rude to be doing that, ogling yoongi shamelessly like this. maybe when you are a guy like him it doesn’t matter, you don’t care about such things as courtesy. when you are a guy who wears ridiculous clothes and glasses without lenses.
yoongi scoffs, forgetting he’s being watched. something like amusement appears on the guy's face. like a dare. makes yoongi embarrassed all of a sudden. he struggles to pretend something extremely interesting just appeared on his phone. the guy approaches him anyway.
‘you mind?’
he minds.
‘shit’, he mumbles under his breath, trying to figure out how to decline politely but then the hawaiian shirt speaks again.
‘oh, a korean.’
oh.
‘i am.’
the stranger smiles and yeah, it’s a really pleasant smile. contagious and a little intimidating, accompanied by eye contact that never breaks. yoongi wonders what prompts such confidence in people.
the hawaiian shirt sits opposite, places his drink on the table softly. he doesn’t speak, just stares. leans against the back of his chair, comfortably, annoyingly so. yoongi doesn’t know why the laid-back attitude of this guy irks him so much.
‘you look annoyed,’ he says plainly.
‘it’s two in the morning,’ yoongi answers.
‘that’s a poor excuse.’
‘matches the vibe of my life.’
a genuine chuckle is what yoongi gets in response.
this is the thing about hawaiian shirt, he seems to be collecting his thoughts carefully before speaking. yoongi wonders whether he is one of those koreans who had grown up here and had never truly learned their mother tongue. attended the saturday school and watched dramas, nothing more, chinese and english remaining as their priorities.
but then this guy’s vocabulary doesn’t seem to be particularly lacking. yoongi asks him about his upbringing and the guy says he lived in korea until he was ten. managed to pick on the language enough. still feels insecure about it sometimes. yoongi says it’s okay.
and it is, even this whole situation doesn’t throw him off anymore. god, he is so tired.
‘you know why i approached you?’ the guy asks then.
‘cause i’m irresistible?’ he immediately curses his exhausted mind for suggesting that, it’s a risky thing to say. yoongi holds his breath, anticipating the worst.
surprisingly, the stranger laughs again, doesn’t mock. it makes yoongi wonder.
‘well, that and. you seem like someone willing to take a risk. someone adventurous.’
‘you totally got me here,’ yoongi almost laughs.
he can’t believe how ridiculous this conversation is getting. at this point he is probably delirious from the lack of sleep and proper food. yoongi calls this a critical hour of his day (night?). exhausted from work, he looks like a potato sack. clothes worn out and baggy, hair all tucked inside a beanie, his existence depending solely on the coffee in front of him. adventurous being the very opposite to how he is feeling right now.
the shirt doesn’t seem to be thrown off by yoongi’s stance, he only clicks his tongue, licks over his lips. fucking attractive motherfucker. yoongi is so definitely dreaming.
‘i’m serious.’
‘okay mister serious, what’s your deal?' head throbbing, yoongi swallows down the remains of his americano, bitter taste of it bringing him back to reality, slightly. maybe. ‘like, actually. and keep it brief, please.’
a distant rattle of glasses resonates in the room, the only other customers having finished their drinks. they stand up and leave. the bar becomes their own.
‘look. i know this place well and i know it kind of, it doesn’t seem alluring to people for some reason. so when someone new comes in, it means something,’ the stranger cuts himself off again and picks up just as quickly, expression mischievous. ‘don’t tell me you didn’t get that impression before finally coming here.’
‘i have no idea what you’re talking about.’
the stranger smiles like he knows something yoongi doesn’t. yoongi must admit that this look of satisfaction suits him well.
‘and also,’ yoongi says. ‘stop addressing me formally, it’s annoying.’
‘but then you would have to reveal your name to a stranger,’ hawaiian shirt wiggles his brows
yoongi groans but gives away his name and age, extending a hand because he is polite and well-mannered, contrary to certain someone.
‘i’m kim taehyung. how about i call you hyung?’
‘guess it’s better than nothing,’ yoongi says, and okay that’s odd but he feels giddy hearing the honorific coming out of taehyung’s mouth pretty like this. not that he is going to admit this to anyone ever.
‘okay, let’s go,’ taehyung prompts. ‘since you agreed-’
‘i agreed?’
‘you said you are up for an adventure.’
yoongi snorts, taehyung really is the most bizarre person he’s ever met. but it doesn’t really feel like a bad thing.
so when he motions for yoongi to follow him, he does just as easily.
‘taehyung, wait, wait,’ yoongi gasps, feeling the younger’s hands slide on his body, down, dangerously so.
‘no one can see us here,’ a reply comes muffled as taehyung has his face still buried in yoongi’s neck, his lips brushing against the skin as he speaks. making yoongi a bit worked up but not to the point of breaking.
taehyung’s right, probably. as they remain hidden inside a dirty bathroom stall at the platform, the flickering, buzzing lights being the only witnesses to what they're about to do.
but it’s not the matter of being seen. can’t be when there is nothing to look at in the first place.
‘i just finished work, i can’t… i’m too exhausted. i thought i could, but,’ yoongi says, regretful.
there’s no response at first and the silence that falls cools yoongi more than the bathroom tiles he is being pressed against. tries to speak again.
‘we can, uh, meet up some other time, if you-’
‘i don’t think that’s a good idea,’ taehyung cuts in, but his voice doesn’t sound harsh. resigned if anything.
‘why?’ comes out quiet and fragile, more than yoongi would like for it to be.
‘i’m not trying to hang out.’
yoongi experiences something like sobering up, despite not drinking earlier.
‘and i’m done doing things that don’t matter.’
‘that settles things then.’
taehyung steps away, smiling goodbye, apologetic and sad almost. maybe. maybe it’s just yoongi projecting. he leaves, just like that. like he was never really here.
~ ~
yoongi lives at the kimberley street, so basically a korean enclave. it may be preventing him from practicing the language but at the same time, it adds a bit of comfort and familiarity to his life, making homesickness never really get to him.
the room he rents is small but not suffocatingly so, more on the cosy side, if anything. the only downside to it is that it’s situated at the end of the corridor. in order to reach it, yoongi has to walk past a black hole that used to be room number sixteen once. which isn’t too pleasant.
it feels especially draining tonight.
when yoongi falls to his bed at well past four in the morning, he can’t escape rewinding the events in his head. wondering whether it would be better if he woke up realizing this was all a dream.
~ ~
the next day when yoongi is on his way home from work, he leaves one stop earlier and walks straight into the bar. again. orders the same americano and sits in the same nasty corner booth. he isn’t waiting for taehyung. he is simply not rejecting the possibility of them talking again.
and if he wore some nice clothes today, that’s nobody’s business.
taehyung does come to the bar after a while, sparking something inside yoongi, curiosity with a bit of selfish joy. but they get shut down almost immediately because as soon as taehyung sees yoongi he turns away and leaves.
~~
‘wait!’
taehyung doesn’t react, marching swiftly along the platform, ignoring yoongi’s attempt to catch up with him.
a train drives past them and its loud sounds muffle yoongi’s pleading voice. as it passes, the space around goes back to quiet. and yoongi tries again, calls after taehyung.
finally, he turns away.
‘what is it?’ taehyung asks and as much as he tries to look annoyed, there's a glint of hesitance and that’s what ushers yoongi to not just leave him alone like that.
‘sorry if i’m bothering you.’ taehyung rolls his eyes but doesn’t cut in. ‘look, i get it, you are looking for a quick fuck but. i’m not really into that.’
‘then what do you want from me, hyung?’ it sounds weird now that he uses the honorific but it also seems to make taehyung less… indifferent.
‘how about you take me somewhere. aren’t you the adventurous type?’
taehyung listens to him and looks torn between being mad and amused.
‘don’t use my words against me.’
‘prove them first.’
no reaction. another train passes. taehyung exhales loudly.
‘i can’t believe i’m doing this,’ he mumbles with a smile tugging at his lips. lifts up the corners slightly and washes away the remaining annoyance.
~ ~
with koi fish sellers going home and other tent shops closing, streets of hong kong transform into their new form. neon lights wash away the sleepiness, attracting different types of crowds. yoongi feels more awake than he did when leaving his work. the company of taehyung may have to do something with it as well.
after a while of walking together, getting used to each other’s presence, taehyung becomes less reserved. starts dropping comments about the area. how there’s a booth nearby with amazing dim sums but it’s only open on the odd-numbered days. or tells a story about a highschool girl who does fortune telling right around the corner, under the stairs to some small shopping centre. warns yoongi against going to her ever.
‘i’ll keep that in mind,’ yoongi promises half-jokingly.
‘i’m serious,’ taehyung says, turning to him. ‘watch out for that little witch.’
‘speaking from experience?’
‘oh yeah. went there only once and i’m gonna regret it sooner or later.’
for a while it’s quiet again. yoongi tries not to flood taehyung with questions, but there’s this indescribable curiosity that the taehyung spikes. starting from the way he looks to how he speaks and carries himself.
‘you seem to know so much about the city,’ yoongi tries, this time not with question.
‘told you i’ve lived here my whole life. well, the conscious part of it, let’s say.’
‘that’s not a given. i know so little of my old hometown.’
‘why, are you a hermit or something?’
‘just busy. always focused on work,’ yoongi says truthfully.
‘i can tell, just by looking at you. seriously.’
‘what’s up with you saying that you’re serious all the time?’
taehyung doesn’t answer at first and yoongi guesses he won’t get an answer but then it happens.
‘not used to being taken this way. like someone thoughtful. it’s all because i’m that hot,’ he laughs.
‘maybe that’s why they don’t take you seriously,’ they walk past a group of laughing girls, one of them winking at yoongi. ‘because you hide behind being obnoxious.’
‘that’s so patronizing.’
‘guess i like getting on your nerves.’
the streets are busy, when aren’t they, and the sound of the car engines is reassuring. muffles the silence exactly when it needs to. the longer they walk, the fewer people are on the streets, which is not reassuring to yoongi at all.
‘where are you taking me?’ he asks.
‘are you really having second thoughts now?’ taehyung says, not paying much attention to yoongi’s distress.
‘the prospect of getting murdered doesn’t seem too appealing you know.’
‘do i?’
they reach a street that has absolutely no one there. looks like a back alley, full of trash cans and electrical boxes. smoke and steam coming from somewhere close. there is something unsettling about the place.
at last, taehyung stops at some sort of a side gate, rusty and unlocked. looks around his shoulder and pushes forward, the creaking sound causing a shiver to run through yoongi’s spine.
behind the gate however, there is a whole new world.
~ ~
what hits yoongi first is how despite the dead of the night he can see clearly with thousands of lanterns hanging above their heads. there are tent shops and market stalls everywhere but there is nothing familiar about the products put on their displays.
yoongi has never seen fruit like these before. even if he tried he wouldn’t be able to figure out their names. and so he doesn’t attempt that, enjoys the blissful lack of knowledge. chooses to remain in the unknown to enhance the sensations coming from every direction, all the various smells and rich colours. the feeling of something that's beyond human comprehension.
‘try to stick with me. you won’t find your way out alone,’ taehyung says.
‘what is this place?’ there is nothing but pure awe in yoongi’s voice.
taehyung turns to look at him with a spark in his eyes, playfulness dancing on his lips.
‘i call it a midnight market. but to be honest, i have no idea. now, let’s go’
taehyung is navigating through the stands expertly, greeting some of the sellers, exchanging a few words with others. yoongi struggles to follow, getting distracted easily.
there’s more than just strange fruit and pretty light. from the crowd, there are performers of different sorts emerging, making yoongi stop and appreciate their art. a guy with spinning plates is walking around, not skipping a beat once. some people are wearing masks, singing and dancing with passerbys. on the highstands there are girls bending their bodies to the point yoongi has to look away, afraid to hear the sound of bones cracking. nothing like this happens. it’s all like one big festival of a holiday he has no idea about.
the scent of spices and sizzling oil is coming from a different part of the market, tempting to yoongi’s deprived stomach used to the artificial taste of the instant food.
he wonders if he can go grab something together with taehyung. and that’s when he notices. the other is nowhere to be seen.
yoongi’s panic rises. he starts looking around desperately, not recognizing anything about the place. searching for taehyung among the crowd. it scares yoongi he’d gotten trapped in this maze of curiosities and explosions of colours forever. but soon, there is a hand gripping his.
‘fuck, where were you,’ he gasps, relieved to see taehyung’s ugly shirt that looks like it had been splashed with paint.
‘i was just checking something,’ he says like it explains anything.
it cools down yoongi’s panic and there’s exasperation taking over.
‘what if i got lost, fuck, you said i won’t be able to get out alone.’
‘oh hyung, but we’re together now right? everything’s fine,’ taehyung coos and it hits yoongi like a splash of cold water.
‘i can’t believe you just did that to me,’ he says with a petulant voice.
feigning innocence taehyung looks at him and says, ‘i was checking if you were worth my time~’ the audacity. ‘now come on. i’ll take you to my favourite spot. no more jokes i promise.’
~ ~
‘this is our destination for tonight,’ taehyung says proudly.
yoongi takes a closer look at the building.
‘a dentist office?’ he asks confused, seeing the display name above the entrance.
‘yah, what’s fun about that. we are climbing at the top of it.’
‘you’re joking, right?’
‘not at all,’ taehyung smiles with his whole face and yoongi begins to regret every decision in his life that has led him to this point.
~ ~
the fire escape route is how they get there, of course. it’s a relatively short building compared to others in hong kong, but the whole way up makes yoongi gasp for air in no time anyway. somehow he manages to reach the rooftop without coughing out his lungs. it’s quite an achievement. taehyung doesn’t fail to tease him about it.
they sit down, resting against the railing. observe the bustling life they left behind.
‘who are they?’ yoongi asks, looking at the crowd, selling and buying. dancing, celebrating without needing a reason to.
now tiny and insignificant too.
‘they are people who got lost, some of them. or decided to stay. here in a place free of worry. happy,’ taehyung’s words have some bitter tone to them, something like longing or regret.
‘well, free of worry doesn’t mean happy,’ yoongi observes quietly.
‘how so?’
‘you can only feel so much in a place where you can’t face the pain. you can’t move forward. it’s an illusion, that sort of happiness.’
maybe it’s hypocritical of him to say, but it’s not like yoongi is about to preach this to anyone. it’s not a judgement, just an observation. technically speaking, he falls under the same category as the people from the midnight market.
‘stop looking at me,’ yoongi whines, feeling taehyung’s gaze on him constantly.
‘i just, i never thought of that,’ he admits.
~ ~
they part after sneaking through the gate to the market. exchange an awkward sort of goodbye, too restrained after spending this time together. yoongi doesn’t want taehyung to make false promises so he swallows down the need of saying see you. goes for a cheeky yet safe sleep well and gets rewarded with a charming smile from the other.
could mean nothing, but at the same time yoongi can’t help escaping the quiet voice in his head that suggests that somehow, somehow it does mean something. now it does.
~ ~
few days pass during which yoongi refrains from going to the pansy purple daze. partially because his schedule doesn’t allow him a single breath. also not wanting to look too eager, he goes straight back home.
it’s odd but he knows taehyung will be there, at the bar. it’s an unjustified certainty and yet. gets confirmed as yoongi comes back, met with a knowing smirk and an invite to come sit with him and enjoy a drink.
‘you know why i agreed to spend time with you in the end?’ taehyung asks after a while of listening to the sound of trains and shoegaze music, not talking but not needing to as well.
‘because you wanted to have fun seeing me panic in the crowd?’ he answers, still feeling bitter about it a little.
‘well that, and. your interest in me is really flattering. and maybe, just maybe though.’ obviously. yoongi laughs at this part. ‘i saw something in you that made me interested.’
‘even if we don’t fuck?’ yoongi asks, doubtful.
‘... even if we don’t fuck. i was kind of expecting you to come back even if i wasn’t happy about it at first.’
‘you could’ve just gone somewhere else to find a lay.’
‘i can’t. it has to be pansy.’
‘why?’
‘i’m waiting for a train here.’
~ ~
after they leave, yoongi asks, a little braver this time around.
‘let’s see each other again? tomorrow?’
taehyung looks torn, but then he says, ‘i hope so.’
it comes out sad for some reason.
~ ~
tonight yoongi runs in front of the black hole wanting nothing but a peace of mind. it gets exhausting to be looking at this spot every day, being constantly reminded of it. he wants to forget about it at least for a while. fails to do so.
~ ~
next time they go to the midnight market again. taehyung buys them something to drink and snack on and yoongi discovers flavours indescribable and unforgettable. they sure do come from a midnight market.
‘hyung.’
‘hmm.’
‘why don’t you change your job?’
‘what kind of question is that?’
‘i don’t know.. you seem unhappy with it, tired. like it’s holding you back.’
there are other reasons for that, which yoongi is not ready to share just yet.
‘it’s an okay job though,’ he sighs. ‘i even wanna get promoted but…’
‘but?’
‘i don’t know. it’s overwhelming. i need to improve my cantonese, learn so many other things too.’
‘i thought you were all about committing?’ taehyung tries. it sounds like he isn’t sure if he’s being inappropriate.
‘i struggle a lot.’
‘i think i’m like that too,’ taehyung whispers.
‘so you lied to me about your no strings shit,’ this time it’s yoongi that tries the light-hearted tone.
‘i didn’t say that,’ taehyung mumbles, cheeks going pink.
‘but you kind of implied it.’
‘maybe i just like messing with you.’
‘or maybe you’re scared of me getting to know you,’ yoongi says, clinging onto this newfound revelation.
‘can’t disagree with that,’ taehyung says after a while, voice tainted with bashfulness and vulnerability that seem like a confession of sorts. it messes with yoongi’s heart a bit.
~ ~
another day, same booth. same dreamy music is playing much to taehyung’s delight. he keeps bobbing his head and humming along, his interpretations of the french words far from what they should be.
‘one thing that you want that cannot be bought,’ yoongi asks, twirling a straw of his drink in an idle movement.
‘it’s basically giving me an excuse to be pretentious, hyung.’
‘actually i'm in a mood for your nonsense tonight,’
‘why?’
‘makes me feel better about my own.’
‘i like that. okay, what i want,’ taehyung pretends to wonder but yoongi can tell he already knows his answer. ‘i want perfection.’
‘right.’
‘i’m-’ he catches himself, right before saying it. yoongi lets him have this small victory.
‘you want to be perfect?’
‘i wanna do things perfectly,’ but after yoongi rolls his eyes he adds. ‘okay, good enough at least. so i can engage properly without regret.’
‘that’s actually smart.’
‘should i be offended that you sound surprised?’
‘probably. okay and what about something that can be bought?’
‘a double-ended dildo.’
they burst out laughing together getting eyes on them from the patrons and the bartender. neither of them care. that’s the thing about taehyung, this distinct quality of being disconnected from the world. not detached but just, well above. yoongi doesn’t know anybody else like this. but then again, there are so many things about taehyung that yoongi well, likes.
not as a source of entertainment but inspiration and it’s a sentiment he is willing to admit.
~ ~
‘hyung, why do you think i’m intimidating?’
‘the fuck, i never said you are intimidating.’
‘but you thought so.’
yoongi doesn’t say anything at that.
‘so. why?’
they are sitting on the roof again. night can only be felt this way. on the level that city lights can’t reach just as easily. yoongi gets really pensive at moments like this one. when everything becomes distorted leading him into believing there is no such thing as time itself. only the moment he exists in. now along with taehyung.
yoongi lowers himself into a lying position. stars can’t be seen from here. the sight of them is something he misses.
‘i think,’ he says eventually, looking up at the sky, focusing on the hue that lights make. trying desperately to find something to rest his eyes on. ‘it’s the way you hold my gaze.’
‘is it uncomfortable?’
‘no, it’s… fine,’ yoongi’s words sound so quiet he wonders if taehyung hears him.
‘just fine?’ taehyung presses, mimicking yoongi’s way of speaking. for some reason it makes the air thicken, the lower register of his voice.
‘it’s science. like, all that excessive eye contact. fucks with your brain and makes you, you know, feel things.’
there’s a shuffling sound followed by taehyung lying down next to him. yoongi doesn’t have to look to know taehyung is looking at him, the gaze burning. well, more like tingling, its warmth pleasant.
‘you think i do it on purpose, hyung?’
‘well, do you?’
‘do you want me to?’
the warmth is growing and it weakens yoongi’s stubbornness. it’s forcing him to turn his head left. only a little bit, just get a glance. a taste.
‘hyung.’
he gives up then meets the eyes that have been resting on him so heavily. dark and intense. expectant too.
‘what i want,’ yoongi whispers. ‘is for you not to break my heart. and i feel like it already happened. back then, first night we met.’
nothing. for a while nothing happens. and then everything at once.
between taehyung’s whisper of i’m sorry and him climbing on top of yoongi is only a tiny little moment. for a blink of an eye, a quick exhale. and suddenly taehyung is all yoongi sees. although, he must admit, it’s been like this for some time. now taehyung is also all yoongi feels.
‘don’t be,’ he continues, breathless, almost. ‘i think having you for a while is better than not at all.’
‘you have me,’ taehyung says, closing his eyes. ‘you have me.’
when they kiss it’s slow and delicate. taehyung leans down and presses their mouths together, the faintest touch. not afraid, careful. it’s nice. when yoongi imagined them kissing, now he can admit that he did, he used to picture it rushed and passionate. almost angry. but this, it feels nice the way they are kissing now.
when it ends, it ends too quickly.
taehyung cups yoongi’s cheek, his expression faltering. he is looking down on yoongi, eyes careful, piercing. like he is searching for something. and whatever it is, yoongi will probably give it to him just like that.
his hands find their way to taehyung’s waist. not gripping tightly, not wanting to break the spell. just reassuring himself about the reality of it. he wonders what taehyung is thinking about.
‘i’m sorry,’ taehyung says again.
even if it hurts, yoongi can’t help but chuckle at that. his laughter bitter but still genuine.
‘what does it say about me if this is the first thing you say after we kissed?’
taehyung smiles back at him and kisses him again, this time a little firmer. still not just how yoongi would like it to be, so. he parts his lips, letting taehyung in. his tongue is in yoongi’s mouth and it’s addicting, how easily it slides in and out. driving yoongi desperate and needy. he hums appreciatively, reveling in the way their bodies meet too, not just their lips.
however, yoongi doesn’t feel like commiting a public indecency just yet.
when they part this time, there’s a smacking sound and yoongi chuckles again, embarrassed. he pushes at taehyung’s chest slightly. lets him know this is the farthest he is willing to go.
‘is tomorrow still okay?’ yoongi asks after a while, sitting up.
it takes taehyung a moment to reply.
‘i think so, yeah.’
‘okay.’
taehyung sits up as well and yoongi groans.
‘what is it?’ taehyung frowns.
‘now i just want to keep kissing you again.’
‘i thought from the two of us, you are the irresistible one, hyung?’
‘and you were supposed to be serious,’ yoongi deadpans.
‘guess we’re both liars.’
‘but i am irresistible!’
taehyung laughs for the first time tonight and it makes yoongi’s heart sing.
~ ~
‘let me take you somewhere.’
‘hyung, you don’t have to-’
‘i really want to.’
~ ~
taehyung doesn’t ask about the black hole in the hallway, although he eyes it carefully when walking past it.
yoongi refrains from commenting on it either.
he tries to calm the trembling of his hands when unlocking the door but there are too many emotions coming at once, stirring the calm. anxiety and excitement, and most of all the proximity of taehyung, burning hot with desire.
once they enter the room and the sound of the lock clicking resonates within yoongi’s tiny four walls, yoongi speaks up, not facing taehyung just yet. door too his room being the only witness to his embarrassed face.
‘i prepped myself,’ he mumbles.
‘what was it?’
‘you, you heard me.’
yoongi feels taehyung’s hand on his shoulder, urging him to turn around. he obliges, feeling the heat spreading everywhere from his cheeks. he opens his eyes that were squeezed shut until now.
in front of him taehyung looks like he wants to devour him.
‘i thought i was the presumptuous one,’ he whispers, leaning in.
‘don’t flatter yourself. i just, i prefer to do it myself,’ this is only partially true, but taehyung doesn’t need to know everything. save at least some of yoongi’s sanity.
he studies yoongi carefully, caressing his face slightly. the touch is as pleasant as it is tingling, making yoongi want to shiver and whine, overeager, touch-starved.
‘did you at least think of me?’
‘i didn’t.’
taehyung pouts, but the playful glint in his eyes doesn’t disappear. he leans in but not for the sake of kissing yoongi. he tilts his head to whisper directly into his ear.
‘hyungie, you’re a bad liar.’
then they kiss, slow and deep. yoongi’s tongue prods at taehyung’s lips, wants to feel, to taste. taehyung lets him in, lets out a low hum, follows where yoongi takes him.
they begin to undress each other, no patience or finesse this time, getting stuck halfway to connect their lips again, to touch, to hold. it’s frantic and messy, it has to be so nothing else disrupts their growing want. no thoughts of what does or doesn’t come next. only now, only the present. the moment when taehyung falls to yoongi’s small bed, naked, disheveled. glorious in his state of messiness.
yoongi wants to just stand there and look at taehyung’s golden skin, how slender yet soft his body looks. how beautiful and unreal. but then, every moment spent just looking at taehyung could be a moment of touching him as well and yoongi is great at multitasking.
he comes over to the edge of the bed, every movement followed by taehyung’s hooded eyes. first morning rays come through the window shades, not covered carefully before. even if taehyung looks spectacular in the glow of the night, there's nothing compared to this divine look in the day.
yoongi straddles his lap slowly, thighs shaking a bit and taehyung catches on that because his palms are there quickly to soothe the trembling.
‘i’ve got you,’ he says quietly.
yoongi doesn't answer, just grabs the lube and condom from the windowstill where he left them. preparing for this.
with the corner of his eye he can see taehyung reaching for the items but yoongi cuts him through it, puts them back in place and lies down, pressing his bare body against taehyung. hiding his face in his neck. feeling the breathing of his chest rising and falling. hearing a heartbeat much quicker than he thought.
‘hyung,’ worry slips into taehyung's voice as gentle as the hand that starts threading through yoongi's hair in a soothing way.
‘i don’t like bottoming in general,’ he breathes into taehyung’s skin.
‘we don’t have to-‘
‘i know what i want. want you inside me, really bad. fingered myself and imagined it was you, your hands,’ he says that in one go, feeling vulnerable and small. hears taehyung's breath catch and hands grip tighter at his body. too much and not enough. ‘it’s just, how is this different from that time in the bathroom?’
‘how? hyung, it’s so different from then. if you… if we did, back then. i only cared about getting off, nothing else. but now. now i feel, i need you to know. i want to make you feel good and wanted,’ he says, voice strained, aroused. ‘that’s how you make me feel, yoongi.’
taehyung sits up, carefully, and holds yoongi close. hands wandering up and down his back make yoongi aware of how much he is aching for taehyung’s touch. they hold each other, letting the sun wash over them. eventually they change the position, with taehyung hovering over yoongi, kissing, touching him. taehyung stretches him some more. yoongi revels in the pleasure.
taehyung slides in and stills, holding eye contact with yoongi.
yoongi can vaguely remember the times when he was younger and not experienced enough and neither were his partners. when the pleasure was mixing with something else that he didn’t regret, but also didn’t seek later on. now it’s all just a blur, when it’s taehyung inside him. it’s nothing like those times.
carefully, taehyung starts rolling his hips, only barely so, making yoongi grow impatient and feverish. all in the good way, best one possible.
‘please, taehyung,’ he says with a strained voice, arching his back, pushing himself down on taehyung’s cock. making taehyung groan and oblige, at last.
he has his ankles hooked behind taehyung’s back, same for the arms, only higher up. now they threaten to slide off as taehyung speeds up a bit, rolling his hips deeper, more sensual. he pants into yoongi’s ear, voice deep and rough, addicting. his body feels warm and supple under yoongi’s hands, he wishes he could hold taehyung like this all the time.
even if he knows he can’t.
now it doesn’t matter, intrusive thoughts fade out quickly as taehyung hits his prostate and yoongi cries out, clenching around him. he can feel every inch of taehyung’s cock dragging along his walls, sending strikes of pleasure everywhere. making him sensitive and panting, all worked up so easily. he holds on tighter, biting down on his lips, not wanting to be too loud, to raise any suspicion among the neighbours.
taehyung gets the clue and lowers himself, catching yoongi’s mouth with his own, swallowing down the moans, desperately so. with taehyung’s thrusts growing erratic, yoongi can tell it’s all going to be over soon. taehyung begins saying some quiet pleads and praises but yoongi can’t exactly tell what they are. the warmth of his body and high of the mind peak and then start to fade gradually.
after they clean themselves briefly, yoongi notices how far the sun has made its way through the room. it’s already late.
as they are dressing up, searching for the right clothes, taehyung speaks up quietly.
‘we should have stuck to no-feelings thing, hyung.’
yoongi stills, a little thrown off. but he can’t say he didn’t think about it too.
‘would it change anything?’ he asks.
‘... i don’t know. maybe. it would hurt less at least.’
‘do you regret it then?’
‘no,’ taehyung answers quickly, turning to face yoongi fully. ‘do you?’
‘you know i don’t.’
‘i do,’ taehyung smiles faintly. ‘still. it’s nice to hear you say it.’
~ ~
when they leave the building it feels like a broken spell. some awkwardness getting between them, making space for sadness to settle too.
they don’t talk on the way to the station, but it feels oddly appropriate for the moment. there are no more words to be shared at this point. taehyung saw it coming and yoongi started figuring it out as their relationship progressed.
their hands brush against each other occasionally. each time it happens it causes yoongi’s skin to tingle. but he doesn't try to hold onto the feeling. it isn’t really goodbye-appropriate.
at the platform there are no other people. however, taehyung’s train is already waiting.
there’s nothing distinctly odd about it. aside from the pink neon ‘hong kong express’ letters shining at the front. feels like they are mocking them.
taehyung grabs yoongi’s face and kisses him on the lips, bruisingly. yoongi hopes he can see the proof of it when he wakes up.
with no goodbye taehyung turns around and enters the train. it leaves, quietly, taking taehyung away. he disappears from yoongi’s life as quickly as he had entered it.
~ ~
yoongi comes back to his room and falls asleep immediately, not even changing his clothes. when he wakes up at what probably is two pm, he drags himself to the common bathroom. looks at the mirror and sees no memories of taehyung on his lips. it’s only the traces of tears on yoongi’s cheeks that make his face look different.
walking down the hallway yoongi ponders about his tragic love life and poor choices when it comes to it. he pledges to never let himself be this reckless again. he is so deep in his thoughts he almost misses it. almost.
it’s like a thunderbolt striking him, the realization coming upon him. making him freeze in place, unable to move. slowly, he turns to the side and sees the door number sixteen. the black hole is gone.
before yoongi can pull himself together and try knocking, the door opens, making him come face to face with a person he hasn’t seen in a long time.
‘hyung?’ jimin almost screams, surprised.
~ ~
whatever jimin was about to attend can wait, apparently, because he invites yoongi inside, lets him sit on the bed.
despite the apprehension accompanying him, yoongi dares to look around jimin’s room. some details have changed, others remained the same. books and diaries piling up, almost not letting the sun in. photographs attached to the wall spreading everywhere like an ivy, but not the poisonous one, quite the opposite. yoongi’s eyes follow this memory lane and reach what’s probably a statement piece of the room, the one he remembered the best.
a golden-framed mirror hanging opposite the bed. making yoongi face himself while he tries to find a way to begin his confession. jimin probably made him sit there on purpose. jimin himself is leaning against the wall, right next to it, watching yoongi carefully.
here goes nothing.
‘i guess i should’ve come earlier-’
‘that’s not a great way to start, hyung,’ jimin stops him there, a little displeased.
‘always cutting in,’ yoongi mumbles, not missing the playful smile appearing on jimin’s lips. ‘but, yeah, right, you’re right. i mean, i hurt you and never apologized properly, so i’m here now to say i’m sorry. i’m sorry i wasn’t always open about my feelings and worries. that i left you wondering and unsure, it was shitty and wrong and i promise i’m better than this. i miss you in my life and i have no idea how i managed to go on for so long without you.’
jimin doesn’t answer immediately. words settle between them, bring back memories. spark hope and fear.
‘thank you for saying this,’ jimin whispers, cheeks rosy, eyes darting to stop the tears from falling. ‘apology accepted. and hyung, please, don’t put this all on yourself. i wasn’t always fair towards you either,’ yoongi wants to protest but jimin stops him. ‘seriously, i mean it. and i’m sorry too. let’s not repeat the same mistakes again, okay?
‘yeah,’ yoongi smiles.
‘friends?’ jimin asks, extending his hand.
‘friends,’ yoongi accepts, chuckling.
jimin shoots him a mischievous smirk
‘now, i have some peach soju lying around, it would be a shame to put it to waste, huh?’
‘jiminie, you know how much i hate being wasteful.’
‘i really do, hyung.’
~ ~
yoongi doesn’t try looking for taehyung.
not because moving on easily is his forte, or that he never cared enough in the first place. it’s just that yoongi wants to keep the comforting prospect of having an option. if he doesn’t look for taehyung, he can still convince himself he is still out there, existing in the peripheries of yoongi’s life. yoongi secretly dreads the idea of chasing after someone only to never see them again. it’s the most heartbreaking thought.
after a while though, yoongi is beginning to realize that just like with the black hole he can’t escape it forever. the need for closure is tugging at his heartstrings, making him yearn and ponder despite all these attempts at repressing his feelings.
it’s growing inside of his chest like an expanding to the point it’s unbearable to ignore.
and so one day yoongi comes back to the place he’s been avoiding so far, the pansy purple daze bar.
taehyung is not inside.
aside from that, nothing has changed about the place, not even the bartender. she doesn’t recognize yoongi, but he doesn’t mind.
he decides to stay inside, even if for a while. he orders coffee and sits at the corner booth, his heart far from shattering but close to cracking a little. he leaves the place alone, comes back there the next day too. the pattern repeats, he visits the place at different times of the day. taehyung is never there. and it’s fine until it isn’t, until it pushes yoongi to give in and admit he’s been waiting, possibly for nothing.
at last he does the only thing that’s left, the last straw that will give him pain but closure as well. he comes up to the bartender, asks her hesitantly.
‘has… kim taehyung been here recently?’
she eyes him with a strange look on her face. probably doesn’t know who the hell taehyung is and why is yoongi even bothering her with his nonsense.
‘he hasn’t,’ she speaks up all of a sudden and if yoongi felt especially sentimental he would say there is sympathy hiding in her voice.
even so. yoongi keeps coming back. he can’t remember how many days it’s been. something around twenty. twenty one, maybe.
yoongi is sitting in his booth, occupied with what’s happening on the screen of his phone that he becomes aware of the surrounding. only when a sound of something knocks lightly against the table, yoongi jumps and looks up. there is a man sitting in front of him, dressed in a hawaiian shirt and loose linen pants.
‘hi,’ he says. ‘i’m kim taehyung.’