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Debbie’s keys jangle as she tosses them on the kitchen table. She sets her handbag down and continues walking to the blonde lounging across the couch.
Lou is flicking through a motorcycle magazine, she stops when Debbie leans down to meet her lips for a kiss.
“Tea?” Debbie asks.
“Please” Lou replies, watching Debbie turn back to the kitchen and flick the kettle on.
“Good day?” Lou enquires, sliding the magazine onto the coffee table and turning to her side, propping her elbow on the arm of the lounge to support her head, watching Debbie rifle through her handbag.
“Hmm not bad, finally settled on the Centurion account.”
Debbie Ocean has a day job. She’s been a consultant at a security firm for the last nine months. It’s not something she ever saw herself doing. But needs must, and Lou had threatened divorce if she didn’t stop driving herself, and everyone else, mad with boredom.
There’d been an intervention. All seven of her fellow Heist runners had banded together and created her a set of qualifications and references that enabled her to apply for a top end security company in the city. It wasn't terribly challenging, but that allowed her the free time to focus on other plans. Debbie had wisely decided not to hurtle into her next big job. It took her almost six years to plan the Met Heist, why rush into the next?
Patience was a virtue she had done well to learn.
Debbie has almost emptied the entire contents of her large leather handbag to find the packet of Tim-Tams she went hunting for on her lunch hour. The kettle boils and she sets about making tea for the two of them.
“Good day baking?” She asks over her shoulder, leaving the teabags to steep.
“Our little Alien isn’t having a bar of it today, trying to claw its way out already.” Lou states, looking down and resting a palm over the small, gentle curve of her abdomen.
“We are not calling it Alien.” Debbie deadpans.
She turns from her task and drops her hands to lean back against the bench, giving Lou a disapproving glare.
“We are. I’m doing the hard work, I get to name it.” Lou replies petulantly, crossing her arms and turning her head away with a huff.
Debbie’s stomach swoops and her heart clenches with adoration at the sight of her wife’s rather juvenile display.
She lets out an exaggerated sigh to keep up the game, tucks the packet of biscuits under her arm and lifts both mugs to move over to the couch.
When Lou recognises the packaging she sits up quickly and makes grabby hands towards Debbie, who chuckles and sets the mugs down.
Holding the packet just out of Lou’s reach, Debbie teases.
“How much do you love me?”
“More than my bike” Lou answers immediately, her eyes trained on the chocolate prize Debbie is waving around.
“Oof, would you drop me that quickly for a cookie too?”
“Not cookies Deb, biscuits. There’s a distinct difference.”
Debbie rolls her eyes at their age-old argument and moves to sit on the couch.
Lou is sitting up with her legs across the cushions. Debbie taps her shin and she draws them up so Debbie can sit, only to stretch them out and rest her thighs on her lap once she's settled. Now that Debbie is close enough, Lou makes to grab the packet properly.
“Nuh uh. I want a thank you kiss, I had to stalk three international food stores for these.”
Lou cups Debbie’s jaw with one hand, leans in and kisses her soundly on the mouth.
“You are.’’ “The love.” “Of my life.’’ Lou gushes between kisses, slyly reaching past Debbie for the biscuits.
Just as her hand is about to close in on its prize, Lou gasps suddenly and sits upright. She looks down at her abdomen and runs her hand over it.
‘‘Whats wrong?’’ The joking has stopped, Debbie’s voice full of concern.
“Apparently I was squashing Alien. It’s an all-out riot happening in here’’ Lou replies, taking Debbie’s free hand and drawing her shirt up to place it over the bump.
Debbie’s eyebrows shoot up at the rapid and very intense wiggling their child is demonstrating. Feeling the baby move is new. Lou’s been aware of it for a while, but it’s only in the last week that Debbie has been able to experience it too.
“It’s so…’’ Debbie trails off.
“Weird?’’ Lou interjects.
Debbie nods minutely as she focuses back on their tap-dancing offspring.
“See. Alien.’’ Lou remarks with a satisfied smirk, only to frown and sigh when the internal summersaulting picks up even further.
“Jeez, alright, Alien it is then.’’
~~~
Debbie can feel Lou’s eyes on her as she walks into the bedroom. Lou isn’t aware that her feline gaze borders on predatory. Anyone else would be rather intimidated, but Debbie revels in being the prey hunted by this particular wildcat.
Lou is sitting up in bed, wearing her favourite oversized button up shirt. The sleeves are rolled up to her elbows and only the last few buttons are holding it closed, it’s already fallen off one shoulder. The light blue of the worn shirt matches her eyes perfectly, enhancing her salacious stare.
Taking Danny’s watch off her wrist, Debbie notices that it’s 11pm, and puts the timepiece down on the dresser.
“Thought you’d be dead to the world by now…’’ Debbie says without looking at Lou, walking over to the wardrobe to find some pyjamas, stripping down to her underwear as she goes.
Lou is the night owl of the two of them, figures with owning a nightclub for so many years, but the baby makes her tired. She naps frequently now, and Debbie often has to rouse her from the couch or reading chair, or any remotely horizontal surface really, to drag her to bed.
Deciding on a ratty old band t-shirt of Lou’s, she unclasps her bra and tosses it aside whist pulling it over her head.
“You riled up Alien. There’ll be no sleep for a while.’’ Lou purrs the last sentence, putting her phone on the bedside table and licking her lips when Debbie turns to her.
They’re twenty eight weeks in. The morning sickness and bizarre cravings have subsided and Lou is sporting a rather adorable bump. Now big enough for Lou to have to start really adjusting the way she moves, Debbie loves watching her run a hand over her belly to remind herself it’s there.
Debbie has watched her wife in complete awe over the last seven months. She’s taken everything in her stride, like a duck to water. Debbie is entirely convinced she would have been a complete nightmare if it had been her. The nausea, the cravings, the hormones and chronic tiredness would have driven them both mad.
The most Lou has really struggled with is a few teary episodes after watching too many wildlife documentaries.
“The cheetah needs to eat too Baby’’ Debbie murmurs into blonde hair as Lou sniffles quietly into her shoulder.
‘‘You’re saying it’s entirely my fault our child is currently so restless?’’ Debbie quips as she ties her hair into a loose bun.
“Yes.’’ Lou growls, ogling Debbie shamelessly.
“Uh huh. Well perhaps if I stayed in the spare room tonight, we might all get some decent rest?’’ Debbie suggests innocently and slowly makes for the door.
Lou is surprisingly agile for a woman two thirds through a pregnancy, it’s not long before she’s off the bed and stalking towards Debbie.
“Deborah.’’ She warns, catching the brunette by the elbow and pulling her towards her.
“Not a good idea then?’’ Debbie laughs as Lou tugs the collar of her shirt aside and places tiny kisses from her shoulder, up her neck and over her cheek to Debbie’s mouth.
She returns the kiss, leaning into Lou and humming a pleased sound. Her hands run over Lou’s back, thumbs brushing the curve of her breasts as they traverse her ribcage and eventually come to rest on Lou’s bump.
It’s only when their lungs are pleading for oxygen that Lou breaks the kiss, pushing Debbie to sit down on the edge of the bed and stepping between her legs.
She leans down to kiss her again hungrily. It’s a demanding kiss. Lou holds Debbie’s jaw in her hand and pushes her tongue into her mouth, kissing and sucking and exploring with abandon.
Debbie knows this kind of kiss, knows Lou is in a possessive mood and surrenders to it immediately. When they part for air again, Lou’s pupils are blown wide and her breaths are short and shallow.
“Mine’’ she breathes, and Debbie gives her a knowing smile.
This is definitely her favourite stage of Lou’s pregnancy, the insatiable libido.
These last few weeks it had hit a new level. A level neither woman was aware existed. The slightest touch or faintest suggestion sent Lou into an absolute frenzy. More than once Debbie had woken to a nose nuzzling up under her ear and her randy wife humping her thigh.
Tonight’s trigger had been a ruggedly handsome Frenchman who approached Debbie at the bar whilst she was waiting for a drink. Lou had just ducked to the bathroom again, and returned to see Debbie politely turning him down. Purposely flashing her wedding ring whilst holding her glass in her left hand. He’d been a gentleman and taken the hint, wishing Debbie a pleasant evening and moving on.
Lou had almost mounted her right there on the bar.
“Louise Miller, will you please keep your hands to yourself’’ she’d huffed during the cab ride home, batting away the ring-laden hand that was edging its way up her skirt.
Lou kneels on the floor between Debbie's parted thighs. She slides her hands up and around to grab Debbie’s ass, tugging her forward to the very edge.
“Need you here now. Alien makes it hard to lie down’’ Lou says.
“I wish you’d give up on the Alien thing’’ Debbie sighs, scooting forward.
“Do you want me to give up on this thing Deborah? Anymore griping from you and this doesn’t have to happen at all.'’ Lou tilts her head and quirks an accusatory eyebrow at the brunette.
Debbie shakes her head vigorously at Lou and mimes zipping her lips.
“Up’’ Lou commands, her hands on Debbie’s underwear, sliding them down her legs when Debbie lifts her hips.
Lou nudges Debbie’s legs further apart and sets to work making Debbie hers.
Soon, there’s at least four red hickeys on her thighs that will definitely be deep purple by morning. Debbie can’t help bucking her hips as Lou finally dips her tongue into her, then moves up to suck on her clit, three fingers slipping in to fuck her hard and fast.
The things Lou can do with her mouth and fingers are positively sinful, and Debbie is sure to let her know it. Her orgasm is building fast. Lou may have been overtly showy with her arousal tonight, but Debbie is just as wound up.
“Oh God.” She moans loudly, feeling herself pulse once around Lou’s exquisite digits.
“Fuck, Lou.” Debbie pants, followed by a string of profanities as she finishes, her hands buried in Lou’s hair and her chest heaving.
Debbie lies spent on the bed as Lou leans up to nuzzle into the material of Debbie's shirt, deliberately catching her in a ticklish spot. Once Debbie has managed to wiggle away from her and catch her own breath, she reaches out and draws them both onto the centre of the mattress.
Lou looks at her intently as Debbie lies back and pulls Lou over her to straddle her hips.
Lou isn’t wearing anything under her shirt and Debbie’s hands skim up her thighs and around to squeeze her ass, pulling her hips down to grind over Debbie. The low growl that Lou lets out isn’t entirely voluntary.
One of the things Debbie has discovered in the last few weeks is how quickly Lou’s possessiveness transforms to neediness. Once she’s had Debbie at her mercy, she quickly switches gear and lets Debbie have her own way with her. Debbie certainly isn’t going to argue.
Debbie undoes the few buttons on Lou’s shirt, a pathetic attempt at covering up if she’s honest, and pauses to admire the stunning woman in front of her.
Lou was always etherial, her flawless alabaster skin has mesmerised Debbie from day one. But now her wife absolutely glowed. Debbie runs a hand over the curve of Lou’s abdomen, her navel hasn’t popped just yet but the skin has tightened, different from the soft roundness she had at eighteen weeks.
“Deb,’’ Lou begs, she doesn’t hide her desperation well anymore. She rocks her hips again, searching for more.
Debbie snaps out of her revery and reaches out to cup a breast in each hand. They’re bigger now, fuller and almost too sensitive. Debbie didn’t think she could be more obsessed with them. She’s made sure to learn Lou’s changing body along with her, wanting to give her everything she needs to the best of her abilities. There’d been a few surprises, but mostly everything had just become more.
Lou knows what’s coming and steadies herself with a hand on Debbie’s shoulder. Very gently, the brunette rolls her thumbs over the straining nipples and watches Lou’s reaction. She moans, and tips her head back, eyes closing and mouth falling open slightly, the hand on Debbie's shoulder closes to clutch at her shirt. Debbie continues her ministrations, adding extra pressure, searching for that breathy mewl she loves so much. She's not disappointed, her gentle squeezing and slow pinching has Lou softly gasping short shallow breaths.
Lou has risen up a little off her lap, so Debbie takes the opportunity to shuffle backwards into the pillows a bit.
Lou zones back in when the hands worshipping her disappear, she looks dazed and frowns adorably down at Debbie.
‘‘Sorry’’ Debbie whispers, then leans in to kiss Lou on her sternum.
The reason for her minor relocation becomes obvious when she licks and sucks her way over both breasts. Kissing each hyper-sensitive nipple, leaving them wet, Debbie blows cool air over them. Lou begins to pant heavily and by the third round Debbie feels Lou’s arousal drip onto her thigh. She carefully runs her fingers up the inside of her leg, Lou lets out a whimper and she trembles.
“Fuck’’ Lou breathes as Debbie’s fingers slide along her centre, down to her entrance and up to her clit. Once her thumb is coated in Lou’s wetness, Debbie begins to rub slow, hard circles around her clit, avoiding direct contact. Her mouth doesn’t let up on it’s original job, the open mouth kisses take Lou right to the edge. Lou is close, she’s strung tight like a slingshot. It only takes Debbie sliding two digits inside and stroking firmly for a minute for her to snap, clenching repeatedly around her fingers. Lou gasps out a sob and leans into Debbie, who has preemptively braced her free hand on Lou’s ribcage, helping her to ride the waves of her orgasm.
Debbie kisses Lou’s jaw and neck, guiding her to lay down on the bed and sliding her fingers out. With her eyes closed, Lou shuffles into Debbie’s chest and takes a fistful of her shirt, nuzzling under Debbie’s chin and tangling their legs together as best they can with Alien between them.
Once Debbie has finished licking her fingers clean, she lays her arm over Lou’s side and kisses the top of her head.
“Love you Baby.’’ She says softly into her hair.
“Hmm, love you too.’’ Lou hums slowly against her chest.
They lay still for a while, Debbie’s hand runs lazily up and down Lou’s spine. Then Lou shifts randomly, jerking her head and almost clocking Debbie in the jaw.
“Watch it Miller’’ Debbie warns, assuming Lou had drifted off to sleep and jolted awake again.
Lou looks up at her with narrowed eyes, leaning back a little to take her hand and place it over the lower-left side of her bump.
There’s a hard lump pushing against Debbie’s palm. It’s not until it stops straining against Lou’s belly and retracts that Debbie fully comprehends she was just the closest she’s ever been to holding her child’s foot. She lifts her hand and makes eye contact with Lou, wonder in her eyes.
“Just wait’’ Lou says, looking down again and pressing Debbie’s hand back to its original spot.
Lou lets out an uncomfortable sigh and Debbie is dumbstruck as she watches their baby roll over, sees Lou’s abdomen literally roll like a wave, and then a larger smooth lump is right where her hand waits. She strokes a thumb over the baby’s head and shuffles down the bed until her face is level with Lou’s bump.
“Hey you, give your Mom a break, she’s had a big night.’’
Winking up at Lou, Debbie presses her lips to the spot where her hand was and grins when it moves again under her lips.
“Stop talking, you’re making it worse.’’ Lou whines and arches her back, closing her eyes with a grimace on her face.
“Alright Little Alien, Mom says I’m teasing, I’d better go. Night night.’’
~~~
“I want one’’ she whispers so only Debbie will hear.
Debbie’s head snaps up, a look of disbelief on her face as she meets her wife’s gaze. Lou gives her a slightly sheepish smile, her eyes flick down to the sleeping baby in her arms, then up again to silently confirm Debbie heard her correctly.
A loud laugh from a nearby birthday guest catches Lou’s attention for half a second, but she’s quick to return to Debbie’s sharp eyes.
“Seriously?’’ Debbie can’t conceal her incredulous tone, but manages to keep her voice low.
“Yeah, I reckon we’d be really good at it Debs.’’ Lou says casually. As if she were referring to assembling an IKEA chair.
Debbie is actually mostly thrown by the fact that she isn’t completely freaked out by the idea. She looks Lou over and considers the situation she’s being presented with.
Lou is lounging like she always does, sharp elbows and bent knees, wearing a purple velvet suit that complements her bleach blonde hair perfectly. She’s holding Tammy’s third, four week old Sebastian, in the crook of one elbow and carefully running her fingers over the fine down hair on his head. It looks like the most natural thing in the world for Lou, like second nature.
The baby snuffles and raises a tiny fist to rub his nose. When he’s finished he instinctually closes his hand around Lou’s pinky and holds tight. Lou looks up at Debbie and quirks her eyebrows, daring her to not find the situation absolutely adorable.
“Stop playing it up Miller, I already see your point.’’ Debbie admonishes with a tilt of her head and roll of her eyes.
She has to look away to find something to distract her from the gooey warm feeling spreading inside her chest. She necks the remaining champagne from her glass and ignores the snort of laughter from Lou.
“Bit ruffled are we Ocean?’’
Debbie gives her a haughty side-glance and stands to refill her drink.
~~~
Adelaide Ocean Miller arrives four days late.
If Debbie was feeling impatient over their daughter’s tardiness, it was safe to say Lou was undoubtedly over it. She’d huffed her way around the loft, softly grumbling at their stubbornly ensconced child until Debbie had cornered her in the shower and successfully implemented suggestion number two on the ‘What To Expect’ list to induce labour.
Lou is a champion. It’s a long but smooth labour, and Lou being Lou, gets through it with gritted teeth and just a few deep breaths.
Debbie is beside herself. She keeps it mostly under wraps, but Lou can see the inner meltdown, taking time between early contractions to remind Debbie to breathe as well.
Ten fingers, ten toes and a cute button nose is swaddled tightly and passed over to her new mothers. Debbie cries ugly tears and kisses an exhausted Lou, who huffs a laugh at the nervous way Debbie holds their daughter.
“You won’t break her Deb, she’s just been through a lot more than you squeezing her too tight.’’
Auntie Xan sends her love and the best cafeteria food the hospital has to offer. She’s into the eighth hour of a trauma surgery two floors below, but frequently sends a frazzled intern in for updates.
The littlest lady is passed around from aunt to aunt, each more impatient than the next to coo and cuddle their newest niece. All except Constance, who has lost all faith in her sticky fingers and is terrified she’ll drop the most precious thing she’s ever seen.
“Fuck the Toussaint, she’s perfect. I ain’t gonna be the one responsible for her first dent.’’ She mutters over Nine’s shoulder, looking down at Addie’s tiny form.
They’re all smitten. There’s tears from Rose and Amita, and sound parenting advice from Tammy and Nine, who apparently practically raised her little sister.
Daphne tries to maintain a cool aloofness, but fails miserably when it’s her turn to cuddle and Addie wakes, opening her eyes to reveal ice blue irises just like Lou’s.
~~~
Xan finally swans into the darkened hospital room past midnight, hair in a loose bun and sporting borrowed blue surgical scrubs, at least three sizes too big.
Debbie has fallen asleep in the recliner chair under the window, but nocturnal Lou is cradling her daughter in her lap and watching her silently.
Xan is running on empty, at the end of what turned into an eighteen hour shift. She whispers her apologies for missing her niece’s grand entrance whilst tying a blue “It’s A Boy!” helium balloon to the railing of the hospital bed. A hastily scrawled ‘Not’ is wedged between the ‘It’s’ and ‘A’ in black sharpie.
“Only thing they had left in the gift shop.” She says with a wink.
“You look like shit.” Lou states with a tired grin.
“Could say the same about you.” She retorts, swinging her long legs up onto the hospital bed and crossing them, leaning back against the footboard to mirror Lou.
The sisters share a silent moment. Both wondering how they managed to get this far, bring another generation into the world, and live to tell the tale.
Addie begins to fuss and it snaps them back to reality. Xan holds her hands out for the wiggling bundle.
“Thank god, I’m dying for a pee.” Lou hands her daughter over readily.
Lou gingerly shuffles off the bed and sighs heavily as she makes for the bathroom.
“Undercarriage a bit tender hey?”
“Fuck off smart-arse.”
The door closes and Xan looks down to address her niece.
“Welcome to the world Darling Girl.” She murmurs and catches the little fist that’s waving around.
Addie instantly settles at the contact, blinking up at her aunt when Xan leans in to kiss her forehead.
Sliding off the baby’s tiny hospital-issued beanie, she sees the shock of dark hair sticking up in all directions and grins.
“Well would you look at that? Your aunt did pick up a thing or two in those genetics lectures.”
Debbie and Lou had spoken to Xan first about their desire for a child. Xan had taken it upon herself to trawl through the thousands of donors and find one most likely to get them Debbie’s chocolate tresses but carry Lou’s recessive blue eyes. Not an easy task. It hadn’t mattered to any of them really, but they tried for Addie’s sake.
Xan could hear Lou puttering around in the next room, the faucet running. She quickly tucked Addie into the crook of one arm and rose nimbly off the bed to rummage through the small fridge in the corner.
Pulling an ice-pack from the freezer, she wraps it in a hand towel and tosses it onto the bed.
Lou emerges just as Debbie stirs. Xan sets Addie down in the hospital bassinet and decides to take her leave.
“You should ice your pink bits Sis.”
“Such concern Xanthe, I’m flattered." Lou deadpans.
“You two are ridiculous.” Debbie shakes her head and yawns as the younger Australian cackles down the ward.
~~~
They say it takes a village. And what a village they had.
Constance and Nine help Theo manage the club, the three of them as thick as thieves. Tammy drops in with hand-me-downs and helpful advice once a week, and honestly Lou couldn’t be more grateful for the cabbage leaf life-hack. Daphne and Rose are in London, but the time difference allows them to Skype during the 2am feeds. Daphne’s latest period piece had enlightened her to the numerous Princess Adelaides throughout history and there was no shortage of ridiculously opulent clothes, toys and accessories. Amita can’t do much more than cry and make tea, her clucky-ness often getting the better of her.
The day after Addie arrives, Xan moves a bunch of stuff into the loft. It’s closer to the hospital than her apartment, and working nights means she’s hardly there or awake long enough to encroach on the Newborn Bubble. Taking the morning watch, Xan would come home from the hospital and whisk Addie away for an hour or so, allowing Lou and Debbie time to get something done. Like sleep in, finish breakfast or shower quickly before the next feed was due.
Then at about 10am, Xan crashes harder than Addie in a milk-coma. Leaving her niece with her mothers, Xan showers and shuffles off to bed. The noise cancelling earmuffs and satin eye mask embroidered with ‘Fuck Off’ allows her to sleep like the dead for eight hours regardless of visitors or Addie’s random attempts to break the sound barrier.
Overall, Adelaide is a rather chilled out little lady. She allows her mothers a few unbroken hours of sleep most nights, only hollering for food and nappy changes. She craves physical contact and the sound of female voices. Her mothers and aunt in particular. She sleeps better listening to Debbie’s soothing American accent, and watches Lou and Xan in utter fascination when they speak to her in their lazy Australian drawl.
Much to her own surprise, Debbie is a natural. The first few weeks were intense and exhausting. But she found Addie’s rhythm and they quickly developed a routine. She was the Sleep and Snuggle Queen. Murmuring tales of infamous con artists, her uncles Danny and Rusty in particular, whilst gently bouncing her until her daughter slips off to sleep. Addie often spends hours just lying on Debbie’s chest, tucked under her chin and listening to her read The Brothers Grimm aloud. In High German of course.
Xan quickly establishes herself as the Fun Aunt. Silly faces and ridiculous sounds become the new normal, anything for a gummy smile or a happy gurgle.
One morning Debbie finds Addie resting in a fresh pile of laundry whilst Xan folds scrubs and tiny onesies.
“You would not believe the rectal foreign body I had to cut out of this guy last night Adelaide. Un-be-leivable! So this guy was getting busy with his mistress right? And they’re doing some freaky shit with a jar of peanut butter. Smooth, not crunchy. Who even buys smooth peanut butter?! It says a lot about this bloke already...”
“Promise me you’ll stop regaling highly inappropriate stories to my daughter when she’s old enough to start comprehending words?” Debbie says as she exits the bathroom, hair in a towel turban.
“We’ve got about eight months until it’s a problem Debs. Unless she’s a genius like her Aunt, in which case we’re stuffed.” Xan replies, moonwalking the tiny purple socks on her fingers across the rim of the washing basket.
Lou is the Milk-Bar, for obvious reasons, and Zen Guru. Addie breastfeeds almost exclusively for the first eight weeks, so Lou exists on naps. Debbie has always loved her shaggy hair, but finds it adorable now she has almost permanent bed-head. Debbie would run her fingers through the blonde locks, brushing her bangs out of her eyes and kiss her awake when their offspring was grizzling for food.
On the rare occasion of a total meltdown, Lou was best suited to settling the squalling infant. Something about her super cool demeanour rubs off and the little one would calm until she was only wet eyelashes and the occasional hiccup.
“There we are my emotional little storm cloud. What could be so bad that we need all this fuss? I can only imagine what we’re going to be dealing with when puberty hits.” Lou whispers to two ice-blue orbs that mirror her own. Her pinky finger makes a perfect pacifier and a strong little hand grasps her thumb.
~~~
Most afternoons Debbie wraps Addie in a sling whilst Lou is napping so she can get some work done. Debbie had managed to wrangle herself twelve months maternity leave, with the understanding she’d consult from home two afternoons a week.
Lou finds her girls in the study. And by the sound of Debbie’s voice, Addie is awake.
“Then we just email the whole thing to that dolt in accounts, and we’re done for the day.”
Lou leans against the doorframe, Debbie’s back to her at the desk tapping away on her laptop, and listens to her wife narrating her actions.
“We’d better go find your Mama after this, you’ll be hungry soon enough my little Milk Monster.”
Waiting for Debbie to turn and notice her, Lou enters the room and moves towards them. She catches Debbie’s eye as she rises from the chair. Moving in close to meet Debbie’s lips, Lou gently runs a hand down Addie’s sling-clad form.
“All I’m good for huh?” Lou asks with narrowed eyes and a tired smile.
“According to your daughter, yes.” Debbie replies, looking down at the wiggling bundle wrapped against her chest. Addie has recognised Lou’s voice and begins to fuss.
“Alright you, let’s get you fed while your Mum puts the kettle on.”
Lou tugs the knot of the sling loose and Debbie hands the hungry infant over. Both women leave the office and head to the kitchen, Lou stopping to settle on the couch.
It only takes her a matter of moments to ready themselves to feed, but Addie is making her believed state of near-starvation known to all. Grumbling and smacking her lips whilst clenching and waving her little fists.
“You’d think she’d never been fed.” Lou states with a slightly exasperated tone.
Addie grunts softly as she latches on, tiny hands splaying on Lou’s breast.
“I have absolutely no idea where she gets her hangry attitude from Babe.” Debbie’s voice dripping with sarcasm as she rummages through the tea cupboard.
Lou just rolls her eyes and tilts her head back to rest on the top of the couch.
Debbie sets two mugs of tea on the coffee table in front of them. Too hot to drink just yet, she’ll pass Lou her’s in a minute.
She tucks a knee under herself as she sits down, giving her the height and angle to kiss the column of Lou’s neck languidly. She sees Lou’s eyes flutter closed and she decides to settle in and leave a mark. Gently taking her wife’s sharp jaw in her hand, she tilts her head slightly away, making her jugular more prominent. Debbie hears the small sigh slip from Lou’s lips and she smiles against the wet skin she’s been nibbling.
“I think you’re good for lots of things, Mrs Miller.” Debbie praises, her voice an octave lower.
Lou chuckles and raises her head to meet Debbie’s eyes. They’re close enough to share a sweet kiss before Addie distracts them both with a gleeful kick of her legs.
“Thats our girl.” Lou mutters softy.
Running her fingers over the crown of Addie’s head, Debbie watches her snuffle away greedily.
“You did good Baby.” She says quietly to Lou.
“Ta Love. Couldn’t do it without you though.” Lou replies.
~~~
Finally. Lou thinks, eyes flicking to the heavens in thanks as she silently manoeuvres through the doorjamb to keep the hall light out of the nursery. She swings the door and catches it before it closes, leaving it ajar. Chocking it open with one of Debbie’s slippers so it doesn’t slam in the breeze again and wake their slumbering progeny, she quietly pads down the hall.
Lou isn’t surprised to find Debbie in bed reading another parenting book. Ever since Lou had introduced her to the idea of a baby, Debbie had channelled all her focus toward researching parenthood. Lou just figured they’d wing it. It’s what she’d done with Xan. She hadn’t fucked her up too badly.
Their polar opposite approaches had collided this morning.
“ Jesus Debbie, just lighten up a bit would you?”
“ Lighten up?! For fuck’s sake Lou! This is important!”
“She’s five weeks old! We have time to sort it out! I promise you the only trauma that’s being experienced right now is my own from all this bloody sleep deprivation!”
It’d been brewing for weeks. Both of them too tired or run off their feet to calmly confront and rationally discuss the other’s concerns.
Truthfully, it wasn’t about their parenting styles at all. They knew each other well enough to want to raise a child together.
Debbie was always going to be the focused, carefully planned and well executed parent. Never skimping on family bonding moments or important life lessons. There will be Australian and American Mother’s Day snuggles in bed, and a carefully edited Nobel Prize acceptance speech.
Adelaide will have a solid foundation and enough routine from which she can grow and experiment. Debbie will be there to help her rule the world, if that’s what Addie wants.
Lou will parent on the fly. Fostering any and all interests from skateboarding to needlepoint. There’ll be Mohawks before twelve months and nose rings at thirteen. First joints will be shared in the cab of the old Ford before one of Debbie’s Sunday Night Family Dinners, munchies satisfied and giggles aplenty.
Addie will be loved. In so many ways. They both know that. One will love in ways the other cannot.
Today had been about insecurities. Debbie had broken first. Tears welling as she whispered her self-doubts. The distance she felt between her and Lou. Her worry about the fragile bond she’s formed with Addie, could it crumble at any moment? Lou had followed shortly after, weeping silently and reaching for Debbie. She mumbled her own fears into Debbie’s hair as they held each other. She missed Debbie even when they were in the same room. Would they ever find their rhythm again? Would she ever regain a modicum of control over her own body?
Debbie is sat upright against the headboard, a pillow supporting her lower back, hair in a messy bun and Lou’s reading glasses perched on the end of her nose.
There’s a stilted tension that blankets the room when she enters.
“One day we won’t be able to get her out of bed. Fifteen won’t be too far off if time flies as quickly as it has been.” Lou says conversationally as she slips under the duvet.
Debbie places her bookmark and closes the book, leaving it in her lap to focus on Lou.
“And in fifteen years I’ll remind you of this conversation and see how you react.”
They share a small smile. Lou reaches to fiddle with Debbie’s wedding set. It’s enough to break the tension and they feel each other relax.
It’s a pivotal moment when Lou looks down at the book. Things will go one of two ways from here.
“This one’s a good one.” Debbie mentions quietly.
“Yeah?” Lou tries to keep the tired strain out of her voice.
“Yeah. It’s actually mostly focused on the mother. You know, postpartum. What to expect hormonally and emotionally. Explains what can happen physically and stuff.” Debbie says slowly, gauging Lou’s interest level.
Debbie’s eyes flick over to her, giving her a bashful smile and blinking back to the book. Lou can’t help rolling her eyes and leans in to kiss her on the cheek.
“Go on then, tell me about the miracle of childbirth.”
Debbie proceeds to inform her of the monumental changes her body has gone through. She nods along at the hormonal adjustments, scowls when the physical alterations ring true and sighs when Debbie mentions she’s through the worst of it now.
“I’m exhausted just reading about it. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you.”
“Worth it though, to have her.” Lou smiles and glances to the baby monitor on Debbie’s bedside table.
Debbie follows her line of sight, sliding the book to rest alongside the monitor.
“C’mere” Lou lifts her arm and wraps it around Debbie’s shoulders, tugging her close. She kisses her head and hums when she feels Debbie’s arm slip around her middle to squeeze gently.
They hold each other comfortably for a while. Debbie thinks maybe Lou has drifted off when she feels the chest beneath her ear slow to deep even breaths.
“What’s your book say about sex?”
Debbie lifts her head to look Lou dead in the eye, genuine surprise on her face.
“What? As if you haven’t looked it up?” Lou cocks her head and quirks an eyebrow.
Debbie feels her cheeks go pink.
“Um, well. Most of them say whenever you feel ready, just take it slow. But physically they recommend we wait until after six weeks…”
“We? Debbie please tell me you’re not waiting for me? At least one of us should be having some fun.” Lou’s eyes widen at the implication.
“I feel weird about it. You doing all this work, healing and feeding, and I’m just here changing a few nappies and getting myself off in the shower?”
“You know you’re doing much more than just changing nappies Deborah Anne Ocean. And yes, you should be getting off in the shower. In fact you should be coming twice as often to make up for me not coming at all!”
Lou has sat up away from the headboard and clenched her hands, clearly bothered by the mutual celibacy. Debbie chuckles at her exasperation and runs her finger up the soft skin of her inner arm. Lou turns to her quickly and kisses her hard and fast. Her hand cupping Debbie’s jaw. She moans when Debbie whimpers and opens her mouth for her to deepen the kiss. Debbie’s own hand has disappeared into her hair and tugs her closer, as if Lou had any intention of moving away. Their lips stop only to gasp for air, breathing into each other and bumping noses until enough oxygen is exchanged for another heated kiss.
It’s glorious. Kissing Debbie properly for the first time in weeks feels wonderful. She squeezes her eyes hard when she feels tears forming, kissing Debbie harder. She rests her free hand on Debbie’s ribs and rubs her thumb under her breast. She feels the tendrils of their fragmented connection begin to weave together, Debbie & Lou once again.
Lou stops suddenly when she sees Debbie’s other hand from the corner of her eye.
Its hovering mid-air. Like she doesn’t know where to put it.
“Debs? You ok?”
Debbie is breathing hard. The hand in Lou’s hair slips away, to gather with its twin in front of Debbie’s chest.
“Are you sure Baby? You’re not just doing this for me?”
Lou pauses to collect herself.
“Well. I want to feel you. Make you feel good. Want to see you come undone for me.”
“But?”
“Im not ready. Not yet. I want to because I miss us, but I think I need some more time before…”
“Yeah okay. Just me tonight.” Debbie nods a little and smiles, looking at Lou through her lashes, her hands relaxing and fingers flexing slightly towards Lou.
“The boobs are off limits Deborah. I don’t care how big they are, they’re sore and not for you right now.” Lou states with only a hint of humour in her tone.
“I know.” Debbie whines like a scolded child.
“Yours however…”
~~~
It was a somewhat dismal start to the day. Lou had been uncomfortable and rather crabby. Debbie cheerfully read her a ‘helpful’ list of ideas to encourage their little one along. Lou wasn’t in the mood for ‘helpful’. She was done. Forty weeks and four days done. The ensuing bickering had ended with them snapping at one another and sulking in opposite ends of the loft.
Lou had been in the reading-nook armchair for the remainder of the morning.
Debbie suspected she was stuck.
She’d cottoned on when Lou had very uncharacteristically turned down a cup of tea. Louise Catherine Miller had never in her life rejected an offer of tea. Debbie knew it wasn’t to spite her after their morning spat.
She must already need to pee, but can’t get out of the sunken armchair.
“Here.” Debbie held out her hand, a peace offering.
Lou didn’t make eye contact as she accepted Debbie’s help. But did pull her in for a sideways hug and a sheepish kiss on the cheek once they were both standing.
“Go have a hot shower Baby. We need you relaxed for whenever Alien decides to finally grace us with their presence.” Debbie said quietly against Lou’s temple, returning her kiss.
Debbie decided not to mention the list again. But resolved to put suggestion number two into action regardless. She figured either way it would help both of them relax and reconnect before they became a family of three.
It worked.
~~~
As the eight week mark passes and Addie takes to formula and a bottle with little trouble, Lou finally starts to feel more human and less dairy cow.
She loves the incredible bond she’s formed by feeding, there’s no doubt in her mind it was the best decision for her and Addie to begin with. But being able to share the feeding with Debbie allows that bond to extend to include the three of them, and it feels so much more complete.
It doesn’t take long for Debbie to pick up the different ways of holding their daughter whilst she feeds, and the new routine of sterilising bottles and measuring out formula for the day slips in easily. Addie also catches up quickly and is soon lip-smacking at both of them as potential food-givers. Debbie’s eyes are glassy the first time a hungry cry is directed at her.
Lou has the harder time weaning and drying-up. She’s painful and irritable, not to mention emotional. She had managed to keep it together quite well up to this point. Even in her first weeks postpartum, there’d been a few shaky moments when her body hurt and tidal waves of hormones raged through her. But she’d always been able to reach for Debbie and reason with herself.
Debbie is patient with her, just as she has been since the day Addie arrived. Plying Lou with cold compresses and anti-inflammatories, sneaking kisses when she’s least expecting it and always, always, reminding Lou how much she’s loved.
~~~
A mournful wail breaks through the fourth wall of her dream. It’s out of place for the poker game she’s playing with the Rastafarian tiger and turquoise octopus she swears is cheating. She’s just about to confront the eight-limbed mollusc with the fake moustache when the noise sounds again.
A warm foot presses into her thigh, nudging her.
“Your daughter is calling you.” The voice is muffled, obscured by a pillow.
“Mmmh? My daughter? Who’s idea was it to have her?” She mumbles her reply sleepily.
“That card won’t work forever Ocean. It’s your turn.”
Debbie inhales deeply and stretches. The wails are consistent but spaced quite a few seconds apart. Hungry and lonely is Debbie’s well-practiced guess.
She sits up and blinks blearily at the clock. Addie’s made it five hours and fifty two minutes. Not a bad effort for their ten week old. It’s becoming a pattern Debbie notes, perhaps they’ll break the six hour mark by the end of the month.
“Hey” Lou says softly, lifting Debbie’s hand to press a kiss to her palm.
“Don’t take too long, I might miss you too much.” Lou’s voice is gravelly with sleep and deeper than before. She quirks her eyebrow just a fraction and smirks.
Debbie nods quickly and scrambles out of bed, leg tangling in the sheet and she almost lands on her face.
“Don’t start without me!”
Throwing her silk kimono across her shoulders she heads out the door, ignoring Lou’s wicked chuckle.
***
Fifteen minutes later Debbie is sitting crosslegged on the couch feeding Addie. She was right. Addie had woken up and decided she wanted breakfast and some company.
She’s distracted after the initial few mouthfuls of formula and keeps kicking her legs and waving her arms, dropping the rubber nipple as she cranes her head around to gurgle and look at everything but the bottle.
“You know don’t you? You little toad.” Debbie accuses her daughter, furrowing her brow and sighing.
“I haven’t given your mother an orgasm since before you came into existence Adelaide. Im finally getting the chance and you just don’t give a damn do you?”
There’s been a few nap-time fondles and early morning groping sessions in the last two weeks. But either Lou was crabby and sore from weaning, or they’d be cut short by their daughter’s expert timing. Then there was the unfortunate incident with an exhausted zombie-like Xan wandering into the kitchen one afternoon whilst Lou had her hand down Debbie’s pants.
Addie gurgles a smile and Debbie sighs again. This time it’s an exasperated sigh of love and adoration. She fights the strong urge to squeeze the little human and settles on lifting her up to kiss each of her dimpled cheeks loudly.
The look of pure glee on her daughter’s face helps to quell the smouldering desire in her belly, momentarily at least.
Abandoning the bottle on the coffee table, Debbie stands and swings Addie onto her hip, cradling her head, and wanders over to the wall of Polaroid photos.
She’s just telling Addie about the time she and Lou had a pair of dentures hurled at them during a bingo match when Xan enters the loft.
“Mornin’! I’ve had a hell of a shift. How are we today?” Xan asks as he she drops her bag by the poker table and swaggers over to them.
“Busy as a bee. Too busy to finish breakfast even.”
“Really!? You sure she’s a Miller? I’d do some pretty shady things for a cooked breakfast right now.”
Xan reaches for her niece and Debbie relinquishes her readily. The little girl makes a shrill noise and blows a raspberry at her aunt.
“I think that’s a great idea.” Debbie states, a little too forcefully.
“What? Shrieking like your ten week old daughter?”
“Going out for breakfast.”
“I didn’t say we were going out.”
“Well you should.” She quips quickly.
Xanthe Rose Miller is anything but a fool. She cottons on and chuckles as her face settles into a salacious smirk.
“Oh realllllly?” Xan’s accent rolls the R and she draws out the end of the word to tease.
Debbie doesn’t care right now. She’s too wound up to feel even remotely self-conscious.
“Yes. I’ll pack you a bag. You can take the rest of the bottle to finish too.”
A laugh almost as wicked as Lou’s sounds from behind her as she strides across the loft.
***
Lou is still in bed. Lying on her front, facing away from the bedroom door. Debbie advances quietly and sits gently on the mattress.
Something is different.
Something has changed from when she left thirty minutes ago.
It takes her a moment, her mind still in the Newborn Fog, but she figures it out.
Lou is naked.
The sheet has been purposely draped low across her ass, obscuring almost nothing. Long legs appearing below it, crossed at the ankle.
Debbie has to close her eyes for a moment and breathe. She gathers herself and refrains from launching at her wife. Instead she runs her fingers down Lou’s spine and leans over to nuzzle and nip the skin where her neck meets her shoulder.
Lou is only dozing. She moans softly when Debbie’s teeth sink in and a hand gropes her ass simultaneously. A warm tongue licks the bite mark and lips settle over that. Her hips jerk as fingers travel down to tickle the back of her thigh, the bedsheet pushed aside.
“Baby” Debbie whispers into her skin, her tone asking her to turn over.
Lou rolls onto her back, stretching her arms above her head as she moves. She hears Debbie inhale sharply and opens her eyes to watch brown ones flick down her prone form.
Her body has changed. Debbie knows that. Breastfeeding has helped to bring her figure back, but her nipples are a few shades darker and breasts a little lop-sided. There’s a new softness to her sharp angles and her linea nigra is still faintly visible. Then there’s the tiny pink stretch marks low on her belly. Slowly fading to silver, the lightening bolt reminders of her hard work are smattered between her hipbones.
She feels ridiculous as a flash of self-conscious anxiety flickers through her chest. But it’s immediately quelled when Debbie leans in to kiss her. The kiss itself says it all, but Debbie murmurs “beautiful” and “exquisite” and “mine” against her lips anyway.
Lou fists Debbie’s pyjamas, bunching the t-shirt up and tugging at the waistband of the cotton shorts. It’s Debbie’s turn to tease now.
“Eager.” She smiles, rising off the bed to slip out of her clothes.
“I’ve missed you.” Lou replies, wistful and earnest.
Joining Lou on the bed, draping her body over her, hips slot into place and thighs fit between one another. Lou’s hand comes to rest on Debbie’s lower back, fingers pressing her pelvis down.
Pausing for a moment, shallow breaths and hungry eyes linger.
“Honey?”
“Yeah Baby?”
“If you’re not inside me in the next ten seconds I’m gonna-”