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It didn’t start this way. That Ender knew.
He knew that in the beginning, when he was young, Peter did things to him out f pure hate, the pure malice that Peter always held in his heart. He hurt him and made him play the Bugger mask game with him because he honestly wanted to hurt Ender. Or at least, feel like he could.
Ender thought that this was just something he had to accept about Peter. That this was a constant in the mass of traits and quirks that made up his older brother.
He wondered if he would have been happier that way.
At least hate was something he could understand.
What he didn’t understand, was his return to earth at the age of seventeen, a “trial period” as Graff called it, sending him home to be in America, under the protection of the nation that they called his but he never felt a part of. He was to be at home with his family for a little while, just long enough to show that Locke didn’t control the IF. But they all knew it wasn’t permanent. This was just simply a way to cover the fact that they were exiling the boy to the far corners of the universe so that he could never be a threat to Earth.
It wasn’t safe in America, that was clear as day, whether they liked it or not, Locke was right, Ender could never truly stay on earth. But despite all that, the IF took its chances and let Ender get some time with his family. They let him get a hero’s welcome, let Earth rejoice that their great hero was home and use the pictures they took of him here to settle their minds that they weren’t making a pariah out of their savior.
“You can leave whenever you want, you have a time limit, but if you don’t want to be here, no one can argue your motives if it comes from your mouth” Graff told him when the car stopped in front of his house, his family was waiting outside along with the cameras.
Ender didn’t entirely understand the motives behind his words, this was his family, this was truly all he had left now. He had his parents, and he had Valentine, and he even had Peter. They were all he was ever supposed to want, they were his home.
But as he got out of the car and through the flashing of the lights, he felt his heart sink. These people were not his family. They weren’t who he left behind on the shuttle, they had aged, and they had learned, they had moved on with their lives, and they had long since filled the place where he had been. It was written all over their faces.
Except for Valentine, her arms embraced him and held him close to her and said sweet things that he wanted but didn’t know he needed. At least her love was the same. He locked eyes with Peter who wore nothing but a shadow of happiness for the cameras. He couldn’t see what lied beneath those eyes, eyes that always lied.
The family welcomed him in, mother and father coddled him and dotted over him, making up for all the lost time. They were older now, it was obvious to Ender, they were more in the care of Valentine and Peter at this point, reaching the tall things, carrying the heavy bags. It was frightening and yet thrilling to think that age meant something entirely different to them than it did him.
He was older now, no longer the child prodigy, just a genius, a war hero, a man. Or at least he liked to pretend so, it was hard to remember a time when he didn’t feel like an adult, but now at least, people believed it as well as himself.
“Oh come on, he’s not leaving tomorrow, he’s not gonna disappear if you take your eyes off him” Peter remarked, almost to Ender’s amusement as he thought a similar thing while their parents began to only leave the room one at a time.
“Lay off Peter” Valentine snapped, obviously in overprotective mode. Ender wondered if Peter had seen him smirking at his comment, the glint in his eyes proved that he did.
They ate. They talked. They unpacked. Then they talked some more.
It almost felt as though he would have nothing left to say after all their talking, but he couldn’t stop himself either. After going so long without the connection of his family, he longed to find exactly what space he fit into. He wanted to be given proof that he wasn’t just an awkward guest, but someone they loved and missed and wanted as a son back so dearly as he wanted them.
“Let’s take a walk” Peter said, just to him. They were all in the living room, chatting over a photo album that mother and father had pulled out. Ender had shrunk at the sight of it, Peter nearly groaned, Valentine couldn’t be happier.
So needless to say, the first three minutes in, Peter already had a plan for escape.
Valentine rose to go with them almost immediately,
“Oh come on sis, he’ll still be back to give you a kiss goodnight, you have to let the boys play by themselves” the mocking childishness in his voice was enough to earn a silent stare down from her, a gentle warning that if he put harm to her baby brother, she would skin him alive.
They escaped into the cooling night air, and took to one of the paths that ran behind their house into the woods.
“Geez, it’s like they never shut up” Peter sighed, stretching like he had been sitting in one place for the past two hours.
“It’s nice” was all Ender really had to say about it. He was still judging Peter, accessing him and the damage that time had brought. Peter was older now, in body and mind. He seemed much more in control, a silent composition to him that Ender found much more terrifying.
Not only that though, he had also grown physically. He was taller, lean and sharp, his wispy hair was now a more straightened out and calmed thing, hiding his true nature well. Everything about him seemed much more relaxed, more settled. It was almost enough to fool Ender.
“What have you been doing Peter?”
“Could you really be intrigued by a simple commoners life like mine when you’re off saving the world?”
“I know what I’ve been doing, I want to know what you have”
“Not too much of anything really”
“You and Valentine seem… closer”
“Not as close as you and her”
“Maybe if you were nicer to her she would like you more”
“The only kind of soft she wants is you, a sad little boy who needs fixing, little innocent Ender who gives her life purpose. Opps, guess I can’t really call you innocent though, seeing as how you’ve killed more than anyone else on the planet”
Ender didn’t respond to this. He didn’t like the sound of Peter’s voice, he passed it off as a playful jibe to hurt him and see if he’d squirm, but there was no mistaking the subtle traces of pride in his voice. Peter wanted him to turn out just like him after all.
“Didn’t mean to shut you up there kid” he laughed, a warm laugh, a practiced laugh.
Peter stopped walking on the trail, Ender stopped after a few more steps. Peter stared at him, a smile on his face, “You turned out so pretty Ender, I’m sure you had fun up in space with all the pretty girls up there”
Ender did in fact laugh at this, the thought of romance never even darted up as a back of the head kind of thought.
“I think all the pretty girls stayed down here with you, the violent one’s were all that went up” Peter’s face lit up at the sight of his brother joking with him, despite Ender’s quiet and dull tone that seemed permanently etched onto his voice from all the times he spent in solitude and silence.
“You and me, we’re a good team Ender, there’s just nobody that’s the same kind of smart like us” he clapped an arm around his little brother’s shoulder as they began to walk back towards the house.
“There are people smarter than us” he remarked quietly.
“Yes but not like us, we’re a different kind of wavelength, other people just don’t get us like we get each other”
“We haven’t talked in years Peter”
“Doesn’t matter, blood speaks”
He didn’t understand Peter’s logic, or what he was trying to get at. Peter seemed to have grown like that in the time they were apart. He got so infuriatingly confusing.
They got home and we welcomed back just in time for bed. Mother and father explained that they finally had to get rid of the bunk bed in Ender and Peter’s old room, they were on the verge of saying it was useless but they caught themselves. Though Ender knew, they gave the room all to Peter because they thought Ender was never coming back. Though Ender couldn’t blame them. He thought so too.
Nevertheless though, Peter posed no opposition to sharing his double bed with Ender, so no one made other arrangements. Valentine must have said goodnight to him a thousand times before retreating to her own room, leaving Ender and Peter to change in the room alone.
They dressed with their backs to each other, though Ender still felt like Peter’s eyes were burning through him.
They talked a little at their desks. It was so strange to Ender, having a normal conversation with his brother, normal meaning world politics, a topic he seemed more than curiously learned in. But it wasn’t all just work, it was also jokes, and stories, and sharing ideas in the way that only geniuses could really talk to one another. It was true, Ender thought, Peter really could understand him, and they connected like they were friends.
They were not friends.
Ender would never forget the face of evil that was his brother. He would not let himself get swept up in this seducing tide of brotherhood that reminded him of battle school. He would never let himself be Peter. Never.
And yet looking over at him, comfortably sprawled out in a desk chair, a smile on his face that he seemed to only wear around Ender; being Peter didn’t suddenly seem like such an evil thing.
“Well I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to call it a night” he yawned, logging off and flopping backwards on the bed in a way that mimicked any college student perfectly.
“Same” Ender muttered, finishing an email before turning the machine off and getting in beside him much more slowly. Peter watched him. Peter was always watching him.
Peter turned off the light and they settled into the quiet for a few moments.
“Hey, do you remember the Bugger game we used to play?” Ender’s blood shot cold for a minute, why would Peter purposefully bring that up? Was this the chance he was waiting for to hurt Ender when his guard was down? No, that wasn’t Peter’s type, he’d wait till Ender was asleep to strike so he would already have dominance when Ender awoke, he wouldn’t risk it in a struggle that he wasn’t a hundred percent sure he could win. This was something different.
“Yeah, you were an ass” Ender retorted, keeping the seriousness off the conversation for as long as he could.
He felt a hand on his leg, just a hand, no hesitation at all as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Peter didn’t acknowledge it at all,
“You were so easy to push down, you know that’s why I did it, I just wanted you to play right”
The hand kept moving up, grazing against his thigh and meeting his shorts
“I thought I was playing right” Ender said, swallowing a lump in his throat.
“No no, see, we’re close Ender, we’re on the same wavelength, our minds work the same way, but you’ve never been able to match my pace, you were just too slow Ender, you didn’t play right”
His hand was overtop of his shorts now, Peter’s palm felt like the only thing in the room. Ender had to make a decision.
He moved like a flash of lightning, seizing up and grabbing Peter’s hand, trying to yank him off balance. But Peter was not as small as he remembered. Peter did not lose his balance at all. His older brother grabbed him and pulled him down below the sheets, flipping him over forcefully and pinning his hands down next to the bedpost. His entire body seemed to be pressing against him, keeping him down, destroying any leverage Ender could get.
“Aww, what’s wrong little brother? They didn’t teach you real combat in your special little school?” Peter mocked in his ear, his breath was hot on his neck and drenched in the sour tones that Ender had been expecting through every conversation.
Peter had stopped pretending.
“They’ll know if you kill me” was all Ender could grit through the pillow, having to tilt his head down to keep from being smothered.
“Oh but I don’t want to kill you Ender, I had to go to so much trouble to get them to bring you back down to earth” Ender didn’t know how to respond to this, he was putting pieces together in his head but he kept getting distracted by Peter’s free hand running under his shirt. “Haven’t you been keeping up with the nets? See, Valentine and I have been playing our own little game while you’ve been away, or should I say Locke and Demosthenes”
So that was how it was. Ender felt stupid for not having seen through it sooner, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t recognized his own siblings styles. Then again they weren’t called genius children for nothing. But that meant that Peter was not only trying to bring him back, but also send him away. It was the perfect plan, he must have known the IF wouldn’t back down to a challenge, and yet they also weren’t stupid enough to give Locke the credit of being right for when something inevitably happened to Ender.
“You’re going to exile me” Ender said plainly, Peter hesitated slightly at this. He took his hands off Ender and pulled him up towards him, a hand guiding the back of his head to make him meet his brother’s eyes.
“I never wanted to kill you Ender”
“That’s a lie”
“No its not, as a kid, maybe I liked the power, maybe I was jealous of you, maybe I really was evil or whatever it is you want to believe. But when you left, I started thinking more and more, the other’s just don’t connect the same way we do Ender, they’re all untrustworthy, they’re brainless sheep, they don’t know things like we do. Even Valentine isn’t right, she doesn’t see things the way we can, I was so afraid you’d turn out just like her, all soft, but here you are, you’ve killed more and done worse things than I ever could. Can’t you see Ender? We’re the only one’s who will ever understand each other”
That’s not true.
Ender knew that what he was saying was simply not true.
He had his school. He had his jeesh. He was not alone, not like Peter.
And yet the way Peter talked made him believe something so different. He felt lost and small and so needy for the guidance of someone who would take care of him, he felt the way he did the first night at battle school, longing for a source of comfort that no teacher could bring. He wanted his parents, he wanted Valentine, but instead he had Peter. And for a moment it was as though Peter was all he had.
So when Peter pressed their lips together he didn’t protest. He didn’t squirm the way he was writhing on the inside, he didn’t choke on Peter’s tongue the way he was choking on his own breath, he didn’t show how sick he felt in the pit of his stomach, because he knew Peter wouldn’t stop even if he did.
Peter slowly pushed him onto his back, more gently than before, he began to move his kisses down Ender’s neck, getting harder and biting, making Ender jump almost constantly as he marked him. His hands dragged down his body, finding their place between his legs.
Ender screwed his eyes shut and flopped his head back as Peter ran his hand over his shaft, a few licks here and there, building up a heat in his abdomen that made him feel nauseous. But Peter stopped when he got hard, and instead came back up towards Ender, raising himself onto his knees in front of him.
“I don’t-...” was all Ender could put together as Peter leaned him up a bit, holding his member close to his face.
“I’ll show you how” Peter whispered, interpreting his words for his own, “What are big brothers for afterall?” he loved the look of discomfort that flashed over Ender’s face, it reminded him of all the times he made Valentine work with him, but so god damn better. Maybe he really hadn’t grown up much after all, he still felt that familiar need to hurt Ender, but he had come such a long way from just knocking him down and pretending that he was going to kill him. He had been given so much time to understand that there were so many ways to hurt someone, no, he was mistaken, this was love.
This was all the love he could ever give his younger brother, he gave him the honesty of who he really was, he let him see the facade break down and crumple, the wall he put up to keep the world outside and himself on a comfortable throne, watching as the world fell over itself trying to do his bidding. He knew the world would never be able to accept someone like him, but his brother and his sister, those were the people who could, and if they didn’t, he could make them. Valentine was so easy to manipulate, she had so many weaknesses, her love was her weakness, but Peter’s love was his strength. He had a love for power, and he had a love for control, whereas she had a love or peace and harmony and all the other bullshit she had false hope in.
And yet both of their love’s could be satisfied by Ender.
Ender coughed on the taste but Peter didn’t take it out, he held his brothers head back and pushed in further, smiling down at him and his narrowed and closed his eyes. He must have felt Peter watching because he opened his eyes and looked up. “Does this count as winning sister?” Peter thought deliciously. As much as Ender wanted Valentine, he would make sure that he would always be his.
Peter pulled out of his mouth and leaned down to kiss him while Ender was still inhaling his breath. Ender didn’t try and pull away from it, he let Peter do as he wanted while he tried to take in as much air as he could between kisses.
With ease, Peter put him back down onto his back and tangled himself between his legs. He reached over and grabbed something from the bedside table, Ender turned his head and stared at the door as he felt fingers prodding into him. It hurt slightly, but it would have felt stranger if it didn’t. Things with Peter were supposed to hurt, he had come to accept that.
Ender was too distracted with his swirling thoughts to notice the reason for Peters repositioning, but he knew quickly enough as he felt his member press into him. He made a noise like a strangled gasp but Peter caught it with his mouth, locking their lips together before his brother could make too much noise.
Enders entire body seemed to twitch with discomfort as Peter kept pushing in, he dragged his nails across the others back in an attempt to both channel it out and express his feeling to Peter. If anything that only encouraged him more. It was clear enough that this was just another tactic of control that had simply developed with age, there wasn’t going to be any sweet condolences or apologizing. It would have been easier to believe it was just another beating if the sound of Peter breathing in his ear didn’t strike deep chords inside him. The feeling of Peter inside him shouldn’t have mixed in any feelings except nausea in him.
Maybe it was because no one ever touched him like this before. Maybe it was because he had been too preoccupied with more important things that he was curious and the only person in the world that he felt like he didn’t have to be superior to was the one who wanted to explore with him too. He didn’t fully understand why he made such noises when Peter started to move, slowly but relentlessly. He understood nerves and hormones and human nature, but he didn’t understand the feeling that clouded his head and kept letting whines and moans out from his throat.
He liked to blame the heat. It was suffocating and intoxicating, the friction of their bodies as Ender started to move in ways he didn’t understand but still felt necessary. There was the look in Peters eye as he stared down at him, the glint he could see even through the darkness. Then there was his hands, one propped beside his head to keep him up and tug on Enders hair, and the other hand that was far below, stroking Enders erection and keeping the rhythm between them going.
“And you were so hesitant before” Peter smirked,
“Shut up” Ender spat, rolling his head to the side so he didn’t have to stare straight up at him.
“Aww, don’t act angry when you’re having so much fun” as if to prove a point he rolled his hips, sending a shiver through the smaller boys entire body along with a gasp.
“N-no more” he gasped, feeling as though he was catching on fire, Peters hand was still rubbing him, sending him to the edge of what he could handle.
“That’s not what you’re supposed to say” Ender didn’t know how to respond because he felt a shudder pass through him as his vision screwed up, his mouth was open but he didn’t feel like he could breathe, all that was on his mind was the wave of pleasure that washed through him. He think he said a name while it happened. God, Peter loved that.
He felt his brother cum inside him, and pull out a few moments later, breathy and satisfied with himself. He leaned down and kissed Ender, then laid down beside him in the bed. Ender rolled away so he wouldn’t have to face him, though it almost felt worse since his mind could only replay the look on his face.
“Do you love me, Ender?” Peter asked, draping an arm across his brother.
‘“Yes” Ender said, almost in pain to do so. He was far too tired to process what that meant to him. Was it true because he felt like it was supposed to be the emotion that fit that word, or was he lying because he had long since been able to understand what sort of emotion he had for his brother. Either way, it wasn’t something he was going to think of in the night. His answer had made Peter happy, and that probably kept him alive. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that either.
The morning came in almost an abrupt way. At some point, Ender must have fallen asleep, because he awoke to sunshine and an empty bed. He didn’t feel any incentive to get up though. He knew what he had to do. He got dressed sloppily and opened up his desk, sending a quick two word message before closing it again.
He got the bags that he didn’t bother to unpack very much and left them beside the door, ready and neat. Then he made his way downstairs where Valentine and Peter were eating in the kitchen, their parents absent.
“Where’s mom and dad?” Ender asked, catching both of their attention.
“Good morning Ender” Valentine smiled, gesturing for him to join them at the table.
“They went shopping, didn’t say when they’d be back” Peters eyes didn’t leave Enders, they burned slowly and steadily, studying his stoic expression. He was testing him again.
Ender didn’t sit down with them, he stayed standing on the steps where he was, unnerving them both.
“Ender, what’s wrong?” Valentine asked.
“How long have you been working with Peter”
“What?” she asked, Peter stopped eating, a look of cold malice glazed over him but Ender wasn’t afraid anymore.
“Did you know he was going to send me into exile after bringing me back one last time?” Peter shot up to his feet, Valentine got up as well, if only in retaliation against Peter.
“Why did you tell him?” she asked, turning to Peter and ignoring Ender.
“He deserved to know”
“We had an agreement, Peter!”
“Valentine, please” Ender begged, needing to hear that she had been forced or tricked, anything. She looked up at him with pain in her eyes.
“I wanted to bring you home at first, but then we ran the possibilities of what would happen if you did. It’s not good Ender, its too dangerous, the world doesn’t have an outlet for their problems anymore, they’d make you their new one. We both tried to get the IF to keep you and send you somewhere safe, but we pressed too hard and they did the opposite. We only tried to keep you safe” she pleaded. Ender forgave her mentally, she had scored enough points with her explanation that Ender found a way to not be mad at her just like he wanted.
“Peter’s using you too then” he smiled sadly.
“Ender that’s enough” Peter growled, probably wondering if he could kill him and still have Valentine on his side.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anybody your little secret” for the first time, Ender felt like he had a little bit of power over him, “But now you’ve had your games, so let me live my life. Don’t contact me again, don’t use me, and do everybody a favor and just forget about me”
“What are you-” he was cut off by a knock at the door that only sounded once before the officers let themselves in, followed by Graf.
“Ready to go Ender?” he asked gruffly, standing in the doorway as the officers headed upstairs towards his room to retrieve his bags.
“Oh god, please Ender don’t leave, not yet” Valentine begged, Peter just stood there in stunned stupor.
“I love you Valentine, I really do, but you said it yourself, I shouldn’t have come back” he walked down to where Peter was. Peter didn’t offer any words and he didn’t know anymore to give either. But he felt as though he needed to win. He wrapped his arms around his older brother and held him there for a moment, relishing in the fact that this would be the last time he would ever have to touch Peter again.
It took Peter a moment but then he embraced him back, almost violently, whispering in his ear,
“I’m as much in your head as I am in front of you” but Ender just smiled into his shoulder,
“But you’re not the only one in my head” and that seemed to truly hurt him. Ender let go and took a step away from him, and then another, and then another few more. He didn’t turn around and he didn’t slow down. There was nothing left that he needed from Peter.
“The shuttle will be ready by the time we get there” Graf said, stepping aside to let him through.
From inside, Valentine looked over at Peter who was standing petrifyingly still.
“You can play games on your own from now on” she spat. He smirked,
“Hurry up little sister” and despite everything her good nature still won out. She hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek before running out the door to where Ender was getting into a car. The IF officers shut the door behind them, and a few moments later he heard the car drive off into the distance, leaving the house intolerably still and quiet.
For a brief moment of shocking loneliness, Peter almost wondered if he should find a way to go with them. But he thought better. The only people who he deemed obstacles were now leaving planet earth, and it was so ripe for his taking. Though, that almost felt as though it wasn’t enough suddenly.
He didn’t know if he was supposed to feel lost or betrayed, but he had made his decision long ago. He got what he wanted from Ender, he didn’t need him, he wasn’t supposed to want him.
Peter clenched his fist and punched the wall beside him, letting the pulsing pain in his hand distract him from the storm brewing in his chest. Ender might be safe, but the earth had better be prepared.