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He was smart. He knew he was smart and kind and giving and even funny sometimes, if the way Changgu laughed at his jokes was a valid indicator. He was good and could make a mean French toast and he was so many things but despite knowing all of this, Hui still couldn’t understand how his relationship with Ko Shinwon came to happen.
They’d met by chance at the park one morning. Hui had been on his way to the farmer’s market by the river when Shinwon had stopped him to ask for directions to a coffee shop. Hui had needed to cover his eyes against the glare of the sun and looked up, and up some more, to see into the face of the man he was talking to. He’d been met with his own face in the reflection of some aviator glasses and an upturned mouth. When the eyebrow above the sunglasses arched, he realized he’d been staring.
“There’s a cafe two streets over but if you come with me there’s a stall at the market that
has really good cold brew,” he’d said.
Shinwon had agreed, they’d gotten their coffee, and ended up spending the rest of the morning walking along the river soaking in the day’s warmth. They realized they shared the same taste in movies but not music and Shinwon had vowed to ensure Hui would become a Harry Styles fan if it killed him. Hui found out that Shinwon was afraid of animals and Shinwon learned that Hui couldn’t swim.
At one, Shinwon had looked at his watch and cursed under his breath, realizing he was late for a meeting. The two exchanged numbers and went their separate ways. Although Hui’d had a wonderful time, happy to be out of his apartment, happy to have a conversation with someone who seemed to understand him, he held out no hope that Shinwon would ever message him.
“But why wouldn’t he?” Changgu looked at him confused when Hui detailed their meeting later that night. Hui shrugged.
“People make promises they don’t intend to keep all the time.” At this, Changgu balked. Always trusting, always believing in the best of people.
“Okay well that’s crazy and besides, you’re so good, he has to be into you. You spent the whole day together! That means something.”
He didn’t want to get his hopes up but Hui really wanted Changgu to be right. Shinwon was the most fun he’d had in a long time and it felt good to get to know someone new.
“I have to meet Hongseokkie for dinner, but you let me know if he calls you,” Changgu said looking at his phone for the time.
Just as he was shutting the door behind Changgu, Hui’s phone vibrated on the table, he squinted at it warily.
“Hwitaek, we are not getting our hopes up over this guy,” he said to himself. “We are not getting our hopes up because we will be disappointed if it doesn’t work out.”
He closed his eyes, blew out a breath and unlocked his phone.
-I really had a good time today.
-is it too soon to text you?
-my idiot friends always say you have to wait three days after a date
-not saying it was a date but
-if it was that would also be fine
-or not!
-but maybe? ㅎ_ㅎ
-oh god is that face weird? why am i sending you emoticons
-why am i sending you so many MESSAGES OH MY GOd okay i’m leaving now
-(but i did have a really good time today)
Ten messages. Shinwon had sent him ten messages. Hui pressed his face into the back of the couch to hide his smile.
-I had a really good time too
-I don’t think it counted as a date though
-Maybe we should have a do over, make it official
-CHANGGU YOU LEFT TOO EARLY HE JUST TEXTED ME!!!!!!
-I THINK HE’S ASKING ME OUT??????
-I THINK *I ASKED HIM OUT*?????????????????
-........oh my god
-Okay well it was so nice to have met you but I will unfortunately be moving to a monastery
forever and will not be able to see you ever again enjoy your life goodbye
He shoved a pillow over his head and screamed. It was so like him to meet a cute guy that was interested in him and then fuck up the whole thing by accidentally texting him a message sent for Changgu. He felt his phone buzz and wondered if he was strong enough to smother himself with the cushion on his face. It buzzed again and he flinched.
“Okay. You already resigned yourself to him never talking to you again ten minutes ago before he ever messaged you. This is just like that. Yes he’s cute and funny and tall and wants to date you but there are other people out there that are just as cute and funny and tall that want to date you! You found one you can find another.”
Removing the pillow from his face Hui took a deep breath and looked at his phone. An email from Shuttle letting him know he had credits in his account from International Women’s Day and a calendar notification reminding him that tomorrow was trash day.
Shinwon hadn’t even texted him. He’d done the pep talk for nothing.
As he was composing a message to Changgu to lament his luck a notification popped up:
->ㅁ<
-aaaahhhhhh!!!!!! Hui so cute did you message me by mistake?????
Shinwon was calling him… cute? Hui read over the message again as another came in.
-i hope you didn’t mean it when you said you were moving to a monastery
-i don’t think i’m allowed to date a monk
-you don’t have to be embarrassed it was sweet
Maybe he wants to harvest my organs. He cannot possibly be as cute as he is and be this nice, he thought to himself.
-i texted my friends about you too you know so it’s okay
Hui really wasn’t sure what to do; respond, obviously, but it felt like his brain had shriveled up. This guy had to be crazy. But, well, Hui had talked about Shinwon to Changgu and had been excited to hear from him too, so maybe they were just, and he was shocked to realize it- being open and honest with their feelings?
Hui’s last relationship hadn’t been anything like that; his boyfriend purposefully withholding affection because he knew he could get Hui to do things for the reward of gaining his attention back. Having someone admit to their feelings, especially so soon, was new to him. He thought he liked the idea. If Shinwon could be open then so could he.
-You’re honestly being so nice about this?
-Any of my friends would be making fun of me for that right now but
-You’re really nice, thank you.
The reply came right away:
-he lives!
-like i’m absolutely laughing at you still but you can’t blame me
-now about that date
∻
They went to dinner for their first official date, at a place way nicer than Hui had expected. Shinwon’s only response to the shock on Hui’s face when they pulled up outside was to say, “a friend of mine owns it.”
Hui looked down at his outfit, dark gray pants and a short sleeve button up. Shinwon noticed his hesitation and grabbed his hand, leaning down to whisper in his ear, “you look amazing.” Hui felt the goosebumps raise on his neck where Shinwon’s breath brushed his skin.
“Your ears are burning,” Shinwon said smiling, a safer distance away.
“Ah! They are not,” Hui protested, moving further from him.
“They are too! I bet if I touched it you’d be warm,” Shinwon reached out a hand to tug on Hui’s ear.
“What are you doing, quit it,” Hui laughed squirming away.
“You were thinking too much, I thought if I could distract you you’d feel better.”
Oh. Well that was more than Hui was expecting. Shinwon had a way of putting him on his back foot. He found he didn’t mind.
He felt his ears burning again but Shinwon was right, he was nervous. He liked the shirt he was wearing but they were walking toward a fancier restaurant than he’d anticipated. Shinwon looked, well frankly, edible but he’d been dressed nicely when they’d met that first time too. Hui frowned, wondering if he was usually underdressed.
“C’mon you’re doing it again,” Shinwon said, reaching for Hui’s ear again.
“Alright alright! I’m sorry,” he smacked at Shinwon’s hand only for Shinwon to grab it. Hui stumbled over his step and Shinwon threw his arm over Hui’s shoulder, pulling him in close.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, Hui focussing on not tripping again and trying not to panic about the fingers playing at his collar.
When they entered, a tall man came from behind the bar to clap Shinwon on the shoulder.
“I was wondering when you’d be back! They finally let you off, huh?” he asked.
“For like a second,” Shinwon replied, rolling his eyes. “Mingyu, this is Hui. Hui, Mingyu, the friend I told you about.”
“What could you possibly have to say about me,” Mingyu asked Shinwon as he shook Hui’s hand.
“He was worried about his outfit. I was telling him a friend of mine would never be strict about a dress code.” Mingyu laughed.
“Well none of us can compare to you. I keep it lax for us normal folk. You look good to me,” Mingyu said.
Shinwon rolled his eyes and Hui looked between the two of them.
“Alright let me get you a table before he starts really complaining.” Mingyu grabbed some menus and walked them over to a table in the corner.
After they ordered their drinks, Hui finally asked, “What did he mean, us normal folk?”
“Oh, I model. He did too before he met his partner and started this place,” Shinwon said, taking a sip.
Hui stared at him.
“You…..model.”
“Well don’t look like that! Am I not modely?” Shinwon started making exaggerated smouldering pouty faces.
“No no I just thought you were like. Normal hot. I didn’t know you were a model. I’ve never met a model.”
“Normal hot?” Shinwon stopped making faces and widened his eyes at Hui.
“Okay not like normal you’re the hottest person that’s ever spoken to me but oh my god I’m on a date with a model? Are you serious?” He leaned in and squinted, “Are you trying to steal my organs because honestly I don’t think I eat well enough for them to be in good shape. I don’t think they’d sell well.”
Shinwon laughed for a long moment.
“No, I'm not going to steal your organs,” he said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Is it so hard to believe I would be interested in you? You found me coffee, be glad I didn’t propose on the spot. Besides,” he leaned in, “you’re plenty hot yourself.”
Hui smiled and looked at his plate, tearing at a piece of bread in front of him. Shinwon tapped at the table near Hui’s hand.
“What? You don’t believe me?”
“You’re just so,” Hui waved a hand, “upfront.”
Shinwon shrugged. “Why not? I spent a long time not admitting things to people, not admitting things to myself. It made me tired. Talking about them is harder but it feels better.”
Hui thought about it for a minute while they ordered.
“I appreciate that. My last boyfriend wasn’t….good at talking. He wasn’t good at a lot of things but letting me have feelings was hard for him.”
“Well,” Shinwon said, lifting his drink, motioning for Hui to do the same. “Fuck that.”
They clinked glasses.
∺
It’d been three years but it wasn’t any easier for Hui when Shinwon went away on work. Shinwon has been gone for two weeks-- it was only supposed to be a few days. First, a show in Thailand got postponed twice due to weather lengthening the trip and then when his headshots got around while he was at a shoot in the States, he accepted a last minute commercial gig in Mexico.
Hui is restless. It wasn’t that they never spent time apart, just that it was two weeks. He misses his boyfriend. After another lonely night of leftovers and Netflix he takes a selfie as he’s getting ready for bed and sends it to Shinwon.
-Do you miss me?
He turns the ringer off, knowing he won’t get a response any time soon due to the time difference, and calls it a night.
-ㅠㅡㅠ
-of course i miss you
-i’ll be home soon i promise
Shinwon’s message has a photo attached of himself in a car, on his way to or from the shoot, Hui guesses. He sighs as he reads the messages and writes back:
-You’d better
->:(
∻
Hui does what he can to stave off his listlessness; walks by the river, writes, goes to dinner with Changgu and Hongseok- a mistake, going out with a couple.
He’s grateful to his friends for not being overly touchy when he was around, Changgu’s especially sensitive to Hui’s predicament, but still. Listening to them wonder if they’d ever been apart as long as he and Shinwon had been this past month was difficult.
Going home to a dark apartment was even harder. Hui sighs as he hangs up his jacket and gets undressed.
Shinwon is due back in a week but it felt like it would be years, Hui thinks, sending off another text and climbing into bed.
-I love you, I miss you :(
It’s Friday night and he had grand plans of going to the farmer’s market early the next morning to get flowers to liven up the apartment but first, he would try to sleep off his funk.
∻
The room is still gray when Hui feels the soft brush of hair against his cheek. He mumbles and rolls over to squint at the intruder, coming face to face with his boyfriend smiling down at him. He bolts upright, nearly smacking Shinwon in the nose with his forehead.
“What are you doing here, you’re not supposed to be home for a week,” he screeches, throwing his arms around Shinwon’s neck.
“I missed you. I took a redeye home, I couldn’t do it anymore,” he whispers into Hui’s hair. He breathes deeply and pulls Hui in tight, “two weeks was too much.”
“Two and a half,” Hui says thickly. He doesn’t open his eyes for fear of tears falling and instead buries his face deeper into Shinwon’s neck.
“Two and a half,” Shinwon laughs.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, let’s get you back to sleep.” Shinwon pulls back and looks at Hui for a long moment before slipping out of bed to get undressed.
When they’d met three years ago, Shinwon had known Hui was special. He was goofy and quick and he made Shinwon feel quiet in a way he couldn’t explain.
It was always hard when he was away for work but they would send photos and text often, facetiming when they could manage it depending on time zones; two weeks- two and a half- had proven to be too much. He missed Hui’s honking laugh, the way he got clingy when he was sleepy and how warm and pliable he was early in the morning after waking up.
Shinwon loves his job, loves traveling, loves the money but he wants to be able to come home and eat instant ramen and watch movies curled up on the couch with his boyfriend more than he wanted anything else.
So, he came home. He made his apologies to the director, feigned some family illness and booked the next flight home. It was a fifteen hour flight, a kid kicked his seat the whole way but he’d made it back home to Hui. He was home and Hui was looking at him like nothing else mattered as he undressed and crawled into the bed next to him.
Shinwon spoons himself into Hui’s back and presses kisses into his hairline and the back of his neck until he hears Hui’s breathing even out again. The sun was creeping in through the window, lightening the gray of the room and giving him a better view of Hui’s face, a little smile etched there. Shinwon smiles in kind and lands one more kiss to his shoulder before tightening his arm around Hui’s waist and falling asleep himself.