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“Giyuu.” Sabito says, his rice ball untouched.
Giyuu looks at him with his cheeks full of food, a fact Sabito notes only with the corner of his eye. Giyuu swallows with certain difficulty.
“What is it, Sabito?”
He squirms, a light blush dusting his cheeks. His mind fails to conjure a time he’d felt as flustered as he feels now during the whole decade he’s been alive.
“Are you ok?” Giyuu asks, reaching with his small hand to touch Sabito’s shoulder.
“Are you going to get married one day?” The hand stalls.
Wind blows, carrying leaves and sticking one to his friend’s hair. Sabito finally turns around, meeting Giyuu’s confused tilt of his head.
“I haven’t thought about it.” Giyuu says, innocently. “Why?”
Sabito fidgets again. He feels frustrated, forehead creased like when he spends a whole day trying to master a move and ends up not getting it. Letting a sigh escape through his nose, he looks all around them, vigilant.
His shoulders relax a little bit once he notices no one in the near vicinity. Sabito turns his head towards Giyuu, but keeps his eyes downcast.
“Makomo got mad at me today. Said she’d marry a guy who’d let her do anything she wanted and leave me behind.”
There’s a beat of silence. Sabito opens his mouth again to speak any of the rushing thoughts in his head. Are you going to do the same? Do you prefer to be alone? Do you want to leave me? Is my family really going to be torn apart again?
Am I a bad person?
Instead, he takes a big bite of the rice ball and chews on it slowly.
Sabito’s not looking, but he can tell Giyuu has that strange, analytical gaze he’d sometimes get whenever Sabito was in a particularly sour mood. Sabito hates it, says he’s been hanging out with Makomo too much and needs to stop thinking so hard. Giyuu just smiles again, softer and more intimate than the smile he shares whenever they play together or successfully complete an assignment, and usually asks Sabito to help him with something.
“What if I do?” Giyuu’s sweet voice is a whisper, prompting Sabito to look back up at him.
He feels a prickle of rage, still too fresh from his altercation with Makomo. For a moment, he expected Giyuu to take her side. However, his friend stays still, looking deeply into his eyes, with no malice whatsoever behind his question.
Blood flows to Sabito’s face in what he insistently considers anger, but is truly just embarrassment. He rattles his brain for any possible answer he can give that won’t sound vulnerable and girly.
“W-well, I’d have to be notified immediately!” Sabito hides his stammer with another mouthful of rice. “I can’t let you marry a woman that will drag you down!”
“Eeehh? I’d have to introduce everyone to you?”
“Yesh!” Sabito spits out, some rice flies from his mouth and sticks to Giyuu’s cheek. He seems unbothered, picks it up and puts it in his own mouth. Sabito’s gaze follow his fingers for reasons he’s still incapable of understanding.
“That sounds like a waste of time… Urokodaki-san says we need to prioritize practicality and quick thinking…” Giyuu focuses his gaze far ahead, deep in thought. He lets out a tired sigh. “Still, I don’t think it’d be too bad. Isn’t marriage supposed to be the greatest bond? Having someone to be with my whole life seems nice…”
“Of course not!” Sabito exclaims, suddenly heated. He gets up from the log they sat on and moves in front of Giyuu with his hands on his hips and chest puffed high. “The bond between warriors is far greater than husband and wife! A demon slayer must dedicate his life to the battlefield!”
Giyuu seems to ponder more on the statement, then his eyes light up with an idea.
“Then why don’t I marry you?” He chirps, sounding much too happy about it.
Sabito’s jaw drops and his eyes widen in shock. By the way Giyuu’s giggling, the color of his face certainly fits the color of his hair.
“Wh-what?! You’d be my wife?!”
Giyuu takes a bite of his rice ball, unaffected by the statement. Sabito’s a little jealous of his unwavering resolve, to be honest.
“Can’t we both be husbands?”
Sabito clicks his tongue.
“Of course not. Where have you heard of a marriage with two husbands? You must be my wife.”
Giyuu ponders again. He looks like he’s very serious about this conversation and the thought creates a lump in Sabito’s throat.
“Well, if it means you’d let me take care of you, of course I want to be your wife, Sabito!” Giyuu’s eyes sparkle with a glint of joy and admiration, the corners crinkled by a wide, genuine smile. His feet, previously dangling off the log, start kicking in that way he does when he’s excited about something.
Sabito’s heart skips a beat so intense he has to grasp his chest to make sure it hasn’t jumped out. He feels himself overheating with a rush of emotions.
It’s in part terrifying how good this idea makes him feel. Sabito had always been sure he’d never devote his life to anything but protecting people from demons, would never let something as insignificant as matters of the heart distract him from his real goal, and yet… here he is, desperately trying to suppress the giddiness bubbling it’s way out of him just from hearing how eager Giyuu is to get married.
But, of course, admitting how grateful and relieved Sabito is would be displaying vulnerability, which is unacceptable for a real hardened warrior. So Sabito turns his back to Giyuu and loudly clears his throat, trying to regain his composure.
“Yes, this is the perfect solution to the issue. If you marry me , it means I can always keep an eye on you and help you grow as a slayer. You won’t have to make any sacrifices in the name of love because you’re with me!”
Giyuu giggles.
“Yes! You’re the one I love!”
The statement hits like a blade straight to his heart, almost making Sabito stumble in his surprise. It shouldn’t be a surprise, Giyuu has never been shy about his affections, but they haven’t crossed the L Word Line yet.
“Don’t just say that, Giyuu!” He looks over his shoulder, a little offended at how flustered he is.
“Why not?” Giyuu sounds genuinely sad. He hops out of the log and walks up to Sabito, stopping right behind him and linking his own hands together.
Giyuu never forces himself on Sabito’s field of vision, always stopping right next to or a few paces behind him. It’s not like it matters, since Sabito always ends up facing him of his own volition anyway. Giyuu gives him an encouraging smile when he does so. “We’re getting married, aren’t we? Loving each other is part of the vows. You can’t marry if you don’t say ‘I do’ to the vows, silly Sabito.”
“I knew that.” Sabito huffs, still unable to meet Giyuu’s eyes. He stares down at Giyuu’s joined hands and feels the urge to take them, one of the many he suppresses. “Just… don’t say it so freely.”
“Sabito?”
Both boys look behind them, locking eyes with Makomo slowly trotting along the path to their log. Sabito squints his eyes.
“What do you want?” He spits, crossing his arms over his chest.
Makomo stops just behind the log, a few paces away from them. She looks sheepish and fidgets with her hands.
“I wanna apologize.” Her voice is soft and filled with regret. It wavers even Sabito’s resolve to be mad at her. “It wasn’t fair for me to say I’ll leave you behind. I know you don’t like being alone. It was mean and I shouldn’t have said it. I should’ve talked to you about how you made me feel.”
Sabito feels a little humiliated that Makomo read his abandonment issues like a book, but she looks so ashamed of herself that he can’t bring himself to interrupt her. Makomo is, after all, part of his new family.
“But I won’t apologize for getting mad at you always getting in the way of my training!” She says, suddenly louder and with more conviction, finally locking eyes with him in a challenging attitude. “It’s not fair that you let Giyuu grow at his own pace but you keep wanting to boss me around! I’m a slayer too, just like you two!”
Sabito stomps his foot, his grip tightening around his biceps. Well, so much for taking a shot at patience.
“You can’t fight like us!” He notes, a little too bitterly. Giyuu looks between the two of them with distress.
“Yes, I can!” Makomo mimics his gesture, also planting her foot on the ground. “If you keep being this ignorant, you’ll never get a wife who loves you!”
Oh, that does it, he’s done being nice to her. Sabito goes red with rage (for real this time).
“OH YEAH? WELL I ALREADY HAVE A WIFE!” Sabito shouts. Giyuu and Makomo both stare at him in awe.
“Wh-wha…”
Makomo’s not even done asking her question before Sabito wraps an arm around Giyuu’s waist, bringing him flush against him. With his other hand, Sabito points proudly to his chest.
“Giyuu and I are getting MARRIED. And he’s going to be my WIFE and we’re going to LOVE EACH OTHER TIL THE DAY WE DIE!” He continues, all shyness from any previously denied emotions gone in light of proving their other friend wrong. It’s truly pleasing to see not only Makomo looking stunned and at a complete loss for words, but also the lushful pink coloring Giyuu’s small, round cheeks.
“S-Sabito…” Giyuu whispers, too low for Makomo to hear. He eventually softens, letting a tiny smile slowly grow on his lips and nuzzling his cheek to Sabito’s neck affectionately.
“Giyuu can’t be your wife… he’d be your husband!” She says, more in confusion than any real frustration.
“Of course he can! You can’t have a marriage with two husbands! It’s always a wife and a husband!” Sabito argues, completely convinced of his logic.
“So… you’re okay with marrying another man, but not with calling him your husband?”
“Yes!”
Makomo shuts up. She just has nothing more to say. Her face is frozen is a strange mix of surprise and confusion, the gears in her brain visibly working overtime to try and get Sabito's train of thought. Eventually, she sighs.
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised…” Makomo murmurs to herself, but still loud enough to be heard. “Well, have a good honeymoon. I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your love.” With that, she turns on her heel and leaves, not even sparing a glance as Sabito yells more challenging words at her.
Sabito huffs.
“What’s her problem? Of course I can get married just fine…”
Giyuu’s amused chuckles pull him out of his frustrated state and it somehow startles him to realize he’s still clinging to Giyuu, keeping him snug to his side. Giyuu has brought his soft hands to hug around Sabito’s midsection, effectively neutralizing any chances for Sabito to separate from him.
“I’m your wife now… hehehe…” he murmurs into Sabito’s neck.
He’s so happy about this… Sabito allows his heart this one moment of just appreciating their closeness and think, yeah, I think I’d like to share my life with Giyuu. The hand around Giyuu’s waist squeezes, then caresses his side fondly.
Giyuu looks up, bringing his face away from Sabito’s skin and a few inches too close to his face.
“You haven’t kissed me yet, though… you have to kiss the bride, Sabito!” There’s that twinkle in his eyes that Sabito loves so much, and he can’t help but open a rare, wide smile.
---
To this day, Sabito still doesn’t know what kind of positive wave he was riding at that time that he really squished Giyuu’s cute cheeks and planted a loud, wet kiss on his puckered lips. Giyuu was elated , immediately kissing his cheeks and proclaiming to the stillness of the woods that they were, officially, husband and wife.
Sabito even spent a full week calling Giyuu his wife and sometimes giving him pecks before bed and after training, a behavior that almost gave their poor teacher a heart attack when he saw it decontextualized.
Urokodaki never outright forbade them, but he did sternly talk to them about how serious of an affair marriage is and. Unfortunately- and Sabito can recall the tinge of sadness in the old man’s voice - he still had to inform them that, legally, they couldn’t be recognized as a couple, and that would likely not change anytime soon.
Giyuu cried, murmuring how unfair that was into the towel he used to wipe his tears with. Sabito didn’t comment, but he remembers feeling deeply rooted shame at how childish he was, despite being, quite literally, a child. Sabito went back to locking his feelings away tightly and they never talked about it again.
Sabito can’t help but reminisce as he and Giyuu stand behind a crowd of emotional onlookers, watching a couple they rescued a few weeks ago exchange their vows. Now, as he tiptoes the line between kinoe and pillar, Sabito sees himself as a much more grown and mature person, more in tune with his feelings and aware of all the issues he nurtured from an early age. It doesn’t mean he knows how to deal with most of these issues, but at least now he can put a name to the strange, melancholic feeling he gets when longingly observing Giyuu on their day to day lives.
“It’s always good to see something beautiful bloom from all the pain.” Giyuu says, out of nowhere, still keeping his eyes fixed on the couple.
“That’s strangely sentimental of you.” Sabito quirks an eyebrow.
“Marriages make me feel things.” Giyuu stares at Sabito from the corner of his eyes. “I’m sure you understand.”
Sabito swallows, but maintains their gazes locked, braving through the blush creeping up his cheeks. They’ve never talked about the one week relationship they maintained ten years ago. Simply continued training, passed their final selection, and rose through the ranks as some of the most skilled, inseparable duos to ever join the Demon Slaying Corps. There were many times during this journey that Sabito revisited this memory, slowly learning something new about himself and his feelings towards Giyuu, often resulting in words trapped at the base of his throat and frustrated nights blaming himself for never strengthening his resolve enough to confront Giyuu about this.
He suspects, from Giyuu’s unwillingness to ever let go of him and his comments on the importance of their bond to his own emotional wellbeing, that Giyuu suffers from the same kind of doubts as him. But, alas, he isn’t brave enough to come out and ask.
Seems like Giyuu’s more than prepared to take that step for him, though. Nevertheless, Sabito decides to play it cool.
“God, don’t remind me.” He groans. “Nothing I ever said below the age of 18 should ever be brought up in my presence, ever.”
Giyuu hums in a way Sabito recognizes to be his “are you sure about that?” hum.
“Is the thought of marrying me that shameful to you?”
Sabito clicks his tongue.
“You know that’s not the point I wanted to make.”
“I’m still not opposed to being your wife.” Giyuu says, casually, like he was reminding Sabito to write his report in the morning. Sabito can feel his eyes widening, sweat threatening to bead at his forehead.
Do not panic. Sabito thinks. Do not panic. This is it. We’re talking about my decades long repressed homossexual feelings for my childhood best friend and the possibility of it being actually requited past my own pathetic wishful thinking.
“Oh yeah?” Sabito tries for casual as well, but misses by a small waver in his tone.
“You’ll need someone to take care of you when you become pillar, right?” Giyuu lets a small smile play at his lips. The infectious one that worms its way into Sabito’s heart every single time.
“Marriage is a shared responsibility. If you want to marry me, you’ll have to admit we’re both becoming pillars and taking care of each other. ”
Giyuu laughs softly, muffling it behind his hand. Sabito feels smitten.
“You got me.”
Sabito doesn’t realize he’s taken a step closer until their shoulders bump, prompting Giyuu to look up at him fondly. They stare into each other’s eyes for a beat, until the knot keeping one of his admissions in check loosens and Sabito sighs.
“You always knew, didn’t you?” He whispers almost into Giyuu’s ear. “You always knew I couldn’t live without you.”
Giyuu’s eyes gain a tint of sadness to them, as if he’s being thrown back to his ten year old self, remembering feelings he himself locks away. Giyuu nods.
“I knew you were doing your best to hide how lonely you were.” He admits. “But I never let it cross my mind that I was the one you’d want to keep forever.”
“Of course you are…”
Sabito wishes he could say more, elaborate on exactly how important Giyuu was to a small, broken kid like him. A kid who’d sworn to never believe in eternity, never allow himself the privilege of putting his feelings first. It fills Sabito's heart with fear and frustration to see Giyuu downplay his own role, placing Sabito at a pedestal. Why can't he see that Sabito is only half the honorable fighter he became due to Giyuu's support?
Well, he supposes Giyuu wouldn't know until Sabito tells him .
Slowly moving his hand until it bumps against Giyuu's, Sabito traces a lazy a path through his knuckles, eventually reaching his palm and firmly linking their hands together.
“Do you still love me?” He whispers, face inches away from the light of his life.
“I do.” Giyuu whispers back in one hushed breath. “Do you still love me?”
Sabito’s smile spreads wider.
“I do.”
The natural, gravitational pull that brings them even closer, sealing their promise in a soft press of lips, is no longer a mystery to Sabito. If he could turn back time, he’d put a hand on his younger self’s shoulder and tell him that it’s ok, and he’ll be ok if he lets himself feel. Hiding behind a thin veil of masculinity, there’s a kid, not a killing machine.
When they separate, Sabito brings a hand to lay softly on the side of Giyuu’s face. He immediately nuzzles into it, the pressure of his smile filling out Sabito’s palm and warming his heart.
He can’t change any of the circumstances that brought them here, but he thinks he’s fine with that. Looking deeply into Giyuu's eyes, Sabito can see a whole new future opening up to them, one they can learn to face together, not hiding behind caged emotions.