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When the TARDIS’ alarms went haywire, the four travelers braced themselves for whatever danger they could be meeting outside. The possibility that anyone of them would not be able to return home was always there, but it had never seemed higher than when the very ship that brings them to all these dangerous places practically screamed at them in worry. So they were all quite shocked when they poked their heads outside to find a quaint, 18th-century town.
Now dressed in more time-appropriate clothing, the four step out and begin to wander around. The peacefulness of the situation gives them plenty to joke about, but Yaz begins to worry when she cannot hear her favorite sounds laughter over the ones of her friends.
“Hold on, where’s the Doctor…” they turn around to see her staring across the street. Exchanging worried looks, they run back to meet her.
“You alright?”
“Oh, everything’s fine,” she assures, but can tell that the others are not satisfied with her answer. Any trace of her usual smile has gone from her face.
“I found what brought us here,” she explains, not moving a muscle. The group looks across the street to see two women, one in red and another in black, hugging in front of a shop. The Doctor takes a deep breath.
“You don’t seem fine,” Yaz replies, shifting her attention back to her friend.
“You’re right,” she says in a soft voice. The Doctor follows the women with her eyes as they start walking to a nearby park.
“Are you going to talk to them?” Ryan asks.
“Oh, ehhhhh yes,” She says with an eerie stiffness. “Well, you three should just explore, alright? I’ll meet you back at the TARDIS.” Graham and Ryan hesitate before they nod and turn around. Yaz stays behind.
“You’re scared,” she points out. “All those times we’ve faced death, I’ve never seen you this worried. You sure you want to be alone? Because… you don’t have to be.” The Doctor turns to Yaz and gives her a soft smile. Yaz can see the pain in her eyes and extends her hand to the Doctor, who lightly takes it.
Hand in hand, the pair walks towards the other two women when the woman in black spots them. She leaves the side of her friend and walks towards the pair.
“Hello, Me,” the Doctor says in all seriousness.
“I go by Ashildr now, actually. I know who you are, Doctor. I have done some research.” The Doctor just nods.
“Why is she still with you?” The Doctor quietly demands, tilting her head towards the woman in red, sitting in a gazebo, fiddling with her hands.
“You remember?” The Doctor nods. “But how? … Will you tell her?” The Doctor is silent. She feels a soft squeeze on her hand and cannot help the instinctive smile that creeps back into her eyes.
“You can ask her later,” the Doctor finally speaks.
“She’s trying to not let go,” Ashildr admits. “Of me, of the adventure, of life, of you…”
The Doctor simply nods once more before stepping past Ashildr. Gazing around the park, she finds a small patch of grass with a particularly large number of flowering weeds. Yaz tries to keep her eyes on Ashildr as she walks away, but gets yanked the opposite direction. She looks back at the now jubilant Doctor, who only lets go of her hand to kneel by the flowers and pick out the largest ones.
“What are these for?” Yaz asks in amusement, masking her worry. The Doctor’s mood has always been one to change quickly, but Yaz can sense that something is still off.
“For us!” The Doctor grins, her face lighting up from the familiar warm smile with the scrunched nose and crinkles at the corners of her eyes. She tucks one flower behind her ear like the way she did when she married Yaz’s grandmother. The Doctor motions for Yaz to lean forward, and tucks a second flower behind her ear. Yaz smiles, then notices one last flower poking out of one of the Doctor’s pockets.
“Is that for-” the Doctor simply nods, her cheery facade fading away.
“I’m not gonna pretend like I know whatever is going on here,” Yaz starts, “but I’m here for you. You’re not alone.” She looks down at their hands, mere inches apart. The Doctor reaches her fingertips, inviting Yaz’s touch. Yaz slowly interlaces their fingers. The Doctor has held her hand before, but always when running through danger. Never in a moment of quiet. Yaz can feel the heat rising in her cheeks, which only grows when she sees the Doctor’s eyes sparkle in the sunlight.
“Time to face the raven,” The Doctor sighs. The two help each other out and walk towards the gazebo. Yaz can feel the Doctor’s racing pulse in the palm of her hands. So she squeezes, in an act of reassurance and as a vow to not let go.
The woman in red is staring off in the distance. Distracted and afraid. The Doctor knows that look better than anyone.
“Hello ma’am,” she announces, “care for some company?” The woman in red looks up to see the two women. With nothing better to do, she invites them to join her.
“I’m Clara,” she says with a smile. Yaz stays silent, expecting the Doctor to give introductions, as she always does. But the Doctor stays silent.
“My name is Yaz, and this is my,” she looks over at the Doctor. Who is the Doctor to her? Favorite person in the world? Love of her life? She could not say either of those, not in this time for sure, and could barely bring herself to admit it at any time.
“This is my very good friend, the Doctor.” Clara smiles. Yaz can see a glimmer of something in her bright wide eyes. Something between wonder and sorrow.
“A woman doctor, that’s wonderful,” she says in complete sincerity. Yaz looks to the Doctor and squeezes her hand once more.
“Are you alright?” The Doctor finally asks Clara.
“Why do you ask?” The Doctor, unsure how to respond, glances at Yaz.
“She can just tell with these kinds of things,” Yaz explains, not needing to even think through this answer she knows so well. “We travel, the Doctor and I, along with some other friends, and the Doctor everything she can to help people all over.” Clara nods at Yaz’s explanation.
“Sounds like an old friend of mine,” Clara replies fondly.
“I do hope that’s not a bad thing,” the Doctor replies with a quiet sense of worry.
“That friend?” Clara chuckles. “Not this time, at least.” Her smile slowly fades away. Yaz extends a hand in comfort, which Clara takes.
“It’s alright, Clara, we operate under strict Doctor-patient confidentiality.” Both the Doctor and Clara give her an incredulous look but quickly smile.
“Well... I guess there is somewhere I must go,” Clara explains. “And there, something terrible awaits. I’ve been trying to run from it, but… I chose to go there to save this friend of mine, and I can’t just not go back. If I’m being honest?” She lets go of Yaz’s grip and folds her hands on her lap instead. She looks down, away from the two women.
“It’ll be the death of me. And I’m afraid,” she admits quietly.
“I should be quite worried if you weren’t, Miss Clara,” The Doctor assures.
“I know I need to go, but I can’t bring myself there, I’m just… so, scared.” Clara starts to tear up. The Doctor nods with a soft smile.
“Why did you say you are going to this place?” The Doctor asks.
“I’m saving a friend of mine,” Clara sniffs.
“So don’t think about it as going to your end, but going to save this friend, right?” Clara smiles, wiping the tears from her face.
“And as for your fear, don’t waste too much energy trying to get rid of it, because that’ll never work. Remember: your fears are not what define you, but how you choose to act in the face of them.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Clara replies, tearing up once more but with a soft smile. She begins to reach up to the Doctor’s face, but then stops herself and places her hand by her side.
“Well, I guess I’d best be going,” Clara announces, and stands up. “I have a friend to save.”
“Is it the same friend that I remind you of?” The Doctor asks.
“No, a different friend. The friend you remind me of, well… they forgot me a long time ago.” The Doctor tenses.
“That doesn’t sound like a very good friend,” She replies, unable to say what she so desperately wants to.
“It’s not their fault,” Clara admits. “I just hope that they aren’t still alone.” The Doctor sighs. Yaz squeezes her hand once more, reminding her of her presence. Smiling, the doctor looks down at their intertwined hands when she spots the flower she picked earlier.
“Oh, I almost forgot! This is for you,” the Doctor says cheerily, as she grabs the flower with her free hand and extends an open palm to Clara. Clara looks at the Doctor and Yaz, then takes the flower and tucks it behind her ear likewise.
“It suits you,” Yaz chuckles. Clara plays with the flower a bit more and laughs.
“I think it does,” she replies with a sad smile. “Well, it was nice to meet you both, Yaz, Doctor,” she nods at each, and steps out of the gazebo.
“Oh, and one last thing,” the Doctor calls out. Clara stops on her tracks, not looking back.
“That other friend of yours, don’t let them forget you forever. You’re a hell of a person to lose.”
Clara turns back to the Doctor with a look full of kindness and love. “I’ll see what I can do about it,” she smiles and turns away once more, walking towards Ashildr.
“Who was that?” Ashildr asks Clara.
“The Doctor, if you can believe it.”
“Interesting. Does she remember?” Clara’s smile fades away.
“I can’t tell, but... I can just feel there’s a trace of me somewhere. I think… I think I’m ready to return to Gallifrey.” Ashildr places her hand on Clara’s shoulder, and the two walk off.
The Doctor is frozen in shock. A slight smile, but also tears in her eyes. Yaz feels helpless. Still holding the Doctor’s hand, she uses her free hand to gently rub the Doctor’s arm. The Doctor begins to quietly weep.
After a minute, she takes their hands and gently cups Yaz’s face.
“Thank you,” the Doctor finally chokes out.
“Of course,” Yaz smiles, leaning into the Doctor’s touch.
“I don’t think I could have done that alone,” she admits.
“Then you’re lucky I’m here.”
“That is very true,” the Doctor grins. She reaches her other hand to Yaz’s cheek and stands on her toes to place a gentle kiss on Yaz’s forehead.
Yaz walks them to the seats of the gazebo and they sit once more.
“You clearly love Clara,” Yaz says. “In some form or another. And there’s no denying that she loves you too. I mean, you are the friend that she was talking about, right? Not the one she said she was saving, but the other one.” The Doctor can only nod.
“Why didn’t you tell her that you remember?”
“I couldn’t give her a reason to not let go.”
The Doctor leans forward and rests her face in her hands, letting go of Yaz. A heaviness sinks in her hearts, a hopeless emptiness. Yaz just rubs the Doctor’s back, refusing to let a second go by where she does not let the Doctor know that she will always be there. Some of the weight seems to fade away.
“What you did was very brave too,” Yaz adds. “Seeing a friend like that and setting aside your own feelings to help them, even when it hurts.” The Doctor looks up at Yaz, the corners of her lips slowly tugging into a warm smile.
“You should be the one everyone calls the Doctor,” she Yaz laughs. “I love you, by the way,” The Doctor adds. Yaz freezes, almost unable to believe what she is hearing.
“I never told Clara. All those years together… she knew, of course. But I never told her.”
“She still loves you,” Yaz replies. She moves her arm to her lap, feeling a bit small for what she is about to say.
“As do I.” The Doctor smiles at the amazing woman before her. Taking her hands, the Doctor brings them to her face and kisses Yaz’s knuckles. Yaz glances at the Doctor. She can feel her smile on her knuckles and see it just as clearly in her eyes. Of all the things people do for the ones they love, after everything that the Doctor has risked and sacrificed for everyone she has loved, she almost forgot the most special thing of all: simply being together.