Chapter Text
One more night. Tossing and turning, mind blank and overwhelmed at the same time. Taehyung’s been like this since he was little, but it’s become much worse lately.
He hears Hoseok peacefully breathing his dreams away and opens his eyes to the darkness of their room. As always, his roommate maintains a perfect sleep pattern. He envies him, how the elder won’t wake up with anything. Not even if there was an actual concert taking place in their room. Whereas Taehyung is just.... awake .
He breathes in and out slowly, just like his doctor taught him years ago, when he was still a teenager, scared from the sleepless nights he kept on having.
It’s always the same. Going to bed in hopes of having some hours of uninterrupted sleep, only to wake up around 3-4AM. Every night.
Today is no different, Taehyung confirms as he stares at the screen of his cellphone. 3.55AM. He puts an arm on top of his eyes, trying to regulate his breathing pattern. It’s hopeless.
After what feels like a couple hours, but what he knows from practice must only be around 45min of desperation, he wonders if he should just give up, but it’s only ten minutes later that he finally stands up and makes his way to the kitchen.
Since Jimin moved, he knows there won’t be any camomile tea waiting for him. He sighs, shaking his head slowly. He misses his best friend.
He uses his phone’s flashlight to lead him, too lazy to turn on the light and not wanting to signal to his brain that he should be awake. On the way to the kitchen he looks at the vacant room and peers inside, thinking only for a second before daring to turn on the light. It’s the smaller room of the house, but Jimin had made that space his own in the time he lived there. It once had bits of his memories adorning the walls, small figurines by the tiny window, framed photos on the desk. Now, it’s just a bed and a table that lost all the familiarity that they once possessed when they were Jimin’s. Now, it looks just like any room, abandoned and lonely. Maybe a bit like Taehyung. He turns off the light and closes the door slowly, careful not to wake his roommates, feeling his chest tighten a bit.
Going back to using his phone’s flashlight to make sure he doesn’t break a glass while trying to drink some water, he feels it vibrate on his hand. It’s strange, no one should be texting him this late.
Jiminie: Hi Taehyungie... I hope you’re asleep. It’s dawn here and when I saw the time I thought of you. It’s your worst hour of your nights, hope you’re doing fine. Miss you and the guys. Xx
Taehyung’s heart almost aches with the fondness he feels for his best friend. There’s no one that knows him better than Jimin. He fights the urge to reply begging for him to come back and cuddle with him in bed. It’s not fair, he truly wants what’s best for Jimin and he knows the internship his friend took is a once in a lifetime opportunity. He has to do his best to support him, no matter how much he misses him.
Tae: Jiminie! Thank you for always having me in your thoughts. :) we miss you too! Lots! it’s all okay, I‘m drinking some water and I bet Hobi’s heavy breathing will help me fall asleep again
Jiminie: oh Taetae I wish you were asleep! Please try to follow his breathing as we talked, and text me if you’re still up in an hour ok? I’ll be here
Tae: don’t worry Jiminie! You have to get ready to leave, I know you’re still not at ease in the company. I’ll be fine! Thank you so much. I wish you the bestest of luck!
Jiminie : have strength Taehyungie! I’ll talk to you soon
Jimin's words make his chest ache, but at the same time are able to comfort and soothe him. He truly feels connected to his best friend. It’s good to have someone like Jimin in his life.
———
Taehyung arrives home late after a party. It was just like any other, full of people, loud music, spent surrounded by friends and alcohol. He’s practically sober tonight though. He didn’t feel like being inebriated, he misses Jimin and he’s feeling a certain kind of lost and lonely, he’s sure he would end up calling him mindlessly if he ventured into partying to much.
He gets into his room and sighs when he sees his roommate already asleep. There’s no way he’s going to be able to sleep tonight, but he still has to try. He wonders if he should have drunk more after all, but is quick to shake off the thought, knowing that often alcohol ends up making him feel more hyper, especially when he drinks it this late into the night.
After brushing his teeth, he carefully changes into his pajamas and climbs up the stairs into his mezzanine. His feet are silent against the wood, but he’s well aware he doesn’t have to be quiet. It’s not like Hoseok would wake up.
Curled up on his blankets, he closes his eyes. He feels something inside him grow darker. He isn’t sure if it’s the promise of a sleepless night or something else, but somehow it feels like it isn’t just the insomnia. He feels lonely.
He’s been surrounded by friends all night long, he lives with some of his closest friends, he’s a social person all around really, always making new plans, never having trouble with finding people to hang out with him. And he knows he’s good company, he’s aware of that, he knows that’s one of the reasons why people text and call him so much. But still, there’s a lonely feeling inside of him that he can’t seem to shake off.
And it isn’t just because of Jimin. He knows his friend’s absence has been taking a toll on him, maybe even more than he anticipated, but it isn’t that. Sometimes he just feels like this, lost, lonely, pathetic. It makes him feel annoyed. He’s surrounded by people the majority of his time, and he’s alone now by choice. It wouldn’t be difficult for him to call someone, he knows there is more than one person who would be there in a minute. But he doesn’t feel like it. He doesn’t want company, and yet he feels lonely. The feeling confuses him, no matter how familiar it is by now. He feels like he has no right to feel this way.
He exhales slowly. Now isn’t the time to dwell on negative feelings. He should really try to relax and see if he can sleep.
He picks up his headphones, resting on his bedside table, and puts them on, choosing a playlist he made specifically for this purpose. Listening to calm music usually helps him, gentle melodies, soothing voices, making it easier for his mind to drift into nothingness. He seems to be specially drawn to certain kinds of voices by a handful of artists. Mellow, soft voices lulling him and soothing his breathing.
He closes his eyes, concentrating on the music while he controls his breathing. Slowly, in and out, letting himself get lost. He knows for a fact he’s around the 18th song on his playlist when he finally falls asleep.
Jeongguk feels so stupid.
He’s standing in the middle of the street with a backpack half his size on his back, a trolley on one hand, and a phone on the other with his maps app open, supposedly showing him the way to the house that’s about to become his temporary home. What a sight he must be.
The sun hurts his eyes as he adjusts his cap with the hand that holds the phone, exasperated because he hates crowds, and he can’t even count the people that have been running past him anymore, going to the metro station, or on the way to pick up their kids or to the grocery. There’s also bicycles everywhere and he’s pretty sure he’s almost got run over by at least two so far.
He thinks of the conversation he had with Jimin upon agreeing on moving to a bigger city. “ It will be the best for you Guk, you have a real talent, you shouldn’t waste it” . Jeongguk didn’t think he was that talented, but he had tried to learn everything on his own already, so he knew he wasn’t going anywhere in digital drawing and animation without proper training, without really learning from someone. So, he had agreed.
To say that he was feeling regretful now would be an understatement. Jimin always makes things sound much easier, he always has, ever since they were children, meeting outside their neighbor’s private garden to break in to take a dip in their pool. Jimin had also made a strong point at the time, even if their mothers hadn’t seen it that way after they were caught.
Now he’s here, in the middle of an unknown city, without much curiosity for it, no energy to match the hundreds of people that are quite literally running around him. He really, desperately, needs the GPS on his phone to work effectively so he can arrive as quickly as he can to the house.
It’s not an easy travel, it’s no joke to carry luggage alone in buses with no free seats and through subway stations full of stairs, but he finally gets there. Finally .
He looks at the photo Jimin sent him of the small gate that leads to the building, comparing it to the image in front of him. When he’s convinced enough that he is in the right place, he promptly rings the bell, maybe a little bit more insistently than necessary. He really needs to just throw himself into a bed, he doesn’t even care which one anymore. He doesn’t even know how he’s going to make small talk with the other people in the house, his new roommates apparently.
To be honest, Jeongguk isn’t used to the idea of moving yet. Everything feels like it’s happening too fast, too quick. Barely two months ago he didn’t know what he was going to do with his life, opting for closing himself in his room drawing story after story and perfecting new skills. Damn Jimin for sending his application and portfolio to the university without his knowledge.
Yes, maybe looking at the bigger picture, he’s actually quite thankful. He’s just not yet able to grasp the gratitude just now.
The door finally buzzes his way in and it’s only when he’s on the elevator that he really understands that he’s meeting new people in a few instants. He’s just seconds away, and he’s not in the least ready. He gazes at his reflection on the elevator’s mirror. He looks like shit, dirt everywhere from the trip, sweat pouring down his face and back. He feels even less prepared than usual for human interaction. He’s not entirely sure that he’s going to be able to be a communicative person at all. Fuck.
“You must be Jeongguk!”
The door opens without him even noticing, When did he get there? Damn. There’s a tall man by the door, glasses on his face and a kind diplomatic smile. Jeongguk composes himself the best he can, and wordlessly nods.
“Hi, I’m Kim Namjoon. Welcome, welcome” the man, Namjoon, moves aside making way for Jeongguk to enter the house, which is not easy with his bags, since the door opens to a lengthy but narrow corridor. Along the walls there’s photos and post-its everywhere, and Jeongguk can spot Jimin on some of the photos, he can also read some papers where he realizes are scribbled little jokes. He immediately feels out of place. These are Jimin’s friends, Jimin’s home, he doesn’t want to impose his presence. He reminds himself that this is temporary, that it’s just until he can find a good room, that Jimin will come back after some months. But as he glances to the rest of the walls, he’s not able to shake off the feeling of being an unwelcome plus.
Namjoon cough turns his mind back to reality.
“So, you’re going to stay on Jimin’s room for the time being, as you know, right?” Jeongguk nods, looking around. Namjoon starts to walk in the direction of the doors as he keeps explaining “Hoseok already arranged the room for you. He and Jimin took out his things, so that you are able to call it your own for now”
“But it’s not,” Jeongguk mutters, noticing just now that those are the first words coming out of his mouth since arriving. Namjoon looks at him with furrowed brows, but in a second his expression changes to a softer one.
“I’m sure you know that it was Jimin who insisted that you stayed here” Namjoon grabs the handle of Jeongguk’s trolley and looks at him, to see if it’s okay to help. Jeongguk gives a short bow, internally he thinks he would give so much money just to have some kind of help with the luggage. “And we were all in favour, it was a unanimous decision and we’re glad to welcome you aboard” Namjoon smiles, politely and friendly at the same time, and seeing as Jeongguk barely reacts, he bows to him and asks to be followed.
“So, Jimin tells us that you’re amazing at what you do” Namjoon says, conversationally as he starts to walk through the long corridor. He’s doing small talk now, and Jeongguk isn’t great at this, but he knows he has to at least try. He’s going to live with these people after all.
“I think I’m okay, I want to get better” he tries a smile, and from Namjoon’s reaction he might have succeeded. They arrive at the end of the corridor leading to the kitchen. Jeongguk takes a peek inside, it has a little island in the middle, with some high chairs around it. No more than 4 people could sit there, and the space would be tight, but Jeongguk likes it. The kitchen itself is very well illuminated, cabinets filled with stickers and random words written in sharpies, stories to tell.
“This is yours and Jimin’s room” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk notices how he added Jimin’s name, appreciating the gesture. He opens a door and Jeongguk looks inside. He likes it, it’s small and simple, there’s not much space for things but there’s enough for him to feel comfortable and the bed is big. He quickly puts his bags inside with Namjoon’s help, and eyes the bed longingly. He thinks it might have been obvious, because next thing he knows, Namjoon is making his way out of the room.
“I’ll leave you to rest for a bit” he says, and Jeongguk exhales thankfully, trying not to make it too obvious how relieved he is to have some time alone “Hoseok and Taehyung aren’t here yet, but if you need something my bedroom is the one across from yours”
Jeongguk nods, his mind lingering for a second on the unfamiliar names. He knows next to nothing about his other two new housemates, since he usually doesn’t talk about Jimin’s friends with him. Namjoon seems alright so far though, and so he smiles as he replies “Thank you”
Namjoon excuses himself with a kind smile as he shuts the door, and Jeongguk drifts off to sleep within the next minutes.
———
When Jeongguk wakes up it takes a moment for him to gather his surroundings, looking around the room and the unfamiliar bed he’s in. His body is stiff and tired, and as soon as he’s oriented, he blesses Jimin for choosing this mattress because it’s comfy as hell. He turns to the other side, planning to sleep some more, when he hears someone knocking on his door. He frowns. Guess he’ll have to get used to living with other people now.
“Hey, Jeongguk” he hears Namjoon’s voice over the door, recognising the low tone easily “Are you alright? Hoseok made dinner and they would like to meet you!” Namjoon seems more excited than Jeongguk at the prospect of meeting the new housemates “We would also like to go over the house rules with you” a pause, Jeongguk wonders if he should respond, but he stays silent “Is that okay?”
Jeongguk stretches himself. Namjoon has been kind enough, supporting his broodiest side, and he should do his part, try to contribute so they all can live around each other the best they can.
“Hm” good start Jeongguk “Yeah, that’s okay, give me five?”
The tone on Namjoon’s voice quickly becomes more cheery “Of course! Meet us on the living room!”
Jeongguk nods, even though the other can’t see him, and quickly changes clothes throwing on some cleaner ones, just a white t-shirt and ripped jeans. He gets out of his room, wondering which door connects to the living room. In the end, he just follows the smell of food. It actually smells amazing, making his stomach rumble.
The living room is spacious enough, it has two couches in L formation and a simple dark table in the middle with controllers for the TV and at least two consoles (Jeongguk recognises a PS and Xbox right away and smiles to himself). The television is certainly a priority, because it’s one of the newest models, even though the rest of the house isn’t all that modern or expensive. There’s photos and posters on the walls, decorated with stickers from movies, games, festivals, and photos of said festivals and parties, just like in the corridor. Shared moments. There’s a huge table (maybe too big for the size of the room to be honest) on the other side, half of it full of organised piles of books and papers, at least 2 computers, and open snacks littered around. The other half has a tablecloth and 4 plates filled with carbonara. Namjoon is talking to someone with black and messy hair, who’s standing with his back towards Jeongguk, serving water in some glasses. It seems too domestic for a group of college students, but Jeongguk doesn't dislike it. It feels comfortable.
He clears his throat, announcing he’s here.
“Ah!” the black haired man startles and looks around, bottle of water still in hand, and as soon as he sees Jeongguk he smiles from ear to ear “You must be Jeongguk! Welcome!”
“Oh… thank you” Jeongguk actually likes when people smile unprompted. It’s nice, it’s kind to give your smile away “You must be…” he mutters the words without meaning it, since he has no way of knowing if the man who’s still smiling his way is Hoseok or Taehyung. Jimin is pretty close to both of them, he heard some things but nothing in specific, just names lost in stories about his life.
“Hoseok!” the man chants, leaving the bottle on the table to stretch his hand, offering it to Jeongguk “Nice to meet you!”
“Nice to meet you too” Jeongguk shakes his hand, bowing a little “and thanks for the food”
“Oh, of course! You must be starving!” he gestures at one of the seats at the table. Namjoon is already sitting down, smiling his way before taking his phone from his pocket and starting to type. Hoseok continues “Taehyung’s just taking a quick shower, he’ll join us any moment now, but you can start eating!”
Jeongguk can understand immediately that Hoseok’s the one responsible for most of the house. He seems as diplomatic as Namjoon, kind and enthusiastic, and he has an aura that would leave anyone feeling comfortable. Jeongguk feels grateful, that at least two of his three new housemates are leaving him with a good and comfortable first impression. Kudos to Jimin for picking such good friends.
He’s thanking Hoseok for the amazing food (it’s seriously good, Jeongguk should learn a thing or two from him), when he can sense a strong smell of lavender approaching him from behind. He turns, curious, and what he sees leaves him truly stuck in place, staring.
A man, whom Jeongguk acknowledges to be Taehyung, walks in with his hair still wet, white towel around his shoulders as he messily attempts to dry it, and a serious somewhat distant look on his face, distracted enough not to notice Jeongguk staring or Hoseok trying to call him.
“Kim Taehyung!”
The blond man suddenly shifts his attention to Hoseok’s voice, and Jeongguk has to admit, he is very handsome. Objectively speaking, he would be an amazing model. Jeongguk wants to draw him right away, some kind of inspiration consuming him, but it’s not the time nor place, so he keeps it down. Still, the symmetry, the intense look in his eyes, the hair falling on his forehead and standing messily around it. It’s truly a sight.
“I told you so many times not to bring the towel to our living room” Hoseok shakes his head, somehow annoyed, but mostly defeated, he sits down.
“Shit, yeah… sorry Hobi” Taehyung throws the towel on the couch and Hoseok groans loudly, but Jeongguk can see Namjoon smiling while shaking his head. This must be a common practice then.
“Oh, hi!” Taehyung looks at Jeongguk, really looks at him, eyes intense with purpose before his expression changes drastically and he smiles brightly. Wow, what a smile. “You must be Jeongguk!”
“Oh, yeah” Jeongguk stands up and stretches his hand, but Taehyung dismisses it quickly, pushing slightly on his shoulder for him to sit down again. Jeongguk fights the urge not to shake his hand away, for the first time in the evening feeling a little uncomfortable.
“Nice to meet you man” Taehyung plops himself on the chair next to him “Jimin told me a lot about you”
Wait… what ? Jimin didn’t say anything about them to Jeongguk. He thought he was on equal ground, but now he feels kind of lost. Fuck .
“He has?” Jeongguk mutters, trying to keep the feeling of betrayal away from his expression.
“Don’t worry” Taehyung discards right away “all good things, he loves you”
Jeongguk grimaces, playing with his food silently and starting to eat again slowly. He has to talk to Jimin.
“So … Jeongguk, what do you do? Tell us about yourself” Taehyung says around a mouthful of food. Jeongguk should find it disgusting, but the others cheeks puff up, and it’s just endearing. What the hell, it’s not fair. Still, he manages to look somewhat displeased, mostly because he’s really not in the mood for socialising right now. He’s still tired, and honestly a bit moody from the trip. But the rational part of him tells him he really has to try. First impressions and stuff right?
“I’ll be studying graphic design, animation and illustration” He says in a small voice, looking up to Taehyung who seems surprised and impressed. How much has Jimin told him, if not the one and only thing Jeongguk has been studding and obsessing about his whole life?
“That’s… so cool” it’s Hoseok’s voice, who’s nodding to himself as if he totally agrees about what he just said. Jeongguk smiles, his first impression of Hoseok is definitely a positive one. Jury’s still out for Taehyung though, who is just staring wordlessly at him, wide eyes, no words. Until suddenly he speaks, awe evident in his expression.
“Wow… that’s amazing! I wish I had talent like that! Are you going to design games? That would be so cool, oh my god!”
Jeongguk fights a smile that threatens to appear at the others enthusiasm, because he’s pretty enthusiastic about it too.
“Not exactly games, even though I want to design them too” Jeongguk stops himself. Is he really going to explain his passion to a person he met a few minutes ago? No, not yet at least.
Taehyung must recognise the social cue and he doesn't press it, even though his eyes remain curious. At least he doesn’t ask for more, and that’s a solid point in his favour.
The rest of the conversation easily shifts away from him, thankfully, and he learns that Hoseok is majoring in dance, on his last year, that Namjoon is doing his doctorate thesis on philosophy, and by the looks of it, it’s driving him mildly insane, and that Taehyung is doing his masters on Bio Genetic Engineering, having changed courses from Computing Engineering, just because he liked the laboratory better, which leaves Jeongguk seriously surprised. Looking at Taehyung you would never take him as the engineering kind. First impressions are not everything after all.
Jeongguk briefly explains that he did a couple of online courses before actually applying to university, and he can see Namjoon nodding as if that explains why he’s just now, with 23 years old, on his first year. Jeongguk doesn't tell them it was because he never thought about leaving his home, going to another city, all the things he’s doing now.
He was scared, not of being on his own, he’s pretty good at that, he actually enjoys his own company and is used to it, but of not being good enough, scared of the unknown, the competition, of all of it. So initially, he didn’t think it was really necessary to have a degree, he kept on just dreaming small and making plans he could reach on his own. But Jimin was right, this is his passion, he should fight for it. So, he’s trying to be brave.
“Ok, let’s go over the house rules” Hoseok jumps to stand and Jeongguk is pulled out of his thoughts, “Let’s go to the couch, I can go grab the white board while Tae and Joonie take the dishes to the kitchen”
On the back of his mind, Jeongguk knows he should offer his help, but he feels kind of numb, so incredibly tired now, after traveling and using the rest of his energy to socialise, so he moves to the couch and sits by the corner, glued to the side, not yet comfortable in the new environment.
Hoseok stands in front of the TV with a white board (that Jeongguk finds funny and endearing), two different coloured pens in hand as he starts to write on top “Welcome Jeongguk”. Jeongguk smiles shyly, that’s nice, it makes him a little more at ease. Taehyung and Namjoon join them soon enough, Namjoon crosses his leg as he mutters and apology, “Sorry Hobi, I’m here, but I also know the house rules and I have to arrange a meeting with my professor for tomorrow, but carry on, I’ll be listening”
“Of course Joon, don’t worry, do your thing” Hoseok gestures away at his friend who grabs the phone and immediately starts typing again. Jeongguk can clearly see that they are close to each other.
“Hey! I also know the house rules!” Jeongguk looks in Taehyung’s direction. He’s on the other couch, fully pouting (almost kind of… cutely) “Can I be here while I play games then?”
“No” Hoseok tone is firm, no space for arguments “You need to be reminded once in a while”
Taehyung scoffs and looks at Jeongguk shaking his head, as if he’s trying to emulate a ‘don’t listen to him’. Jeongguk almost smiles.
“Okay, let’s start with the basics” Hoseok smiles their way before he turns and starts to write some words down, numerating the rules one by one, explaining how the fridge is organised, how the rotation of cleaning clothes and dishes work, how they divide the money for common groceries, and so on. Jeongguk keeps nodding along wordlessly. It all makes sense so far.
“And obviously you can… like... bring people over” Hoseok continues, writing it down, and Jeongguk almost scoffs at the thought once he understands what he means “Just like… try to warn us, it’s best if you don’t bring random people in the middle of the night” and then Hoseok is turning fully to Taehyung “especially when you’re drunk as shit and don’t seem to really remember you share your room with someone”
Taehyung’s reply is shrinking in his own seat and Jeongguk thinks he caught the implications behind it. No worries on his side though, so he just nods.
Hoseok ends his speech announcing they have a jar in the kitchen where they have to drop money as a “penalization” if they infringe any of the rules. There’s also a list of who’s scolded the most, and Jeongguk learns that Taehyung is first place, not surprisingly (even if he has only known them for a few hours).
All in all, Jeongguk considers them to be rational and acceptable house rules and, as he excuses himself to go to his (and Jimin’s) room, he’s surprised he quite enjoyed his night. At the very least, it was definitely better than he anticipated.
Tae: So, you never told me your friend was hot? A warning sign would be appreciated beforehand, you’re a fake friend
Jimine: My friend? Who? Jeongguk?
Tae: Yes, of course Jeongguk who else
Jiminie: He’s hot?
Tae: What? Do you have eyes? He’s like... built like that?
Jiminie: I dunno, I grew up with him, I honestly never saw him like that
Tae: Oh well, you don’t have eyes after all
Jiminie: Oh, come on
Tae: I always forget you don’t find many people hot. Bummer
Jiminie: That’s… a lie
Tae: Sure.
Jimine: But how did it go with Gukkie? Was he okay?
Tae: What do you mean why wouldn’t he be ok?
Jiminie: Hm, he’s just, peculiar. Especially around people. Please don’t be too much on him
Tae: What do you mean too much? I’m always not enough?
Jiminie: Ahaha! Tae!
Tae: But does he have some problems or… is he from a mafia or something? He did have a heavy expression, he can pull it off though, the sexy mafia style.
Jiminie: Taehyung!!!
Tae: What?!
Jimine: Come on, he’s just a private and reserved person, just… you know...
Tae: I don’t?
Jiminie: Look, it’s fine, just be careful with him
Tae: Uh, I like the Jimin-bigger-brother-figure! It’s fine! You talk as if I don’t know how to be with other people! It’ll be fine don’t worry
Jiminie: I’m not. :)
Tae: Hoseok is calling me, talk later?
Jimine: Is Hoseok ok? He didn’t answer my texts…
Tae: Hum? He’s ok, of course. I’ll tell him to reply to you
Jimine: No! No no, don’t do that
Tae: Why? He must’ve forgotten
Jimine: I don’t think he did. It’s fine
Tae: Little lost, but I know when not to push because.... I’m great at dealing with people :D
Jiminie: Ahah! Go away! Love u
Tae: Love you Jiminie, miss you, TTL
Jimine: Miss you too ♥️
Taehyung smiles at his cellphone’s screen, before locking it. He’s gradually more aware of the fact that something is going on between Jimin and Hoseok. They seem annoyed with each other and Taehyung can’t understand why. Hoseok is his usual self though, keeps his dance practices, his classes and his chores, sleeps and eats well, but something about him seems off. And now Jimin with his dubious messages… Something’s off, he’s been wondering about it for the past month or so that Jimin’s been away. Part of him wants to know what happened, but mostly he knows how to respect his friends, and Jimin knows he can count on him for what is’s worth. Weeks end up passing and things remain the same with them, so he puts the thought on the back of his mind.
Taehyung’s emptying the dishwasher and hating every minute of it. Maybe he should be glad to have a dishwasher, because a couple of years ago they had to wash all their dishes by hand. He groans just remembering it. He hates to do chores, he’s almost always too tired and his body hurts because of the lack of rest, and if he’s honest, it’s just dull. He wonders if he could delegate some of the things to the newbie Jeongguk, wonders if he could trade chores with him just like he did with Jimin (bless his best friend).
After a few weeks of living together, Taehyung thinks that the kid is, indeed, somewhat weird, in a distant kind of way. He passes his days in his room, having built some kind of fort there with columns, two laptops and technical stuff Taehyung supposes people use to design.
He wouldn’t admit it, but one day, while Jeongguk was away for his classes, Taehyung went into his room and just... looked around.
He found out that Jeongguk was really organised, everything was tidy and in place, so much so that Taehyung almost wasn’t able to gather any information with fear of being found out for his crime.
He couldn’t see anything truly personal on the walls - the same walls that had photos before and the same shelves that used to have tons of Jimin’s books a few months ago were now barren. There were some papers around, mostly stuff from school and unimportant mail, but besides that, nothing. All Taehyung could gather was that he liked music and to draw. Which wasn’t much, not at all. So, Taehyung categorised the younger as a mystery.
And mysteries are meant to be solved, right?
That night Taehyung struggles. He really struggles hard.
In the last few weeks, there have been some days that he can’t even fall asleep to begin with. This is new, since Taehyung’s insomnia is usually mainly active in the middle of the night, after he sleeps for at least two to three hours, even on the days he has some difficulty in falling asleep to begin with, he ends up sleeping some time. It has been this way for a long time, but nowadays he finds himself counting hours instead of minutes to fall asleep, often not managing to do it at all.
He’s consumed with negative thoughts, dark emotions, and he doesn't know where they are coming from, but here he is.
Everyone’s already asleep, he feels the weight of the silence in the house, but he’s still wide awake. He gives up, sitting himself on his bed, not understanding why he’s still holding onto a day that has already passed.
Most days are good days. Most days are filled with laughter and joy, friends and life. He likes what he’s studying and he’s a good student. His studies come easily to him, at least that’s good. He has great family as well, always supporting and texting him, reminders that he is loved and appreciated. He has a lot of friends too, always having company to do anything he feels like. Lunch with Seojoon and Hyunsik, helping Yoona with her studies, helping Kibum with moving, or with music or whatever he wants, because it seems like it’s always changing. Going to classes, and gossip with Dahyun, arriving home to have dinner with his roommates and friends, going out, as always, with Jeonghan, Sungjae, Sojung and Nayeon.
These are his days, full, complete.
He makes friends easily, always expanding his social network, always meeting new people at parties, clubs, simple cafes. Sungjae’s always joking that he doesn’t even need to be a frat boy to crash into every party and social gathering possible. That’s Taehyung’s life. He enjoys the nightlife, but he also enjoys the afternoons in the cafe with friends talking about anything and nothing. He has lots of groups where he fits in effortlessly. He’s close to all of them and he genuinely knows they like him.
But, no matter how much he denies it, and even if some days are better than others, he feels alone. In the dark, that feeling grows and it becomes harder to hide, no reason to fake, the walls closing in on him and he feels like a lonely boy wandering around in a vast space. He feels lost.
Jimin though. Jimin’s the one person he let in past the social walls he puts up. Jimin knows him better than anyone, he sees the good and the bad in Taehyung and he holds his hand through it. Without Jimin, it’s harder. He doesn’t have that kind of relationship with other people, the kind of relationship that involves showing the most vulnerable side of him, all of the things that usually remain hidden, his truth.
Sure, they love to hear Taehyung talk, but not about how lost he feels in a life that seems perfect to others.
Every time he even tries to get more serious or personal, people dismiss him. Taehyung often wonders if people realise he’s as insecure and vulnerable as anyone else. Just because they see the cheery and gleeful side of Taehyung, that doesn't mean he doesn’t falter, doesn't mean he’s not susceptible to failure and to feeling sad and hopeless sometimes.
Maybe, to them, Taehyung is the cheery friend. The one who makes them laugh, who pulls others in, the one who smiles and pulls through, the one who offers a shoulder, offers a ride, offers some help.
All in all, he really likes his friends. He also likes to feel needed and liked, so he doesn’t mind that much.
Jeongguk found out that he likes to work in his new room. Somehow, and he doesn't know exactly why, but he gets inspired for hours on end. He’s being more productive lately than in the past months by himself at home, and he embraces it fully.
Beginning college is easier than what he anticipated too. He thought it would be more difficult to be on his own, since every time he hears about college life it’s all about parties and friends. He feels like people neglect to tell that in university you really learn a lot. If you’re there to learn that is, of course.
In the last few weeks alone, Jeongguk grasped full new concepts and explored views that he never found on his own when he was around the internet. He’s been enjoying every little detail and it’s inspiring him greatly, he comes home full of ideas bouncing in his head, new ways to improve, things he wants to try.
He’s been working long hours and sometimes even through the night, his mind asking to be expanded. He loves new challenges, thrives on them, he’s always pushing himself to do better, know further, try more. It’s good, it’s thrilling.
Living with other people in the house also proves to be easier than he’d anticipated. They have been good roommates, always following the rules of the house and well organised when it comes to chores. Hoseok’s very nice, answering every question, sometimes even before Jeongguk says anything, and Namjoon too, always diplomatic, always knowing what to say. Jeongguk finds that he actually admires them. Taehyung… well, he’s more of a mystery, and maybe just a bit of a hot mess, but not too much.
Jeongguk appreciates them mostly because they respect the privacy of his room. They leave him alone, don’t push too much when he says he doesn't want to have dinner, and don't insist when he says he doesn’t want to hang. They just let him be, which is golden for him.
He loves the feeling of working alone, completely lost in his own world. Right now, he’s taking advantage of the fact that it’s Saturday and his roommates are away, out in parties or sleeping over at friends or family, to use his bluetooth columns to listen to music, losing himself in the harmonies. With his drawing pad in hand, he hums lightly while he brings colours to an animation he’s been working on lately for one of his classes. He loves to work late, and today he has all night.
A loud crash pulls Jeongguk away from his thoughts, away from his work, and he frowns. What the fuck is going on? He thought he had this night to himself.
He stays put, wondering if the music masked some noise from his neighbours or if it really was in their house, but as soon as he hears a door slamming open he knows it’s their bathroom door without mistake.
He continues to work, turning off the music so he can stay alert and try to understand what’s going on. There’s a sound of weight plopping on the floor and then silence. He paints at least two more frames and he doesn’t hear any more sounds, so he gets up slowly and open his door to see what’s happening.
Jeongguk guesses he should be surprised to see Taehyung laying on the cold floor of the bathroom, but he’s not. His hair is messed up, sweat covering his fringe as he lies in a foetus position. He seems to have fallen asleep on the floor and the air reeks of alcohol. Jeongguk makes a disgusted face, he doesn't need this right now.
He stares at Taehyung. Even all messed up, he still looks beautiful. But in this unguarded state, he looks smaller, detached, so different from the Taehyung he sees daily, cheerful, loud and with a big presence.
“Hey” Jeongguk tries to be gentle when he touches the other, his voice light “Wake up Taehyung”
The blond hums without moving. He doesn't even opens his eyes, so Jeongguk tries to call his name again.
“Taehyung… you’re on the bathroom floor, come on” Jeongguk tries to slowly shake him, but to no avail. Taehyung body is heavy as he mumbles something, dismissing what was said. Jeongguk sighs. He has little to no patience for drunk people, but still, the image of Taehyung like this does something to his chest, and he’s not able to ignore him.
After a few minutes pondering on what he should do, Jeongguk sighs and decides, against his better judgement, to place his arms around his almost unconscious housemate. When he lifts him up, Taehyung moves around in his arms, settling himself more comfortably and sighing deeply, as if Jeongguk’s embrace gave him some ease.
With some struggle, Jeongguk carries Taehyung to his room, securing him in a bridal style position while he kicks the door to the empty room open.
He swears under his breath when he realizes that Taehyung’s bed is up some very slim wooden stairs. There’s no way he can carry him up those stairs. Fuck .
Taehyung tightens the hold around him, snuggling into his neck, and Jeongguk freezes for a bit, not used to having someone so close to him, and certainly not familiar with such an intimate action in a while. He reminds himself that Taehyung is just yearning for comfort after what he assumes to be a rough night, and he wonders what would be the best plan of action.
Dropping Taehyung in Hoseok's bed doesn't seem to be the best strategy. Even though he hasn’t known the others for that long, he already knows enough to be sure Hoseok likes his things neat, clean, and organised. The total opposite of a drunk and sleepy Taehyung, still on his day clothes and smelling of alcohol. Plus, he believes he’ll be home soon since he was just grabbing a beer with some friends, and will want to sleep in his own bed. Whereas Jeongguk was planning on working at least for some more hours. Maybe enough hours for Taehyung to sleep a bit and wake up conscious enough to climb the damn stairs.
After what seems to be his hundredth sigh on the last new minutes, Jeongguk turns around, with a very warm and snuggly Taehyung in his arms, and walks to his own room, placing Taehyung on his bed as gently as he can. As he’s retreating his arms from around him, he feels Taehyung’s slender fingers curl around his wrist.
“No…” his voice is so small, so different from his normal voice “don’t leave me”
Jeongguk looks at the other. Taehyung’s still has his eyes closed, so he assumes he doesn't really know who’s with him, and that somehow makes Jeongguk’s heart constrict even more.
“It’s okay, you’re not alone” Jeongguk finds himself saying, and in part he knows he only says this because he’s certain Taehyung’s not going to remember any of it. He just seems to need some comfort right now, and honestly Jeongguk just wants him to sleep comfortably so he can get back to work.
“‘m always alone”. Now this . This Jeongguk wasn’t expecting. Taehyung is very much never alone. He’s incredibly social, always going out or even receiving friends in his room to play games and whatnot. His heart hurts just a bit, because somehow he feels he understands, on a weird emotional level.
“I’m here” he says. Small, tight. But not as tight as Taehyung wraps his hand around his wrist, mumbling the word “stay” oven and over in a dazed-off state. Jeongguk can’t stay. He needs to work. But Taehyung’s touch is so firm it almost feels desperate, and Jeongguk does have a heart, even though he doesn't show it often.
“Okay” he mutters, words barely there “Just let me grab my iPad” he tries to pry Taehyung hand away from him but the others grasp tightens “I’ll be back, I swear”
That seems to work as Taehyung reluctantly loosens the strength of his fingers, allowing Jeongguk to finally approach his unfinished work. He grabs his headphones and his iPad pro (thank you Jimin, thank you iCloud) and goes to his own bed, where Taehyung is now comfortably laying on his side, hands tightly gripping around his own shirt. Jeongguk’s browns furrow at the sight. This whole situation seems right out of a parallel universe, showing a very different Taehyung comparing the one he has gotten to know since moving in.
He carefully aligns himself, seating next to Taehyung’s body, but not close enough to touch him, his back against the bed frame. He’s grateful for having a big enough bed to accommodate two bodies, even though his room isn’t that spacious.
Taehyung, however, seems to have other ideas, grabbing Jeongguk’s legs just as he was bending his knees. Jeongguk’s first impulse is to gently swat his hands away, not being used to someone sharing such a tight space with him, being so close. But something in Taehyung’s relaxed expression stops him. He seems peaceful at last, and Jeongguk thinks that maybe it’s not that bad to offer him some human contact, if it seems to help that much.
Jeongguk spends a couple of minutes adjusting things to get comfortable in his new and foreign position, before he starts working on his iPad, continuing the work he had been doing. He doesn't think he has ever been like this with anyone in his life. The warmth that radiates from Taehyung is unfamiliar, but somehow makes him feel at ease.
After a while, Taehyung moves slightly to accommodate himself, hugging Jeongguk’s leg with a satisfied expression on his face. Jeongguk dares enough to really look at him. Taehyung is beautiful, even while sleeping, lips ajar and long eyelashes falling on his cheeks, exhaling slowly and rhythmically. He’s still in his daily clothes, even though he managed to take off his shoes before collapsing. Jeongguk thought briefly about asking him to change to make sure he was more comfortable, but opted otherwise when he understood the situation. He wasn’t going to change Taehyung. There’s limits.
The sound of the front door opening jolts him out of his reverie. He moves his gaze from the iPad on his knees as he tries to guess which one of his other roommates arrived home. It’s way into the night now, but Jeongguk wonders if he should ask for help with Taehyung. The thought dissipates when he hears the slurred steps from the other side of the house, indicating that whoever arrived is tired as hell, and doesn't need the hassle of handling a collapsed and sleepy Taehyung. Jeongguk resigns himself to the problem at hand once more, as he resumes his work.
Eventually Taehyung starts to stir next to him, and Jeongguk understands in a horrified instant that the other is waking up. Looking at the time, 4.30AM in the morning, Jeongguk finds out that he has been working non-stop for at least four hours. Usually he needs to take a break. He pats himself on the back for being so productive, even in the middle of this surprising night.
“Where…” Taehyung trails off, one eye opening and adjusting to the small light Jeongguk left open on the bedside table.
“Hey Taehyung, how are you feeling? You kind of collapsed on the bathroom floor” Jeongguk explains without moving as the other pushes himself to a seating position.
“Fuck…” Taehyung looks at him, one eye opened more than the other in his sleepy stance “Jeongguk, I’m so sorry” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands.
“It’s fine, at least you slept well” Jeongguk says, standing up and putting his iPad charging on the desk.
Taehyung scoffs and mumbles a “how ironic” as he starts to get up. He looks so tired in the dim light, Jeongguk has half a mind to ask him to lie down and sleep some more. Of course he doesn’t though.
“Hey Jeongguk hm…” Taehyung starts when he stops by the doorframe “thank you, really. Sorry I ruined your night, you’d probably be asleep by now if it wasn’t for me occupying your bed. I’m sorry”
Jeongguk shakes his head, gesturing with his hand in front of him dismissively “Nah, I had to work either way”
“Great, I…” Taehyung shuffles around, fidgeting with his shirt “I’m sorry again, I really blacked out”
“It’s okay” Jeongguk answers, now becoming increasingly more anxious. He sits at his desk and looks at his computer’s screen, starting to save some documents.
Taehyung looks at him with wide eyes, until he thanks him once again and bids him goodnight.
Jeongguk stands in front of the computer, looking at nothing in specific for a long time before going to bed.