Chapter Text
It had been a long time since they were here like this. Mark fidgeted a little in his seat, wishing for the millionth time that he could read Jackson's mind right now. They were sitting at their old table, and it all felt too familiar for comfort. The food was steaming hot in front of them but neither touched a thing. If he had to be honest, choosing this place to do a VLive had been both easy and hard. The most precious memories he had of predebut and debut days had been right here, with Jackson. But coming back also meant remembering the fact that for years they had not been together, in that way. Were they even proper exes? Mark didn't know.
- They should be here any minute now - Jackson said, checking his phone. They were waiting for the other members to arrive before they started filming. Mark was grateful for the little window of adjustment.
- Do you... have any idea of what you wanna talk about? - he asked softly, just to make conversation. He knew that Jackson didn't have any problem talking to him while the cameras were on. It was when they were off that the problems usually started.
- Why? - Jackson asked looking down - You nervous? - Mark faked a laugh.
- Maybe you should be nervous. I could tell everyone about the amount of times you made me pay for food when you forgot- He said, motioning air quotes -your wallet. -
- You know I only said that so I could get you to eat with me - Jackson said with a little smile.
Mark felt something stirring inside his chest. Suddenly he was attacked by memories of being at that same table with Jackson, years and years ago, ass o'clock in the morning, tired, hungry, sleepy, but always happy. They came late after rehearsal so the place would be empty of customers (and other members) and they could do clingy things like hold hands and feed each other. There were some kisses too. He remembered those.
- I would've eaten with you regardless - He said, looking away. This place was making a mess of him, and the conversation with Jackson was creating a knot in his throat that he didn't appreciate. Jackson just chuckled quietly.
- We were here more than at home sometimes - It was true. They came every day without fail and stayed far longer than necessary. It was an oasis, a little haven in between their hectic trainee lives. A blessing.
They went quiet after that. Mark didn't really know how to navigate the feeling of being back here with Jackson again. He could feel how their thighs pressed together under the table and the contact burned at his skin.
They had just been a couple of kids, really. Foreign kids, with a dream. Who found solace in each other, took care of each other, and maybe fell in love in the process. Or at least Mark did. He could never be sure with Jackson, but he wanted to believe he had, too. Actually, he was choosing to believe that everything that had happened in the four walls of that restaurant had been equally special for the both of them.
He was lost in thought when he felt that Jackson's hand dropped tentatively to his knee, squeezing a little before staying there. Although he was used to being physically close to Jackson in front of the cameras, moments like this that belonged only to the two of them were rare lately. Mark turned to Jackson in surprise, half expecting a smile, or a mocking gesture, to be there in his face. Instead he was confronted with a sad, apologetic look that he hadn't seen in a very long time. Not since...
- Being here, is kinda making me go a little nuts - Jackson admitted, interrupting his thoughts again. He was trying to smile. Mark appreciated that - I keep thinking about the last time we were here, and what I said and ... -
- Jackson, it's okay, really - And it was at least, a half truth. Although it had taken Mark years to be able to be okay with not being with Jackson, the last two or three hadn't been so bad. Mark didn't even remember the last time he cried about him, and he considered that a win.
- I know it's silly, but I just wanna tell you that I was really happy here - The younger started, nodding with a solemn expression - With you. I mean, also with, like, the others... I guess - He was stuttering. Mark was trying real hard not to be affected - But especially with you - Jackson ended with a sigh, like he regretted the way it had came out.
He couldn't contain the warm smile that crept up on face. So it wasn't just him. They really had been happy there. Mark didn't imagine it. With that sudden confirmation, he got brave enough to put his hand on top of Jackson's, reciprocating the affection. Mark had worked really hard not to stay bitter and distant after Jackson broke his heart, never holding it against the younger. It had taken everything in him to start looking at Jackson as a member and a friend, not the love of his life. Which he still kind of was, and would probably always be. Mark felt a bit sick at the realization.
- Remember when we almost got banned from here - Jackson said with a smile on his face, hand moving to intertwine his fingers with Mark's, absentmindedly, like it was the most natural thing in the world. The gesture made his heart skip several beats - Auntie was so mad, it was hilarious. - He said, amused.
- I told you the bathrooms didn't have a lock - Mark laughed, his mind foggy with the memories of that day, so long ago.
- Worth it. - Jackson said, with a grin.
It really had been. They were caught making out in the tiny bathroom at 4 in the morning by a very annoyed Auntie. They had been a steamy mess of limbs and pulled up shirts when she found them, all tangled up in each other. They had laughed about it on the way back to the dorm, stopping every once in while to sneak in a kiss. It had all felt so simple then.
- I see them, they're here - He said looking at the door. Yugyeom and Jaebum were approaching the little restaurant with the film crew. Jackson's hand slipped away from his, leaving him grasping at his own knee. He fisted his hand and cleared his throat. He closed his eyes for a minute, and with a smile on his face he welcomed the members. This was gonna be harder than he thought, but he would get through it.