Chapter Text
Kunikida grumbled angrily, sitting across his friend/coworker Katai.
“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad!”
“Of course it’s that bad! This is a disgrace to all of my years working as a bodyguard!”
Katai smiled. “Well, at least he’s cute?”
Kunikida threw his napkin at him.
Kunikida was known as the best bodyguard at his agency. He was calculating, meticulous, and had incredible focus.
He had protected royals, politicians, and some of the most important people in the world.
So when he was assigned to protect Dazai Osamu, the famous actor who pulled off crazy stunts, had dated almost every actress in Hollywood, and was known for slacking off, it was an insult to everything Kunikida had worked for.
“Kunikida, I think you’re overreacting,” Katai tried to calm him.
“Katai, I’ve put my life on the line happily for people who are going to change the world, but Dazai Osamu? He’s nothing but a lazy playboy! How much danger can he be in anyway?”
Katai picked up the folder sitting between them.”According to this, a lot. He’s been threatened by the most dangerous mafia in California, and he’s received several alarming letters,” he said.
Kunikida rolled his eyes. “FIne, he’s in danger. But why me?”
“Because you’re the best of the best and the agency needs more money?”
Kunikida sighed, rubbing his forehead. “If I protect him, can you harass the investigators to rush this so I can get back to protecting the people who really need it?”
Katai nodded, and pushed the wine in the middle towards Kunikida. He was going to need it.
The day Kunikida headed to Dazai’s house (mansion), he had loaded himself up on caffeine to deal with the crazy actor.
“Maybe he’s not as crazy as the tabloids make him out to be,” Kunikida muttered to himself.
Once he got past the gates though, he knew they were correct.
Dazai was sitting in his yard, reading a book.
“Sluggg why don’t you get me some more lemonade?”
“For the last time, I am not a slug and ask your damn maid to get it for you!”
“But you’re my dog! Or should I say, my bitch?”
The red-haired man Dazai seemed to be talking to looked ready to strangle him, and honestly Kunikida couldn’t blame him.
He cleared his throat, letting the two men know he was there. “I apologize to interrupt, but I’ll be the bodyguard. I was wondering where I should set up?
They stared at him for a few seconds, and then the red-haired man stuck out his hand to shake Kunikida’s.
“AH, of course, sorry about that. I’m Nakahara Chuuya, Dazai’s Agent,” he said, waving another man over.
“I’ll have Tachihara bring your bags upstairs, and someone will be available to give you the tour. I’ll be heading out now, but,” he told Kunikida, grabbing a business card out of his wallet, “contact me if you need anything, or if Dazai is driving you crazy,” he smiled, as Dazai pouted beside him.
Kunikida nodded, taking the business card graciously. “Thank you, I appreciate that,” he replied, as the man he assumed was Tachihara grabbed his bags.
Chuuya left, and Kunikida could feel Dazai’s eyes on him.
“Can I help you?”
“Do all bodyguards have mullets?”
Kunikida’s eye twitched. “Are all celebrities lazy assholes?”
Dazai, to Kunikida’s surprise, laughed. “Nah, just most of them,” then he looked around.
“Hmmm, since no one else is around, I guess I’ll just have to give you the tour!”
“I’m sure I can find my way around the place myself,” Kunikida argued quickly, but Dazai wouldn’t have any of it.
Dazai jumped out of his chair and gave Kunikida the tour. Kunikida had no idea how one man could use the entire mansion, but he decided he didn’t actually want to know.
Dazai had a personal chef, a maid, a butler, and so many people in his house that he wondered if Dazai actually felt lonely in this giant place.
After the tour, Dazai showed Kunikida his room.
It was decent sized, and a nice room, even though Kunikida knew he wouldn’t be using it too much.
“Wow, are you sure no one else is staying here?”
“Of course not! If they were, they’d stay in my room!” Dazai winked, and Kunikida rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, okay. I’m going to start setting up my equipment, what’s your schedule for the rest of the day?”
Dazai thought for a moment. “I think I have a red carpet… does that mean you’ll be my date?”
“No, definitely not,” Kunikida deadpanned, and Dazai pouted.
After Kunikida set up his equipment, he put on his suit and headed to the red carpet with Dazai.
Dazai’s driver took them there, and Kunikida sat in the back with Dazai, explaining how the security was going to work.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it Kunikida!”
“Don’t you care about your own safety?”
Dazai shrugged, a sad look in his eyes. “If they get me, they get me. Wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” he muttered.
He blinked and returned back to his usual self, making Kunikida wonder if he had actually just imagined it in the first place.
“Well, you should. Anyway, we’re here, let’s go,” Kunikida opened the door for Dazai, and as soon as they stepped out, screams pierced his ears and he winced.
“Are they always like this?”
“Yep!” Dazai smiled, and started entertaining his fans and taking pictures with flashes so bright Kunikida wondered how Dazai wasn’t blind.
Kunikida scanned the faces in the crowd, looking for anyone who seemed threatening, but it mainly seemed to be teenage girls who were enamored by Dazai.
“Psh, if only they met him,” Kunikida muttered.
The rest of the night went smoothly, and Kunikida wondered if Dazai really had anyone after him. He was an arrogant ass for sure, but what could the mafia want with him?
He was thinking in the car ride back to Dazai’s when Dazai waved his hand in front of them.
“So… still think you want to be my bodyguard?”
“I was assigned to you, I don’t have a choice,” Kunikida responded, and then looked up to see Dazai flinch for a second before putting on his usual face again.
He seemed… so insecure yet so arrogant at the same time. It confused Kunikida, and intrigued him, even if he wasn’t willing to admit it.
“I mean… of course I’ll still protect you with my life, and I plan on staying as long as you need me,” Kunikida added.
Dazai scoffed. “Yeah, like you would really take a bullet for me…”
“I would,” Kunikida deadpanned, looking him in the eye. “I take my job seriously, it’s why I’m one of the best and it’s why they assigned me to you,” he said.
Dazai’s eyes widened and he looked away, clearly uncomfortable. If Kunikida didn’t know better he might even say Dazai was blushing.
The rest of the ride back was quiet.
Once they got to the house, Kunikida went to his room to get some sleep before the next day, yet found that once again, sleep would not find him. The nightmares of the things he had seen had kept him up many times, but it seemed to be worse as of late.
He went to the kitchen to make some hot tea and was surprised to find Dazai there, looking out the window.
When he turned around to see who was entering the kitchen, Kunikida wondered if the dark circles under Dazai’s eyes had been there before.
Dazai blinked slowly, as if his brain was struggling to process who was standing in front of him.
Kunikida cleared his throat, and nodded at Dazai. “I was going to make some tea, would you like some?”
Dazai looked surprised Kunikida was offering him tea, but he nodded and pointed to where the tea was. Kunikida was honestly surprised he knew, assuming his servants usually got it for him.
The room was silent as Kunikida brewed the tea, and once it was done he sat by Dazai, looking out the window at the bright city beside them.
“I read your profile, you know,” Dazai said.
“I thought you didn’t want a bodyguard?”
“I don’t, but I wanted to make sure you were worth the hype,” Dazai replied.
Kunikida raised an eyebrow. “And am I?”
Dazai smiled. “Actually, I think you might be too good for me,” he whispered.
Kunikida flinched. “Why does that matter?”
Kunikida had read that Dazai had gotten into some trouble with the law a few times as a teenager, but the files were confidential. He had assumed he had just made some teenage mistakes, but with the way Dazai was looking at him now, he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that made him think it was much worse than that.
Kunikida narrowed his eyes. “You turned on them, didn’t you?” He had read Dazai didn’t grow up in the best neighborhood, and he must have seen or done things the mafia consider valuable.
Dazai looked away. “They did something I couldn’t forgive,” he whispered, and Kunikida didn’t press him any farther.
“Then… wouldn’t that make you a good person? Or a better person?”
Dazai’s eyes shot up to look at him. “I mean, if they did something you couldn’t forgive, it must mean you have a conscience. Turning on them must take a lot of strength, too. I think you’re a better person than you give yourself credit for,” Kunikida said, before putting his empty mug in the sink and heading back to his room.
On his way out, he saw Dazai give him a small smile. It was the first real smile Kunikida thought he had seen on Dazai.