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Handsome.
Iruka had called Gai handsome. Kakashi had thought a lot of things about Gai—loyal to the point of irritating, overly enthusiastic, passionate, kind, brave, strong, really muscular—but handsome?
“If you look past the haircut and green jumpsuit. He’s not my type, but I can see what you see in him,” he said.
“Eh? What do you mean? I don’t see anything in Gai,” he replied, blushing furiously under his mask.
Iruka blushes. “Oh. I’m sorry—I must have misunderstood. I thought—well, never mind.”
He had let it go, because it wasn’t really something he wanted to discuss with anyone, let alone Iruka. But the word had stuck in his mind, right next to Gai’s face. Handsome? He looks on as Gai does his 499th squat. Kakashi can see every muscle flexing in Gai's legs as he does so. They’re very well-defined, and far too easy to see through his tight spandex jumpsuit.
“500! Aha! Rival, I have bested you again,” he declares.
Kakashi sighs. “Yeah, yeah.” He’d given up at 300—although he might not have if he hadn’t been so distracted. This was Iruka’s fault, he thinks bitterly. Gai starts doing his stretches, giving Kakashi a nice view of his ass, which he can’t seem to stop staring at. Well, he works out a lot, so of course he has a great body. Anyone could appreciate that kind of dedication, right?
Unfortunately, the more Kakashi thinks about it, which he seems to be doing a lot these days, the more he realizes it’s always been right there in front of him. He’s just tried to avoid it. And he’s always been really good at avoiding things. He’s highly skilled in evasion; his training and the Sharingan don’t let him be anything else. And his reading habits and mask only make it easier to avoid people and emotions.
But Gai has always been so damned persistent. He challenges himself and others (specifically, Kakashi) all the time. It’s how he was able to become a respected jounin using only taijutsu. And in spite of everything Kakashi has done to push him away, he’s always stuck around. He’s saved Kakashi time and time again, from both enemies and himself. He’s under Kakashi's skin now, and Kakashi can’t really avoid thinking about him all the time. Even when Kakashi is focused on building a strategy or fighting, or corralling his troublesome team, Gai is present in his thoughts. He’s wormed his green spandex-clad self into Kakashi's heart. Truthfully, Gai is the only person Kakashi can fully trust. He knows he can count on Gai no matter what. Gai is there for him even when Kakashi doesn’t deserve it.
And god—he is really, really handsome. Kakashi groans in frustration. “Can you just stop for ten minutes?” he asks as Gai stretches out his hips.
“Of course not. I’ll get stiff.”
Kakashi curses at Jiraya for using that exact phrase in the latest volume of Icha Icha. “Come on, Gai. Let’s go. I’ll buy you a drink.”
“No, no. You know how I get when I drink.”
Kakashi smiles beneath his mask, recalling the last time Gai was drunk and bested him with his Drunken Fist. It was Kakashi's fault; he should never have challenged Gai when they'd been drinking. He hadn’t been in such rough shape since his run-in with Itachi. “Right. Well, then I’ll buy me a drink.” He sighs. “Let’s make it a challenge. I’ll race you there.”
Kakashi wins the race. It helps that, this time, he’s not staring at Gai’s immaculate body and his stupid bushy eyebrows that are somehow very appealing.
He doesn’t like how aware he is of Gai’s presence as they sit next to each other at Ichiraku. It’s too warm, too sharp—like Gai’s cheekbones. So he drinks a little. It’s just enough that it dulls his senses, and his heart stops feeling so much like it’s going to burst. But maybe it has the side effect of lowering one or two of his carefully built walls, because Kakashi relaxes under Gai’s touch when he rests a hand between Kakashi's shoulder blades on the way home.
Gai talks—a lot. He gushes a lot about his students, especially Lee. Kakashi listens with a fond smile under his mask. Part of him wishes he could be so affectionate with his own students, but it’s just too risky for him.
Suddenly, Gai stops and turns to face him. “What about you, Kakashi?”
“What about me?”
“How are you doing?”
Kakashi winces. He hates that question. He hates when people ask him about how he’s feeling—is he okay? is the trauma kicking his ass too much these days? why doesn’t he come out to play cards with the other guys? He hates it, even when it’s Gai asking.
“You’ve been acting strangely lately, rival.”
“Have I?” He’s annoyed, but it’s more because Gai’s noticed than anything else. He doesn’t like how Gai can see through him so easily. It makes him feel too vulnerable.
“Yes. There’s just something,” he pauses and places his palm against Kakashi’s chest. “Something is off.”
Gai’s touch is electric and penetrates him deep to his core. It hurts, and he wonders if this is anything like how Rin felt.
“Kakashi?”
“I’m fine,” he says, but his own voice sounds so far away. He can’t seem to breathe, and he feels dizzy. It’s just like when he was younger, and Gai followed him around on missions to make sure he didn’t get himself killed. Suddenly, he’s enveloped in warmth, and he realizes Gai’s stupid strong arms are wrapped around him.
“Okay,” he says. “You’re fine.”
He’s not sure how it’s easier to breathe like this, with Gai in his space, touching him, squeezing his body tight. “Anyone else would regret getting this close,” he says out loud without meaning to.
Gai laughs. “Nonsense, Kakashi,” he says, because he knows Kakashi isn’t just referring to physical proximity, and he thinks that people would be delighted to know Kakashi so well. Kakashi knows better; Gai is just too kind, and maybe just a little weird.
He feels embarrassed the rest of the way home, but Gai just keeps talking like nothing happened. They get to the point where they should part ways, but Gai insists on walking Kakashi home. “It’s a nice night! The fresh air is good for the body.” He knows Gai is just worried, but Kakashi lets him stick around anyway.
When they get to Kakashi’s door, Gai gives him the thumbs up and flashes a brilliant smile. “Here we are!”
It occurs to him that he’d like to know what it would be like to kiss that grin right off Gai's face. He berates himself for the thought, yet he can’t help it when he asks Gai to come inside. The words just spill right out of him, somehow.
Gai enthusiastically agrees, probably expecting to play shogi, or cards, or some kind of game to distract Kakashi from his own thoughts. Kakashi isn’t really sure what he had in mind, but he doesn’t want to be alone. The trouble is, he also can’t seem to stifle the feeling of want bubbling inside of him, and the moment the door is closed behind Gai, Kakashi is on him.
His hands are on Gai’s shoulders, pushing him into the door. Gai’s eyes are wide with surprise. “Kakashi, what are you—”
“Challenging myself,” he says.
“Oh.”
His brain screams at him to stop what he’s doing, telling him he’s a fool, that he’ll regret this, and that this will hurt one or both of them in the end. But it’s really too late for all of that, because he’d tried pushing Gai away, and he was always there anyway. So his wretched heart wins out, in the end, and he presses his lips against Gai’s through the thin cloth of his mask.
Gai gasps, and Kakashi feels panic rush through him. It’s not dull and suffocating like before. The feeling is sharp and makes him hyperaware of what it is he’s doing. He draws back, readying himself to rebuild the walls that Gai shattered one by one over the years.
But then Gai cups his face with both hands, thumbs stroking his cheekbones, lingering a little over his scar. “Kakashi,” he whispers. He kisses Kakashi back, on the cheek this time, and it’s so much. Kakashi has never been touched like this before, never with such tenderness. Even Gai has always been careful when it comes to touch, knowing he would get scared and run. It’s funny, really, that one of the most skilled and feared ninjas should be so afraid of being touched with kind hands.
Tonight, the fear feels distant. Kakashi isn’t sure when it changed. Maybe it was Iruka’s fault for ever bringing it up, for giving him the idea, or maybe it was just Gai’s persistence in edging his way into Kakashi’s heart. Gai traces the line of Kakashi's mask with his thumbs, as if asking for permission. Kakashi places his hands on top of Gai’s, hooks his fingers into the cloth, and pulls it down.
Gai inhales sharply. “It always surprises me,” he murmurs, “how handsome you are.” Gai has seen his face a handful times, and it’s always been out of necessity. He’s never had the chance to linger like this. “I know I don’t remember faces well. But I always remembered yours.”
Kakashi moves closer to him, and Gai’s mouth is so close he can feel Gai's breath against his own lips. “I’ve—I’ve never,” he falters, suddenly embarrassed by his lack of experience.
“That’s alright,” he says.
Kakashi closes the distance between them, and Gai’s lips are so soft against his own. He’s not really sure what he’s doing, but Gai is kissing him back. It’s clumsy, and it feels strange and unfamiliar. He pulls back for a moment, a feeling of uncertainty lingering over him. And then the dam breaks, and he’s pulling Gai close, one fist in his hair and the other grasping at the back of Gai’s jumpsuit.
Gai sets the pace this time. He cups Kakashi’s jaw and kisses him firmly, and it’s intense, being touched like this after so many years. Kakashi can’t get enough, now that he’s had a taste. He feels alive, like something that’s been dormant inside of him all this time has been set ablaze, and there’s no quelling the flames now. Gai swipes his tongue across Kakashi's lips, and Kakashi moans into the kiss, lets Gai lick into his mouth. It’s unreal how desperate he feels, how quickly his carefully controlled composure crumbles beneath Gai’s mouth. Kakashi may give the appearance of being aloof, but it’s almost always an act.
They part for a breath, and Kakashi briefly worries about how wrecked he knows he must look, but then he sees how flushed Gai’s skin is and the way his pupils are dilated. He softens his grip on Gai’s hair and slides his fingers through it, enjoying the feel of the silky strands against his skin, and the way Gai sighs at the touch.
Gai runs his hands over Kakashi’s face, like he’s trying to remember every inch of it. “Kakashi.” He rests his forehead against Kakashi’s while his hands caress Kakashi's face, fingers trailing from his temples down to his jaw. “What do you want?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay,” he says, like it’s all so simple.
“I’m so tired,” Kakashi tells him, meaning he’s tired of running, tired of being carrying everything alone, tired of depriving himself. His heart aches with loneliness, his body is weary from the weight of his burdens.
“Then you should rest,” he says, but Kakashi doesn’t want to be alone right now. He doesn’t want this moment to slip away. If Gai leaves, reality will set in, and Kakashi will argue himself out of this. He can already feel it coming.
“Don’t,” he chokes out. “Don’t go.”
“I won’t.”
Gai sits him down on the edge of the bed and helps him with his vest and headband while Kakashi kicks off his sandals. Kakashi lifts his arms so Gai can pull his overshirt off. His undershirt stays on, leaving Kakashi the option to pull his mask back up. He’s grateful for it.
Gai leaves his jumpsuit on, but the legwarmers, belt, and vest are gone. They lie down together on the bed, and Kakashi turns to face Gai, one eye closed and his mask pulled back up. He reaches out and touches Gai’s cheek, like he’s checking to make sure he’s real, and not some dream or a genjutsu. Gai turns and kisses his palm, and it grounds him.
“Goodnight, my eternal rival,” Gai murmurs.