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She wasn’t jealous, at least not entirely. The days they had spent together just hadn’t prepared her. Leia had some sort of plan, they travelled for weeks in the Falcon, taking shifts due to the small number of pilots. Her and Poe seemed to get paired up often, Chewy only trusted her and Leia in the cockpit when he wasn’t there. So they had hours together, talking about everything and nothing.
It was odd at first, she expected to be reunited with Finn but instead she was always with Poe. It was strange how well they got along, it had seemed to take longer for her to connect with most people. They had been living in a bubble, alone for hours on end with little to do but get to know each other. She adjusted to him, his need to touch everything was different but oddly pleasant. Poe was naturally talkative, a trait she would have thought annoying before but now it was an essential part of her day. She was even starting to think she liked him. And that he might even like her. She was pretty sure this was flirting. Then they arrived.
Yavin 4 was beautiful, the green, the warm air and the rain made it almost magical. Chewy had relieved Poe shortly before they landed but she stayed to get a first glimpse at this new world. The buildings were even different, looking ancient but like they belonged. She was nervous when she noticed the large group waiting for them but she felt a hand land on her shoulder.
“Don’t worry, they’re old friends,” Leia said reassuringly.
She didn’t know why she was surprised. Poe had been friendly to everyone on board, why would this be any different? She watched as he went up to the members of the crowd, shaking hands and clapping people on the back. Until he reached one in particular. She was too far away, she and Chewy were finishing shutdown but she could see Poe was hugging one of them. But she wasn’t jealous, she told herself.
It seemed to last forever, Chewy giving her a gentle growl to remind her what she should have been doing. It wasn’t until she was out of the ship the strange sensation really took hold. They had separated slightly from the group, Leia, Finn and Rose with them now.
She walked over hesitantly, not sure what was going on. She didn’t notice Chewy behind her until the man yelled. She watched the reunion, still confused about what was happening. It wasn’t until the man pulled away that she finally got a hint.
“And who’s this young lady?” he asked Poe teasingly.
“This is Rey, our resident Jedi, papa,” Poe replied. “You should say thank you, we’d all be dead if not for her.”
She finally got close enough for her first good look at him, startled by how much he reminded her of Poe. She barely had a moment to process before the elder man had her in his arms. “She’s staying at our house then,” he replied. “I couldn’t do anything less for the person who brought my son home.”
He pulled away, leaving her a little startled and flushed. “She can have your room, I’d say she deserves it more than you do,” he teased. “But I do need to thank you, it’s impossible to get my boy to come home for a visit these days.”
She wasn’t sure what to say to that, still trying to figure things out. She had thought Poe had been like her. Been like Finn, Leia and Rose too. Alone. And now she found out he had a family, someone who loved him. So she might be a little jealous.
She followed the group, watching it break off in twos and threes as the people she had been holed up with for weeks disappeared into the lush jungle with strangers until it was just the three of them. She felt out of place as she walked behind them, the two men catching up after their long separation. She wanted Finn, Leia, anybody but them. After been surrounded, she thought she would have welcomed the change, having some time to herself again. Instead it was suffocating, the strange anger seemed to come from nowhere.
They finally approached a house, it was bigger than any she had ever seen. The jealousy came back with a vengeance. How could Poe do this to his family? How could he leave a life that was so perfect?
The anger simmered as she was shown to a bedroom, a space with a door all to her own. Another thing Poe had taken for granted. The bed was soft and comfortable, nothing like she was used to. The jealousy reared it’s head again.
Dinner was the final straw, it was actual food. Her life had been nothing but rations, Maz’s fruit had been a strange novelty but this was a meal, something she had never imagined possible. She had had enough.
The chair scrapped louder than she thought possible as she pushed away from the table. She couldn’t imagine that room, small little touches that belonged to Poe not her. Just another reminder that this wasn’t for her, none of this would ever be hers.
She didn’t know where she was going but she had to get away. Being inside was too much, she bolted toward the door. She could vaguely hear their voices but ignored them, running blindly into the jungle. She had no doubt she could outrun Poe, even after weeks in space. He spent most of his time in a cockpit not scavenging. She finally slowed down, her heart beating faster than she had ever thought possible. It took a few minutes to settle back into its normal rhythm, giving her time to think about what a stupid thing she had done. She was on a strange world she knew nothing about, completely unarmed. And she didn’t have the slightest clue where she was.
She listened to the sounds around her, trying to get a general idea of her situation. There were bugs, birds, wind but nothing screamed she was in immediate danger. She had a good idea which way she had come from, she’d at least run in a sort of straight line. She started her hike back to the Dameron home, hoping they wouldn’t ask her to leave.
She tried to keep watch, listening closely to the world around her. She still wasn’t very good at sensing things with the Force, just another aspect she was failing at. She couldn’t understand why these people wanted her here, she was a failure as a Jedi and almost everything else. Lifting some rocks didn’t mean she was useful but they all kept going on about it.
She kept walking, still no clue if she was even heading closer. They’re only just arrived and she was already making a mess of things. No wonder Luke had wanted to run away, the pressure was already unbearable. She stopped walking suddenly, a familiar feeling washing over her. It was impossible but she could have sworn she felt ... something.
She looked around the area, trying to find anything remarkable so she could find this place again. There wasn’t much but trees and dirt, just like the rest of the jungle she had already passed. She was already lost, what was the point of worrying about it? She veered off, if she was right, Leia would be able to find her. Eventually.
The closer she got, the more sure she was, even if it didn’t make any sense. The tree finally came into view, along with Poe, sitting on one of the lower branches. He looked up when she stepped on a branch, lopsided smile on his face. “I figured you’d make your way here.”
She stepped closer cautiously, he didn’t seem angry but after her dealings lately, she had learned to be careful. “So it is a Force tree? How did it get here?”
He jumped down from the branch, hand reaching out to touch it almost reverently. “Luke Skywalker gave it to my mom for helping him. It’s one of the few things that remind me of her.”
She hadn’t considered it, his father was here but no mother. She was more than familiar with loss, maybe her and Poe weren’t so different after all. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was sorry for at this point.
This smile wasn’t like his normal one, his eyes weren’t as bright, his mouth tighter. “She’s been gone longer than I had her, it’s okay.”
The anger flared up again, he still had someone. “Then why leave? How could you do that to your father?” she hissed.
He looked startled, like he hadn’t considered it. It made her even angrier. “Do you know how my mom ended up helping Luke?” he questioned.
“Of course I don’t!”
“How about how my dad knew Chewbacca? Leia? Why we came here of all places?”
She shook her head, suddenly sure she didn’t want the answers. “All of those people, the ones who are risking their lives to hide us? They’re all Alliance, every one of them. Just like Leia. Just like Chewy. Just like my mom and dad were. They’re the people who would watch me after my mom died. They’re the people who had my parents backs when the war was on. They’re family. And family protects each other.”
“But they don’t know me! They don’t know the rest of us!”
Poe simply shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. If I told dad about Finn breaking me out, he wouldn’t question why I considered a stormtrooper my brother. Look at you. All I said was you saved my ass and he’s treating you better than me,” he joked. “Family isn’t about who you’re related to, not all the time. It’s about who you chose.”
The concept never occurred to her. Han could have been her family, she was certain he must have considered Chewy his. Finn would be family, Leia too. “So I just decide? I say I want someone to be my family and it’s done?” she questioned.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, leading her away. “It’s not a wedding, you don’t need to announce it or anything but it’s what you feel for them,” he replied. “It’s ... it’s more like something you just know, it clicks. Like you know that person belongs in your life. It’s kriffing crazy that you and Finn haven’t been able to have that feeling yet. Understandable but really unfair.”
“So does that mean we’re ... family?” she asked cautiously.
He leaned over to kiss her hair, something she had just started getting used to. “Damn right we are. There’s no way I would sleep on the couch for anyone but family,” he teased.
“Do family ever share a bed? It looks big enough for three people,” she suggested.
Poe seemed to choke on air. “Um ... sometimes,” he replied. “I don’t think that will work for us. Not unless you’re trying to kill me.”
She looked him over, not sure how that would work. She opened her mouth to ask but he shook his head. “That won’t fly with my dad. Not without a wedding first, anyways.”
He’d said the word before, she still wasn’t clear what it was. “So we need to have a wedding? Can we just do that?”
Poe choked again, it took longer to subside this time. He stopped and turned towards her, still very red. She was a little worried. “Probably best not to mention weddings anywhere near my dad,” he said quietly. “He will probably get the wrong idea. But if things keep going the way they are, or at least the way I thought they were going, ask me again in a year or two.”
She nodded even though she was still confused. Families sure seemed complicated but at least she had one now.