Chapter Text
Byleth fought her way through soldier after soldier, trying to get to where Claude was. She heard a warning cry from Sylvain and whirled around just in time to raise her sword and block an attack from another enemy soldier. She cut him down and stopped to catch her breath.
"Professor," Claude called out. Byleth turned her head and watched him curiously. He’d never used her full title like that. She’d always been "Teach" to him. She hurried over to where he waited. "If you had chosen me instead of Dimitri..." He trailed off, his tone odd to decipher and his gaze unfocused, as if he were seeing some distant, alternate future. He suddenly shook his head and the faraway look disappeared. "No, I shouldn’t dwell on it. I’m grateful you came."
Byleth swallowed the lump beginning to form in her throat. "Claude, I –"
"I’m glad to have your strength," he interrupted her, "if only for today." Claude’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.
If you had chosen me instead of Dimitri. Her eyes widened slightly for a moment as his words sank in. Not "if you had chosen the Golden Deer house instead of the Blue Lions." If you had chosen me.
Byleth forced a half smile and nodded. "Of course," she replied. "I wouldn’t just leave you."
But you did, a voice in the back of her mind said. You made your choice. You can’t change things now.
For a moment, she paused to consider that hypothetical situation. The Deer were an odd, yet charming bunch, a mix of commoners and nobles. Ignatz, the kind-hearted art lover, the large and boisterous Raphael, quiet and lonely Marianne, determined and spirited Lysithea, the haughty, yet loyal Lorenz, Leonie, who was the most determined person Byleth could think of, fashionable and lazy Hilda, and Claude, their leader. Claude had always been friendly with her. How much deeper would their bond have gone if she’d chosen him and the Golden Deer? Student and teacher. Leader and tactician. Friends who fought side by side.
Byleth couldn’t deny that Claude had grown into an attractive young man during the past five years. She wondered if there could have been something between them. He would no longer have been her student, after all. Even back then, she’d found herself captivated by his smile. Claude was a hard person to read, but she’d always known there was something more to that carefree smile and laid-back attitude he hid behind. If she had chosen him, would he have any secrets from her? Would she have any from him?
The former professor momentarily turned her attention back to the fighting, her eyes scanning the crowd for a certain blond-haired prince. She felt a pang of sadness as she watched Dimitri. He needed her. They all did. She couldn’t leave them now. She thought of the day she’d found Dimitri, broken and defeated, among a pile of corpses in the ruins of the monastery. She remembered the cold, dead look in his eye when she had tried to reach out to him. "I should have known," he’d said, "that one day, you would be haunting me as well." If she hadn’t been there to help him through the despair and darkness, what would have become of Dimitri? She cared for the young prince and was so relieved he was finally beginning to become his old self again, but Byleth couldn’t deny taking on Dimitri’s anger and sorrow took a toll on her. She had her own darkness to walk through and her own burdens to carry. If Claude had been the one at her side, would those burdens have been as heavy? Would the burdens of her students been hers as well, like they were with the Blue Lions?
Claude watched her as she observed Dimitri and the others. He closed his eyes for a moment, doing his best to push aside his true feelings. "Go on, Teach," he said, forcing his tone back to its usual lightheartedness. "I’m sure they need you over there. I’ll be fine."
Byleth turned her attention back to Claude and he winked. She nodded, trying not to think of the hidden meaning behind his statement. I’ll be fine without you. I have to be. She hesitated for a moment longer before reluctantly turning away, throwing herself back into the fighting.
Even long after the battle, long after Claude had left Fodlan, his words continued to haunt her. She would often lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling as his words echoed through her mind once more.
“If you had chosen me instead of Dimitri...”