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brave love, dream
not of staunching such strict flame, but come,
lean to my wound; burn on, burn on.
-- Firesong by Sylvia Plath
The Foxwood is as beautiful as Gai imagined. Like a blaze its trees sway, the Land of Fire's heart beating hot. The Nine-Tails' magic is smoke lingering through the wood. Even beyond the trees, Gai can feel it in his every breath. The path to the gate is blackened like coal and he lowers his head in respect as he passes under. The tires of his wheelchair roll over the stones. Ruby eyes inspect him from atop the gate, the Nine-Tails' fire ever-glowing in its guardians. He might imagine the breath of laughter from the wood, red leaves rustling and branches snapping like teeth - but he might not. Mirai tightening her grasp on his chair suggests she hears it too.
"Are you sure about this?" she asks, eyeing the fox statue with suspicion. She's asked Gai this a dozen times over already and his answer never changes. Her concern is sweet, though unwarranted, and Gai reaches back to pat her hand.
"I'm certain. Nothing in this wood can scare me."
"Well it scares me. I don't like this.”
"Few people would,” Gai says, nodding with approval. The autumn wood rustles with amusement. He’s sure the great fox is listening, prowling deep into that timeless dark. Kakashi said it used to sleep for so long that fire-roses would sprout upon it. That was before Naruto ventured into the Foxwood - and that was some years ago.
“It would be a shame to turn back now, wouldn't it?" Gai adds. He pulls his walking stick from its storage seal. He doubts the Foxwood has designated paths. His physiotherapists insist they can modify his wheelchair for rougher terrain with a few tweaks and a handwave of magic, but he’s not interested. Some call him old-fashioned; Tenten calls him crazy. Gai is most certainly both.
"It would be smart," Mirai grumbles, but then she sighs as Gai finds his feet under the watchful gate guardian, recognising when she’s beat. She hands over his bag and nunchaku, and unhooks the lantern from the back of the wheelchair. The flame inside dances in the presence of her wind magic. When she tries to hand this over, too, Gai refuses.
“You’ll have more need of that than me,” he says, grinning despite her concern. “I can light my own way.”
Mirai’s frown deepens. She hangs the lantern from her staff, visibly displeased. It sways like Konoha’s street-lamps but the flame doesn’t extinguish. Phoenix fire is eternal - and the feather that fuels the lantern has been burning for thousands of years. Gai has all but forgotten how it feels to have the sky under his wings, but at least his feathers can serve another purpose.
“I hope he's in there," Mirai sighs.
Gai laughs. She doesn't mean the Nine-Tails. "I've known Kakashi for a very long time: he will be. I will return as soon as I find him!" He offers a thumbs-up. "Thank you for accompanying me this far, I won't keep you waiting."
"Yeah, yeah,” Mirai says, with all the blasé of her father. Asuma was an astute but laid-back man. Mirai's neurotic nature is most definitely her mother's. She drops her bag into Gai's vacated wheelchair. "If you're not back in twenty-four hours, I'm raising an alarm."
Gai's not planning on taking that long but he remembers Kakashi's warnings. The Foxwood is a timeless place, a forest trapped in the moment of its burning. It has been that way since the sons of the Rabbit Goddess herself, the First Mages, slew their mother and scattered the Nine Beasts across the land. Gai was not alive then, no, but from the Goddess' blood sprang all manner of monsters. From her tears came the spirits and fae. All that remained of her love burned into ashes - and the first firebird flew from the flames.
Gai was not alive then, no, but a part of him was: the magic within him and the light on his wings. That same light will guide him through the Foxwood and protect Mirai through the night. It will bring Kakashi home, too, with any luck, and keep whatever festers within him at bay.
Gai sets off with his walking stick in hand. It clops against the stones towards the forest edge, and then when the path crumbles away like ashes into leaves, it barely makes a sound. It has been some years since he manoeuvred with his full mobility - be it on land or sky. He still misses it from time to time. It's only temporary, he knows, until he burns again or burns away. It would be easier to traverse the Foxwood with his full gait and it would be easier with his eight wings still. The Nine-Tails might not appreciate a phoenix swooping over, but Gai's dealt with a fair share of tetchy beasts over his lives. Kakashi is the grumpiest of them all.
Hours pass. He wanders in search of any glimpse of Kakashi's magic. It's difficult to pinpoint anything amongst the Nine-Tails' presence; it lingers over every inch of the wood, an animal prowling in the dark. Gai sees the Nine-Tails' eyes in every flicker of the trees. He doesn't call out. Despite Mirai's reservations, he isn't worried about what lurks in the Foxwood. He has a weapon, should he need it, and some of his magic. But Kakashi has only ever spoken of the fox and the trees, the golden earth and the ever-dying leaves. Gai doesn't expect to encounter anything that might attack him - unless he unearths another being like Kakashi had all those years ago.
"I think the Nine-Tails will be happier to see you than me," is what Yamato said when Gai revealed his intended destination. He shook his head, dropping his forehead into his hand. "Kakashi's been pretty adamant about keeping me away from there."
Kakashi also discourages Gai from the Foxwood, so the feeling is mutual. "You'd like it too much," Kakashi always says. When pressed to clarify, he shrugs. "It's very you. Orange. Old as shit. I can't say I'm a fan."
Gai's never been sure how to feel about that comparison. He knows Kakashi isn't telling him everything but he's come to expect that after all these years. The Foxwood isn't a place Kakashi remembers fondly - which is a shame, Gai can't help but think, because there's something beautiful about its monstrosity. This wood is dying but never dies, forever red and blackened like coal. Kakashi was right to predict that Gai would like this place. Gai can't say he likes it more than Konoha, his home, but he doesn't hurry through the Foxwood despite knowing he should.
Hurrying isn't so easy with his injuries. Some days are more mobile than others: less sore. By the time he returns to Mirai and the camp, he'll be far less than okay. That isn't going to dissuade him from continuing on. Even before he partially opened his Eighth Gate, he knew when to push his body. He's always had his limits; chronic pain simply adjusted them, that's all.
Gai hums to himself as he wanders. His direction is anywhere. He walks in short bursts, just a few minutes at a time. His walking stick helps lift some weight from his injured leg; he hobbles over moss and mushroom rings, side-steps fallen trees with care. Usually when Kakashi disappears, Gai leaves him be. It's been that way since their early days and Kakashi's only gotten better at hiding with age. The Foxwood is the last place anyone would expect him to go - which is precisely how Gai knows he's here.
Gai perches on a broken tree-stump to rest. There's a stream nearby, he can hear it splashing in the distance. He wipes his brow, the pain exhausting him. His mottled spine throbs in protest. Mirai must be panicking. Kakashi would be, too, if he knew Gai was out here searching for him. Not much can ruffle a thunderbird, but Gai's fragile mortality is a bit of a sore spot. Gai certainly doesn't consider himself fragile, but since Kakashi only has one threat to his existence, one thing that can destroy him, everyone's a little delicate in comparison.
"Come on then," Gai says to himself. He heaves himself up with his cane. "He can't be much further."
He plods in the direction of the stream. It's a bit too muddy for his footing so he takes care, following the flow down-stream. Leaves and twigs float across the surface. He counts them, resolving to perform just as many lunges once he's back at camp. He might have to wait until Mirai's asleep though. The counting distracts him from the pain of walking - but also from his surroundings. He doesn't notice the bank widening until he slips straight down it, landing hard. The base of his spine flares with pain. He rubs at it angrily, wiggling in the mud to fetch his walking stick from the stream. The fall startles him more than anything and he takes a moment to collect himself, annoyed and sore.
Laughter rolls through the trees like smoke. Gai whips his head around to the red eyes in the gloom. It shouldn't be possible for such an enormous creature to move through the forest unheeded, but the Nine-Tails prowls at the edge of Gai's vision, so large that he cannot entirely make out its shape. The trees seem to bend out of its way. Gai can see its fur like firelight. He can see its teeth gnashing with a smile. He catches a glimpse of its nine lashing tails as it circles him. If he didn’t know better, he’d say it was keeping its distance. But surely one of the Great Beasts isn't wary of him?
"Another wretched thing?" it calls, the trees quivering with its breath. “Not many wander into my wood these days."
So Kakashi is here. Gai was certain, of course, but it's nice to have confirmation. He pushes himself up at the bank, at least far enough to sit on the edge rather than within the stream. He wipes the handle of his walking stick on his clothes.
“They’re wise not to," he replies. "But I’ve not come for myself.”
“Then you are one of the few,” rumbles the Nine-Tails. “But you’ve no need for my flame, have you?"
Gai doesn't deny it. Phoenix fire is one of the most powerful forces in the world, but he doesn't like to brag. Especially as his fire isn't quite what it used to be anymore.
“Where’s Kakashi?”
“Lost him again, have you?”
Receiving a straight answer from Kakashi is easier than this. Gai would march over to the Nine-Tails and demand a proper response were he able. As it is, it's hard to gauge the distance between them, and Gai's body is content to remain seated for now. Even at his best, he can barely manage half a mile before starting to hobble from the pain. He hopes the Nine-Tails' appearance suggests Kakashi is nearby.
“You’re just as infuriating as he said you’d be," Gai decides. He waves the walking stick at the Nine-Tails in a pathetically threatening manner. "Tell me the way."
It laughs, teeth glinting like sparks of flint. It still hasn’t approached, instead weaving through the shadows like a breeze. "Information isn't free, candle-bird, not even for you."
Gai bristles, but the Nine-Tails’ point is fair. He crosses his arms, contemplating the matter. He doesn’t have much to offer - and he isn’t an ideal candidate for running errands, not like Kakashi was. On the plus side, if there’s a second Yamato lying around the forest somewhere, Gai might return home with another addition to their little family. Lee will be pleased. Kakashi… maybe less so. He hums, considering the value of whatever information the Nine-Tails will provide. "I suppose I could always find him myself."
"How bold of you. You will lose your way as all things do. And when you are aflame for no longer, I will be there to consume whatever's left of you."
The threat doesn't faze Gai. He’s felt more fury from Neji compared to this Tailed Beast. Perhaps it’s their shared element - their otherworldly fire - that strengthens Gai’s resolve. The Nine-Tails’ magic seems less tremendous in the face of what he has seen - of what he could do. He hems and haws, the pain in his back easing, allowing him to think.
“I’m afraid there isn’t much left of me after I burn. When I partially opened my Eighth Gate, I destroyed much of the landscape around me. If I were to stay in your forest, it would surely burn.”
He feels the Nine-Tails’ anger in the sweltering air. Sweat gathers down his back and neck, blistering his skin. The trees might catch flame at any moment, their leaves shrivelling in the heat. And still its magic isn’t as hot as the Eighth Gate, not as devastating, not as grave.
The only thing that can kill a thunderbird is fire, but all that can kill a firebird is itself.
“Do you think my realm so fragile?” the Nine-Tails hisses from afar.
Gai smiles. He lifts himself with his walking stick, his hands reddened and sore. If the walking stick bursts into flames, Mirai isn’t the only one who will never let him out of her sights again. He might have to borrow a tree-branch to see him home - unless he combusts the Foxwood too. The Nine-Tails must realise this for its smile disappears into its cindering fur. Gai bats a few stray leaves from his legs, adding them to his count as they float off down the stream.
“I’m not one to pass up a challenge,” Gai declares. The Nine-Tails’ magic is almost scorching now; no wonder the Foxwood is withered and black. The earth crunches as Gai walks towards the Beast. The parched air sears his lungs with every breath - but it warms him where it would burn almost anyone else. “Shall we see?”
Steam rushes from the Nine-Tails’ mouth. Its eyes narrow, two red suns split by darkness. Gai holds his head high and bats towards the Nine-Tails with his walking stick. It certainly won’t reach, but the Nine-Tails glares upon it as though it could.
The Nine-Tails growls, teeth grinding together. It drops its head for a moment, stretching forward like a snake. Orange fur and firelight fills Gai’s vision, and though he doubts it could eat him, it almost certainly wants to.
“Walk in whatever direction you wish," it says, so close now that Gai could smack it with his walking stick. He might do if it gnashes its teeth again. And he will certainly do so if it sends him anywhere but Kakashi. "My shrine will find you. Your thunderbird is there."
A shrine, Gai thinks, vowing to keep his eyes peeled. He can't recall Kakashi or Yamato mentioning the Foxwood shrine before, and he didn't think to ask Kushina. Hopefully it's not too far.
“Thank you very much,” he says, bowing slightly. The muscles in his back snap tight. Perhaps it's the pain inhibiting his common sense, but something possesses him to reach out and pat the Nine-Tails’ nose. "I hope we don't meet again."
The Nine-Tails rolls its eyes. "For my sake," it agrees.
Gai only has to rest twice more before the Foxwood shrine reveals itself. His walking stick starts to clack against stone. Steps rise from the earth, shallow at first and mostly hidden beneath the leaves, but sharply steepening. He trips twice before deciding to clear the leaves as he climbs. It’s a slow climb. He’s tempted to burn them all away with a flicker of phoenix fire, but the Foxwood might change its mind about showing him the way. The stairs lead up an unfathomable distance, guarded by fox statues at either side. He feels their carved eyes watching and doesn’t turn back to look.
Leaving his wheelchair with Mirai was the right decision after all, but still Gai wishes for it when he reaches the top. The pedestals of the stone lanterns are a tempting place to perch but he refrains. He’ll sit on the ground if he must, but only after locating Kakashi.
The shrine is smaller than he expected and raised even further from the ground. Unlike the black bark of the forest, the wood of the shrine is red. It reminds him of the gate on the forest outskirts, where he left Mirai. Just before the shrine is platform entirely untouched by leaves, dark and smooth. Carved within it is a seal far beyond Gai’s understanding. He recognises few of the characters - but from what he does recognise, he steers clear.
You’ve no need for my flame, the Nine-Tails had said. He wonders how many people have died here in pursuit of that power.
“Gai?”
The call is incredulous and familiar. Gai swivels around and there is Kakashi, wide-eyed and glorious and all but tripping over himself. Rapture and relief swell up inside Gai’s chest. He clambers down from the platform, throwing his arms around Kakashi’s shoulders. The Nine-Tails spoke true after all.
“Rival! I’ve found you!” The exclamation of triumph bursts free. He squeezes tightly, not convinced Kakashi won't disappear as the Nine-Tails had. But Kakashi is cold and solid, unlike the Beast, and his feathers (though unseen) ruffle up under Gai’s hands. “Are you all right?”
"Fine," Kakashi replies with a baffled tone. He pats Gai's back as though he can't quite believe his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
Gai grins, thrilled to surprise his oldest and greatest friend after all these years. The unexpected should be expected when it comes to the fire-sung Maito Gai!
“Looking for you, of course! Many of our friends in the village were concerned about your disappearance so I promised to set their minds at ease. I knew you would be here!" He holds Kakashi at arm's length, checking him over. Kakashi's track record with the Tailed Beasts is a violent one. "I know this is unprecedented of me, but...”
Kakashi shrugs free. The pinch to his eyebrows is concern, not distress. There's a moody flicker to his magic like a hurricane swirling in place, but that's to be expected. He can't open his wings here, Gai recalls, can't call down the rain. He'll probably flash-flood poor Mirai and their campsite as soon as they leave this forest, and Gai looks forward to it. Otherwise, Kakashi looks… fine. There's not a scratch on him. The only difference is that he's lost one of his earrings. Gai tucks back a bolt of white hair, relieved that Kakashi has come to no harm, but certain there's something brewing in his mind.
“Don’t tell me you came all this way by yourself," Kakashi says, quirking an eyebrow.
Gai's all-over burn hides the blush on his face. “Not the entire way! Mirai kindly escorted me to the forest. She's waiting for us. I also briefly encountered the Nine-Tails.”
“I can tell,” Kakashi says, inspecting Gai’s reddened hands. His touch is rain-water, brief and cold. He rubs along Gai's knuckles with care. “Did you punch it?”
“I… thought it wise not to."
Kakashi smiles. It's genuine - but that's no surprise. He'll revel in any opportunity to wind up the Nine-Tails. “Shame. It would’ve deserved it.”
Gai can't help but cast his mind back to the storm-tempered thunderbird that crashed into his life all those centuries ago. Kakashi had been as volatile as the lightning that threw him. It wasn't a happy time for either of them, but Gai thinks back to it fondly. He is grateful, in a way, that the Nine-Tails sent Kakashi to him. But the Beast will not hear Gai's thanks. Kakashi may be happy now because of it, but that doesn't change the fact the Nine-Tails sent him to Gai to die.
He wishes he had punched it.
"You've lost an earring, you know."
"What?" Kakashi's hand rises to his ear. His smile drops. "Damn, must've fallen out while I was…"
While he was what, he doesn't say. He left Konoha in a hurry, vaguely notifying his office team and no-one else. Even Gai had learned of his absence second-hand. He could have lost an earring anywhere; anything could have happened to him.
Gai squeezes Kakashi's hands. Better to face the facts than worry about the possibilities. “Whatever you were looking for must have been important,” he says, and he doesn’t doubt that it was. Kakashi has been good to the village, despite everyone’s initial fears, and he wouldn’t abandon it at such short notice without good reason.
“It was,” Kakashi says, casting his eyes down. Oh. “It still is.” A forlorn expression passes across his face, but it’s gone between one blink and the next. He hardly needs to hide it; Gai would recognise it anywhere. It plagued Kakashi's face in the years-long fallout from the Eighth Gate.
“This is about -?”
“Everyone was worried?” Kakashi interrupts. He’ll never lower himself to begging, but even his poppy-red eye pleads with Gai not to ask.
Gai doesn't sigh at his husband - he never does - but his mouth flattens. He's more familiar with Kakashi's flaws than his own - of which they both have many - but that Kakashi chooses not to disclose his actions or concerns still hurts. Gai doesn't need to remind him of that: they both know.
“Immensely. As High Mage -”
“Maa, I know, I know. I shouldn't have run off. But they can manage everything without me.”
“And they have done so admirably!" Gai assures, bobbing Kakashi's hands up and down. The people of Konoha are truly dependable! "But you’re the heart of our village and we all wish to see you home. I don’t need my powers to be happy, love. As long as you’re here, I have everything I could ask for.”
Kakashi seems sceptical - but also too embarrassed to contest it. His mouth wobbles in what could almost be a smile. “I know you miss your wings.”
Of course Gai does. Of course. He misses the sky; rivalling the sun. He misses chasing Kakashi up into the air. There are a thousand things to miss but many more to be grateful for, too. “I do. But I miss you more when you’re gone.”
Kakashi ducks his head, chastised. Gai hadn't meant to criticise and he kisses Kakashi's forehead to soften the blow. He doesn't seem Kakashi's eyes close like a content cat, but he doesn't need to.
“I heard a rumour I couldn’t ignore," Kakashi offers, shrugging. "But it didn’t amount to anything. This was all for nothing.”
“For nothing? There’s no such thing!" Gai exclaims, gesturing widely. He nearly over balances as he does, catching himself with his cane. Pain zips down his leg but maintains his cheer. "I finally got to see the Foxwood with my own eyes! It was about time, don't you think? It’s a wonderful place and I can see why the Nine-Tails thrives here! Although I must say, I think it’s best I don’t return. I may have upset our host.”
“Upset?”
“Well. Threatened.”
“Threatened?” Kakashi echoes, delighted. “Tell me everything.”
A great gale rushes through the wood before Gai gets the chance. He plants his feet firmly as hot air crashes against them, the trees creaking in the gust. Leaves whip up from the forest floor in an explosion of gold and orange. Then like a sky parting after a storm, the trees seem to move, shedding their leaves and branches as they do. The path up to the shrine widens, stones popping up from the ground like mushrooms springing to life. Gai covers his face from the onslaught of twigs and earth. Through the gaps in his fingers, he sees something that shouldn’t be possible: a familiar red gate in the distance. Above it, a dark expanse of sky stretches out, so unlike the fiery haze of the Foxwood. He can almost imagine the plume of fire from the campsite; can nearly hear Mirai’s muttering as she paces around. Then the leaves settle, scattered in a million directions.
Kakashi plucks one out of his hair. “Threatened, you said?" He laughs as the earth under their feet starts to shake. Then he holds out his arm for Gai to take. "I think that's our cue."
Mirai is, indeed, pacing upon their arrival. The forest doesn't quite have the animacy to spit them out, but the trees crash back together with a sense of finality as soon as Gai and Kakashi reach the border. Mirai bounds over to them as only a wind-user can, with two great leaps and a gale of her own. Her magic is cool and sharp in comparison to the Nine-Tails' fire, as strong as her father's and precise as her mother's. It isn't enough to knock Kakashi off his feet, but Mirai jabbing her staff under his chin nearly does.
"Sensei's gonna be mad, you know," she says by way of greeting. Mad isn't an emotion that Shikamaru experiences often, but Kakashi blanches, rightfully fearing an exasperated Shadow Mage. Mirai nods and pulls back her staff, apparently pleased with this reaction. "Gai-sensei, you must've been on your feet for hours. Let me grab your wheelchair."
She dashes off as fast as she arrived, the night air whipping around her. Kakashi and Gai exchange a smile.
"I'm gonna be in trouble, aren't I?"
Gai laughs. He curls his arm around Kakashi's waist, holding him close. His legs are shaking with the effort to stand, but Mirai is already clattering back with his wheelchair. "I think you'll have deserved it, love."
Kakashi huffs. "I could just fly away right now."
It wouldn't be the first time. "You could," Gai says; you won't, he means. He's as sure of it as he is of the icy feather around his neck. He tips back his chin, all but daring Kakashi to prove him wrong.
Kakashi rolls his eyes, defeated. "Guess you're right," he says, and he kisses Gai's cheek before ushering them back to the camp.