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The Doctor shot up with a start, his hearts racing. The sound of his scream still lingered in the air. He'd pictured it so perfectly, as if it had just happened: the void, the Daleks, Rose slipping into nothingness but this time Pete wasn’t there to catch her.
He ran a hand over his face as his eyes adjusted to the dark room. He was on the floor of the library, a makeshift bed of blankets beneath him and burnt out fireplace at his feet. He’d fallen asleep in stranger places before though not often. Memories of the previous night came flooding back to him as he felt around the blankets beside him. Rose. She was back. In some impossible to believe way, she was back. She’d defied all the odds and returned to him. They’d sat on the bench in the park talking until the cold had become too much. He’d practically dragged her back to the TARDIS and to the library where he’d thrown all the blankets in the room on to the floor. They’d curled up in front of the roaring fireplace, shoulders against shoulders, thighs against thighs, as she’d continued her story of her life and departure from the parallel universe.
When she’d cried he’d held her. He ran his fingers through her hair and pressed gentle kisses against the top of her head until she had fallen asleep. He stayed wrapped around her and must have followed her into slumber some time later, the sound of her breathing lulling him to sleep. He could almost feel the warmth of her still in his arms but as he looked around the room his hearts stuttered as he realized he was once more alone.
Had he imagined it all again? He thought for sure she was real this time. He’d never been able to touch her before now and she felt so solid and warm beneath his fingers. He ached to yell out for her, to call her name, to will her into being but held his tongue as he tried to calm himself. He heard the door to the library creak open and a figure moved through the darkness towards him.
“You’re awake.” A gentle voice said softly. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”
He shook his head, “No, no. I uh, I had a dream.”
The figure dropped down to sit next to him on the blankets. He could make out some of her features now and his breath caught in his throat. He reached out and ran his fingers softly against the side of her head, through her soft blond hair, sleep tousled but beautiful all the same. He trailed his touch over her cheek, her nose, her chin, her lips. He felt her smile against his skin as she placed a kiss against his fingertips.
“I’m here, Doctor,” Rose said softly, reassuringly. “I’m here.”
In a moment his lips were on hers. She was there, real, beneath his touch and she matched him breath for breath. His hand was cupping her cheek and he felt her press her palm against the back of it and entwine her fingers between his. Her other hand tangled in his hair and held him close. Minutes, or hours, or days may have passed before she finally pulled back and pressed her forehead against his.
“I’m here. It’s okay.” She whispered, her breath ghosting over his cheek.
He swallowed hard, wrapped his free arm tightly around her waist and pulled her into his chest. He held her head gently against his shoulder and returned to running his fingers through her hair. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get over the feeling of the soft strands between his fingers once more.
“I can’t lose you. Not again.” He finally admitted into the darkness.
“You’re not going to. We have forever now.” She replied and he could tell she meant it.
He laid back down on the blankets and gently pulled her down atop him. She turned so she was cradled against his side, her head resting on his chest and her arm wrapped around his waist. This body had never been one for physical affection but he felt that part of him shut off for the remainder of the night as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tighter.
He listened to her steady breathing, her single heartbeat as it pounded solidly against his side. She’d already done the impossible in returning to him again. Who was he to deny her belief in Forever? Still, Forever was always at risk. There were so many things that could end it early. From something as big as a crack in the universe to as small as a blink or fingers slipping from a lever. He wanted to believe in her Forever, especially now that they had a chance at it together, but he’d lost her once and knew how easily it could happen again. He couldn’t believe in Forever, but what he could do was accept the grim possibility that this may be a timeline where they don’t have it. He’d hold her, kiss her, love her as if he’d never get the chance again. And if Forever did exist, well, all the better he supposed.