Chapter Text
<p>Trixie missed Lucifer a lot. Maybe more than her mom did. But maybe only just as much as she did because Trixie was tired of waking up and seeing her mom continue to be sad and not being able to do anything about it.
"Mom," Trixie called, coming out of her room. She was wearing a brand-new jean skirt that Maze had helped her pick out, since it was her first year of middle school. She'd only been there for three days, but she could assure anyone who asked that sixth grade was literal Hell. The food was bad, the homework was worse, and the people were plain awful. "Can you French braid my hair? Into pigtails?"
"Whatever you want, baby," Chloe answered, setting down her iPad and motioning for Trixie to sit at the breakfast bar. Chloe had bags under her eyes, and her hair was piled into a messy bun. Chloe had tried really hard to make it seem like everything was okay, but Trixie could tell that it wasn't true. Trixie could always tell.
"When's Lucifer coming back?" Trixie wondered aloud as her mother tangled her hands into her hair, pulling it gently into the requested braids.
First, Chloe had told her that Lucifer was going on a vacation like they had when they toured Europe. Then, she had told her that he had a family emergency to take care of. But that had been six months ago, and Trixie really missed him.
"I don't know, love bug. I don't know."
Trixie didn't know the extent of her mother's relationship with Lucifer; they had been partners and friends, and Chloe had never told Trixie that she liked him, like like-liked him, but Trixie was certain that it had been the case. Especially seeing how upset her mother was with his absence. She had started talking of him just like she talked of Trixie's dead grandfather, and Trixie hoped that Lucifer wasn't dead, too. Oh well. If he was dead, someone would have definitely told her.
##
"Maze," Trixie asked from behind the bar. Maze didn't live with them anymore because she stayed at Lucifer's. Sometimes she would pick Trixie up from school, which were Trixie's favorite days. "Is Lucifer dead?"
Maze stalled, emptying the rest of the whisky bottle into her glass. Maze had never offered it to her since the first time that they had met, and Trixie really wished that she would. She knew now that it was alcohol, and it was in all the movies. She wanted to know what it tasted like. She was old enough now to know the truth—she was twelve.
Maze drank the entire glass in one gulp, and then set it down with a clink. "Nope."
"Where is he? Is he still with his family?"
"He's in Hell," Maze answered, leaning against the counter, arms crossed. Maze missed Lucifer more than she ever thought she would—but mostly she was angry with him. Beyond angry. He had left her behind after all she had done to follow him. And so what if she actually had come to be fond of Earth. If she liked the humans, if she liked Trixie, if she liked Eve, and partying and dancing and the taste of peanut butter—they didn't have that in Hell. She pushed away all of those feelings to focus on how angry she was at Lucifer for not being here. For sacrificing himself.
Those humans didn't realize what a service he was doing keeping all those souls away, and yet they continued to blame him for everything.
But then Trixie surprised her.
"Hell isn't real," she said flippantly, tossing her braid over her shoulder.
Maze's brows furrowed and she stared at the child in front of her. Trixie didn't consider herself a child anymore—no one in sixth grade did—but Maze continued to only see her as that. She'd never seen a human child develop before. Didn't quite understand what had changed from Trixie believing the falsehoods, that she could be president of Mars to not believing in Hell, the truths.
"Yes, it is," Maze argued.
"No, it isn't."
"Yes, it is," She insisted, leaning forward even further, now glaring.
But Trixie wasn't fazed. She was in middle school now. She had real homework and real responsibilities. There was even a boy who had a crush on her now. She couldn't be fooled anymore. "It's just like the North Pole. Another one of those things adults tell kids to make them be good. Except Hell is the grown-up version. To make grown-ups behave."
Maze sighed, then stood up and reached behind her for more of the alcohol. It hardly fazed her. This one was Grey Goose. Vodka, her second favorite. She drank it straight from the bottle, then set it on the counter between them. Trixie's deep brown eyes were still watching her.
"Why don't you think it's real?"
Trixie shrugged. "It's just not. It's fairytale stuff."
Maze raised an eyebrow. "What do you think happens when you die then?"
"Nothing happens. It's just black. Like dark matter. In space."
Maze remembered the little girl not quite so long ago whose ambition was to be the president of Mars. The memory overwhelmed her, a happier time, when they had spent hours dressing up for Halloween, when Maze had shown Trixie what she really looked like, and Trixie had thought it was cool. She missed that little girl. Maze picked up the bottle and began to drink from it again.
"Is Lucifer dead?" Trixie asked her again, watching her closely.
Maze set down the bottle and raised her eyebrows. "I told you already. He's in Hell."
They stared at each other again, and finally Trixie reached into her backpack and pulled out her homework. Her drawing assignment was hard work, and she bet that if Lucifer came back, he would be able to help her.
He was good at a lot of things.
##
Mr. Wyatt reminded her of Lucifer because of his accent. He was her art teacher, and she had art for fifth period. He was from London and had moved to LA to pursue a career in acting, but he told them on the first day of class that he was only doing commercials for now. That he was trying to take some time to learn the culture of Los Angeles before moving headstrong into his acting.
"Hi Mr. Wyatt," Trixie greeted him, once the bell had rung and the class had filed out. Trixie hated having so many teachers in one day, but she had to admit it was nice to have a change.
"Beatrice," he said, smiling down at her. She didn't know why he insisted on calling her by her full name—she hated it. "What can I do for you? Did you understand yesterday's homework?"
"Yes," she frowned. Trixie never had a problem with homework. It was all easy for her. "Why?"
"Well, you didn't quite do the last assignment correctly—you were supposed to draw something that makes you happy. This looks quite the opposite," he replied, taking out a stack of papers and thumbing through it until he found hers.
Trixie had drawn the gates of Hell, complete with plenty of fire and green little serpents. She drew Lucifer there in the corner just for the kick of it. She'd given him a pitchfork and a tail and horns. It wasn't meant to be sad; just truthful. After Maze had told her that Lucifer was there, she couldn't get it out of her mind. She knew that they were all being metaphorical, all of them speaking in codes to keep her from knowing the truth—maybe Lucifer had become a drug addict or fled the country; maybe he'd gotten in trouble for not paying his taxes.
"Mr. Wyatt," she questioned, looking up at the man and squinting. He was tall and had dark hair, but he wasn't as pretty as Lucifer. Maybe he'd heard of him. "Do you know Lucifer Morningstar? He's British, like you."
Mr. Wyatt smiled and set her drawing back down, crossing his arms and staring down at her. "The UK's quite a big place."
"Lucifer's rich. Really rich. He's kind of famous too. He owns his own nightclub."
The man's lips were in a straight line and he shook his head, probably questioning whether or not a twelve-year-old should know what a nightclub was. Oh well, technology had already ruined the planet and the hope of every future generation. "I'm afraid I don't know of him. You better go ahead to class before you miss the bell. Oh, and Beatrice?" He called, just as she was about to leave the room. "Draw something happier next time, alright?"
Trixie didn't smile at him, but she kept walking anyway. Happy meant different things to different people.
##
The boy with the crush on her was called Jesús. He'd just moved from San Diego, and he was only a few inches taller than Trixie. They had math and science together, and Jesús liked to sit with Trixie and her friends at lunch—he didn't know anyone else. He had two dimples and he wore a crucifix beneath his Harry Potter t-shirt. Trixie caught a glance of it in the lunch line when he bent over to get a corndog.
"Do you believe in God?" She whispered, picking up her own food and looking over at him.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "My name is Jesús."
Trixie laughed and he grinned at her. She grinned back, and the guy behind them cleared his throat for them to keep moving. They paid for their food and made their way out to the cafeteria, where there were hundreds of students outside already. The middle school, even though it only had three grades, was a lot bigger than her old school. Trixie continued to grin, but she didn't want Jesús to see her, so she looked down at her boots. They were really cool—lace up one's colored pink and purple and blue. Maze had helped her pick them out when they'd gone back to school shopping together.
"So you think Hell is real too, then?" Trixie asked him as they sat down at one of the long brown tables. Her friends weren't there yet, and they couldn't be considered Jesús's friends—at least not yet.
"Of course," he said, shoveling corn into his mouth. "Don't you?"
Trixie probably had more proof than anyone. But she only shrugged.
"My ma is real into it," Jesús continued. "She won't even let us watch horror movies or anything because she says that demons can use them to get inside our souls. We have holy water in the living room, even. Our house was blessed by a real priest. My tía's a nun."
Trixie's eyes widened. "That's so cool. Does she actually get to talk to God?"
Jesús laughed. "That's not how it works. I don't really get to see her anymore. She has to stay at the church all the time. And she only gets like, one week off a year."
One of the boys at the end of the table spewed milk everywhere, and Trixie rolled her eyes. Boys were still stupid, no matter how old they got.
Trixie's friend Becca sat down, slamming her tray in front of them. She immediately started talking about what had happened on Snapchat the night before, when Veronica Mendes, who had used to be in their friend group, had posted pictures of her with the demon filter.
Jesús and Trixie met each other's eyes and grinned. Trixie was starting to really like the way his dimples looked. They made him look kind of like a famous singer. They were still grinning at each other as the table filled up with all of Trixie's friends, who all had opinions on Becca and the demon filter.
Trixie had a hard time knowing what to say. She thought that it was mean, but she knew that Becca had been really mean to Veronica Mendes before, too. Becca had told everyone that Veronica had slobbered all over this boy's face when they were making out, when even Trixie knew that Veronica Mendes hadn't had her first kiss yet, because no one in their friend group had.
Jesús was the only boy sitting at their table. He shrugged. "Maybe you should ignore her. It's just a joke."
Becca glared at him, but Trixie smiled. Becca ignored him for the rest of lunch, and the rest of the girls did too. He waited until the rest of them had left and he and Trixie were walking to science to ask her.
"Do you want to go to the movies on Saturday?" he asked, not looking at her, and gazing specifically at the linoleum in front of them. The hallway was full of green colored lockers, but no one ever used them. Most of their lessons were electronic, so they only carried around laptops. "There's this really cool new spy movie coming out, about how someone tries to kill the Queen. It's rated PG-13, but they probably won't ask. My older brother can drive us. You know, if you want."
He looked worriedly over at her. Trixie didn't miss a beat as they walked into their science class. "I'll ask my mom."
They had assigned seats and sat on opposite sides of the classroom, so Trixie didn't talk to him anymore. Still she couldn't believe that a boy had just asked her to go to the movies with him—she really was grown-up!
##
Both Chloe and Dan were working overnight, so Trixie had a babysitter. She insisted that she was old enough to stay by herself, but Chloe wouldn’t allow it. This also meant she didn't get to ask Chloe if she could go to the movies with Jesús. She for sure wasn't going to ask her dad if he was okay with it. Instead, she lay in her bed, closed her eyes, and decided to pray.
Dear God. I'm not really sure if you're real or not, but Jesús does, and I really like him a lot. I really want to go to the movies with him, so could you please make my mom say yes? Also, if you are real, and you are listening, can you make Lucifer come back? Please. It'd make her really happy. Thanks. Amen.
##
It looked like Trixie would have to decide to believe in God, because Chloe said yes to the movies, but exasperatedly that, no, she hadn't seen Lucifer yet. Trixie just shook her head triumphantly because she now thought that maybe God was real and he wouldn't leave her hanging.
At exactly 1:30pm on Saturday, Jesús and his older brother Hugo picked her up. It was an old two-door Nissan, and Hugo drove awfully, but every few minutes, Jesús would turn around and grin at her, showing off his dimples, and Trixie knew that it was worth it.
The sun was bright as always, and Hugo went through the McDonald's drive-thru. Jesús and her got a twenty-piece nugget to share. Hugo didn't talk much; he had a couple tattoos and his hair was curly. Jesús told her that Hugo was already in college, that he was at UCLA studying anthropology, which Trixie didn't entirely know what that meant, but figured it was a big deal just by how many syllables it had.
Hugo dropped them off outside of the movie theater, promising to come back in two hours, and reminding Jesús to keep his phone in his pocket. He said something in Spanish too, but Trixie didn't speak it well enough to understand.
Jesús was a lot quieter now that it was just them, too. He tried to pay for her ticket, but Trixie had used the money her mom gave her because of all the times that she'd been told it was a man's man's world and she didn't want to partake in that, either.
Trixie bought popcorn for them to share, and Jesús bought them drinks and candy. He told her that he had used his babysitting money to pay for the movie. Trixie felt her cheeks heat up at the fact that Jesús was a babysitter while she still had a babysitter.
She should have talked to Maze about what she was supposed to do at the movies. Maze would have known what to do.
The theater was completely empty besides the two of them, which made sense because this movie had been out for a while. If Jesús hadn't asked her to see it, Trixie would have suggested they see the new Star Wars.
"Where do you want to sit?" Jesús asked, as they observed the rows and rows of seats.
He gestured to the back, and Trixie's face flamed even more because of all the times that Becca had told her of how the back row of the theater was called Make-Out Row, and how her older sister had lost her whole virginity in one of these rooms.
Trixie didn't even know how to kiss. She couldn't do anything more than that. Startled, she pointed to the row right in front of them. "Let's sit here."
It was the kind of seats that were so close to the screen that they would have to crane their necks to look at them, and Jesús looked like he was just about to say something, but then he shrugged and scooted into the row. Trixie followed him, and for a few minutes, they oriented themselves.
Trixie didn't know why she was so nervous.
After all, Jesús was just a boy, and they were only in sixth grade. But she was all sweaty and nervous, and even when the trailers started and she saw Jesús put his hand on the arm rest, just like all the boys did in movies, she was careful to keep hers draped in her lap, cradling the popcorn.
But the movie was so bad. And this was her friend Jesús. She glanced over at him out of the corner of her eye, watching how entranced he was by the movie, how he kept laughing and showing off those dimples every single time. Finally, she reached over and poked his hand with her pinky finger.
He caught her eye and grinned, interlacing their fingers, and then looked back at the screen. Jesús continued to laugh intermittently, but Trixie could hardly contain her glee.
She was holding hands with a boy! Just wait till Becca heard! They held hands the whole length of the movie, and when it was over, they sat watching the credits.
"That was awesome!" Jesús cried, letting go of her hand and throwing his into the air to show his surprise. "Like did you see how she wasn't just a double agent? She was a triple agent! A quadruple agent! That was so cool! I want to see it again."
Trixie hadn't really been paying much attention to the movie, so she was thoroughly confused by how many different doublings of agents there were.
Then Trixie wasn't even sure how it happened, but she blinked and then Jesús had pressed his lips against hers, her eyes still wide open.
Her eyes widened even further, as she was surprised by how this felt like nothing she had read about. There were no fireworks, no special feelings. It didn't feel like the world had suddenly begun again. It just felt like his lips against hers. But still when he pulled back, she lifted her hand to her lips, because they felt like they had been scorched.
"What on Earth are you doing, urchin?" A familiar voice startled her, and Trixie jumped out of her seat as she turned to see Lucifer standing in the doorway of the movie theatre.
She had thought that God would pull through.
"Lucifer!" She cried, running over and throwing her arms around him. He didn't flinch away from her like he normally did, and instead patted her on the head.
"Yes, I'm afraid it is me," he said. "Who's your friend, child? Or your, er, more than friend."
Trixie took his arm and led him over to where the boy was still sitting, looking completely embarrassed and somewhat scared. Lucifer kind of looked like he might be Trixie's dad—they both had dark hair and eyes, and Jesús had never met her dad before. Though Trixie called him by his first name, and if Jesús called his dad by his name, he'd be in trouble for a week.
"This is Jesús," she explained. "My friend."
"You humans always do have a knack for naming their offspring after the most boring of people." He snorted, then his eyes flickered down to the boy. He grinned, playing with his cuffs. "What's your surname, child? Milagro?"
Jesús's eyes widened, not quite getting the joke. "No, sir. It's Hernandez."
"This is Lucifer," Trixie told him. "My mom's work partner."
Lucifer's smile dropped at the use of the present—just how long would it take for him to be replaced? He'd felt like he'd been in Hell for years, but only six months had passed here. And for Chloe to still consider him her partner—he felt a strange sensation in his chest.
But Jesús's eyes widened even further and he gasped. "Like the devil?"
"Precisely," Lucifer quipped. "Now come on, children. Pip pip. Now, how are you getting home?"
Trixie indicated that she was to leave with Jesús, but Lucifer shook his head. "Absolutely not. You're coming with me."
Trixie followed him as he walked towards the exit of the theatre, squinting as they made the transition from the dark of the theatre to the light outside. Lucifer smelt like cigarettes, and unlike the cologne she remembered that he used. He was dressed in one of his suits, but his shoes were a little scuffed up. She wrinkled her nose—Lucifer would never dress like that.
Jesús rushed to keep up with them but he kept falling behind. And Lucifer hadn't seemed to like him at all.
When they reached the outside, Hugo was waiting for him, and Trixie noticed it at the same time that he did.
She came to a stop, and Lucifer huffed and looked down at her. "What is it now—Oh."
Trixie reached forward and gave Jesús a hug. "Thanks for inviting me to the movies."
Jesús grinned at her. "Thanks for coming with me."
Lucifer rolled his eyes and pinched Trixie's shirt, pulling it lightly, but with enough force so that she jolted away. "Come on, child, I haven't got all day."
Trixie huffed at him then grinned again at Jesús, promising to text him that night. Lucifer rolled his eyes three more times and then pulled at Trixie's sleeve again. Finally, she turned away. They were in step as they reached his Camaro, and Trixie would have asked if she could drive it finally, if it weren't for the fact that Lucifer was staring at her as if she had lost her mind.
"Where did you go?" Trixie asked him cheerfully as they got inside.
Lucifer didn't crank up the engine as he turned to face her. He raised one eyebrow. "I was in Hell."
"No, I mean, where did you really go?"
He exhaled. Now he'd have to convince the detective's offspring as well? She had always seemed to believe him, some part of her, at least. "I was in Hell," he repeated dryly.
Trixie rolled her eyes. "It's okay, Lucifer. You can tell me the truth. I'm a lot older now. I mean," she leaned in towards him, and then squealed so loud that he jerked away. "I just had my first kiss!"
She grinned at Lucifer, reminding him much more of a maniac than ever before. It was crazy to him how much she had changed since he'd last seen her. Soon, he wouldn't even call her child. He'd have to stick with urchin.
"Where are we going?" She said, squinting at him as he finally turned the car on. Lucifer looked at her again and then looked forward, shifting into gear. As he drove out of the parking lot, he muttered, "To see your mother."</p>