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He was Orion Pax once – an ordinary Cybertronian, not unlike dozens others of his kin. There is not much left of the curious librarian in him now; Orion’s joyful laughter is silenced forever, as are the ardent notes his voice reached during heated arguments. Optimus Prime is the creation of the Matrix, made to be a leader, a paragon of the dying god; carved out of Orion Pax’s imperfect mold, Optimus Prime shed all parts of the librarian that were deemed unnecessary.
And yet there are things that still remain there, rooted so deep in his spark that they cannot be torn out. There is yearning he is not able to stop, and sorrow that is only worsened with time, when the little archivist’s personal wound was worried and cut deeper by millennias of war and thousands of dead fallen to rust under his feet. There is pain of betrayal that fills him with anger a pristine tool of Primus should not feel – but he feels it, oh, he burns with it! And neither Orion, nor Optimus understand why.
Why did you betray me, brother? We could fulfill our dream together. We could change our world – but when did your pride become more important than common peace?
But Megatron’s betrayal of their cause doesn’t quite hurt as much as Megatron’s betrayal of him. Orion trusted him, and Optimus still does in some strange twisted way; Optimus doesn’t think Megatron would ever repent and come back to him, but he dreams of it – and his impossible dream holds so much power over him that Optimus never manages to go for the kill. He battles Megatron with all he’s got, but he strives to disarm – not to destroy, and when he thinks that Megatron perished – he mourns, and when he learns that Megatron is alive – he is relieved.
Optimus hates himself for his weakness, but is mercy a weakness? Is faith in another’s ability to change a sin? The Matrix is silent, and Optimus doesn’t have an answer for this question; sometimes he wonders if Orion did.
***
Megatron doesn’t trust anyone, for trust is dangerous, trust is foolish. He sees it as a disease which must be averted, and he is disgusted by the memories that tell him with astounding clarity of how he, too, was infected once. He leads an army, but in every cycle of his existence he is ready to stand alone.
Affection means vulnerability. Gentleness is a lie. Megatron allows himself both from time to time, but he is fully aware of the risks and is ready to take them. He may let Starscream live after an attempted coup, he may be considerate of Soundwave’s needs… But there is one mistake he’s not going to make ever again.
Why did you betray me, brother? Was this what I had always been to you – a leverage you used to rise to power, only to cast it aside as soon as you were offered the title of a Prime?
You should have known this, Megatron’s inner voice howls. He’s like all those of higher standing; those who exploit their nameless slaves until they fall apart and need to be replaced; those who take a low-born whore to frag and use thoroughly and ditch when they had their fill. Why did you think he would be any different? And Megatron hates, hates and detests with all fiery passion his temperate spark is capable of, but no amount of hate can weave a shroud of lies thick enough.
There is no hope in him that Optimus will ever come back to him; he knows it is impossible. And so Megatron dreams of taking Optimus down instead, of killing him with his own hands. Optimus belongs to him and him alone, and this, perhaps, is the last remnant of what a young gladiator felt to an Iaconian data clerk.
Everything else is ash and cinder.
***
Optimus knows the temporary truce against Unicron won’t last; he would love to believe it would, but this is a luxury he cannot afford. Megatron’s back against his when they fight in the depth of the Chaos Bringer’s body feels so familiar, so right that Optimus wants to cry. But he cannot succumb to this. When everything will be over, Optimus will have to watch his own back, for Megatron won’t hesitate to stab it.
You will betray me once again.
***
Orion Pax – in the body of Optimus Prime, what a joke! – is quiet and docile; he believes in Megatron’s deceit and smiles at his friend, an apparition of a mech that once graced the tall rooms of the Hall of Records. But Megatron is not fooled, as much as he would – maybe – like to be fooled; he returns Orion’s smile and silently plots the archivist’s death, for he knows how this will end.
You will betray me once again.