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When Keiji joined the police force he took an oath. An oath to uphold the law and to make sure that he stood in front of injustice. He wished that he could go back and tell his younger self that the badge that they put on his chest was actually a noose. A noose that would slowly but surely wrap around his neck. However, he knew that his younger self would never listen. That Keiji believed in doing the right thing and that justice will always prevail. That Keiji wouldn’t notice that his coworkers, the people that took the same oath as him, would take bribes from local gang members or high ranking officials. The young him would surely believed that if he had ever broke the law he would serve his time.
If the badge didn’t choke his younger self, then the current him would have done it.
The distance between the young him and the old him was too far to even calculate. Not just in body, hair, or general attitude. Keiji knew that if his younger self could have a glimpse into the future and saw what he was doing, he would have turned himself in. The thought made him chuckle, but it also made his stomach churn. No matter how hard he flipped it or reversed it, he was no different now from the people that he tried to distance himself from. Though where murderer was branded on their chest, Keiji now had pervert next to it.
Sara…
If the death game flipped all their worlds. Sara not only flipped his, but she shook it up. She was a force that he couldn’t help but to be drawn to. During the first main game even though she was scared she tackled everything with a level headed approach. Her little puppy tagged along not to far from her heel. When she even seemed to lack the courage to do a task Joe would reassure her and she would tackle the task without a second thought. That clear headed nature, the desire to do something right and just when she could. Keiji never believed in destiny or any of that other spiritual bull, but when he officially met her, he felt a jolt run through him.
If someone like her was on the force, he wouldn’t have fallen the way he did. If she was on the force, there was no way he would have murdered someone. Sooner or later, when he caught glimpses of her, his mind would wonder. An older Sara donned in a police uniform with the only goal is to do some good in the world. She’d be his partner in these day dreams of his. Whenever he questioned himself, she would support his younger self and made sure he knew that he was doing the right thing. A younger him would help her hone her already natural ability of deduction and reasoning, and be the shoulder she could lean on when times get tough.
He should have stopped his thoughts there. As far as he could tell she was a high school student and even if there age difference wasn’t vast. It was still a noticeable and a distance he needed to respect. So he tried, he focused on the task in front of him which was escape, if not that, then understand why they were there. Though it was like a force, like a tickle in the back of his neck that wouldn’t relent. He wanted to get to know her more, he wanted to spend more time with her, and he wanted to believe in her.
Keiji was a shitty adult. He wasn’t at the age where he was too old to change, but he had reached the point where he knew everyone was capable of being a shit. Kanna was too young, she would crumble when any adult told her what to do, or more importantly any one with a strong will could manipulate her. Joe, well, he was a dog. Not in a bad way, Joe was kind and friendly, easy going and wanted everyone to get along. He was a bit too naive for how the real world works.
Sara was perfect for the part. She was strong willed and she had enough edge to her to be wary of people. If someone barked at her, she was the type to bark back. Strong in her belief, in the foundation she made for herself. Before he even realized it, he herded people to trust her, and somewhere he slipped up and not only put his trust in her.
His life as well would be in her hands.
The voices in his head whispered to him about what a worthless man he was. How could he do something like that without her permission. He forced a responsibility on her when he should have been the one that lead everyone together. Though the moment he gave her the gun for the russian roulette, the moment they came out unscathed, and when he promised her to tell her anything after this game was over. Keiji could have cared less about responsibilities.
If this game gave him anything. It gave him a mirror to look at and he accepted it. So he could be honest with himself a bit.
When Joe died, a little part of him was relieved.
Keiji became the shoulder she came to. When she questioned things and needed support, when she saw no one else. She saw him. Keiji felt disgusted with himself with his thoughts, but when she came to him, it made him feel light. He felt like a dog that finally got the attention he deserved. Though if he was going to see himself like that, he would make sure he wouldn’t fail her like Joe. Joe was scared to betray her, even leading up to the moment of his death. Keiji could read his heart, how he battled with the lies he told her.
Even if it meant losing her trust, betraying her.
He would make sure that they would both come out alive, and if not him, she would.
So when she invited him to her room and asked to share a bed. He would burn that moment into his brain. He noted every little fidget, how she would get frustrated when he teased her. Keiji loved it, every moment of it. Her weak side, this scared side was just for him and he lapped it up as if he just found water in the desert.
“I don’t see a problem with it.” He told her
He lied, he did.
Keiji was a foreign man to her. He was a stranger to her and sharing bed with strangers was the last thing she should have done. Especially in a death game, who knew what type of monsters lurked in the background. His whispers smirked and he felt them tug on his leash. Maybe she wasn’t as smart as he thought she was, because if that is the case, she wouldn’t have invited him in. She would have noticed the monster he was and kept her at arm's length. Out of all the possible monsters that could have lurked in the death game, he was possibly the biggest one.
And it was getting hard to leash himself when it came to her.
So he tried to scare her. He was bigger than her, stronger than her, and faster than her. When he blocked her in while her back was to the wall. Keiji wanted to show her the monster he could potentially be. The monster that her parents would warn her about, the type Joe would possibly pretend to be strong for her, but most importantly the type that the old him would throw in jail.
“You don’t scare me Keiji.”
When she said that he felt his reason tug at the leash. The way she looked at him, confident and sure. There was a fire in her eyes that could have burned him alive, and he would be thankful for. If it wasn’t for the leashes that held on to him firmly, his reasoning, his morality, and his oath. Keiji would want nothing more than to engulf her in every form of the word. They held him firmly in place as he moved her to the bed and he said those words to her.
“You can trust me.”
But could he trust himself?
As he laid down on top of her.
The answer was no
Their arrangement was painful. It was so ungodly painful for him. Every moment was a new type of torture that he subjected himself to. He grew tired and numb to the world around him since the arrangement. The mental gymnastics that he went through every night had drained him, and some nights he would actually sleep. Keiji had gotten more rest since the arrangement, but at the cost of his sanity. The leashes that kept him bound from making a mistake that he would regret, were slowly wearing thin with each night that had passed.
Soon his thoughts were filled with nothing but her.
When he wasn’t doing attractions or figuring out how to save all their asses. He would find himself almost walking faster than normal to find her. Even though it was torture to sleep with her, it was the only thing that he wanted to do. The only thing that he began to look forward to. When he caught glimpses of her, he wanted nothing more than to walk over, pick her up, and go into her room to sleep. Keiji found that he made a mistake, he overestimated himself and his control. The urge to lock themselves away from the group grew more each time they would share their warmth.
It snapped in two that night.
After that night, everything snapped. Damn his reason, his morality, and his oath. For her, he would throw them aside. If it wasn’t for Gin, he would have locked themselves in that room forever. Although since that night passed, Keiji had grown to seek her out more often. Even during the day where Sara had made it clear she didn’t want for people to know that they were involved. He pranced around that issue like when his coworkers pranced around the law. It was fun, truly fun for him. He caught himself smirking like an idiot when he did it.
It was a game between them, maybe more so him, but he believed that Sara enjoyed it to. The game was to get her alone. It was simple as that, but at the same time it was the fun part. When Gin wasn’t with her, Nao and Ryoko would talk to her, and sometimes even Alice found his way to her. His part was not to get caught and her part was just to lead him. They would catch each other’s eyes and that started the chase. He would always follow behind, 20 steps, enough to keep an eye on her, but at the same time enough for others to not question. When she left the room, he’d watch where everyone line of sight was and when it was good he’d follow suit.
And when he caught her alone…
Oh god, when he caught her alone. It was like something primal consumed him, he wanted nothing more than to consume her. And he did exactly that. He would cup her face and crash their lips together. It was like fire consumed him as soon as he tasted her and he just wanted to share it. He didn’t want her to let her go. He didn’t want her to turn away. Keiji pressed his body against hers, forcing her into whatever little corner they found, until there was no more space and he was pressed up against her.
The longer they kissed, the drunker he got. His senses filled with her and he lost himself in her. Her scent filled his nose and his body went on high alert. When she grabbed his sleeves to pull him closer, he’d go crazy. Although it’d never last as long as he wanted and she would bite the bottom of his lip until he hissed and pulled away. Though it’d be a second of relief before he planted small kisses against her jaw. He reached out for her hand and intertwined their fingers.
Just doing these small things made him feel so light headed.
She would make some sort of excuse to go and he would regretfully let her part.
That was their game and no one was the wiser until….
“You stare at her any harder and she’ll burst into flames.” A small voice had caught his ears while he was in the lobby. He had sat down when Sara and Ryoko had walked in after completing an attraction together. He must have been so deep into his own world that he didn’t hear the footsteps that came up behind him. When he looked up from his seat Sou stood in front of him with a smile that made his blood run cold. Sou leaned in, “Who would have known our friendly neighborhood policeman like high school girls.”
Keiji clenched his fist as Sou leaned back up and took a seat across from him. He did this purposely in the lobby. That way he couldn’t react. Keiji almost chuckled to himself, trapped. Though there was always a reason for Sou’s madness.
“What do you want?” He would have already confronted them both if he wanted to create a scene. Though the simple fact he didn’t do that meant he wanted something. Keiji took a deep breath and steadied himself, he got this.
The green hair boy just smiled a bit as he crossed his legs, “You are pretty chill, thought you’d react differently.”
“And cause a scene.” Keiji shrugged as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Not really much my scene and plus that would cause more trouble than it's worth.”
Sou studied him for a bit, “Don’t want to cause your dear Miss Sara any concern? How nice of you.”
“Cut to the chase Sou, what do you want.”
Sou smiled
Keiji frowned
“50 of your tokens.”
“No.”
It was a like a knee jerk reaction. Sou just rubbed him the wrong way, and it that he always had that shit eating grin on his face. Though his response didn’t seem to interest the green haired boy and he knew exactly why.
“50 of your tokens,” Sou began, “Or your precious ---”
Keiji leaned back in his chair as he looked away, “Do you really want to do that... Sou?”
If Keiji hated one thing, he hated people that thought they were too smart to be caught. Many times Sou rubbed him as a cocky smartass during the first game. It didn’t get any better when he pretended not to know what happened during the main game either. Keiji wasn’t dumb and he didn’t like forcing issues either, so he let it slide. Though he knew it wasn’t going to be long when Sou was going to make his move. However, why he made his move actually threw him off. Why would Sou want his tokens?
“I thought you cared about your dear Miss Sara.” Sou prodded and that was what made him annoyed. He kept his nose to the floor and picked up anything that he could use against the other person for his own game. Even if it meant being the most hated person in the game and that was laughable when there was an actual murderer in their group that held more ground than him. “Or am I’m just imagining the amount of times you sneak off into her room.”
He knew that there was a chance that they could be found out. Though he knew that if it was anyone but Sou, he would just brush it aside. Sou was different though, he wasn’t the type to spare people's feelings, and he would kick up all the dust he could if it meant he could cause friction in the group. Out of all of them that expired in the main game… Someone like Sou should have just ----
Died
It would have been easier if Sou confronted him by himself. Keiji towered over Sou, he knew he could outpower him. Someone like Sou leaned on outsmarting their opponents. Keiji knew that if he had the younger man alone. Sou chose the lobby because if something broke out he would be the aggressor. However if they were alone he could close the distances, wrap his hands around his throat, and snap it with just the right amount of force. People lives were fragile, the right amount of force, the right blow in a certain area, or just the right amount of pressure. No matter the person, they would fall and it wasn’t the death game that taught him that.
“Keiji! You gotta stop him!”
Megumi voice….
Keiji covered his face, shit….
“Keiji!? What are you doing?! Stop them!!”
The sound of a gun being shot…
His stomach churned and he felt as though he was going to puke. Keiji cursed at himself, he wasn’t a kid anymore! He could hold back this nausea feeling that was overwhelming him. He wasn’t a rookie. Keiji closed his eyes and instant regret filled him. Red flashed through his eyes, a limp body, a hand reached out to him, and choked why. Megumi cries echoed in his ears and his eyes shot open. Before him wasn’t any of those scenes. What was in front of him was a rat.
“Sou…” His voice was low, “Are you sure you want to continue down that route.”
Sou smart ass grin disappeared as he realized that Keiji wasn’t going to cave.
“Sou…” Keiji repeated his name lower as he removed his hand from his face as his eyes widen, “I’ve done you a favor… A huge favor…”
Sou pulled up his scarf as Keiji leaned closer as he interlaced his fingers with each other. He looked into the young man's eyes. He stared hard, unblinking as he said the next few words.
“I’m not the type to play games with Sou…” Keiji warned, he couldn’t hold back his malice for the boy in front of him. “I wonder what people would be more willing to overlook. A secret or…”
He let the words sit, “A liar that’s been our midst the entire time and whose still lying now.”
Keiji watched as Sou eyes widen as he connected the dots, his eyes darted to the ground and back to him as if he was trying to piece it together.
“You shouldn’t worry about how I know.” Keiji finally sighed releasing the tension in his shoulders, “Just know to pick your battles more carefully.”
Keiji was done and wanted to erase the presences from his system, but he allowed himself to look at him a bit.
“Next time I won’t be as nice and letting you off.”
For a minute his voice and his superior leaked into one being. For a moment he was the person he hated and yet respected the most.
If he knew what Sou would have done next. He would have let it leaked out and got Alice to back him up. Everything he worked for between him in Sara was resetted to square one when he refused to trade his tokens. Even when she promised to return them to her, he just froze. No matter what, he couldn’t even risk the chance that she could do anything with them. Keiji trusted her with his life, but he there was so many things about him that he felt as though she would push him away for. He couldn’t have that, he didn’t want that, but him not acting was the worst thing he could do.
There were so many emotions that caused a tornado in him. It ranged from wanting to beat the shit out of Sou and to gaining Sara’s trust by any means necessary. He buried the urge to find the green haired boy and reclaim what they lost. That would have made more trouble and he knew that Sou would been have been on guard after pulling that stunt. So that night he went to Sara room, when he knocked on the door, he felt as though she wouldn’t open the door for him, and it eased him thinking that he would be able to talk through the door.
Though when she swung open the door with a frown on her face and he had to see stand there with that burning rage. He felt his words get stuck…
“Sara…” He began, but he couldn’t form any words. Her amethyst eyes were hotter than any flame and it made his heart lurch.
She looked at him, searched him, and he turned away from her gaze.
“I’m sorry.” That was the only thing he could muster as he reached for his back of his neck. He heard her take in a sharp inhalation of air, he was ready for a tongue lashing, but instead in a gentle voice.
“No I am.” She said and he looked at her, her eyes fell to the floor, “I understand, this is a death game, and we are strangers.”
It was like she dug a knife into his chest.
“There secrets, past, things we don’t want to talk about, because we are strangers.” She buried the knife deeper, “Even if we share the same bed, it’s not like we are going to see each other once the game ends.”
That pierced his heart and felt as though someone stole his breath.
“Let’s end our arrangement.” She said and his mind screamed, “I don’t want to lean on you more than I have to.”
It was like she pushed him off a raft in the middle of the sea where they waited for him. Where they teased and mocked him. He gasped for breath, for anything to redeem him, but the only thing he could choke was her name. The thought hurt, it constricted his lungs and made his want to scream. Megumi’s laugh, someone that was being choked by their own blood filled his ears. They were waiting for him, waiting to claim him again. She pushed them back, but they were under the surface just waiting to pull him under. Deeper and deeper until his lungs filled with their regret, their pain, and suffering. Until they claimed his mind and drown it entirely.
Keiji body moved entirely on its own as he forced himself in and shut the door behind him. Before she could complain, he wrapped his arms around her hips and captured her lips.
Don’t abandon me
He felt her struggle to pull back but he pulled her tighter into the embrace. The kiss was desperate, filled with hopes and wishes. He wanted her to feel his loyalty. He wanted to feel his desperation. He bit the bottom of her lip earning a gasp that allowed him to slip his tongue in. Taste him, hold him, but just----
Don’t abandon me!
His mind screamed as he felt her move her arms between them. Megumi’s voice, the sound of gunshots, Megumi’s screams… Sara scent. It all filled his head. And he realized the feeling that was engulfing him was fear. He could pretend to be a normal man with Sara. He could pretend to live a normal life with her by his side. He could pretend to be stronger than he actually was. If she took that away and left him…
I’m scared..
He realized it and it disgusted him. He pulled away, breaking his desperate struggle to hold on to her, but his grip on her was tight. Keiji laid his head on her shoulders before burying his nose into her neck.
“I promise.” Keiji held her so close, he wanted her to feel him, all of him, “I promised remember, back in the first stage. That once we got out of here I’ll tell you anything you want.”
Even if it scared him, even if he didn’t want to. She deserved everything and anything she wanted.
“Just… please don’t…” He almost begged, “Just believe in me for a little while longer.”
Just stay with me for a little while longer
Just trust me for a little while longer
Just don’t abandon me a little while longer…
“Keiji…” Her voice was smooth as she lifted up her arms and wrapped around him. When was the last time he felt this way for a person? When did he feel this comfortable and safe? He had partners, people who shared his bed, people that drowned in pleasures with him, but he never had this. A hug that made him feel so warm and safe. A security away from the coldness that was his own mind. When she pulled away and cupped his face, he wanted nothing more than to lose himself over and over again in her.
She kissed him, even the lightest of brush of her lips on his and his heart lurched forward to grab her. Her kiss was so sweet and innocent, completely different from his primal hunger and absolute need to engulf her. Though he still liked it. He loved it even more. She broke the kiss and planted small butterfly kisses along his jawline, down his neck and then back up. His eyes followed her as her lips fell on his cheek, his nose, his forehead, and back on his lips. Each one gentler than last before she pulled away.
Sara took his hands away from her waist and held it in her owns, “Just for tonight…”
“Let me be alone with my thoughts.”
Her hands were so tiny and warm, but her words smashed though his heart like a hammer. Keiji let his hand dropped from hers and turned his back towards her as he left the room. He opened the door and gently closed it behind him, but he didn’t leave. Keiji pressed his back on the wall as the hands from his past grabbed him. They gripped his neck, their smiles cheesed into a cheshire cat grin, and he felt rage burn from his gut…
Sou…
It’s your turn to die