Chapter Text
Billy,
How have you been? Have you found the California sun yet? I'm sitting here and I can't come up with the reasons why I'm writing this to you. I guess there were some things that were left unsaid that night, things I'm not even sure I could write down right now. Is it weird to say that I miss you? My house feels a whole lot emptier without you in it. A whole lot cleaner too, haha. I guess it's just returned back to normal. I lived like this once before and I should've known you weren't going to stay in Hawkins forever. No one should, this place makes your hair gray and your soul die. I guess it's good that you got out while you could, something tells me I might not be able to. You never fit here, with your California tan during all of those awful winters. Do you miss them, even for a second? I know it wasn't your home but.... I hope you have some good memories from this place. You seem less intimidating from here, pen to paper, where I can't see that little scowl of yours. See? You would never let me get away with that face to face. How far are you from Hawkins? I thought I saw you coming into Scoops last Wednesday. He had blonde hair like yours and was wearing one of those denim jackets you traded in for your leather one when it got too cold. He wasn't you, he turned around and he was anything but you. But for a second there, it was like you were back in this place.
Have you talked to Max? I know she wouldn't tell you but I think she misses you. She put on some Metallica tape when I was driving the kids to the arcade; we all thought it was shit and told her to turn it off but she just stared out the window. And then I didn't want her to turn it off because it reminded me of when you would drive us around.
Remember the first time I sat in the front seat of that Camaro? I couldn't sleep, I was walking in the streets at 3AM like some psychopath and then you saw me and you yelled at me to get in the car. You seemed mad and I didn't get why but I was too tired to fight it. And you turned on the radio and they were playing some Madonna song, and you started talking about real music, how we needed to listen to "real" music and then you put on Metallica. And it sounded awful. It was loud and angry and all in your face, and it was you. I wanted to ask Max for the tape but she seemed sad and I didn't want her to feel like she was losing more of you. I know you and her were never that close but she cares, Billy. And she misses you and I don't think she knows how to say it.
The town seems boring now that you've left it. Like the light has left it and we're walking around in the dark. But Hawkins is a scary place, even if you never believed me and I'm glad you ran. All of the parties seem less.... I don't know what the word is. But they're not the same. It's weird, you left your mark everywhere and now you're just gone. And now what? We're not in high school, I think people are realizing it more and more.
I feel lost, like I'm walking through life blindfolded. Like the days are passing me by and I can't grab on. And now it feels like this is it. It's hard sometimes to imagine that there's a world outside of this place and then I remember that there has to be, because you're in it. You're living life, everyone is, and I don't know how to get in there. But I have these little shits to take care of, that's something, right? Don't make some babysitter joke, if you end up responding to this.
Will you respond to this? I got a hand cramp for nothing if you aren't. But I'd get it. It's not like you left Hawkins and we were best buddies. Billy, you needed to get out of here. I couldn't let you stay for someone who you wouldn't even remember in a couple years. You know that and I know that. You couldn't stay here, you have your writing to share with the world. Become something and don't come back here. Don't come back Billy, because I don't think I could let you go again. I hope that someday, you'll get all of this.
Write back if you can and if you don't, I'll be okay.
- Steve