Work Text:
Dear Roselia,
Our 1 year anniversary! I can’t believe it! We’ve all been through a lot, but it was worth it in the end.
Ako, you’ve improved so much on the drums! The crowd really loves seeing you all pumped up!
Rinko, you used to be so much shyer, but look at you now! You’ve really got a nice shine of confidence in your eyes!
Sayo, well, I can’t say much to you. You’re playing is always fantastic hehe~ But, I guess I’ll say it’s nice to hear you playing with passion. Your sound carries so much more of your soul in it.
Yukina, your singing is so much more radiant than when we started. You’re finally smiling when you sing, and I have to say, it’s the most amazing sight.
You’ve all improved so much. I doubt Future World Fes will continue to just be some dream. I have no doubt you’ll all reach it.
I’ll be with you all the way, cheering you on and pushing you forward, so please, don’t cry about me, okay? When you think of me, smile! I don’t want my existence to be something you feel sad about. I want to exist within all of you as a source of happiness.
Even if you feel sad about me being gone, know that I haven’t left you.
All of our memories, experiences, my bass, my music, and of course Roselia, are still here. They are proof I existed, and they are what will continue to carry my spirit along.
It may be hard, but know that I love all of you, and I’ll be giving you my support through out the rest of your years.
Good luck everyone, I know you can do it!
With everlasting love,
~Imai Lisa
—————
Dear Roselia,
As I’m writing this one, I can’t help but wonder if Roselia actually still exists now. I mean, I’ll have no way of knowing, but I really hope that you guys are still playing, or at the very least, are still together as friends :)
Anyways, Happy 4 Year Anniversary! Woohoo!
I also realized by this letter that I’m not even sure if you guys (*cough* Yukina and Sayo *cough*) even remembered this day as an anniversary to begin with. We officially became a completed band which should be an exciting event, but I have to say, we didn’t really make that big of a deal about it. The more prominent event was our little celebration after our first live. That was the moment we all decided to fully devote ourselves to Roselia.
Through these letters, I really hope you all are able to hold this day as something special. It means everything to me. It’s the first day we became a band, it’s the first day we came together as a united force, it’s the first day we took that one step to our goal.
I wonder what sound you all have created? I wonder what goals you have now? We had agreed to participate in Future World Fes 3 years back. I, of course, couldn’t actually participate, but I can imagine it went well for you all. I hope I was able to help you with that last gift of mine. You guys probably had a bit of a struggle trying to help Yukina learn to play the bass, but I have no doubts that she was able to play it!
It’s... comforting, you know? I will never truly know if you did play use my bass at the FWF, but just the thought that my sound could resonate at least one last time to the world makes me really happy.
I really loved playing with you all.
Good luck Roselia, whether it’s band activities or just general life!
I love all of you with every bit of my heart~
From yours truly,
~Imai Lisa
—————
Dear Roselia,
You already know what time it is!
Happy 10th Anniversary!
10 years huh? Bet it flew by quick!
To think that 10 years ago, we were all a bunch of teenagers in high school trying to be a band...
Wow, I feel old just writing that, and unlike all of you, I’m still 17 right now. Meanwhile you’re all adults.
That idea is honestly frightening. I mean, I can’t even imagine Yukina being able to survive in the real world. No offense, but you can barely take care of yourself. I’ve been concerned if you’ll ever be able to cook meals for yourself. I don’t want my childhood friend surviving off of the convenience store. I’m sure Moca would love the company though~ Oh! I know it’ll have been ten years, but make sure to visit her and say hi sometimes! She’s a weirdo, but she’s a good friend of mine!
Well, anyways, where was I... oh yeah! All of you grown up huh...? I can certainly picture Sayo clearly. She looks like she could wear a nice suit and become the CEO of a company haha! Rinko... a piano teacher? You’ve certainly grown as a person in terms of speech and confidence, but at this current time when I’m writing, I’m not sure how open you’d be to the idea. But, I definitely think it’s something you’d enjoy!
Ako is certainly doing something related to either drumming or games, hands down. If I’m correct, then Ako, you have to leave me some of those chocolates I like! No ifs or buts, or else I’ll come and haunt you~!
Hmmm... as I’ve gotten through so many letters, I’m getting a bit stuck at what I should write. By this point, you’ve probably gotten a bit sick at my childish ways of writing these letters. I can’t fix that, but I definitely could do a better job at the contents of these.
But, I’ll fix that in the next one, tehee~ ☆
I hope you’re all doing well! May Roselia live on in our hearts and for all eternity! I love all of you~
Your resident bassist,
~Imai Lisa
—————
(Traces of tear stains marked the letter inside. Along with that, a smudged dark red mark was on the envelope)
Dear Roselia, my band full of my greatest friends,
Happy 34th Anniversary!
I hope you’re all doing well. I hope you’re all smiling and happy. I hope you’re all still good friends, and I hope you still hold Roselia dear to your hearts.
I will never know if any of you read these letters. All I can simply do is hope that you do.
By now, you’re probably wondering how many of these I’ve made and how much longer you’ll continue to receive them. I of course, have limited energy and time left, but in the end I’m going to do my best to write 50 letters.
So I guess you’re finally getting towards the end of this long conversation with me. It’s a tad depressing the more I think about it. Of course, at this point, my true conversation has long been over. It’s been over for 34 years, and for those 34 years, you’ve all had to deal with me no longer be part of your world.
I’m sorry I left you guys so early on. I know it’s very late to be saying this, but better late than never... right?
There’s still so many things I want to do. There’s still so many memories I want to make with you all, and it hurts that I’ll never be able to make them with you all.
I want to play video games again with you all, even if Yukina, Sayo and I will never compare in skill to you two, Ako and Rinko.
I want to make cookies with you all. Sayo has been learning with me, and I have always wanted you to bake along with us.
I want to try writing a song for you all once more. I’m not the best at lyrics, but I just to be able to make something for Roselia, the band that I love with all my, would really make me happy.
I want to sing more. I want to play the bass more. I want to go to school and spend time with all my friends. I want to stand on stage with Roselia again. I want to be able to make more memories with the people that mean the most to me.
I don’t want to die. I really don’t want to die. I thought I had accepted it already, however, that was simply just a lie to keep myself from breaking in front of all of you.
But, the fact still remains that if you’re reading these letters, it’s proof that my little wish didn’t come true.
How cruel...
Ah, I’m sorry. I ended up going a bit off there hahaha...
I guess writing so many letters at once is starting to get to me a bit mentally and emotionally.
I didn’t notice how negative I was starting to get.
Please don’t let it affect you. I really don’t want that.
Although, I know how you all think, so, I’ll say this:
I died happy. Maybe I don’t know what actually happened, but I can say that I died with happiness in full confidence. I could I not when I have all of you by my side now?
Lots of people don’t get to have everyone they love by their side when they die. I’m lucky that I have all of you.
I don’t regret how I spent my time. I don’t regret all the choices I’ve made. I’m happy with the life I’ve lived, and I happy with all the memories I’ve made. Don’t feel like you could’ve done for me, because I’m satisfied with what you have done. I don’t need anything more than what you’ve already done.
Thank you for being with me everyone.
I love you guys. You really are the greatest people ever!
Roselia’s one and only,
~Imai Lisa
—————
Dear Roselia,
Ahahaha, sorry about the last letter. I got a bit emotional there. I’ve had to calm down between that letter and this one, so no more emotional outbursts (at least for now heh).
Happy 35th Anniversary!
I can’t imagine how much you’ve all grown. Each one of you are a full fledged adult, most likely with a job, and maybe a family!
Hehe, joking. None of you are romance people and I doubt any of you would ever fall in love in.
JOKING JOKING! Hahaha! (Please don’t smack my spirit Sayo and Yukina~)
You’re all amazing people, and I’m sure anyone who get’s to have you as a partner will be very lucky~ Male or female ;)
Yes, I noticed the way you all look at each other.
Ako and Rinko, you’d make a really cute couple! And if you are one, Moca owes me $10 at my grave. I don’t care how long ago that bet was she owes it to me!
And Sayo and Yukina... how could you two not be in love? I’ve seen those looks~ Nothing escapes the eyes of Roselia’s mom! Of course, I also noticed the looks you two were giving me, and I will say......... I did like it >////////< (yes, even if this isn’t a text, it’s my letter so emotes are a must（＾∇＾）)
Sadly, even if you had confessed to me long ago before everything started going south, I would’ve had to turn you both down since I did know my own fate. I wouldn’t have wanted to make it something that would be even harder on you than it already would be.
Ah, I went dark again! Dang it!
Ahahaha, sorry again. I guess everything is starting to get to my heart. I’ve written a lot of letters now. Maybe writing so much is stirring something inside me...
Anyways, I’ve taken up enough of your day! Enjoy the rest of Roselia’s anniversary to your heart’s content!
I love all of you~
The world’s best aspiring gyaru,
~Imai Lisa
—————
(The paper was stained slightly, remnants of someone crying over the letter)
Dear Roselia,
Happy 45th Anniversary!
I’m starting to realize how difficult it is to write letters that have all kinds of different content in them for people over the span of years. I mean, how am I supposed to know what you’ll all be doing? I just kinda have to use my imagination. And who knows, maybe I’ll be spot on, or I’ll be far off.
I don’t have many letters left to write. It’s a bittersweet realization. I’m finally going to be gone for good once it ends. My memory will end there and fade as a part of the past.
Heh... I’m really going to disappear... aren’t I...?
I want to be able to sound happy and cheerful like I normally am, but I don’t think I will be able to for these last few letters. This illness is really starting to affect me mentally and physically. I’m not sure how much time I have left right now. At the very least, I don’t want my last moments to be recorded down as being pretend. If I’m going to write these letters, they should express how I’m truly feeling in the moment.
Usually I ask about your lives, or I just talk to all of you about how I imagine your lives are going, but, as much as I’d like to do that again, I need someone to listen to me. Right now, I need someone to hear this chaos in my head.
It’s overwhelming. It’s painful. It just doesn’t stop. All of these emotions are just swirling in my head. Some are negative, some are positive, but at this point, I can’t decipher which is which. It’s all just one big blur.
However, the easiest ones I can point out now, is that I‘m scared, lonely, and sad.
I just want to be with all of you, but I don’t want you to 1.) see these letters since they are my last surprise gift, and 2.) see me when I’m such a mess. I don’t think I’ve ever felt myself shake so much. I can barely write down what I want to say.
How is someone supposed to act when they’re dying? How is someone supposed to feel when they’re dying?
I’m scared to die. I’m scared that it’ll hurt. I’m scared about what will happen afterwards. Will I be a spirit, or will I just fully disappear?
I’m lonely without you all. I don’t want to leave your side, I want to keep being with everyone. I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with the people I love.
I’m sad that my time is being cut short. It’s unfair. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to leave everything I love behind? Why do I have to have my life taken from me?
And yet... even though I feel this way, I still feel okay with dying somehow.
Is it natural to feel somewhat okay with it as someone my age? Is it strange that I’m partially okay with death?
I don’t even know why I feel okay, or what aspect of it makes me feel okay to die.
It’s not a normal thing, right? Or is it some kind of enlightenment that I’ve had that I’m not fully aware of...?
I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever know.
Yet, I don’t think I need to know.
All I know is this: my life is going to end soon. Whether I like it or not, I’m going to die. So, I plan to live my final days the way I want to. Maybe other people would say I’m wasting the last bits of time I have, but I say otherwise. After all, each day is worth the same, and everything I’ve chosen those days was my decision. I don’t regret what I’ve chosen to do. I’ve lived each day to my satisfaction, no matter what happened. So I’ll continue to do what has always allowed me to live my life with the most joy.
So, with that, I have one little selfish request.
If you can, can you play a song at my grave? It only has to be one. I’d be really happy if you could.
If I end up a spirit, being able to hear our music again would lessen the loneliness. I’d feel some comfort.
Thank you.
You all mean the world to me. I love you guys.
Love,
~Imai Lisa
—————
(Yukina POV)
I stood outside the old live house, waiting for it to open.
Despite the years, CiRCLE still stood proud and strong. New bands cycled through here, gaining their popularity in what was now known as the best live house to exist. It had become a legend. It was where the five most unique and talented bands performed so long ago.
The Girl’s Band Party: Poppin’Party, Hello, Happy World!, Pastel＊Palettes, Afterglow, and of course Roselia...
I remember the days when music was something I thought about every single day. When singing on stage and getting to Future World Fes consumed my very being. Those times were moments I cherished, and also regretted. I was passionate, but too much so. I allowed a single thing to drive me away from people I loved.
Roselia was a band that fueled my passion, but also shaped it. My goals changed as I spent time with my band members, along with my own personality. I became a bit more relaxed, a bit more social, a bit more happy.
“Ah, Yukina, you’re already here.”
“Sayo...”
Roselia’s guitarist, one of my closest friends, and wife, Hikawa Sayo, came walking towards me, two coffees held firm in her hands and a water bottle in coat pocket.
“I figured you’d want something warm to drink,” She smiles softly, handing me one of the hot cups. I accepted, kissing her on the cheek.
“Thank you, although, I thought you were still working. What happened?”
The teal haired girl scratched her cheek awkwardly. “Ah, well... I was spacing out a bit, given what today is, and my boss caught me. He told me to take the rest of the day off, and also wished Roselia a nice anniversary.”
“He knows about Roselia?”
“He had mentioned that he was a fan of the band too. He must have kept track of dates like that.”
A small smile formed on my face. It was comforting to see Roselia still maintaining it’s reputation even after retirement. Our name and music would live on in history. I could almost see your grinning expression at that thought.
“Yukina-saaaaaan! Sorry we’re late!”
The two of us turned our heads to see our feisty drummer sprinting towards us. Her hair had grown out even more, styled nicely to not only make her look fashionable, but also mature.
It was a bit strange for us still, considering we couldn’t see her as anything else but our childish and wild Udagawa Ako who would constantly talk in fantasy and game language.
Behind her followed her own wife. She still had the same nervous and flustered expression that she normally did. Unlike Shirokane Rinko of the past, her black hair was cut in shorter, the ends brushing her shoulders ever so slightly. He fashion tastes hadn’t changed much, but her type of clothing would always suit her.
“Ako, Rinko, I was wondering when you’d both show up,” I teased lightly.
“Hah... hah... sorry for the wait Yukina-san. The art director kept me a bit longer to go over drafts and Rinko has a lesson start late.”
“It was... quite exhausting to try to get here...” Rinko gasped out, stopping to catch her breath.
“Well, it’s good to see both of you doing well,” Sayo said, handing the two the water bottle. They eagerly accepted, downing it all in seconds.
“You say that if we haven’t seen each other in years Sayo-san~” Ako giggled.
“W-Well... three days feels like years...” She mumbled, her face turning red.
I stifled a laugh with Rinko. Sayo turned her gaze to us in embarrassment, whining “Not you two as well...”
These moments we had together were my treasures. They were something I didn’t treasure enough in the past, or rather, I didn’t appreciate what I had in past.
A sting of regret always pierced my heart every time I felt happy, every time I spent time with my friends and family, every time I met up with the other bands, every time I went to that grave on the hill.
If only my past self saw the beauty of the present like I did now...
“Sorry to keep you waiting Roselia!”
—————
Marina, her hair now blotched with gray, unlocked the building for us and we headed over to the studio we used to practice in. I felt a sense of homeyness that I didn’t feel in my actual house. CiRCLE was a place that held more memories than others, as well as all the passion I had created with my band members and the other bands of our time.
“It’s been awhile since we’ve been here, but it still feels the same as it used it,” Sayo smiled, tracing a finger over a speaker.
“Heh, it kinda makes me want to bust out the drum kit again! The dark lord’s revival into the world, or something,” Ako grinned.
“Mhmm... I certainly would love to play keyboard like I used to...” Rinko said softly.
Staring at the mic, I felt the same urge grow inside me. There was something about music that was bound to all of us. It was a part of who we were. It was a part of our life that allowed us to become the people we were now.
“Roselia, I got a letter here for you. Well, more like a package based on the size.”
We turned our gaze to the older women who was holding a large orange envelope. Normally, you had sent the letters in cute red or white envelopes, decorated and signed to your style. My eyes widened a bit as I scanned the mail we had received.
I accepted the package from Marina, and she left us in a state of shock.
“This is... different...” I breathed, breaking the silence.
“Well, she did say it was going to be special.”
“I guess we should open it then. We wouldn’t want to keep Lisa-nee waiting now, would we?”
(End Yukina’s POV)
—————
(The yellow package contained a 2 letters, one which was addressed to Roselia, and the other which was labeled SONG PROJECT, along with a journal. The group letter had many water stains, most likely from someone’s tears)
I don’t think I need to start how I usually would for this one. It just wouldn’t really fit, you know?
I’m not really sure what I want to put in this letter. There’s so much I want to say, and literally little time to say it. I can actually feel myself starting to, very slowly, die. As much as I’d love to turn this last letter into a book length memoir or something, I have to keep it concise.
This is the last letter you’ll receive from me. This is my last statement, my last words, my last connection to world... this is the real end.
I never imagined I’d ever die early, and when I did learn that I would, I never knew how abrupt the realization would feel. They didn’t sugarcoat it, or try to reassure me that something could be done. They simply told me I was going to die in 2 years (Something that I wish could happen instead, but I can’t exactly control my terminal illness).
That happened in my first year of high school. Summed up in my head back then, I was going to live through high school and then never see the world after it. Kinda harsh, you know? I didn’t really know what to think or do. Why try in school if I was just going to die once it all ended? Why try to do well when no college would ever get me as a student? Why make friends if I’m just going to hurt them? Why do anything if I’m just going to die and forget?
I asked my parents to keep quiet about it and they complied. I asked my parents to get me cooking supplies, and they did. Whatever I told them, they did, and through this, I realized how much I hated people knowing I was going to die.
They treated me differently. They didn’t treat me like they would when they didn’t know I was dying. It was just that one fact that made them do exactly what I wanted in order to please the dying girl, to make my life happy because I was different in a sense.
That wasn’t what I wanted. I just wanted to be treated like normal. I didn’t want people to pity me, I didn’t want people to feel bad when they looked at me, and I didn’t want people to feel obligated to do what I wanted.
I wanted my last years in life to feel the same as the rest of my life. The days I lived normally, before I knew of my illness and before I knew of my coming death were the ones I felt the most happy.
I said in a different letter that every day is worth the same. Each day I chose what I did, I chose what I ate, how I focused, how I performed, and whether the result was to my favor or not, I enjoyed every second. Every day had its own worth, and none of them were more precious than the other.
It’s for these ideas, and for these reasons that I didn’t tell any of you about my illness (initially that is, since you all forced me to talk when I got myself in the hospital), or that I’m dying.
You probably all were wondering all these years why I stayed silent, and now, I’ve given you your answer.
Of course, there’s a little more to it as well. I was hoping that by not telling you, you’d be able to live with me in my last moments without too much pain. I know you guys worried about me since I have been in the hospital for a longish stay, but if you knew I was also dying... I... I just didn’t want any of you hurting when you saw me. I didn’t want my presence to be something to remind you that you didn’t have much time left to spend with me.
I hope you can forgive me for that.
(A faded dark red blotch covered the paper here. Blood?)
Ahaha... I’m really pushing it right now.
I better wrap this up.
First, to Ako: You’re such an amazing friend. You’re always full of energy and the way you talk never fails to make me laugh and smile! I love dancing with you at the club, and most of all, I love seeing you on your drum kit. You have an infectious grin whenever you play and I can’t help but feel energized myself when you’re jamming away. I’m glad I was able to meet you my cute junior and friend. I love you lots.
Next, to Rinko: I really wish we could’ve met before Roselia too. Every time we got to hang out was a blast! You may be shy, but you’re certainly not boring like you kept telling me. I enjoy your company. It’s kinda relaxing honestly. And your piano is too. There’s a soothing sound to it that I’ve never heard before, and the melodic flow of it feels almost like a lullaby (good thing I’ve trained myself not to fall asleep to it haha!). My adorable pianist: I’m happy we met, and I’m glad I could be your friend.
On to Sayo: When I first met you, I’ll be honest, I was kinda scared of you. You had such a piercing gaze so sharp that I kinda felt like hiding. But, the more we talked, I realized you were pretty much like Yukina in terms of behavior a bit in personality. So, I decided to do my best to break that cold exterior and what do you know: there’s a really warm person inside~ You’re really a sweet and caring person, a bit awkward and unsure at times, but determined. Your playing is precise and accurate, and now along with it, your passion for music is starting to ooze out of it. You’re a beautiful person with a beautiful skill~ I’m really happy I got to meet you and befriend you, along with falling for you a bit~
And finally, Yukina: My childhood friend, my partner in crime, the one who’s known me my whole life... you’re probably the one who was the most angry at my secret keeping, hell, you might still be angry, and for that, I’m truly sorry Yukina. You know my reasons now, and I hope you can forgive me. All I wanted to do was to keep you from falling apart. You’re dishonest, and completely terrible at being open with your emotions. If I told you I was dying, I knew you’d bottle up all of your sadness, anger and regret, and it would easily break you eventually. I didn’t want to make you suffer. Deep down, you’re a soft person on the inside. You’re sensitive. You try not to show it, but you can’t hide it from me. I know you better than you may even know yourself. And yet, when you sing, you always fill up with strength. You look and sound powerful, commanding, and resolute. There’s still pain in your voice about your father, but you’ve started to smile when you sing, and you’ve begun to sing with a little love for the music. You’ve really grown. I don’t know if you’re still singing or not, but I hope you are. Yukina, you will always be my best friend, and someone I love dearly. Thank you for being by me all these years.
(More faded bloodstains dot the paper)
I’m starting to fade out here. The nurses are going to hear me soon, so it’s time to speed write.
(The writing becomes a bit messy, but Yukina is able to read for the rest of them)
I have two gifts for you all. The first one is a song. I wrote it during my earlier times at the hospital. I’m not a great lyricist yet, but I think even this is something Yukina would be willing to sing. I asked a few of the other bands to help me, so if you’re wondering about the background music, that’s them. They did the arrangement and the piano was a combo of Tsugumi and Arisa. Vocals were me, and I apologize if it’s not that great. This song though is meant for Roselia. I want all of you to play it but of course, it’s up to you.
The second gift is my journal. It’s not a diary though, it’s a photo album. All the photos I took with my phone, and a few other shots I asked some people to take are in this. It’s something that holds my treasured memories I with all of you, and now I ask you all to keep it safe.
You are my treasures, my light, my world and my joy. I’m glad I could be Roselia’s bassist. I’m glad I could be your friend. I’m glad I meant something to all of you. And most of all, I’m glad I could be a part of all your lives.
I’m sad about leaving, but I’m happy too. I feel complete. I feel satisfied. I may not be getting as much time as everyone else to live, but I believe I’ve lived a rich and fulfilling life.
Thank you for always enjoying my cookies.
Thank you for playing on stage with me.
Thank you for being my friends.
Thank you for all of these memories.
Thank you for all of the love you’ve shared.
Thank you for giving my life meaning.
I love you all, and I will for all eternity.
Goodbye everyone.
-Imai Lisa
—————
(Third Person POV)
A song echoed throughout the studio. It was soothing, yet, deep sorrow was ectched into the voice and lyrics.
Four women stood there, listening to the words, embracing each sound. None said a word when it finished. There was nothing to say, as words couldn’t express the emotions they felt.
But, even without words, they all knew they agreed on the same thing.
—————
Instruments were tuned and ready, costumes were all good, and of course, our nails were adorned in that color red you liked so much.
Roselia, a name based off of a blue rose, was changing colors for this night alone. This one time revival.
Four women stood proudly on stage like they did so long ago. They played with passion they did not possess before, and joy they hadn’t felt in years.
They played from their hearts and souls.
They played with love for the person who had given them their undying love and care.
They played in thanks for the last gift they were delivered.
They played for Imai Lisa, the one who had changed their lives.