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if brian’s folks somehow figured out what he was doing every friday of his university life, amongst sweaty dudes and gyrating girls, they probably would revisit their decision on sending him off to the states to finish his studies. oh, well.
“bri,” a voice whispers down into the shell of his ear. “chick at three o’clock.”
his heart beats in time with the pop music blasting from the speakers as he spins around. he almost knocks his forehead against jae’s as he does so, having drunk away a little of his consciousness already, and it’s barely 10 p.m. when he pulls back, he catches jae wiggling his eyebrows playfully, eyes dancing with glee. “check her out,” he adds cheekily.
brian relents, turning his head to his right. amongst the crowd of drunken university kids grinding up on each other in the dimly lit room, brian manages to catch sight of the girl upon his friend slash wingman’s mind—tall, brunette, black skin-tight dress that stops just above her knees. when he exchanges glances with jae, he laughs at the expression on the latter’s face. “dude, really?”
“what can i say?” jae chuckles, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes appearing along with his grin. “legs for miles, man.”
“surely you’ve got enough for yourself,” brian shoots back, before taking a swig of the drink in his hand. still, his eyes dart back to the girl twirling a strand of her hair, leaning back against the wall as she exchanges conversation with someone with a buzzcut. something bubbles in his gut as he watches jae carefully out of the corner of his eye, but he eventually stamps it down, smothering it into ashes. “you really wanna go for it?”
jae snorts, but in his hazy state from probably one too many beers, it comes out more of a hack of the throat. well. “hey, you're the wingman, not me. you're supposed to do the pushing,” he points out, wrapping an arm casually around brian's shoulder.
“touché,” brian mutters under his breath. he watches from afar, the way long legs shakes her head at buzzcut boy, smiling thinly as the poor guy stalks off with his head hung low. “looks like a far fetch to me, though. might not want to go there.”
“that's not how you wing your men, wingman,” jae thumps brian's shoulder light-heartedly. he rolls his eyes playfully, before the arm around brian's shoulder slinks away. it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise as jae cracks his knuckles together, rolls his shoulder back. brian laughs at how animated jae looks, but the latter remains unfazed. “i'll show you how it works, bri.”
the next time brian blinks, jae's already sauntering off and towards the direction of long legs still leaning against the wall on the opposite end of the room. brian can only gaze on as his friend winds his way through the sea of people mingling about in the living room, meandering his way through until he stops short beside long legs in the short black dress.
from where he's stood near the doorway between the living room and the kitchen, brian can make out jae subtly leaning close, resting his hand against the wall next to the girl's head. he sees the small upturn of the corner of jae's lips, something he's witnessed almost every friday with every attempt of his friend's to flirt his way to a girl's heart, long enough for a one night fling. he sees jae's chapped lips part to say “hey”, sees the very shape of the word itself
that is, until the girl laughs, throwing her head back, before sashaying off somewhere into the crowd of dancing kids.
as jae trudges back to where brian's stood, brian tries to be a good friend, he really does, but it's tough when your friend just got shot down after simply pronouncing a single syllable. he can only lean against the wall and laugh stupidly at jae’s stroke of luck tonight. “girls be damned,” he hears jae mutter irately under his breath, which only makes brian laugh some more.
“you really lucked out, man,” brian snorts, downing the rest of his drink down his throat.
“all thanks to my trusty wingman, huh,” jae rolls his eyes, but they glimmer with a sort of glee brian’s used to seeing under the darkness of the room. “fuck it. whatever. i’ll just drink this damn stress away.”
it’s a no-brainer. exams are just around the corner, a very reminder of why brian is currently here and not at home and being the very studious student his parents perceive him to be. maybe he doesn’t give a shit (and maybe that is because he’s somewhat of an overachiever, but it’s not something he brags about; for fuck’s sake, this is uni we’re talking about), but he’s seen how jae is always hunched over the study table last-minute cramming whenever he comes back to the dormitory. maybe he doesn’t give a shit, but even jae gives at least half a shit on maintaining his grades.
as casual as he can pull it off, brian loops an arm around his friend’s shoulder. “then drink the damned stress away,” he chirps over the loud din of the music and noisy chatter, steering them over to the counter of bottles of alcohol. he swears he catches the ghost of a grin over jae’s full lips—it might as well be brian’s imagination, but he decides otherwise for now. just for now.
“you’re quite a wingman, huh,” jae laughs, but still pours himself a solo cup of beer, before doing the same for another cup. he passes the other one to brian, his fingertips lightly brushing along brian’s knuckles. with so much of a wink, jae clinks the plastic cups together. “cheers to uni-”
“-lots of girls-”
“-and lousy wingmen.” brian doesn’t have much of a heart to punch jae, so he swats at his shoulder instead. jae laughs, the one which should be obnoxious but isn’t, the one which should be illegal to bear but somehow isn’t—before he tips his head back, and down goes the contents of the drink in his hand.
brian only hesitates for a moment before doing the same. when he’s downed the last drop of beer, he lowers his solo cup to see jae’s twinkling eyes, jae’s lips part to say, “hey. fuck this party. wanna make a show of ourselves on the dance floor?”
—
brian and jae haven’t always gotten along like this; two peas in a pod, peanut butter and jelly, milk tea and tapioca. things were awkward, at first. jae had taken a while to come out of his shell, and hadn’t taken kindly to any of brian’s efforts to coax him out. so, brian mostly left him alone.
then, the korean american student association hosted a party, and jae had agreed to come with. actually, it was more his idea than brian’s, because jae is high school friends with some of the board members—matthew, sammy, and bernard. regardless, they went together, jae even lending brian his nice cologne for the night. brian reciprocated by draping his leather jacket over jae’s shoulders on their walk home as jae stumbled along, shivering.
still, despite jae being more of a lightweight than brian, he sobers up faster. brian still feels pretty boozy by the time they get back to their dorm, and soon enough he’s rushing to the bathroom to pitch himself over the toilet. from the hall jae’s laugh rings high and clear, still a little too enthusiastic from the alcohol. brian sinks to his knees, letting his cheek fall against the toilet, not even caring how gross it is.
he’s not sure how much time passes—it feels like a second and an eternity all at once, but at some point there’s soft footsteps on the tile next to him, and the clink of a glass being set down on the toilet tank.
“brought you water,” jae says, and brian is ever so thankful that he keeps his voice low. brian’s not sure why the alcohol hit him so hard tonight, but he is not a fan.
“thank you,” he groans in response, lips dry and cracking. another wave of heaving comes on, though luckily it’s dry this time—not that that makes it much better.
what surprises him, though, is when jae’s broad, warm palm comes to rest between brian’s shoulder blades. it feels like too tender of a gesture for whatever their roommate-sort-of-friends relationship is. he should hate it, too; brian always gets sensitive to touch when he’s drunk or high, shrugging off other people’s hands and arms to get rid of that hot tingling sensation. but this time, he has no such desire. rather, he wants jae to keep his hand there. luckily, jae seems to know this without asking, because he rests his chin on his free hand and doesn’t budge until brian is ready to stand up, drink his water, and then go pass out.
that was the start of it all, brian thinks.
—
“fuck this shit!” brian hears from the study table, before the sound of skull hitting mahogany wood and a long, drawn-out groan. from where he’s sat at his bed, brian peers up from the graphic novel he’s been looking at for a long while now (mainly it’s because he’s looking more at the real-life person in front of him rather than the fictional characters on paper) and blinks at jae, who’s flinging a pen at the flaking wallpaper.
brian shifts, sitting up straight. “poli sci?”
“i don’t understand why i took it,” jae grumbles, reaching down to retrieve his ballpoint pen. “like, what the fuck was i thinking? political science? i’ve got ten people in my lecture, brian, ten.”
he lifts both his legs up, swinging them around to prop them up onto the study table while fiddling with the pen in his fingers, and brian can’t stop looking. it’s probably really unsanitary, but at least the guy has on some rubber-duck patterned socks. no, that’s not why brian’s staring. jae’s shorts ride up his pale thighs, the skin marked with creases from sitting on the chair for far too long. jae’s mouth doesn’t stop running, despite brian’s silence. “like what the fuck do i have to use this for in my later life?”
“you sound like you need a break from studying,” brian comments lightly.
“i need a break from life in general,” jae sighs overdramatically, leaning his head back. “this is getting too much. whoever told me uni was solely about sex and having fun needs to get sued this instance.”
brian chuckles, lowering the graphic novel before placing it on his bedside table clumsily. “then take a break from life. what do you wanna do the big night before the big exam, huh?”
jae flicks the pen, landing it square on the table, in the centre of his mess of worksheets and handouts and presentation notes. shoot and score. “dude. did you hear about how jackson and his gang went skinny dipping in the fountain last year?”
something twists in brian’s gut. “yeah, why?”
jae wiggles his eyebrows, before he scrambles to his feet. he brushes imaginary dust off of his shorts before glimpsing up to meet brian’s curious gaze. “then. let’s.”
and brian’s heart plummets to the floor. score.
—
it’s a chilly night, with the breeze kicking up and rustling through the leaves of trees overhead as the duo traipse out of the dormitory building. brian’s heart is a bird flapping its wings against his chest, threatening to break past its cage with every step they take, closer to the school campus.
it isn’t the thrill of what is to come, nor is it the worry of getting caught red-handed—it’s the nerves rushing through brian’s veins as he watches jae’s eyes, twinkling with glee under the full moon tonight. it’s the adrenaline that tears through his every fibre when jae looks back, as if to check if brian’s still tagging along. “come on, slowpoke.”
“i’m right behind you,” brian huffs, but all he receives is that soft tinkling of laughter he’s grown accustomed to hearing from the other.
eventually, they reach the good ‘ol school fountain. in many aspects, it isn’t any bellagio fountains, but the marble statue carved in the middle with its marble harp in its arm sends a particular chill down brian’s spine. in a good way, he thinks.
“well, what’re you waiting for?” jae asks. it’s then that brian realises, fuck, his roommate’s yanking his faded tee off of him, before flinging it carelessly onto the grass, damp from the rain earlier in the late evening—and brian can’t stop looking.
jae’s not muscular; he’s all sinewy muscles and lanky frame. yet, under the moonlight, his pale skin seems to shine, angelic all the same. his hair is mussed from running his hands through them so many times tonight from the stress of exams, his eyes are bright and seem luminous with the lack of his thin-framed glasses. his chest is as flat as a board, stomach firm—and there’s a smattering of hair running past the waistband of his ugly khaki pants.
warmth creeps its way up brian’s neck as he turns to look away. “yeah, yeah, comin’.” with his back facing jae, he hurriedly pulls his shirt off, before ditching his own pants in the moist grass. from behind him, he can hear a tinny splash of jae hopping into the shallow fountain; the blood in brian’s veins almost freezes into ice at the sound of it.
he gets in as quickly as he can— the water’s cold, though perhaps not quite as cold as he’d imagined. jae’s already relaxed, sitting in the water with his back propped up against the marble side, long legs stretched out in front of him, head tipped back and eyes shut.
“this is the life, bribri,” he says, cracking one eye open at the sound of brian settling down too.
brian hunches, trying to get the water to cover as much as he can. it’s not that jae hasn’t seen him in this state of undress before, but it’s never been quite so direct. quick flashes while they change or when one of them is coming out of the shower, sure, but never anything like this—so full on, so extended. he can’t help but feel self conscious. jae is as pretty and smooth and the statue towering above them and brian is, well. he’s himself. well-rounded, his mom says. filled out, soft around the edges, hips too full to fit into the same skinny jeans that jae wears, thighs big enough to stretch the stitching on all his pants. stretch marks meander their way across his thighs and hips, and brian feels so incredible exposed looking down in the water to see them bared by his borderline skimpy boxers.
“everything okay man?” jae asks, and brian’s head snaps up from where it’d been hanging low, eyes scanning his own body, reminding himself of every flaw.
“yeah,” he lies seamlessly. “‘s fine.”
jae brushes some wet strands of hair out of his eyes, long fingers delicate as he cards them through his damp hair. “what brings you ‘round here this time of day?” he drawls, lips slowly splitting into a grin. it takes brian longer than he should that jae’s toying with him—they’re lonely passers-by dipping their feet into the clearly not-so-clear waters of their very own school fountain.
clearing his throat, brian forces himself to grin back. “oh, nothing much. what about you?”
jae cocks his head sideways, baring the milky skin of his collarbones. “someone tipped me off; said this is where all the pretty ones pass by.” he blinks, the corner of his lip curling upwards. the next few words are spoken in hushed tones, as if letting brian in a secret, “guess they weren’t wrong.”
for a split second, brian wants to laugh, until fuck. he realises jae’s referring to him. it takes a moment or two for realisation to dawn upon him, and even longer for him to swallow down his nerves when he meets jae’s hooded eyes. jae’s looking at him, as if he expects a sort of flirty response back, but all of a sudden letters don’t seem to be able to connect together into words. “uhh…”
jae blinks again. “sorry. did i make you uncomfortable-”
“-no, no,” brian chokes out. “sorry, i was just… surprised-”
“-you kept looking at me, and i thought you were checking me out, but then you kept looking at yourself, and well. yeah,” jae blurts out in a rush, words spilling past his lips as if he has no control over them. “don’t think so much. i’m not kidding, bri; you’re good-looking. don’t bring yourself down like that.”
wondering how jae could’ve picked that up so easily—well, maybe he was a little bit obvious about it—brian slowly shrinks back against the walls of the fountain. “thanks,” he mumbles. “really appreciate that.”
jae hums to himself. “you’re an attractive guy, man—if i didn’t know you, i would totally do you.”
brian laughs. “and because you know me, you wouldn’t do me?”
what follows next is a long, drawn-out silence, save for the leaves rustling somewhere beyond their control, and the crickets chirping somewhere amongst thickets of bushes. never leaving his eyes from where they are on brian’s, jae shrugs. “i didn’t say i wouldn’t.”
and because brian’s stupid, and because brian’s ambitious, and because brian really wants to kiss the life out of his best friend right now, he inches closer. the water splashes where brian moves his arms, cold from the night air. jae is sat frozen where he lays opposite brian, and his lack of movement only spurs brian on.
now, brian would’ve leant over and closed the gap and sealed the fucking deal, something that he’s been wanting to do for what feels like ages now—but of course, a bird has to take a dump on jae’s mop of hair and cause him to scream, voice splitting the moment of the midnight air.
—
brian didn’t always want it to be this way. for a while, he had a plan: he was going to wait till the end of the year, and then tell jae he was interested. they would find another place to live for the next year so there’d be no awkwardness, and maybe date casually and see where it went. it was a good plan, a solid plan—and then jae happened.
brian remembers the night like it was yesterday, the sound of doors slamming behind the building's other residents and the creaking of their radiator from beneath the window. soft indie music streams the ancient trinket that is jae’s day-old bluetooth speaker on the bedside table. jae’s in his bed just feet away from brian, both of them awake but silent, brian flat on his back and staring at the ceiling while jae is curled into a fetal position facing the way.
the sound of jae’s blankets rustling is nearly deafening in the quiet of the night, and when brian looks over on reflex he sees that jae’s curled up again, but this time facing him.
“can’t sleep either?” jae asks, voice soft and near-breaking. brian nods.
“my body hates me,” he says as way of explanation, and that’s enough to get a small, quiet laugh out of his roommate. “what about you?”
“oh, i’m just thinking about how i’m not capable of finding love,” jae replies, wistful and sarcastic, almost to the point of sourness.
that gets brian’s attention. “hey,” he says, turning onto his side so he’s facing jae. “what makes you think that?”
jae laughs. “it’s fine, you don’t have to be nice. i’m just thinking about a bad breakup.”
“was it a long time ago?” brian asks.
“ages,” jae answers. “but i haven’t dated since. it kinda ruined my self esteem, you know.”
“i’m sorry,” brian says, and jae hums in acceptance of the platitude.
“it’s cool man, no worries,” he says. “i’ll be good.” jae sighs, flipping over so he’s flat on his back, hands folded on his belly as his sleep shirt rides up just enough to expose a small strip of pale skin, shown only because of the bright moonlight coming in through the window.
the music in the background floats in the air, hauntingly, sadly. waiting for something real,
everything else is just a shadow
that’s when brian decides that he’s going to love jae in silence. by hook or by crook, even if brian’s feelings are dumped into the deepest ends of the ocean, he believes that maybe, his happiness is jae’s happiness, too.
—
brian doesn’t bother to turn off his music after he’s done with his shower, instead just letting it blast as he opens the door to the bathroom, emerging in a cloud of steam. he heads back to the room he shares with jae with only a towel wrapped around his waist and water still dripping from his hair onto his shoulders and collarbone, but he figures there’s no one here but him and jae so who cares?
when he opens their door, though, he’s greeted not by jae’s familiar face, but by a young woman with a long nose and sleek, straight brown hair. familiarity laps at his feet, and it occurs to him in an instant: this must be jae’s sister.
brian pauses the music, gripping his towel a little tighter around his waist with his other hand.
“hey,” he says awkwardly.
“hey,” she echoes, eyes raking him up and down. there’s no way for her to step out until brian isn’t blocking the door, so he steps inside, ducking his head low to avoid looking her in the eye. she doesn’t say anything as she slips out behind him, taking extra care to shut the door conspicuously, which is when brian feels his face flush with the awkwardness of what just happened.
he flicks the lock on the door, getting dressed in silence and listening closely for whatever is going on outside. brian hears the apartment door open and close, and jae’s low voice greeting his sister. she responds, then there’s a beat of silence before she says, “i get why you’re always talking about brian now.”
jae’s voice is bright, and brian just knows he’s smiling. “oh, did you meet him? isn’t he great?”
“yeah,” she replies. “and hot. really hot. you’ve got good taste, little brother.”
jae snorts. “come on man, you can’t hit on my roommate. that’s gotta be in the sibling handbook somewhere.”
“i don’t like him for me, i like him for you,” she says, and jae makes a sort of choked noise that brian is surprised he can hear through the door.
“don’t be weird,” he says, and something in brian’s chest twists. “it’s not like that, we’re just roommates. are you ready to go?”
his sister hums, just barely audible, and then brian hears the apartment door open and close again and then—silence.
brian drapes his towel over the back of his desk chair and flops onto his bed, trying to will his heart to stop dropping down to the soles of his feet, trying his best to not think about why exactly it isn’t like
that
.
—
if brian’s being entirely honest, he’s getting a little tired of the whole party atmosphere. sure it’s fun, and a hell of a lot better than studying macroeconomics like he should be doing, but he hates the way the floor always feels sticky and the bathrooms are always full and there’s never any decent food. god, brian would kill for some burger king right now.
his head is starting to hurt from the pounding bassline, and he sinks a little lower in the oddly placed leather armchair he’d found to provide solace. the material is cool against his temple when he lets his head slump against it, and he lets out an appreciative groan.
from the threadbare couch beside him, jae snickers. “drink too much?” he asks, and brian would glare at him but opening his eyes sounds like too much work. finally, he cracks just one, expecting to be met with jae’s smug face, but instead he sees jae’s long torso hunched over the coffee table. brian forces himself to sit up so he can get a look at what jae’s doing, and he’s not surprised in the slightest when he sees jae’s slim, pale fingers working a rolling paper. the package, forgotten off to the side, proclaims the papers to be “peaches ‘n cream” flavored, and it’s brian’s turn to snort. jae’s always been better at rolling between the two of them, but he has some weird tastes.
“why do you smoke so much weed if you don’t like the taste of actual weed?” he asks, and jae just shushes him before going back to his work. his tongue peeks out from between his teeth in concentration, and brian can’t tell if it’s his head or if that’s just cute. brian loses interest soon after, letting his eyes slip shut as he attempts to take an alcohol-induced nap. he’s rudely startled, though, by one of jae’s pretty fingers finding the soft spot between two of his ribs.
“you got a light?” jae asks, and brian groans, which jae knows means yes.
“you gotta get it yourself,” he says, and jae laughs, much too happy for the dim atmosphere.
“if you wanted me to feel you up, bri, you could have just asked,” he replies cheekily, and brian feels heat come to flush his cheeks. luckily, he’s had enough of that going on from the alcohol that this shouldn’t be noticable.
still, he stands by what he said, letting jae pat down his front pockets till he locates the lighter, fingertips digging into brian’s thighs as he fishes it out.
brian hears the click of the lighter, and jae’s sigh of an exhale. the smell drifts over soon after, a mix of burnt earthiness and a sweet, artificial fruit smell. those damned flavored papers.
“you want a hit?” jae asks, and brian just barely cracks his eyes open this time.
“i don’t think my arms work,” he says, and it’s at least somewhat truthful. his whole body buzzes, but his limbs feel more like lead than a part of him.
“here,” jae says. he moves fast, much too fast for brian, until he’s perched up on the arm of the chair brian’s sitting in, one foot braced on the floor. a cool hand wraps around the back of brian’s neck, tugging him closer by the short hairs at his nape. brian’s lips part to ask what jae’s doing, but before he has the chance jae’s taking a drag and leaning in close, lips pressing against brian’s as he exhales the smoke into brian’s mouth. then the hand is gone and jae’s pulling away, leaving brian to exhale long and slow.
“thanks,” he says, because that’s really all he can say. that warmth of the press of their lips begins faltering, but the remembrance of it is already carved into his head. jae just nods, letting his body fall back on the couch as he takes another drag. brian lets his head loll back against the leather cushion, and he starts to feel dizzy.
he doesn’t think it’s from the weed.
—
being someone who’s more carefree than one who craves clarity, brian allows himself to fall. and, as his close friend dowoon once pointed out rather blatantly sometimes, is how brian always, always, allows himself to fall hard, fall fast. on those rare occasions, brian simply brushes it off with a laugh and a wave of a hand, saying stuff along the line of fine, i fall, but the bigger picture is i pick my damned self up.
but as the days fly by faster than brian can process them, he finds himself falling further and further away from the edge of the cliff where he was previously dangling, further and further into the depths of the black hole he’s submerged himself into. he lets himself crave jae’s sweet smile, jae’s cocky get-up, jae’s warm hands on the small of his back, jae, jae, jae.
sometime two months before the incident with the weed, brian remembers the exact moment when he tips right over the edge and the words are right there, at the tip of his tongue. they’ve settled into this routine where, on a sunday, they head to the cafe close to the campus to study despite having a nice desk back in their shared room all to themselves. maybe it’s the ambience of the cafe, the intoxicating scent of grinded coffee beans and jae’s deodorant filling his nostrils as he flips through his textbook, but brian really, really looks forward to those sundays.
nevertheless, they usually wind up there in the late afternoons, near dinnertime, when there’s lesser patrons cramped up inside. this time, however, jae has to pay a visit to an old friend for dinner, so they end up going to the cafe at noon, textbooks and notes stacked in their arms as they stride into the cafe.
the waitress at the counter is already familiar with them, a little too familiar seeming as her eyes light up whenever the two enter the cafe and by the time they reach the counter, their orders are already punched in. amber, that’s her name, grins at the pair of them, the same mischief splayed across her face. “hey, you two. some early birds you are today.”
jae shrugs nonchalantly. “what can i say, amber. caffeine decided to take an early shift today.”
“anything you want to get with your usual coffees?” amber asks. “double shot americano for brian, your usual double shot latte, less milk.”
“maybe a walnut brownie?” brian perks up, his eyes having slided across to the gleaming glass counter displaying row upon row of slices of cake. “i’m feelin’ kinda sweet-toothed today.”
amber smiles, punching in brian’s order. “anything else?”
“we good,” jae says, before balancing his books in one arm and trying to reach around his back pocket to fumble for his wallet. noting the higher stack of books today than on other days, brian doesn’t need to think too much — he reaches out and pulls jae’s wallet out for him, before plopping it into jae’s hand.
“well, there’s an excuse you can use if you wanna tap my butt next time, i guess,” jae chuckles light-heartedly, and immediately brian’s cheeks light up aflame. he hadn’t meant it to be seen in that sense, yet jae’s smile makes his heart ache even more.
amber watches the exchange with glittering eyes. “cute,” she comments casually, as she takes up the wad of dollar bills from jae’s outstretched hand. at this, brian sees how jae’s shoulders seize up with tension; he probably tenses up himself, too. when amber gets no response, she gets the message. “oh. sorry. i’ve always thought the both of you were, y’know, together.”
for a total of three seconds, it’s awkward silence, until jae bursts into laughter. the corners of his eyes crinkle up behind his glasses, and his mouth widens so big it spreads across his face. “no, no,” jae forces out when his laughter ebbs away. “no. it’s not like that. we’re not like that.”
there it comes again. like that. it isn’t like that.
brian chokes out a chuckle which sounds more of a grimace, but neither of the two seem to take much notice. “well, sorry if that was awkward-”
“-it’s fine,” jae cuts her off abruptly, as if wanting to let their conversation come to a halt. brian wants it to.
eventually, they seat themselves at one of the window seats facing the little lake outside, sun gleaming down upon the clear blue waters. brian drags a chair over to the two-seater so they can plonk their bags and books down. as they wait for their order, brian sets up his laptop, trying to avoid jae’s gaze, trying to avoid a conversation he knows is coming.
“hey, bri.” fuck. brian glimpses up after a moment’s hesitation, his eyes coming to land on jae’s concerned ones. brian readjusts himself on his seat before nodding, urging jae to continue. “i… sorry if that was awkward.”
“why’re you apologising?” brian chuckles dryly. “it’s not your fault, she mentioned it.”
“ah,” jae nods. “‘s that, i was worried you took it weirdly, wrongly. what i meant when i said that we’re not like that… you’re one of my closest friends, bri, if not my closest. like a constant in my life, even though we’ve known each for barely more than a handful of years. i hope you’re not, like, affected by what others think of us and start avoiding me or whatever.” he sighs noisily. “fuck, i sound demanding and clingy-”
“-no, it’s fine, keep going.” brian’s chest rises and falls with the need to hear what jae has to say next.
“i mean, people have come and gone in my life.” from his broken tone, brian knows jae’s referring to the bad break-up, something that has haunted not only jae’s life, but also brian’s heart over the course of their months together. “they never stay for too long. i know it’s a bit early to say this, but, well. you did.”
the pen in brian’s fingers suddenly slips out of his grip and clatters to the tiled floor. jerked from his daze, both of them glance down at the pen now lying on the floor. jae leans down to pick it up, and passes it back to brian, but not without a solid stare straight into brian’s eyes. “if… if you ever find someone or something, you should let me know, ‘kay? i sound desperate, but i’d really like if you don’t leave me. and i mean it in, like, a platonic way.”
the words, though they mean well, are bullets raining down on brian’s pity party as his heart selects words to hear. find someone. platonic.
the sunlight shines through the mosaic glass of the windows, casting shadows on jae’s face, jae’s eyes, jae’s lips. brian finds the words gathering at the top of his throat, at the very tip of his tongue—all he needs to do is say them aloud, force them out, choke them out. but he finds himself swallowing down them as he takes the pen from jae’s fingers, skin grazing ever so slightly. “yeah. sure. of course.”
—
what he meant to say was i’d really like if you don’t leave me, too. and i mean it in, like, a romantic way. the i like you so much way.
—
though the incident with the weed and the almost kissing is still fresh in brian’s mind, he still allows jae and bernard to drag him to another party. this time he resigns to staying mostly sober, content to hug the wall and watch jae be a social butterfly. when they get there, though, it doesn’t work out quite like that.
brian’s always had a bad habit of finishing jae’s drinks, mostly because jae will start something and then shove it into brian’s hand when a song he likes comes on or he sees someone he needs to go hug or if he just doesn’t feel like holding it anymore. tonight his drinks seem to end up in brian’s hands even more than usual, meaning that despite his resolution brian ends up just as trashed as usual. maybe a little more trashed, if he’s honest.
another thing to note is that in the right situations, brian has the tendency to turn into a dance machine. he’s by no means good, and he knows this, but with enough people around him and alcohol in his veins, he can get over the nerves and just have fun. this is exactly what happens, against his initial wishes and perhaps better judgement, though he can’t say he’s not having fun.
the makeshift dance floor in the living room is crowded, and while brian can’t say he hates being pressed up against jae to dance he could really do without having to be equally close to strangers. he looks around, trying to get his bearings and find a way out of the crowd, and then he sees it. a circular table, probably taken from the kitchen, pushed up against the wall and completely bare except for a few stray solo cups. that works.
tugging on jae’s sleeve until he knows jae will follow, brian weaves his way through the crowd until they’re at the wall, which is when he promptly turns around and hoists himself up to sit on the table before climbing to his feet.
“what are you doing?” jae asks with a laugh, and brian grins down at him.
“come on,” brian says in lieu of explanation, extending his hand to jae. jae looks around, nervous for only a moment before he very obviously realizes that he doesn’t care.
“okay,” he grins, canines sharp and glinting as he takes brian’s hand, smooth and warm against brian’s calloused palm. the table shakes when jae jumps up, and jae uses his free hand to grasp brian’s forearm to steady them both. brian finds himself leaning into the touch, mourning the loss of warmth when jae lets go.
neither of them recognize the song that’s playing, but the bass is loud in their ears and in their bones and that’s honestly good enough. jae laughs, no trace of awkwardness as he takes both of brian’s hands in his and moves them to his slender hips, his shirt raising when his arms raise till brian’s fingers are gripping smooth, pale skin.
brian starts to sway awkwardly to the beat, and jae nearly doubles over in laughter; brian’s hold on jae’s hips tightens, pulling him closer to keep him from falling off the table.
“we can’t dance,” jae protests, though he’s grinning and makes no move to change their situation.
“we can, we’re just not good,” brian corrects, and jae tosses his head back in such an obvious display of joy that it makes brian’s chest hurt.
jae doesn’t respond but his hands find brian’s arms, bare after ditching his jacket a long time ago, and his eyes slip shut as he tries to find the beat.
brian can’t tell if his body is moving anymore. jae is dancing in front of him and he’s touching brian and he wanted brian to touch him—it’s a euphoric feeling, one that blinds brian to anything but this.
the tables shakes below them, and whether that’s from their movement, the vibrations around them, or the alcohol, brian has no idea. it makes him clutch onto jae for dear life, and jae just laughs through it all like he’s having the time of his life. brian hopes he is.
the rest of the night is mostly a blur—brian thinks he remembers nearly falling off and being tugged down to safety by bernard and sammy shortly after. he knows they walked home, because he can remember bumping shoulders with jae and jae complaining about it the whole way back.
this morning, he’s paying the price for his fun in the form of a killer headache, made worse by the sunlight streaming in through his blinds as he finally cracks his eyes open. he spares a glance at his phone and then—shit. he has a class in fifteen minutes.
in his scramble to get out the door on time, brian passes a shirtless jae coming out of the bathroom with his face in his hands, sparing him no more than a “later” and a half assed wave. whatever, he thinks. jae was probably too dead to care anyway.
while he survives and makes it to class on time, brian is in no way prepared to actually participate, so he slumps in his seat and just passively listens for all of lecture. he decides he needs to stop for coffee at the café later, which is where he runs into dowoon.
“hey woonie,” he says, using the affectionate nickname just to get a rise out of his friend. dowoon smiles from across the café, making his way over to brian with his iced coffee in hand.
“hey hyung,” he says, “how are you feeling this morning?”
brian shrugs. “like shit,” he answers honestly, and dowoon laughs.
“i figured. has anyone recognized you this morning?”
brian’s brow furrows. “why would anyone recognize me?”
dowoon snorts, and when it becomes obvious that brian really doesn’t know what he’s talking about, his eyes widen.
“are you serious? you haven’t seen?”
“seen what?” brian asks, still confused, and dowoon is quick to answer this time.
“you went viral,” dowoon says, shoving his phone right up under brian’s nose. “well, not viral viral, but you got 1k retweets on twitter and made it onto the school’s subreddit.”
“what?” brian squints, taking dowoon’s wrist in his hand so he can put a little more space in between him and the screen in order to actually see. once his eyes actually adjust, brian recognizes himself, cheeks flushed pink and hair falling into his eyes. jae is easy to identify after that even though his back is facing the camera—ripped ramones tee shirt hanging off his slender shoulders, clearly bunched up at the hips from where brian’s hands are resting. the back of his neck is slender and pale, dotted with moles and stray hair; neither of them have gotten a haircut in a while.
oh, dear god. their dancing is truly awful—there's no rhythm that brian can identify just by watching, and their limbs somehow seem to tangle together despite there being ample space on the table top. while he has a vague memory of how close they were at the time, the video makes it clearer; it's quite obvious that at points they're quite literally pressed together, hip to thigh.
what brian hesitates to acknowledge is how much fun they're having.
the way he grins at jae is heart-wrenchingly obvious, and it’s then that brian realizes everyone in his life probably knows he likes jae except for jae himself. he can practically see the hearts forming around his head, and brian goes to push dowoon’s phone away but dowoon stops him.
“keep watching, hyung,” he insists, and brian sighs, complying anyway because dowoon’s a cute kid and brian has a very hard time saying no to him.
he’s about to ask what he waiting to see when it finally comes, and brian understands why dowoon wanted him to keep watching. jae’s long arms wind around brian’s waist, and even over the sound of the music brian can hear his laugh ring out as jae buries his face into brian’s neck. on screen, brian stumbles, nearly falling with jae still in his arms, and then sammy and bernard are there, pulling them apart and helping them down.
dumbstruck, brian looks up at dowoon, who just nods before locking his phone and slipping it back into his pocket.
“what are you trying to show me, that i’m a lovestruck idiot? i know, dowoon-ah,” brian says crossly, and dowoon shakes his head.
“i was trying to show you that you’re not the only one,” he says cryptically, just before he looks up at the clock on the wall. “shit, i’m gonna be late to class. good luck with jae-hyung, hyung. i’ll see you later.”
“wha—” brian starts, but it’s too late; dowoon’s bag is already slung over his shoulder and he’s halfway out the door.
brian slumps in his seat, racking his brain as he tries to figure out what dowoon meant by that. that’s when he notices dowoon’s half finished iced coffee still sitting across the table; he snags it, taking a sip in the hopes that the caffeine will give him the answers he’s looking for.
it doesn’t, but it was a nice thought.
—
when he heads home for the day, brian fully expects to be greeted by jae at the door, shoving another phone in his face and telling him to “marvel at our new found stardom, bri bri” in that far-too-familiar smug tone of his with a playful grin to match.
however, this is not what he gets. it’s dead silent when he opens the door, and a quick look around the suite tells him that jae isn’t there—highly unusual, considering that its around 4 p.m. which is prime nap time for the both of them.
whatever, brian thinks. there must be a korean-american student association event or something, it’s probably no big deal.
it becomes kind of a big deal when it’s 8 and jae still hasn’t come home and brian’s already hooking the television up to the drama they’ve both been trying (and ultimately failing) to catch up these past few days. brian shoots him a text to check in, getting more worried with each hour that passes. it’s normal for them to go out, but they usually don’t leave until 8 or 9, and will sit around their dorm in sweats for a minimum of 2 hours before deciding to leave.
finally, around 10 p.m., brian hears the door open, and he perks up immediately. jae walks in with his head down, headphones on and hoodie pulled up to hide his face as he comes in and drops his bag on the floor by the door.
“hey man, where’ve you been?” brian asks, and jae’s head jerks up.
pulling his earphones down around his neck, it’s clear he didn’t hear brian. “huh?” there’s a sort of distant look in jae’s eyes, as if his body is here but his mind is drifting elsewhere.
“i said, where’ve you been?” brian repeats himself, scrambling to his feet. jae lowers his hood, but the blank look remains on his face.
“out,” he mutters curtly, before turning on his heel and striding off into the bedroom. shock strikes cold down brian’s spine at how foreign the atmosphere suddenly feels. without much thinking, brian reaches out to clamp a hand down on the other’s wrist, stopping him. jae freezes at the touch, before reeling his hand back. “don’t touch me.”
the words are icy, spiteful, full of disgust. brian’s lips part as he searches for some sort of sign in jae’s eyes. “dude. what’s going on? why’re you acting like this?”
“nothing,” jae spits back, before turning around again. brian tries to grab onto the boy’s wrist again, but jae continues walking off in a huff, opening the door to the bedroom before slamming it shut behind him. something is off, brian’s gut tells him, as his thoughts swirl in a whirlwind in his head.
—
still, it’s not the first time jae had distanced himself from brian, though not to such a great extent the first time it happened. it was nearing christmas, and with them too far away from home to return to their mothers’ arms (and cooking), jae and brian make do with cooping themselves up in the dormitory.
brian’s memory is bordering on hazy, but he still somewhat remembers a very dejected jae slamming the front door close with such a deafening thud that it jostled brian awake from his nap. he stumbles out of his bedroom only to see jae shuffling into the kitchen, groceries in hand.
when brian emerges into the kitchen, he knocks gently on the door. “yo, jae. did you go out to get groceries-”
“i’m gonna go take a shower,” he cut brian off, matter-of-factly, before pushing past a shocked brian and down the hallway. brian’s so surprised he hadn’t managed to utter a single word of protest. instead, he sets about shoving the groceries into the fridge, almost losing grip on the carton of eggs as his mind wandered off: did he do something wrong? why’s jae so upset? why’s he acting this way? did brian leave his dirty socks on the floor again?
dinner isn’t much of an improvement. they get chinese takeaway, brian munching silently on his fried rice while jae pokes at his dumplings. he watches the grim line of jae’s lips, before jae stands up and utters something along the line of not feeling hungry, gonna go sleep.
this time around, though, brian tries to reach out to clamp down on jae’s wrist. “wait-”
“-i’m tired,” jae argues, wrenching his wrist away from brian’s grip, but brian’s stronger, fingers digging into the skin there. jae hisses at the pain, making brian release his hold on jae.
“what’s going on?” brian persists, eyebrows furrowing. “i know what you’re like when you’re tired. why’re you so, i dunno, pissy?”
jae shakes his head, turning to walk off but brian grabs onto jae’s hand again, swivelling him around. “what,” jae asks, defeated, and that’s when brian sees it. the tears welled up in jae’s eyes, threatening to spill past the corners. “what do you want.”
“jae…” brian’s voice trails off as he watches jae’s tears run down his cheeks. without much hesitation, brian pulls jae into a tight embrace, arms wrapped around his back and laying his head on jae’s shoulder affectionately, and the dam is broken. jae sobs into brian’s shirt, tears seeping through the fabric as he cries and cries and cries.
brian is patient, leads jae to the couch and hands him a box of kleenex tissues alongside a glass of warm milk. for once, he babies jae, scratching his hair as jae recalls the afternoon amidst hiccups. “i saw him again, bri.” brian blinks in confusion, until he puts two and two together. he flushes at the word him. he hadn’t realised that jae was, well. “i was at the store, and he-” he hiccups again, fingers trembling as they grip loosely onto the glass.
“slow,” brian soothes. he takes the glass from jae’s hand, setting it down onto the table.
jae sucks in a sharp breath. “he was there, and he saw me, and he didn’t even… he didn’t even try to say hello. he was the one who broke up with me, anyways, so why’s he just.. pretending i don’t exist? he pushed past me and he didn’t even…” his voice trails off as jae silently clamps his lips shut.
brian nods his head. “well. an asshole will always remain an asshole, y’know.”
jae shrugs. “he was nice to me when we were together. it’s as if after we broke up, he thinks i’m just… dust.”
“you’re not dust.”
“i guess,” jae mumbles, looking down at their socked feet—brian’s superman ones next to jae’s spiderman socks, big toe peeking out of the seams. there’s a pause in their conversation, before jae blurts out, “are you okay with that?”
“okay with what?”
“me. and dudes,” jae asks, and when he does, he glances up to meet brian’s eyes. the light from overhead reflects off of his frames, his eyes glistening with tears from earlier, and it’s so hauntingly beautiful. “are you okay with that?”
“of course i’m okay with that,” brian assures, and tampers down on the words on the tip of his tongue—i’m in fucking love with you, anyways, of course i’m okay with that. “you’re you. and you deserve someone better than that fucked up asshole.”
jae laughs softly, grinning as he subconsciously leans his head against brian’s shoulder, perhaps exhausted from crying. brian remembers allowing jae in, allowing jae to lean on his shoulder and fall asleep there. brian remembers a press of a kiss on jae’s forehead before he, too, falls asleep to the rhythm of his untamed heart and the crooning of crickets just past their open window.
—
if brian had any common sense, he would leave jae alone. in fact, if he had any brains at all that’s what he would do, but brian has never been known to use his head over his heart and his heart is telling him that he has to do something—or rather, he can’t do nothing. he’s not quite sure what it is that he’ll do, but he’ll figure it out.
the idea comes to him a little later in the week, when he’s passing through a cvs looking for snacks and sees a stack of discount dvds. he picks out one of their favourites, whatcha’ wearin’?, one of the very first movies they’d watched together when they were both hella drunk and hella high—a classic, really—and then heads down the snack aisle, searching for all of jae’s favorites. armed with entertainment and comfort food, brian makes his way back to their dorm with a renewed determination. jae may not want to talk to him right now, but brian knows that jae is not the kind of person to turn down dinner and a movie, even if that dinner consists mostly of hot cheetos and the movie is in their common room.
“jae!” brian calls even before the door shuts behind him, and he can’t say he’s surprised when he’s met with silence. “jae!” he calls again, and this time he hears a distant grunt from the bedroom.
“i brought presents,” brian continues, setting his bag down and waiting until jae’s head peeks out from around the door, hair messy and eyes narrowed. “dinner and a movie?” brian asks, holding up his peace offering to show jae.
“i have a project,” jae says, but it almost sounds like he’s unsure. brian decides to capitalize off that.
“you can afford a break,” he wheedles. “come on, i know i got your favorites. i won’t take no for an answer, jae.”
if possible, jae’s eyes narrow just a half centimeter more. “fine,” he says eventually. “but only because it’s free dinner.”
“from you i expect nothing less.” brian smiles, and jae disappears back into the bedroom only to emerge a minute later wrapped up in a hoodie and frayed grey sweatpants that still manage to show off his long, long legs. brian does his best not to stare.
he puts the movie in as jae settles onto the couch, and when brian turns he takes a second to consider before he snags a cushion and settles himself on the floor by jae’s feet. as much as he’d like to sit with jae’s feet in his lap like their usual movie nights, brian recognizes that it’s a small miracle his plan worked in the first place, and he doesn’t want to push it.
realising the lights are still on, he moves to flick the switch off, but jae beats him to it, already leaning over brian’s head to slap against the switch on the wall. brian hums, tries not to lean against jae’s warmth when jae settles back down, a little closer to the other now.
the comedy is light-hearted enough to throw them into laughter, with brian reaching out for cheetos every now and again. at one point, he tilts his head upwards for jae to feed him, which he does, slotting a cheeto past brian’s lips. cold fingers brush against his skin, and brian’s heart jolts from the contact, no matter how miniscule the action is.
as funny as the movie is, it dwindles down to the confession scene, which usually means brian bawling his eyes out and jae laughing so hard that he falls off the couch. usually. but today is different, and instead, brian watches on numbly, the growing ache itching from his toes all the way to the centre of his gut.
as the girl on-screen continues to sing, brian's eyes glaze over to jae, snack bag discarded, hugging a throw pillow to his chest. his glasses hang low on the crooked bridge of his nose, and brian hesitates only for a moment before reaching up to push them up his nose.
at the contact, jae flinches, despite it being a daily occurrence. (“your glasses, dude,” brian always mutters, to which jae would snort but allow brian's fingers to push them up his bridge.)
brian notices, before retreating. still, he shuffles, onto the couch, arm-to-arm with jae. he notes how jae shuffles a little to keep arm space between them.
“hey,” brian stage-whispers, his eyes still on jae, the curve of jae's jaw.
jae's eyes are locked onto the scene on the screen, but brian can tell from the bob of the adam's apple. his heart leaps up to his throat.
“hey,” brian nudges jae's socked foot with his, and this time jae scowls, as if human contact sears burns upon his skin.
“what,” jae asks. his eyes are still fixated on the boy onscreen, whose eyes are wide open by the girl's song over the radio. that is, until brian reaches over the coffee table to grab the remote and punch the pause button. “dude, what the fuck?”
it’s a voice of pure disgust, and for a second brian considers switching lanes and opting to press play again. but life doesn’t have a rewind button, and so brian finds himself asking, “what’s going on?”
“i don’t follow,” jae grunts, already reaching out for the remote control, but brian wraps a hand around jae’s outstretched wrist. jae falters, his eyes looking up to brian’s in a sense of defeat.
“if you’re not gonna say anything, just tell me,” brian says, voice trembling. “so i don’t have to try and get you to talk to me.”
jae shakes brian’s hand off of him gently. he purses his lips together. “say what?”
brian hates the innocence card, hates that jae’s avoiding the elephant in the room. “why’re you avoiding me?” he finally asks all in one breath, as if a weight is being lifted off of his shoulders.
“i’m not avoiding you-”
“-you are,” brian interrupts. “you are avoiding me. you’re hole-ing yourself up in your room. did i do something wrong? did i go out of line or something?”
jae shakes his head furiously, messy hair strands falling past his eyebrows. “‘s nothing. can we keep watching?”
“it’s not nothing,” brian insists, because he really just doesn’t know when to stop, not even when warmth creeps up jae’s neck and spreads like wildfire across his cheeks.
“you’ll hate me.”
“i couldn’t ever hate you, dude,” brian nudges jae’s foot again. “ nothing could ever make me hate you,” he presses, coaxing something, anything out of the boy.
jae’s expression is unreadable as he glimpses down at his hands on lap, picking at his nails in a nervous habit brian’s grown accustomed to. “but you’re not even…” his voice trails off at last, and brian’s brain does the connecting the dots for him. oh. oh.
dowoon’s words echo in the back of his head, reverberating throughout his mind in a matter of seconds. i was trying to show you that you’re not the only one . and dowoon’s never wrong, no, he’s always right, and brian’s stomach suddenly feels entangled with butterflies fluttering wildly, savagely. the party, the dancing, the drunken hit. the water fountain, the cafe detours, the conversations. i’d really like if you don’t leave me.
because jae’s scared that…
brian sputters, stuttering over his words twice before he manages to construct a complete sentence, because holy shit. this is real. “no, jae, you don’t get it.”
“yeah, i don’t,” jae sighs, blinking back tears. “i should just, y’know-”
he’s about to get to his feet when brian takes a shoulder gently and reels jae close, until their foreheads graze against each other. jae sucks in a sharp breath, and he parts his lips in protest, until brian says the words for him. “am i reading this wrong?”
“no,” jae whispers. “no, you aren’t.”
brian smiles, really smiles. “to think i had to press backspace and pretend i didn’t like you for, like, the rest of my uni life.”
he watches jae’s eyes widen, those pupils blown wide and open as jae’s jaw goes slack. “i-”
“-yeah,” brian chuckles. there’s a pause, before he hits play again. “are you gonna shut me out again?”
“‘course not,” jae grins, before leaning close. and then there’s, well... that. brian feels like his soul is torn out of his body as jae’s lips press against his, warm, the taste of cheetos and orange juice against his own, and he presumes he tastes the same. nothing matters though, when brian cups jae’s cheeks in his hands, thumbs rubbing circles as they kiss long and languid, the soft smacking of their dry lips punctuated by their heavy breaths.
when they pull back, brian frowns. “so is this why you've been avoiding me this whole week?”
jae shrugs. “i… i realised after the party. the dancing. i saw our video, bri, and i realised. that i've just liked you this whole time.”
“a bit of slutty dancing on a table made you realise that?” brian points out, giggling.
“ lousy slutty dancing,” jae corrects, mirroring the other's smile. “we suck at it.”
“you look especially good trying to dance, if that helps,” brian teases, which earns him a swat on the shoulder, followed by a small kiss on the lips. brian flushes pink, before leaning in to tell jae just how much he's wanted him, wanted this, for far too long to remember.
—
an epilogue
nerves have brian’s stomach fluttering, but he still reaches a hand out to place on jae’s shaking knee. “hey,” he says, getting jae to look at him. “there’s no need to be nervous, right? this is a happy day.”
jae rolls his eyes, albeit good naturedly. “i just didn’t think this would ever happen. and now it’s happening and my whole family is here to see me and it feels weird.”
“they’re proud of you,” brian reassures him. “and here to support you. it’s gonna be a good day babe.”
“easy for you to say,” jae says, and brian just smiles at him.
the dean of their college calls for people to start lining up by last name, and brian presses a quick kiss to jae’s cheek. “i’ll find you after, okay? gotta go find where i’m supposed to stand.”
“don’t trip when you walk across the stage,” jae warns as brian starts to walk away. “you’re clumsy babe, i don’t want you to become a meme!”
“i’ll try,” brian replies, raising his voice so it’ll carry as he hides his eye roll by turning his back.
getting everyone in order takes a while, but before he knows it, brian is walking out into the arena while pomp and circumstance blares through the speakers. jae’s too far behind him for brian to be able to check if he’s made it out yet, but he’s sure it’ll all go find. he finds both of their families easily because they’re seated next to each other, brian’s mom chatting conspiratorially with jae’s. brian gives a little wave and his dad waves back, balancing a tripod with his other hand so he can record the whole ceremony. of course.
as far as graduation ceremonies go, brian supposes this one is pretty standard. people give speeches and thank parents and faculty and staff and finally the students themselves, and then they finally get to the walking part. brian’s before jae, and he makes sure that he makes eye contact with jae when he receives his degree, being careful to not trip the whole way across. jae gives him a thumbs up. when it’s jae’s turn, brian cheers even though you’re not supposed to, and jae give him a huge grin from the stage. brian has to say, the look of jae with a degree? hot.
he tells jae as much after the ceremony when they’re walking out to meet their families, and jae bumps his shoulder before planting a sloppy kiss on brian’s cheek.
they greet their families hand in hand, and brian surprisingly feels a wave of calm come over him. he has a degree, a hot boyfriend, and amazing parents who supported him wholeheartedly when he told them about said hot boyfriend. what more could he ask for?
jae seems to read his mind, because he gives brian’s hand a squeeze and looks at him with warm eyes. not that he’s ever doubted it, but after four years brian is more sure than ever: by jae’s side is exactly where he’s meant to be.