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The distant sound of gunfire and explosions served as a reminder of where they were and what they should be doing. Should, of course, being the operative word.
Sniper had been the one to seek him out first after getting a spectacular series of headshots which, as Spy was just now finding out, apparently made him incredibly horny. He had all but shoved him back against a table and crowded around him, assaulting his mouth like the world was ending. Sniper’s very significant bulge pressed against his thigh and Spy shuddered as he let himself be manhandled. If firing his silly rifle up in his nest made him this aggressive, perhaps Spy should encourage it more.
“You like that, mate?” A gravelly voice rumbled at his ear as a large hand slid between them to cup over his erection and Spy couldn’t help the sound that came out of him. “Always figured this might be your thing. Real exhibitionist-like. There’s a big health pack in the corner there and I’m sure someone’s gonna be needing it.”
In truth, it wasn’t his thing, but he couldn’t deny the private thrill that was coursing through him. Spy much preferred his privacy but if this was what got the Sniper going, he may consider shifting his belief system entirely.
“I’m waiting.” Bossy, but Spy would allow it just this once.
“ Yes ,” he gasped out as Sniper roughly shoved their bodies together once more, nearly suffocating him in the warmth radiating off of his body. Their arousals met through several layers of clothes, and the friction was going to drive him insane. “Yes, I like it. Now hurry up and fuck me.”
Sniper’s mouth was on his again, insistent and demanding and Spy found for once that he couldn’t keep up. When had Sniper learned how to kiss like this? Why, more importantly, didn’t he kiss like this more often? Thick fingers settled at his throat and Spy thought for a moment that he was going to loosen his tie, but it never happened. The pressure increased incrementally over his adam’s apple and Spy had to put a hand to the other man’s chest in a bid to get him to stop.
“Choking, however, is not one of my things.”
Sniper was now grinning down at him with way too many of his sharp teeth on display, which was decidedly not Sniper behavior. “Oh? Sorry, I must have pegged you for someone else.”
It took him a second. Then, “Oh, you fucking bastard.”
His BLU counterpart practically cackled as he let his disguise melt away, revealing his too-narrow features as he pressed down on his neck even more. “Honestly, I feel bad for you. If that’s how easy it is to disarm you, you should be embarrassed to call yourself a spy.”
He was, distantly, very ashamed of himself and how easily he had let his guard down. He would never have expected BLU to use such a dirty trick, but that was the whole point of being a spy. Blue eyes shined down at him as he could practically smell the smugness radiating off of the other man, and he quickly decided on a different approach.
“So you thought the best way to subdue me was to give me a boner? I will admit, it worked out rather well for you, but now what? Are you going to kill me?”
The BLU hummed thoughtfully as he pretended to consider his options. Pretended, of course, because Spy knew that he had decided a long time ago. He would monologue at him for a while as he went through a list of things he could do before he ended it with a knife in his back. He had been subject to it before. Hell, he had done it before.
“It would seem that way, wouldn’t it?” His obnoxious accent sounded almost apologetic, and Spy wanted to hit him. “However, I notice that you are still rather… afflicted. I would be lying if I were to admit that I wasn’t in a similar state.”
Spy looked at him incredulously. That was not the card he was expecting to be played here. “And?”
“I do believe I am suggesting that we finish what we started and then we can be on our merry little ways, causing chaos wherever we go. That, or I can kill you afterwards.” He shrugged at him, eyes sparkling with mischief. “I suppose it is up to you.”
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you insane? Just kill me now, if that is your goal. Do not waste my time with this.”
Yet another trick up his sleeve, apparently, was to pull back and slide down onto his knees to perch himself between Spy’s legs that were dangling over the edge of the table. “Before or after I blow you?”
He blinked. What the fuck were they teaching them at BLU? His mind tried to wrap itself around what was happening, but he found himself falling short. He paused for far too long in the sheer ridiculousness of the moment (and not a speck of curiosity) which only made his counterpart grin up at him wickedly, putting his hands on his knees to urge his thighs further apart. On instinct, he acquiesced.
“The Sniper does not do this for you, does he?” He asked, his voice dripping with mock concern as his hands went up to the other man’s fly, which he stupidly did not discourage. “A shame, really. I feel so terribly sad for you.”
“And what exactly do you hope to gain from this?” He snapped at him as the BLU languidly unzipped his fly. He shouldn’t let his hands near a piece of anatomy that was so important to him, but his traitorous cock twitched in renewed interest.
“Nothing, if you can believe me.” Spy shot him a venomous glare and the BLU sighed, rolling his eyes. “Say what you must, but I do actually quite enjoy this. I’m in a dry spell, if you will. However, as you may have noted, no one on my team is rather appealing to me.”
He raised an eyebrow at that. “And I am?”
The BLU licked his lips as he reached into his pants and took him out, the cool air hitting it at once. “You look almost exactly like me.”
Spy wanted to express his disgust and judgment at that but before he could, the other man took him in his mouth without a second thought. He kept going until his stupid nose was against his pelvis and Spy had to make a very marked effort not to moan too obscenely. He could hardly collect himself before the BLU was bobbing his head at an efficiency he hadn’t expected. To be fair, however, he hadn’t expected any of this.
The other man had no such qualms with expressing his enjoyment as he moaned around his shaft and Spy distantly realized he was touching himself. The next time he thought he was being particularly self-absorbed, he would have to remind himself of this moment.
It was annoying to admit that the other man was actually quite good at this. His lips and tongue worked together in blissful and harmonious tandem, bringing him closer to the edge than he would have liked. He hooked a knee over the BLU’s shoulder to give him better access and tried to distract himself from the fact that his direct enemy was giving him a blow job in the middle of a battle.
There are worse ways he could have spent his day, he supposed.
Cheeks hollowed around him and sucked him hard and Spy’s knees trembled under the sheer intensity of it. The BLU swallowed him down to the back of his throat once, twice, three times, and Spy couldn’t stop the strangled sound that escaped his lips as he came directly down his throat. The BLU moaned around his seed in turn as he swallowed down every last drop as he pumped himself to completion in his fist.
He pulled off after a moment, breathing raggedly against his hip before withdrawing from his space completely. Spy was in no better shape as his chest heaved similarly as he tried to get his bearings back after having his soul sucked out of his dick.
“Now, of cou—“
A rifle fired and the BLU’s head exploded into a fine mist, his now lifeless body crumpling to the floor. To his credit, he did not shout.
Sniper looked at him through the tinted lens of his sunglasses as he loomed in the doorway with the end of his rifle steaming from the heat of the shot he had just taken, looking thoroughly unimpressed with him. Spy at least had the good graces to look embarrassed. Oh, right, and tuck himself back into his pants.
The silence stretched on awkwardly as the BLU’s body faded out of existence, sending an undoubtedly very pissed off spy back to his respective respawn. Finally, Sniper gestured towards the corner of the room. “Health pack.”
Spy could hardly look at him right now. He nodded as he pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on. “Let me ex—“
Sniper cut him off abruptly, shaking his head violently. “I promise you mate, I do not want to hear it.”
“But—“
“No, really. It’s fine.” After grabbing the health pack in the corner of the room, he looked back at Spy with a raised brow. “The next time you’re feelin’ that randy durin’ a fight, just come and find me. There’s no need to debase yourself like this.”
Any other explanation died on his lips as his eyebrows threatened to shoot up into his hairline.
After Sniper was sure his words had the intended effect, he shrugged his narrow shoulders. Despite his suggestion, he still looked wholly disappointed with him. He’d have to make it up to him later, perhaps.
He left without another word and Spy remained seated on the edge of the table, trying to understand how and why his life had come to this.
As expected, he found himself unable to.