Chapter Text
It was a cycle, a never ending downward cycle of late night calls and quiet sobs. Chenle knew the routine better than he knew his own name. At school he would watch Jisung cling to Jaemin, craving the elders attention while the pink haired male would lightly shove him off. It was the same scrunched up nose motion each day. The younger would brush it off and continue to mess with the elder until he gave in to holding his hand, only below the lunch table though. Jisung would get all flushed and look at the ground, Jaemin would continue to flirt unabashedly with Jeno and Chenle would watch from the other side of the table wondering how Jisung managed to stay oblivious. After school Jisung and Chenle would walk home together, that was until the youngest decided to start getting a ride from Jaemin, leaving Chenle to grip the straps of his bookbag and continue on without his friend. Occasionally Hyuck would notice and offer him a ride home, always something along the lines of “Mark wouldn’t mind.” or “It’s been awhile since you hung out with us.” The small Chinese would politely tell him he had homework or his aunt was in town before walking home by himself. He was used to it, it’s been like this for 2 years now. Ever since Mark hyung graduated the dynamics have changed, Jaemin and Jisung became a thing and Chenle was a backup plan. A second choice. He perked up when his phone ringing, the time telling him he’s been doing homework for the past 3 hours. Jisung’s contact was covering his screen as he sighed to himself, mentally preparing for what was to come. He tapped accept and held the phone to his ear, knowing he didn’t have to speak for the younger to know he answered. “Hyung.” Jisung rasped, his voice broken and pain ever so present. Chenle let out a hum and the boy continued. “J-Jeno and Jaemin were,” a pause and the sound of a sob filling his ear. No matter how often this happened, it still hurt his heart. “I found them making out in Jaemin’s kitchen.” Jisung broke down, his sobs growing louder and louder as Chenle let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “The door is unlocked, Sungie.” He assured the younger and hung up. Within minutes the front door was being shut and Chenle shifted his view to his bedroom door. When Jisung opened it, the elder’s heart hurt. The boy’s hair a mess, face red and cheeks stained with tears that were still falling fast. He got up and pulled the younger towards his bed. Once the younger settled his head on Chenle’s chest, the Chinese began to run his fingers through the broken boy’s hair. “I don’t understand hyung. What did I do wrong?” Jisung cried out, fisting the other’s shirt. “He never kisses me, all I ever get is a ‘later’ and then a ride home. Why doesn’t he ever touch me? It’s always Jeno, I’m his boyfriend. Or at least I thought I was. I just want to be loved.” Chenle whispered reassuring words until the boy cried himself to sleep. Lightly caressing the younger’s cheek, Chenle let a silent tear fall. “I love you, even if I was never your first choice.” He whispered and allowed himself to let the tears fall until he passed out. When he woke up the next morning to and empty bed, he curled into himself. The boy let his breaths turn uneven and his pillow to be soaked as he let everything out. It was mentally exhausting to play shoulder to cry on but there was nothing else he would rather be. At least at the end of every night he got to hold his love in his arms, even if he wasn’t his. Eventually he found himself showered and ready to go to Renjun’s, the elder’s house being where the group spent their Saturdays. Hyuck’s voice could be heard from outside and he could see Jeno’s eyes crinkling as he laughed at something. Chenle allowed himself to commit this to memory, the times where it seems as if everything was okay and not that one small move could destroy everything. He rang the bell and was pulled into the elder Chinese’s arms. “Lele is here, time for the fun part.” Jaemin exclaimed and Mark came out from the kitchen, bottles of hard liquor in both hands. Countless loud cheers were heard from the small group of friends and Chenle sank back down onto the couch, head falling against the back. When he looked up he could see Jaemin caressing a hand up Jeno’s thigh, Jisung oblivious on the pink haired males other side and Mark and Hyuck lost in each other. Renjun plopped down next to the other and gave him a smile, offering a sip of whatever poison he had in his cup. The younger declined but laid his head in the boys lap, Renjun gave him a weak smile and held his hand with his only free one. Music began playing and laughter was heard on all sides, Chenle let himself slide into his mind. He was startled when he sat up to hear a glass fall. His eyes shot to Jisung who’s glass was now right next to his feet, eyes glued on the sight before him. Jaemin grinding himself against Jeno who was leaving little bites along the boy’s neck. “Jaemin…” Jisung exclaimed and the two jumped apart. “Ji, baby I’m sorry. I promise I wasn’t thinking.” The elder apologized as Jeno slipped out of the room. “How many times will you do this?” The youngest asked, tears falling fast. Jaemin walked towards him and wiped the tears away. “This is it, I’m sorry. I will be a better boyfriend, stop crying baby.” Jaemin promised and jisung fell into his arms. Chenle let out a quiet laugh and held his quivering smile when Hyuck looked at him. He knew this look, always at the same part of his weekly routine. It was always a silent, “Are you okay?” and the elder already knew the answer. Chenle excused himself and left once again. Later on he would get a call once the party was over, Jisung in tears as expected. It would always be like this, just like clockwork. No matter what Jisung did, no matter who he choose, Chenle would sacrifice anything to see the younger smile. He knew that no matter what he did to comfort the boy and how calm the boy got in his arms, he would leave by morning but return in tears by night. Jisung knew his feelings, it was carelessly spilled the one time Chenle drank one too many cups of whatever Renjun’s mom had in her cabinet. Jisung avoided him for a week before returning to his bed, filling the silence with his cries. There have been nights where the younger would mumble something about “I wish I was in love with you.” and Chenle would just hum, a silent “I do, too.” Sometimes Donghyuck would come over and allow Chenle to cry on him but it never does much, just a reminder that in Jisung’s mind he’ll always be his best friend and nothing else. But nothing is better sometimes