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Thoughts fogged my mind like a darkening smoke. They always did when I saw her. She wore her uniform perfectly. Her knee highs covered enough skin, but it was her skirt my mouth watered over. Every time she took a step, it swayed and moved just so. I wanted nothing more than to take what was mine.
I could already imagine her moaning my name over and over again. Only my name could ever leave her mouth. If another’s name came out of it, I would have to crush them. No one else deserved her. No one else was good enough. No one but me.
She walked over to me with a smile on her face and a hop in her step. Once she was close enough, her fingers curled around mine. I wanted to hold onto her forever.
“Were we still on for Friday?” Her voice sang like a song. Every time I heard it, I became enamored with the idea that I could put her in a birdcage and hear her sing for me.
“Depends,” I replied.
“On what?”
“Did you stop talking to Jon?” I asked her. I felt an anger slowly settle inside of me. It wasn’t dormant. It was waiting.
“Babe, I told you, Jon Snow’s my friend,” she argued with me. Hmph. Wrong answer. I dropped her books to the ground.
“And I told you that you don’t need friends. You don’t need him. You have me.” I glared her down. She bent down to pick up her books. The image of her on her knees made me think of terrible things. Ideas of what I could do to her.
“Ramsay, you’re so mean! Jon’s only just a friend. You don’t have to be jealous.”
“I’m not jealous. I’m right. Why do you think he’s talking to you?”
“Because we’re friends Ramsay!” she snapped back distressed. I watched her storm off down the hallway and stairwell to her next class. I rolled my eyes. She was wrong. Jon Snow wanted to take her from me. Most men did. They didn’t respect that she belonged to me.
I stared at her picture for the rest of the day. She avoided me like I was some disease. How cruel she was when she was upset with me. Still, I had pictures of her I could look at. Videos of her fingers played with the fabric of her white cotton panties. I wish I could tell you it made me horny and hungry for her, but it only made me angry.
Who else was she sharing herself with? Who else was she talking to? She didn’t need anyone else. Only me. Whatever friendship she had with Jon Snow, it needed to end. And it needed to end now.
Friday evening came and she sat on my bed waiting for me to answer her question.
“No. You’re not allowed.” I finally answered.
“I’m not allowed?” her face twisted. Her eyes pointed at me. Her upper lip raised in disgust. “No, you can’t do that to me! You’re so controlling! I’m leaving!” As she rose to storm out of the room, I jerked her by her wrist. I didn’t realize how hard I twisted it until I heard her in pain. You can imagine the trip to the emergency room with that awful stepmother, Walda, and the phone call to her parents.
They wanted to arrest me on the spot. They wanted to take me away from her. And maybe I deserved it.
I looked at the redness in her eyes. The amount of pain she was in. My eyebrows knitted while I searched her bag for her phone. After unlocking it, her home screen was set to a picture of us together. I dug through messages between her and other boys. Nothing awful. Nothing that set me off. Just agreements and dates to work on projects. Even her conversations with Jon had nothing sexual at all in them. Just advice on how to talk to Ygritte.
This was boring and awful. I couldn’t be a part of this anymore. All she did was drive me up the wall. And all I did was cause her pain. Emotional. Physical. Did it matter? She was in the hospital because of me. Having her was supposed to be fun. I hated this.
She didn’t call me back in a week after that. I didn’t try. Why make the effort? I wasn’t going to apologize for who I was. I wanted her to myself and only myself. I couldn’t share her with anyone else? What the fuck was that noise? Who in their right mind shares the one they love with anyone?
No, I don’t love her. I kept telling myself that every damn day. I didn’t miss her. I could live without her. I’d wake up. Go to school. Cuss at a teacher. Punch a younger student. Go home. Eat. Jerk off. Go to bed. That’s all I needed.
There were days where I would catch sight of her. The way she smiled, how her eyes dilated, the sound of her laugh. How short her skirt was. How I could peek at her skin. How badly I wanted my mouth on her. How desperate I became to hold her and kiss her and take her away from everyone else just by only looking at her.
It was like an itch I had to scratch. Y/N was mine. And here she was laughing with other people. People who didn’t understand her like I did. People who could never love her like I do. I watched Jon Snow push back his hair and all I wanted to do was to staple his goddamned nut sack to his forehead. I wanted to hurt him.
My knife was in my hand before I knew it. I ran my thumb over the blade to remind me how sharp it was. How deep could I cut him before he dies too quickly? How much blood could I cover myself in for her to understand that I was the only one who could ever love her?
I started to mumble to myself. “Look at me. Just turn around and look at me. I’m the only one that matters. Fucking look at me.”
She didn’t. She was so happy without me. I wanted to kill her so bad. How dare she exist without me? I needed to be level. I needed to calm down, but how could I? I felt my heart pounding in my chest. Every time I thought of her my head stormed and ran wild with anything. From holding her during the rain to hearing her moan in a public bathroom.
I told myself for weeks that I didn’t need her. That was a lie.
That night I texted her over and over. She didn’t answer me. That was her mistake. I grabbed my hoodie and snuck out into the night. Jumping over fences and taking shortcuts until I made it to her home. I remembered which window was hers. She liked to light a candle by the window sill to say hello to any night time fairies that would drop by. It was something she learned in childhood. Did anyone else care about that? No. They didn’t.
Unlike most Hollywood movies, her window was on the first floor of the stupid ranch style home that her stepfather bought. I tapped on the glass just enough to not scare her. I watched curtains move and then the window opened.
“Ramsay?” she called out. Her hair was perfect. She rubbed her sleepy eyes in such a way that my heart swelled. “What are you doing here?”
“I need you. I need to talk to you.”
“Do you know what time it is?”
“Please.” I have made it through years of my life spitting at people. Demanding for respect for myself. I’ve punched a cop for the fuck of it. And here I was saying ‘please’ to her. She deserved it. She’s the only one to deserve my kindness.
I climbed into her bedroom and I smelled the air. Lavender. The soothing scent entered my nose and I saw her sit on her bed. The t-shirt and shorts made her look absolutely adorable. I wanted to ruin it.
“What do you want?” she asked me. A single lamp lit the room partially.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” I said. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” she said. My heart beat a thousand times faster. I took a step towards her. “But, I don’t think we should be together.” And just like that, she held the power to completely break me. I let out a frustrated sigh.
“I don’t think you understand—
“You wouldn’t let me see my friends and when I disagreed, you hurt me!”
“I didn’t mean to.” I advanced on her too fast for her to protest. I told her once sprained hand and held it to my mouth. “I’d never do anything to hurt you. Never again.”
“You promise? Pinky swear?” She offered her little finger to me and I took it, kissing her cheek.
“Promise.” I kissed her cheek again and again until I found my mouth buried in her neck. Her chest rose and fell in my hands. God, she was so heavenly when she just breathed. Her soft lips tasted sweet and warm like chocolate and I tasted her even more so when her tongue slipped into my mouth.
My hands went up her sides and down her back. No bra underneath. Of course. But what kind of girl wore a bra to bed anyways? Nonetheless. She made it easy for me. My hands kneaded her breasts. All that soft flesh in my hands. She moaned into our kisses. I watched her eyes flutter.
Her hands tangled in my hair. It felt so good. I missed her. I miss the way my body reacted to hers when she touched me. My hoodie and shirt were off before I could manage to get any clothes of hers off. I laid her body down on her bed. My hand slid up her shirt while I planted kisses on her tummy. Hearing her giggle made my heart sigh with joy. How can someone be this perfect?
Before she slipped her panties off, I stopped her. I sniffed them letting the scent of her fog my head. I wanted to consume nothing but her. I let my fingers roam on her, but my mouth suck and teased her vagina through her precious underwear. I nearly soaked it with my saliva and her wetness. One finger pulled it aside while I penetrated her.
She let out a gasp. Oh, the sweet girl did miss me. I started going and building up my pace. She reacted by holding onto me and closing her eyes. I grabbed her neck.
“Don’t close them. Look at me,” I demanded her. “Only me. Don’t you fucking dare take your eyes off of me.” Her eyes went wide as I heard strained breaths come from her mouth. I pressed down on her harder when I felt how tight she truly was. I had almost forgotten that she loved to be punished. I lifted her up to sit on my lap.
I bounced her up and down my dick. My thumb circling her clit while my other hand kept her balance. Watching her lose her shit was worth all of those weeks waiting for her.
“You’re mine. Do you understand? Only I can do this to you. Only I can make you feel this way, yes?”
“Yes!’ she let out louder than she wanted.
“You belong to no one but me.”
“Yes!”
“Tell me that you belong to me. Tell me you’re mine!” I thrusted into her, holding an arm back. She winced and moaned louder.
“I belong to no one but you! I’m yours! I—
I felt her finish on me and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. She felt so fucking good and then I lost it. My seed burst into her pussy. My nails dug into her skin while I tried to keep a hold of her. She wasn’t going anywhere. My lips kissed her skin. She was my territory. Fucking her made her my territory.
She was everything to me, and I’ll kill the next person who tries to take her away.