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Everything was calm, so nothing was calm. It was that strange atmosphere that you get when everything’s gone to hell, or about to go to hell, or in a reprieve during the middle of hell. The kind of atmosphere where even though there is nothing happening right in front of you, even though for all intents and purposes everything is calm , deep down inside you know that the world is cracking open and you’re powerless to stop it.
Skye had experienced this many times in her life- frankly, it’d be fair to say that she was in a near constant state of it- but it wasn’t something that ever got any easier to deal with. Sure, maybe she’d grown used to it, come up with a hundred and one ways to cope when it became too much to bare, but it had never gotten any easier.
There was one difference this time, though. This time she didn’t have to deal with it alone.
...In theory.
In reality, even though she was surrounded by her friends, she was still very much alone with it.
Coulson was busy conducting damage control, taking part in the mad scramble for resources and people , trying to make this just a little bit less catastrophic than it was. May and Trip were interrogating Ward, trying to find out as much information as they could about Hydra now, when even the tiniest tidbit could be the difference between life and death for who knows how many agents. Fitz was in the ICU, as he had been for the past two days, still non-responsive, and Simmons hadn’t left his side.
And Skye was here. Sitting in this new- what should she even call it? Common room? Mess hall? Whatever - nursing a cup of coffee, trying desperately to make the events of the past week make some kind of sense.
It was strange. Before this, she’d really felt it . That feeling that she’d never had before, that sense of belonging, of family , that had always just felt like the kind of thing that was restricted to other people . Coulson, May, Fitz, Simmons, Ward and her. That had been it- a structure she’d been happy to settle into.
But now, everything was different. She couldn’t even think of Ward without feeling nauseous, and while she still felt just the same affection for the others, thinking of them too deeply still made her want to cry.
Though perhaps that wasn’t surprising. Thinking about any of that in general rather made her want to cry.
...Okay. Enough. She decided that she’d spent more than enough time pitying herself. She took a final swig of her coffee, before setting off.
She didn’t have a clear destination in mind, but when her feet took her to the medical unit, it made perfect sense.
For a few moments she stood by the door, watching. Fitz looked so weak on the bed, hooked up to all kinds of different monitors that Skye couldn’t come close to naming. Sitting on a chair to his side, Simmons didn’t look too great herself, but who could blame her?
Skye shuffled on the spot, before gently knocking on the door, attracting Simmons attention. The other woman jumped, clearly not having noticed Skye’s presence earlier.
Now that Simmons was looking at her, Skye could see with even more clarity just how badly she was doing, and she found herself suddenly wondering if Simmons had slept at all after being cleared from medical herself.
The fog in her brain lifted, and Skye found herself with a goal.
“Hey,” She took a step further into the room, but didn’t sit down, “You look terrible.”
Simmons forced a smile, then turned her attention back to Fitz, as if she expected- or hoped- there to have been a change in the few seconds she’d been looking away. “Why, thank you.”
“You know what I mean.” In a lower voice, she continued, “You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
“Oh, I suppose I do.” Simmons was clearly distracted, still not looking up from Fitz.
Not giving herself a moment to wonder if she was in over her head, Skye walked forwards until she was right besides Simmons. “He’s not going to wake up if you blink, Simmons!”
“ I know .” Simmons shot back, with more emotion than she’d spoken with before. Skye wondered if that was a success, “But I can’t… if I sleep , and then he wakes up…”
Skye let out a breath, “Do you really think he’d be happy if he woke up and saw you looking like you’re about to pass out?”
“No, of course I don’t. But I can’t… you don’t understand .”
“Yeah. You’re right. I don’t. You two… you were so inseparable. I can’t imagine what this must feel like for you- but he is my friend, too, and so are you. I know he’d hate to know how far you’re pushing yourself for him, and I sure as hell hate seeing it, too.”
Simmons didn’t respond for a while, and Skye began to wonder if she would, before she let out a quiet, “...I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Just, go back to your room. Get some rest. I can take over here, and I’ll call you the second he so much as twitches.”
Simmons quietly shook her head.
“ Come on . Simmons, you need to sleep. It’s been at least two days , I don’t get how you haven’t passed out yet, but you’re going to if you keep this up!”
“I know.” Simmons voice sounded choked, and Skye realised with horror that this whole situation was getting away from her.
“Then why won’t you do it? You must be exhausted, and I said I’d take over, so why won’t-” Then it hit her. “...You’re afraid to be alone. Aren’t you?”
Simmons clenched her fist tightly, and didn’t respond, but after having spent the past few months in close-quarters with her, Skye knew that she was right.
“God, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about…” She sighed, and took a seat beside Simmons, carefully placing her hand over Simmons’ fist. “This sucks.”
Simmons laughed wetly, “It does.”
For a while the two of them sat, just taking in each other’s company and watching the rise and fall of Fitz’s chest, but eventually the beeping of the machine began to drive Skye mad, and she had to break the silence.
“I just keep thinking back, when he was my S.O., all the things he said. We won’t turn out bad . What a liar.” She kept her gaze fixed on the ground as she spoke, “I mean… it’s not like lying is the worst thing he ever did, but-”
“I understand.” Simmons cut in, “I’ve been thinking as well. Haven’t really done much else than just think and think and- Well. I keep remembering how he- saved me - when I jumped. It makes me feel sick.”
Skye sighed. “Yeah. Me too. He played us like suckers. But it’s his fault. We believed him and cared about him, sure, but he was the one to take that and use it against us. Doesn’t say anything about us.”
“I know that. I do. But… I still can’t stop myself feeling so stupid .”
Skye couldn’t argue against that, and let the sentiment hang in the air for a few moments, before pulling herself to her feet. “Let’s go out.”
Surprised at the sudden turn, Simmons looked up, “Excuse me?”
“Out. You haven’t left his place since we arrived- I know you haven’t because you haven’t even left this room . The fresh air’ll be good.”
Simmons frowned. “Are we even allowed to leave?”
Skye shrugged, “Dunno, but I’ve gone out a few times already, so I figure no one really has the energy to care.”
Simmons pursed her lips, looking over at Fitz again, but before she spoke, Skye cut back in.
“Look, we’ll only be gone a few minutes- half an hour at the most. You’re not going to miss anything.” Simmons still didn’t look convinced, so Skye sighed and held out her hand, “Your phone.”
Not understanding, but going along with it anyway, Simmons fished her new phone out of her pocket and passed it to Skye. Skye pulled her own out of her pocket, calling Simmons and hitting the accept button. Then she placed Simmons phone on the pillow beside Fitz, and hit the speaker buttons on the both of them.
“There. DIY Fitz monitor. If anything happens, we’ll hear it.”
Simmons still didn’t seem convinced.
“Come on . I’ve fixed every reason you have for not wanting to leave. Sitting around here isn’t going to help anyone- not you, and certainly not Fitz. Just come with me for five minutes and if you still want to come back then, then fine, I’ll come back with you.”
Simmons sighed. “You’re not going to give up until I say yes, are you?”
“Nope!”
With the smallest smile imaginable, Simmons stood and took Skye’s hand in her own.
“Okay then. Lead the way.”
.
They ended up just outside of the Playground. Skye wasn’t sure what this area was originally intended to be, but it was where she’d been sneaking out when she needed a break from the atmosphere inside. It was peaceful, out here. You could almost imagine that the past week had never happened.
Almost.
Simmons scrunched her face up as the cold air hit her, pulling her jacket around herself tighter. “Has it been raining?”
“I guess so.”
Skye leaned back against the wall, shutting her eyes and just letting herself listen to the sounds of nature. This was so much better than inside. Even if it was just for a few moments, things felt that they made more sense out in the open air.
Apparently, Simmons felt similarly, because she hesitantly began to speak.
“I’m just scared.” She admitted. “I’m scared, because… what if he doesn’t ever wake up? I- I know we’re only on the second day. I know he might still wake up. But I also know that he might not , and even if he does, there’s no knowing what state he’ll be in- will he be able to speak? Work in the lab? Will he even remember me? I-”
Simmons cut herself off and took in a deep breath, trying to control the panic in her chest, and the way that her body’s shaking was almost definitely not just from the cold anymore. “-I’ve been with him for so long. I don’t remember what it’s like to be without him. I don’t remember what it’s like to be alone.”
Skye immediately stepped forwards, wrapping her arms around Simmons and pulling her into her. Once again, she found herself reminded of how much she despised Ward for doing this to them.
“I’m not going to stand here and pretend to get what you guys have. I’ve never had anything like that, I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose it, but I- I know that no matter what happens, you’re not going to be alone. Coulson’s busy, but he’s still here, and both May and Trip are going to be around more- and you sure as hell are always going to have me right here.” She held Simmons tighter, letting her cry into her chest. “This sucks, but we’re still a team. We’re going to get through this.”
She continued to hold Simmons for longer- certainly longer than the promised five minutes. As time started to tick by, Skye slowly came to realise that Simmons had passed out in her embrace.
Smiling wryly, Skye scooped Simmons up, intending on taking her to her quarters to get a proper sleep. This turned out to be a bit more difficult than anticipated, but Skye didn’t intend to give up now.
As she staggered through the hallways of the Playground, Skye thought back over the events of the past week. Yeah, it had been hell. They’d been met with betrayal, violence and death at every turn, and no matter how things played out from here, they were certainly going to be left with their scars.
But this wouldn’t be the end of them.
No matter what, Skye didn’t intend on giving up on this family that she’d found, and she was sure that she wasn’t the only one to feel that way.