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cause in the end, friends can break your heart more than any significant other ever could.
we did everything together. we were two peas in a pod. we came as a pair. if i was at a party, no doubt that she was within 5 feet distance. we laughed together, we cried together. we kissed, we held hands. we were inseparable.
i always loved her more than she loved me.
ever since the day i met her, i was smitten. and for a little while, she was smitten too. so we did things girlfriends did. we never told anyone. eventually, she grew out of it. i knew she was not happy. she didn’t light up the same way like she always did at the sight of me. i broke up with her. but we remained very best friends.
we still did everything together, we shared everything, we still were inseparable. we still held hands.
then she got a boyfriend. it hurt. i was angry, i was jealous. i couldn’t bear the thought of sharing her with someone else. slowly, she drifted away. she began doing things she never did before, and didn’t bother telling me. she took Him to places where we used to go.
i felt utterly alone.
i did not have other friends, since all i ever really focused on was her. i began making new friends. it pissed her off. suddenly i wasn’t the lovesick puppy anymore. suddenly i didn’t drop anything and everything to rush to her aid.
after 5 months, she broke up with her boyfriend. i was ecstatic. i never liked him anyway.
i expected her to come back to me the way she always was. instead, she came back to me as a completely different person.
every weekend, she would go out, get drunk and hook up with someone. it was her coping mechanism. i don’t know what she was coping with. maybe the break-up. personally, i think it was to make up for the 5 months she didn’t have the opportunity to do those things.
she never invited me to come.
again, i felt alone. i felt sad. i felt depressed. how she used to make me happy, she only made me miserable now.
she made new friends. she didn’t invite me to parties. the only time she seemed to like me was at school.
back then, i should have ended the friendship already, but i didn’t.
i was still so in love. jealousy consumed me.
i was worried about her. rumors spread like wildfire in small towns, she had a reputation in no time. i told her that. she didn’t want to hear it.
summer break began. i was busy working. i only saw her twice in 6 weeks. we had a fight that second time. i don’t even remember what it was about. she was mad at me, told me i was judgemental and arrogant. that i only cared about myself.
i thought that she would come back to me, like always. she didn’t.
she didn’t need me anymore.