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It was funny as hell the first time, when it it had been intentional. Chase’s red face, the coat all balled up in front of his crotch like House hasn’t seen a fucking boner before. Cameron’s head turn, her fingers curled against her thighs. Comedy fucking gold.
It’s kind of funny the second time. Less funny the third. It gets old the fourth and he’s really fucking done by the fifth.
Oh, and each of those times he’s walked in on his fellows fucking? It wasn’t always Cameron and Chase. The second and fifth were definitely Chase and Foreman, unless Chase is being fucked by some other well endowed black doctor. A doctor who calls Chase a slut the moment House opens the door. That had been the fifth time. House’s eyebrows had been in his hair line, and curious as he was, he’d quietly shut the door before either of them could notice him because no thank you. He’s done seeing the genitals of his fellows. Even if watching them get kinky would give him fodder to make fun of them for years to come.
Anyways. Payback is in order. An eye for an eye and all that.
It’s fairly easy to set up, all things considered. For one thing, its not hard to bate Wilson into office sex. For someone so uptight and clean shaven, he’s something of a nymphomaniac and House absolutely loves that about him. They fuck at work all the time already, and Wilson has no reason to suspect that this time is a little different than the others. Even if it is.
Different as in, while Wilson is busy sliding into him, House manages to grab his beeper and page all three fellows. He’d also managed to make Wilson to forget to lock the office door behind them, mostly with his mouth.
“Fuck,” Wilson hisses. His hands on House’s hips are tight, breath hot as he leans over House’s back to nip at his ear. He’s got House bent over his desk, legs splayed just wide enough not to hurt his thigh. They’re both still fully clothed, pants moved around just enough to get dicks out, to push out of the way so Wilson can press his weight into House’s hips.
After that House kind of forgets about the fellows. Kind of hard to remember other people when Wilson is laying possessive kisses against his shoulders through his thin t-shirt, that long, wonderful dick of his battering House’s prostate relentlessly. Ah, the perks of fucking another doctor. Or, being fucked, as it were.
The door bursts open mid-thrust, three bodies spilling into Wilson’s office in various states of disarray. House might have kinda exaggerated that page just a little.
“What’s-” Foreman starts, but it’s immediately followed by, “Jesus Christ!”
Cameron’s squeak is high pitched,and her “Oh my god,” is very, very faint.
Chase doesn’t even say anything, just makes a very loud, very upset noise and turns around to cover his eyes.
“Um,” says Wilson. His movements have stilled, fingers still tight on House’s hips. His chest is to House’s back but House can feel the way he’s kind of arched, head lifted to look at the fellows. “Can we…help you?”
“I think I’m going to need to bleach my eyes,” Chase says faintly.
“Is…is there actually someone dying?” Cameron asks, ever the naive one. Her gaze is fixed firmly on the wall somewhere over Wilson’s shoulder.
House props his elbows against the desk, head pillowed on his hands so he can flutter his eyelashes at them. “Nope!”
“Alright, I’m out of here,” Foreman growls, already turning for the still open door.
“Nobody move,” Wilson snaps. Three sets of surprised eyes turn to him, and House tips his head to the side to indicate his own attentiveness. Oh, a plot twist. He fucking loves those.
“Did you seriously bring them here on purpose, House?”
“Oh, don’t get all high and mighty, this is just payback,” House whines. The fingers on his hips tighten threateningly.
“You walked in on all three of them?” Wilson replies dubiously.
“It was once!” Cameron argues, then softer, “And it wasn’t…all of us.”
House smiles gleefully at them. “No, it was just Cameron and Chase and,” he pauses for dramatic effect, drawing out the last word, “Foreman and Chase. Also definitely more than once each.”
Cameron’s head whips around, ponytail flying. “What?”
Neither Foreman nor Chase look particularly surprised, though Chase does throw his hands up in a surrendering gesture. “You said we weren’t exclusive!”
“That doesn’t mean I want you…fucking another coworker!”
The corner of Foreman’s mouth tilts up and House scoffs loudly. “Yeah, Chase isn’t the one doing the fucking. Kind of a slut, isn’t he. At least that’s what Foreman called-”
“Hey!” Chase cuts in. “That’s enough!”
“Funny, that’s not what you were telling Foreman.”
“Alright!” It’s Wilson that cuts in this time, and the snap of his voice is accompanied by a tiny little thrust of hips, probably unnoticed by the fellows but definitely noticed by House. He has to bite his lip to stop a moan from escaping. “I think we’re all done here, yes? If you guys wouldn’t mind leaving I’d really like to…” Judging by the following silence and the shifting of his weight, he probably made a sweeping gesture with his hands.
“Finish?” Foreman asks.
“No, berate my boyfriend. I just need you guys to leave so I can pull out to do it.”
“Ooookay,” Cameron says, teeth clenched around the word. “I’m out. I’m so out.”
“I’m going to need so much fucking bleach,” Chase mutters, but the three of them leave without another protest. The door shuts behind them and the silence that follows stretches for a long, tense second.
“I’m in trouble, aren’t I,” House sighs.
A sharp roll of Wilson’s hips has House gasping, hands suddenly grasping at the desk.
“So much trouble,” Wilson agrees lightly. But he’s starting up a steady rhythm again, leaning down to kiss at House’s neck.
House arches it in response, giving Wilson more access. “God, I love your idea of punishment.”
A particularly hard thrust has all of House’s breath knocking out of him in a loud rush.
“This isn’t the punishment,” Wilson promises into his ear, and House shivers at the feeling of it, lips curling into a smile even as another moan is pressed out of him.
Two birds, one stone.