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Darkness.
It's dark.
Everything around him is dark.
He is falling. Into an abyss, without an end. Just falling. He reaches out his hands, tries to grab something to stop the falling, to just make it STOP, but his hands grasp into nothing. He struggles, and kicks. He is trying so hard but he keeps on falling.
His body will be smashed once he hits the ground.
But he doesn't die. He wakes up, turns to look to the side. His body hurts, aches, but he is alright.
He doesn't die.
But everyone else does. Peter does.
Everyone he loves does.
To his right side, there is Steve lying on the ground.
Steve is dead.
~~~
Tony is dripping in sweat when he wakes up. He barley manages to get up and drag himself to the kitchen. Everything in his mind is foggy, like huge clouds of dust covering his sight. He tries to take a glass out of the cupboard, but he drops it.
Shit.
He needs to clean the mess. Someone might actually step on it, and get hurt.
He cuts his finger while he tries to pick up the shards, something behind his eyelids burns.
What is he supposed to do now?
A towel. Where is a towel? He should wipe away the mess.
There is blood.
"Careful. Let me do that." Tony's ears still ring, hands shivering, when he feels a warm hand taking his. "Let go of it, love. I'll clean up."
Tony lets the shards drop down, like he is on autopilot. He feels how he is shoved on a chair. And then there is a glass of water pressed against his lips, and he takes a sip. A warm hand strokes his hair. He feels so embarrassed for being so sweaty and such a mess.
"Sorry," Tony stutters. "I'm so sorry."
"Nothing happened, Tony. You don't need to apologize" He feels himself being tugged into a warm and tight hug. A hand rubs his back.
"It was so dark," Tony tries to explain. "Everything was dark."
The hand keeps rubbing his back. "Yes."
"I survived, and everyone else died. Everyone." Tony pauses, his eyes filling with tears. "I'm so sorry, so sorry. I survived. Sorry. Why did I survive? I wanted to save everyone. But I failed. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to survive. Why is no one successfully killing me?"
"Tony," the voice says, sounding more urgent now. Sad. A thumb rubs over his cheeks. Tony hasn't even noticed he is crying.
"And Peter...oh my god, Peter!" He feels panic rise in him. "Where is Peter?"
"Peter is perfectly fine." The hand rubs comforting circles over his back. "He is in his room, sound asleep. He secretly snuck out to a party earlier tonight, I heard him coming back. So you can actually even be mad at him tomorrow and ground him."
"And then I saw your dead body," Tony continues to ramble. "You were gone."
"But I'm here. Look at me." So Tony does, he looks up directly into Steve's deep blue eyes. They radiate so much light, so much warmth. Steve's voice is soft, like warm water dropping down on Tony's skin.
Tony's sight slowly becomes clearer. "It was a dream."
"Yes, a very bad one." Steve's fingers brush through Tony's hair, pushing it back.
"Did I call your name in my dream?"
"Yes, and I'm glad you did," Steve presses a kiss against the back of Tony's hand. "I'm glad I woke up and found you here."
"I'm so sorry for being like this Steve."
"You went through so much." Steve leans back a bit, one hand still holding Tony while the other one takes a towel and holds it under cold water. "Tony." He pauses. "I'm eternally thankful for you surviving. If you hadn't, no one would have survived to bring everyone back. It's not your fault that you survived."
"I..." Tony pauses. It sounds logical what Steve says, but still... He relives the horror every night, and it never makes sense to him that out of all he was the one who survived.
"I know." Steve hugs Tony. "It's okay, Tony. It will be alright again. Don't stress yourself. We'll manage it."
Tony nods absent-mindedly.
Steve smiles warmly. "Show me your hand?"
"I think I cut myself," Tony muses in surprise, only now feeling the stinging pain in his right palm. Steve opens his clenched fingers carefully, checking on the cut. He wraps the cold towel around it.
"It's not too deep, but I want to take a closer look at it in the bathroom," he says, showing Tony a comforting smile. He reaches out his hand to touch Tony's cheek. "Don't worry."
"You are my light," Tony says quietly. "My light."
"Hm?"
"Without you I would have fallen into darkness long ago."
Steve cracks a smile. "How I wished I would have recorded that now," he teases softly. "Because tomorrow you will feel well again and tease me into oblivion."
Tony chuckles slightly. "Maybe." He pauses. "Steve..."
Steve rubs his arms soothingly. "I love everything about you, Tony. I'm not going anywhere. You hear me?"
Tony sighs, leaning his head against Steve's shoulder. He feels Steve's long fingers massaging the nape of his neck.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me." Steve's voice is hollow. "I wish I was."
"You are here now," Tony presses his lips against Steve's neck softly. "That's all that matters for me."