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Kokichi Ouma was not a man of the truth.
He had a mask. A facade where he didn't, wouldn't and couldn't let anyone get too close.
He was deemed untrustworthy the moment he ran into Kaede Akamatsu on the day they were kidnapped. He told her he was the leader of a secret organization, consisting of over 10,000 members- and then claimed it was a lie.
He wasn't a friendly person, that much everyone should've known. He was unpredictable, he was a liar... He wasn't worth it...
He could remember Gontas screams, he could hear him calling out to no one in general. He could remember the pained look on his former partners face as the metallic insects swarmed around him. It was so vivid... It felt like a bad dream, but... It wasn't. It was real. And he let it all happen...
"Forget about it, Kokichi... He was an idiot..." He told himself. He had his back against the headboard of his bed, his knees curled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. He felt so small, so pathetic. And he hated it.
He wanted so desperately to be executed with Gonta. He wanted to be punished- after all, it wasn't Gontas fault, it was his... It was all because of him that the Ultimate Entomologist was no longer with them...
"Stop thinking about it, already... Forget about it..!" He demanded, his hands rising to his head as he tightened his grasp on his hair. "Forget about him!"
It was horrible... watching an innocent, pure man be killed for something that he wouldn't- that he didn't do.
"Don't cry... Don't cry..." he mumbled, repeating the same words over and over. Every passing second, he got louder and louder, trying to force away the memory of his friends execution.
He was gone... He was really gone because of him. Gonta Gokuhara was dead, he was practically murdered by Kokichi himself, and yet, he still forgave him for what he did to him...
"Don't cry- Don't-" He cried, just barely managing to choke out the words through short, jagged breaths. He could feel water pricking at his eyes, and he just felt so unbearably weak. "Stop being so PATHETIC!!"
The small boy had let his lips grow into a grin, stretching out from ear to ear as he looked back at his fellow ' classmates. ' He claimed Gonta was weak, that he meant nothing to him, and that he was an idiot for what he had done. He was shunned, rejected, out-casted. But he didn't care. Not anymore.
The male slammed his fist into the wall, and it would be a miracle if he didn't somehow wake up the people in the closer rooms to his. "It's your fault Gontas dead. It's your fault he couldn't see the light again... It's all your fault..." He muttered.
He could feel the hate seeping through him, their glares and remarks being aimed to him and him alone. Saihara... He said he was alone. That nobody cared about him. He was, yet again, correct. No one cared about a liar. Not his poor excuse of a family, the members of his organization, the people he had grown close to, not even himself...
The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down the leaders face. He could feel the muscles of his chin tremble as his gaze shifted toward the window, as if the light could soothe him. There was static in his head once more, the side effect of the constant fear, constant stress he continued to live with. He could hear his own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It took something out of him that he didn't know he had left to give.
It was cold...
He let a chuckle escape his throat. An empty, cold laugh, with no sign of showing any form of emotion despite any attempts. He could hardly even lie to himself now, not in this condition.
There was nothing left for him.
His friend was gone, his love despised every inch of his existence, hell, he would eventually die sooner or later anyways. There was no point in trying to pull through, not anymore.
Besides, if he did something now, they wouldn't even have a trial for it. He could pass on, go into his next life, and the others could care less. They wouldn't have to put up with him anymore, they wouldn't be angry... And maybe, Saihara would smile again.
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The detective was woken up rather unexpectedly. It was late, not too far after eleven, but nonetheless still late. Something had happened a few rooms away, and if he was normal, he probably wouldn't have been woken up. However, he had always been a bit of a light sleeper, so it certainly didn't help.
He could hear noises coming from another room, and if he could, he would simply ignore it and fall asleep, but he couldn't. The noise wouldn't stop. They sounded distressed- like someone crying.
He rose to his feet, going on to investigate as he lifted a fist, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before following the noises, stopping in front of a room. Of course, it was him. Kokichi Ouma, the entire reason behind Gontas execution. He knew Gonta wouldn't have wanted anyone to blame Kokichi, he cared for him, after all, but he couldn't not blame him. After everything that happened, he was the only person at fault for this.
Saihara knocked on the door, his tired eyes shifting from the door to his feet as the noises came to a sudden halt. Silence filled the school, as it should be, and just as he turned to leave, he heard a thump come from inside.
Sure, maybe he should've ignored it. If Kokichi was hurt, he was hurt, he deserved anything bad that came to him. He knew that, but... Saihara was a caring person. He was worried about him, even if he shouldn't be.
He twisted the doorknob, opening the door Kokichi had forgotten to lock, and what he saw came as pure shock. He expected a lot of things, but he certainly didn't expect, nor like the sight before him.
There were splotches of blood leading to either small, rusted and worn out razors or bigger, sharper blades that had been dropped close to the wrist of the boy making an attempt to crawl out of the detectives sight. He didn't want to be seen like this, that much Saihara could've guessed, but the thing that angered Saihara the most was the others poor choice of words.
He turned to look at him, his signature smirk having faltered into that of a barely even noticeable smile. The corners of his lips twitched into a small smile, little to no sign of actual happiness nor delight visible on his face. His eyes were dead, the light having been drained from them as he stared at him.
"Well, if it isn't my beloved Saihara-Chan!~ What... What brings you here..?"
The fact that he tried to brush off the situation like he did was purely enraging. He really couldn't hold back from the lies, no matter what was happening, he always avoided the truth. It pissed him off.
Saihara took a few steps closer to him, bobbing down and grabbing hold of the boys wrist. A small cry came from his mouth at the contact, his face falling as he watched the detective yank his sleeve above his elbow.
Scars and cuts were littered over the boys wrists, and it certainly didn't take a genius to figure out why he was doing this to himself... Saihara should've been able to see through his lies, like he always does, but he believed him. He blamed and accused him when he should've realized sooner.
Kokichi... He cared about Gonta, possibly even more than he cares about Saihara.
"Ouma-Kun... You-" "I know what you're about to say." Kokichi insisted, tugging his wrist out of Saiharas grasp as his stare hardened. "I should've just gotten it done already, huh? I should've sliced my own throat own, made it quick so nobody knew... But I wanted to make my end painful..." He chuckled. Saihara seemed taken aback by what he was hearing. "I wanted to hurt myself, so maybe I could feel what he felt... So please, just..."
Kokichi paused for a moment. His voice lacked conviction, he sounded broken, his voice was wavering and he was even shaking. He was an absolute wreck over this, and he wasn't used to seeing the Ultimate Supreme Leader like this. It was almost unnerving. "Let me suffer..."
"Kokichi."
The use of his given name got the male to look up at the detective, his head hanging as he felt his breath hitch. This was so out of character for him, being so vulnerable and weak around someone who could easily kill him then and there. But he just... Couldn't help it anymore. He never rested. He never took a break from the lies. He didn't realize it, but he was so unbelievably tired. He wanted someone to be there for him, protect him, comfort him...
But who would do that for him?
"You're not dying. Not while I'm here."
The taller male slipped his arms under the other, lifting him bridal style only to rest him on the bed. Admittedly, it wasn't the best choice, but the bed itself was already stained and messy. There wasn't any need to worry about getting the blankets dirty.
He walked off to the corner of the boys room. He had been there a few times before, he knew Kokichi kept a med kit in his room. Upon grabbing the small kit, Saihara approached the male once again, stripping him of his jacket and scarf, sinking his teeth into his lower lip to resist to urge to drop everything and look away. The purple haired male maintained eye contact with Saihara, his lips flickering into that of a rather smug-looking smirk at the others shock.
He didn't press on it, keeping his mouth shut as he let Saihara tend to his wounds. He hated leaving others in control of his life, but hey, there wasn't anything on the line anymore. He didn't have a reason to go on now, not anymore.
...
Heh.
I guess there was a bit of Ryoma in everyone if even Kokichi can't go on.
"Kokichi... Please, you can't do this to yourself..." Saihara mumbled, his golden grey eyes fixated on the sheets as he grabbed hold of Kokichis hand. "I know I said no one cares, but... I'm sorry, I lied. I was angry, I was... I was stupid. But... I care about you. I don't say it often, but, your life is important to me. You're important to me... I don't know what I'd do if you died..."
It wasn't long before he realized, Kokichi wasn't even listening. He had drifted off earlier on, likely due to the blood he had lost. Saihara shook his head, a brief sigh ascending from his throat as he turned to leave.
However, he felt someones grasp tighten on his hand, keeping him from doing so. His eyes lowered to Kokichi, only to see he must've been woken up due to the movement. His eyes were half-lidded, a look of pure tire and desperation glinting within his amethyst shaded eyes.
"Stay with me..." He pleaded. He refused to lock eyes with his 'beloved', beginning to chew on the loose skin below his bottom lip, thoughts flooding his mind about what could happen. Saihara had seemed to genuinely think it through, debating on whether or not he should leave.
But he didn't.
Kokichi needed him there. They both needed each other. Kokichi was a mess- more so than usual at least. Saihara didn't waste another minute, lowering himself back down as he seated himself next to Kokichi, flopping over and facing Kokichi.
The two stayed in that position, before Saihara could feel a pair of small, shaky arms wrap around his body. Of course, it could only be one other person. He returned the gesture, pulling the male closer to him and burying his face into his mess on his head he called hair. He felt Kokichi murmur something into his chest, but he couldn't exactly make it out. Seeing as Kokichi didn't acknowledge it, and they were both half-asleep, he assumed it wasn't important at the moment.
Kokichi Ouma was an absolute mystery. Even now, there were things he didn't know about him. But despite that, even in the worst of situations...
Kokichi can lie about a lot of things, but he can't hide the warmth of his hand.