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As the walked, Kagome smiled at him from over her shoulder. Not at Sango or Miroku or Shippo. A smile just for him. It was innocent and inviting, calling him forward with just the curve of her lips.
Inuyasha always felt debilitated, seeing her smile at him like that. As if his presence somehow made everything right in the world.
'I love you as a half-demon Inuyasha!'
Yeah, she'd said that. But Kagome'd told Sango and Shippo that she loved them too. So what was the difference?
She'd kissed him on the mouth once... But that had been to snap him out of his full demon form in a moment of panic. It had felt romantic to him at the time but she'd been so scared...
In the moment Inuyasha had luckily chosen to ignore his higher reasoning and let Kagome's kiss lure him back to his half-demon state. But when he thought of it now he was filled with doubt.
He didn't doubt Kagome. She felt something for him. But there was always that thought in the back of his mind that whispered it was just because she didn't know any better.
She was young and innocent, unknowledgeable in the ways of demons. Of course she wouldn't understand what she'd offered him. If she had... maybe she wouldn't have tried to kiss him in the first place. Or maybe she would have waited until the fight was over and tried to put some distance between them.
She didn't know what mating was. It wouldn't have even surprised him if she didn't know what sex was. And the prejudice against half-demons that she had seen on their journeys together barely scratched the surface of his own experience.
Kagome was trusting and kind. Where others saw a stray half-breed she'd seen a man, an equal, worthy of her respect and friendship the same as anyone else.
It shamed him to know that he didn't deserve it.
Not when he wanted to take that innocence in her eyes and shatter it to pieces with his own body, marking her forever as his and thus unleashing the world's hatred on her.
Kagome turned back ahead and continued walking with the group. Her laughter echoed in his ears at a comment Sango made.
A hollow feeling ached in Inuyasha's chest at the sound.
As much as he hated the feelings of lust and possessiveness he harbored toward his best friend, the idea of her leaving him behind someday was so much worse.
The mere thought filled him with a raw emotion. With every step she took, it tore at his heart with claws of its own, pulling him toward her almost magnetically.
Inuyasha knew it was too late to think of whether his feelings were wrong or right. They would still be there driving him on no matter how horrible his desires made him.
But if there was even the smallest chance that he really was the one to make her smile like that, then maybe he could still afford to hope.