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Osomatsu sighed contentedly, holding onto Choromatsu as he faced away from him, both of them tangled up in the soft sheets provided by the love hotel. Osomatsu ran his finger up and down Choromatsu’s arm. Despite how grumpy Choromatsu tended to be, these little moments where he was more vulnerable were Osomatsu’s favorites. He had a side that he only showed to Osomatsu, a more sweet side that Osomatsu loved to bits. He wished they could stay like this forever, just the two of them.
Choromatsu stretched and sat up, pulling some of the sheets along with him. Without a word he picked up the pack of cigarettes from the bedside table and took two out. He offered one to Osomatsu, who sat up and accepted it. “Thanks,” Osomatsu said, as he took the lighter from Choromatsu and lit his own cigarette.
Choromatsu didn't look at him, he sat on the edge of the bed, taking a long drag off his cigarette. He tapped the ashes into the ashtray before he finally spoke. “We need to talk, Osomatsu.”
Osomatsu flinched visibly at those words. That didn't sound good. He was afraid to even ask. He tried to keep his voice even as he replied, “Okay?”
Another long drag from his cigarette. Another anxious pause. Osomatsu had to keep himself from fidgeting too much. Something was obviously wrong, and he wanted to know now. It was pretty much impossible to push Choromatsu. If he tried he’d probably clam up about whatever the problem was. Osomatsu rather get it out into the air, so he could at least try and fix whatever was wrong. If this was another lecture about him getting a job and Choromatsu was just being dramatic about it, he would be angry. He sort of knew that wasn't the case.
“Osomatsu, We-” After a long pause Choromatsu finally spoke up. “We can't do this anymore.”
“What? What do you mean?” Osomatsu felt anger flaring to the surface. “Hey, say something. What. Do. You. Mean?”
Choromatsu’s shoulders slumped. “Osomatsu, we can't keep coming to love hotels and having sex. I'm done.”
“What, are you breaking up with me?” Osomatsu grabbed Choromatsu’s shoulder, turning him to face him. Choromatsu kept looking down, his face expressionless.
“I can't break up with you if we aren't dating.” Choromatsu replied bluntly.
“Oh, so what, we never had anything then? Did I really mean that little to you? What were you just using me all this time? What about-”
“Shut up, Osomatsu.” Choromatsu snapped, looking up at him with fire in his eyes. “We can't date because we are brothers. So I can't break up with you then, can I? And what, you think I was using you or some shit? Have you lost your mind? You were the one who wanted to start this whole thing.”
Osomatsu growled low in his throat. “Fine, whatever. At least give me a reason.”
“I'm moving out.” Choromatsu looked away again.
“You are what?” Osomatsu wanted to punch him. Was he really pulling this again? He already moved out once, what was he doing, trying to move out again?
“I'm leaving. I got a job in Kyoto. I'm moving there at the end of the month. I wanted to tell you first…” Choromatsu breathed in and out heavily. “Osomatsu, I-”
“Kyoto? You are moving to Kyoto? Do you hate me that much that you have to move that far away just to get away from me?” Osomatsu pounded a fist on the bed.
“I don't hate you, but you aren't entirely wrong. I am moving that far to get away from you. I can't be near you. When I am, all I can think about is you. I need to start my own life, Osomatsu.”
“We can have a life together! Here! In Tokyo!” Osomatsu couldn't understand any of this. His cigarette had gone out from disuse, so he tossed it into the ashtray.
“No we can't. What kind of life could we even have? Think for a second Osomatsu. I want to get married. I want to have children. I can't do that with you.” Choromatsu put down his own cigarette. “It's for the best that we don't see each other anymore.”
“What, forever?” Osomatsu felt like his stomach had dropped out, or maybe his heart had stopped beating. It was horrifying, the thought of never seeing the person he loved again.
“Yeah. Forever.”
Osomatsu didn't like to cry, especially not in front of his siblings, but he couldn't stop the tears that started down his cheeks. “You can't leave me. I love you Choromatsu. I love you so much “ Osomatsu grabbed onto his arm. “Please don't leave me.”
“This will be for the best. For both of us.” Choromatsu didn't yank his arm away, but sat perfectly still. “We both need to grow up, and we can't do that with each other around. We’ll keep bringing each other down.”
“No, no, don't go.” Osomatsu pulled on Choromatsu’s arm. “Please I'll do anything. I'll get a job! I'll stop drinking and gambling. Please, I can change, don't leave me!”
“Osomatsu, you know that's not the problem. Well, I mean you should do those things, but that won't make me stay. I'm leaving, and that's final.”
“I don't understand.” Osomatsu let go of Choromatsu, hanging his head. He felt like his whole world was crumbling away. He couldn't live without Choromatsu. They needed each other. Being apart was unthinkable. “You can't just go like that. You can't leave me.”
“I can't keep explaining it to you. We can't be together. We are brothers. This is for the best. Do you get it yet?” Choromatsu took out another cigarette. He didn't bother offering one to Osomatsu this time.
Osomatsu sat back, hugging his knees. “No. I'll never understand. So what was tonight then, huh? Did you just want to get off one last time before breaking my heart?”
“It's not like that. I just wanted one last night with you.”
“You are so selfish. You know that? Instead of just telling me you waited until after we fucked. You make me sick. I hate you.” Osomatsu spit out his words with as much venom as he could, but his voice still cracked.
“You don't hate me. You wouldn't be crying if you did.” Choromatsu turned towards him. “This isn't easy for me either. I wish things could be different, but we can't change the fact that we are brothers. We can never have a real relationship. Let's just forget about each other, and try to move on with our lives.”
Osomatsu had to hold back the urge to hit him. Or hold him down, pressed hard against the mattress and fuck him until he couldn't even think about leaving. Neither of those things would work, and he knew that. Osomatsu felt like he had a rather large lump in his throat, and no matter how much he swallowed, it refused to leave. There had to be something he could say, something he could do.
“We can…” Osomatsu's voice shook, his mind reeling from his swirling emotions. Angry? Sad? He didn't know what to feel anymore. He wiped the tears from his eyes before he continued. “We can get an apartment together, it's not so weird for brothers to live together. We can adopt kids, you know? We can build a life together. You don't have to do this.”
Choromatsu let Osomatsu finish before sighing. He stood up, grabbing his clothes from the floor where they had been flung earlier. “I'm getting dressed. Our time is almost up.”
Osomatsu jumped up from the bed, grabbing Choromatsu’s arm so tightly he was sure it would leave a bruise. “Did you even hear what I said? Are you just rising again? We can still be together. You don't have to leave to go chase some stupid ideal life that you'll never achieve anyway.”
“Let me go.” Choromatsu started to pull his arm away, his face full of anger.
“You'll never find a woman who loves you like I do. Fuck, you can't even talk to women. You'll just go there and be alone for your whole life. Or you'll come crawling back home again, a failure-”
“Shut up!” Choromatsu turned towards him, smacking him across the face. Stunned, Osomatsu let go of his arm, both his hands hanging limply at his sides. “How dare you call me a failure when I've done more with my life than you ever dreamed. All you do is sit on your ass. I'm done Osomatsu. I'm done.”
Choromatsu picked up the rest of his clothes and got dressed, leaving Osomatsu standing still in the middle of the room. “I'm leaving,” Choromatsu declared, opening up the door.
“Leave then. I don't care anymore.”
Choromatsu slammed the door behind him. Only then did Osomatsu sink down to his knees, pressing a hand against his face where Choromatsu had smacked him. He couldn't even cry now. He couldn't do anything.
His whole world had walked out the door, and he'd never be the same again.