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“I said no. Stop insisting or forget your idea for good.”
Jae sighed, dropping the hand he’d put on Brian’s shoulder.
“I don’t get how it would be so bad to just replace the blinds. An electric system would be way more practical, don’t you think? I’ve always wanted to have electric blinds.”
“It’s none of your business now, you can’t even touch them,” Brian asserted.
“Rude.”
Jae went to sit on the bed, dropping his head.
“Don’t pout. That’s not gonna change my mind.”
“I know. You’re mean,” Jae grumbled.
“You really are something. Anyway… Want me to grab something for you at the store?”
Jae looked up with hopeful eyes. “A guitar pick?”
“The one you have, different color?”
“Yes, please!”
“You have the red one, the blue one and the black one now. Are you going to collect every existing color?”
“I’m gonna make a guitar pick rainbow. Just to make my tiny shelf a bit flashier.”
“Your ‘tiny shelf’ is already small just like you said, and we can’t install another one, don’t overload it. I’m the one buying everything anyway, so I’ll decide when you’re asking too much.”
“Do not worry my friend, I’m not a freeloader.” He gave Brian a quick glance when he scoffed. “I mean. I don’t have a choice.”
“I had a dream the other day. There was an Unemployment office for ghosts, and they could all just go there and find a job to avoid living off humans who actually have to pay for their tuition, rent and everything, you know?”
“You’re the one buying me everything I ask for. Last I noticed, I don’t have mind-controlling powers – nor any other magical powers, for that matter – so that’s your fault for being so pliable.”
“I am not pliable. Just, too generous. If you think it’s a bad thing, then I’ll stop.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. What would I do without my Bribri to help me out, huh?” Jae said, eyes looking up wide and lower lip protruding to make himself look somewhat cute.
“Nothing. So now, you shut up and go put that thing away.” Brian watched as Jae dragged his feet to the bedroom. When did I ever ask for a twenty-something-year-old son?
He started to put the food in the fridge, but paused and hit his head when he realized he had forgotten something.
“Oh shit! I should’ve looked for a new crank handle!”
“What? A crank handle? Why?” Jae sprung out of the room, stopping right in front of Brian.
“Why do you always feel the need to run? We definitely can’t afford to replace the blinds right now, so replacing the handle is the best solution.”
“Then you can save even more money if you don’t buy one! You can just ask the maintenance guy to come by and see if it needs to be repaired. It’s free.”
“You know how slow they are. Better doing it myself.”
Jae rolled his eyes. “I said don’t. It’s a pain in the ass. Just let them do it for you.”
Brian stood up from his squatting position and crossed his arms, frowning at his roommate. “Why do you care so much? It’s just a freaking handle. I can do it, why should I bother waiting for days for someone to come?”
“Because it’s dangerous!” Jae exclaimed, furrowing his brows.
“What’s with you today? Do you really have to take it out on me? What did I do wrong exactly?”
Jae widened his eyes and flailed his hands, opening and closing his mouth a few times before letting out a sound.
“I– I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I mean, I know for a fact that this can be dangerous, so I just… panicked, I guess?”
Brian stayed quiet, observing Jae. He knew that for a fact? Was he being his usual drama queen self or was it something else? Brian was tired of having to decipher his unpredictable behavior.
“Do you have a specific reason to be saying that, Jae?” he asked warily.
“No. No,” Jae repeated, his eyes roaming around the room. “Of course not.”
“I don’t believe you. But I’m not going to insist since you’re not gonna tell me.”
Brian sighed and left the room, letting his roommate clear his head.
______________________________________
It was raining. Brian hadn’t taken his umbrella and neither had Dowoon. Which resulted in both students running like madmen under the soaking rain, hair and clothes dripping wet. Brian fished for his entry pass in his coat pocket and rushed inside as soon as he opened the door. They decided the stairs were too much of a hassle to climb with slipping shoes and cramped legs, and went for the elevator instead. They both felt chills creeping up their skin upon entering the shaft.
“Is it always this cold in here? I know we’re drenched and all but we might as well become snowmen with this temperature.”
“You should know, you’re the one living here,” Dowoon replied, stroking his arms in search of heat.
Brian shrugged. Elevators were a waste of time for someone like him who was always running around in a hurry.
He knocked on the apartment door to let Jae know that he was home and, thus, that he could stop whatever stupid thing he was doing – like belting out weird songs or dancing passionately in the middle of the living room.
To his surprise, the ghost was on the couch, knees brought to his chest and hand supporting his head. He was staring into space, not reacting to the boys’ arrival.
“Hey. You bored?”
“No…”
Brian shook his hand in front of Jae’s face to pull him from his trance, to which the other responded by leaning back slowly, almost wearily. Dowoon looked at the blurry silhouette he could make out on the couch and exchanged a quizzical glance with his friend.
“Tired? Wait, no, you don’t need to sl–”
“Yeah. A bit,” Jae cut in flatly, stopping Brian in his tracks.
Brian looked at him carefully and sat slowly beside him, shrugging and shaking his head for Dowoon, who seemed to grasp a few of Jae’s words here and there but was still at a loss.
“What do you mean?” he questioned gently. Something’s not right.
“Oh, that’s nothing. Nothing important. Nothing I should be mulling over.”
Brian wondered what could have happened. Jae was stuck in this flat all day, with his phone and books and occasionally Wonpil as a company, so what could have gone wrong?
“Do you want to talk about it?” he suggested softly.
Jae closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the sofa, ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t want to bother you with such a petty thing. You two look exhausted and you need a shower.”
“I don’t care about being wet right now. You’re not doing good, should I just pretend everything’s fine and have fun with Dowoon? I mean no offense Dowoonie, you get me.”
“He’s right, it’s okay if you two talk for a bit. I can just go take a shower so you can be alone,” Dowoon intervened with a small smile.
Jae’s eyes went back and forth between the two friends, and he finally relented.
“Alright, but you go change first. You kinda stink,” he said with a pinched smile. He paused before deliberately speaking louder and more clearly for the other boy to hear. “Thank you, Dowoonie.”
Dowoon, his hand on the bathroom handle, turned around with raised eyebrows and a happy smile and gave him an encouraging thumbs-up. “I can’t do much, but I hope you’ll be okay!”
Jae let out a small laugh. Brian looked at them fondly and went into the bedroom under Jae’s unrelenting stare. When he came out barely two minutes later, Jae was back into his hunched posture and had proceeded to bite his nails – could a ghost really bite their nails, though? Brian wondered for a second only, quickly coming back to the matter at hand.
He sat down next to his friend and gently put away his hand from his mouth. He searched his eyes and, when Jae finally complied to looking at him, he smiled.
“So, what is it that could possibly ruin our fireball’s mood?”
Jae sighed, tapping his feet on the floor. “It’s really nothing. Just… it’s September 15, right?”
“Um, yeah?” Brian didn’t quite understand what he was getting at, though he had a hunch. “Wait– is it the day of your d–”
“No! My birthday. It’s my birthday,” Jae interrupted hastily, a hand raised to stop Brian from finishing his sentence.
Brian exhaled in relief. “Oh. You were starting to scare me.”
“Told you it wasn’t important.”
“But it is important,” Brian countered.
He stared at Jae, catching his eye briefly before the other looked away and laughed dryly.
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It fucking does.” Brian waited a couple of seconds. “So what age are you now? You never told me.”
Jae bit his lip, his left eye twitching ever-so-slightly. “I was born in 1992.”
“So you’re twenty-six.”
“Well, technically, I’m twenty-one,” Jae stated gloomily.
Brian pondered and spoke up with hesitation.
“Five years ago?”
Jae nodded imperceptibly.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t.”
Brian raised his hand cautiously, rested it on Jae’s shoulder.
“You know what we’re gonna do?” He smiled warmly when he caught Jae’s attention. “We’re gonna celebrate it.”
His roommate opened his mouth, pinched his lips and sighed through his nose. “Don’t. I… I just want it to be a regular day, I only need to be distracted.”
“You sure about it?” Brian feigned to give in when Jae gave him a small, shy nod. “Alright. It’s up to you.”
Brian smiled at him. “Yep. And I just had a great idea. Come with me!” he told Dowoon while Jae looked at him in surprise, asking where they were going. “We’re just gonna fetch something from the cellar, you wait here.”
Jae shrugged, eyebrows knit together in confusion. Brian grabbed Dowoon’s arm and dragged him out of the flat.
“What’s this about?” he asked once they were in the corridor. Brian put a finger to his own lips, signaling him to stop talking, and he went silent.
They halted their quick pace once in the building’s hall. Dowoon raised an eyebrow, waiting for Brian to explain. When the latter was done revealing his plan, they exited the complex and walked to the nearest bakery. Coming out of the small shop with a big cake in hand, they returned to the building and took the elevator – Brian once again complaining about the ambient coldness. They stood before the apartment door, looking out for any sign that Jae had noticed their return.
Dowoon nodded and they swung the door open – Brian almost dropping the cake in haste – and shouted a cheerful ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’ before putting the cake on the coffee table, in front of the blond ghost gaping at them without any words coming out of his mouth.
“I– I– Why?”
“Is that a real question?”
Jae looked back and forth between the two of them, eyebrows excessively raised, and lowered his head all of a sudden. Brian exchanged a glance and a smile with his friend and approached his roommate, squatting in front of him.
“Once again, happy twenty-sixth birthday, Jae.” He patted his lap and peeked at his face from beneath. “Don’t hide or don’t cry.”
“It’s just that– I mean–” He interrupted his confused words, looked for something to say. “I won’t even be able to eat it.”
Brian shook his head in disapproval. “You could’ve found something wittier. We had this debate about birthday parties last time, don’t you remember? You told me your family used to buy you a cake just for symbolism, and you always let them eat it all.”
Jae sniffed, pouting to put up a front. “Listen, I’m trying to look unmoved here. Can’t you play along?”
Brian shot him a bright smile.
“Of course not.”
Dowoon retrieved a candle from the storage unit and lit it up with a match once planted in the chocolate cake.
“I have an idea!” he exclaimed abruptly, startling Jae who seemed deep in thought. He straddled toward the kitchen counter and took a small box with sugar-paste letters, then settling on the floor in front of the cake. “Remember how you bought those because you were too lazy to do the whole writing-with-frosting-and-pastry-bags thing? Being a sloth can actually prove useful.”
Brian rolled his eyes but proceeded to open the box and looked for the letters to spell out his friend’s name.
“How can there be a J but no E? How is it even possible to run out of Es? You’re called Brian,” Jae pointed out.
“Shut up. You’ll just have to be Ja. It’s a nice name too.”
“Hold up! We can do…” Dowoon paused, assembling an F with an I to form the lower line. “…this,” he finished, looking very proud of his find.
“Looks a little cheap,” Jae teased.
“You are cheap.”
Jae clutched his chest in a dramatic gesture while Dowoon looked at them in a mix of amusement and impatience.
“I want to blow the candle! Stop arguing!” he whined.
Both roommates sighed and complied while he went to turn the lights out. Brian counted to three for Dowoon to extinguish the candle with an excited grin.
______________________________
Jae returned to normal, just like nothing had happened.
At least, that’s what Brian thought.
The whole ‘I don’t want to ask a technician to repair the crank handle yeah but it’s dangerous to do it yourself’ deal was over for him, but when he brought it up again, Jae seemed instantly withdrawn and unwilling to restart this discussion. Brian decided to pry it out of him and settled on the bed in front of the ghost.
“So, tell me. If you explain exactly why you’re so opposed to me buying that thing myself, maybe I’ll reconsider calling someone to do it.”
“Do I really have to have a reason? It’s just risky, that’s all. You don’t need to hear a whole thesis from me to understand. It’s simple as that.”
“I strangely have a hard time believing you. Where was this speech about safety this one time I had to put the cupboard right up? All the dishes could’ve literally fallen on my head and you didn’t say a thing.”
Jae rubbed his face in what seemed to be exhaustion. He sighed and faced Brian. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
Brian observed him. He knew that expression. It was the exact same one he’d been wearing that day, when he refused to tell it was his birthday. Maybe it was a bit darker today.
“You’ll have to. I’m sorry to break it to you, but I’m not stupid. I’ve been able to see ghosts since I was a child, don’t you think I’ve heard more stories than I ever asked for? Do you think you’re the only one who has to deal with this?”
“Deal with what, exactly, Brian?” Jae said angrily, frowning hard.
“Stop playing dumb! Do you really want me to say it?” Brian replied frustratingly.
“Go! Say it! I don’t care!”
“Your death, Jae!”
Jae seemed to petrify for a good second, struck by the cruel taste of the word, by its realness. Then, without any warning, he broke down in tears.
Brian scurried to his side, hugging him tight, burying his head in Jae’s shoulder when he felt the other’s arms sneak around to reciprocate the embrace.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to say it like this, but it’s the reality. You have to accept it.”
Jae nodded, sniffling and breathing raggedly. He moved back slightly and took a tissue from the nightstand.
“I truly don’t want to pressure you. But it’s high time you told me your story, no?”
“It’s… hard to say.” Jae breathed deeply to control his voice. “It’s been years, I know. But being a ghost for five years does strange things to your brain. You lose all notion of time, your feelings become numb one day and they crush you the next, you don’t know whether you’re trapped into an endless emptiness or you are the one full of emptiness.”
Brian felt a tug in his heart. Never had he heard Jae talk so seriously; this was probably the first time he’d spoken so sincerely since they first met. He thought for a moment.
“Getting everything off your chest will make you feel infinitely better. To move forward, you have to reconcile with your past first. Or… be able to live with it,” he replied, sitting beside his friend and searching his eyes gently.
Jae huddled against Brian when he put his arm around the shivering ghost, sighing half-contentedly, half-sadly. “I know.”
He closed his eyes, stayed like this for a minute or two, Brian patiently waiting for him to make up his mind. He could see the conflict going in Jae’s head through his imperceptible but vivid facial expressions, his eyebrows repetitively furrowing in brief flashes and the left corner of his mouth twitching.
“Do you want me to tell you…?” he finally asked with hesitation and – Brian couldn’t not perceive that – a hint of fear.
“The most you can.”
Jae gave himself a light slap and took another deep breath in.
“Okay.” He fixed his eyes on Brian’s in forced determination. “First, it was five years ago.”
Brian didn’t mention the fact that he already knew that; he was well aware Jae needed to start with simple details before diving in.
“On May 26,” Jae specified. “I remember because it was the expiring date for my cereals and I had to buy another package, seeing I’d forgotten about that.”
He let out a little laugh, shaking his head.
“If I had finished my cereals before the expiring date, I’d probably still be here.” He seemed to realize what he’d just said, corrected himself. “I mean, as a living person. That’s stupid, huh? How a tiny detail can provoke a bigger event. Butterfly effect, right, that’s what they call it.”
Brace yourself, Brian. It’s not gonna be easy, and the pain you’re going to feel isn’t even half as crushing as the one he’s been living with for years.
“So… I went out, this morning. Since I didn’t have anything to eat for breakfast. I also had to… buy a few other things.”
He drifted his eyes again, muttering ‘that’s so ridiculous’, and compelled himself to look up again.
“Among others, a crank handle. For my blinds.”
Brian flinched. He didn’t want to think about all the scenarios involving a crank handle in this particular situation.
“I got out of the store, I walked to the complex. So far so good. Then I went to the elevator.” Brian felt something click in the back of his mind, though he couldn’t figure out what exactly. “I pressed the button and waited with my lil’ shopping trolley. It was really pretty, by the way. There were cool designs and ‘California’ was written all over it. Anyway, just before the elevator came, neighbors living on the same floor arrived – an aged couple, they were so nice! –, they arrived and the woman realized she’d forgotten something in the driver’s seat or whatever so she told her husband to go ahead. We entered the cage and…”
He sighed loudly. Brian pretended not to see the glossy glint his eyes had taken once again. He patted his back without a word, without letting Jae perceive the horrible feeling creeping into his heart. He could see the end of this – with more or less precision – and that wasn’t something he wanted to think about. But he didn’t have the right to show his weakness. Not when Jae was the one haunted by his past – very ironic, Brian realized, ghosts’ presence on earth always being referred to as haunting things; maybe people should reconsider their choice of words. He discarded the thought and focused back on his friend, giving him a warm smile and nodding slightly.
“We entered the cage. I was on one side of the lift and my neighbor on the other. We were talking and we were going to get out in a matter of seconds. But before the elevator could reach the fifth floor, we heard a loud bang – well, calling that a bang is kind of a euphemism – and all of a sudden, we fell.”
Brian closed his eyes for a split second. Jae lowered his head. Brian waited; he sensed that it wasn’t over, that it wasn’t as simple as that.
“You know how elevator incidents are very rarely fatal? Well, accidents technically are minor more often than not, but there was a variation this time. A stupid, truly stupid variation, almost ridiculous I’d say.” Jae smirked sarcastically. “I didn’t have time to think. The old man was falling, and he’d told me just days before that he had a weak back and that a mere fall could paralyze him or worse. I saw him stumble toward my trolley, and it was full of groceries and all that stuff. If he fell on it, he could die – no exaggeration. So I had to take a decision. It seemed like I was just going to save him at first, but then when I went between him and my trolley – everything happened so fast, it must’ve been like five or ten seconds, no more, but I remember everything in slow motion – I looked back real quick and saw that fucking handle sticking out. Well, that’s when I kinda guessed that I would, you know, suffer? But I decided to save him all the same, and it was too late anyway. I was aware I was gonna die, because, when that happens – I hope you’ll only get to understand that in the distant future – you just know. There’s this sense of danger, this feeling of dread you can’t do anything about. And then it happens.”
Brian let out a shaky breath. Gruesome and unwanted pictures formed and succeeded one another into his head and he felt like throwing up. It had been days only since a spirit told him the story of their death, but it had been months since a ghost he was attached to did it. That was the reason why he wasn’t happy when he first discovered Jae haunted the flat. He knew it would come to this. But now that Jae was his friend – would he dare call him his best friend? Maybe – he couldn’t be selfish and simply ignore him and let him suffer. He wanted and needed to hear this, no matter how horrible it was.
“So… that’s why. The electric blinds, I mean.”
Jae laughed dryly. “Yeah. That was too much, right? I know what happened to me was exceptional and there’s like one chance in ten million that something like this would happen again, and in the same building at that. But, well, dying isn’t something easy to swallow for everyone.”
“I’m sorry.” Brian scratched his head, a frown on his face. “The handle… was the cause, in the end.
Jae nodded. “Yep. I fell, caught the man, and before I could realize, my neck was hit by the bar on the wall – the one you generally use to lean on – and the handle half-stabbed me near the nape of my neck. There are lucky coincidences in life, you know? Well, this one wasn’t part of those. At least I died quite quickly. I mean, I remember suffering like hell for a few minutes, but then I fell unconscious and never woke up again. Well, not in this body.”
Brian knew there wasn’t much to say in such a moment. He had gone there a few times and experience had taught him ghosts weren’t convinced by made-up phrases like ‘you can start anew now’ or ‘it’s not so bad since your spirit’s not really dead’. He simply decided to be straightforward and ask down-to-earth questions. Even though Jae hadn’t been particularly eager to talk about his death at first, Brian knew that he was aware of his situation and that he saw things realistically. Jae wasn’t one to lose himself in hopeless illusions and dreams – only when it came to things like asking Brian for ghost-friendly potato chips, snacks and the likes, thinking he would agree to spend all his money on him.
“What happened after that? When – or how – did you wake up as a spirit?”
“That’s a very good question, Brian. I only remember finding myself in the elevator, but it wasn’t right after, police officers were already there along with technicians to examine the lift and report on the accident. My body was already gone so I didn’t see it – luckily, because I think I would’ve puked right away. I also remember standing there for a good minute, wondering what was going on, and then everything came to me like a flash. It hurt so much that I had to sit on the floor – which was covered in little splats of blood, so nice – and hold my head waiting for the pain to vanish. I looked into the mirror, didn’t see myself, panicked, looked at my own body, saw it was a tiny bit more transparent than it should have been, panicked again. The fact that I, a fervent skeptic of supernatural events, could become a ghost? It was unbelievable to me. I think that shocked me more than me actually dying. I knew ghosts existed, it’s been proved scientifically after all, but I sort of ignored that since I couldn’t see them. Why would I become one? After processing that fact, I had no choice but to accept it. So I simply got out of the elevator and walked up the stairs to my flat – I even tried to open the doors at first, like a dumbass, then I discovered I could just go through them. I had to admit it was kinda funny, and mostly very practical. Even though it feels really weird to cross a door.”
Brian was honestly at a loss for words. He had imagined Jae feeling down long after his storytelling, but the speed it had taken him to recover his sarcastic and joking tone was baffling. Of all the ghosts he’d encountered, Jae was the first one to talk about his after-death so casually. It looked like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Brian felt appeased; he was right after all, talking could help healing.
“You’re right but like, it also has the disadvantage of preventing you from touching anything. That’s not really what I call practical.”
“Shut up, you ghost-xenophobic human.”
Brian rolled his eyes, nevertheless relieved that Jae was being all annoying again.
“Since I’m so ‘ghost-xenophobic’, I’m gonna move outta this place right now. I’ll leave you a dictionary as a farewell present, though, since your English skills seem to be lacking.” He finished his sentence sitting up and pretending to leave, only turning to be welcomed by his roommate charmingly flipping him off.
(Later in the night, as he struggled to drift off to sleep, Brian realized what had tickled his mind during Jae’s story time; he remembered the expression ‘cold spot’ and immediately understood why it was always so cold in the elevator. He then decided he’d never use the lift again.)
______________________________
“I know I look naïve and all, but I can still tell something’s up with you two. Brian, I don’t need to see Jae to notice the looks you’re sending him,” he said, suspicion apparent on his face.
“Whoops.”
“This conversation was supposed to happen later,” Brian added, sighing.
“What conversation?” Wonpil asked, a frown creasing his forehead.
Jae stopped Brian from talking with a hand gesture, took out his phone and recorded a vocal text. He gave it to Wonpil who, upon listening to it, widened his eyes.
“You’re going to tell me how you died? – Oh my god, that’s a horrible thing to say – Why so suddenly?”
“We had a talk the other day. He told me he wanted to tell you, too.”
Wonpil massaged his temples, trying to calm down. “I’m not prepared for this.”
“Don’t worry, I’m gonna add spice to it, make it lil’ bit funnier, you know?” Jae replied through another audio file – getting a sigh as an answer.
“This is crap! This place is crap! Brian, you should move out of here before anything happens to you too! What the hell!” Wonpil cried out, once he too knew the story.
“First, if he moves out, I’m gonna be alone again and die a second time because of the sadness,” Jae stated, his voice reaching Wonpil thanks to the phone call they’d initiated – much simpler than recording the whole thing and having his boyfriend listen to it. “Second, I managed to understand that they replaced the elevator with a much more secure one.”
“How did you even get that info?” Wonpil asked doubtingly.
“Uh, I… walked around the building, eavesdropped on the neighbors and saw the technicians’ work?”
“Were you not supposed to be stuck inside that apartment?” Wonpil said sternly.
“You got it there. ‘Supposed’ is the keyword,” Jae replied with a guilty smile, although his boyfriend couldn’t see it.
Brian watched in confusion as Wonpil got up and blindly hit the couch Jae was on with his jacket.
“So where were you when I was struggling with all the shopping bags I’d brought especially for you that one time? Huh?” he punctuated with each whack, scarily pleased by the strangled noises Jae was emitting.
“I didn’t know! I swear!” He pretended not to see Brian’s skeptic stare and tried the cute card. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have left my boyfriend breaking his back for me, you should know that…”
Wonpil stopped in his frenzy, opened his mouth, stuck out his lower lip in doubt and immediately resumed hitting the couch as soon as he saw Brian’s rolling eyes.
“You’re not gonna get to me and you’re deprived of hugs for today!”
“You can’t even feel my body anyway,” Jae muttered, sulking.
“What did you say?” Wonpil screeched. “Okay, then hugs are forbidden for the week!”
Jae gaped at his lover, outraged than Wonpil himself, the master of skinship and clinginess, would dare to punish him that way. He promptly got on his knees, his hands ridiculously joined in front of his face, and sent Brian a series of gestures to make him describe his position to Wonpil. Brian sighed but complied all the same.
“He’s currently begging you on his knees to, like, forgive him, I guess.”
“Save this position for when we’ll be alone in a bedroom and able to touch each other, you little shit.”
Brian burst out laughing at Jae’s shocked face and Wonpil’s expression, morphing from indignation to horror when he realized what he had just said.
“I’ve never felt so betrayed,” Jae lamented theatrically, although he was as red as a ghost could be.
“I’m sorry! I– I don’t know what got into me! Sorry, Brian!”
“Don’t apologize,” he assured, hilarity crinkling his eyes. “Didn’t know you were a sub, Jae. Who would have thought Kim Wonpil would dominate the fierce, untameable Park Jaehyung?”
“Shut the frick up,” Jae riposted, the red shade becoming more vivid than Brian thought it could have ever been.
Meanwhile, Wonpil was squatting on the floor, head hidden in his hands, trying to externalize his embarrassment. Brian laughed at them again, thought of how good blackmail material it was.
“Y’all really are a mess.”
______________________________
“Jae, I told you to clean up. Nicely, once, twice, but this is the last time or I’m kicking you out.”
“But what’s the use? You’re all gonna get drunk in the living room while I’ll be watching from the sidelines. I might as well spend the night alone, in my room (he ignored Brian’s “it’s my room”) and in my mess,” Jae protested childishly.
“We are not going to get drunk. I don’t drink nor do they, so get in that bedroom and clean.”
“Fine, dad. But let me at least put my Pokémon figurines on the nightstand.”
Brian gave him a forced smile, contrasting with the look in his eyes meaning something more along the lines of ‘if you don’t hurry, I’ll bring you to hell with me’.
Fortunately, Brian wouldn’t have to bring anyone to hell, as Jae came out of the bedroom looking proud of himself, and rightly so: there was absolutely nothing left on the floor nor on the bed. Brian had to admit he was almost impressed; this was a prowess for Jae, after all. All these years without needing to do the cleaning – what was the point, when the living people occupying the place did it themselves? – had significantly reduced his ability (and motivation) for house chores.
“What about your figurines?”
“Will put ‘em after they’re gone. They’re gonna judge me if they see them.”
“Are we thinking of the same people? Because all three of them are like, as puerile as could be. They’ll love them. Too bad they can’t see you, they would’ve worshipped your Piplup tee-shirt.”
“Alright, tell them not to touch any of them, then! Or they’ll catch these hands.”
“Your invisible hands?”
Jae gave him the middle finger.
“Hello, I’m Sungjin! Brian’s old friend,” Sungjin said when Wonpil and Dowoon arrived, a few minutes after him.
“Hi! I’m Dowoon. I’m in the same student club as these two,” Dowoon exclaimed cheerfully, despite his red ears – he was a ‘very shy boy’, as he’d told Brian when they had met.
Sungjin smiled warmly. “I’ve heard a lot about all of you. Including Jae, who I’ve kind of already met, right?”
“Yup Bob,” Jae replied, although his words got lost in thin air and never reached Sungjin.
“Anyway,” Brian intervened, cutting Jae off before he could say any other stupid thing. “Sit there, I’ll just put a pillow on the floor for me.”
“As expected, you’re still as considerate as ever,” Sungjin commented affectionately.
“When will you reveal your true self, Brian? He’s obviously been living in a lie all his life. Poor man.”
Brian turned to Jae, contemplating jumping on him and knocking him out for the evening, but he decided it may not be the best idea – both for the success of the evening and for the sake of their relationship.
“I’ll also throw away those figurines while I’m at it,” he said casually, heading toward the bedroom. “Don’t know whose they are, but they’re for sure gonna belong to the trashcan from now.”
“You’re a real fucker,” Jae stated while jumping from his seat on the couch to stop Brian.
“Says the one whose boyfriend wants him on his knees.”
Wonpil raised his head, speechless and mouth gaping, unknowingly mirroring Jae’s expression.
“You DARED. I’m actually gonna kill you.”
“I trusted you, Brian,” Wonpil whined, hitting his head on the back of the couch.
“That’s… interesting,” Sungjin commented.
“And here I thought we told each other everything,” Dowoon added, pretendedly offended.
“I hate your friends.”
Brian wriggled his eyebrows. “But you hate me the most, right?”
“Wow, such a clever deduction. Go choke.”
“You are so bad at Mario Kart! How is that even possible?” Sungjin exclaimed as Jae put his controller down in defeat.
“I didn’t come here to be disrespected,” he told Brian.
“He’s got a point, though. But no big deal, it’s funny,” Brian laughed. He stood up and turned to the other three. “How about a break? What do you want to drink?”
“Iced tea,” Wonpil and Sungjin replied in unison.
“Cola,” Dowoon said.
Jae pouted. “They’re no fun.”
“Not everyone likes to get wasted and puke until dawn.”
Jae pulled a face and took his game controller again. “Whatever. I’m gonna practice while y’all are having the time of your life around your grandpa drinks.”
Brian fetched four cans from the mini-fridge and sat back with his friends. He looked around, pleased with everyone’s festive mood. He was somewhat worried Sungjin’s and his other friends’ personalities wouldn’t click, but his concerns turned out useless; the three of them were like long-time buddies already, making bad jokes and fighting over video games.
Beside them all, he noticed Jae’s faint smile as he observed the scene. They met eyes and Jae surprisingly sent him a genuine grin. Brian felt his heart warm up and reciprocated the smile fondly.
“Hey! I just thought of something!” Sungjin announced, interrupting Brian’s train of thoughts. “I saw something in a store the other day and bought it instantly because I knew I was coming here. It should be in my bag.”
He sat up, walked to his backpack and emptied it of its contents on the floor – just a bunch of snacks, a phone charger and a notebook – until he dragged out the object.
“It’s a recorder, it transmits the sound of your voice live.” He noticed the skeptic stares directed at him. “Let me finish… It’s extrasensory, or whatever you call it. Which means it’s perfect for Jae! He can communicate with us and Brian won’t have to play interpreter.”
“Oh god Sungjin, you’re awesome,” Brian said with admiration. “It must’ve cost an arm and a leg and you’re not even really familiar with Jae but you still did that.”
Jae laughed slightly and shook his head. “You two are really the purest people ever.” He paused, thought for a second and corrected. “After Wonpil, of course.”
Brian chuckled and pinched his cheeks jokingly. “You wouldn’t dare to say that if he could hear, huh?” he whispered.
Jae stuck out his tongue sheepishly. “Of course not.”
Sungjin startled them both when he practically slammed the recorder on the coffee table they were all sitting around.
“Shut up and try it.”
Jae and Brian looked at each other.
“I take back what I said earlier. He’s a scary man.”
Brian nodded, approving silently. Sungjin pushed on a button and asked Jae to talk.
“I hate pineapple on pizza and people who disagree with me deserve to burn in hell.”
“Is this–” Wonpil started.
“–all you had to say?” Sungjin finished.
“He’s right, though,” Dowoon intervened. “I feel sad when people tell me they like it, because, how can they be so in the wrong?”
“I have to agree on this one,” Brian added.
Sungjin sighed, Wonpil shook his head, Dowoon nodded fiercely and Jae shrugged to show it was an obvious statement.
“I knew this purchase was a mistake.”
“No but for real, I’m not that bad!” Jae insisted.
Brian snorted, followed by Wonpil. “My hearing has been seriously damaged since you started playing again, that’s what you call ‘not bad’?”
Jae scrunched his nose to imitate Brian’s mocking face and rolled his eyes. “I’d like to see you trying to play an instrument after a five-year break, asshole.”
“I want to hear you play!” Dowoon exclaimed, earning himself a wide stare from Jae.
“Uh– do I really have to? I mean, they’re right, I’m kinda bad…” he replied cautiously, all ounce of confidence gone.
Wonpil sighed exasperatedly. “We’re kidding, Jae. You’re actually really good for someone who hasn’t practiced in years.”
“You should have some confidence, mister I-always-brag-about-myself-but-really-am-a-coward,” Brian added, smiling. “Go take that guitar and show ‘em.”
Jae relented, although with hesitation. A minute later, he was picking up one of his plectrums from his flashy collection and readying himself, slightly burdened by the four pairs of eyes fixed on him. He finally put his fingers on the strings when Brian gave him an encouraging nod.
“Hey, he’s got skills,” Sungjin whispered to Brian.
“Hey, he’s got skills,” Sungjin whispered to Brian.
“Of course he does. He’s just too insecure.”
Once Jae was finished, he looked up apprehensively, only to be met by smiles.
“Are you giving me those smiles to make fun of me or to sympathize with me because I’m pitiful?”
“Cut it out, Jae,” Wonpil whined. “That’s what we call ‘being impressed’, will you stop putting yourself down?”
“I mean, you’re nearly as good as me – no bragging intended, of course – who’s been playing guitar for eight years,” Sungjin assured.
Jae opened his mouth, unsure of what to say. He should be used to receiving compliments, with me trying to encourage him as much as I can. When will he realize he’s as good as anyone here? Brian wondered.
“Thank you, then…”
“Hey! You know what?” Dowoon said out of nowhere, startling everyone. “We could do something. You and Sungjin play the guitar, Brian does too but he also knows the bass, Wonpil has a synthesizer and I occasionally play drums. What’s the most obvious thing we could do in that case?”
They all looked at each other, Dowoon’s words making the same thing click in each of their minds at the same time.
“That’s right!” Dowoon continuedly excitedly without waiting for a response. “We should totally do one of those cliché ‘we’re a group of friends who love music so we’re gonna start up a band’ things! Is it the idea of the century or is it not?”
Brian laughed and did a high-five with his thrilled friend. “You’re a genius. How come we never thought of that?”
Wonpil jumped up enthusiastically and hugged Dowoon who quickly moved away, though with a lighthearted chuckle. “Plus we’re probably gonna be the first band with a ghost member! You’ll be a legend, Jae!” Wonpil said with a big, square grin.
Brian looked at Jae, Jae looked at Brian, and their smiles widened. A band. One of those things you always saw in movies, a secret dream of theirs that had now the opportunity to happen.
“Hell yeah!” Jae shouted, throwing his fist in the air and performing a strange octopus dance to express his happiness.
Brian looked at them all, met Sungjin’s warm and shining eyes and decided that it was by far the best idea they could have ever thought of. He nodded, eyes crinkled and nose scrunched up in excitement. “Let’s do this,” he simply said. He thought his expression was enough of a sign that he was definitely in.
The words of all five boys got lost in the prevailing enthusiasm and no one could really make out what was being said. The atmosphere got confused until Jae managed to catch Brian’s eyes. He looked at him with affection – a look Brian hadn’t seen on him yet, a look that filled his heart with endearment and happiness and gratitude for whatever had made it possible for them to meet – and mouthed two simple and distinct words: “thank you.”