Chapter Text
Gabriel, who had been put back together almost a year ago by his father, sighed as he watched, invisibly, as his youngest brother just sat there, yet again, staring at Dean Winchester while his back was turned. There had been so many personal space invasions, staring contests that could put a statue to shame, and casual flirtings that it drove him nuts. He’d been watching Cas for months since coming back to America and if Cas didn’t tell Dean that he was in love with him soon, Gabe was going to lose it. It had been several thousand years since he'd seen his brother truly happy and it made his heart ache.
He knew Dean was bi and he believed the reason Dean didn’t let himself act on his feelings was because Cas was male and Dean was hell-bent on making sure everything he did was manly. Being bi was not manly to Dean and so he shoved any feelings for Cas to the back of his mind.
Gabe suddenly got an idea and the more he thought about it the more the impish smile on his face grew. He snapped his fingers and leaned back against the wall of the motel room to watch. If this didn’t get those two idiots together, nothing would.
Dean knew Cas was there but hadn’t said anything because he was busy scanning the net for clues on their current job. He could damn near feel Cas’ eyes boring into the back of his head though and it was bugging the hell out of him. “Cas, you gonna stand there all day or help me out...here?” he trailed off as he turned around to look at his friend.
Dean’s voice escaped him. All he could do was stare at the person behind him. Wearing Cas’ coat, tie, and pants was...a woman. Even weirder, was that her features were still similar to Cas’. Dean tried not to look at the C-cup chest but was failing miserably. Finally, he looked into her eyes and the expression there was just.... There was no way it wasn’t Cas. “C...Cas?” he sputtered with wide eyes.
Cas frowned at Dean in confusion and cocked his head to one side. “Dean, what’s wrong...?” His demeanor changed to one of confusion because the voice that had just passed his lips was different. “Dean,” he swallowed nervously. Yes, that voice, although still deep, was most definitely not male. “I sound...female.”
“That ain’t all, Cas,” Dean answered stiffly. “You might wanna look in a mirror.”
Dread grew in Cas’ chest as he hurried over to the large mirror that hung on the wall of the motel room. His face was similar to how it normally looked but the features were softened. He basically looked like a female version of himself, or at least, a female version of his vessel. His hair was almost the same. It was still dark brunette and short but it now fell in wispy layers that ended just below his ears. He looked down at the breasts that had sprouted from his chest and squeezed them as if making sure they were real.
Dean, while watching Cas handle his boobs, tensed when he felt his nether regions betray him. He felt a surge of panic when Cas started unzipping his pants to see what was going on down south. He jumped up and pulled on the angel’s arm. “Whoah, Cas! I think it’s pretty clear you’re a chick.”
Cas sighed in frustration. “But I’m a male angel,” he complained.
Dean was confused. “So? Raphael wasn’t exactly shy about wearin’ a female meat suit.”
“I know. And a lot of angels don’t care, but I’ve never liked having an opposite gender vessel. I did it, once, and hated it.”
“Any idea how this happened?” Dean asked while trying desperately not to look Cas in the eyes, lest his own eyes give away how attracted he was to the angel’s new body.
The door to the room opened and Sam walked in with bags from Wendy’s. When he noticed Dean was with a woman he suddenly looked uncomfortable. “Geeze, Dean. Tell me when you’re takin’ a girl back to the room!” he complained. “And why the hell is she dressed up like Cas?
Dean sighed. “It’s not what you think, Sammy.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Right. When is you, alone, with a woman ever not what I think?”
Dean clenched his jaw. “When the girl is Cas.”
Sam laughed. “Yeah, right.” He turned to Cas. “How much did he pay you to wear our friend’s clothes?”
Cas folded his arms and pursed his lips in annoyance. “I don’t find this amusing, Sam.”
Sam’s expression began to slowly morph into reluctant realization.
“You’re usually far more levelheaded.”
Sam’s eyes widened and his jaw completed its journey to the floor. “Cas?”
“I believe we just covered that,” Cas said impatiently.
“But...but how?”
“No clue,” Dean replied. “I turned around and suddenly Cas is a chick.”
Cas shot Dean a glare.
Dean put up his hands in surrender. “Sorry. Dude in a chick vessel.”
Cas suddenly squinted at the floor near the opposite wall. He walked over to it, bent down and seemed to pick something up but the others saw nothing except for the irritated scowl he wore when he stood up. “Gabriel!” he said sharply.
The air by the wall to Cas’ left rippled slightly and Gabe suddenly stood there, his mouth twisted sideways in a bemused smile. “I was hoping it’d take you a little longer to figure it out. Stupid molting,” he said with a backward glance at his invisible wings.
Dean realized at that moment the invisible object Cas had picked up was a feather. It brought him back to the day when Gabe had shown up in the bunker to let Cas know their father had come back just long enough to reform Gabe. Cas had been so happy his brother was alive but after that, they hadn't seen the archangel for months and so Dean was annoyed with him on two fronts.
“What the hell, Gabe? I thought you were done messin’ with us?” Dean said irritably. He would mark this as the twenty-sixth time he’d wanted to punch the archangel dead in the face.
“This time I’m not messin’ with ya.” Gabe turned to Cas. “This is a gift, little brother.”
Cas simply glared at Gabe. “In what way is humiliating me a gift? Admit it; This is fun for you.”
“It isn’t....” Gabe paused for a breath as though he were considering his answer, “okay, it’s a little bit fun,” he admitted. “But trust me, kiddo. If this ends the way I hope it will you’ll be thanking me,” he said with a wink. “Now, I gotta go. Dad put me in charge till he gets back from his vacation with aunt Amara and I’ve been playing hooky for a week now,” he said with a chuckle. He then vanished, leaving behind a confused and irritated Cas.
“Well, at least we know what happened,” Sam offered.
Dean put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “He’s just bein’ a dick, Cas. He’ll change you back when he gets bored.”
Cas looked at his best friend. “Thank you,” he said, holding Dean's gaze a bit too long.
It was at that moment, seeing the scene in front of him, that the reason for Gabe’s gift hit Sam like a bolt of lightning. He’d watched his brother and his friend have eye sex for years and he knew Dean was bi. After Dean had acted like a lovesick teenager when he thought he’d met Doctor Sexy how could Sam not know?
He also knew Dean had a thing for Cas although it was just attraction and lust in the beginning. It didn’t become love on Dean’s part until after Cas had reappeared with amnesia.
Cas was a different story. Sam believed the angel had fallen for Dean sometime after Lucifer had been set free the first time.
Watching them avoid their feelings was so painful that Sam was suddenly very grateful to Gabe. The archangel’s method was extremely unorthodox but Sam didn’t care as long as Dean and Cas were happy as a result. “I just realized we forgot to question some of the witnesses. I’ll be back in an hour or so.” He walked out the door before anyone could stop him.
“You haven’t even eaten your food,” Dean called after his brother.
“That was odd,” Cas said, frowning in thought. He went to fold his arms across his chest and his mouth twisted sideways in annoyance when he couldn’t find a comfortable position for his arms over his boobs. “These breasts are annoying,” he grumbled.
Dean shifted his weight in emotional discomfort. He’d never admit it out loud but he’d always been attracted to Cas. He had managed to put his feelings aside because Cas was male but now that Cas was in a female vessel it was extremely difficult. It wasn't that he found the female form more attractive it was just that his attraction flowed more freely because it was the form he was most comfortable pursuing. “Yeah,” he said with a quick throat clear. “Well, let’s get back to work on the case.” He sat down at the small table.
Cas nodded. “Alright.” He grabbed a chair, set it right next to Dean, and sat down.
Dean’s breath hitched in his throat when Cas leaned in close so he could see the laptop screen. Dean couldn’t help himself; his gaze went straight to the angel’s lips. A battle of wills erupted between his brain and his dick. His dick kept saying hot chick but his brain screamed CAS! Thankfully he had his old excuse to fall back on. “Cas, personal space,” he managed to choke out once he’d found his voice.
Cas frowned a bit. Over the years he’d grown accustomed to Dean thwarting his attempts to get physically close to the man he loved but he thought maybe now that his vessel was female Dean might not be so bothered by it. He was saddened to find that assumption was incorrect but he responded with his usual “My apologies” anyway and scooted his chair over a bit.
Now that Dean could concentrate, at least a little, on the research he turned back to the screen.
“What about this?” Cas said about thirty minutes later as he pointed at the screen.
Dean clenched his jaw in thought, then sighed. “No, it’s not a strix. The victims weren’t eaten.”
“Hmm. A thunderbird, perhaps?”
Dean turned to Cas. “I thought those were extinct.”
Cas shook his head. “No, but they are much smaller than they used to be. They were hunted so much that only the smallest ones survived. Their wingspan is still impressive though. Eighteen feet last I heard.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay Steve Irwin.” He cocked his head to one side and studied Cas for a moment. “Hm. Makes me wonder about your wingspan.”
Cas blinked his eyes in surprise. Dean had never even mentioned his wings before then. “My wings?” He frowned and looked down and off to one side.
Dean could’ve sworn he saw shame in Cas’ eyes. “Somethin’ wrong, man?”
Cas looked up. “No. I was just calculating how large they are when I’m in my vessel,” he lied. In an effort to make his lie look valid he stood and looked over his shoulder. “They’re roughly twenty feet across.”
Dean let out a long low whistle. “Damn.” He paused for a brief moment. “Hey, can I see ‘em?”
Cas suddenly looked very uncomfortable. “I’d rather not. Because I only got part of my grace back they’ve been very slow to heal. They’re not...they’re not very pleasant to look at yet.”
The look of abject humiliation on Cas’ face was heartbreaking. Dean had seen the angel upset, even sad, but this was different. It was like Cas was disgusted with himself.
Dean stood. He wasn’t sure if it was because Cas looked female or if he just felt particularly mushy that day but he suddenly felt the need to give his friend a hug. “It’s okay. You don’t hafta show me if you don’t wanna.” He broke the hug and saw Cas giving him a strange look. “What?”
“Dean, are you feeling alright?”
“What do ya mean?”
“I’ve seen you give hugs in greeting, but never in comfort.” His expression morphed from confusion to realization and then annoyance. He blew out a puff of air through his nose. “Just because I’m in a female vessel does not mean I’ve become delicate!” he said sharply.
Dean frowned. “I didn’t mean it that way, man. And I know women ain’t weak, I just....” He rubbed the back of his head. “Aw hell, I dunno what I was thinking. Sorry.”
Cas’ expression softened. “Apology accepted.” He sighed when he saw Dean still looked concerned. “An angel who can’t heal their own wings is the subject of pity. I’m a warrior and for my wings to be in such a state is embarrassing,” he explained.
“Hmm. Yeah, I can see that. Kinda like a knight showing up to a fight in rusty armor.”
“A somewhat crude analogy but yes. At any rate, we should get back to the case.”
Dean stretched. “I need a break. Let’s watch somethin’,” he said as he sat down and opened Netflix on the laptop.
Three questions flew through Cas’ brain as he sat on the chair next to Dean. Should he risk scooting his chair closer to Dean’s again? Did Dean find his vessel’s new look attractive? Did Dean really only think of him as a brother? Unfortunately, none of these made it past his lips and instead he asked, “What’s The Walking Dead?”
Dean smiled. “It’s a zombie apocalypse show.” He’d always wanted to take on a zombie case but as far as he knew there had never been a classic zombie attack (For him, Bobby’s wife didn’t count) in recorded history.
“I’ll never understand why you enjoy watching the same carnage you deal with in real life,” Cas said as he inched his chair closer to Dean’s as covertly as possible.
Dean put up an index finger. “Ah ha, but it isn’t the same. It’s zombies,” he said with an impish grin.
Cas sighed but smiled fondly anyway. About nine minutes into the show he’d successfully moved his chair close enough so his and Dean’s shoulders were only six inches apart but It wasn’t enough for the angel. He made sure Dean’s eyes were fixated on the screen and then slide his chair sideways again. Unfortunately, he pushed a little too hard and his shoulder bumped into Dean’s.
The instant Dean felt Cas’ shoulder touch him his body tensed and he froze. “C-cas...you’re way too close. Move,” he said stiffly.
“But I can’t see the show,” Cas complained as an excuse.
Dean was a powder keg of emotion. Sadness, fear, self-loathing, yearning and panic all together made an explosive just waiting for a match.
“Dean, are you alright?” Cas asked as he placed a concerned hand on Dean’s shoulder.
And there was the match....
“I SAID MOVE!” Dean yelled as he shoved Cas so hard that he fell off the chair.
Cas looked up at Dean from the floor, his expression a mix of confusion, concern, and pain.
“Cas,” Dean began in a shaky voice, “I...I’m sorry.”
“What did I do?” Cas asked as he sat up.
Hearing Cas ask that cut like a knife. Dammit. Now he thinks he’s responsible for my shit. Dean shook his head. “Nothin’. It’s all me, man. It’s all me.”
Cas stood. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s personal.” Dean sighed. “I need some air.” And with that, he began to head for the door.
Cas had no idea what Dean’s problem was but there was no way he was letting him walk out of that room without the explanation he deserved after being shoved to the floor. He lunged forward and grabbed Dean by the wrist. “Dean. Talk to me.”
Dean turned to Cas, the gears in his mind spinning like an out of control merry-go-round. In the end, he decided to bite the bullet. “I can’t be around you while you look like that.”
Cas looked down at himself, then back at Dean. “The breasts are too distracting?”
Dean closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “Yeah.”
Cas moved closer. “What if I’m stuck like this?”
“Gabe said you won’t be.”
Silence.
Cas was tired of ignoring his feelings and now that he was in a female vessel he knew he wouldn’t be disrespecting Dean’s sexual preferences. “Would it be so bad?” he asked carefully, moving his face closer to Dean’s.
Dean’s eyes widened and his heart rate sped up. “Cas...you’re….” he said hoarsely.
“I know. I’m too close.” Cas moved his face closer by just an inch and set his jaw. “And I don’t care,” and with that, he leaned in quickly and touched his lips to Dean’s.
Dean froze. For years, he hadn’t dared believe this was possible. He let himself enjoy the feeling of completion and contentment for just a moment before he gently pushed the angel back. “Cas...don’t,” he said sadly.
Cas’ expression became downcast. “I see. Even with a female vessel, my gender is a problem.”
Dean put a curled finger under Cas’ chin. “That ain’t it at all.” He sighed. “I don’t advertise it, but I’m bi.”
“Then you really do think of me as a brother,” Cas said in defeat. He was thinking of when he and Dean were in the Impala just before Dean had volunteered to be a living bomb to kill Amara. When Dean had told him he was Dean and Sam’s brother Cas had felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Back then he’d thought Dean was straight so he knew he had no chance to be with him but hearing that still hurt.
Dean shook his head. “No, but I couldn’t say how I really felt and that was the next best thing.”
Cas swallowed hard. “How do you really feel?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Dean replied sadly.
Cas frowned. “It matters to me.”
“It doesn’t matter because I’m no good for you.”
Cas felt a fire enter him at that moment. He was barely able to stop himself from slapping Dean. “I’ve been putting my feelings for you aside because I wanted to respect yours and all this time you let me think you were straight because you didn’t think you deserve me??” he said irritably.
Dean sighed. “I’m sorry, Cas.”
“Well, I’m not going to let your irrational self-hatred stop me anymore. I love you, Dean. More than my own life.”
Dean’s eyes widened and after a moment a single tear made its way down his face. “Cas...I...I love you too. More than I thought possible. But after all the things I’ve done…I….”
Cas closed his eyes as he took a calming breath. “What about the things I’ve done? I’ve often wondered if I was good enough for you.”
Dean’s heart ached at hearing that. He knew Cas had questioned his self-worth many times over the course of their friendship, and each time Dean had had to convince him otherwise.
“We’ve both had terrible things happen to people we care about because we were trying to do something good and it backfired. What makes you think you’re so different?”
“I…I guess we’re both broken, huh?” Dean said as he stepped forward with a small smile. He gently stroked Cas’ cheek lovingly for a moment and kissed him.
Their lips moved slowly as they relished in the feeling of discovering each other’s mouths. Cas moaned and...it sounded male. They both broke the kiss and moved backwards. Dean grinned when he saw Cas was back to normal.
“Congratulations, little brother,” came Gabe’s voice from the couple’s right.
Dean and Cas turned to see Gabe on the T.V.