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It was snowing outside and everything seemed so gloomy. Doyoung watched the way the snow was falling so gracefully and he could still hear Taeyong scolding Yuta in the kitchen. Their voices were loud, but he had gotten used to it over the years. He didn't exactly know what they were even fighting about.
He had always loved the winter only because Christmas was just around the corner. Only less than a month away. He sighed, focusing his eyes on the falling snowflakes.
After a few minutes, Taeyong walked in the living room, sporting an upset look. Something was up.
“Are you here to tell me that Sicheng is stuck at the airport?”
Shaking his head, Taeyong said, “No, Jaehyun just picked him up, but they got stuck on the way back.”
Doyoung looked at Yuta, who was talking to someone on the phone. “What do we do?”
“The only thing we can do is wait for the snow to clear up. We can’t do anything right now.” Taeyong looked weirdly....flustered. “I shouldn’t have let him pick Sicheng up.”
“Hey, I offered to pick him, but since you wanted to see Jaehyun so bad, you had the guy pick Sicheng up just to come here. Oh my god Tae,” Yuta yelled from his the kitchen, pissed off. “Stop fuckin being so annoying.”
“It’s not that okay. You already know how I feel about him so shut up.”
Yuta was obviously irritated when he ended up the phone call. “You know what? I’m done. I have to go out there.” He grabbed his coat and put on his boots. Doyoung watched the way Yuta stomped out of his house, or more like, their house. Yuta has been dating Sicheng since high school days and would do anything for him, but Sicheng would never take the time of day for him. They’re in love, but SiCheng lived a double life with fame and money. There were also so many things to say about Yuta; with all that in mind, Yuta was brave enough to really take actions.
“What are you doing Doyoung? Stop him! He’s your cousin for god sake!”
“He’ll be fine,” Doyoung said, eyes following Yuta’s footsteps out the door.
“Over my dead body,” Taeyong looked at him in disbelief before running after Yuta out the door. “Come back here! You will die out there!”
Doyoung watched them from the windowsill. Taeyong was blocking the car and Yuta was telling him to get the fuck out. Sometimes, Doyoung wonders if the two will ever get along.
After 3 hours of being stuck inside the house, Yuta finally returned with Jaehyun and Sicheng trailing behind him. The only thing on Doyoung’s mind was how much Sicheng had grown. He seemed manlier, fresh and young. Like he came straight out of a Chinese novel. Yuta took off Sicheng’s scarf and offered him food and something warm to drink. They haven’t seen Sicheng in over a year and that was telling something.
Sicheng was an actor in China and he even had his own variety show. Doyoung would never admit it, but he was beyond jealous. Sicheng had the life that he could only dream of. Sicheng was the lucky one out of the group and he could only wish to have something he can’t have.
Sicheng sat down next to him and gave him a tight hug. “It’s great to see you again Doyoung. Still got that bunny smile.”
Doyoung just smiled and hugged him back. “I missed you so much.”
“Of course. Me too.” Sicheng patted his cheek before walking over to Taeyong who was chatting with Jaehyun. Or he would say, flirting.
Doyoung sat back down on his couch, looking out the window. He could hear them talking about how Jaehyun’s car got towed away and that Yuta would have to drive him to get his car back. They all went into the kitchen and Doyoung could see how Jaehyun gave him a small smile before closing the kitchen door, leaving out him to think the empty living room.
Doyoung hasn’t known Jaehyun for very long and they met through Yuta. The guy was pretty cool and nice and Doyoung liked the way he smiled. Jaehyun was a year younger than him although he acted so much older. There were some others things he could say, but it all really didn’t matter. Jaehyun was someone that Doyoung had never taken up the courage to talk to even though they’ve been around each other far too many times.
After a few minutes, he drifted off to sleep.
A week later.
“It’s getting worse, Doyoung.”
The only thing he could do was nod. He closed his eyes, his blood was getting sucked out of his body once again. He was scared and he has never been this scared before. He had leukemia ever since he was young, but as he got older, his body got worse. It’s a very common disease and anything could happen to him. He knew that he didn't have much time left in the world to be able to do much and his heart pained thinking about it.
After it was done, he looked at his mother. His mother smiled at him and kissed his forehead.
“Everything’s going to be okay, right?” He looked at his mother and he could see the sadness in her eyes. It pains him every time.
His mother nodded. “Yes, honey.”
It had never seemed so fake before, but his mother never wanted him to get sad. After a while, Yuta walked in with Sicheng, holding a basket of fruits. Doyoung had a thing for fruits although he couldn’t eat them a lot.
“Thanks, Yuta,” Doyoung said, smiling at him.
“No problem,” his cousin patted his head. “I promise to never let anything happen to you okay? There’s no way I’m letting some disease take you away from me.” Yuta was his cousin from his mom’s side. His aunt has married a Japanese guy and they used to live in Japan, but now they moved down here so Yuta can attend college. He was happy to have someone like Yuta to look out for him.
Nodding, Doyoung looked over to see Jaehyun and Taeyong walking in. “What are you guys doing here?”
Jaehyun shrugged. “Yuta just said that we might not see you for a few weeks so we might as well visit.” He smiled at him and he just nodded, head falling back on the bed. A few weeks ago he felt fine, but just 3 days ago, he had fainted and felt like he could almost die back then. It had happened before, but he was getting weaker and weaker as days pass. He needed the treatment.
Taeyong gave him a decorated card with some words scribbled on it. “Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.”
When everyone left, Doyoung took a deep breath and opened his book to read. After a few minutes, Doyung heard the door creak open. He looked over to see Jaehyun giving him a basket of flowers. Doyoung found it so odd since they weren’t even close and they barely talked, but here was Jaehyun giving him flowers.
“Oh thank you!” He held out his hands to get the basket of flowers, but Jaehyun put it on the ground.
“It’s okay. I'll just put it here.”
Doyoung bit his lips, looking at him as if there was something to say. “Is there-”
“I want you to feel better,” Jaehyun quickly said, letting his hands brush across Doyoung’s cheek. “Get well and see you later.”
Doyoung smiled at him and watched him leave.
After a week, he was released and Sicheng had invited him to go shopping for Christmas presents. Doyoung really liked shopping and it was one his hobbies. Doyoung was known as the fashionista in the group and had so many clothes in his closet.
They met some old high school friends and brought a lot of outfits to wear. When he came across a black varsity jacket, he suddenly remembered the first time he met Jaehyun. They met when Sicheng had invited him to watch a football game at Yuta’s school. Back then, Yuta used to play football for his school and he and Sicheng went to different schools although they were dating. Yuta had introduced Jaehyun to Doyoung after the game and all he could remember was the eye smile the guy sported at him with his big varsity jacket hanging on his shoulder. He really didn't have much impression on Jaehyun, but the smile was something that could bright up a whole world. It was really the only thing that stood out.
“Hey, this looks like something Jaehyun would wear,” he said, feeling the nice fabric.
“It does huh? You should get it for him.”
Grabbing the price tag, he made a face. It was damn expensive. “Dude, this is expensive.”
“I’ll help you pay.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I mean why not?”
“I don’t know if he would like it.”
Sicheng raised his brows. “You’ve know Jaehyun since high school, why do you think he wouldn’t like it? He loves these things.”
Doyoung just nodded. “I mean yeah,” he glanced around for a bit, biting his lips. “But I don’t talk to him.”
“That’s because you’re shy.”
Doyoung almost laughed. “Not really.”
They went shopping for more presents for their friends. They spent a lot of time catching up and talking about random things. Sicheng liked to talk about his movies and his love for acting, and a whole lot of other things. Afterwards, Yuta picked them up. When they both jumped in the car, Sicheng changed the radio and they drove back home. Doyoung had moved out of Yuta’s place and back to his parents place due to his health conditions. They said that it was better for him so they can take care of him and not be a burden to Yuta, who was always working and going to school.
They arrived back to Doyoung’s place and Yuta helped him carry his stuff inside. After a hug, Yuta left. Doyoung managed to separate his gifts and organize them on the ground of his room before laying down in his bed.
He sometimes just wanted to be normal and not have to worry so much about his sickness. He hated having to be different from everyone else and he hated having to tell people that he was sick. But this was the life that he was given and he had to be content that he was at least living. He looked over at his clock. It was 6 o’ clock and he could hear his mother cooking food downstairs.
“How was your day Doyoung?” his mother asked when he came down the stairs.
Doyoung just shrugged. “My day was okay,” he said, sitting down on a chair.
“Just okay? You love shopping Doyoung.”
"I know."
Doyoung had never been in love nor had he ever thought about falling in love. It was something that had never crossed his mind. He was over at Yuta’s for a housewarming party with all their friends. Ten was by his side, talking about being in love with Johnny and how great it feels and about other things.
“It feels like your world is at the center of your fingertips and your heart is the only thing holding it. If it shatters, then you shatter.”
“When you shatter, everything shatters, just like your heart.”
“Exactly.”
“Don’t let anyone shatter your heart, Ten. It would be the worse.”
“I won’t. You shouldn’t let anyone hurt you too.”
Doyoung hummed and looked out the window. It was snowing again and he wanted to do something. And then an idea came to him. He looked at Jaehyun with his arms around Taeyong, and Sicheng, Yuta, Johnny, and Taeil playing a card game on the floor. He suddenly grabbed Ten’s hand and opened the door.
“Come on guys. It’s snowing.”
Ten followed him outside into the yard. Doyoung was looking up at the sky, catching little snowflakes. Ten smiled.
“Snowball fight!” Ten yelled.
Doyoung smiled, making his own snowball. “You’re on.”
By now, everyone was outside and they were having snowball fights. Doyoung saw that Yuta and Sicheng were hitting each other and smiled. Jaehyun was trying to aim at Taeyong but he missed and Ten and Johnny were doing snow angels. They played for half an hour before going back in to have hot chocolate.
“That was a great idea, Doyoung,” Johnny said, wrapping his arms around his shoulder. Johnny was a big guy, probably bigger than all of them, but he had a kind heart.
“Thanks. It seemed a little stuffy in here.”
“Doyoung always has the best ideas,” Ten said.
Doyoung just smiled them before drinking his chocolate. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jaehyun looking him, but he didn’t pay much attention.
“Hey guys, we’re going to go watch a movie now,” Yuta said.
Doyoung looked at the clock on the microwave. “I have to leave real soon guys.”
“Oh yeah. You have a check in tomorrow.”
“I’ll take him home,” Jaehyun offered with a smile.
Yuta smiled at him. “Will you?”
“Sure. He doesn’t live too far off.”
“Are you cold?” Jaehyun asked him when they were in the car alone. Doyoung realized that this is the first time that he’s ever been alone with Jaehyun in the car. It felt nice, but at the same time, overwhelming and awkward.
“No. Thanks for asking though.”
Jaehyun just nodded at him before reaching over to help him seatbelt.
“Oh thank you,” Doyoung said, looking at him.
“No problem.” Jaehyun just smiled at him before leaning back. Doyoung could smell his minty breath and his strong scent.
Once Jaehyun drove out of the driveway, they were quiet the whole way.
When they arrived at Doyoung’s house, Doyoung looked over to him.
“Hey, you know that Taeyong likes you right?”
Jaehyun just smiled at that. “Yeah, but…”
“But?”
Jaehyun looked at him for a moment. “I’ll wait for the day he confesses to me.”
“Good luck with that.” Everyone knows that Taeyong doesn’t confess.
“He’ll come around.”
Doyoung bid Jaehyun goodbye before opening his door. He watched Jaehyun drive off before going inside.
During the next few days. Doyoung couldn’t go outside much because he felt dizzy every time he steps foot outside. He didn’t want to stay in the hospital because he hated it there. Ten had came over to his house to check on his condition and was there for support. Doyoung liked having a best friend he could depend on, but he felt bad for being a burden. When it was a few weeks before Christmas, Doyoung was able to go outside and watch a play with Ten. It was the remake of the Grinch and Doyoung loved that movie. He and Ten always watched it growing up and it was one of their favorite childhood movies.
“You know, I appreciate you a lot Ten,” Doyoung whispered against his shoulder. “You never looked down on me because I was sick. You never treated me differently than anyone else. I’m really happy to know that I have someone like you.”
Ten smiled at him understanding where he was going at. “I should thank you. You’re my life saver. You gave me happiness and you helped me understand that life is worth it when I was at my worse. I- I just could never understand how you’re so strong.”
Doyoung sighed, looking away. “When you’re at this point in your life, there’s so much that you can do.” He stopped for a moment, finding the right words. “You’re different from me. It’s hard when you have a sickness, but you’ve just got to be strong. There’s nothing that isn’t worth it.”
“What do you want to do before you die?”
Doyoung bit his lips, thinking. “There is one thing I’ve always wanted.”
“What is it?”
Doyoung looked up at him. “Fall in love. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Don’t worry, there’s time for you. You will fall in love.”
“How much time will I have left?”
Ten looked at him, eyes becoming watery. “You have forever Doyoung. Remember, you’re invincible. You can do anything.”
“We can do anything, Ten. We have each other, we are invincible.”
Ten smiled at him. “Always.”
Sometimes Doyoung wished that was true.
“Doyoung.”
“Yeah, mom?”
“Wake up.”
Doyoung opened his eye to look at his mother. There was worry in her eyes.
“Mom? Is everything okay?” He looked around the room and realized that he was back in the hospital room. He doesn’t remember anything that had happened the day before.
“The doctor is coming to talk to you.”
It took about a few moments for the doctor to come over. He faced Doyoung and gave him a small smile. “Doyoung, I want you to look at me.”
Doyoung looked at him closely. “Yes?”
“This will be your last test. You will be free once I let you go, but I want you to know something.”
Doyoung didn’t get it. His heart was becoming heavier. Something wasn’t right. “What is happening?”
“You don’t have much time left.”
You don’t have much time. The words echoed in his head, piercing through his heart. It hurt so much. “What do you mean? Mom, you said everything will alright!”
“Doyoung.”
That was when Doyoung broke down, everything crashing before his eyes at once. Life just wasn’t fair. It never will be.
Doyoung woke up the next morning to see Yuta and Ten by his side.
“Hey, buddy. How are you feeling?”
Doyoung smiled at them, wanting to let them know that he was alright, but he knew that he was broken inside. Nothing will ever be the same.
“We got you some sweets,” Yuta said, putting some cookies on the bed. “We know that you needed something to boost you up. Your mom wouldn’t tell me anything.”
“Thank you Yuta,” he said, sitting up. He reached for some of the cookies and took a bite. Yuta was always trying to make everything better. “They told me that I can be released soon.”
“That’s good.”
They stayed there for awhile longer until Yuta had to go. Ten didn’t want to leave him, but he had night classes he needed to attend. When Ten was about to leave, they saw Jaehyun and Taeyong make their way inside. Jaehyun was carrying flowers once again.
“Hey guys,” Ten said, helping Jaehyun put the flowers on the table next to Doyoung.
“I have to leave for classes with Ten,” Taeyong said, “but I wanted to see if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” Doyoung said. “No worries.”
“Did the doctor say anything? Is your sickness getting worse?”
Doyoung didn’t want to tell them that he was dying. He didn’t plan on telling them anything. Well not yet. When the right time comes, he will.
“I’ll be released earlier this time.”
“That’s good. We have to go. Jaehyun, you can stay back if you want to.”
“Okay.”
When they left, Doyoung finally looked over to Jaehyun. Jaehyun held out a red rose for him.
“For the most beautiful one of them all,” he said, handing him the rose. “It’s only for people who deserve it, like you.”
Doyoung smiled at him, taking the rose into his hands. Somehow his heart felt warmer because of those words and the younger boy’s sweet actions. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Doyoung looked at him closely. Jaehyun was wearing a striped T-shirt and jeans. “It’s pretty cold out there you know.”
Jaehyun suddenly reached out for his red varsity jacket. It was one his favorites, the one that Doyoung really liked. “I wanted you to have this. I think it’d be amazing to see you wear it.”
Doyoung looked at the jacket. “Why are you giving it to me?”
“Because I want you to have it. Yuta said that you have a thing for it.”
Doyoung blushed. It wasn’t just that he had a thing for it, he liked it when Jaehyun would wear it. It made Jaehyun look handsome and strong.
“You don’t have classes?”
Jaehyun shook his head. He slowly leaned in close to him. “I don’t. Do you want to go somewhere with me?”
“Where?”
“Somewhere with fresh air. I know you don’t like it here.”
“Okay.”
Jaehyun asked the nurse if he could take Doyoung around and the nurse was fine with it. Doyoung grabbed his IV stand and followed Jaehyun outside and down the elevator. “Where are you taking me?”
Jaehyun reached out for his hand. Jaehyun’s hand felt warm and Doyoung somehow thought that they fit nicely. “I want you to see something.” They were outside in the cold freezing air and Jaehyun put his jacket on him. “Come on.”
They walked behind the hospital and Jaehyun showed him a small snowman that was placed next to one of the bushes. He smiled at that and slowly leaned down to touch it.
“It’s beautiful. You made this?”
“Yup. I made it before I came to see you.”
Doyoung looked up at him. “It’s really cute.”
Jaehyun smiled at him. “But you’re a lot cuter.”
Doyoung didn’t know how to take the compliment so he didn’t say anything. They walked around some more until it started snowing.
“Do you want to go inside now?”
Doyoung shook his head. “Not yet. I want to see a bit more of the snow. Don’t you think it’s just beautiful?” Doyoung put his hands out to feel the wet substance.
Jaehyun followed his gaze. “It is.” He did the same thing.
“You only see this once a year.”
“Is this your favorite season?” He asked, watching him closely.
“Yes.”
Doyoung took his hand and walked back to the hospital room. “Thanks for taking me out there.”
“Anytime. Just call me when you need me.”
Doyoung had to drop out of school ever since he started fainting in class. It wasn’t the best thing for him, but he loved school. He always had good grades and excelled in his classes. High school had been one the best years of his life and he felt sad that he couldn’t continue college. He decided that it was okay because he could always become a writer and that is what he wanted to be. He loved writing stories and it was one of his favorite hobbies. He learned to love reading books because when he was younger, he could never really sit down to read one, but now he had so much time on his hands.
When it reached 10 in the morning, he decided to walk outside to visit the closest cafe. His friend, Chanyeol, worked there and he would always give him new samples of the drinks or just give free food. He could never really eat them.
“What brings you here today?”
Doyoung smiled at him. “Just doing some writing I guess. How’s the place?”
“Slow, but good.”
Doyoung went to sit down in the corner of the cafe. He opened his laptop and continued typing.
After a moment he received a phone call from Ten.
“I’m at the cafe.”
“You are? Oh good, Jaehyun and I are heading there right now.”
“Okay.”
When they both arrived, Doyoung scooted over so Ten can sit beside him.
“When are you ever going to be done?”
“I don’t know,” Doyoung muttered. He had been working on a book for a quite a while now and he wanted to finish it before he dies. He wanted them to have a memory of his own piece of work.
Ten got up. “I'm ordering some food. Want anything Jae?”
“Not really. You can order for yourself.”
Ten walked away and Jaehyun looked back at Doyoung. Doyoung just smiled at him.
“Are you having trouble trying to finish your book?”
Doyoung nodded. “Yeah but I think I’ll be fine. I just need to explore a bit on some concepts.”
“What concept?”
Doyoung just looked at him. “This is like my story, but I’m writing it in 3rd person, but the person isn't me. He’s like a different form of me in a totally different atmosphere.”
“What do you mean? Someone who is like you but, but isn't you?”
Doyoung nodded. “This person is able to do what I can't do. This person doesn't have cancer, but this person doesn't know how to love his life. He wants to be able to fall in love, yet he doesn't know how.”
“This seems like a lovely story,” Jaehyun said, giving him a warm smile.
Ten came back with some food and they all engaged in a good conversation. After a while, they all headed out to take a walk. Ten said that he needed to go somewhere and meet up with Johnny.
Jaehyun slowly took his hands and laced them together as they walked in the cold atmosphere. Doyoung looked down at their hands and up to him. Jaehyun was looking straight ahead, smiling. “I like this. Just being able to be with you. I never had to chance to get to know you very well although we’ve been hanging around for years now.”
Doyoung smiled up at him. “Well what do you want to know?”
“Everything about you. You favorite color, favorite movie, first kiss, your most precious memory and everything else.”
“Okay.”
They spent some time walking around and then ended up at Doyoung’s place. It was nice to be a warm atmosphere again. “My favorite color is is blue because I love the ocean and it reminds me of freedom and happiness,” Doyoung said. “The color is just really precious to me.”
Jaehyun smiled at that, helping Doyoung take off his coat. “To me, you’re more precious than anything else.”
Doyoung laughed. “Thank you I guess.”
“What about your first kiss?”
Doyoung didn't answer him for a moment. “My first kiss never happened actually. I always dreamed of having the most romantic kiss before I die, but I don't know,” the older boy turned to look at him. “It just seemed impossible.”
“Well nothing is impossible.”
They ended up watching a movie in the living room and Jaehyun let Doyoung fall asleep on his shoulder, smiling at the way Doyoung snored. It was cute.
Yuta came over a bit later and was surprised to see him there. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
“We just hung out and he fell asleep.”
Yuta sighed and looked at him, a sad smile playing his lips. “I'm sometimes very worried for him. He may seem all happy and stuff on the outside, but he’s hurting inside. I wish I could do something to help him sometimes. I hate having to see him go through this by himself.”
Jaehyun looked back at Doyoung on the couch. “It hurts me too.”
“By the way, what are you going to do about Taeyong?”
Jaehyun shook his head, leaning on the counter, his eyes never leaving Doyoung’s peaceful figure. “Taeyong? I don't know. I just never thought of him as anything more than a friend even though we all know how he feels about me.”
“Would you date him?”
Jaehyun bit his lips, looking away from Doyoung to face Yuta. “That is for me to know.”
Doyoung woke up the next day to see Ten beside him. Ten looked ready to go to class, but he made a stop to see him. It's nice having a best friend like him.
“Hey sleepy head.”
“Hi.”
“I just wanted to greet you before I leave for hell. Johnny is outside in the kitchen with Jaehyun right now.”
“Jaehyun?”
Ten nodded. “Yeah. He’s going to keep you company today okay? I haven't seen you and him hang out much but it's nice to see some progress with you guys.”
Doyoung just nodded for a moment. “Oh okay.”
Ten kissed his forehead before brushing the hair out his face and leaving. “I’ll come by to see you later.”
When Ten left, Doyoung saw Jaehyun walk into his room with a smile and some drinks. “Hello to you beautiful.”
Doyoung chuckled at his words. “Um hi. What are those for?”
“Your mom suggested that I make these for you when you wake up. Your parents are going to be back soon because they have some stuff to deal with.” Jaehyun handed him the drinks. “Here drink it.”
Doyoung gulped down the water and thanked Jaehyun. “You didn't have to keep me company today. Don't you have classes today?”
“I have it during the night time mostly. And besides it’s okay. I like spending time with you. It’s refreshing.”
“Oh really?”
Jaehyun nodded at him, reaching to lace their hands together. It seemed like a habit of his. “Let's spend the day together. Do you want to do anything today?”
Doyoung thought about it for a moment. “Yeah I do. I want to go to the beach.”
Jaehyun smiled at him. “Okay. That's a good idea.”
It snow had cleared up a lot during last few days so it wasn't that dangerous to drive around and Jaehyun was thankful for that. Jaehyun had driven them down to the closest beach and they spent most the of their time listening to peaceful music during the ride. They both knew that it was extremely freezing cold on the beach but since Doyoung wanted to go there, Jaehyun was down. Jaehyun laced their hands together and Doyoung smiled back at him. It was something new for the both of them and Jaehyun liked seeing Doyoung this way.
They were both covered in thick coats and the cold breeze washed over them as they stepped out. They walked out to the water and Jaehyun watched Doyoung the whole time. If he was being honest, he had always liked Doyoung although they were never close or talked much. Something about him draws him in, but Jaehyun never actually the courage to talk to him until recently and he was glad he made the move. They spent most their time just walking around the beach and listening to water wash the shore. It was beautiful. Jaehyun wrapped his arms around Doyoung and Doyoung leaned his head against his chest.
“It feels nice like this,” Jaehyun said. “Just you and me.”
“And the beautiful scenery of the beach. It's all I could ever imagine.”
Jaehyun smiled at him, taking his face into his palms. “Can I kiss you? I’ve always wondered what it would be like to kiss you.”
Doyoung blinked at him for a moment but slowly smiled at him. “Yeah.”
Jaehyun leaned down to kiss him, holding onto his waist. The kiss was sweet and everything that he wanted. Doyoung kissed him back, wrapping his arms around his neck. It was nice and beautiful and just perfect.
Jaehyun couldn't help but think about Doyoung and doesn't miss any opportunity to see him every day. Doyoung seemed happy whenever he would stop by and see him, kissing him every time and giving him warm hugs.
Jaehyun probably had fallen for him so hard that it was painful to let him out of his sight. Doyoung just smiles at him whenever he says how much he misses him even if they were separated for a few hours.
When Ten asked Doyoung how it was being around Jaehyun, he could only blush. The younger was making him feel like falling in love for the first time and it just felt nice. It was just really new and nice, there were no words to describe it.
“I like him,” Doyoung admitted, looking at Ten straight in the eye. “He’s cute and he took me to the beach. He's a real gentleman and I like that."
“You and Jaehyun?” Ten smiled. “Is he taking good care of you? He comes here often right?”
Doyoung nodded. “Yeah.”
They were going out to grab dinner together because Ten misses hanging out with his best friend. Sicheng and Yuta were also joining them. Ten drove them to the place and it was a small cozy restaurant. They saw Sicheng and Yuta kissing each other and interrupted them.
“Oh hello to you guys.”
“Sorry about that,” Sicheng said, slightly embarrassed that they were caught. He turned to look at Doyoung, hugging him tightly. “Hey Doyoung. How is everything?”
“I'm getting better. Don't worry about me.”
“How can I not worry about you? It’s hard not to.” Sicheng gave him a sad smile. “But I'm happy to see that you’re better.”
“Thank you.”
“Jaehyun’s been watching out for him a lot these days. It’s cute,” Ten said. “Like Jaehyun hates being apart from him and it's funny how they never even talked before.”
Yuta gave them a funny look. “Really? Jaehyun likes taking care of people. It's his charm.”
They continued to talk and order some food. Afterwards, Jaehyun met up with them and when he saw Doyoung, he wrapped his arms around him and kissed him in front of everyone.
“How did you know I was having dinner here?” Doyoung asked him.
“I texted Ten and he told me.”
Yuta looked at them, crossing his arms. “You and Jaehyun are together? Oh now that makes sense."
Jaehyun just nodded sheepishly. “Yeah. Sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't know how to break it to you guys.”
Both Ten and Yuta just chuckled at him, with Yuta patting his back. “It's cool. He seems happier these days and I'm guessing it’s because of you. Thank you.” Yuta patted his back. “Just don't break his heart or you're dead to me.”
“I won't.”
“Good.”
Sicheng was smiling the whole time. “Congrats guys. You guys are so cute but I always thought Jaehyun would end up with Taeyong.”
Jaehyun just laughed at that, shaking his head. Together they walked to their cars.
“We’ll be taking off now. Take care of him for me okay?” Yuta said. “I trust you. Doyoung's like my baby cousin okay? Even though he's only a year younger than me."
“Yeah. You don't need to worry about it.”
Yuta just looked at Doyoung and gave him a hug. “I’ll see you soon Doyoung. Your mom expects you take care of yourself okay? Sicheng and I are going out of town for a bit but we’ll be back before Christmas.”
Jaehyun nodded at them. “Have a safe trip guys. Doyoung is safe with me. You don't have to worry.”
Sicheng turned to Ten. “You need to watch out for him if he does anything funny.”
“Okay.”
They all went their separate ways and Doyoung was back in Jaehyun’s car. “How was dinner?”
“It was nice. The food was good.”
“Yuta and Sicheng going out of town for what? Do you know? He hasn't really told me anything."
Doyoung looked up at him. “Yuta and Sicheng need their time together before Sicheng leaves again. Yuta really loves him so I guess they're taking a trip together."
Jaehyun smiled at that and leaned forward to kiss Doyoung's forehead. “It's nice to have someone you can spend your time with when Christmas is around the corner. I’m glad I have you.”
“Me too,” Doyoung said, knowing that inside his heart that he will eventually have to tell Jaehyun that he is dying. He didn't have the heart to tell him and he didn't want to. It was painful and he couldn't bear to see his boyfriend sad because of him.
They both laid on the bed together, with Doyoung’s head on Jaehyun’s chest. “Doyoung,” Jaehyun whispered. “What is your biggest dream?”
“For me, I’ve always dreamed of traveling the world but I could never do that.”
Jaehyun chuckled at that. “That's a good dream.”
“But one thing I’ve wanted to do before I die is to fall in love,” he said, looking up at Jaehyun. “Falling in love was something I've wanted."
Jaehyun looked at him, his eyes soft and just beautiful. “I want you to fall in love with me. No matter how long it will take, I want to be only in your heart because you already have mine.” Jaehyun leaned down to kiss him, nothing harsh but just breathtaking.
“I love you Doyoung. So much."
Doyoung smiled at him, kissing him back. “I love you too.”
Time was flying quick and Jaehyun can see in Doyoung’s eyes that there was something else that he wasn't telling him. Christmas was just next week and Doyoung was dreading it, wishing that he had more time to spend with his loved ones. The weather was cold but they were outside on top of Jaehyun’s SUV beside the beach, looking up at the stars because this was what Doyoung wanted. They were kissing and talking about anything that crossed their minds. Doyoung liked being with Jaehyun in these moments the most because it was precious. Spending time with Jaehyun was precious to him and loved every moment of it.
As they laid down and watched the stars, Doyoung suddenly asked, “If I go missing one day, would you look for me?”
Jaehyun didn't like the question at all. “Yes. I will always look for you babe. You're the person that I will love for the rest of my life.”
“What if you can never find me?”
Jaehyun looked down at him. “I will find a way for us to be together. In this lifetime and the next, there's only you.”
Doyoung smiled up at him, kissing his neck. “Only me? Are you sure?”
Jaehyun nodded. “There’s only you baby.”
Jaehyun took him inside the car and kissed him everywhere that he can reach. Jaehyun pulled his shirt off his body and Doyoung admired the way Jaehyun looked, his body toned and abs strong. It was beautiful. He helped Doyoung get rid of his shirt and together they just kept kissing and hugging each other.
Doyoung stopped him, holding his face. “Can we? I really want you.”
Jaehyun just nodded. They've never gone as to make love for each other, but today it seemed right. Jaehyun reached down to take his pants off, kissing down his stomach. Doyoung was inexperienced and Jaehyun didn't want to hurt him. When his pants and boxers were off, Jaehyun thought he looked beautiful, seeing him like this for the first time. Doyoung was breathtakingly beautiful.
“You're so beautiful Doyoung. Everything about you is beautiful.”
It made Doyoung blush and hide his face in Jaehyun’s neck. Jaehyun just smiled as he kissed him again.
Jaehyun began inserting his fingers into Doyoung's hole as gently as possible, not wanting the boy under him to feel uncomfortable.
“Are you okay?”
Doyoung just nodded, closing his eyes.
Jaehyun sat up and took off his pants and slowly finally placed his length, making sure Doyoung got used to it before he did anything else. After some time, Doyoung pulled him down by the neck. "Please move.”
They did it slowly, lacing their hands together and by the time they were done, Doyoung was smiling and Jaehyun found himself falling deeper and deeper. He looked out the window and smiled as Doyoung slipped off to sleep.
It was hours later when Jaehyun finally woke up. He didn’t see Doyoung beside him and quickly put on his clothes and coat before stepping out into the very cold weather.
He saw Doyoung near the shore again and walked to him, hugging him behind, kissing his neck.
“Morning beautiful.”
Doyoung turned around and gave him a sweet kiss. “Hello handsome.”
“What are you doing up so early?”
Shrugging, Doyoung looked at the water washing up the sand. “Some fresh air.”
They both looked out into the water. Doyoung suddenly reached out for his hands, watching the way that they fit together so nicely. “When you hear the word beach, what do you think of?”
Jaehyun hummed. “Whenever I think of the beach, I think of you and our first kiss together. I think about loving you and how beautiful you are. Whenever I think about you, you remind me of the beach because the beach is just so beautiful, but I always think how amazing it is to fall in love with you and just to be beside you.”
“Will you ever forget about me?”
“Why would I ever? I would never forget about you.”
Doyoung turned and hugged him, placing his face on the side of Jaehyun’s neck. “What if you fall in love with someone?”
Jaehyun didn’t understand where Doyoung was going at. “What do you mean?”
“Will you always love me?”
Jaehyun nodded. “Always.”
Doyoung smiled at that. There wasn’t much time left for the both of them.
“Jaehyun, what are you getting Doyoung for Christmas?” Christmas was in exactly 3 days and if Jaehyun was being honest, he was nervous as heck.
“Do you have any idea what I should get him?” Jaehyun asked, looking at Johnny. They were all hanging out at the food court at the mall with the guys. Doyoung was over at Ten’s house helping him plan the Christmas party.
“I don’t know. He’s your boyfriend.”
Taeyong walked up to them and sat down on the table they were at. The others were still getting some food. Taeyong knows about his relationship with Doyoung but doesn't say much about it, but Jaehyun can tell the guy was a bit hurt. Whenever he sees them together, he gets a bad case of jealousy.
“What are you guys talking about?”
“What Jaehyun should get Doyoung for Christmas.”
Taeyong just nodded, sipping his drink. “Ohhh.”
Jaehyun just looked down at his food just as the guys came and sat down. They all conversed about some things, but Jaehyun’s mind trailed off to Doyoung and his Christmas present. There was nothing in the mall that Jaehyun wanted to give Doyoung. Doyoung deserved better than that.
When they were all heading back home, Taeyong asked if they could talk for a bit.
Jaehyun just nodded, watching all their friends leave and leaned against his car, looking at Taeyong. Taeyong wasn’t as intimidating as people say, the guy just holds a lot of inner feelings. It was pretty chilly out and he regretted not wearing a warmer coat. “So what do you want to talk about?”
“You know, I’m happy for you and Doyoung. You seem really happy whenever he’s around.”
Jaehyun just smiled. “I love him. He’s really amazing.”
“I know. He’s a good person. The main reason I want to talk is to tell you about my feelings. I know my feelings will ever matter to you, but I just want to get it over with.”
“Are you confessing?” Jaehyun asked, raising his brows.
Taeyong shrugged. “I guess. I don’t know. I just want to tell you that I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time and I realized that Doyoung can make you happier and I am in no mean to break you guys up. Doyoung deserves the world because he’s going through so much. It’s cool that you’re there for him when we couldn’t be.”
Jaehyun smiled at that. “Thank you.”
“Doyoung has cancer and he might not live till the longest, but please love him as much as you can.”
“I will.”
When Taeyong left, Jaehyun went into his car and started crying. He knew that Doyoung had cancer and it was hard to believe that one day they could never stay by each other’s side forever. He didn’t want Doyoung to leave him and it hurts to know that Doyoung maybe has been giving him some hints and he understands it now.
He drove over to Doyoung’s house to see Mrs. Kim in the kitchen making some food. “Mrs. Kim, can you be honest with me?”
“What’s wrong Jaehyun?” She asked, worry in his eyes.
“How long does he have left?”
“What do you mean?”
“How long does Doyoung have left?”
She just looked at him, guilt written on her face. “Jaehyun…”
Jaehyun sighed, looking down. “Is he dying?”
“Yes.” Jaehyun wanted to cry right again, but he shouldn't. He had to be strong.
“How long?”
“I don’t know when he will die. It hurts me too and I cry every day thinking about him leaving me. It hurts so much Jaehyun.”
“Will he die on Christmas Day?”
“Honey, I don’t know but there is a high chance of that happening. I’m very worried too.”
“He never told me anything.”
“He probably didn’t want you to know. Most of his friends don’t know. Not even Yuta.”
Jaehyun sighed, his heart in pain. Doyoung was dying.
She took his face into her palms. “I know how you feel. Just pretend that you don’t know and keep loving him until your heart’s content. Never stop loving him and always to remember to make him happy. It would mean so much to him."
It was snowing again and Doyoung was watching the snowflakes fall to the ground. Today was Christmas Eve and most of their friends are out doing last minute shopping and spending their times with their families. Doyoung was curled up on the couch with Jaehyun, drinking hot chocolate and watching some old Christmas movies. Doyoung liked these moments the most, just being able to spend quality time with Jaehyun and not think about others things that was worrying him.
“You know,” Jaehyun said, looking down at him. “I wanna go sing carols with you, go snowboarding with you and make gingerbread cookies with you. I want to do so much with you.”
Doyoung smiled at that. “How about we make them cookies? I'm kinda craving for them.”
Jaehyun laughed. “Then let's do some shopping first.”
They put on their coats and headed out the store to buy some ingredients. Doyoung linked their arms together, never letting him go and Jaehyun smiled at that. He will miss these kind of moments. He will miss everything about him.
When they finished up buying their ingredients, they stopped at a small park near his house. Doyoung wiped off the snow and sat down on the swing. “When I was younger, I loved riding on the swings. It made me feel like I was flying, reaching for my dreams. It made me happy and I didn't have to think about having cancer. I felt like I was really flying.”
Jaehyun just smiled at him. “Do you want to fly again?”
Doyoung just nodded, pushing himself back and forth, swinging himself on the swing and Jaehyun watched him while he did it. Doyoung looked so happy. Everything was just so beautiful and he didn't ever want to miss a beat. Seeing Doyoung like this was amazing. Jaehyun later joined him and they held hands while swinging, with him thinking about how much Doyoung was such a blessing in his life.
When they got back, Doyoung was smiling so big. They sorted out the ingredients and started to bake. Doyoung liked how Jaehyun was the better cooker in terms of everything. It was nice having a boyfriend who can bake and cook for him. When they were done, they ate while they snuggled under the blanket.
“Merry Christmas Eve Doyoung.”
“Merry Christmas Eve, my love.”
They smiled at each other, watching each other’s eyes. “When you think of me, only think about the happy memories okay? The happy times we shared and the happy times we spent together.”
Jaehyun sadly smiled at him, brushing the hair out his eyes. “Don't worry. I will.”
Doyoung closed his eyes and Jaehyun never wanted to see him leave his sight. He knew that Doyoung was going to break his heart and tear it to pieces, but now, he was all that mattered. Doyoung was everything that mattered to him and he wanted to cherish these times he had left.
It was finally Christmas and things didn't start out well. Doyoung could barely get off the bed without feeling like he needed to faint. Last night, he was busy writing for his book, draining himself out and worrying the hell out of his boyfriend. Yuta had arrived and the first thing he did was visit Doyoung. Doyoung smiled when he saw him, giving him a deep hug.
“You don't know how worried I was because of you. I kept calling your mom to see if you're okay because I would hate myself if anything happened to you.”
Doyoung just hugged him tighter. “I'm fine. Just a bit dizzy but don't worry. Jaehyun got me.”
Yuta turned to look at his friend, a smile forming on his lips. “Thank you Jaehyun.”
They eventually left the room for Sicheng and Doyoung to catch up and talk. When they were in the living room, Yuta patted his back. “I'm really happy that you're with him. You make him feel less alone.”
And then Yuta started crying, a tearing running down his cheeks. “You don't know how much that means to me. He’s dying and you giving him so much love is just everything I could ever ask you. Thank you so much Jaehyun."
Jaehyun just smiled at him. “I love him.”
“I know. You're probably as devastated as I am about hearing the news.”
“You know?”
Yuta nodded. “His mom couldn't keep everything away from me. I cried so much but I feel like I need to be happy around him when in my heart, it's shattering. Doyoung wouldn't like to see us sad right?”
Jaehyun nodded, his eyes watering. “Yeah.”
Yuta pulled him into a hug. "You can cry on my shoulder. It's okay.” And that was when Jaehyun really cried to his heart’s content as he hugged Yuta.
Doyoung wanted to come to the Christmas party although his parents wouldn't let him. His body was fragile and he was starting to become weaker throughout the day. Doyoung knew that he wasn't going to be alive much longer but he wants to be there with his friends. They had their presents packed in the car and both his parents were coming with them because they wanted to spend time with everyone there.
Ten’s house was small and cozy, very nice and a good place for a Christmas party. There were mistletoes and several Christmas decorations. Doyoung helped decorate but it was Ten who did the finishing touches. But everything was beautiful.
Doyoung held Jaehyun's hands as they walked through the door, seeing that there was a mistletoe on top. Doyoung giggled a bit before kissing Jaehyun on the lips. “Our first mistletoe together.”
Jaehyun just smiled. And probably our last.
Hours went by and Jaehyun always had his eyes on Doyoung as he spent time with everyone else. When he saw Doyoung’s parents in the kitchen with Ten’s mom, he saw them sporting sad smiles on their faces.
“You know, it's time to be happy. Doyoung would hate to see those sad smiles on your lips.”
Ten’s mom laughed. “You're right. Doyoung had always been like a second son to me. I can't ever imagine him not being in my life.”
Jaehyun smiled. He saw Taeyong walking up to him.
“How’s the party?” He asked.
“Perfect.”
Taeyong looked at him with a warm smile. “That's good.”
It was time to open up presents and Jaehyun had kind of been dreading this part since he didn't do much shopping for presents throughout the month.
He got his friends presents but he couldn’t say if they were any good. He sat next to Doyoung as he watched everyone open up their gifts.
“Are you gonna open yours?” He asked.
Doyoung looked down. “I just want to see everyone smile when they open their presents. Just for a little while.”
Jaehyun leaned forward to kiss his lips. Jaehyun slowly opened his present from Doyoung and it was a black varsity jacket. It must have been expensive, but he smiled nevertheless. Doyoung had even signed his name with a black sharpie on the back. “Thank you so much.”
Doyoung smiled at him. “I'm glad you liked it.” Doyoung opened up his present that he got him and it was a small picture frame of them at the beach for the very first time together. Doyoung just grinned. “You're the best. Merry Christmas Jaehyun."
“Merry Christmas Doyoung.”
Everyone one was watching them, sporting happy smiles. Jaehyun just wished that they could all be happy like this, he didn't want Doyoung to go just yet. His heart didn't want him to go. As the hours went by, Doyoung finally collapsed in the living room and his mother called out for the ambulance. They were all worried and Jaehyun couldn't manage to even take a foot outside to follow Yuta and Doyoung’s parents to the hospital.
He just sat there as he watched them take him away. He could see in everyone’s faces that they felt the same. They were all stunned and heartbroken. Sicheng seemed the most traumatized and started to cry against Ten’s shoulder. Johnny, Taeyong, Taeil and the rest of the guys comforted him, hugging him and telling him that Doyoung was going to be alright when they all knew Doyoung wasn't going to be okay.
It was their last Christmas with him and he was glad that Doyoung could see all of them before he goes away.
“So he’s really dying huh?” Johnny asked. “I’m really going to miss him.”
“We all knew this was going to happen,” Ten said, looking up at them, “we just weren't sure when. We counted down to the days he had left and made sure he was happy with us when we were dying every time we set our eyes on him.”
They all looked at Jaehyun. “He didn’t tell us anything about dying, but in our hearts, we knew that our time was limited together. I’m thankful that you helped him fall in love for the first time,” Ten said.
Jaehyun smiled and gathered all of them for a group hug. “I love you guys.”
It has been a week since Jaehyun last saw him. A very painful week. It had been hard for him to understand that Doyoung was finally gone. All his friends came to see Doyoung right after his trip to the hospital but he was the only one who couldn’t bear to see the love of his life die. It would kill him to see Doyoung dying right before his eyes, but he regretted not taking up the chance to see him one last time. They couldn’t do everything he wanted to do and the time just flew by in a matter of seconds. But then he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Yuta had told him that Doyoung left him something and suggested that he come visit the hospital room during his free time. Jaehyun agreed, but his heart just wasn’t at ease. These days, everyone was really sad about Doyoung’s death, especially Yuta who spent so much time just being stuck in his room and crying his eyes out during the middle of the night. He really loved Doyoung and it was hard to even think about him. Ten and Johnny and the guys tried to go on with their life, but somehow it seemed more painful as time passed. His parents had it worse, having to plan out his funeral the following week. Jaehyun always came by to see them, but nothing was the same. Mrs. Kim always hugged and kissed his cheek, thankful for everything he did. He couldn’t handle what it was like to be in their shoes, losing their own son.
Jaehyun finally came by the hospital and when he arrived at the room, he noticed that there was a journal on the bed with Doyoung’s name on it, along with a rose. He sat down and flipped it opened, but couldn’t hold onto the tears.
When I fall in love, I want to fall in love with
someone who will make me feel that loving him
was the best decision I have ever made.
Loving you was amazing, you made me believe that life was always worth looking for and you made me believe that everything was going to be okay. You’re selfless, sweet, handsome, and the most amazing person I know. You loved me like no other and you looked at me like I was the only person on this beautiful planet. You made me feel so special and nothing else could ever compare. I love you Jaehyun and until the next life, let’s love each other again. Remember, when you think of me, think of me smiling, think of me kissing you, and think about the happy moments we have shared this month. Don’t think about the sad things, just think about being happy.
Remember the book that I was writing? Yeah I never finished it, but I want you to. It’s a story of how the main character finally fell in love and you can decide the happy ending for them and for us. Again, thank you for everything Jaehyun. I love you so much.
Tears were everywhere as he cried and he just couldn’t hold it in. He wiped away his tears and reached out for the rose, which had a small note on it.
“Our love will always last an eternity. Remember when you gave me a rose? Yeah, so now it’s my turn.”
Jaehyun had spent days reading the small journal. Doyoung had written everything they did together and it warmed his heart just reading them. Doyoung had nice writing and his words always hold a strong meaning, but Jaehyun's heart felt heavier as he read them. On the last page of the journal, Doyoung had given him his email and password to access the documents and he promised that one day, he will finish that book just for Doyoung. He just felt like he had to.
It was the day of the funeral and Jaehyun and the guys were there, in the freezing weather with everyone else. They all had something to say to Doyoung and when it was Jaehyun's turn, he could feel himself crying again. Yuta just smiled at him and patted his back.
He walked up and held out a small ring. "I've been meaning to ask him to marry me, but I knew that we couldn't be together because he was dying. In the back of my mind, I regretted not asking him. The times we had together was amazing and I loved every moment of it and I wanted to love him longer. He's a blessing in my life and I will always love him. Doyoung, let's always love each other because in this lifetime and the next, I will always look for you. One day, I will have the courage to ask you marry me when we meet again. I love you."