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When Kageyama Tobio is fifteen years old he wakes up with black feathers on his pillow and immediately thinks, Oh thank God.
*
His parents are not happy.
When he comes down the stairs that morning, his mother drops the plate she’s holding and his father immediately accuses her of infidelity.
“A crow? You cheated on me with a crow?”
“Don’t be stupid,” his mother snarls, her eyes flashing gold, indicating just how close her anger is to the surface. “I have always been faithful. This must be because of some impurity in your line. My family certainly never had any mixed breeding.”
“No one in my family has ever fucked a crow!”
Kageyama sits through their yelling but doesn’t say anything. He’s not surprised by their reactions; he realizes this changes everything. He knows this will bring an endless amount of complications and quite possibly, he will never be accepted by his family again.
But he doesn’t care.
He’s relieved, so relieved, that even now he’s worried this is a dream; even now he’s terrified he will wake up and he won’t be a bird after all. His fears are reasonable ones; he dreams so often of flying this could surely be another one.
But his parents don’t usually shout so much in his dreams; there aren’t usually so many broken dishes as his mom flings things to the ground.
That seems like reason enough to think this might be real after all.
*
When his mother calms down, she takes him to a doctor, the same doctor she took him to when he was six years old and it was evident that he wasn’t shifting.
The doctor runs a few tests but he doesn’t at all seem surprised at the announcement that Kageyama is a crow shifter.
“Kageyama-san,” he says wearily. “I did warn you that this was a possibility.”
“You did?” Kageyama exclaims, looking towards his mother for confirmation, because this is the first he’s heard of such a thing.
The doctor raises his brows at him, but if he is critical of the fact that Kageyama’s mother never warned her child about this possibility, he doesn’t show it beyond that gesture. “When a child does not shift right away, it is oftentimes because they are anomalies.”
This isn’t much of an explanation for Kageyama, who grew up thinking something must be wrong with him, and the word anomaly only solidifies that feeling.
“Sorry,” the doctor says, realizing the extent of Kageyama’s confusion. “Shifting is not entirely a biological process. We are not animals, no matter what it might seem like. While shifting does have a genetic component and can usually be controlled through strict monitoring of bloodlines, that is not all that controls our shift.
“There is also a component of soul. Sometimes, if a person is just not psychologically suited to the animal they are genetically predisposed to shift into, then they become anomalies and reject their genetics, causing a delay in first-shift.”
The doctor looks at Kageyama’s mother now. “Simply put, you son has never been a pack animal. He was not suited to be any kind of canine.”
*
Not a pack animal.
That had been what the Kitagawa Daiichi Volleyball Club had said.
Kageyama doesn’t know what a pack is.
Kageyama’s the King of the Court, he doesn’t care about his pack.
It’s because he can’t shift; he’s defective, he can’t possible understand what it’s like to function in a pack.
And he heard the word so much—pack, pack, pack—that he just grew sick of it.
Fine, maybe I don’t understand. Maybe I don’t know what a pack is. And when he started to dream about flying that’s what he wanted to have—the ability to just leave these people behind in the dust.
He would have preferred an eagle, though, or some other bird of prey. He really wanted to go to Shiratorizawa.
But crow is good too. Karasuno is good too.
As long as he’s not a canine, as long as he doesn’t have to go to Aobajohsai, everything is fine.
*
He moves out of his parents’ house and into a nearby apartment. His parents pay for everything, and they say it’s for “convenience,” but he knows. It is very hard for them to be around him.
And, it hurts. Of course it hurts.
But going to Karasuno makes it all worth it.
*
“I thought Kitagawa Daiichi was a canine school,” Hinata says, after their initial confrontation, and Kageyama glares murderously no one ever asks the question again, although Tsukishima will continue to make snide comments about being King and elite.
No one questions why a crow went to a canine middle school, and after awhile it doesn’t seem like a big deal.
*
Here’s what Kageyama learns from Karasuno: that he was never meant for a pack, but just maybe he can function in a flock.
*
With Karasuno, there wasn’t that gaping chasm between him and his teammates, not like there was in middle school. But there’s a whole lot of things that everyone else seems to know what he doesn’t.
He doesn’t know how to ask, and it doesn’t really seem all that important, until Hinata.
Hinata is important. But. He’s also a question Kageyama doesn’t know how to ask.
*
The thing with Hinata—it’s easy.
Hinata said, “I’m here” and it was like a revelation. It was everything Kageyama had ever wanted to hear; said with such clarity it was like a carol of bells and Kageyama, who had notoriously never trusted anyone, suddenly felt like Hinata was telling the truth. From then on, he could fight with Hinata, train with Hinata, compete with Hinata; he could yell at Hinata and tell him to do better and demand the best results; he could be himself and Hinata wasn’t going anywhere.
Hinata was going to be there, not matter what, and that was the next important thing in Kageyama’s life. (After volleyball, of course, but that hardly needed distinguishing. Hinata was volleyball).
*
It doesn’t become a question until one day he has a very tense conversation with his parents.
This, in and of itself, is not unusual. Ever since he started shifting into a crow, all his conversations with his parents have been tense. Even though he’s moved out, even though he’s pretty sure they don’t want anything to do with him anymore, they still request that he has dinner with them once a week and it’s always terrible. His parents either rail against the injustice of it or try to fix things.
It’s always worse when they try to fix things, and now is one of those times.
“Tobio, I’ve been thinking, it’s really not too early to start thinking about a mate.”
Kageyama, despite the fact that he’s not currently chewing anything, still manages to choke anyway.
“I’ve been talking to the Oriha and the Mudou families, and you know, the Kageyama line is still a very prestigious line, despite…” she trails off. It’s been months now, and she still doesn’t like acknowledging the fact that her son is a crow. “Well, anyway. We should set up an omiai—”
“But they’re dogs,” Kageyama blurts out. “And I’m—not.”
“Right, well, as I was saying, the Kageyama line is still an important bloodline, and there are some people who’d be willing to…overlook things, to gamble on the next generation. We certainly can’t count on the excellent match we’ve been hoping for since you started middle school with someone of our own kind, but there’s no reason you can’t marry into a decent family—”
“I’m a crow,” Kageyama interrupts. “And I’m going to mate with a crow.” He shuts his mouth, mildly appalled by how close he’d come to saying, I’m going to mate with Hinata.
Huh. That was…new.
He can’t even properly marvel at this newfound revelation, because his mother’s eyes are glowing gold. “You listen to me, young man, it is bad enough that you have shamed this family with your disgraceful form, but if you think you’re going to taint this family line by giving me crow grandchildren—”
“You’re going to have crow grandchildren! You have a crow son!”
“Don’t be so selfish, Tobio,” his mother says.
He doesn’t know what’s worse—the way his mother yells, or the way his father says nothing at all.
Kageyama gets up and leaves the table.
*
He gets back to his own apartment and doesn’t get any sleep. He’s thinking about how he’s probably never going to see his parents again after this and he’s thinking about Hinata. It had seemed like the easiest thing in the world to assume he was going to marry Hinata, which is really weird, considering the fact that they’re not even dating.
Maybe he’d even consider marrying a nice dog shifter—give his mom the canine grandchildren she wants—except for the fact that he’s going to marry Hinata.
(There it is again—the utmost certainty that he’s going to spend the rest of his life with Hinata, despite the fact that they’ve never even talked about romance, never even shared so much as a flirtatious glance.)
Between thinking about his parents and thinking about Hinata he has a very restless night.
*
Somewhere in the early morning—still too dark to be considered day—Kageyama jolts awake and thinks, Holy crap, they wanted me to marry Oikawa.
That’s what his mom meant—the excellent match they’d been hoping for since middle school with one of their own kind—they meant Oikawa. He’s not sure why it had never occurred to him sooner, but in retrospect, that must have been their plan all along.
He has never been so glad that he shifted into a crow.
*
He can really only fixate on so many problems at once. He can’t do anything about his parents, but this Hinata thing seems like something he should do something about as soon as possible.
Except…except he has no idea how crows express interest in their mates.
At lunch, he slams his hand against a wall and looms over Hinata, glaring down at him.
“Wh-what?! Do you wanna fight?” Hinata says, bristling.
Kageyama scowls.
Faced with a defensive and bristling Hinata, Kageyama realizes he’s not entirely sure what he’s supposed to do. What did crows do?
“What?” Hinata demands again, edging away and raising his hands in a defensive stance.
This is just ridiculous. Kageyama takes a step forward and wraps his arms around Hinata, causing the other boy to yelp and struggle to get away.
“Dumbass,” Kageyama says, “Hold still.” He’s practically engulfing Hinata with his body, covering him with his scent.
With a particularly decisive wiggle, Hinata escapes. “You’re so weird! And creepy! Creepyama!” His skin is flushed, though, and he’s visibly flustered even as he runs away, so Kageyama figures this is at least a step in the right direction.
*
For canines, this key step was scent. Scenting someone was an indicator to the world that you were interested in that person as a potential mate. That way rivals would know either to back off or whom to challenge.
As Kageyama goes about systematically ensuring that Hinata smells like him, he can’t help but feel like this isn’t the progress he wants it to be. (Especially since Hinata keeps running away, and doesn’t cooperate when Kageyama tries to make him wear his tracksuit jacket).
The thing is, Kageyama figures he doesn’t really need to figure things out. Somehow, it just seems like a natural given thing that Hinata is his, or that he’s Hinata’s. Either way, it seems like fate. They belong together, and surely that’s something they both just know.
*
It’s quite possible that Kageyama would have missed the goings-on of his team (and, the whole school, really) entirely if Ukai hadn’t made an announcement during practice. (It’s not that he’s unobservant, exactly, it’s just that the behavior of his classmates isn’t really important to him, so he tends not to notice when they’re doing things out of the ordinary).
But coach does make an announcement, and that helps clue him in to a few things.
“OK, listen up,” Ukai says, gathering them all in front of him. Takeda stands behind him with his determined “teaching” face on, like when he told them all they had to pass their exams if they wanted to go to the training camp in Tokyo.
Ukai, on the other hand, is kind of red in the face and looks distinctly like he doesn’t want to be here. “So, I just want you all to know that I know it’s spring and all, and I know it’s a…distracting time—”
Tanaka and Noya snicker, only to be hit on the head from behind by the fists of their captain.
“—a distracting time,” Ukai repeats, glaring at them, “And for some of you, it’s going to be hard to concentrate, but we still have a tournament to prepare for, so I want you all to remember going into this that we’re all going to be a bit irrational, OK? So be nice.
“Also, I know it’s a waste of effort to tell you guys to control yourselves, but try to keep it at home, yeah? Keep your private lives private.”
“Yeah, Daichi,” Tanaka says, elbowing the captain in the ribs.
“Shut up,” Daichi says, although he looks faintly red when he responds.
In fact, a fair amount of the Karasuno team is blushing. Yamaguchi is bright red, with his gaze fixed determinedly to the floor. Suga is whispering something to Asahi, and the poor Ace looks like he’s in physical pain with how red in the face he is. Even Hinata looks uncomfortable by the discussion.
“Well, alright then!” Ukai says, clapping his hands and then rubbing them together. “Enough of that. Now get to practice.”
*
The thing is, he’s never told his teammates that he wasn’t born a crow and no one’s asked. There was that brief confusion over canines and Kitagawa Daiichi but no one ever pressed the issue and Kageyama didn’t volunteer any information.
He spent the better part of his life feeling like he didn’t belong, and he doesn’t want to do anything that might prove that he doesn’t belong here.
So all around, it’s just better to let people think he was born into a crow family, even if he’s very confused and has a lot of questions.
*
“Remember last year?” Nishinoya says, nudging Suga in the ribs. “And how you almost killed that First Year? That was amazing!”
“Oh God, don’t remind me,” Suga says, burying his face in his hands.
“What, Suga-senpai?” Yamaguchi says.
“It was spring! I was not in my right mind!” Suga insists.
“That’s kind of a pathetic excuse,” Tsukishima says. “We’re not animals, it’s not like we lose all control.”
“Watch it, First Year,” Tanaka says, ready to pounce, but Ennoshita restrains him.
“I am hardly the only one to ever attempt murder during courting,” Suga sniffs. “If you make it through the season without attempting homicide at least once, Tsukishima, I’ll personally bow before your superior control.”
“You have to admit, your takedown was spectacular even by spring standards,” Nishinoya says enthusiastically. “That one guy won’t even come a hundred feet of the volleyball court.”
“They still talk about it in my class,” Ennoshita offers.
“Oh god,” Suga says, resuming his miserable stance of burying his face.
“I liked it,” Daichi says, looking at the Third Year setter affectionately.
“I’m so glad I’m not courting anymore,” Asahi says fervently.
Kageyama is so busy desperately trying to follow along with the conversation, that he doesn’t notice the general awkwardness of the other First Years are going through, as they all pointedly look other places than their fellow Club members.
*
Kageyama figured it would be easy enough to just look up all his questions online, but it turns out that’s easier said than done. There are so many websites regarding the various “courtship rituals” of the shifter communities and they all say contradictory things. Kageyama knows some of these websites must have been created by shifters who were not crows and had no idea what they were talking about.
Before he shifted, the only thing he really knew about crows were that they didn’t care about bloodlines.
“Crows have no pedigree,” his mother had sniffed disdainfully. Which, really, only seemed like an enviable stance, from Kageyama’s point of view.
There had been rumors that crows were…incredibly liberal with sleeping around. That’s what people had said in middle school, anyway. Crows sleep with anyone, and don’t care about mating. But pretty much ever since he got to Karasuno, Kageyama knew that wasn’t true. Crows were definitely not as hedonistic as everyone said.
The most the websites agreed on was the idea that “crow courtship rituals take place in spring and many crows exhibit irrational behavior during this time.”
Kageyama wishes he knew what that mean, but he prepares for the worst.
*
All throughout middle school, Kageyama was accused of not being able to connect well with people, and he figures that’s probably true. Not a pack animal. He knows he’s never been good at understanding what other people are feeling, but he never fully understood just how oblivious he was to the emotions of other people until he realized just how many couples existed within the Karasuno volleyball team without him ever noticing.
It’s also somewhat embarrassing when it takes literally walking in on Daichi and Suga making out in the storage shed to clue him in to their relationship.
He’s only there long enough to register the entanglement of limbs before he darts back out, bright red with mortification.
Nishinoya immediately bursts out laughing when he spots him, “Daichi and Suga?”
Tanaka slaps Kageyama on the back after Kageyama nods his confirmation, “Congrats! Every year someone walks in on Daichi and Suga making out. Last year it was me.”
“In our first year it was me,” Asahi sighs. “We should have warned you. I just avoid the storage shed through the spring.”
“We’ll have to fix that,” Nishinoya leers, making Asahi blush.
“They’ve been together since First Year?” Yamaguchi says, sounding wistful.
“They were only courting our First Year,” Asahi corrects. “They made it official last year.”
“I never saw the point of a long courtship,” Nishinoya says, thumping his hand against Asahi’s back, “I saw what I wanted and I claimed what was mine!”
“You’re so manly, Noya!” Tanaka cheers as Asahi grows to positively unhealthy shades of red.
Which is how Kageyama figures out that the captain and the vice-captain are dating, and so are the Ace and the libero.
*
It doesn’t stop there, the madness is all over the school, and even Kageyama’s not oblivious to the fact that all his classmates are either pairing off or pining profusely. He’s been witness to at least three fights breaking off and heard of a dozen others, and he is so confused about what is happening at his school.
“God, I hate the spring,” he overhears one teacher tell another. “The kids are so unmanageable—it’s just hormones and melodrama everywhere!”
“I don’t know, I kind of miss it,” his other teacher says fondly. “The courtship rituals were so romantic—my husband never does anything romantic anymore.”
This would be one of those times where things would be a lot simpler if Kageyama just interacted with other people. He should confront these teachers and demand answers; they’d probably be understanding.
Kageyama doesn’t move.
*
“I got you a meatbun.”
Kageyama looks at the offered food and can’t help the inherent mistrust he feels. “Why?”
“I just did, OK? Do you want it or not?” Hinata bristles defensively.
Kageyama takes the meatbun, but he’s still wary. Ordinarily, he’d be thrilled by the fact that Hinata is offering him anything, but he also notices that Hinata doesn’t have any meatbuns of his own, and why would Hinata buy meatbuns for Kageyama and not buy any for himself? That doesn’t seem like Hinata at all. “Did you do something to this?”
“What? No! It’s an ordinary meatbun! I just—if you don’t want it, then fine, I’ll give it to someone else—”
Kageyama shoves the entire meatbun in his mouth, suddenly terrified at the prospect of someone else eating Hinata’s meatbun.
“Thanks,” he says, when it seems like it was a perfectly ordinary meatbun after all.
“Don’t mention it,” Hinata mutters.
And he seems almost…disappointed.
But Kageyama has never been good at understanding people, so he’s probably imagining that reaction.
*
“Oh my God, oh my God, Kiyoko-san,” Nishinoya says.
“Way to go, Yachi-san!” Tanaka says.
“Whoa,” Hinata says, “Whoa, congrats, both of you.”
Yachi is bright red, so red she’s practically radioactive, and she looks like she’s trying to hide behind her hands only she’s failing miserably at the attempts.
Largely because Kiyoko is standing right there next to her, one arm looped around her waist possessively. She has that same cool indifference she usually has, but somehow she also seems extraordinarily smug.
“Straight to official already? Kiyoko-san, you’re unexpectedly fierce!” Tanaka remarks.
Kiyoko just looks at him and says coolly, “I saw what I wanted and claimed what was mine.”
The answering jeers, catcalls, and shouts are high-pitched, loud, positively mob-like.
For the first time since coming to Karasuno, Kageyama feels like an outsider. He gathers that Kiyoko and Yachi must be dating now but he feels like he must be missing something everyone else understood right away.
*
“It’s so pretty,” Yamaguchi tells Yachi later. “It’s perfect for you, Yachi-san.”
“I know, right? It’s like a dream.” Yachi touches her hair, and Kageyama only then notes her hair-tie sparkles as the decorative ball at the end looks like it’s made from hundreds of tiny diamonds.
“You’re so lucky,” Yamaguchi says, sounding wistful. “I wish my mate—I mean, I wish I had a mate, so soon.”
“It’s so great, Yachi-san!” Hinata says. “Good for you!”
“I can’t really take any credit,” Yachi confesses shyly. “Kiyoko-senpai did all the courting; I could never be so bold.”
“Me neither,” Yamaguchi says.
“What? What’s wrong with you two?”
“Ugh, Hinata, don’t underestimate the faint-of-heart,” Yamaguchi says.
“I bet Hinata-kun wouldn’t have any trouble courting someone,” Yachi says. “You’re so brave!”
“Brave has nothing to do with it.” But Kageyama can tell Hinata is pleased, like he always is whenever someone praises him. “Of course I would court someone! There’s no point in waiting around.”
“Are you courting someone?” Yamaguchi asks slyly.
“Maaaaaybe,” Hinata draws out the word, looking shifty for a second.
They don’t know Kageyama can hear them. Kageyama has been shamelessly listening in, hoping for some answers. Now, he has to pull away, startled by the rage that sweeps through him at the thought of Hinata courting someone.
Someone that’s not him, that is.
He doesn’t like that at all.
*
“Do you think you’ll find a mate this season?”
“Hmm, I don’t know, we’re still young, I’m not sure I want to be tied down while I’m in high school.”
“But you can always just court someone! Courting is fun.”
“Yeah, but courting usually leads to mating. And I kinda always wanted to go to college in Tokyo, find a really sexy mate over there.”
“Not me! My parents mated young, and that’s what I want.”
Kageyama wishes the girls in his class would talk about something useful. He’s already feeling like kind of a creeper, sitting as close as he can and listening in on the conversation. But it’s the only way he can get any information, so desperate times call for desperate measures.
“Have you found someone yet then?”
A long, dramatic sigh. “No. My parents said they just knew instantly, isn’t that romantic? That’s what I want. But I haven’t really seen anyone and just known.”
Kageyama perks up. That sounds intriguing. It sounds a lot like how he felt about Hinata. He leans in a little closer, hoping she’ll clarify.
“Hey! What are you doing near Satou-san!”
“What?” Kageyama startles.
“What?” both the girls say.
All three of them look at the boy yelling at Kageyama (Midou? Mutou? Kageyama doesn’t pay attention to the people in his class).
“Do you think just because you’re some volleyball star you can do whatever you want?”
“What?” Kageyama says again.
“Mutou-kun, what are you talking about?”
“Him! He thinks just because he’s in some sports club he can do whatever he wants.”
“I wasn’t doing anything,” Kageyama says.
“Gah!” the boy launches himself at Kageyama.
*
Tanaka bursts out laughing when he sees Kageyama at practice. “Is our First Year getting into courtship fights now?”
“No!” Kageyama shouts hotly as Tsukishima snickers. “Some guy just attacked me for no reason!”
Even the girls had seemed confused by the attack, after the teacher had pulled Mutou off him.
“I’m so sorry, Kageyama-kun!” Satou said. “We’re not even courting! I don’t even like Mutou-kun! I have no idea why he acted like that.”
“God, there are limits to spring irrationality,” her friend sniffed. “And it’s not attractive, let me tell you. I never saw the appeal of having someone fight over me, have you, Satou?”
“Er,” Satou said. “Well. Definitely not Mutou-kun, that’s for sure. Sorry again, Kageyama-kun!”
Now, with a bruised face and a whole lot of confusion, Kageyama still has no idea what happened.
“That happens sometimes,” Daichi says sympathetically, clapping a hand on Kageyama’s shoulder. “Sometimes people feel particularly threatened by sports stars. You would not believe how many fights Asahi got into, before Nishinoya staked his claim.”
“I never wanted to fight with anyone!” Asahi says sadly. “I had to make sure not to stand next to anyone. People kept thinking I was going to steal their mates.”
“Ha!” Nishinoya scoffs. “Like you could ever be so bold.”
“Noya-san,” Asahi protests feebly.
“Must be hard to be a king,” Tsukishima says slyly. “Girls throwing themselves at you, boys picking fights.”
“Shut up!” Kageyama snarls.
“Poor elite King of the Court,” Tsukishima continues. “Everyone wants to be his mate.”
“That’s not what happened!” He hopes someone punches Tsukishima this season. If Tsukishima escapes this terrible time un-punched, Kageyama will know there is no justice in this world.
Hinata, Kageyama can’t help but note, isn’t participating in the teasing. Hinata isn’t saying anything at all.
*
“Here,” Hinata says, handing Kageyama a towel after practice.
“Thanks,” Kageyama says, wiping at his neck.
“Hey—hey, Kageyama, were you courting?”
“What? Of course not! The guy attacked me for no reason.”
“Hm,” Hinata says. Kageyama stares at him and is suddenly struck by the intense desire to kiss Hinata.
The longing intensifies so much that he’s reaching towards Hinata before he realizes what he’s doing. Horrified, he slams his hands down, and crosses his arms violently that he keeps them in a locked position around himself.
He wants to hold Hinata. He wants to push the other boy against the wall, wrap himself around him, and kiss every inch of him. The sheer amount of want is terrifying; he genuinely doesn’t trust his control right now. If he keeps standing next to Hinata, then he’s not going to be able to restrain himself much longer.
“Hey, Kageyama, do you want to go on a walk? There’s a park nearby, and I thought, maybe we could watch the sun go down or something—”
“No!” Hinata in a secluded park as it gets dark. If he does that, there’s no way he can stop himself from jumping him, and that could ruin everything. “No, that’s dumb.”
He storms off before he does something he might regret (and also, because he’s terrified that if he stays there any longer, it will be obvious to everyone just how much he wants Hinata, and that would be humiliating).
Cold shower seems like the only course of action.
*
Despite the fact that Kageyama is, and forever will be, glad that he’s a crow, he can’t help but feel like things would be easier if they were both canines.
(That’s a lie. If they were both canines, there’s no way Kageyama’s parents would have let him marry Hinata. Dear God, they’d been planning a match with Oikawa. So. All around. Much better not to be a canine).
But if they were both canines, then Kageyama would be able to smell whether or not Hinata was attracted to him. He could scent Hinata properly, and if Hinata scented him back then they’d both know it was mutual. Other canines would just know Hinata was his, and they’d back off, and he wouldn’t feel so jealous every time Hinata hung out with his classmates.
But surely they are on the same page, right? Surely Hinata knows Kageyama is interested, and it’s mutual, and they can just get married already because Kageyama is going to spend the rest of his life on the same stage as Hinata.
“—study?”
“What?” Kageyama says, realizing that Hinata had asked him a question while he was busy being distracted by how good Hinata smells and how much he wished Hinata smelled like him.
“You weren’t listening?” Hinata exclaims, sounding outraged and a little hurt.
Crap, Kageyama thinks, because he doesn’t want to admit that he’d been distracted by how much he wishes they were married. He tries to think about what Hinata had said—something about coming to his place to study. “No, it’s not a good idea.” He has his weekly dinner with his parents—which is definitely something he’d rather get out of, but if he tells them about Hinata, he’s terrified they might find out he plans on marrying Hinata (and surely, that is only going to lead to disastrous things).
“Oh,” Hinata says, his voice strange. When Kageyama looks at him again he freezes. Hinata looks so closed off—like someone’s flipped off a switch and it’s terrifying.
“Oi,” Kageyama starts, reaching towards him but Hinata pulls back.
“Yeah, OK,” Hinata says, smiling, and it’s the kind of smile you’d use on a stranger and all of the sudden Kageyama’s panicking.
“Wait,” he says, ready to admit he hadn’t been paying attention, admit how distracted he’d been by Hinata, admit just how obsessed he is with this boy, admit everything to close this growing distance.
“Some other time, then,” Hinata says, moving away. Kageyama wants to chase after him but he feels paralyzed, a gaping chasm in his mind, his time at Kitagawa Daiichi when no one was there and he was alone—
Hinata’s gone, and Kageyama, doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.
*
The mature thing, of course, would be to talk to Hinata. Sit down, say up front, “I like you, you idiot. Be my mate already.”
But Kageyama figures if he knew how to do that then his entire life would be very different.
So, naturally, the only thing left for him is to skulk around Hinata and eavesdrop on his conversations.
(It’s not like he’s trying to do this. He wasn’t planning on it happening, OK? It just does).
Hinata, Yamaguchi and Yachi are talking again, and Kageyama ducked behind the other side of the building when he saw them sitting by the wall. His hearing is a little better than the average crow’s because of his canine heritage, so it’s not really his fault that he can hear them perfectly from his hiding spot.
He wishes they would stop talking about Yamaguchi, though, and move on to more helpful topics, like Hinata.
“—really not going to start courting?” Yachi asks doubtfully.
“How can I? When he’s not making any kind of move,” Yamaguchi says, sounding close to tears.
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to make the first move?” Yachi asks.
There isn’t a response, but Kageyama figures Yamaguchi must have made some sort of skeptical face, because Yachi just says, “Yeah, OK, probably not, but—”
“He knows—he has to know what I want. And, I keep thinking he wants the same thing, but the spring is almost over, and he hasn’t instigated any kind of courtship ritual. And—it’s hard. Waiting. I think—I think I need to give up, I just—”
“Don’t say that! Maybe you should just try—you don’t lose anything by just trying right? You tell him, Hinata-kun.”
“No,” Hinata says, his voice thick and strange to Kageyama’s ears. “I think maybe Yamaguchi’s right. Sometimes trying is worse.”
“Hinata,” Yamaguchi starts.
“Hinata-kun, you… you didn’t—”
“I was rejected.”
“What?” they both exclaim.
Kageyama literally has to bite his tongue to keep a similar exclamation from escaping. What?
“No way!” Yamaguchi says.
“Are you sure?” Yachi says. “Maybe, maybe you just misunderstood.”
Hinata snorts. “No. I tried more than once. It was—it was pretty obvious. And I don’t know how many times I can keep being rejected by the same person before I go nuts.”
“Hinata,” Yamaguchi says again, his voice laden with concern.
“It’s OK. I shouldn’t’ve—it was dumb to keep trying. I just—I really thought—” there’s the sound of an exhale and then Hinata says, “It’s OK! I’ll be fine. It’s only high school, anyway.”
The forced cheer is painful to hear—Hinata is probably the most honest person Kageyama knows. Hinata doesn’t lie about what he’s feeling. So to hear him sound like he’s forcing a smile when he’s trying not to cry hurts so damn much, Kageyama wants to go over there and kiss Hinata everywhere.
He has to get up and run away, terrified of his own feelings. Because Kageyama isn’t just hurting—he’s overcome with his own intense rage, and if he doesn’t leave now, he’s not sure what he’ll do.
*
I was rejected.
The worst thing is, Kageyama doesn’t know who his enemy is. He wants to tear someone apart—if he had claws and fangs he would rip someone to pieces. But he doesn’t, so he wants to hit someone, again and again, until there’s nothing left of the person Hinata loves.
The person who is not him.
He has to skip practice altogether. If he sees Hinata, he might do something really crazy. Either kiss him, or demand to know who he loves.
I don’t know how many times I can be rejected by the same person.
Who? Who would reject Hinata? Who would dare? Kageyama would destroy this other person for no other reason than clearly, they are too stupid to live. He’s so angry, but there are too many things to be angry about: Hinata loves someone, who is not Kageyama. That person rejected Hinata. Hinata loved someone who is not Kageyama enough to confess multiple times, and that person rejected Hinata, multiple times.
All things considered, it’s a good thing he doesn’t have a name. If he had a name, there’s nothing that would stop him from hunting down his rival and destroying him.
(As it is, he’s already tortured by wondering who. Who is it? Someone in Karasuno? Someone in Hinata’s class? On the team? But Hinata is so popular; it could be anyone, anyone they’ve met in schools across Japan. Kenma from Nekoma, Aone from Date Tech. Everyone liked Hinata, which meant Kageyama’s rival could be anyone).
His own rage is terrifying. This isn’t the kind of person he is. (He blames the spring).
*
He absolutely does not want to see his parents tonight, and weather through the attempts to match him with some poor canine shifter trying to marry into the Kageyama name.
Yet he still goes. As soon as he steps his parents’ house, he immediately realizes that this evening isn’t going to be as bad as he thought.
It’s going to be much worse.
“Hello, Tobio-chan. Long time no see,” Oikawa says.
*
“Isn’t is lovely that the Oikawa family is here? We haven’t seen them in so long,” Kageyama’s mother says.
Kageyama, wisely, doesn’t say anything. He just sits there, stiff and uncomfortable, wondering if it’s not too late to throw himself off a bridge. (It seems like a much more productive way to spend the evening).
“It really is too bad…” his mother sighs, long and dramatically, solidifying Kageyama’s worst suspicions; they really had planned on marrying him to Oikawa.
(He is incredibly thankful the Oikawas are notorious snobs. They would never let their precious son mate with a crow).
*
“It really is a shame, I was looking forward to the beautiful grandchildren Tobio-kun and Tooru would produce.”
The only redeeming aspect of this horrifying statement made by Oikawa’s mother is the fact that Oikawa chokes and starts coughing violently.
“Still, Kageyama-san, there’s no reason to marry Tobio-kun to low pedigrees. I’ve been thinking, wouldn’t it be a nice thing for both families if Tobio married Hajime-kun.”
It actually takes Kageyama a minute to realize who Oikawa’s mother is talking about, but Oikawa understands right away.
“Iwa-chan is not marrying a crow,” Oikawa snarls, “And definitely not Tobio-chan.”
“Tooru! Don’t be rude. He’d be marrying a Kageyama, and really, there’s no reason to think that Tobio-kun’s…affliction would pass on to the next generation—”
Kageyama thinks that by now he knows Oikawa pretty well, and it’s actually kind of fascinating to see the other setter combat his own fury. Oikawa has never been the kind of person who loses his temper, and it’s so odd to see his rage now; cold and terrible.
“The suggestion is beneath you, Mother.”
“I don’t see why not,” Kageyama’s mother says, her own temper flashing hot in sharp contrast to Oikawa’s ice. “The Kageyama line is very distinguished. Yes, maybe I should contact Iwaizumi-san. I think she would be quite pleased at the prospect—”
“I am marrying Hinata.”
Kageyama’s growl tears through the table, stopping everyone. It’s the only thing that manages to derail Oikawa’s frosty anger, as he blinks and focuses on Kageyama’s first in surprise, and then amusement.
“Who on earth is Hinata?” Kageyama’s mother says, dumbfounded.
“Mine,” Kageyama snaps, and he gets up from the table and walks out the door.
*
“Tobio-chan!”
Kaveyama’s growl isn’t quite as impressive as it would have been had his canine genes bred true, but it still manages to cause Oikawa to pause in his tracks.
“I’m just extending my congratulations about you and Chibi-chan. You two make a cute couple.”
Kageyama scowls, and shoves his hands in his pockets, hunching down. “We’re not. Not yet.”
Maybe not ever, considering stupid Hinata is stupidly in love with someone stupid.
“Mm. You know, Tobio-chan, I never got the chance to thank you for shifting into a crow. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I didn’t do it for you!” Kageyama immediately shouts. Then the implications of what Oikawa said sinks in and he just blinks. “Wait, you knew our parents planned on us marrying?”
“You mean you didn’t?” Oikawa says incredulously. “It was so obvious! We were the only—”
“I know! I mean, I realized it later. But I didn’t know.”
“Oh,” Oikawa says. It’s such a strange oh that Kageyama doesn’t know what to do with it.
“Oh what?”
Oikawa shrugs. “I might have been nice to you, if I’d known you hadn’t realized. But probably not. I really didn’t want to marry you.”
“I didn’t want to marry you either!” He thinks it’s a strange statement. He’d never thought Oikawa had been particularly mean to him. No more than Oikawa was to anyone else.
“That’s certainly reassuring. Now, do us both a favor and mate with Chibi-chan, will you?”
Kageyama’s scowl reaches new levels of scowl. “It’s none of your business. It’s not like our parents will make us marry anymore.”
Oikawa’s toothy smile is a little too close to the baring of fangs. “That’s not why I’m concerned. At any rate, what’s stopping you? Chibi-chan obviously likes you too.”
Kageyama refuses to give Oikawa the satisfaction of asking him how he knows that. But Oikawa is his senpai, and someone Kageyama trusts to know things (at least about volleyball, which is really the only advice worth listening to) so he just mutters what he’s been too ashamed to admit to anyone, “I don’t know how birds court each other.”
“Are you kidding me?” Oikawa says incredulously, looking at Kageyama like he can’t believe the boy could be this stupid. “Then court him like a person, you idiot!”
Kageyama blinks. He opens his mouth to explain that it’s not that easy but then he shuts it.
Maybe it is that easy.
*
Mind you, he has no idea how people court each other. He’s not sure how you just go up to a person and say, I like you, especially considering Hinata likes someone else.
But he can’t help but feel like he’s running out of time. He has no idea why he thinks that; except for the fact that stupid Hinata is stupidly popular and anyone could ask him out at any given moment.
And it’s not like he can forget that Hinata repeatedly confessed to someone else, and that person was not Kageyama. It’s also particularly disheartening because Kageyama always assumed they were on the same page. He was sure Hinata knew how he felt. So he kind of resents the fact that he has to make his feelings known at all. (If they were canines, they wouldn’t have this problem).
But if by some chance Hinata doesn’t know, and someone else asks him out first, then Kageyama will spend the rest of his life angry and alone and hating himself.
So faced with that it seems like he’s got nothing to lose.
*
After practice, when everyone else leaves, Kageyama is determined to tell Hinata how he feels. Except the Karasuno team decides that today of all days, everyone should go to Ukai’s and buy meatbuns.
And Kageyama isn’t backing out of this, but he’s certainly not going to make any kind of confession in front of Tsukishima. (And yeah, OK. For various other reasons it would be equally humiliating to confess in front of Yachi, or the captain, or the Second Years, or anyone, really, but Tsukishima. There’s no way Kageyama’s going to confess his feelings anywhere near that guy’s smirk).
He’s not backing out, but he also isn’t expecting how sick he feels. He’s always yelled at Hinata (for being such a dumbass) whenever he gets sick before a game because it’s so far removed from anything he’s ever felt playing volleyball. He’s never understood Hinata, or Yamaguchi, or even Yachi, who would describe being sick with nervousness.
But now his stomach is turning so badly he’s sure he’s going to throw up at second. Yamaguchi hands him a meatbun and it takes every last ounce of willpower not to hurl right then and there. The thought of putting anything in his stomach right now is too horrifying even to contemplate. He tears the meatbun in half, as if it might be more appealing in smaller amounts, but it doesn’t work.
“Where’s yours, Yamaguchi-kun?” Yachi asks.
“They ran out,” Yamaguchi says with a shrug. “It’s fine.”
“Here,” Kageyama says, extending half of his meatbun, wishing Yamaguchi had spoken up sooner since it’s not like Kageyama is going to eat right now.
Except Yamaguchi snatches his hand away before the meatbun can pass to fingers, causing the food to drop to the ground, wasted.
“Oi,” Kageyama starts, except everyone is staring at him, wide-eyed, and Yachi even gasps, putting her hands to her mouth.
“Kageyama!” Yamaguchi exclaims, blushing bright red. “I didn’t—! Hinata, I didn’t—”
Seeing Hinata causes Kageyama to stop in his tracks. The boy looks gutted.
For half a second, Kageyama’s gaze meets Hinata’s, and the two just stare at each other. Kageyama’s voice catches in his throat and stays there, unsure. Hinata breaks the hold and runs.
Kageyama begins to move on instinct—he’s never seen Hinata look like that before, like something is broken; and Kageyama has this intense fear that if he lets Hinata run away, he’s going to lose him forever—except someone stops him.
Tsukishima punches Kageyama right in the jaw.
*
Except for a few scuffles with Hinata, Kageyama isn’t ordinarily the kind of person who gets into physical fights. (And Hinata doesn’t really count. Hinata is the one exception in many ways).
But when Tsukishima punches him it’s like something in him snaps. All of his frustration and confusion and longing for Hinata just overflows and the most convenient outlet for his suffering is right here hitting him so Kageyama pounces on Tsukishima. Kageyama’s not even sure what he’s doing; it’s just fists everywhere and never has he felt less like a crow. He wants to rip out someone’s throat, anyone’s throat, it doesn’t matter who.
“Stop it, stop it!” Suga, Daichi and Nishinoya move to grab Kageyama while Tanaka, Ennoshita and Asahi restrain Tsukishima.
“Knock if off, you two!” Daichi commands. Tsukishima swears (which is not something Kageyama has ever heard him do before) and Kageyama just growls, low and inhuman.
“Kageyama,” Daichi says, yanking at the back of his collar, “What the hell?”
“He attacked me!” Kageyama howls at this outrage.
“Yes, but—” Suga starts.
“If he goes near Yamaguchi, I’ll kill him,” Tsukishima says, still struggling against Tanaka’s hold. “Who does he think he is?! Yamaguchi—”
“We’re not courting.”
Yamaguchi’s quiet voice is the only thing that manages to successfully freeze Tsukishima in his place. All of the sudden, it’s like Tsukishima remembers who he is, and what he’s doing, and the fact that this is so wildly out of character for him. Tsukishima looks like a cat who has just been squirted in the face with a water bottle.
“Tsukki, we’re not courting, you don’t—you don’t have any—” Yamaguchi’s hands are shaking, “And if you wanted to be courting, you should have done something yourself.”
“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima starts, looking so profoundly embarrassed that the last of Kageyama’s rage begins to leave and he relaxes against the hold of his captors.
“I didn’t think—” Tsukishima starts and stops.
“That you’d have any competition?” Yamaguchi says, sounding supremely bitter.
“No, that’s not—” Tsukishima doesn’t finish, though. He just stands there looking like someone who profoundly wishes the earth would open up and swallow him whole.
“Look,” Daichi says, interrupting the awkwardness like a saving grace, “You’re all on the same team. If Tsukishima and Kageyama both want to court Yamaguchi, then—”
“What?!” Kageyama yelps, whirling on his captain. “I don’t want to date Yamaguchi! I want to date Hinata!”
“Woo!” Yachi cheers, but then slaps her hands back to her mouth when everyone stares at her.
“Whoa, dude, not cool,” Nishinoya says. “That’s mean to Yamaguchi.”
“I don’t want to date Kageyama either,” Yamaguchi says quickly.
“Yeah, but he shouldn’t court you if he’s not being serious,” Nishinoya insists.
“I didn’t,” Kageyama exclaims.
Even Daichi looks disapproving. “We all saw you.”
“And anyway, if you wanted to court Hinata, why did you reject him so many times?” Yamaguchi says reproachfully. “That’s just cruel.”
“What? I never did!” Kageyama thinks this must be what insanity feels like. The silence that follows stretches on forever.
Finally, Tanaka coughs. He scratches the back of his head and everyone looks at him as the only source of sound during this entire awkward conversation. “Kageyama, I’ve been sorta wondering for awhile now, but, uh, were you maybe…not raised by crows?”
Kageyama flushes. In a way, it’s almost a relief to have it out there. “No. I’m an anomaly.” It’s like the entire crowd suddenly has an, “Ooohhh,” moment.
“So you are a dog!” Nishinoya says triumphantly.
And Kageyama thinks maybe he should have left it there but he feels like it would be too much a lie. “No, my parents are wolves.”
“Like Oikawa?” Yamaguchi yelps.
Kageyama scowls, ignoring the awed faces around him “Yeah. Like Oikawa.”
Their reactions are understandable—wolves are incredibly rare in Japan, and the few wolf shifter families still around were from very old, noble, usually rich families. Kageyama knows why they’re all staring at him like this, but it makes him uncomfortable, which in turn makes him very irritable.
“That explains a lot,” Tanaka says. “It kinda seemed like you were trying to court Hinata the way predatory mammals do.”
Kageyama feels his cheeks burning.
“How do you know how predatory animals court?” Nishinoya asks, vaguely suspicious.
“Er,” Tanaka says.
“So you didn’t mean to reject Hinata-kun?” Yachi asks Kageyama urgently.
“No,” Kageyama says vehemently. “I never—when did he even—”
“For awhile now,” Yachi says, and she’s blushing too, as if vicariously absorbing some of Kageyama’s embarrassment. “Sharing food, watching the sun set, nesting as someone’s house—those are all things crows do to court each other. There’s also buying flowers and of course, the sparklie—Kageyama-kun, you really didn’t know?”
“How was I supposed to know?” Kageyama demands.
“Well. You could have just asked,” Suga says.
“That’s not—never mind all that! I need to find Hinata!” He takes off running. He’s already wasted enough time.
*
The most obnoxious (and best) thing about Hinata is his natural athletic ability. This is usually a quality that Kageyama admires greatly—he loves watching Hinata in action almost as much as he loves watching the shocked expressions of their opponents when Hinata pulls off something particularly impressive.
But now, all it means is that he can’t catch up with Hinata. He spends hours looking for the other boy before it finally occurs him to just call but then Hinata doesn’t pick up and Kageyama almost breaks his phone in frustration and dismay.
He even shifts to his other form to try looking from the air. He caws until his voice wears out, but Hinata isn’t anywhere.
*
At about midnight, he shows up at Yachi’s apartment.
Yachi’s mother is not happy.
“Kageyama-kun?” Yachi says, yawning through the question. “What are you doing here?”
“I can’t find Hinata.”
“He’s not here,” Yachi yelps.
“I know,” Kageyama says.
“I mean—I mean, he’s probably at his place, right?”
“Right, I know,” Kageyama says. He runs a hand through his hair. He knows he must look incredibly disheveled and possibly insane. “I just thought—I thought maybe you could help me.”
“Oh,” Yachi says. “Well, yes! Of course! I’ll do anything! I mean. I kinda already texted him to explain things.”
Kageyama swallows. That must mean Hinata knew everything, and was still avoiding Kageyama. That… wasn’t good. “OK. Thanks. But. I thought maybe you could answer a few questions I had? About—being a crow?”
“Yes, absolutely!” Yachi says enthusiastically. “I can help you with that! I’m a crow! I’ve been a crow all my life! I know all about being a crow!”
*
The next morning, Kageyama doesn’t want to waste any time, so he just marches straight into Hinata’s classroom before school starts.
“Kageyama!” Hinata jumps at the sight of him. “What are you—”
“Shut up, dumbass,” Kageyama says, and he shoves a bouquet of sunflowers at him.
“Kageyama,” Hinata says, blushing.
“Not done,” Kageyama says, taking out a meatbun and viciously biting into it and then shoving the rest in Hinata’s mouth. The surprised boy eats it almost automatically, eyes wide.
Kageyama bends down to his bag to take out a fleece blanket he brought from home and wraps it around Hinata, like a nest.
“Stop,” Hinata says, blushing. “This isn’t even—you’re not doing it right!”
“I’m not wasting any more time,” Kageyama says, and then he takes out a keychain from his pocket. It’s a volleyball made out of sparkling rhinestones and he spent hours this morning looking for it. He puts it in Hinata’s hands, and lets go quickly so that Hinata has no choice but to hold it.
“Kageyama,” Hinata exclaims. “The sparklie doesn’t come until after courting!” He tries to give the keychain back. “Something shiny is for mates.”
“Right. I’m skipping ahead,” Kageyama says. And then he just entirely abandons reason and grabs Hinata by the collar to thoroughly kiss him. The kiss is forceful, almost like an attack, and Kageyama’s no sure he’s kissing right but he knows one thing: this kiss is a challenge.
And Hinata never backs down from one of Kageyama’s challenges.
Hinata’s classmates start cheering when Hinata drops the flowers to grab Kageyama back and kiss him with equal intensity. He doesn’t let go of the keychain, not through their entire exchange of heated kisses.
“OK, OK, class needs to start, Hinata-kun—” Hinata’s teacher says.
“Consider yourself courted,” Kageyama growls when they break apart. “And be my mate already.”
Through the hooting and catcalls of Hinata’s classmates, Kageyama hears Hinata saying, “Idiot. If you didn’t know how crows courted you should have just said that from the start.”
“I’m saying it now,” Kageyama say. And they’re kissing again, and they don’t stop until Hinata’s teacher hits them both over the head with a stack of papers, muttering, “God, I hate the spring.”