Chapter Text
Abby was a terrible liar. When they were escaping and Ellie begged to at least spare the doctors she felt that Abby had no intention whatsoever of doing that. Ellie hoped that her insistence or at least her presence would make Abby doubt long enough so that Ellie could stop her from killing them if they ever encountered them. But Ellie also felt Lev staring at her the whole time, maybe if Ellie tried something funny he would stop her. Ellie was more nervous about Abby than about all the military in the area. Luckily they never crossed paths with the doctors when they were escaping. Ellie really didn't like thinking about what would have happened had that been the case. She couldn't help but think about how elusive Abby had been when she had tried to make her swear she wouldn't hurt them. It reminded her so much of Joel. Abby might not appreciate the comparison but she was just like Joel in so many respects. She was distant, efficient and strong, like Joel was but she had a soft side that only with time one could know. She was an attentive and protecting parent figure for a kid who hadn't been born from her but that didn't matter at all. Lev didn't take Abby's bullshit, just like Ellie hadn't taken Joel's bullshit. She had no doubt that, if necessary, Abby would destroy entire cities for Lev. Part of Ellie had a feeling that Abby had similar inclinations in regards to Ellie and the thought scared her but not only because of how destructive that could be but because Ellie couldn't understand why Abby would feel that strongly about Ellie. It would be so ironic, considering their history, that Abby would be that invested in protecting Ellie of all people. It didn't make sense now that they had achieved what they set out to do: bring Ellie to Tampico and let people take samples from her. She should just stop being so intense but Abby was still very protective. When they got caught in the ship Abby was so furious when one man grabbed Ellie's arms that she threw one guy towards him but then many others came and subdued them. It was pure luck that Ayulia helped them, then things seemed to improve. Ellie didn't understand why Abby was still behaving like this but at least no one tried to kill them despite what had happened.
When they were released, assigned a room and Lev had finally fallen asleep, exhausted from how bad the trip was for him, Ellie decided she had to talk to Abby.
"Hey” Ellie said
"Hey, you ok?" asked Abby
"Yes, we're lucky”
"I guess we are”
"May I ask you something?”
"What?”
"Why did you do that? Why did you throw that man?”
"I was defending us”
"We're in a boat Abby and I don't know about you but I don't know how to use this thing, we need these people”
"But they could have hurt us, I thought he was hurting you”
Abby seemed so sincere in her worry about Ellie's safety, it was hard to chastise her for being over the top.
"I understand your concern… but had we killed everyone in this boat, then what?”
"Well, we didn't, did we?" said Abby, almost sheepishly but not quite
"No”
"So, what's the big problem?”
"I'm just concerned about you, you react too harshly all the time”
"I'm trying to protect us”
"I know but… I just don't get why”
"What do you mean why?”
"We accomplished the mission, we got there, they took samples from me, that was it”
"Aren't you forgetting that I promised to bring you back? You think so little of me that my word means nothing?" asked Abby with barely hidden fury
"No" replied Ellie taken aback "that's not what I mean at all”
"Then what do you mean, Ellie?” asked Abby
"I just… I don't understand... that you want to protect Lev is normal, expected but… I'm just…” Ellie lowered her eyes and then rose them again, tentatively, almost shy under Abby's very annoyed stare "I mean I don't hate you… I think of you as a friend even but… why risk so much for me? As you said yourself, you were risking your lives by doing all that you did”
Her thoughts were in disarray for some reason but she knew she wanted to ask this question. What was she expecting to hear from Abby, though? What could Abby tell her about this that could change anything between them? Abby puzzled her. She was looking at Ellie attentively and seemed to ponder every word that came from Ellie's mouth with utmost care. Ellie bit her lip, anxious to hear a reply.
"It's what I said I would do, I said I would bring you back and one way or the other I'm doing that" replied Abby, matter of factly
At least she seemed no longer annoyed but that was a reply that said nothing to Ellie. Before Ellie could continue asking Abby gave her back to Ellie and laid down to sleep. Ellie released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. She felt deflated but in a way she had expected this type of reply. What could Abby say anyway? If her word was so important to her then that must be it. Ellie laid down and stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Even then, she was startled when Abby spoke again.
"For the record, I don't hate you either, you… you are a friend to me too, an important friend" whispered Abby
Sudden happiness overcame Ellie and she smiled in the darkness like an ass. Abby was still giving her back to her but she fell asleep soon after that. It seemed like saying that was difficult for Abby so Ellie didn't want to spoil the moment with something silly. It was nice being on friendly terms with Abby again. The following days they were back to their normal behaviour and Ellie continued making stupid jokes that amused Lev and to which Abby responded with feigned exhaustion. In time she even got along quite well with the Canadians. Ellie felt slightly confused. Abby definitely cared about Lev and she could be very warm at times. As days passed Ellie started to believe that maybe she had imagined things and maybe Abby didn't really want to kill the people at the lab. It would have been absurd, after all the shit they had been through to then ruin any chances for a vaccine like that. Ellie told herself that she must have been wrong. Specially considering Abby's history, she was the daughter of the first doctor who ever attempted to make a vaccine, for fuck's sake, she knew how important this was not just for Ellie but for everyone! No, there must have been a mistake in how Ellie saw things, Abby was intent on restoring society, that was why she had joined the fireflies. No way she would do that, right?
As days passed Ellie began talking with the Canadian crew, in particular with Claire, a black haired girl who played the guitar. Since there was not much else to do, Claire taught Ellie one song and Ellie taught Claire another. It was challenging because the song Claire taught her was in French so Ellie had to make an effort about the pronunciation. Claire had mentioned that the original singer was also named Claire and had explained the lyrics to Ellie. The more she learned about how to pronunciate and play this song the more she thought about the lyrics. And the more she did this the more she became convinced she had absolutely no reason to go ahead with Abby's plan. Why the hell should they part ways? Abby was important to her now, so was Lev. They were family, she did not agree with the original plan anymore and so she sang the song to them and told them what she thought. But however much she insisted Abby said no. She left the room, incensed and ready to fight someone. Then she regained her calm. The problem wasn't that Abby had not forgiven Ellie, the problem was that she hadn't truly forgiven herself so Ellie would insist in other ways. She needed to convince Abby she had forgiven her. So she tried telling her repeatedly, in jokes and also seriously that she held no grudges, that she wasn't trying to lure her to her death, that she cared but the more she did this the more Abby held stubbornly to her original plan. Lev also remained unconvinced. He kept saying that Abby would be in danger there.
Ellie was getting very frustrated. She had no idea what she could say to convince Abby and she was also frustrated that her insistence on this topic was souring the limited time she had with Abby and Lev. Yet she couldn't help herself, she wanted to find a way to convince her but she just didn't know how. One night she was borrowing Claire's guitar, to distract herself from that frustration and also to try and write some new songs and experiment with the tunes when she remembered a song Dina liked. Without thinking much about it, she just started singing and playing it, wondering if Dina would have had a better idea that could convince Abby and Lev to go and live with them. She was singing this song when someone entered the room. She looked up and saw that someone was Abby. She was holding a book in her hands and looking at Ellie in surprise.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt”
"No, it's fine, this is also your room. I know it bothers you" said Ellie referring to her singing
"What? No, your singing and playing doesn't bother me…" Abby bit her lips and then added "actually… I think it sounded really lovely
"Did you like it?”
"I did… uhm… do you want to continue?”
"Sure”
Ellie didn't need to hear that twice. She started playing and singing and continued with the song.
I was down and out
I was twisting down
The vine for you
In between and out
You could have seen the light
Shining just for you
On my way back to you
Through the thick and thin
I would pull for you
On my way just for you
But I was only
Falling Backwards, now
On my way back to you
Falling backwards now
On my way back to you
But I don't think i'll get too far
Without gravity
But I don't think i'll get too far
Without you and me
Abby looked pleased when Ellie finished.
"That was beautiful. You are really talented”
"Thanks, Dina loves that song”
"I see" said Abby looking down "she truly has great taste in… well, everything”
Ellie felt a shiver down her spine at her tone. What did Abby mean by that?
"Did you perhaps sing that to her when you were trying to win her back?”
Ellie blinked and was surprised at Abby's guessing capacities.
"I did, how did you know?”
"I think… had I been her I would have also taken you back”
As Abby said that she slowly moved her eyes upwards from the floor until she met Ellie's eyes. The way Abby was looking at her and what she had said made Ellie blush. Now it was Ellie the one who looked down. The intensity in that stare made Ellie feel as if there was not enough air in the room anymore and her heart started beating faster.
"I'm sure she will be happy to have you singing for her again. She's lucky to have you”
Ellie looked at her in surprise.
"What? It's true”
"It's just…”
Ellie had her doubts about saying or not what was in her mind. She didn't want to lie to Abby but after the incident, when she heard Ellie sing that song Joel had taught her, Ellie had tried to not mention him. But she felt as if she were lying to Abby.
"It's just… Joel said the same to me long ago, I guess anyone who cares would say something like that, right?”
"I guess so" said Abby
For a few seconds they remained in a strangely calm silence. Neither seemed too awkward which was progress, compared to the sourness that the quarrels they had been having lately had left them with.
"I like the way you sing and play, I just don't want you to use it to try and convince me of changing something I have already decided" clarified Abby
"Oh. I see… what, are you afraid I can actually make you change your mind?" wondered Ellie, jokingly
Abby just bit her lower lip and observed her in response. There was such vulnerability in that stare, the kind that Ellie hadn't seen in Abby before. Ellie had the feeling that the answer was yes but that Abby would end up resenting her for it too.
"Ok, I won't try and weaponize art then, I promise" said Ellie, forcing herself to smile a bit, trying to look her tamest
Abby chuckled but she still looked a bit sad.
"What is it?" asked Ellie
"I just thought that only you could be that deadly to be able to use music as a weapon" confessed Abby smiling
Ellie had to laugh at that, despite how sad she still felt. She just couldn't accept what Abby had decided to do.
"I have one more thing to ask. You should just drop the issue. I won't change my mind”
"But-”
"Ellie" interrupted Abby" just don't”
"So that's it, I won't ever see you after this?" asked Ellie
A fear crept in her belly, a loss so big she felt she was going to cry right there in front of Abby. It was absurd but she could not bear the thought of never seeing Abby, of never talking to her anymore, of never being around her. Ellie anxiously waited for Abby's reply. Abby just looked to the side, sighed and seemed to think about this.
"Where did you say your farm is?” asked Abby
Relief washed over Ellie and she took the map again and showed to Abby where it was.
"If I promise we'll visit one day, will you drop this?” wondered Abby
"It's better than nothing" conceded Ellie
"Well, so I promise one day we'll visit you” stated Abby
Ellie smiled satisfied. If this was the best she could get, she would take it.
"I would like that" admitted Ellie
"Good…" said Abby then she looked at the guitar in Ellie's bed "you know, despite what I said... all that doesn't mean I don't want to listen to you”
"Ok”
"If you want to play I mean”
"If it truly doesn't bother you”
"It doesn't”
"Even if it's a work in progress?”
Abby smiled and this time her smile had no hint of sadness.
"So… you write your own songs too?”
Ellie felt herself blush again and somehow found that talking was difficult so she nodded instead. Abby's smile widened
"I would love to witness the process. I promise not to laugh”
Ellie swallowed and smiled a bit after that. Although the nervousness and heavy feelings were gone after that, Ellie realized the tension between them was different now. She couldn't quite put her finger on what exactly it was but from that day onward there would be times when Abby and her would just look at each other for longer than normal and Ellie would feel an ache in her heart that she just couldn't understand. However, they managed to have fun together again. She tried to focus on enjoying whatever time she had left but in those moments when they would just stare at each other it was really hard to just enjoy her company. Some part of her wanted more and Ellie was not sure what that meant.
Eventually, they arrived in Canada, then they immediately left for Jackson. Ayulia had said they didn't know who Ellie was and that she didn't plan on telling them. It was true that during the time she was in her glass cell, no one had visited her except Abby and Lev, so these Canadians had never seen her and did not know she was the immune person. However, they didn't want to take chances anyway so they preferred not to remain there, just in case Ayulia changed her mind.
It had been a year and a half and Ellie could not believe her eyes. Her home was there, Jackson! She sighed in delight and looked at Abby and Lev and felt slightly sad. She had not managed to convince them and they had decided they would go back to Quebec. Ayulia told them that Ellie’s samples and the research were going to be distributed as far as Sonia and Lucia could make them, because it turned out they were indeed trying to get as many people working on a vaccine and the larger the group of people working on it the better chances they had. The camp in Quebec over there was big and the doctors believed that they could make their own vaccine. Abby had made several copies of the papers doctor Lucia gave her and kept them with her in case she saw other doctors to whom she could give these notes. On their trips they had encountered other Fireflies, some that did not know who Abby, Lev or Ellie were. Abby had gone to them alone, had lied about her name and she had given to them the samples and the notes and briefly told them it was from the group in Mexico. When these people asked them where they were she was headed to she lied and said Denver. Then Abby, Lev and Ellie made sure they lost track of these guys and left them.
Lev and Abby had made peace with the idea of moving to Canada but Ellie felt bad she could not convince them that the choice to live with her in Jackson was the better option for all. She also felt sorry that she couldn’t make people forgive Abby and Lev, and that they would not be received happily when they had gone through so much to bring her back home. Ellie believed they deserved to be received like heroes but knew that was not going to happen, especially since the vaccine was still being developed and so basically she had returned empty handed. At least she was in one piece this time. She had talked about going back to her farm and told them that maybe in the future they should visit her there. Abby did not seem at all convinced but Ellie still explained to them where it was anyway. After that Ellie had to say goodbye to them and go back to Jackson alone.
"Well, I guess that is it then" she said, slightly sad again "this is odd but I think I will miss you two”
"I will miss you too" said Lev honestly
"I won’t miss your stupid jokes" stated Abby, desperate to lighten the mood, it seemed
"Excuse me, mine are far better than yours and I least I have a sense of humor" joked Ellie
"Sure you do" mocked Abby crossing her arms.
They were massive but Ellie liked them now. She wondered briefly if she could miss Abby hugging her with them. She had so seldom done that. Who would have thought? The sight of Abby would now bring such different feelings to Ellie than what she had felt before all this happened.
“
Well, I can’t say how thankful I am, I just" words were failing her so she went to hug them both.
Again Abby seemed reluctant to react but then she caressed Ellie’s back and somehow that felt so good it made her shiver. Then Ellie broke the hug, looked at them, waved and then left.
Go back, the thought came all of a sudden when she was already several steps down the hill, convince them to come with you, go back! .
Ellie turned and looked up at them. She had no new ideas, no new reasons, no new arguments why they should come with her but why did she feel she should convince them? Her heart was beating faster than normal and she just wished she knew what to say to make them come with her. They had already discussed it many times and every time the result was the same and Ellie had to give in in the end. She felt it was painful to let them go but however much she thought about it nothing came to her mind. They would probably get shot in sight. Abby mentioned in particular that would be the case with Tommy, she had told Ellie how deadly his aim was and how he had killed Manny. Ellie had argued he was not the same but Abby had remained unconvinced. It was not a good idea, they had to go now, go somewhere else. So instead of trying to convince them with the same wasted words she just waved at them once more and they waved back.
Convince them!, the thought came back. Ellie swallowed.
"Come with me" she begged
Her voice was too low and Abby and Lev stared at her with confused looks.
"Come with me!" Ellie said, louder this time
Abby sighed and shook her head.
"You know we can’t" admitted Abby sounding tired
"I’m sorry Ellie, you will have to go back alone" agreed Lev
"I will vouch for you, I will make them understand" insisted Ellie
"We can’t go with you, Ellie, we have talked about this" said Abby, exhausted
Ellie remained there and hated that she had nothing new to say. Wanted so much to be able to just say something that would make things different. She just bit her lips and sighed, frustrated with her own self and the whole situation. Without thinking she went back to them fast and hugged them both once more. She hugged them as strong as she could and said nothing. This time Abby hugged her strongly too. Then Ellie turned and went back to Jackson. She had held her tears as best as she could and only released them when she knew they could not see her. Bittersweet feelings overcame her, she should be ecstatic but she felt she was leaving something important behind. But Ellie continued and the nearer she got to Jackson the happier she felt and she tried to convince herself that parting ways with Lev and Abby was the right thing to do.
She was received with joy and surprise, they had all thought she was dead. Maria looked at her as if she was a ghost. She just held her and touched her face. Ellie asked about Dina and JJ and Maria herself decided to take her to Dina's home. Maria told her she would want a full report of what the actual fuck happened in two days or so.
Maria knocked on the door and when JJ opened the door he screamed of happiness at seeing Ellie. He just jumped to her arms and cried. Ellie hugged JJ and could not believe she was finally hugging her son after such a long time. Then Dina came to see what the noise was all about and she just dropped the microphone she had been working on and ran to Ellie. When Ellie saw her it seemed time stopped. Damn, she was the most beautiful sight ever made in this world. Ellie cried when Dina hugged her and then pulled back and kissed her. When Dina kissed her she felt that everything she had gone through was in another life, this moment alone was her life and her happiness summarised. It was all she needed. Dina kissed and they hugged for so long JJ started complaining. They both hugged him and she went to their home. Maria waved goodbye and left.
"I can't believe you are here" exclaimed Dina touching Ellie’s face
"I can't believe I'm finally seeing you, touching you, it's just unreal, you have no idea how many letters I wrote to you”
"Really?”
"Yes, everyday”
"I want to read them later, now let's feed you”
"Yes, please" agreed Ellie smiling
Ellie and JJ played the entire day and he spoke without end about what he had done all that time and Ellie listened happily while Dina and her laughed. After JJ went to sleep Ellie told Dina everything that had happened with as much detail as she could. Dina was particularly interested in the story of the sex dungeon. That discussion lead to the most explosive sex they had had in some time since they had been back together. They started imagining putting the mirrors at their room in the farm and what they could see. Their ideas and imagination alone made Ellie start to feel wet and she started kissing Dina. At the beginning it was just a simple kiss but then her hunger caught up to her and she lost herself in Dina’s lips and scent. She wanted to consume her, lick her, kiss her, swallow her whole. She had missed her so much, every fucking day she had been apart Dina had been in her mind and she just wanted all of her right there and then. And Dina yielded to the kiss but she also seemed consumed by a similar hunger and so Dina straddled her and slowly, painfully slowly she removed her clothes and then helped Ellie remove hers. As she uncovered herself Ellie kissed her everywhere, her lips, her ears, her neck, her shoulders, her nipples, her arms, even her fingers, every part of Dina received Ellie’s attention but the more she kissed the more she wanted from her. So she pushed Dina down and took her pants and her underwear at the same time and then kissed Dina’s belly. Ellie went down on her, licking, kissing and sucking until Dina was screaming with pleasure. She made her come once, then twice then five times or even more, fucking her with her fingers and tongue, unable and unwilling to stop. But Dina had other plans and then she flipped them until it was Dina the one on top, now ravenous with lust, and she fingered Ellie while she kissed her, making her squirm, pant, moan and cry from pleasure as she peaked so many times she just did not care to count. Ellie lost sense of time and space, the world reduced to Dina, the feel of her, her mouth on Ellie’s, Ellie's mouth everywhere, their bodies and hands, there was nothing in this whole universe but Dina and her. They fucked until it was morning and only stopped because someone knocked at their doors. Before dressing up and trying to look decent they stole kisses and laughed, they just were incapable of stopping, their hunger for each other was insatiable. They were both exhausted but neither regretted anything. JJ was looking at them suspiciously but did not comment. They tried to remember to be less loud the following night.
That afternoon Robin came to visit and celebrate that Ellie came, then he had the great idea to invite JJ to sleep over at his place that night. Dina and Ellie thanked him although JJ was not so convinced, he wanted to play more with mama Ellie. So they did that until it was night and then JJ was happy to go with grandpa Robin. The second they closed the door and left Ellie and Dina were all over each other again and ended up fucking right there in the living room, then in the kitchen and then everywhere they could. With every kiss, Ellie tried to express how much she had missed her and felt that Dina understood and attempted to do the same. Ellie felt Dina's need and urgency perfectly matched hers and was glad that Dina had not only waited for her but that she still loved her. All was fine again now that she was back in Dina’s arms. Ellie was happy, incredibly so but somehow she still felt she missed something important.
After that Ellie showed her the documents Abby had copied and they brainstormed that night on what to tell Maria. In the end they decided to tell her the whole truth. Maria was shocked but understood why they did what they did and said they needed to think of a way to tell this information to the rest but without mentioning the source of all, that was Ellie. So they told the rest that Ellie had been kidnapped and taken and sold to the group far south and in there she had met the doctors who were making the cure and that with the help of other people she managed to escape. Ellie decided it was best to let the people at Jackson know that the ones who helped her were Abby and Lev. Many did not take that kindly and had a hard time believing that that woman had any good bone in her body but others said in this strange life sometimes you make do with whoever can give you a hand.
Tommy was obviously upset that Ellie did not take the chance to kill her but Ellie said that without Abby she would not have made it back. Ellie knew that he would need a lot more sessions with Raquel to be able to forgive Abby and let that go but she hoped one day he would be able to do that.
After a couple of months they had all ready and moved back to their farm. They agreed they would take JJ from time to time so that he could see his classmates but they would try to mostly teach him from home and reinforce with the teachers at Jackson when needed.
Dina showed her all her notes and Ellie did the same, she showed her drawings too and talked about the plans for the future. Ellie and Dina were finally back at their farm, their heavy loads and pasts behind them and new plans ahead. Ellie promised Dina she would never leave now, there was no reason to and although she had all the reason in the world not to, it seemed Dina believed her.