Chapter Text
There is nothing Minhyuk loathes as much as morning.
Waking up is the worst part of his day. From the point his alarm starts blaring up until he leaves his apartment, it's a rush to get ready. Shower, get dressed, eat. It sounds simple enough.
Jooheon makes it infinitely harder.
It's not Minhyuk's fault the other man looks so adorable dreaming underneath his sheets though. The morning light just hits his hair at the perfect angle to make it glow, and his skin is soft and warm against Minhyuk's own. It's too comfortable to leave.
It's not Minhyuk's fault that he loves so easily.
*
It goes a bit like this:
Minhyuk meets someone. He finds them interesting, funny and cute. He spends time with them. He falls in love.
Then they started asking things. Sometimes it starts small: a meal, a movie, drinks at a bar. Sometimes they skip all pretense.
And Minhyuk, blinded by his love of loving people, gives them whatever they wish for.
After a while, they leave.
Minhyuk's heart takes another hit.
*
Kihyun has scolded him for it, again and again, ever since they met in high school. Sometimes Minhyuk feels like he hasn't grown up at all since then. Kihyun still looks out for him and bruises his ego in the same breath, and Minhyuk is still that stupid kid crying over unrequited love.
*
This time will be different, he thought. This time, I won't be left heartbroken.
He met Jooheon at a club, you see, the younger man already five shots past being drunk. He didn't bother asking for Minhyuk's name or what he did or where he was from. He only asked for a favor. And Minhyuk, at the end of a hellish week, had felt so incredibly lonely that losing himself for an hour or two in a stranger seemed like a good enough idea.
But here's the thing: beneath the laughter and the jokes and the money, Minhyuk likes to believe he is a decent person. Once he got Jooheon outside and talking, slurred as it was, Minhyuk couldn't lay a finger on him. Which an increasingly incomprehensible Jooheon protested, because a deal was a deal.
Minhyuk sent Jooheon home with his number and no expectation to ever hear from him again.
But then he did.
*
All of this is Minhyuk's own fault. He knows it is. He could have made Jooheon leave without his number. He could have refused to answer the phone, or hung up once he realized who was on the other side of the call.
But a single night out didn't alleviate Minhyuk's bad mood or his loneliness. And Jooheon was very, very attractive.
*
As it turned out, a sober Jooheon was not only attractive, but also a lot of fun. Fun to tease, fun to talk with, fun to sleep with. Jooheon talked about music with stars in his eyes, sucked at videogames but knew the most random facts about superhero movies. He spoke of his pets like they were his children, told stories of his friends and family with a voice smooth as honey. He reacted so beautifully to Minhyuk's touch.
Despite the warning signs, Minhyuk fell.
*
Minhyuk is very well aware he isn't easy to love in return. He's clingy and loud, too busy and unpredictable. He has heard a plethora of reasons over the years. It's not as if Minhyuk is always the one getting dumped either—sometimes it just becomes too difficult to ignore it's not him people love.
It's hard to tell what Jooheon is after though. He propositioned Minhyuk for money, accepts some gifts but refuses those he finds too extravagant. He drops other plans to spend time with Minhyuk but still insists on going to his part-time job.
Jooheon looks sincere when he smiles at him.
So had the others.
*
Sure enough, Jooheon starts pulling away. He says it's for class, he says it's his job. Maybe it is. But Minhyuk doesn't trust easily these days.
He sulks until Kihyun hangs up on him and Hyungwon actually bothers to leave his house for something other than work. They waste the afternoon with videogames and an amount of snacks no model should be eating. In times like this, Minhyuk realizes how valuable his friends are, few as they may be.
Though it's delivered with more tact and dry humor, Hyungwon's advice has always been as solid as Kihyun's. It makes sense. If Minhyuk is no longer happy with an arrangement, he should change or break it. He has no obligation towards other people. He doesn't belong to Jooheon or anyone else that only wants his money.
But he really likes Jooheon. That's the problem.
Jooheon doesn't belong to him either.
*
The day Minhyuk realized he had made a mistake was about a month into their deal. Between work and his parents' disappointment, Minhyuk had had a fairly terrible day. He needed distraction from his own thoughts. He called Jooheon over.
Jooheon, who showed up looking like he hadn't slept in three days. Jooheon, who had stopped to buy pizza for the two of them on the way to Minhyuk's. Jooheon, soft, pretty Jooheon, who accepted Minhyuk's kisses and his bites and his frustration.
Minhyuk had called him over to fuck, because that was how this was supposed to work. Jooheon wasn't supposed to give Minhyuk worried looks. He wasn't supposed pretend he cared. Minhyuk remembers dozing off afterwards and regaining consciousness to the sound of unfamiliar music—played softly, ever so softly—and Jooheon's fingers playing with his. It was the first night Jooheon slept over and stayed past noon the next day.
Over lunch, Jooheon told him about the class project that troubled his nights the past week and apologized for overstaying his welcome a dozen times. On the tip of Minhyuk's tongue were the words 'Please stay as long as you like.'
He bit his cheek and kept quiet. And maybe stole a few more kisses than he should have when Jooheon left.
He slipped a couple of bills into the other's pocket to make up for it.
*
He makes another mistake.
Minhyuk didn't mean to invite Jooheon over for his birthday—his actual birthday, not the party he had organized the weekend before or the one he would be having with his family much later. But Kihyun is still abroad and Hyungwon is working and any other person Minhyuk calls a friend might as well be a ghost.
Excuses aside, he just wants to see Jooheon again. The distance hurts.
*
"Huh, someone's eager."
Jooheon isn't wrong. He's lucky Minhyuk managed to drag him to the bedroom before latching onto him, honestly. Patience is a virtue that doesn't exist for love-struck fools.
Minhyuk unbuckles Jooheon's belt and shoves a hand inside. He grins against his neck. "You know me, always straight to the point."
"I don't mind," Jooheon's moan turns into a chuckle. "Nowhere else I have to be today. All yours."
Minhyuk pretends the statement doesn't make his stomach clench with longing. He swallows and hides behind another smile.
"Good. Because I have plans."
Those plans start with biting kisses and the frenzied discarding of clothes. He asks Jooheon to prepare himself to hide the fact his hands won't stop shaking. Minhyuk doesn't trust himself to be thorough enough when he's this on edge, but neither does he want to slow down.
The minutes spent watching Jooheon spread himself open are torturous. Even when he slides inside, time stretches into eons, narrows down to the points where their bodies clash and words have lost all meaning. His movements feel too slow and too fast all at once, with only Jooheon's arms around his shoulders as an anchor point.
He barely gives Jooheon time to catch his breath afterwards before he coaxes him to open up again, makes him shudder and tense and scream his name. Minhyuk wonders if this is what it feels like to go delirious.
He puts his lips against Jooheon's skin and slinks down and down and down, and it's fine that he can't shower Jooheon in his usual praises like this. He can tell him in other ways.
He can rake his nails over Jooheon's thighs, knead the supple flesh in the palms of his hands as Jooheon cries out again and arches his back. He can relax his throat and swallow and listen to Jooheon's breath hitch. The sounds coming out of his mouth are obscene but all he can focus on is how Jooheon's grip on his hair shifts with each move of his tongue.
He indulges in Jooheon, again and again.
It's alright, Minhyuk tells himself. It's his birthday. This can be his gift.
It's not what he truly wants, but that's alright.
It's close enough.
*
Minhyuk's original plan falls through, as his plans with Jooheon tend to do.
They need to leave the bed for food eventually, and then sex and banter in between gets replaced by watching movies from the comfort of Minhyuk's couch. It's way too large for two people, but Jooheon pulls Minhyuk to his side like he wants to hold him there forever.
It's doing things to Minhyuk's poor lovesick heart.
This is the thing he craves most. The teasing and the flirting and closeness. Jooheon's body next to his, their conversations in the space between.
They fall asleep entwined from head to toe, so close that there's no way Minhyuk won't notice when Jooheon tries to leave.
*
The part Minhyuk doesn't expect is Jooheon waking him up. It's either late in the evening or already nighttime, because the sky outside his windows is pitch-black flecked with city lights. He groans and closes his eyes again.
Jooheon shakes his shoulder. "Come on, time to wake up, you lazy ass."
Minhyuk swats at Jooheon's hands, but the other is oddly persistent. "Joke's on you," Minhyuk mumbles into the cushions, "I don't have an ass."
The hand on his shoulder slides down to pat his butt. Jooheon snorts. "Sure you do."
"Don't try to flatter me," Minhyuk yawns. He pushes himself upright and wipes a hand over his face, hoping it'll help him wake up more. Jooheon is looking at him expectantly, still in his boxers and a hoodie and nothing else. Weird. Is he planning to stay the night?
"You're really not gonna bring it up, huh?" Jooheon asks.
Minhyuk isn't sure what he is talking about. "Bring what up?"
Jooheon leans over the side of the couch, reaching into the bag he had deposited there earlier. It isn't strange for him to bring it along, but it's the first time he pulls out something that is distinctly not his phone or schoolwork.
It's two small boxes, wrapped in sparkly red paper and a ribbon on top.
Jooheon pushes them into his hands with a mischievous grin. "Happy birthday. It's time I give you something for a change."
Minhyuk can feel his brain shut down. At a loss for words, he turns the small presents around in his hands. Jooheon is still talking.
"It's not much, but I tried to get something you'd like."
The first package Minhyuk opens contains a USB drive, bright yellow bees-and-flowers pattern printed on its plastic. Thankfully, he manages to find his voice again.
"I'm assuming it's something on the USB, and not the actual USB itself?"
Jooheon has already grabbed the laptop from the coffee table and hands it over. "Correct!"
While he connects the USB and clicks on the only file it contains, Jooheon leans against his back to watch along. Minhyuk barely notices the pressure of Jooheon's chin digging into his shoulder. He's too distracted by the melody that's filling up the room.
It's a song, soft but upbeat, light enough to be relaxing but not enough to be boring or repetitive.
"I worked on it alongside my class project," Jooheon explains, "You seemed to like the bits of music I showed you before. You can have this one."
"And the other box?"
"Ah, well..." Jooheon clears his throat. "I felt silly only giving you something as intangible as music, so."
Minhyuk pries the next box open and is greeted by a silver-and-blue metal glint, looping into delicate patterns. It's a necklace.
It's—
"I figured you liked whales, since half the decor in your bedroom consists of them."
"Yeah, I like them. I—" He chokes on a laugh. He can feel his voice wobble. "I really love it."
"I'm sorry. I know it's just some cheap trinket but—" Jooheon pulls away. Minhyuk grabs a hold of his wrist.
"No Jooheon, I love it, I really, really love it." He takes a deep breath to steady himself. His chest feels so tight it might really burst if he doesn't get the truth out now. "I think I'm in love with you."
Jooheon's arm jerks in his grip. Minhyuk has trouble looking him in the eye.
"I'm sorry," he continues, "I know you don't care but then you do or say things like all of this and I couldn't help myself, alright? I meant every compliment I ever gave you. You're so nice and amazing and you love animals and get scared so quickly it's hilarious, and I honestly don't know what I can give you to make you stay."
"You're serious?" Jooheon sounds a pitch higher than normal. "You're not just saying this to fuck with me, right?"
Minhyuk shakes his head, heart hammering in his throat. "We already fuck, Jooheon."
"This isn't the time," Jooheon shoves him lightly. His ears are red. "You were right before, you know. I'm not that hard to please."
Minhyuk finds that difficult to believe. "Nothing I offer you ever made you want to stay."
"That's not true."
"You practically ran away when I suggested taking you on vacation."
"Why did you even assume I wanted to go to Hawai'i?" Jooheon exclaims, exactly as exasperated as he had weeks before.
Minhyuk shrugs. "It was worth a shot. I thought it'd be fun to spend time with you."
"Then just tell me that, instead of throwing money at me. I know it's probably my own fault, what with how we met but—" He breathes out, and in again. Minhyuk's eyes follow the rise and fall of Jooheon's chest. "I meant it, you were right before. When you said I love having your attention, the affection. Not just the physical kind, but how you listened to my worries about Gucci when she got sick, when you showed interest in my music and were honest about what parts you did and didn't like."
His words trail off. Silence stretches for a moment, then two.
"You really want me to stay?" Jooheon's voice is barely audible.
So is Minhyuk's.
"Yes. More than anything."
"Then just ask. Don't try to give me stuff, don't try to bargain. For once, just ask for what you want, clearly and upfront."
Minhyuk is afraid he might cry if this tension carries on for much longer. He takes another risk.
"Please," he begs. "Stay."
Jooheon leans in to kiss him slow like the crashing of waves. Minhyuk drowns under the onslaught.
He reigns Jooheon in by the hem of his hoodie, drags him down until their bodies line up. There's hands roaming under his shirt, pulling him up enough to slide it off.
Back-and-forth, push-and-pull, they move together until their heat mingles.
If their tryst earlier was the result of Minhyuk's melancholy, then this is his elation taking over. Jooheon gave him a song. Jooheon paid attention to what Minhyuk liked. Jooheon is still here, still willing. Jooheon likes his clinginess.
Jooheon likes him.
He smiles into their next kiss, broad and real and Jooheon responds in kind. They grapple through muffled laughter to get Jooheon's clothes off as well, playful in ways Minhyuk had sometimes been scared to show before. This side of him that isn't seductive or suave or professional.
The side of him that's only him.
It doesn't matter that he doesn't stay collected, that he doesn't think every move through. Jooheon still trembles when he calls him beautiful and flushes scarlet when he tells him he loves him over and over. The smile never leaves his lips, and Minhyuk feels like he's floating.
The best part comes afterwards, in the giddy afterglow of not-really-unrequited-love.
The best part is when Minhyuk says "I love you," Jooheon says, "I love you too."
And Minhyuk starts to believe it.