Chapter Text
Jeongin is sitting on Jisung’s couch, and he’s on his fifth please pay attention to me and allow me to complain sigh, but neither of his friends have even given him a piece of mind.
Probably because they’re both resisting the urge to makeout.
He can see it in their eyes. It’s an evil look. The way they look at each other is actually so sickening and horrifying because what do you mean that they are actually in love? How? How do they do that?
Jeongin is not new to love. He is not new to crushes, or to dates, or to situationships, or to whatever the fuck is his current love life! Okay, he’s been trying for the past five years of his life—even when he tried to convince himself that he was straight all throughout middle school. It was a rough time—and nothing has ever happened because Seungmin has always been in the way of it all.
Felix and Jisung have been dating since eighth grade.
And Jeongin isn’t jealous.
He’s so not jealous.
Matter of fact—he doesn’t even care. Cool. They’re dating. Good for them. They’re in love. They have their person. They’re going to be together forever. Probably going to get married.
He’s just…
“Quit eye-fucking each other!”
Jeongin slams a hand over his mouth. He did not mean to say that, but it is the truth, unfortunately.
The two snap their heads towards him and jump away from each other. After a moment of staring at each other, they all burst out laughing.
Jeongin runs his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, but I just feel left out.”
“What, will a threesome make you feel better? We’re open,” Jisung smirks. Felix smacks his shoulder.
“What? Ew— No!”
“Ew?” Felix scoffs, and if Jeongin didn’t know any better, he’d think Felix was actually offended. “I mean, I was gonna say no, but why are you saying no?”
“He just wishes Seungmin was here to eye-fuck,” Jisung teases. Jeongin’s mouth falls open before pointing an accusing finger at Felix.
“You told him?”
“You know that I can’t keep secrets from him!”
“Well, for the record, I think it’s cute,” Jisung hums. “You and Seungmin, I mean.”
Jeongin groans, falling back onto the couch and letting his head dangle off of the arm rest. Jisung’s basement is freezing, but his mom is weird about them hanging out in his bedroom—not like Jeongin wants to, Jisung’s room is practically 99% instruments and one wrong step and you kill a poor violin—and he shivers violently.
“Aww, are you cold? Do you want Seungmin’s hoodie?”
“Shut up, Jisung!” Jeongin shouts, throwing a pillow at him. Jisung catches it with a cackle, cuddling it close to his chest before lowering himself to lay down to have his head resting in Felix’s lap. Felix immediately puts a hand in Jisung’s hair, running his fingers through the strands, and Jeongin promptly rolls his eyes.
Jeongin exhales sharply. “Do you know how bad it is?”
“No, and I don’t really care,” his voice is muffled from his face being against Felix’s legs.
“Horrible, Jisung. It’s horrible!”
“Why’s it—” Felix begins, and Jisung groans.
“Don’t ask him, Felix, or he’ll tell us.”
“—Horrible?”
Jeongin huffs. “Because, he’s—”
“Let me guess. He’s Minho’s best friend and you can’t possibly date him because all hell would break loose if Minho ever found out? And, because I know you well enough to know that you’re horrible at decision making, you’re probably going to try and date him and Minho’s going to lose his shit and you’re going to destroy any and all friendship between Minho and Seungmin permanently?"
Jisung takes a large, deep breath after his speech, and Jeongin blinks at him. “Um. Yeah. That pretty much covers it.”
“Let me make this very clear,” Jisung sits up and looks at Jeongin directly. Jeongin wants to squirm under his gaze—Jisung’s eyes are dark and intense, and Jeongin doesn’t know how Felix is constantly living under his gaze. “This is the plot to any and every shitty romcom out there, and it never goes well.”
Felix furrows his eyebrows and looks at him. “You watch romcoms?”
Jisung holds his hand up. “Not the point. The point is that you better let this shit go, because this isn’t a romcom where everything ends happily and beautifully. This is your actual life, and you’re going to fuck everything up.”
“I can’t believe you never told me you watch romcoms…”
“Do you?”
“Of course I do! How is this the first…”
Jeongin falls silent as his friends talk, the sound of their voices becoming background noise to him. Is Jisung right? Will he fuck everything up? He’d always assumed his crush on Seungmin was nothing—that it’d fizzle away, that it’s not that serious. But maybe it is.
He wants Seungmin. Carnally. Like. Actually wants him. So fucking badly. So badly that it consumes him, that it consumes his life. He can never stop thinking about Seungmin, and not even in a cute haha I have a crush on him! I want to twirl my hair and giggle (though… he does do that)! Kind of way. In a way that feels suspiciously like—
Holy shit.
Is he in love?
***
“How.” Type. “to.” Type. “know…” Type.
Jeongin sticks his tongue out as he types on his computer, his elbows digging into the scratchy carpet of his floor. He’d left Jisung’s house three hours ago, and the question had been wavering in his mind the entire time.
Is he in love? With Seungmin?
That’s weird. That’s so freaking weird. In the four years that Jeongin has had… feelings for Seungmin, he’s never once considered love. Love is something that happens in books to people who actually have requited feelings, not Jeongin. And why the hell would his heart choose Seungmin of all people?
Seungmin is. Well. Seungmin. He has nice hair and plays baseball and is Minho’s best friend and is incredibly infuriating. Yes, despite the fact that he makes Jeongin’s brain go all hazy and dumb, there have been so many times that Seungmin has just been purposefully annoying. So many times he’s tried to irritate Jeongin for literally no reason at all. And so why is he so content with the idea of being… in love with him?
Love is a strong word.
Jeongin thinks what he feels for Seungmin is strong—which is probably the worst part/
“If.” Type. “You are.” Type. “In lo—”
Jeongin’s door slams open so suddenly that Jeongin damn near throws his laptop across the room with how fast he closes it. He sits back on his heels, frowning at Minho. “What?” He asks, hoping his tone is sharp and that his brother can’t tell how much Jeongin is blushing.
“Were you texting Seungmin last night?”
Jeongin stiffens up. Logically, he knows he’s done nothing wrong; he’s allowed to text whoever the hell he wants to text. But he wasn’t really planning for it to go back to Minho.
Jeongin isn’t scared of Minho, necessarily. Minho can just be a real big pain in the ass, especially when he’s upset over something. And something about Minho is that he gets upset. Easily. Way too easily. Seriously, his anger problems need some serious fixing up.
He doesn’t really understand why Minho is so angry all of the time. It’s gotten worse over the years, and as horrifying as it is to admit (because Jeongin has been trying to keep up the front of I don’t really care about Minho up), sometimes Jeongin is worried about him.
“Um. Yeah,” he finally responds, tapping his fingers rhythmically on his thigh.
Minho scoffs. “Why? Like— I’m not even trying to be an asshole, but you guys aren’t friends.”
“He texted me first,” Jeongin shrugs. It’s true—last night, once Jeongin had gotten home, Seungmin had texted him; it was innocent enough, just asking if he was okay (God, Jeongin cannot believe he had cried in front of Seungmin. Genuinely humiliating), and Jeongin simply. Responded.
Sure. They talked a bit more, but it wasn’t anything bad. It was just friendly.
Friendly.
Ugh.
Minho’s eyebrows furrow, “he texted you first?” He asks.
“Uhhh… Yeah?” Jeongin draws out the clear confusion in his voice. “You already know that I only text Seungmin for rides, or whatever.” It’s difficult to hold himself back, honestly, but he doesn’t want to ever text Seungmin something embarrassing like “hahahahaahh I have a big crush on you, wanna date????” and then it immediately gets back to Minho.
Point proven because of what is happening right now.
“Huh,” Minho breathes out. He’s staring at a specific spot on Jeongin’s wall, like he’s completely zoned out.
“...Yeahhh. Huh,” Jeongin fake laughs, trying to clear the awkwardness in the air. It doesn’t work. “...Is something wrong?”
“Maybe. Can I see those texts?”
“Uh. Why?”
Minho makes a show of rolling his eyes before walking over and crouching down to Jeongin. “Just show me them.”
Jeongin hopes that he isn’t blushing as he willingly hands his phone over; it’s not like he and Seungmin were talking about anything embarrassing, or like Jeongin confessed his love over text, but Jeongin kind of. Poured his heart out. Ranted a lot. Called Minho practically every damn name in the book.
He cringes when he sees Minho’s eyebrows raise while he reads. Yeah. He definitely saw the names.
“You speak so highly of me,” he murmurs, and Jeongin gives a shaky laugh in response. Minho looks up, smiling, before shaking his head like it was all fun and games, and not like this was in response to a very real fight they had.
That’s the strange thing about Minho: He gets so mad so easily, then doesn’t care about it the next day. He hates ever talking about stuff, especially stuff that upsets him. It’s a good thing but also, like, it’s bad. Jeongin doesn’t think that it’s very healthy.
“That fucker,” Minho grumbles suddenly, and Jeongin’s eyebrows raise in surprise. Literally not even a minute ago, he was smiling and laughing. Now, suddenly, he seems… very pissed off. Jeongin tries to rack his brain over what they might’ve texted about that upsetted Minho, but it was genuinely all innocent. “I can’t believe him!”
“...What?”
“He lied to me!” Minho exclaims, huffing out in exasperation. He stands up, shoving Jeongin’s phone back into his hands. “Bye. Thanks.”
“Wait, Minho—”
Before Jeongin can even finish his sentence, his door is shutting, though much more gently than it had been opened. Jeongin frowns, unlocking his phone to read back through the texts. What did Seungmin lie about?
He bites the inside of his cheek and thinks back to what Jisung had said earlier. “You’re going to fuck everything up.” He’s been trying not to think about how much it hurt to hear that; how bad could having a crush possibly be? Jeongin isn’t stupid, he knows how to deal with it all, but lately it’s felt different.
Maybe he’s crazy, or just delusional, but he swears that Seungmin has been acting strange around him, too. Looking at him more, speaking to him more, just… acknowledging Jeongin more.
Or, Jeongin is just going insane.
That’s probably it.
He stares at his phone a minute more before shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. Then, before he can talk himself out of it, he quickly types out a message.
Jeongin
Um so Minho just came into my room and like totally freaked out about something you lied about I guess
Do you know what he’s talking about?
The response comes so fast Jeongin almost gets dizzy—he didn’t even get to throw his phone across the room in embarrassment.
Seungmin
??
Wdym
Jeongin
He was just like “did you text Seungmin” and I said “ya but he texted me first” then he asked to read the texts then said you lied about something
Just wanted to
Like
Let you know
Cuz he’s probably gonna freak out at you anytime now lol
Seungmin
Oh
Okay
Thanks
Jeongin
Wait what was he talking about
What’d you lie about?
Seungmin
Don’t worry about it
Jeongin
But
He leaves Jeongin on read after that, and Jeongin frowns. He hates that nobody ever tells him anything. LIke, okay, sure, Minho and Seungmin might get a pass because—like Minho said—they aren’t friends, but Jisung and Felix never tell him shit either. Jeongin always has to find stuff out himself, which just sucks; why doesn’t anyone trust him with information?
If he were saying this to Minho, Minho would respond with “because you have a big ass mouth and can’t keep secrets.”
Jeongin doesn’t think that’s true. Hell, he kept his crush on Seungmin a secret for four years. He can keep secrets just fine!
***
Four days have passed since all the weirdness that’d gone down with Minho and Seungmin, and unfortunately for Jeongin, he believes that he is back at square one when it comes to Seungmin.
Not like he’d ever even gotten to square two, maybe like, square one and a half, but right now, things are just normal. He’s only seen Seungmin once, and that’s when he’d come over to hang out with Minho—they seem to be fine now. They were laughing and messing around and being their usual selves.
And Seungmin has yet to give Jeongin a single piece of mind.
Honestly, Jeongin didn’t know what he expected; what, because Seungmin comforted him once over text, that meant the guy was in love with him? He should’ve known that he was being delusional about the entire thing, as per usual.
It’s well past midnight on a school day once again, and Jeongin is awake. Once again. His sleep schedule has been fucked lately, unfortunately for him, because it’s actually nearing the part of the school year where tests and assignments are more important and worth more. He couldn’t really care less, though.
Jeongin’s parents had gone out of town on Sunday, so it’s just been him and Minho alone in the house for the past two days. It’s actually much more chill than one would imagine. They mostly just stay out of each others’ way unless it’s asking what the other wants for dinner.
Weirdly enough: it’s been peaceful.
Minho has been peaceful. Do you know how utterly wrong that is? He hasn’t been an absolute prick, he’s been actually chilling with Jeongin when they both get home from school—he’s even sent Jeongin TikToks. That’s just… not supposed to happen. Like it’s actually just weird.
Hence why right now, Jeongin’s shoulders are tense with anticipation, but nothing is happening. He and Minho are sitting across from each other in the living room, the TV volume on low as it plays a show neither of them are really paying attention to unless something actually important happens.
Minho has a soft smile on his face as he texts on his phone, and if Jeongin wasn’t insane, he’d think that Minho is even… blushing.
What.
A smile makes its way onto Jeongin’s face before he can help it; who was Minho texting? Why was he smiling about it? Did he have a crush on someone? What—
Just before Jeongin can open his mouth to ask any of his million questions, there’s a sharp knock on the door. He flinches, whipping his head towards the sound—it’s nearing one in the morning, who the hell is knocking? But Minho beats him to it.
“Come in,” He calls out, not looking up from his phone. Another sweet laugh comes out of him, and Jeongin bristles; something is probably very wrong if he’s laughing.
The door opens gently, and before Jeongin knows it, four people are walking into his house.
At one in the morning.
Awesome.
“Yo,” Hyunjin says, lifting something Jeongin can’t quite see from how dark it is. “I brought beer.”
Oh okay cool.
Jeongin turns his head towards Minho. Since when does he drink? Before literally any party Jeongin has ever been to, Minho always tries to be a textbook-cliche-overbearing older brother by warning Jeongin not to drink or take anything. It’s not like Jeongin needs to be told that—he’s not dumb—but damn he should’ve known that Minho is a hypocrite.
Like he could read Jeongin’s mind, Minho groans, gesturing at Jeongin. “Seriously?” He asks Hyunjin, rolling his eyes. “Literally why would you say that in front of him?”
“Why would you invite them at one a.m.?” Jeongin counteracts, his voice a hiss.
“I thought you’d be asleep by now!”
“Nah, Jeongin’s chill," Hyunjin grins, flopping down on the couch next to Jeongin. He ruffles Jeongin’s hair harshly, just like Seungmin always does, until Jeongin swats his hand away. “He doesn’t care. Right, Jeongin?”
“Right,” He mumbles, shying away from the touch. He isn’t really all that into sudden physicality. “Um, I’m gonna go to sleep—”
“Oh, you can stay!” Chan pipes up. “We don’t mind.”
Minho furrows his eyebrows, gesturing with his hands like he was silently trying to express ‘what the fuck.’ “What is with my friends and wanting to talk to Jeongin lately?”
“Probably because he’s cooler than you are,” Changbin shrugs.
“And nicer,” Seungmin adds, walking back from the kitchen with a water bottle in his hands. He takes a seat next to Jeongin—not as close as Hyunjin did, who is literally fidgeting with the hem of Jeongin’s hoodie (Jesus, that man is into touching. It doesn’t look like Jeongin is leaving any time soon), but still. Next to him.
“And—”
“Okay, I get it,” Minho rolls his eyes. “You all hate me and I should just kill myself.”
“I don’t hate you, if it’s worth anything,” Chan smiles dumbly at him, and his tone sounds so genuine that for a moment, Minho looks at him like they’re the only people in the room.
“You guys know we have school tomorrow, right?” Jeongin asks, gesturing towards the four—except for Seungmin, who is quietly sipping on his water—drinking literal alcohol. At one a.m.. On a school night. On a Tuesday, nonetheless.
“Senior ditch day, darling,” Chan hums. Jeongin’s face heats from the pet name—it’s not unusual, Chan is always calling him something like that, but. Still. Minho, on the other hand, seems to stiffen after Chan calls Jeongin that.
Hoping that Minho can’t see him staring, Jeongin looks at how he and Chan are sitting. Their bodies are close—too close to be anything platonic. They sit with the closeness that Jisung and Felix do: bodies curling into the other like a perfect fit, Chan’s arm thrown over the couch cushion with the tips of his fingers dancing along Minho’s shoulder, Minho’s body being slightly tilted to fit almost against Chan’s chest but not quite, like he’s scared of going too far.
Ohhhhhh my God.
Are they dating?
That makes so much sense now that Jeongin thinks of it, actually. The way Minho smiles whenever he’s texting on his phone; the bright, unfiltered laughter Jeongin can hear whenever Minho is FaceTiming Chan; how Chan somehow always manages to “forget” his jacket here, and Minho is wearing it for a week straight.
Jeongin frowns; he can’t believe Minho didn’t tell him. He knows that they aren’t exactly… very close, but Jeongin almost always shares if he’s talking or dating someone. Does Minho really not trust him that much?
The brush of hair against Jeongin’s neck jolts him out of his thoughts, and he glances down to see Hyunjin’s head resting on his shoulder. He blinks once, then again, trying to figure out if it’d be rude to shove him off.
Across from them, Changbin bursts out laughing. “Jinnie, you’re scaring him. Why are you lying on him?” Honestly, It doesn't freak Jeongin out; he just gets a little uncomfortable whenever anyone touches him. Hyunjin has always taken an odd interest in Jeongin, even when they were kids and Hyunjin and Minho honestly didn’t even like each other but were just mutual friends.
Hyunjin is nice to Jeongin. He helped Jeongin out with an art project last year and got Jeongin an A, so Jeongin doesn’t really mind this. In his mind, it’s just Hyunjin being Hyunjin. Always latching onto anybody available to him. It reminds Jeongin of how Jisung acts.
“He’s comfortable,” is all Hyunjin mumbles as a response before burrowing further into him. “And warm. Your guys’ house is freezing.”
“...Thank you?” Jeongin forces out a laugh, and tries to adjust so that Hyunjin isn’t so on top of him. The scratch of Hyunjin’s long, thick hair against Jeongin’s skin makes him bristle, and the fact that Hyunjin is resting the cold can of beer on Jeongin’s thigh makes him shiver. Despite the pajama pants that he’s wearing, he can still feel the condensation dripping and seeping through the fabric.
Hyunjin’s not half bad; he’s simply clingy. His body is warm, and after a few moments of being uptight and tense from the contact, Jeongin finally begins to relax into it; he may as well, if he isn’t going to fight it.
He can feel eyes on him, and he glances to the side to see Seungmin staring at him. Jeongin is sure his face completely heats up, and he can feel his heart suddenly thump in his chest rather violently. But, as soon as Jeongin meets his eyes, Seungmin quickly glances away to laugh at whatever joke Changbin made.
Jeongin breathes out quietly in an attempt to get his body to calm down without anybody noticing. It kind of works, especially when he reminds himself that he was probably just zoned out, or maybe judging Hyunjin for clinging onto Jeongin, or…
He decides to not let his brain run wild with possibilities; whatever, so Seungmin looked at him once, that doesn’t mean anything.
As the night passes, Jeongin can feel his eyes growing heavier and heavier. Surprisingly enough, the group actually somewhat included him. Like, he joined in on the conversation without anybody side eyeing him or giving him a fake laugh. He was planning on leaving and sneaking away to his room, but Hyunjin actually fell asleep on him, so he is trapped.
Like. Actually trapped. Because Hyunjin has thrown a leg over his lap and is fully cuddled into him. His hand is resting on Jeongin’s chest, and Jeongin is sure he’s blushing so much that everyone can see it despite the darkness.
“Oh. My God,” Changbin snorts, lifting his hips to take his phone out of his pocket. “This is actually beautiful.”
“Shut up,” Jeongin hisses, glaring at Changbin’s phone as he takes a photo. Minho, for once in his life, looks amused too. That’s probably just because he’s buzzed, though; he drank two cans and reached for his third before Chan had to physically restrain him (if they are dating, like Jeongin thinks, then he thinks that Chan hugging Minho to “restrain him” was just an excuse to touch him).
How is Hyunjin this comfortable with Jeongin, who is practically a literal stranger to him? Hanging out once or twice to work on a project does not qualify them as close friends. Definitely not sleeping-on-each-other close.
Jeongin lets his head fall back on the cushion and glances to his side, where Seungmin has, too, fallen asleep. His hand is resting on the back cushion of the couch with his head tilted onto it, and he looks so devastatingly beautiful that Jeongin is sure that the way his eyes are softening is sure to give him away.
He looks so peaceful when he’s asleep. A few pieces of his hair are falling in front of his face, and Jeongin resists the urge to push them away for him (not that he can even move with Hyunjin hugging him like this). He doesn't even realize how hard he’s staring until Minho clears his throat, loudly.
Jeongin glances back, and Minho is glaring at him. Oh, no. Can Minho tell? Is he getting any ideas? Jeongin clenches his jaw and raises his eyebrows as if to say ‘what?’ Minho looks at him for a hard, extra moment before turning back to Chan, looking at whatever Chan is showing him on his phone.
Jeongin lets out a sigh of relief, before blinking tiredly. The clock hanging above the TV says that it’s already nearing four in the morning, and technically, he has school tomorrow. He hasn’t stayed up this late in a while.
Though, as he’s debating the logistics on whether or not he should actually go tomorrow or skip too, he can feel his eyes getting heavier and heavier before they shut for good, his exhaustion taking over.
***
When Jeongin had fallen asleep, he was very sure that there was only one body wrapped around him.
Wearily, he opens his eyes. He’s so, so tired, and his neck hurts a lot from how he fell asleep. He’s still on the couch, sitting upright with his head resting on top of…
Wait.
Hyunjin had fallen asleep on his left.
He glances to the side and damn near screams when he realizes the position that he’s in.
Holy shit.
Seungmin too has his head resting on top of Jeongin’s shoulder, but he’s nowhere near as close to him like Hyunjin still is. His hands are barely brushing on Jeongin’s thigh, like he didn’t mean to touch him at all, with his head almost falling off of Jeongin’s shoulder. It’s clear that in the middle of the night, he must’ve shifted and simply fallen onto Jeongin (is he now a communal pillow?), but, still.
Seungmin is sleeping on his shoulder.
And Jeongin’s head is resting onto his head too, fitting so perfectly against him it’s like they’re a puzzle.
Jeongin can feel something vibrating in his pocket, and he tries to not jostle neither Hyunjin nor Seungmin as he reaches for his phone. His alarm for school is going off, since it’s seven a.m. Jeongin had debated whether or not he should go to school before he fell asleep, but he has never been so sure in his life that he should absolutely not move one bit than in this moment.
He pauses and looks around. Everyone is asleep. Changbin is curled into the loveseat but… Minho and Chan are nowhere to be seen. For a minute, Jeongin thinks that maybe they just woke up early too and went to the kitchen or something.
Or—
Did they—
Nope. He is absolutely shutting that image out of his mind. He nearly shudders at the thought. He’d hope that they have enough decency to like, not do that.
He stares at his phone before opening his phone camera—totally just to look at himself, not to take a picture of him and Seungmin cuddling so he can send it to Felix and Jisung without context—and flinches so violently when he and Seungmin’s eyes meet in the camera that he wakes Hyunjin up.
Thankfully, Hyunjin just makes a sleepy sound before falling back on the couch, cuddling a pillow this time instead of Jeongin.
They continue to just. Look at each other. Through Jeongin’s phone screen before Seungmin raises his eyebrows. “Were you gonna take a photo?” He murmurs, his breath tickling Jeongin’s neck in a way that almost makes him shiver—thankfully, he presses the urge down.
“Um…”
“Take it,” Seungmin smiles, before pursing his lips together like he was posing.
Jeongin doesn’t argue, and the smile on his face when he clicks the take photo button is genuine.
“Mm. Send it to me,” Seungmin mutters before shutting his eyes once more, readjusting himself on Jeongin’s shoulder before presumably falling asleep.
Jeongin stares at the floor for what feels like an eternity, just trying to process what the hell just happened, before shutting his eyes too.
He doesn’t fall back asleep.