Chapter Text
After their arrival in Houndsport, as their traveling party was settling into their inn for the night, Julien brushed by Occtis, pressing a slip of paper into his palm.
Julien had paid for his own room far away from the rest of the group, on the uppermost floor of the building, and he’d given Occtis the room number.
“Are you really going to go to him?” Thimble asked later, in the room that he was officially sharing with her. Though Occtis wasn’t certain how much time he would spend in it. Would- would Julien try to kick him out afterwards? It didn’t seem likely to Occtis, but maybe he was seeing what he wanted to see when it came to Julien. At least in this specific aspect.
“He’s expecting me,” Occtis said. “It’s fine, Thimble. I swear.”
“But you’ve never done this before and he’s done it so many times,” Thimble said and, honestly, Occtis had been trying not to think about that part. About how much experience Julien had, and how Occtis’s lack of experience coupled with his changed body might lead to a disappointing encounter. “What’s the hurry, anyway? Couldn’t you… I don’t know. Do a courtship period? I’m pretty sure that’s something nobles do and you are technically a noble.”
“Life is short and dangerous. Or maybe eternal, for me, but still pretty dangerous,” Occtis said. “If we run into my family in the next few days, we might not all survive.”
She frowned, but then nodded. “I guess I understand. Maybe. Still not sure why you want Julien but… don’t let him push you around.”
“I won’t,” Occtis said. He was pretty sure that Julien would be disappointed if Occtis folded immediately under any pressure. “Please don’t spy this time. Even if you’re worried.”
“Ugh, fine,” Thimble grumbled. “Not as if I wanted to see either of you naked anyway.”
Occtis had already seen Julien in various stages of undress, simply from traveling together with him, coupled with Julien’s complete lack of modesty. But never in a setting where he was allowed to stare as long as he would like.
He waited for a while, until it was likely most people were asleep or at least tucked into their rooms, and crept out of his own room, with a stern whisper to Pincushion to stay with Thimble.
Hesitated a moment once he finally reached Julien’s door, then rapped quietly with his knuckles.
Julien was already stripped down to only a shirt and breeches, and Occtis wondered if he should have done the same. A hand wrapped around his wrist, tugging him into the room as the door was quietly shut behind him, and then barred for good measure.
“Did anyone see you?” Julien asked.
“I don’t think so,” Occtis said. “Thimble, uh. Thimble knows. She figured it out.”
Julien nodded, flicking the collar of Occtis’s coat. “I suppose it was inevitable that she would. She is extremely nosy and quite persistent.”
“She keeps telling me what a bad idea this is.”
“Well, that’s to be expected,” Julien said, not looking bothered.“She and I do not have the best of relationships, even considering recent developments. Now, did you want to talk about Thimble, or do I get to unwrap my gift?”
He tugged at Occtis’s collar.
“I’m not a gift,” Occtis said, but he couldn’t stop a smile from touching his lips. Even when he’d been alive, he hadn’t felt like anyone had considered him desirable. For Julien to feel this way now, when Occtis was the way that he was…
Hands brushed down his chest, cupped his hips.
“I’m not sure how- how much I’ll be able to do,” Occtis said, determined to force out the words even if it ended the encounter early. “From a practical standpoint. I don’t know if I can get hard, and I’m almost entirely certain I can’t ejaculate.”
“You terrified me at first,” Julien said, his thumbs rubbing at Occtis’s hipbones through his layers of clothing. “What were you? Would your father be able to use you to destroy us? These were the questions that haunted me. I know now that you are merely another innocent that your family attempted to destroy. Which is to say, there is no need to worry, Occtis. I’ll figure out how to give you pleasure, whether or not any specific body parts act within our expectations.”
Occtis leaned in for a kiss — no begging this time, only fierce demands. Julien met him with equal aggression, kissing him with passion while backing Occtis across the room until he found himself tumbling backwards onto the bed.
He wasn’t panting, but his mouth hung open with desire as he watched Julien tug off his shirt and climb onto the bed after Occtis, stealing another handful of kisses.
“I’m not too cold?” Occtis asked, sliding gloved hands up Julien’s bare chest. He could feel the musculature under the skin, and quieted the part of his brain that was trying to tell him each individual muscle as he touched it. He wanted to enjoy the moment without getting lost inside his own head.
“It is different but not unpleasant,” Julien said. “And I am curious to discover if you warm up as we continue.”
“And… and the taste?” He shouldn’t be asking so many questions. But he couldn’t help that twinge of- of insecurity that had followed him into death.
“You do not taste of the grave and of rot, if that is your concern,” Julien said, cupping Occtis’s cheek. “It is… it is difficult to describe. A bit earthy, I suppose. Medicinal, almost.”
“That’s not so bad,” Occtis said, letting himself press into Julien’s touch.
Julien’s hands were gentle. They’d been gentle for a while. Ever since… ever since Obrimus Manor. Something in their time there had gentled Julien, made him almost tender whenever he touched Occtis.
“Not bad at all,” Julien said, leaning down for another kiss. “And your loveliness has not waned with your death. It has only transformed.”
“You- you thought I was…” Occtis had noticed that Julien was beautiful immediately, but he’d also been incredibly scary and a colossal asshole to Thimble, so it had been relatively easy to ignore how pretty he was.
Julien hummed an acknowledgment, his hands skimming over Occtis’s clothes, as if measuring the outline of Occtis's body underneath.
Undoing the buttons on his coat and shirt, one by one, as neat and professional about it as a valet might be.
Kneeling down to pull off his boots and place them beside the bed.
Still on his knees, Julien tugged Occtis's gloves off and then kissed each fingertip. He spent a time focusing entirely on Occtis's hands, tracing the lifeline on his palm, then the veins and arteries at his wrist that no longer pulsed with life.
"There is strength here," Julien murmured, interlacing his fingers with Occtis's and gently squeezing. Only for a moment before letting go. "Push yourself backwards on the bed."
Occtis scooted himself back as Julien laid his hands flat on the mattress and boosted himself up to the bed, straddling Occtis in a ridiculously graceful movement. Julien folded Occtis's shirt back from his chest and ran the lightest of touches down along the metal seam that Thaisha had placed into Occtis’s body, to seal the wound that Ethrand had given him.
There was something distant in Julien’s eyes as his fingers brushed across that seam.
Occtis grabbed his wrist, then said, “Hey, I’m here. My family didn’t win. I’m still here.”
Julien smiled, and it was a softer and sweeter smile than Occtis had seen from him before.
“I will carve your brother’s heart out of his chest and present it to you, if that would please you,” he said, and the sincerity in his voice made Occtis’s hand tremble where they touched. “This is not my revenge alone. This is our revenge.”
I think I want that. The words caught in Occtis’s throat, but Julien’s smile sharpened, as if he could hear them anyway.
Julien leaned down, pressing his mouth against Occtis’s scar, and the hollow inside Occtis’s chest throbbed.
“I think of you too often,” Julien murmured against his skin. “You haunt me. You have no notion of how desperately I have tried to rip you out of my dreams.”
Occtis was beginning to get the impression that it wasn’t only Thimble who’d underestimated how invested Julien was. There was a depth of feeling here that he hadn’t expected to find.
“I want to know,” he said, tangling his fingers in Julien’s curls. “Tell me. Tell me about your dreams. When did they start?”
“Tannesar,” Julien said, without hesitation. “When you showed more of the truth of yourself. You are too good at pretending to be soft. You are not soft, Occtis Tachonis.”
“I didn’t notice that you- I didn’t notice,” Occtis confessed, tugging lightly at Julien’s hair. “You flirted with Ingrid Einfasen when she came to Castle Torch.”
That made Julien laugh, a low chuckle that resonated through Occtis’s body.
“You were paying so much attention to me, were you?” he teased. “I told you already. That was not real. Though it would certainly please my mother if it were.”
Julien ducked down, kissing the top of Occtis’s trousers, slowly undoing them.
“Why would it…” Occtis licked his lips. “Oh. Heirs.” Not exactly something that was possible for him anymore, even if his family didn’t hate him.
“Yes, heirs,” Julien said, the glimmer of amusement still in his eyes. “I have little interest in such things, I must admit. If Ingrid might prove useful in giving us information, then it was worthwhile to pay her some compliments and make her feel desired. If not… I made no promises to her.”
Because Julien prided himself on keeping his honor intact.
Once Occtis’s trousers and underthings were gone, he felt almost lost against the expanse of the bed. Julien’s hands carefully pressed his thighs apart and Julien nuzzled against his still-soft cock.
“I- uh- I’ll see if I can focus and maybe… maybe force blood into that area,” Occtis said. Heat bloomed where Julien kissed the crease between his groin and thigh.
“There is no need to do anything that discomforts you,” he said. “Relax, Occtis. Consider pleasure as a whole, not only one form of it. If your body does not react the way it used to when you were living, that does not mean it fails to react at all. You still respond to my touch, though perhaps more slowly than you would have once. Allow me to do the work of pleasing you.”
Julien took Occtis’s balls in his mouth, and Occtis arched up as an almost unbearable warmth surrounded him in such a tender place, his hand tightening in Julien’s hair. Julien rubbed his thumb soothingly against Occtis’s hip as he gently sucked. It wasn’t- it didn’t feel anything like masturbation had felt when he was alive, but it still felt good. Julien’s eyes had half-closed and there was a shadow of peace on his face that Occtis wasn’t certain he’d ever seen before.
Was this how sex always affected Julien?
Time felt meaningless in this room, in this bed. Occtis wasn’t sure how long Julien spent in that one moment before moving on, lips now caressing Occtis’s cock. He didn’t seem insulted at all by the continued softness, taking as much of it into his mouth as would fit.
As he sucked at the head of Occtis’s prick, his fingers moved lower, brushing against the entrance to Occtis’s body. Pressing gently, as if testing something.
Occtis had only ever tried touching himself there once or twice, frustrated at how impossible the angle seemed.
He let out a protesting whimper when Julien raised his head, allowing Occtis’s cock to slide out of his mouth.
“You are feeling good, I see.” Julien’s smirk was friendlier from this angle. “And you are getting warmer, my young lord. Am I serving you well?”
Occtis shivered, an instinctive reaction that he’d thought was lost to him. There was a hint of a worshipful undertone in Julien’s voice. A member of a vassal house, taught from birth that his place was beneath those of the Sundered Houses. Occtis could not have dreamt that such things could turn into- into tools during sex.
“Keep- keep going,” he said, trying to make his voice firmer. More commanding. “You have work to do. Obligations to fulfill.”
“Yes, that’s good,” Julien praised, and he pushed Occtis’s thighs further apart. “I would hear your voice, my lord. Otherwise, how will I know that I please you?”
It was an odd little game, for them to pretend that Occtis was the one in charge. Yet there was a sparkle in Julien’s eyes that made it clear that he enjoyed it.
“You do please me, Sir Julien,” Occtis said, wrapping Julien’s hair around his fist and giving it a sharp yank that made Julien’s smirk twitch even wider. “You have- you have my permission to continue.”
Julien obeyed with a speed that made Occtis light-headed, taking Occtis’s cock back into his mouth and creating a steady suction. There was a faint rigidity to his cock now that had been lacking before. Not true hardness, but something closer. Occtis gave breathless commands, mostly things that Julien was doing already, simply for the obvious tingle that it gave Julien to hear them.
It took a long time, though Occtis wasn’t certain how long, but his cock hardened further inside Julien’s mouth, eventually filling out enough that Julien had to pull back.
For some things, Julien seemed to have an endless store of patience.
Occtis tugged at Julien’s hair, making sure to modulate his tone to sound like an order and not a request. “Kiss me, Sir Julien.”
There was a faint popping sound as Julien’s lips fully left his cock, and Julien licked and sucked his way up Occtis’s stomach and chest, before taking his mouth in a forceful kiss. Occtis melted into the commanding heat of it.
Julien took his jaw in one hand, and Occtis found himself viscerally reminded of Julien’s strength. Though his fighting style was more about fluidity and grace, there was muscle behind it. If Julien genuinely wanted to hurt him, it would not be difficult.
Though the reverse was also true. Julien wouldn’t have much protection against Occtis’s magic.
“Pretty little lord,” Julien murmured. “I’m at your service. What would you have of me?”
“I want your heat inside my body,” Occtis said. “I want- make me warm, Sir Julien.”
Julien stroked his thumb over Occtis’s lower lip, pressing it into his mouth and holding down his tongue. “As my lord wishes.”
He kissed his way back down Occtis’s body, pausing to bite at Occtis’s nipples and to suck a bruise into the skin at the sharp angle of his hip, studying Occtis’s reactions to each. He didn’t take Occtis’s cock back inside his mouth, instead going lower and licking at the entrance to his body. It shouldn’t- Occtis didn’t even use his digestive system anymore, so it shouldn’t be any more unpleasant than any other bit of his body, but there was still something in the touch that felt transgressive.
Julien had no hesitation or any signs of shame, the wet heat of his tongue pushing past the rim of muscle and inside Occtis’s body. Much as before, there was no hint of impatience in him. He seemed content to serve Occtis as long as it was pleasing to him.
Occtis’s hands were shaking as he stroked through Julien’s hair, tugged lightly to get Julien's attention.
“Fuck me,” he said, his voice trembling. “Julien, please.”
“Patience.” Julien placed a kiss against his inner thigh. “Your body resists change. I must teach it how to bend to your will. Right now, I think there would still be some pain.”
“I don’t mind if it hurts,” Occtis said, arching up against Julien’s hands. “I just need- I want- please. I need you.”
“There is time to learn if you enjoy pain with your pleasure,” Julien said. “But not, I think, when this is all so new to you. You have- you have not done this before, have you?”
“Was it obvious?” he asked plaintively, trying to think of any tell that might have given away his inexperience. He’d been trying so hard not to come across as- as a virgin.
Julien cupped his knee, studying him. “Ah, I do not mean to be impolite, but you told me this yourself. Well, you did not tell me specifically, but when we were leaving the Lloy Estate, back at the beginning of all of this-“
“You remember that?” Occtis asked. Fuck, he barely remembered it. It had been- it had been a quick flash of regret when he’d seen Hal and Thaisha embrace goodbye. He’d needed to mourn that such passion was forever lost to him. A memory that felt more than slightly ironic at this specific moment in time.
“The reasons have shifted as the days have passed, but I have always paid great attention to everything that you have said.” Julien kissed the crown of Occtis’s knee. “And so we will take things as slowly as you need. Wait until you have a bit more experience before trying anything… complex.”
He would do it if Occtis could turn it into an order. Occtis was almost certain of that. But the commanding tones that he would need for it were all hopelessly out of reach, every part of him desperate, needy desire that he hadn't realized he was capable of feeling.
So Occtis was helpless when Julien returned to carefully licking him open.
After some time, Julien grabbed a vial from the nightstand. Pressing in only one finger to start with, slippery now from whatever had been in the vial.
Distantly, Occtis made a note to see if he could replicate the effect with Prestidigitation.
His thoughts drifted away again as Julien lifted his head up to suck on Occtis’s balls and the shaft of his cock, lingering there as he pushed two fingers inside Occtis, finding something that made him whine and beg. His prostate gland, Occtis’s anatomy lessons helpfully reminded him, and it was fascinating that it still worked to give him pleasure.
It wasn’t until Occtis’s muscles were shaking with exhaustion that Julien finally resettled himself between Occtis’s legs. He stroked along Occtis’s thighs, and urged him to wrap his legs around Julien’s back.
Then Julien was edging the blunt tip of his cock inside Occtis.
“You have fallen apart completely, my lord,” Julien said, stroking his hands up Occtis’s chest as he pressed his cock inward. The worshipful tones had taken on the slightest edge of mockery. Yet he still sounded fond. Affectionate. “Have I succeeded in conquering another son of the House Tachonis this night?”
Occtis gasped, the words hitting him like a punch to the stomach. He felt Julien’s fingers brush across his cheeks, tender and light.
“Too far?” Julien asked, concern creeping into his voice.
Occtis shook his head. “No, it’s- you can- I think I almost-“
He’d almost felt the convulsions of an orgasm, just from Julien’s words.
“I liked it, maybe too much,” he admitted.
“I see,” Julien said, and his concern melted away.
He gathered up Occtis’s wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand, tightening his grip enough to make Occtis’s bones ache. His cock pushed deeper into Occtis’s body, as inexorable as the sea. “You like being reminded that you are being mastered. Knowing that you are nothing but a vessel for the pleasure of one who should be beneath you.”
With his hands trapped like this, somatic components to cast spells would be impossible. Julien could easily stop any words with a kiss, and Occtis’s bag of material components had been set aside along with his trousers.
He was completely at Julien’s mercy.
“Your whimpers and whines will not save you, Lord Occtis Tachonis,” Julien hissed, and every muscle in Occtis’s body tightened. “I will take my vengeance on your body, piece by piece. Until every inch of you is marked with the crest of House Davinos.”
Occtis moaned, beyond words.
It was too much.
Everything in Occtis’s body convulsed.
Nothing came out of his cock, as he’d speculated earlier, but it felt every bit like an orgasm, his body clenching around Julien.
“Julien. Fuck, Julien,” he mumbled. “I- oh, fuck.”
And Julien was kissing him, tender and soft, his grip around Occtis’s wrists loosening.
“Such a good boy,” Julien told him, and that made Occtis’s shivers deepen as his body relaxed again. “Lovely, sweet boy. That felt wonderful. Would you like me to finish inside you? Leave my warmth in your body?”
“Please, yes, please,” Occtis said, words half-slurred with pleasure.
It was slow and gentle, a rocking of the hips as opposed to thrusts. Julien kept kissing him through it all, giving him honeyed words and light caresses. Indulgent and lingering, Occtis’s thoughts slowly coming back into alignment.
Julien’s hips hitched up against his one last time, and Occtis was thrilled to discovered that the coolness of his own body meant that he felt the heat of Julien’s orgasm spilling inside him. Julien pressed a kiss against his neck, and then carefully pulled himself out.
He left the bed, but didn’t go far, only over to a nearby table that had a bowl and a cloth, something it seemed that he’d prepared before Occtis had arrived. He got the cloth wet, wiping down his cock, and then returned to the bed, reaching between Occtis’s legs and cleaning him too. Pressing his fingertips against Occtis’s asshole, which was feeling somewhat sore, and then resting his hand on Occtis’s stomach, his thumb pressing gently against the metal seam.
There wasn’t as much soreness as Occtis had anticipated. The entire experience had… it had been so much better than Occtis would have expected sex to be, with the way that his body was now. Julien had been so patient with him, willing to take his time until Occtis’s body caught up with what his mind wanted.
The candlelight of the room cast their shadows against the wall.
Julien’s shadow only looked like Julien. So strange to think that Thjazi was in there.
“Why do you hate Thjazi?” Occtis asked, reaching forward to brush his fingers through Julien’s curls. Julien could be an asshole but he was, in general, a rational man. There had to be something tangible behind his feelings for Thjazi.
“How could he possibly be relevant in this moment?” Julien caught Occtis’s hand and pressed a kiss to his palm, hot as a branding iron. “I prefer not to discuss people I dislike while I’m in bed. Especially not when I’m with such a delightful companion.”
“Thimble mentioned that Thjazi might be aware of what’s happening from inside your shadow,” Occtis said, glad that his inability to blush saved him from being too much of a fool over Julien’s compliments.
“Do you care if he is watching?”
“Not particularly,” he said. “It’s more a curiosity than anything else.”
“Good.” Julien kissed Occtis’s wrist next, fire licking at the place where there was once a pulse. “Hmm, I suppose it may prove illustrative, so I shall tell you about the moment that taught me the truth of Thjazi.”
Julien took a moment to resettle into the bed with Occtis, the two of them facing each other. He was even more gorgeous like this, naked and sated, his soft cock nestled in black curls. He reached forward and took Occtis’s hand, leading it to rest onto the warmth of Julien’s hip. Julien’s own hand kept moving, lightly stroking over Occtis’s bare skin. It didn’t seem to have a particularly amorous intent behind it, instead there was something almost meditative in the movements.
“I am… somewhat younger than the Lady Aranessa,” Julien began. “So I was still a boy when I met Thjazi Fang, who had married my lady in a whirlwind courtship. I was already planning to be her protector when I was old enough, so I spent a great deal of time around her. Thjazi was novel and exciting, a war hero, and I admit to being as charmed by him as anyone else.”
“What happened to change that?”
“I was sneaking about, practicing being quiet. My father had taught me the virtues of the unexpected and I had learned his lessons well. I came across Thjazi and-“ Julien paused, his gaze flicking over Occtis’s face warily. It didn’t come across as someone trying to think of a lie, but of someone worried that the truth wouldn’t be believed. Occtis gave a soft nod to let him know to continue, and Julien sighed. “I came across Thjazi and Thimble having an argument about… the merits of cultivating certain acquaintances. What were his exact words? Ah, yes… ‘don’t be so quick to dismiss the boy, Thimble. He’s the Davinos heir. When you have a rich kid in your pocket, that’s not a ticket you throw out, no matter what your current circumstances’. I-” Julien hesitated, the shadow of what looked like genuine hurt on his face.
Well, it certainly sounded like something Thjazi might say.
Occtis rubbed his fingers gently against Julien’s hip, trying to do his best to wordlessly let Julien know that he wasn’t going to be instantly defensive over the mention of Thimble’s name.
“It was difficult, after hearing this, to take his feelings for my lady at face value. Difficult to trust in his friendship with my father,” Julien finished.
Occtis took note of that, but most especially of what Julien didn’t say. It wasn’t Aranessa or Raimond Davinos that Thjazi had been talking about in that overheard conversation.
“Did you tell anyone?” Occtis asked.
“I told my father,” Julien said, and the familiar bitterness from whenever he talked about Thjazi crept into his voice. “But one thing I will never deny about Thjazi is that he had a silver tongue. Better than silver. A golden tongue. My father spoke to him, without me present.” Julien’s lower lip trembled, and Occtis wasn’t certain if it was pain or anger. Maybe both. “When he returned to our home, I was scolded. Told that I was exaggerating. That I was jealous. That I was in the wrong for spying on my lady’s husband. I was shipped off to learn from other tutors, and sternly warned not to tell falsehoods to the Lady Aranessa.”
Julien took in a handful of unsteady breaths. And there was a look on his face that felt familiar to Occtis. Scolded. What exactly did that mean in Julien’s family? It didn’t feel appropriate to ask. Julien’s father was dead now, and most people idealized their dead loved ones, even if those people had caused pain to them in their lives.
“Two years into their blissful marriage, Thjazi betrayed her by joining the Falconer’s Rebellion. A rebellion doomed to failure from the start,” he said. The tone of his voice turned defensive — ah, this must be an argument he’d had with someone multiple times. Contextually, it seems likely that he’d been fighting with his father. “After the rebellion was put down, Thjazi tried to talk her into abandoning her duty and her family to run away with him. Though she refused, her love for him never died. And he never deserved her. What he did to her… it is not love.”
“How do you see love, Julien?” Occtis asked. “What should Thjazi have done differently?”
Julien took a moment to think the question over before answering.
“To love is… to serve. To protect and shield. He forsook his vows and left her to face the scorn of her peers alone. He should have stayed by her side. He should have chosen her.”
He’d never sounded more like the knight of a vassal house than he did in this moment.
“Truly, I am glad that he helped you when you needed him,” Julien added, and he lifted Occtis’s knuckles up for a kiss. “But, trust me when I say, he did not help without expecting repayment somewhere down the road.”
“I think I understand your meaning,” Occtis said. It certainly explained a lot about Julien. “I do still feel indebted to him, but you believe that was his purpose in helping me?”
“That is his entire way of thinking,” he said. “He creates debt and then uses people because they feel obligated to him, even grateful for the opportunity to return the favor. He bleeds them dry and abandons them when they are no longer of use.”
That didn’t ring true to what Occtis remembered of Thjazi, but it was clear that Julien genuinely believed it.
“Your fondness for Thjazi does not change how I… that I care for you,” Julien added, in a much softer tone, and it was the first time that Julien had said it straight-out, instead of only implying it. “I believe it is a foolishness, one that you share with Lady Aranessa, but Thjazi was a convincing man. I do not hold your faith in him against you.”
Occtis swallowed, a pointless nervous gesture. He hadn’t expected an open comparison between himself and Aranessa, not even one that felt vaguely condescending.
He didn’t know what to say, but he knew if he waited, eventually Julien would fill the silence.
“This is your first time in someone’s bed, so I wanted to offer a reassurance,” Julien said. “This was not an impulse on my part, nor do I take what we did here lightly. You are a companion of mine, one who have I traveled with into grave danger, and who I will continue to walk beside. I have already bound myself to your path, through my vow to kill your family, but this no longer feels like enough. I will protect you, Occtis Tachonis, and keep you safe, until there is no more danger from your father or the rest of your family.”
“Oh,” Occtis said, his mind going completely blank and useless. To love is to serve. Nonsense. He and Julien had barely known each other a month. An intense month, but only a month. Whatever Julien might be feeling right now, it wasn’t love. “I- I’ll protect you too.”
Julien thumbed at his mouth, and then sealed their promises with a kiss.
“Stay until morning,” he said. “If you like.”
“Let me, uh. Let me tell Thimble,” Occtis said, and he took hold of Julien’s shoulder as he went inside Pin’s mind. Pin was curled up on the bed that had been alloted for Occtis, and Thimble was sleeping on the pillow. Occtis released Pin with a sigh and said to Julien, “Never mind. She’s already asleep. It’s a bit odd, considering how worried she’s been about this.”
Julien looked utterly unconcerned, tugging Occtis to lie down against him and wrapping them both up in the warm blankets.
Occtis refrained from pointing out that Julien would be more comfortable and warmer without Occtis sharing the bed with him. Julien already knew that, just as he knew that Occtis didn’t sleep. This wasn’t about comfort.
It seemed that Julien simply wanted Occtis with him.
“The hour has grown late and she knows I would not harm you. I’m sure she’ll have plenty to say tomorrow,” Julien said, kissing Occtis’s forehead. “If I start to have any night terrors in my sleep, simply poke me hard enough to almost wake me. That should settle them.”
There were certainly plenty of terrible things for Julien to have nightmares about.
It took surprisingly little time for Julien to fall asleep.
Occtis found himself meditating on the sharp angles of Julien’s face, and on what Julien had told him tonight about Thjazi. He understood the shape of Julien’s bitterness now, which would be helpful in the future.
He could see why Julien might take Thjazi’s words personally, though Occtis himself didn’t feel any outrage over the matter. Of course, Thjazi would want repayment for his aid, and would consider what his potential allies might offer to his cause. That was how the world worked. But if a young Julien had felt flattered by Thjazi’s attention, it must have been a great disappointment to come to the belief that any attention was false coin. And that belief would have moved forward into Julien’s life as he grew older — every negative interaction with Thjazi confirmation of his villainy, every kindness interpreted as manipulation.
Julien shifted, restless.
“Father!” he called out, the shrill fear in his voice making him sound at least ten years younger. “Behind you, father!”
Occtis didn’t have the heart to poke Julien in an attempt to wake him, as requested.
Instead, he cupped Julien’s face, kissed the corner of his mouth, whispered to him that he was safe. Julien was arched up and tense in his arms for a few moments longer, and then he relaxed again. The nightmare had passed.
Occtis thought of Julien’s words during their argument at Obrimus Manor, fiercely saying that it didn’t matter whether or not Occtis cared about him. That he’d never asked for it. Julien following him back in even after Occtis had tried to drive him away. Julien’s soft hands and words after they’d witnessed Primus murdering Hannan, soothing and protecting and guarding.
Was that when this had started for Occtis? Or had it begun long before?
He didn’t know. He hadn’t been thinking about- about physical affection. He’d had more pressing concerns and had honestly believed that part of himself had been forever destroyed with his death. Julien had shown him that wasn’t true. His body didn’t only feel pain, but pleasure as well.
Julien woke before morning light entered through the windows and, when he saw Occtis, he smiled.
“Ah, you decided to stay,” he said. “I half-expected you to slip away while I was sleeping, but naturally you are more polite than this.”
“It wasn’t politeness,” Occtis protested, pulling Julien in for a kiss. One that was eagerly returned. Julien tasted of sleep, slightly sour but fading quickly. “Julien… I- I don’t know what to do now.”
“What are your concerns?” Julien asked, and he brushed his knuckles down the length of Occtis’s scar. “How may I ease your mind?”
“Will I sound terribly ignorant and naive if I say that I don’t know what this means for us?” Occtis asked. “Are you- you have a reputation. Is that- are we?”
“Ah, if you have something you want from me, you must ask,” Julien said, in a warm and teasing tone. “I cannot read your thoughts.”
“Don’t sleep with anyone else,” Occtis said, stunning himself with how firmly the words came out. “I don’t want you to be with anyone else.”
Especially not Ingrid Einfasen, or any other noble lady that Julien’s mother might be able to talk him into marrying and having heirs with. It was- fuck, it was a selfish thing to ask.
“My young lord is possessive, is he?” Julien asked, raising an eyebrow. “You want me to be yours and yours alone?”
“I don’t have many people in this world who care about me,” he said. Three now. Only three. “I don’t think I want to share you.”
“Then I am yours,” Julien said, with an ease that shocked Occtis. Julien cocked his head, his smile turning impish. “Sex is a fun distraction but I have other ways of distracting myself, if need be.”
Overcome with a sensation that he couldn’t name, Occtis impulsively shoved at Julien’s shoulder, and Julien offered no resistance as he was pushed onto his back, though his air left him in a soft huff. Occtis straddled his hips, and he noted that Julien’s cock was already half-hard. Dimly, he could recall that being something that his body used to do too, especially in the mornings.
He rubbed his hands up along Julien’s sides. “I want to do something for you. I’m not certain what. I don’t think I can fuck you, the way that you fucked me.”
Right now, his own cock was still soft. It had taken a great deal of effort for Julien to get it to harden at all last night and, even then, it hadn’t been a firm enough erection that it would have been able to push past Julien’s sphincter muscles and into his body. So using his cock to penetrate Julien simply wouldn’t work.
He could use his fingers inside Julien, the way that Julien had done with him last night.
Or he could use his mouth on Julien.
As soon as he had the thought, he wanted it.
Occtis started with a kiss, holding Julien’s chin in place, in a rough copy of what Julien seemed to enjoy doing with him.
Julien’s body was completely free of any tension and he seemed willing to go along with whatever Occtis might have planned.
Fuck, he was beautiful. Julien’s muscle was toned and lean, every inch of him glowing with vitality. Occtis felt as helpless as any shade, drawn to that life that burst out of Julien, wanting to claim it for his own.
Occtis kissed his way down Julien’s body, clumsy and slow, but taking care to pay particular attention to each and every scar. Julien had been in the Falconer’s Rebellion, rather famously so, though on the other side of the battlefield from most of the other veterans that Occtis had met. His body told that story, of too many battles at too young an age. No one to heal the wounds before they twisted into permanent scar tissue.
He hesitated when he reached Julien’s cock.
“I don’t think I should swallow,” he murmured, remembering how awful it had felt to have food inside a non-functioning stomach. “But I want to…”
He took Julien’s cock inside his mouth. Well, as much of it as he could. He knew that his mouth would be considerably colder than a living mouth, as well as a bit drier, though Occtis could create saliva if he focused.
Hopefully, Julien would still enjoy the experience.
“You’re doing well,” Julien said, in a reassuring tone that Occtis wished that he didn’t need to hear so badly. Julien’s hand slid into his hair, though he didn’t appear to be trying to direct Occtis in any way, simply lightly massaging his head. “Some people pay extra to have a companion put ice in their mouth before a blowjob. It feels-”
Then Julien gasped as Occtis pushed forward as hard as he could, feeling Julien’s cock slip past the back of his mouth and into his throat as his lips kissed against the base of Julien’s cock.
“Fuck,” Julien breathed out. “How are you- right, fuck, you don’t- you don’t need to breathe. I knew that.”
Occtis didn’t need to swallow any more than he needed to do any other bodily functions but he could engage the muscles of his throat as if he were swallowing. Couple that with having no gag reflex and, well, this was something that his body could do easily. Maybe something that he could do better than any living person.
Julien was making desperate, hungry sounds and petting frantically through Occtis’s hair.
His hips were jerking up against Occtis’s mouth but there was nowhere for him to go. Every inch of Julien’s cock was already inside Occtis.
He could feel the sticky heat of Julien’s pre-come dripping down his throat. It would probably feel disgusting when it cooled but there was a part of him that wanted to test the theory out anyway, simply because of how wonderful it would feel while it was still warm.
“You need to pull off,” Julien said, tugging lightly at Occtis’s hair. “I’m- I’ll come inside you if you don’t.”
He managed it only barely in time, as Julien’s cock began spurting out strands of come while it was still partially in Occtis’s mouth.
“Sorry,” Julien panted. “Sorry, I- fuck, that was… that was... not that it's a shock that you're a quick study but… fuck.”
Occtis wiped at his mouth, cast Prestidigitation and felt an odd mixture of relief and wistfulness when he felt it clean up the inside of his throat as well.
Still, useful to know.
Julien was looking up at him with- with genuine fondness, stripped bare of all pretense.
He was the most beautiful thing that Occtis had ever seen.
“Do you think Aranessa will be terribly angry with me if I steal you away?” he asked as he shifted up to straddle Julien again, his words only half-joking.
Julien pressed his fingers against Occtis’s collarbone. “She likes you. She feels the weight of what your family has taken from you. Her sympathies were with you long before mine were. I do not believe she will object if I choose to continue to protect you.” He leaned up and kissed Occtis’s cheek.
Occtis slid his hand into Julien’s hair to curve around the back of his head and cushion his head as it rested back against the pillow. There was an element of hypocrisy in Julien’s words, as there was in many of Julien’s best traits. He’d said that Thimble was foolish to risk her own life to try to save Teor and Cyd, but had gone back into Obrimus Manor to keep Occtis safe. And he’d made a vow to Occtis that had the potential to clash with his oath to his liege-lady.
Did Julien see the contradictions?
“What is this piercing gaze for?” Julien asked. “What are you thinking about?”
“I don’t want you to regret this,” he said. “But I’m not sure I’m willing to let you go.”
Possessive, Julien had said, and it might be true. Something dangerous and cold coiled around his chest at the thought of Julien being with anyone else the way that he’d been with Occtis last night, all that tenderness and that patience. He wasn’t sure how much he cared about the sex itself, now that he gave it more thought, but he wanted Julien’s attention to stay fixed on him.
Julien chuckled but it didn’t feel unkind.
It felt like a joke that he was asking Occtis to enjoy with him.
“Have I sought any escape? Here is my place,” he said, stroking Occtis’s hips, drawing attention to the position that Occtis had put them in — Julien firmly underneath Occtis. “Here is where I want to be. I have offered myself to you.” A hesitation and a hitching breath. “Do you accept?”
Occtis nodded, shaky.
He didn’t have a heart, but a gentle warmth was growing where his heart used to be.