Chapter Text
The next few days were awkward, as Lumine saw Childe around constantly. He was in meetings about her album, recording sessions, marketing discussions, launch planning for the new album... it was annoying her, that he was always somewhere nearby.
Sometimes she'd catch him looking at her from across the table in the conference room. She'd pretend not to notice, but sometimes she ended up noticing anyway.
Then one morning she found a coffee waiting outside her recording studio as she was setting up for a session. Exactly how she liked it, hot with vanilla creamer. No one else but him knew what her usual order was.
The next day, he asked her to come with him to a new health-conscious restaurant for lunch, and she found herself wanting to say no, but said yes anyway. It was awkward at first, staring at their food rather than each other, before they eased into a stilted conversation. The day after that, after a particularly grueling twelve-hour recording session, he asked her to come with him to get a late dinner before she went home for the night.
Neither of them ever mentioned the argument nor the kiss. Whether that made things better or worse, Lumine couldn't decide. All she knew was that he kept showing up and doing nice things for her. Especially taking her out to eat and out to get coffee. Maybe it was his way of trying to say he felt bad for what had happened; namely, for what he'd done to her. She couldn't find it in her heart to fully forgive him yet.
The album continued to move forward. Single after single entered production. The amount of photoshoots for it multiplied. Media appearances became a standard part of Lumine's routine. She developed the strange ability to answer questions while barely listening to herself speak.
What inspires your music?
How would you describe your sound?
What do you want listeners to take away from this album?
The answers came automatically now, thanks to the media training she'd received. All of them were well-rehearsed and safe. Ying always knew what to say, even when Lumine wasn't sure of the answer herself.
The parties continued, too. Industry events, launch celebrations, private gatherings, afterparties following performances. It was at one of those where Columbina found Lumine and suggested that the two of them collaborate in the future. Lumine felt pressured to say yes, given that the other idol had more influence in Fatui Records as a whole. Part of her was looking forward to that collaboration, whenever it would come to fruition.
The pills... they appeared often enough now that they no longer shocked her. Someone always had something to offer her if she asked. Something to relax, a substance to celebrate, a little extra to stay awake and keep going in the late night hours.
Nobody ever treated it like it was a big deal. After all, the music industry seemed to run on exhaustion and caffeine, as well as other substances used to keep the energy high. Why should she be any different?
One Saturday afternoon, her phone rang repeatedly while she slept. In the dark room, she reached blindly for the phone. She missed. Groaning in frustration, she rolled over and went back to sleep.
When she finally woke up hours later, she found six missed calls and three texts, all from Nilou.
Concern immediately flickered over Lumine's expression as she called her back. Nilou answered on the second ring.
"Thank goodness you called me back. I'm so glad you're still alive."
"What do you mean?"
"You disappeared."
"I was sleeping."
"For twelve weeks?"
Lumine winced. "Oh. No, I haven't, I just... I've been pretty busy, Nilou."
Silence stretched across the line. "Are you okay?" Nilou asked.
Lumine hated how defensive she sounded when she said, "I'm fine."
"You don't sound fine."
Lumine rubbed her eyes. "I'm tired."
Outside the apartment window, the city was already beginning to darken again. Another day was gone.
"Nilou—"
"Lumine, please. You had me worried over here, because I couldn't get ahold of you. You haven't seen my texts?"
"I haven't. I've been busy."
"I know, but Lumine..." A pause. "You've missed out on things I wanted you to be there for. My birthday dinner, my marketing campaign celebrations..."
The words landed harder than Lumine expected, because she knew exactly what Nilou was feeling. "I'm sorry," Lumine said.
Nilou sighed softly. "Okay. Please Lumine, I care about you. If you want to talk about anything at all... I'm here."
"Okay."
Lumine hung up the call.
That evening, Lumine attended another party. The music was loud, and the room was crowded, reeking of expensive perfume. People congratulated her on the single, and complimented her appearance. They sung her talents and asked about the album as well as other future releases.
By midnight, she was standing on another balcony. The city stretched beneath her again. Different building, same skyline. Same feeling.
Childe appeared beside her. "You vanished."
"I needed air."
"You always need air."
Lumine sighed. "Maybe because nobody leaves me alone."
"This is what it's like, Ying. To be famous."
He handed her a drink. She accepted it without thinking. She still hadn't forgiven him fully, but could at least tolerate his presence for an extended amount of time. The exchange felt familiar,
Inside, multiple people's laughter rang out over the music that pulsed through the walls.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket. Another notification, which was an interview request. Another reminder that everything was working out in her favor.
Every piece of her life was moving exactly the way she'd dreamed it would. She was finally getting a taste of that glamorous life of a star, everything from the fame and attention to the parties and the networking. So why did she keep feeling relieved whenever she found a way not to think about it?
Lumine leaned against the railing, and Childe's shoulder brushed hers. The second single was due in three weeks for another tease into her album. The third was still unfinished. Half the album needed rewrites. Rosalyne wanted her to book another photoshoot. Pulcinella wanted her at more interviews. Dottore wanted vocals rerecorded for finalizing—
Everyone wanted something.
She took a sip of her drink, and let the alcohol burn in her throat as it washed away her worries.
Lumine stared at the email chain on her phone while sitting in the backseat of a town car headed toward yet another appearance. It was her... fourth, maybe fifth one this week? She lost track of it already.
Her eyes burned. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a full day off. It had to have been before signing with Fatui, and before becoming Ying...
The car pulled to a stop outside a radio station, and the thought disappeared quickly. There wasn't time to think about things like that anymore.
Before she could even unbuckle her seatbelt, her chauffeur was already opening the door. "Five minutes."
Lumine nodded. "What are we talking about today?"
"Album process. Inspirations. Future goals."
The answers appeared automatically in her head. Ying's answers. By now she could probably give the entire interview while asleep. It was just... all these different music mags, and they all asked the same questions of her, over and over and over. It bothered her immensely.
She went inside and was promptly greeted by the hosts of the appearance. The interview would last forty-five minutes. The host asked nearly identical questions to the previous three she'd done, as she expected.
How does it feel seeing your success?
What inspires your songwriting?
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of fame?
The last question caught her off guard. She had no idea how to answer that honestly. The practiced smile arrived before her truthful reply could. "Sometimes. But I'm incredibly grateful for everything I've been given."
The host beamed, the audience laughed. Everyone seemed satisfied, herself included. That frightened her a bit as she was removing her makeup at home post-interview.
Afterward she sat through photos, recordings, promotional clips, and another interview scheduled by someone she didn't recognize. Performing as Ying was becoming a lot easier. The lie was something easy to slip in and out of, like a dress that was tailored just for her, but now it clung to her more than it had before. With each passing day, it became harder to distinguish if she was Ying or if she was Lumine.
She was called back to Fatui Records headquarters to complete a recording session before her day could truly end. It was nearly evening, and Dottore barely looked up when she entered the studio.
"You're late."
"I'm three minutes early."
"Which is still late in my books."
Lumine dropped into the chair beside the sound booth. "I came directly from interviews."
"Yes, and you sound tired."
"I'm always tired."
"Exactly. That won't work for recording this song. Here." Dottore handed her a little white pill and a glass of water. "This will keep you going for a few hours, at least. We need to get this recording finished tonight, or else we'll miss our deadline."
"It better not be that stupid drug—"
"My dear Ying, don't be like that. It's a caffeine pill."
"Oh. Okay." She took what he'd offered her, sipping on the water before taking the pill. The producer clicked something on his screen. "Now get to the booth."
She stared at him. "Dottore."
"Booth."
"I've been working for eleven hours."
"And you'll be working for a few more. I need you to push through this exhaustion, Ying."
He was being practical, but it came off as cruel and matter-of-fact. To him, exhaustion was simply another part of the job. Rosalyne practically lived in the building. Arlecchino answered emails at two in the morning. Childe slept less than anyone she knew, and nobody seemed concerned about it. Why should she be?
The recording session lasted until nearly midnight. The entire time, frustration smoldered beneath her skin. Every take felt wrong, every note felt slightly off. Dottore must've picked up on it too, because he would ask for another take. Then another. And another. When Dottore asked for yet another take, she nearly screamed into the mic. Instead she walked out of the booth saying, "I need a break", and locked herself in the bathroom for ten minutes.
When she emerged, she found Childe leaning against the wall outside. He looked up. "Bad day?"
Lumine laughed. "Bad month."
His expression softened immediately. "Come here."
The invitation was simple; she followed it without thinking. The moment his arms wrapped around her shoulders, something inside her loosened. Never did she think she'd be hugging her producer, but the moment called for it.
"You need sleep," he murmured.
"I need two coffees right now."
He laughed. "That too."
Lumine pressed her forehead into his shoulder. The smell of his cologne had become familiar enough to feel comforting.
"You know," Childe said after a moment, "there's an afterparty tonight, to celebrate The Magic Twins' fourth successful album."
She groaned.
"Absolutely not."
"It'll be fun."
"I want to go home and rest."
"You say that every time." His hand rubbed circles against her back. "You need to stop thinking for a little while."
"No. I need sleep. I will not be going to that afterparty."
"Okay. If you say so, Ying."
The music at the party was loud enough to rattle Lumine's teeth. The dress she wore was too short, and too tight on her body. People moved around her in expensive clothing and practiced smiles. She accepted a drink without asking what was in it.
Someone congratulated her on recent streaming numbers, as someone else discussed awards speculation. A third person asked about album sales. This party was supposed to be about The Magic Twins, but when they were busy with people, others wanted her attention.
She really shouldn't have come. But Childe had pushed her to go, and Dottore reminded her that she should always seize a networking opportunity by the neck if she could.
Halfway through the night she found herself searching the room for Childe like a lifeline. When she finally spotted him, speaking with two executives near the bar, relief quickly flooded through her. But as she approached, she saw his hand wrapped around a woman's waist. She'd draped herself over him, leaning her head on his shoulder as he talked with the two men, who wore stony expressions.
She stopped walking. The relief she'd felt at finding him disappeared as quickly as it'd come.
He had promised her nothing except a contract. He wasn't hers.
She turned before he noticed her, weaving back into the crowd. Everything became blurry; someone laughed nearby, someone else called for another round of drinks. The party carried on exactly as before, completely indifferent to the ache proliferating in her chest. She hated that she'd gone looking for him in the first place.
What did she expect? Childe was charming. Popular. Good-looking, even. People naturally gravitated toward him. He'd probably held dozens of women like that before. But not her. That realization shouldn't have hurt, but it did anyway.
Lumine accepted another drink from a passing waiter and finished half of it in one swallow. The alcohol burned pleasantly this time, and she welcomed the buzz that followed.
Across the room, Childe caught sight of her. His wolfish smile faltered when their eyes met. He gently removed the woman's arm from around his waist and said something to the executives before starting toward her. Lumine looked away first, slipping into the crowd before he could reach her.
The crowd of people swallowed her whole. By the time he reached where she'd been standing, she was already gone. She pushed through a set of glass doors leading outside, letting the cool night air wash over her. This was becoming a common occurrence, an escape to the balcony. A repetitive act that brought her comfort when the party suffocated her. The city glittered below. She rested both hands against the balcony railing and closed her eyes.
Behind her, the party continued without missing a beat. Someone offered her something. A few months ago she would've refused instantly, but now she barely hesitated.
The drugs were no longer exciting. The noise in her head softened, but it was never fully able to be silenced anymore. The pressure eased, but never fully vanished. But for a few hours, at least, that was enough. Numbness was better than the sadness she had felt at seeing that woman in Childe's arms.
The next morning she woke up sprawled on the couch of The Magic Twins' apartment. Her head ached faintly. For a moment she simply stared at the ceiling, trying to remember the last time she'd woken up somewhere that wasn't her own bed. The answer didn't come. It had been a while.
Eventually the man on the floor stirred beside her. "Morning."
She groaned. "No."
He laughed.
Her phone vibrated in her purse against her shoulder. Lumine threw an arm over her eyes as she picked up the call.
"Ying, where are you?" It was Rosalyne.
"At the apartment still," she lied. "Why?"
"You have an interview in two hours. Come to headquarters quickly so we can get you ready for it."
Lumine buried her face in a throw pillow. "Okay."
"See you soon, Ying. Be prompt, please."
Rosalyne hung up.
This was simply what successful people did; work, party, sleep in the most random places. Repeat.
The cycle continued. Day after day. Week after week. It stopped being a cycle and started being her life.