Chapter Text
I was grounded
while you filled the skies
I was dumbfounded by truths
you cut through lies
I saw the rain-dirty valley
you saw Brigadoon
I saw the crescent
you saw the whole of the moon!
— “Whole of the Moon,” The Waterboys
“Jamie? Uh, it’s Trevor. I don’t know why I didn’t just text you. Um, give me a call? I’m so fucking bored, I miss your snoring, heh. Tell me how Philly’s going, are you eating your weight in cheesesteaks? Are the guys treating you alright? Yeah, well, I know you must be so busy. Just, call me back, ok? Ok.”
—
“Hey, saw you were sick, just checking in, text me.”
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![Text message between Trevor and Jamie, displaying Jim at the top with a thumbnail of the two celebrating in their Ducks uniforms. Dated Fri Jan 26 at 7:20 am. J: Hey, I just wanted to let you know J: Everything was ok last night. No problems. A little banged up but surviving. T: Thanks for letting me know. Good to hear [sic] J: Isn’t it super early for you? Didn’t mean to wake you up. T: It’s cool T: You doing ok?](https://i.postimg.cc/D0Cvnmns/postfully-text-message-1782075109945.png)
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“Zeeeeeeeeeee. Z. Pick up. Pick it up. Aw, man, you should be here. Zeeee. Hey, Yorkie, I’m calling Z, come over!”
“Who?”
“Z!”
“Z?”
“You’re so fucking sloppy, man. Z! Trevor.”
“Oh, Trev, hey, what are you doing? You should come out!”
“You dumbass, we’re in Miami.”
“Trev would love this place! I just danced with Bella Hadid you gotta come out.”
“Give me my phone back, York, Jesus. He did not dance with Bella Hadid, he’s an idiot. Yeah, you heard me! You’re an idiot, Yorkie! Oh no, wait, you’re gonna fuck up my hair -”
“…”
“…”
“Ok, I’m back. Your boy’s an animal. I miss you, buddy, this kind of stuff was always more fun with you.”
“Who’re you talking to, JD?”
“Trevor.”
“Who the fuck is Trevor? Come on, these twins wanna meet you. I told them you were the shy type and the one on the left is foaming at the mouth! Everyone loves a winner, JD.”
“Yeah, ok. Look, Z, I gotta go. I hope the ankle’s feeling better. See you soon, I hope. What?! I’m coming! Oh, hey, I’m Jamie, it’s nice to meet you. You saw the game? Yeah? Oh, wow, that’s really nice of you, wow. You want some champagne? Oh, fuck, my phone, one sec -”
—
“Hey, Jim, just checking in, you never called me after and that Pens game was brutal. Just let me know you’re good, ok?”
—
“I fucked up. Something got me, Z, I don’t know, I don’t know, but something’s not right. Inside. It hurts, Z. Real bad. I feel like I gotta tell Coach. He’s going to kill me. Come to my funeral, ok? Ha. Heh. Oh, fuck, I shouldn’t laugh.”
—
—
—
“Hello?”
“Uh, hi, who is this? Is Jamie there?”
“Oh, is this Trevor? Hi, I’m Tara, Jamie’s told me so much about you.”
“Uhhh…”
“He’s in his PT appointment.”
“Ok…Um, how’s he doing?”
“Oh god, so great. He’s a fighter, you know. So focused. I love that about him.”
“Right. Well, mind telling him I called?”
“Sure thing! Nice to talk to you, Trevor, I know he misses you a bunch. You should come out to Philly sometime, we’d love to hang.”
“Yeah, maybe. Thanks, Tara.”
—
—
“Jim? Ow, oh, fuck, dropped the phone on my face. I know you can’t answer because you’re off being the thing that goes bump in the night but I’m lying on this beach and I’m looking at this giant fucking moon and I was thinking about you. Duh. I have so much sand in my hair, it’s so gross. Is it fall there? Are the leaves going crazy? Is it so goddamn gorgeous? Fuck I miss the stupid leaves. Everything here is just beautiful and sunny every day and it’s like, mocking me. Does that make sense? Probably not I don’t know what I’m saying. I miss you so fucking much but I’m happy for you, I mean that. But I think maybe we’re like the weather; we’ll never have another big fight about the dirty dishes and you’ll never almost burn our house down again by letting the lint filter get all clogged up in the dryer, like, I hope you’re not doing that now that you have your own place, it’s super dangerous. And I’ll never invite people over too late and wake you up and you’ll never come downstairs all sleepy and give me that disappointed fucking look. We’ll never, we’ll never be chilling on the roof when the absolutely most perfect song comes on and it’s like living in a movie. We’ll always be basically cool and the same and we might as well be nothing at all. No, I don’t mean that, I just, it was so good and now it’s over and I don’t like when things are over. It’s…whatever. I’ll probably delete this. Does any of this make sense? Do you remember when we drove out to Joshua Tree and I played the U2 album in the morning and we ate those breakfast sandwiches from that gas station? That was good. Ugh. I wanna not know how good it was.”
—
—
“Z, dammit, why aren’t you answering, Z, I…I…fuck, I got caught in traffic of all things, I got back too late, it’s too late… I had to pick a fight with Tara to get her to go stay at her friend’s place. I yelled at her, Z, I’ve never yelled at her. Fuck. I, I’m gonna lock myself in the bathroom now. I’m scared, Z, I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t like being locked up, the wolf doesn’t. Ok, ok, I have to try to calm down, I’m gonna do that breathing exercise we used to do, I need to - oh, fuck, it’s starting, it’s starting, Z. I wish you were he-aghhhrararrrrrghrrrrrrraaaaaowwwwwwwwwwoooooooooo”
—
“Hey, Trev, I know I’m calling too early, I’m a coward but it’s just easier to talk your voicemail. I shouldn’t have called you the other day, that was messed up, it’s not your problem. I don’t know why I always reach for you, like you don’t have a life of your own. I just, I need to stand on my own two feet, I got too used to relying on you but it’s been so long and I’m still hanging my issues on you…god, I don’t know, you don’t need to call me back. I’m sorry, Z, for a bunch of things. Be good, man.”
“Jim? Jim, I’m here. Jim?”
“[dialtone]”
“Shit.”
—
“Trevor?”
“Did you hear?”
“Danny just told me. Is this for real?”
“I think it is, man, I gotta talk to Pat but it sounds pretty real.”
“Holy shit. Z. Holy shit.”
“I know.”