Chapter Text
❄◌✴︎˚Hyunjin｡✴︎◌❄
It feels like they’ve barely closed the door to their room before someone knocks on it. Seungmin enters, followed by Jisung. Hyunjin’s eyes dart over to Chan, who pauses in the middle of taking his shirt off. He drags it back down hurriedly when he sees them. Apprehension is most prominent of the emotions filling the room.
Seungmin has to elbow him before Jisung says, “Chan, I wanted to apologize. If I hadn’t kissed you, tonight wouldn’t have been so… much.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Sung,” Hyunjin says immediately, though he falls quiet when Seungmin shakes his head at him and tips it toward Chan.
“Um, he’s right, Jisung,” Chan begins as a blush starts to spread across his cheeks. “I don’t regret it. I just… don’t see why you guys would risk yourselves for me. I’m basically a stranger. You’ve been so kind to me already, you shouldn’t feel like you need to do anything else.”
Hyunjin makes a small, distressed sound as he moves to Chan’s side, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Minho had told him to explain things to Chan, and that’s exactly what he’ll do. With a little pressure, he leads Chan to sit on the bed, gesturing to the others to join them with his other hand. Jisung comes around the other side to basically sit between them while Seungmin sinks down just behind him.
“Listen, Channie,” Hyunjin begins. Seungmin’s weight against him is a comfort. “Growing up at the palace, life was so different for you. From what you’ve told me, and what Felix has seen, I know that you aren’t used to people caring for you, Chan, rather than the crown prince.”
Chan is clearly feeling a lot. The confusion, shame, self hatred, and longing are all tangled up in him. Hyunjin hates that this is where he is emotionally. Since the moment they met, he’s felt such a strong mix of negative emotions from the man; it breaks his heart. The worst is times like now: when he strongly believes that he’s making the logical choice, when he obviously feels that they’re a temporary part of his life, when he’s accepted that he’s living on borrowed time.
Taking it all in, Hyunjin pauses, but Seungmin is there to pick up where he left off. “Love and care aren’t supposed to be transactional, Chan. They aren’t on a strict timeline either. We get that you might not understand that, might not see that you’re deserving of it, but that doesn’t change the truth.”
Jisung takes one of Chan’s hands in both of his. “We really do care about you, Chan. We don’t want to let anything bad happen to you.”
Hyunjin loves the two of them for helping him like this. They must’ve come for this reason, knowing it can get overwhelming for Hyunjin with all the emotions riding high. They’re always there for each other, just the way they want to for Chan.
“Not if we can help it,” Seungmin adds, ever the pragmatist. “And when bad things do come, we’re willing to–”
“No, we want to,” Jisung interjects.
“–we want to be there to support you however we can. Even if it gets hard,” Seungmin concludes, looking to Hyunjin now.
He knows that Chan is starting to fall for them, the same way they’re all falling for him. Some faster than others, but Hyunjin isn’t wrong. He can almost see the love blooming in them all. But he also knows that Chan isn’t used to receiving freely given affection. The way he talked about his “friends” growing up and his lack thereof as an adult. His closest relationship had been with the woman who only cared enough to have him killed for a crown rather than taking him out herself.
Chan is listening to the two of them and trying to fight against what he knows. Hyunjin wishes he’d positioned Seungmin in front of himself so it wouldn’t be as obvious that he’s using his power, but he wants to help. He just hopes Chan doesn’t see it as another person attempting to manipulate him.
Hyunjin pushes against those negative feelings threatening to engulf him. He pulls forward the relief their words evoke, the budding safety and the gossamer faith in them. He knows he can’t take away his fear and doubt, but he can battle it. And he will. For as long as he needs to, until Chan doesn’t need help to know he’s worthy of love and truly believes they’re willing to give it and be there for him without expectation of some kind of quid pro quo.
A thought comes to him that makes him want to cry. Hyunjin adds his hand atop Chan and Jisung’s linked ones. “Channie, when’s the last time you felt loved?” He asks. He knows that the answer will only elevate everyone’s distress, but he hopes it’ll help anyway.
Chan blinks at him a few times then looks down at their hands. A wave of despair is cresting in him, and it’s as if Hyunjin hadn’t been working on bringing up Chan’s positivity at all. It crashes against him hard enough that when Chan’s first tear falls, he slumps back against Seungmin. Arms wrap around him as if on instinct, and he sees Jisung’s eyes go wide when his own flicker back to brown.
Chan keeps his eyes down when he says, “I know my father loved me.”
The man’s father died over ten years ago.
Hyunjin gets back to work, soothing him the best he can, trusting Jisung and Seungmin to reign in their own emotions until he can focus on more than just Chan.
Jisung wraps his arms around the prince with a sniffle and says tearily, “Oh Chan, I’m sorry you’ve been alone for so long.” It’s a relief when the older man returns it, burying his face into his neck.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” Hyunjin tells him, voice stronger than he feels. He squeezes the arm Seungmin has wrapped around his waist. His head is starting to throb.
“All we want is to care for you. I know it’s hard to accept after what you’ve experienced,” Seungmin says, tightening his grip. “You don’t have to do anything. Just do what you have been: try to be open with us, let Hyunjin help to soothe your nightmares, and try to heal.”
Chan seems to nod, which is good enough for Hyunjin. He turns back to press a kiss to Seungmin’s cheek before whispering, “Thanks, Min. I think we better just try to sleep now. I think I can get him there. Can you handle Sung?”
“Of course,” Seungmin murmurs against his temple, giving a kiss of his own. “Are you okay, though?”
Hyunjin nods and receives another kiss.
Then Seungmin is moving, walking around to the other side of the bed. He cards a hand through Chan’s hair at the same time that his other comes to rest on Jisung’s shoulder. “You’ll get there,” he says softly.
Hyunjin shifts forward, pulling lightly at Chan’s arm. “Let’s go to sleep, Channie, Jisungie.”
Jisung allows Seungmin to take him into his arms and lead him toward the door. They both mumble their goodbyes. Jisung stops to hug Hyunjin and whisper his love, then they’re off to their own room.
Chan finally meets Hyunjin’s eyes again. The hurt is so prevalent, but the hope is shining through, too. Silently, the two of them finish getting ready for bed, and Hyunjin blows out the candles, leaving them in the dark. They lay facing each other. Hyunjin wipes the tears from Chan’s cheek, leaving his hand cupped there against it.
“I’ll try,” Chan whispers.
Hyunjin gives him a small smile. “Thank you.”
He resists the urge to give him a kiss goodnight as well. Instead, he moves his hand and allows Chan to turn over. He cuddles around him, continuing to push his anxiety and sadness. Luckily, it doesn’t take long before the exhaustion overtakes both of them, sending them into blissfully dreamless sleep.
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Morning comes all too soon.
For a brief moment, the only feeling in the air is contentment. Then consciousness settles in, bringing with it the anxiety and uncertainty of the night before.
“Channie,” Hyunjin mumbles into Chan’s hair. He pulls him in tight, relishing the surge of fondness that comes with the movement. Last night had been difficult, but there’s another part of it that they barely touched on. Hyunjin decides it’s worth checking in about; it might even help things along to an extent. He says his name softly again, and after the responding hum asks, “Can I ask you something personal?”
Chan turns onto his back to look at him, but thankfully he doesn’t move out of Hyunjin’s embrace. Confusion is painted on his face. “Sure.”
“How was your first kiss with Jisungie?”
The blush that creeps across Chan’s face is so pretty. “First kiss?” He asks as if he hasn’t yet realized that there’s the possibility of more. When Hyunjin just gives him an encouraging smile, he goes on. “It, um, it was very nice.”
That shyness from their first night sharing a bed is back. It’s adorable and so much nicer to have at the forefront of the emotional sphere along with that good kind of apprehension - the kind that accompanies budding feelings of attraction.
“Ji is a great kisser,” Hyunjin says, pretending to ponder it. “He might even be the best. Though, I suppose you’d have to kiss more of us to find out if that’s true.”
It’s cute the way Chan squirms under his attention, blush deepening and spreading down to his chest. That apprehension is rearing its head again, though.
Softening, Hyunjin tells him, “Even if you never want to kiss him, or any of us again, that doesn’t change anything we talked about last night. And we don’t have to talk about it again now. I just thought it was worth bringing up the fun part of last night.”
Chan smiles at that last bit, as he hoped he would. “It was fun. I do want to believe you. And I… I would like to know the rules about kissing him again. And you, any of you.”
Hyunjin can’t help the smile that breaks over his face. “The rules? I’m not sure there’s anything so official as that.”
Before he can go on, Chan surprises him a little bit. “You know this is new to me. Not unwritten rules of kissing, that is familiar.” He pauses, his own smile wry. “Though I’m sure it was different than it is here. I know what you told me before, and now Minho has made it clear that he at least thinks it’s silly for me to worry about upsetting anyone.”
“Not just him,” Hyunjin adds. “None of us were upset about Jisung. Our biggest concern was actually that he made you feel pressured–”
“He didn’t pressure me,” Chan rushes to assure him. “He was very sweet, and I wanted to. It was a lot nicer than I’m used to. I knew I didn’t have to worry about what he wanted from me after. I only really remembered to worry when Felix and Jeongin arrived.”
Hyunjin sighs. He brought this up to lighten the mood after last night and to remind Chan that their affections are different from what he experienced at court. “You’ll never have to worry about that with us.”
Chan’s face falls at that. “There’s nothing I can give anyone now but trouble,” he says under his breath, but they’re too close for Hyunjin to miss it.
He brushes a curl off of Chan’s forehead. He drags his knuckles across his cheek before bringing his hand down to rest his palm on the center of his chest. Hyunjin’s tone is resolute as he says, “That’s not true, Chan. You have plenty to give. You have a beautiful heart. Anyone who has spent time actually trying to know you can see that. That’s why you’re beloved by the people. The queen and the nobles couldn’t take that from you, even after all these years.”
Chan’s eyes are beginning to get a bit glassy, but Hyunjin can feel how his words are landing. Chan’s been around them long enough to believe the depth of Hyunjin’s understanding, especially considering the things he’s learned from Felix and Chan himself in the time he’s stayed with them.
Still, Hyunjin doesn’t want any tears to fall this morning, so he brings things back to where they started. He clears his throat. “So you wanted to know the rules? They’re simple. If you want to kiss any one of us, all you have to do is tell us or ask for it. In fact, sometimes you only need to share a look.” He moves in a bit closer, so that their lips are just centimeters apart. Curiosity and desire alights the air around them. “I know how the guys feel, but for now, I’ll just speak for myself and say that I’d love to kiss you, when you’re ready.”
Chan brushes his nose against Hyunjin’s in an eager nod. The first touch of their lips is featherlight. He leans back to look the prince in the eyes. That hope he worked so hard to bring forward last night is right there in Chan’s eyes.
He goes in for another kiss, this time with more fervor. When he slides his tongue along the seam of Chan’s lips, they part easily. Their tongues dance as he finally allows himself to wrap an arm around Chan’s waist to pull him flush against himself. Chan’s own hand finds its way into Hyunjin’s hair, pulling ever so softly.
Before things can heat up any more than that, the door opens and they hear Jeongin say, “Jinn– Oh my gods, why is it always me!”
Hyunjin and Chan jolt apart, looking toward the door in surprise, just in time to watch Jeongin dramatically cover his eyes. Hyunjin is laughing as Chan starts to apologize.
“It’s fine!” Jeongin says, lowering his hand. He sighs. “I was supposed to make sure you guys were up. We’re getting packed up so we can head out in an hour or so for Bin’s parents’ place.”
He leaves without waiting for a response. Hyunjin and Chan look back at each other and burst into another round of giggles. Hyunjin gives him one last quick peck on the lips before rolling to get out of bed.
“You might have to kiss Innie next so he can’t walk in on you again,” Hyunjin jokes, but he doesn’t miss the flare of desire from Chan at the suggestion.
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