Chapter Text
It was a crisp 4:43 laying on his side staring out his window at the early morning hours. Maybe if I just do one more I’ll feel acquitted from my sins. Travis carefully lifted his quilt and gently got on his knees I front of his bed to grab a little paper envelope, He thought it was genius to tape it to his bed frame. Inside was a razor that would typically be used for sour dough slicing or something along the lines of that.
Travis locked his door with caution, he knelt down in front of his window just enough light emitting to see. Like a ritual he raised his sleeve scattered with various stages of healing wounds . The poor boy was losing space so he resorted to reopening the already healed cuts. He knew it would hurt more than usual, but in a sick way he truly thought he deserved to feel that pain. With his right hand he held the razor on gently pressed the razor onto his arm. Travis gradually applied more force to feeling the blade dig deeper followed by pooling blood trailing the razor. He clench’s his teeth together exhaling a deep breathe. He lifted the blade from his arm. The same empty feeling after, maybe next time will be the last. He got up and reached for a tissue to clean his blade off before returning it to his hiding spot. Then came dealing with the after math of his mini surgery.
It was now 5:03 a reasonable time to get up to head to the bathroom without causing suspicion. He turned on one set of the lights making the bathroom dimly lit. the bright light was to much that early in the morning.
He grabbed a cotton pad and placed it over the cut, eventually the bleeding slowed down enough to call it a day on that. Travis didn’t care for after care, to him if it got infected then the better it was that meant he was repenting and paying for his sins.
He got ready in his room, it was now 5:27 his father usually leaves around 5:40. He really had no idea what his father was doing so early since the church was only started at 7:15. Travis always just figured he must have a mistress. In the mean time he would kneel down resting his elbows on his bed with a rosary in hand and started his daily morning prayers. By the time he was done pleading to whatever god would listen at this point, his father was ready and had left. Travis did a quick sweep of the house to double check that his father had left. The bleach blond boy then snuck into his father’s room, it felt so wrong he was only allowed to enter when his father said. Travis made a b line to his father dresser in the third drawer under his clothes lays a bottle of pills his father was prescribed…….hopefully. He felt extra bold and slipped four white pressed pills. He put them into a little sandwich bag, then gently put everything back where it was originally leaving the room looking undisturbed.
‘Please god forgive me for stealing, I will repay you ‘ Travis thought to himself
“ I want a cigarette maybe I should walk past the rail way tracks someone always leaves buds there “ Travis said speaking to himself, it made the house feel slightly less empty sometimes. Travis held onto his little treasures he knew what his plans were going to be after church ended today. He grab his school bag and put his shoes on. It was a little bit of a chilly morning so he put on some loose fitting jeans to stay a bit more warm. Just as he suspected there was a few cigarettes buds he picked up that still had a decent amount of tobacco inside.
‘ what loser leaves his much left whatever more for me I guess’
Travis used his secret mini bic lighter to light the buds he took a long drag and exhaled a cloud of smoke. The rush hit him and he felt amazing. To bad it was only for a couple seconds then it was over, forever chasing rush. Travis could have cared less if he went to school smelling like cigarettes. Anyways by the time he finished his walk to school the smell was aired out by the wind mostly. Travis was very anxious in school, Travis swore he could feel his heart beating out of his chest anytime he walks near classes Sals usually in, How stupid how pathetic he always thought. Travis stared to pick on Sal to cope with his attraction to the other boy. How wrong he wasn’t supposed to feel this way, just another reason to keep adding to his cut count.
Travis would find himself hiding from everyone in the bathroom stalls. He couldn’t stand how people would look at him. Travis cried to himself rocking back and forth having a panic attack. It was a futile attempt to comfort himself, What a wreck. Travis always feared that sal would think he was pathetic for crying like a child.
Travis wiped his tears away existing the stall to check if anyone was in the washroom. Travis locked the bathroom door, he knelt down in front of the school toilet. He shoved two fingers down his throat forcing him to gag and throw up. Travis didn’t want to admit it however he struggled with a binge eating disorder. He felt so guilty after indulging in the schools bologna sandwich. Once Travis decided he had done enough he made his way to the sinks rinsing out his mouth and cleaning himself up a little bit. It was only a couple minutes so normally no one would notice the bathroom being locked. He finished his little after lunch ritual unlocking the door keeping his head down to avoid eye contact with anyone. Travis walked down the hallway that had little groups of friends hanging in their respective circle. Travis wasn’t apart of any of those, no one wanted to hang out with the anger pastors son after all. Travis was Deep into his thinking and hadn’t realized someone was in his way. He dumped into the person in front of him, it was Sal. Travis had accidentally knocked over one of sals books, Sal was trying to hand Ashley a sketchbook to look at and some doodles too .
fate had other plans
“What the fuck Travis, stop being such a dick to sal. I know you definitely did that on purpose “ Ashley spat at Travis
“Hold on ash I’m sure it was a accident, maybe Travis was having a rough night “ Sal sounded like he was defending Travis
Travis stared at Sal for a moment a little shocked he tried to keep his face as neutral as possible.
‘ that’s jus a coincidence right, no way he see me last night no one else really walks back there ‘ he thought to himself
“ I wasn’t looking I was distracted “ Travis Managed to jumble enough words out together to hopefully explain what just happened, travis reached down to pick sals sketch book up for him and walked away simply leaving it as that
“…….. I think that the nicest interaction with Travis like….. ever…” Ashley said to Sal as they watched Travis walk away rather fast
“ see kindness pays off , I think I’m rubbing off on him a little “ Sal said sarcastically bumping his shoulder into Ashley’s arm
“ he looked kinda…… I don’t know…… sleep deprived?on eadge? More stranger than usual “ Ashley questioned
Sal didn’t want to spill to Ashley what Larry and him seen the other night regarding Travis quite yet he needed more answers before saying anything
“I see what you mean, maybe he’ll come around to talking to us soon “
“ that’s all you man I for one will not be talking to that asshole “ Ashley said slightly laughing off sals remark. Sal and Ashley walk off to go meet up with Larry and Todd.
‘ I can’t believe I did that you’re so stupid, you can’t even say thanks for the forgiveness.
He probably doesn’t even like boys, not that I would care, he probably has a crush on Ashley and wants nothing to do with me, it’s better for me to push away rather than be hurt like that, I deserve nothing with him ‘
Travis trails off on an endless rant in his head at least Travis made it to his last class, luckily he has a spare for his last class this afternoon. Taking summer school did pay off in the long run I guess. Class felt like it was carrying on and on, nothing the teacher was saying was engaging or worth tuning in for. Travis would rather just get straight to the paper work and book explanations. Until he lost interest and sat there for the rest of the class thinking about his next cigarette and now his next rush. ( I just know Travis would love a mint vape )
After drawing enough random things on his papers the bell went off and they were dismissed. Travis shoved his things in his backpack and made hast towards the exit
Normally he’s more aware of his surroundings, but this time he let his guard down a little too much. Travis had stopped for a moment to pull out his iPod and earbuds and started his liked playlist, then he carried on to his favourite spot to look for cigarette buds.
Sal was the only one out of all of them to have a spare at the end of the day, his friends boasted about how jealous they where and how they might die from boardroom at least Larry an Ashley, Todd and maple didn’t mind school as much. Sal made up a decent excuse to not hangout with them after school today. Sal had some other plans. Sal wanted to see if his suspension was right and that Travis was using drugs and planing something deeper than they all thought. Only makes sense since they thought Travis’s father was a cult leader or member rather than a normal pastor. No other reasons…….. Sal gather his belongings and said his byes to friends. He wanted to wait long enough to make a decent distance between them so Travis wouldn’t catch on so quick.
Sal noticed he put his earbuds in, perfect if he steps on a branch or something of sorts Travis wouldn’t notice
Hopefully.
Travis was enjoying the clouded windy afternoon maybe it would even rain. Travis made it to the rain way tracks and started to look for his next victim.
Sal was standing quite far back and covered by enough greenery to shield him.
‘What is he doing, is he looking for something ‘ Sal was running theories through his mind
Travis finally found his golden nugget, a perfectly fine king size smoke he couldn’t tell what brand but he didn’t care as long as it was dry and relatively clean he was happy. Travis reached into his backpack and grabbed his tiny bic lighter and lit his smoke, continuing to look for anymore that seemed good enough.
‘The pastors son is smoking …….i thought I seen it all, this feels like the least bad thing he’s done so far ‘ Sal thought to himself.
A hornet then flew near sals ear, sal was tweaking out about the hornet, he looked as if he was doing a rain dance to ry and get the hornet away. Unfortunately this got him caught. Travis looked over hearing a bunch of commotion going on, usually it’s quieter not so erratic nature sounds.
“Is that Is that sally face “ he mumbled staring directly at where Sal was observing. He quickly put out his cigarette hoping Sal didn’t see him just smoking. That was more wishful thinking than anything.
Travis turned to walk away then he heard Sal yelling out to him to wait.
Travis turned back around and seen Sal running towards him.
‘It was kinda cute how his piggy tails bounced and how he was holding onto his bag to make sure his pins didn’t fall off from all the movement. …….
No no no i can’t be thinking like that about sally face. He’s into Ashley after all. I’m such a faggot for thinking this I need to repent’ Travis went on another tangent before he knew it Sal was right inform of his face. Travis was pretty tall Sal was so tiny compared to Travis. travis backed away,
“ why are you getting so close cut it out man want me to beat your ass “ Travis knew he didn’t mean it
“You smell like cigarettes, I know your father doesn’t smoke and you just came from school.. I also did see you …… I swear I wasn’t watching long I also just stumbled along the rail tracks too “ Sal blurted out
Travis was kinda taken aback “ i guess it’s to late to try and deny it, you caught me are you going to make me pray for my sins now” Travis rolled his eyes and he pulled his cigarette back out and lit it again. Blowing the smoke in sals face.
“ hey man don’t do that please, look I’m not making you do those messed up punishments, to be honest. I was really just worried about you—“
“- no there’s no need to be concerned for me, I’m not your friend your not mine. It’s as simple as that you shouldn’t be caring about what I’m doing haven’t I expressed that enough to you and your silly little friends “
Sal was stunned a little nothing knowing quite what to say back just yet he had to think fast , Sal sat on the rail way track reached into his bag and pulled out a smaller bag, inside was a almost new pack of smoke.
“ listen, Larry buys these for me every once in a while I’m not a big smokers it’s really only for when I’m stressed and need to go on a night walk, lately I haven’t been doing that as much. So I was thinking maybe you would use it more than me.” Sal extended his hand to Travis with the pack of smoke on his palm.
Travis processes this for a moment, his body moves without him thinking. Travis sits beside Sal leaving a little bit of a distance between the boys.
Sal quickly snatches the smoke back
“ only on a couple conditions “ Sal said I bet he was even smiling.
“ I’ll hear you out “ Travis replied Travis than flicked his finished smoke somewhere in the distance.
“ first you and me will become friends, second you will lighten up on the verbal abuse you spew on my friends, third we don’t keep secrets “ Sal said while holding the smokes over Travis face dangling them like a treat for a dog.
Travis try’s to grab the smokes from sals clutches
“ okay…. That sounds fine. I’m not being any more nice though to them “
“ deal “ Sal opened the pack and pulled out two cigarettes resting them on his lap, Sal reached up behind his mask to unbuckle the lower clasps. He slightly moved his mask to the side enough to get the cigarette to his mouth comfortably, almost all of his lower face was exposed to Travis.
Travis watched in awe as Sal did that, Travis couldn’t help but hold his breath tracing sals face with his eyes, really taking in how beautiful he was.
‘how could Sal feel so comfortable doing that in front of me after I said all these awful things ‘
Travis thoughts came to an abrupt end when Sal picked up the other cigarette placing it in Travis lips, Sal leaned in close touching the tips of the cigarette together as he used a lighter to ignite both cigarettes at the same time.
Travis’s cheeks flushed with red from the romantic gesture from the cute boy sitting right beside him. Sal returned to sitting normally while Travis was stuck still facing Sal. Trying to process what he just did to him.
Sal took a long drag, Travis watched the smoke expel from sals mouth. Travis couldn’t help but admire how Sal looked underneath his mask he suddenly yearned to see all of him.
All of him