Chapter Text
Neil was sure Nicky was making a grave mistake. When Nicky first asked him to be his best man, Neil assumed it was because both of the twins had already rejecting him. Based on the angry phone call Nicky had gotten right after his proposal and Andrew's pointed silence for the rest of the night, neither had been consulted on this decision at all.
Neil couldn't lie and say he wasn't flattered. Nicky was probably his first friend, and even though he was a chronically sarcastic man, there was something serious in his eyes as he was talking to Neil.
Neil did try to say no at first, so whenever something inevitably went wrong, he could claim plausible deniability. He'd never been to a wedding, and the only married people he was familiar with were his parents.
He was pretty sure Patrick DiMaccio was his father's best man, and the thought made Neil shiver. It probably didn't help the comparison when Neil had immediately offered to kill Erik.
Looking back, that might have been an overreaction. Nicky had shown up out of the blue, acting weird and surrounded by nervous energy. Something felt off, and if Erik was the reason for that, he needed to be eliminated. The man was nice enough, but Neil knew looks could be deceiving.
Unfortunately, what was haunting Nicky was scarier than that: wedding planning.
Neil had no clue what a best man did besides stand next to the groom at the altar. After Nicky had left Seattle to sooth an irritated Aaron in Chicago, Neil called the next best person for advice— Matt.
"You're the best man Neil?! Congrats man. You'd think he'd have forced one of the twins into doing it."
"I said that too, but at some point he made an analogy that it's like asking a cat to bake a pie. It doesn't want to and you won't get a good pie."
Matt laughed at that. Neil's actual cat purred from where he was sitting on his stomach. Nicky had made the analogy after King had taken a swipe at him for trying to pet him, and Nicky claimed it reminded him of teen-aged Andrew. Andrew had then asked Nicky if he wanted to test that theory out again.
It was the first words Andrew had said to Nicky since the proposal and Nicky had wisely declined.
"So, what are you going to do for the bachelor party?" Matt asked after a pause.
"About that," said Neil, "What exactly is a bachelor party?"
Matt sighed.
Neil should have never listened to Nicky. Nicky was a bad man full of bad ideas, and now Neil had to plan a party. Matt had explained the concept to him, a celebration of a soon-to-be-married man's last night of freedom.
"What do you mean, last night of freedom?" Neil had asked.
"It's the night before they get married, so it's like saying you have one last night to do whatever you want before you're tied down to that one person. It's for Nicky to celebrate his freedom before he belongs to Erik," Matt patiently explained.
"Belongs to Erik? Nicky won't belong to us anymore?"
This was a concerning development.
"That's just how society sees it. Nicky's his own person, Neil, he doesn't belong to anyone."
Neil rolled his eyes even though Matt couldn't see. He could try telling that to Andrew, who moped in bed with a tub of ice cream when Nicky shared news of the engagement.
"So it's a party we throw Nicky, even though it's not his birthday, to celebrate before Erik steals him from us."
"Neil I think you're focusing a bit too much on the Erik part-"
"Thanks Matt!" Neil exclaimed, cutting him off. "I'll talk to you later."
They both knew he was lying, but Matt was such a good friend that he hung up anyways.
Later that night, Matt sent him photos of what a bachelor party usually entailed.
"That's a lot of boobs," Andrew said, peering over Neil's shoulder.
"I don't think this is what Nicky had in mind."
"Probably not."
Neil searched up bachelorette parties, and was immediately met with a plethora of dicks. The genitalia was correct this time, and Nicky would probably enjoy it but Neil would rather sew his mouth shut than drink out of a penis-shaped straw.
"This is going to be impossible," Neil complained to Andrew.
"You're the best man," Andrew said, unsympathetically. "Figure it out."
Months passed and the date of Nicky's wedding drew closer. Neil still had absolutely no idea what to do for the bachelor's party. Besides suggesting a gay strip club and his general enthusiasm, Matt was no help.
"Think of it as a practice for my wedding!" he said one night, and Neil's eyes widened in horror.
If he messed up Nicky's bachelor party, Matt would realize Neil wasn't best man material. If Neil wasn't best man material, Matt would make Jonas his best man. Jonas who was Matt's new teammate and who drank fancy lattes while reading the New York Times. Jonas who Matt had instantly taken a liking to, and who despite multiple background checks from Stuart's men, had no darkness hiding below.
This couldn't stand.
Nicky's bachelor party had to be the best it could be, and as the date drew closer to the wedding, Neil had to finally play his last card.
With great reluctance, Neil pulled out his phone and called Erik.
"Hallo?" Neil had never noticed before how obnoxious his voice was.
"I don't want to take Nicky to a strip club."
"Neil? Is that you?"
"Obviously."
"Did… did Nicky ask you to go to a strip club with him?"
"I'm talking about his bachelor party. Why, did you think Nicky was cheating on you?" There may have been a hint of aggression in Neil's tone.
"No, of course not. You just confused me. It is very late at night here."
"So?"
There was a slight chuckle on the other end of the line.
"Nicky doesn't want you to take him to a strip club. He just wants a fun night with the Foxes, and I'm sure he'd be really happy if you also invited his local friends along."
"Local friends? What local friends?" Neil asked, confused.
"The friends we have here… Work friends, coffee friends, hiking friends, you know."
Neil didn't know, but he wouldn't give Erik the upper hand.
"Send me their numbers. I'll see what I can do."
"Of course, Neil. And one last piece of advice? Call the Klunkerkranich, see if they do large parties. It's the rooftop bar where Nicky and I went on our first date."
Neil hung up without a word but pulled out his computer to look up the bar.
Goddammit.
It looked perfect.
Weeks later, Neil was in Germany, sitting at a bar on a roof and drinking a fruity mocktail through a phallic straw. Nicky's wedding was in a day, and the man was shaking out any pre-wedding nerves by belting out the lyrics to 'Time After Time' on the karaoke machine. Nicky had tried to rope Neil into a duet, and it had taken all of his mother's stealth training to escape him.
"Nice straw," said Andrew, coming up behind him.
Neil scowled. Despite his best efforts as Nicky's best man to throw a dick-free bachelors party, Allison Reynolds had blown in like a hurricane full of bad ideas and penis shaped objects. She had tried to replace the bar's glasses with a more phallic model, and was only stopped by Neil promising to let her plan his outfit for the wedding.
Nicky better appreciate the sacrifices Neil went through for that man. Being Allison Reynolds play-doll for a morning was not an easy thing.
Despite an excess in genitalia, the party was pleasant. Neil had rented out the rooftop bar for the night, and the Foxes had all flown in for the wedding that was tomorrow.
Of course, Nicky's "local" friends were here as well, a handful of boring-looking individuals that Neil was forced to invite. Nicky had squealed when he saw them, running over and engaging in some strange hugging/back slapping ritual Neil was glad he wasn't a part of.
Some of those "local" friends were making their way towards Neil right now, and Neil turned to Andrew to try to avoid making conversation.
Andrew, who had been behind him two seconds ago, and was now gone. Neil frantically scanned the crowd, trying to see if Moriyama agents had kidnapped Andrew without Neil noticing, until he saw Andrew standing in a corner talking to Aaron.
That was suspicious. Not that Neil wasn't glad Andrew and Aaron were getting along, but lately they had been getting along a little too well. For the last week Neil caught them having whispered conversations in hallway corners, going silent when they saw him.
If this were anyone else, Neil would say that they were annoyed Nicky made him the best man.
These were Minyards, however, and Neil knew better than to think they cared about anything as stupid as wedding titles. Still, it was shady, and as best man Neil had to make sure everything went smoothly.
He walked over to the plotting twins, but just as he was about to interrupt them one of Nicky's hiking friends cut in front of him.
"Hello! You are Neil, right? The best man?" said a bubbly looking brunette with a nose ring and hair pulled up in a man-bun.
"Yeah, if you could just excuse me-"
"It is so nice to meet you! I'm Gabriel, Nicky talks about his family in the US all the time. Some of the stories are so crazy we were convinced he was making it all up!"
This had gotten the twins attention, and they turned away from their scheming to face the strange man.
"Well… we exist," said Neil, awkwardly. He made pleading eyes at Andrew to get him out of this conversation. Andrew only gave him a minuscule smirk in return. Neil was on his own.
"I'm so glad you do! Do you like hiking? That's how we met Nicky." Gabriel chattered on, unaware of Neil's despair.
"Hiking is — fine. It's a very convenient way to get rid of somebody."
Gabriel was now looking at Neil strangely, and Neil remembered there was a word he had to add on to statements like those.
"Hypothetically, I mean."
"The word you're looking for is allegedly," muttered Aaron. Neil ignored him.
Luckily, Nicky came in to save Neil from further conversation.
"Neil!" cried Nicky, desperately grabbing onto his arm. "Please save me from Kevin, he's gone crazy."
A scowling Kevin appeared from behind Nicky.
"All I asked is what kind of flowers you will be having as your centerpiece, and the only thing you could tell me was the color."
"Erik took care of the flowers! Why does it even matter?"
Kevin looked to the sky, reminiscent of their days on the Foxes when Kevin made it seem like he couldn't handle one more minute of their stupidity.
"Florals are one of the most important aspects of a wedding, and you can't even name the flowers that you're going to be holding."
"Oh my god Kevin, can you let this go? I think Erik said something about Dahlias, are you happy now?"
Kevin scoffed.
"Dahlias? Those ship horribly. If you didn't buy them from a locally grown boutique, there's no way they're going to look good at the wedding."
"Kevin, since when did you become the worlds leading expert on flowers? I thought Exy was your thing and that's it."
"The art of flower arranging has been around for thousands of years and just because you refuse to take anything seriously doesn't mean -"
Neil began to tune Kevin out. Kevin usually only got this passionate about Exy, and while he was proud of his friend for gaining another interest, he didn't care enough to listen to him rant about it. Even Aaron and Andrew looked slightly confused at this new information about Kevin, and Aaron had to cut in with a snide comment.
"You know, if the whole 'professional Exy player' career doesn't work out, I'm sure the Moriyama's would love to have you as their personal flower arranger."
Kevin cut him a side look and stomped off, looking for a new victim to bitch to about floral centerpieces.
Gabriel opened his mouth again, but Neil was spared from any further conversation when Matt came up to him.
"Neil, you son of a bitch! You did it! You threw a party!" Matt's size meant that his hugs fully eclipsed Neil, but for once he found he didn't mind.
"You like it?" Neil asked.
"Dude, yes. It is so nice up here, and I love any event where the Foxes are all together again," Matt said with a large grin.
Neil found himself grinning back.
"Yeah. I missed you guys."
Matt gave Neil another squeeze in return.
A DJ near the karaoke machine broke up the moment, feedback from his microphone cutting through the room. Neil winced, but it was quickly fixed.
"All right, all right!" The man cried out with enthusiasm. "If you're here to celebrate one Nicky Hemmick's bachelors night, make some noise!"
Neil, Aaron, and Andrew remained silent, but everyone else on the roof cheered.
"We've got a fun evening for you planned, there are unlimited drinks at the bar, games on the lawn, and karaoke for all. Enjoy!" The DJ turned back to his equipment, but not before changing something on the karaoke screen.
Instead of a request for song lyrics, the screen was now displaying a picture. Neil recognized the picture, it was Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky all in their graduation robes. Neil stood with them, and Wymack was taking the photo from behind the camera.
Before Neil could think too much about it, the picture changed. It now showed one of the Foxes' post game parties, with Nicky and Allison obviously drunk and singing something into pretend microphones.
The photos kept moving, showing snapshots of Nicky with the Foxes, with Erik, with his friends in Germany.
Nicky gasped. "Neil, did you do this?" he asked, eyes glinting with the beginnings of tears.
"No," said Neil, confused, "I didn't have anything to do with this."
Nicky obviously loved the slideshow, wiping away tears at every old memory that popped up on screen. Neil tried to figure out who could have possibly put this together, until one of the photos gave it away.
It was a photo of the Minyard-Hemmicks at Eden's Twilight, but from before any of them went to Palmetto. The twins were obviously young, standing in front of dish washing stations. Nicky, in glittery bartending get-up, stood behind them, beaming at the camera. Aaron was flipping the camera off while Andrew was ignoring it entirely.
Neil had never seen this photo before. There was only one place it could have come from, and Neil turned to shoot an accusing glare at the twins. They both ignored him as more photos came on, showing a younger Nicky and even younger Minyards going through puberty.
Aaron had a serious acne problem at 16. Neil stored this away for later.
As more and more photos came in depicting Columbia, Nicky put the pieces together with a gasp.
"Did you guys do this?" he asked, turning to his cousins. Andrew gave no reply, but Aaron shrugged.
"We couldn't let Neil get all the credit for being your 'best man'," Aaron said with mocking finger quotes. So this is what the twins had been planning for the past week. Neil would be offended that Andrew claimed indifference while trying to upstage him, but Nicky was so happy Neil decided to let it go.
"You guys…" Nicky said, visibly tearing up. "Can I hug you?"
Aaron gave another shrug, which Nicky took as permission to squeeze the life out of him. From behind Aaron, Andrew offered a fist bump. Nicky gladly took it.
"You two are the best worst cousins a guy could ask for," Nicky muttered into Aaron's hair.
"Okay, okay, ease up Nicky. We just did this as one final reminder before you leave us for good."
There it was again. That reminder that after tomorrow, Nicky wouldn't be theirs anymore.
Nicky pulled away.
"Wait, what? Why do you guys keep bringing that up?"
"It's your bachelor party Nicky, after you get married you'll belong to Erik instead of us," Neil replied.
Nicky's face scrunched up into that sad and confused expression he'd make whenever Neil didn't understand a pop culture reference.
"Guys, I'm getting married. I'm not dying."
When none of them responded, Nicky sighed.
"Did you really think that just because I'm legally attaching myself to someone else I'd forget about you all?"
Still no response. Nicky's eyes bugged out of his head.
"Oh my god, you guys totally did."
"Nicky-" Andrew said in warning.
"No, no 'Nicky-', you guys are going to listen to me and listen well. I did not sacrifice my sanity and social life to take care of you little shits when I was 20 just to turn around and ditch you because I'm getting married. When you guys agreed to letting me be your guardian, you signed up for the life-long package, buckaroos. You guys can't get rid of me this easily. We had a deal, monthly Skype calls and a minimum of three texts a week. Are you trying to back out of our contract now?"
"You wouldn't let us if we tried," muttered Aaron, but Neil could tell he was pleased.
"I love you guys, all three of you, so, so much. You're my family because I chose you, and me marrying Erik is just expanding my family, not getting a new one."
"Your flower girl seems to think otherwise," said Andrew. The flower girl, Erik's little cousin named Lisa who loved Nicky and seemed to delight in the fact that Nicky would now be her cousin too. Her excited ramblings must have reached the twins.
"Andrew you cannot be jealous of a six-year-old flower girl, okay? I'm being dead serious, she is very excited about walking down the aisle and if I hear a blond man scared her out of doing it so help me God-"
Andrew rolled his eyes, but the upturn of his lip in the corner showed that he was amused. He could try to act as nonchalant as he could, but Neil caught him arguing an hour ago with Lisa over what makes somebody your cousin. Neil shot him a look saying, 'I'm onto you.'
Andrew shot a look back saying, 'You will stay quiet if you want to have any fun tonight in bed.'
Neil couldn't argue with that.
Satisfied that he bludgeoned some emotional maturity into his family, a weepy Nicky wrapped his arm around all three of them and dragged them back into the party.
The rest of the evening passed in high spirits, with the Foxes getting drunker and drunker and the rest of Nicky's friends looking on with slight concern.
When Allison and Dan tried to do a two-person cartwheel and crashed into a table, Neil decided to call it a night.
He and Andrew headed back to the hotel room they had gotten for the week, both undressing in silence and starting to sober up.
"You were totally jealous that Nicky chose me as his best man," Neil whispered into the dark room.
Andrew shut him up with a kiss, and they didn't do much talking after that.