Chapter Text
It's two am on the tenth of December when Soobin's phone rings. He's deep in sleep, only a thin sliver of light from the street filtering under the curtain and into the room, but then the screen of his phone goes white, and the thing keeps vibrating from its spot half buried under the pillow.
Bleary-eyed, he checks the screen. Yeonjunnie-hyung, he reads, a blurry sight. He picks up without a second thought, and it's not until he says hi? that he realises that, at this hour, there might be an emergency.
"Soobinnie," Yeonjun speaks from the other side of the line. He's a little bit pixelated, but Soobin can see his caramel hair and the general shape of his face against a white. brightly illuminated backdrop.
"Hyung? What's... is everything okay?"
"I might have... I might have fucked my knee," pixelated Yeonjun says. He moves around, and the image clears up slightly. He looks pale, his hair messy. Soobin frowns and pushes himself up, reaching to the side and turning the bedside lamp on. His own face, small in the bottom right corner, becomes clearer. He rubs his eyes. "What?"
"I kind of fell down the stairs. Two steps, really. Quite embarrassing. Anyway. My knee sort of came out of the joint," Yeonjun says, flustered.
Soobin shoots up on the bed. "Your knee did WHAT?"
Yeonjun giggles. "Get away from the screen, I don't need to see your nose that up close," he sighs. "Technically speaking, it was the tibia and fibula the ones that--"
"Hyung!" Soobin shrieks. "Are you okay? Are you in the hospital? Did they fix it? Did you call your parents?"
Yeonjun huffs, pushing his hair off his forehead. Soobin spots a figure walk behind him, a doctor, perhaps? "It's fine. I've been here a couple of hours already, I just only felt good enough to scramble through my stuff to get to my phone now. But they already put everything back in its rightful place, and I'm just waiting for the to give me a brace and some painkillers and all that, and then I'm good to go."
Soobin's heart is racing inside his chest. He knows Yeonjun well: there is still no colour on his cheeks, and he can hear the slight shake in his laugh, the last ruffles of fear that hide behind his joking tone.
"Hyung," he croaks, and then stops, unsure what to say. He pushes his hair off his forehead -- he can see in the small image that it looks like a birds' nest. "Are you sure you're okay?" he settles for.
Yeonjun sighs, and turns the camera down to show him his leg, which is resting flat on top of the bed, what looks like cold packs on both sides of the joint. "Yeah. It's all good now, see? All in one piece," he turns the camera back around. "I was going downstairs in my apartment to grab some dinner from the convenience store and I just... slipped, I guess? Luckily, there was someone coming out of the lift at the same time, so they stayed with me and called the ambulance. Then in the hospital I met someone in the waiting room, a guy who had also fucked up his own knee, would you believe that? But he's a swimmer, so he's a bit less fortunate than me. He's super nice. We waited together for a couple of hours, and then the doctor came in to get the thing back in place, and now here I am."
Soobin groans. "Hyung, what the fuck. It's been hours?"
Yeonjun huffs on the other side. "But it's all good now! And I wasn't alone. Say hi, Taehyung-hyung," he chirps, turning his phone again to point at the bed next to him, where a guy with bright red hair and a boxy smile is sitting in a similar position, cold packs on his knee too. The boy waves at him. "Hello, Soobin-ssi!" he says, far too bubbly for someone whose joint has decided to dislodge itself from its place. Soobin wonders if he's on any pain medication.
"Hi? Hello."
Yeonjun moves the phone back to his face. "See? I'm in good company. We exchanged phone numbers and all."
Soobin huffs. Of course Yeonjun would make friends in the hospital waiting room.
"Hyung."
Yeonjun pouts. "Really, I'm all good now. I just... I just wanted to let you know. See a friendly face."
Soobin feels his heart clench. "Yeonjunnie-hyung. I'm so sorry I can't be there. I want to run to the airport and take a plane and give you a hug and feed you ramyeon until you recover."
Yeonjun chuckles, but it's a bit wet, noticeable even through Soobin's crappy phone speaker.
"It's fine. I can't dance for a couple of months, obviously, but I'll recover. I'm training to be a physiotherapist, have you forgotten? I know what I'm talking about."
Soobin smiles. "I know, hyung. But still."
They've called once a week all year, except the day Soobin started his internship over summer, when he'd been so exhausted he'd passed out asleep as soon as he'd made it home, and the time Yeonjun went on a trip to Jeju with his dance team. Still, the small, pixelated Yeonjun Soobin sees through the screen of his phone is not enough, and he wishes he could talk to his best friend in person every time.
"Have you talked to your parents yet?" he asks, shaking his head. "They'll want to know."
Yeonjun shakes his head. "Not yet. You're the first person I called. I'll talk to them tomorrow, I didn't want to wake them up."
Soobin sighs. He feels warmth in his chest. His heart is still beating too fast, the urge to somehow teleport to the hospital and make sure Yeonjun's knee is patched up immediately mixed with the relief over the injury being minor. He knows Yeonjun is beating himself up over having ran down the stairs, over not having paid enough attention. He could hear the wavering regret in the back of his voice, even when he was trying to make light of the situation. Yeonjun loves dancing. He must be beating himself up right now, even when he's pretending to be fine. He knows he's not.
"Is there... is there someone that can come pick you up?" Soobin asks. He's not sure what hurts more, the fact that he can't be the one that picks him up and holds his hand and brings him a tub of mint chocolate ice cream, or the implication behind his question. He hates himself for asking it anyway, for fishing for information.
"Yeah," Yeonjun replies, eyes flickering down, the pink that bursts in his cheeks obvious in the bright white light of the hospital. "Yeah, I'll call Kai- yes."
They haven't spoken about partners in the whole year. Soobin has been too scared to ask. He hasn't had anything to tell. He needs to work on himself before he dates again, he figured last year. He has no intention of leading someone on again while he waits for emotions that might or might not appear, not when he already has feelings for someone else. Yuta had shown him that a nail does not always drive out another, and, if it's within his control, he never again wants to see someone look at him the way Yuta did when he broke it off.
He's not too sure why Yeonjun hasn't shared anything of that part of his life, either. Not that he wants to hear. Yeonjun still seems to walk on eggshells around him, sometimes. Soobin is terrified that the year he pushed him away really hurt him so much that now the older is still scared that he'll scare him off, like a wild animal, despite all the effort Soobin has put into mending their relationship. Not that it has been a lot of effort, either. They had fit back into each other at the speed of light. But he's seen his instagram, he's seen just how many photos Yeonjun has uploaded where he's posing next to a tall man from his dance club, Hueningkai. Kai.
"All right. That's good," Soobin replies. He doesn't pry any further.
The thought that Yeonjun called him before anyone else flutters to the front of his mind, but he forcefully pushes it right back where it came from.
"I think the nurse is about to come," Yeonjun says after a brief pause. "He said he'd bring me a pair of crutches and then I would be free to go."
Soobin hums. He curses the distance once again.
"Keep me posted, hyung. Please. Call me as soon as you get home safely."
Yeonjun chuckles. "Soobin-ah, it's the middle of the night. I won't wake you up again. I already bothered you enough."
"I'm happy you called me," his mouth says before he can stop it. "I wish I was there," he adds, more slowly. He needs Yeonjun to know this.
Yeonjun gives him the smallest, tightest smile, but his eyes are bright and shiny. "I wish you were here, too."
...
Landing in Seoul for winter break gives Soobin a feeling of deja vu. The airport looks the same, the Christmas decorations scattered around the shops at the arrivals area. This time, there is no Yeonjun coming to pick him up, although not for lack of trying. Soobin had to made him swear he wouldn't come. The thought makes him smile a little.
He finds his way to the train service to the city centre easily. He knows what lines he needs to take to get to Yeonjun's house later, too. He has everything ready, he has checked everything several times over the past two weeks. It's a bit strange to not go home for the winter break, but he can't wait to spend two weeks at Yeonjun's place. Besides, he'll get to spend a bit more than a week at home after that, for seollal. He'll get to see his parents, and Tori, and drop by Seokjin's cafe even if too late for the Christmas cake.
Yeonjun won't be going back home this year. He has insisted time and time again that he's fine to travel, despite his knee being in a brace, but both Soobin and his family had refused, insisting that he avoid long journeys and stays in Seoul instead. When Soobin had suggested spending Christmas in the city instead, Yeonjun had been convinced. Two weeks of just them two, Soobin living in Yeonjun's sofa bed, Yeonjun insisting he can show Soobin all of Seoul from his crutches.
Soobin knows he will stop him. No long trips in the subway, no tourism involving stairs, no long standing up hours in the museums. He's there to visit Yeonjun, not Seoul.
The thought fills him with giddiness.
Yeonjun had sent him the code to open his apartments door. Soobin still knocks before he puts it in, letting Yeonjun know he's about to come in. His heartbeat is ringing in his ears. He's never been inside Yeonjun's space, not like this. He's seen the inside of his house through video call, he's spent more hours than he can contain his childhood bedroom, but he's never been inside Yeonjun's current space like this.
The door opens with a click. He grabs the handle of his suitcase and pulls it in. He's barely crossed the doorstep, a hello, hyung on his lips when he finds himself with a handful of Yeonjun in his arms. He lets go of his suitcase, startled, wrapping his arm around Yeonjun's waist to steady him.
"Soobinie!" Yeonjun greets, making Soobin laugh and hold him tighter.
He still uses the same shampoo, his soft hair tickling Soobin's neck.
"Hyung! Your crutches!" Soobing huffs when he notices the crutch that rests against the side of the sofa, a couple of metres away from the door.
"It's fine, it's fine. I have very good balance."
Soobin doesn't let go, but he pinches Yeonjun's side teasingly. "Yeah, until you fell down the stairs."
Yeonjun tsks and pushes himself back, looking up at Soobin. "Hi."
He looks so good, in HD, in three dimensions. His cheeks are a bit flushed, maybe from hopping to the door from the sofa, and his eyes are gleeful as they blink into Soobin's.
"Hello, hyung."
"Give me my crutches? So I can give you the tour."
Soobin bends down and undoes his shoes, placing them gingerly on the shoe rack by the door, next to Yeonjun's worn out vans. Yeonjun leans against the front door while he gathers the crutches, abandoned against the side of the sofa, which still has a rumpled blanket on top, where Yeonjun had been sitting, reading a book that now lies on the tiny coffee table.
"So. This is the living room, and also your bedroom. I was warned by a certain someone he would be very pissed off if I attempted to get the bed out before he got here," Yeonjun says, pointedly, "so we can deal with that later."
Yeonjun has always been a very coordinated person, a dancer through and through, so Soobin is not surprised to see he handles himself on the crutches very well. The apartment is not very big, either -- it is Seoul after all. There are only three rooms: the small entryway/living room/kitchen, and two doors which he assumes lead to the bathroom and Yeonjun's bedroom. He's seen them both through video calls: Yeonjun has spoken with him while getting ready to go out on several occasions, so seeing Yeonjun's neatly organised collection of skincare products and make up in the cabinet under the sink is nothing new. He's also seen the bedroom: Yeonjun's double bed has a few plushies on it, the shelves are full of textbooks and small trinkets and there are strings of star-shaped fairy lights over the bed, full of printed pictures.
Yeonjun sits on the bed, gesturing around himself. "That's it. That's my whole place."
Soobin chuckles, turning around and looking into the shelves. He carefully picks up a built lego set, turning it around in his hands. "This one is new," he comments before putting it back in its place.
"Yeah. I needed a little pick me up after the whole, you know," he shakes the leg inside the brace.
Soobin hums. "I thought me coming was the little pick me up," he jokes, turning towards the bed, where Yeonjun has sat down.
Yeonjun giggles. Soobin has missed the sound, has missed hearing it in person, being the cause for it. "You're the big pick me up."
There's something in Yeonjun's face when he says that, a softness in his eyes that has Soobin holding himself back to not walk across the room and squish his cheeks. Yeonjun has such cute cheeks.
"Well, the big pick me up wants to do things. What's on the schedule for tonight?"
Yeonjun pushes himself up from the bed with a huff. Soobin is there immediately, reaching for him, but Yeonjun has been on his crutches for two weeks already, he can handle himself. He asks and pushes Soobin away with the end of his crutch, hopping towards the door already.
"I was hoping we'd play just dance," he jokes, already halfway through the hallway.
...
Yeonjun has an actual schedule. It's printed, stuck to the board behind his desk. Soobinie's Seoul Christmas Holiday, it says on the top of the page, in green letters over a purple background. Yeonjun drags Soobin out of the house by the sleeve of his half-zipped-up coat, mumbling about being behind schedule already. They took too long getting ready to go out, chatting from either sides of the mirror, and had to skip the video call parents and make bin's sofa bed steps. But, as Soobin rests his back against the mirror wall of the elevator, Yeonjun's face half-buried in the pink scarf he gave him two years ago, he doesn't care about the plan at all. He can see the corners of Yeonjun's eyes crinkle, he knows the older is smiling underneath the pink wool, and that's enough for him.
They get dinner in Yeonjun's favourite barbecue restaurant. It's only a few streets away, right between Yeonjun's faculty and his house. Soobin hasn't had Korean barbecue in a while, and he takes the perilla leaf rolls that Yeonjun makes for him eagerly. They don't have much to catch up on, they've kept in close contact this year, but there are still no silences over dinner, or afterwards, when the meat and vegetables have ran out and the soju is the only thing that keeps on coming from the kitchen.
They somehow make it back to Yeonjun's apartment without toppling over. Yeonjun is remarkably steady on his crutches, so much so that Soobin asks him how did he manage to trip and injure himself in the first place. His graceful dancer hyung. Yeonjun almost falls trying to hit him in retaliation, making Soobin laugh even harder. They brush their teeth side by side, giggling when their eyes make contact in the mirror. Soobin sits on the toilet lid while Yeonjun does his skincare, rambling about his research project supervisor, and it's all oddly domestic and nothing new at the same time. They've done this before, many times, except this time Soobin is actually in the room, instead of looking at Yeonjun get ready for bed from the four corners of his phone screen.
It's not until they've left the bathroom, Yeonjun reaching behind himself to turn the light off, that Soobin palms his forehead. "Fuck. The bed," he groans, "hyung, we didn't make my bed."
Yeonjun frowns, as if he's struggling to understand. He looks so sleepy, having yawned through the last of his skincare routine. His hair is still pushed back with a fluffy headband, and his cheeks are a bit red and glossy from rubbing products in. Soobin wants to hug him so tight, and then never let him go.
"Oh, no. Crap. See? This is why I made the schedule," he huffs, pouting. But he opens the door to his bedroom anyway, turning the lights on, and gesturing for Soobin to follow him. "Just sleep in my bed tonight. We can make yours tomorrow."
Soobin stands frozen by the door for a second. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows this is a very bad idea, but that's somewhere else. The thing that he is certain of right now is that he is tired. He finished classes just yesterday, with a big project to hand in. He woke up early to make it to the airport, he spent the whole day travelling. He's exhausted, and he deserves a good night sleep, without having to fuss over making the bed. There is no way he's getting the duvet inside its cover right now.
"Are you sure, hyung?"
Yeonjun shrugs, pulling the duvet open and reaching for a pillow, fluffing it a bit before shoving it in Soobin's direction.
"Besides, I don't know about you, but when I drink, I don't even move in my sleep."
Soobin nods.
"Sure, hyung."
Yeonjun turns removes the plushies, gingerly placing them on his office chair, and pulls the duvet off the bed. He stands over the mattress, hands on his hips, and turns toward Soobin, who is still closer to the door than he is to the bed, standing a bit awkwardly.
"Which side do you want?" Yeonjun asks, eyebrows furrowed, like it's a difficult math problem.
Soobin can feel his heart beating fast inside his chest. It must be because of all the soju, he thinks. He hasn't drank in a while, too focused on uni now. He takes a couple of steps closer to Yeonjun, who follows him with his eyes.
"I don't really... care, hyung. Which one do you usually take?"
Yeonjun's frown deepens. "It's... my bed only? I usually just sleep in the middle?"
Soobin giggles. Yeonjun looks so funny when he pouts like this. He's so tired, wow, he can't wait to get under the duvet. He's also so happy, for some reason. His hyung is here. Or rather, he's here. With his hyung. That's probably why.
Yeonjun turns back towards the bed, his long fingers tapping distractedly against the handle of the crutch he's leaning onto. "Hm. But it's stuck to the wall. That's not convenient for two people to sleep in."
Soobin chuckles again, reaching forward to carefully remove the crutch from under Yeonjun's arm, letting him use his arm as support while he places the crutch next to the other one, against the wall by the head of the bed. He notices the fairy lights switch is there, too, and turns them on. He hates going to bed in total darkness when he drinks, the world moves too fast.
"You take this side," he whispers, gently turning Yeonjun so he can sit on the edge of the mattress. "I'll take the wall, it will be easier for me to get in and out from the corner since I have two functional knees."
Yeonjun hums, too tired to laugh, and he reaches up to rub his eyes. He notices he's still wearing the fluffy headband and pulls it off distractedly. Soobin follows Yeonjun's movements: the sleepy eyes, the puffed out cheeks, the way his blonde hair sticks up after the headband is removed.
"Can I turn off the light?" he asks, softly, doing so when Yeonjun nods, already half buried in the duvet.
"Make sure to get covered enough, Soobinnie," Yeonjun half-mumbles. "The heating is on, but I don't want you to be cold either."
Soobin hums. He turns off the light and climbs over Yeonjun's lower body, being extra careful with his legs. He pushes the duvet open, crawling inside the bed, straightening the pillow Yeonjun threw at him earlier before snuggling in. The bed smells like Yeonjun, like his slightly floral detergent and the lavender candle he likes to light sometimes, like Yeonjun's conditioner. He takes a deep breath, snuggling the duvet even higher into his face, before clearing his throat, embarrassed. The room is still illuminated with the faint gold of the fairy lights, and he can see Yeonjun's side profile next to him. The older's eyes are already closed, but as soon as Soobin is done shuffling the duvet around himself, he opens them and turns to him, a small glint in his sleepy eyes. Suddenly, there's movement underneath the duvet, one of Yeonjun's hands reaching up and out until he's pushing Soobin's hair off his forehead with the smile in his lips half covered by the blanket.
Yeonjun is wearing his retainer, so when he speaks, there's a slight lisp to his words. "I'm so happy you're here, Soobinnie."
...
When Soobin wakes up, it's to overwhelming heat under a thick duvet. He groans and shakes his leg, trying to get the blankets off his body. His mouth feels so dry, and there is a slight headache building behind his eyes.
There's a noise beside him, a groan that mirrors his own.
"You kicked me," Yeonjun's voice says from somewhere to his left. Yeonjun's voice is raspy fresh after waking up, but when he rolls to the side and stretches, pulling some of the duvet off Soobin's body, he makes a long-high pitched noise and a satisfied hum. "Ah. I'm so thirsty."
Soobin dares to open his eyes, blinking away sleep and letting the brightness that seeps through the open curtains seep in. Yeonjun has rolled onto his stomach, and is now chugging down the contents of the bottle from his bedside table. He notices Soobin watching and takes one last gulp before offering it to him. "Want some?"
Soobin shakes his head, falling back against the bed with a huff and closing his eyes.
"I'm getting old," he complains. "My head hurts."
Yeonjun tsks and places the bottle back on the table, the metal clinking against the wooden surface. He snuggles back into the bed, this time curling on his side, smirking at Soobin from his pillow.
"Well, you better hope a paracetamol can get rid of it, because we have a lot on today's schedule."
Soobin groans and buries his head in his hands, trying not to smile when Yeonjun giggles next to him.
He goes to hug him, lifting a hand to Yeonjun's waist to pull him closer, when he realises what he's doing and stops himself. He pulls the duvet higher up instead, burying his face in the fabric. He hopes his blush can be excused by the warmth of the bed.
"Did you sleep well?" Yeonjun asks, an almost too wide grin in his face as he looks at him. Soobin suddenly feels an icy toe against his calf, and recoils, kicking up under the blanket and squeaking a noise he's not too proud to make. Yeonjun's foot continues up his leg where the pyjama trousers have ridden up, making the skin raise in goosebumps as the older giggles from his side of the bed. "Hyung!" Soobin scrambles, freeing his hands from their spot under the duvet and reaching to poke Yeonjun's waist, where he knows is ticklish.
Yeonjun's giggles turn into full on laughter, hands weakly trying to push Soobin off, but Soobin has one (two) advantages over him, his height (but mainly the fact that Yeonjun can't bend one of his legs). Soon, he finds himself straddling Yeonjun, knees on both sides of his waist where he (carefully) climbed in their squabble. Yeonjun is still giggling under him, eyes scrunched up and his hair still mussed from sleep. He looks so beautiful it hurts, but it also fills Soobin's chest with so much glee.
Soobin raises his hands. "Peace," he says, soberly, even though he's clearly won.
Yeonjun cocks his head to the side, the corners of his mouth still up in a wide smile. "Peace," he agrees, letting his hands fall from where he was trying to tickle Soobin back. One of them finds its way to Soobin's thigh, down by the knee. Soobin feels the heat of his skin through the thin fabric of his trousers, and the position they're in fully sinks in.
He jumps back as if startled, careful with Yeonjun's knee, stumbling onto the floor by Yeonjun's bedside. He looks down at himself: his left calf is out, the trousers having raised up in their scrambling, and his T-shirt is all rumpled.
He pulls the leg back into place and straightens his T-shirt. Then, he looks back at Yeonjun, who is still lying on the bed, up on his elbows, looking down at Soobin's newly covered leg, and then up at his face. He still looks warm and rumpled from sleep, and he's still smiling.
"The plan," Soobin stutters, "what's on the plan for today?"
...
The plan, as it turns out, involves getting breakfast in Yeonjun's favourite cafe shop first. It's not Seokjin's, he says as he opens the door, decorated with a wreath and some fake snow, but they do have shortbread cake. Yeonjun makes Soobin promise he'll say hi to Seokjin when he goes back to their hometown in nine days, and that he'll let him know his cake is still the best around. They sit and enjoy some sweets and a coffee before Yeonjun shakes the crumbs off his woollen coat and stands up, leading them to the next point in their schedule on time, crutches or not.
Soobin had been curious about Yeonjun's life in Seoul. He was here last year, after Christmas, but they only had time to have a quick lunch, so he's now eager to have Yeonjun show him all his favourite spots. He takes them to his campus, close to his apartment, and pouts and blushes but complies when Soobin requests to be shown to the inside of the medical sciences faculty, and the dining hall, and the courtyard where the students rest in the warmer months, from where Yeonjun has sent him many selfies. Yeonjun even shows him the dance studio in the student facilities building, where the dance club meet and practise. Since his injury, he hasn’t been able to dance, and there’s a slight pout to his lips as he turns around to the mirror. But he makes eye contact with Soobin through their reflection, and the pout is fast replaced with a smile.
They take the metro down to Yeouido park. Yeonjun insists it’s not too far and that they can walk there, but Soobin insists they have plenty of time left for him to exhaust himself on day one. The park is fairly quiet, a few cyclists passing them by, some small groups of people sitting on benches, a few couples holding hands by the railing. The cold air is nipping at Soobin’s face. Yeonjun is wearing his soft pink beanie, the one Soobin returned last year, but his nose is exposed to the cold, the apples of his cheeks turning pink the longer they spend outside.
“It’s a pity we can’t go ice skating,” Yeonjun said, eyeing the rink set up on the next section of the park. The Christmas carols can be heard from where they stand, the large decorated tree in the centre of the rink adding to the atmosphere.
“You have high risk hobbies, you’re just asking to get injured,” Soobin jokes, huffing and turning away from the ice rink and towards the river. The sky is overcast, but the forecast said it wouldn’t rain, and the grey of the clouds reflects on the water, metallic waves that extend all the way to the other side of the bridge, where it reflects the skyscrapers from the other shore.
“Blegh. What’s the point of having knees if not to use them?” Yeonjun replies. He’s leaning with his back against the railing, and the few hair strands that have escaped the pink beanie are being shaken by the gentle breeze, probably tickling his cheeks. He’s smiling at Soobin, a glint in his eyes.
Soobin rolls his eyes and gazes back into the river, feeling the cold metal or=f the railing under his arms where he’s leaning against it.
“How is it healing?” he asks, looking at Yeonjun. “I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but have you had it checked again?”
Yeonjun shrugs. “It’s fine. It’s a bit stiff, and I can’t put on much weight on it. But with the brace I’m all good, and I have the crutches for extra support.”
Soobin's gaze drops to Yeonjun's leg, the black and blue brace wrapping around it. He's wearing slacks underneath, a pair of loose dark trousers that will surely come up wrinkled by the bands of the brace.
Yeonjun places a hand on Soobin's shoulder, a barely there weight over the fabric of his puffer jacket. Soobin looks up at him, and he feels a little guilty, although he's not sure where that's coming from.
"I'm okay," Yeonjun says. "It's healing just fine."
Soobin purses his lips.
"I wish I had been here when you fell," he mumbles. It's so strange, primarily, he wishes Yeonjun had just never fallen, never injured himself. But most of all, he wishes he had been able to ride the ambulance with Yeonjun, hold his hand in the waiting room, listen to what the doctors had to say. Ride a taxi with him back home, help him to his house. Be a friendly face, a comforting presence through the whole ordeal. And, instead, he had been in a different country, a time difference away, a pixelated face when Yeonjun had called him. Because Yeonjun had called him, and he hadn't been there.
Yeonjun smiles, open. "Hey, no, it was really okay, see?" he punctuates by wiggling his ankle. "And besides, now you get to spend ten whole days with me in Seoul. Long overdue visit, by the way."
Soobin hums noncommittally, feeling a knot in his throat. Ah, yes, the Seoul visit that is long overdue because he panicked two years ago and decided to blank Yeonjun out, and that moving countries to forget about his feelings was a good choice. That one.
His thoughts must show on his face, because Yeonjun sighs and leans a little closer. "Hey," he says. "Do you like Tokyo?"
Soobin nods. He's happy there. He really likes the city, his friends, his professors. He started learning Japanese when he was a kid, the country on his travel bucket list for years. He's learnt so much, about himself, about living alone, about living in a foreign country, about independence and friendship.
"Yeah. Of course I do."
Yeonjun's smile widens. "Then why do you look so sad?"
Soobin shrugs. "I guess being here... what would it be like if I went to university here? I could go visit my family more often, I could look for placements in Korea, I could..." be with you, he doesn't say. "I struggled a bit with the language at first. And with the new city, and making new friends. And there was a bit of a culture shock as well."
Yeonjun sighs. He's still leaning against the railing, the wind mussing up the hair that escapes his beanie. He takes the hat off, pushes his hair back and puts it back on before turning toward Soobin. "I don't think that only happened because you moved to Tokyo," he starts. "I think it's just by fault of moving away from the place where you lived your whole life. We were in the same school forever, personally I don't even remember how I became friends with most people? And it's so much harder to make friends as an adult, too. You can't just ask someone if they want to play with you. And there's also the pressure to succeed, you know? I've been going back home more this year, spending more time with my family, but in my first year I was so focused on being independent, on succeeding at my classes and making friends and picking up extracurriculars and a job? I think there was this need to prove to others, and to myself, that I was, or at least that I could be, this idealised version of myself that I had built up in my head. And this was me, and I live three hours away from home in the train."
Soobin swallows thickly. It makes him feel a little bit better, but the guilt he feels by knowing that he fled, that now every time he sees them his nephews have grown several centimetres, doesn't fully go away.
"I know," he sighs. "I was really scared when you called me, you know?" he says, trying to cut the tension. "You need to walk more carefully."
Yeonjun chuckles. "I will, don't worry," he replies. "I was very happy you picked up the phone."
Soobin smiles, looking into Yeonjun's eyes. "Always," he replies. "Why... why didn't you call Kai first?" The question escapes his lips before he can control it.
Yeonjun's expression morphs into one of confusion. "Kai? Why would I call him?"
Soobin feels his cheeks heat up. "Huh. Is he not... your boyfriend?"
Yeonjun's eyebrows disappear under the beanie, and then he bursts out laughing. "Oh my god, no, he's not," he manages to say between laughs. "Why did you think that? he asks.
Soobin stutters, mortified under Yeonjun's amused eyes. "I... I don't know. You're always posting things together?"
Yeonjun snorts. "Oh, no. I would have told you if I was dating anyone," he adds.
"Okay," Soobin mumbles, considering jumping into the probably icy waters of the Han river in front of them.
Yeonjun's tone is softer when he asks, "what about you? Anyone you're seeing right now?"
Soobin clears his throat, turning his head back towards Yeonjun. He doesn't reply for a moment before shaking his head.
"What happened to the Japanese guy you were seeing last year?" Yeonjun asks. "Yuta, wasn't that his name?"
Soobin blushes even further. "Ah, no, we... we broke up. It wasn't working out," he simply says.
Yeonjun nods, thoughtfully. "I'm sorry," he replies. "I hope you're okay."
Soobin nods, still a bit uncomfortable, hoping Yeonjun doesn't ask any more questions. He pushes himself off the railing, clearing his throat and shuffling his hands inside his pockets. "Okay. What's next on the schedule, hyung?"
...
Soobin actually gets to meet Kai in person that night. Yeonjun has arranged for them to go to karaoke together, wit some of his friends from dance club and his classes joining them. Kai is a gentle giant, with kind eyes and an elegant nose, and he's warm and friendly to Soobin form the beginning, even though Soobin is always nervous when meeting new people. Kai laughs with his whole body, loud cackles as Chaewon attempts to dance the choreography of the boy group song she's screaming into the mic.
Soobin spends most of the night sitting in the bench by Kai. Yeonjun, as usual, flocks around the room despite his knee still being wrapped in the black and blue brace, standing in the corner, sitting between Hyunjin and Mina, then by Chaewon's seat while she screeches into the mic. He sings several times, some boy group song, a ballad, a duet with Kai. Like when they were in school, Yeonjun shines bright in the room, surrounded by people and laughter, attracting attention, eyes on him. And Soobin, like when they were in school, watches him thrive around people, soaking in the energy of the room, happy to get to know his friends and sip on his drink.
Yeonjun's gaze finds his every once in a while. Yeonjun smiles at him every time, his eyes shining with glee, getting more misty as the night goes on.
It's very late when they finally leave the karaoke bar. It's very cold outside, the sky clear but void of stars, like in Tokyo. Soobin misses the stars from their hometown, sometimes. It's funny, how the city is much bigger, but precisely because of that, the sky becomes more oppressive, space smaller.
"You're so drunk," Yeonjun giggles, and Soobin realises he said that out loud. But Yeonjun has always paid attention when Soobin rambles, and so he now stops to look up at the sky.
Soobin looks at Yeonjun instead. They're still warm from the noraebang, so the top of his coat is unzipped, his scarf laying loosely around his neck, hair ruffled by the light breeze that cools down their skin. Yeonjun's nose is a bit pink from the cold, and Soobin can also feel its sting in his cheeks, but it's a welcome contrast to the heat from inside. His side profile is beautiful, soft hair ruffling against his forehead, the pout of his lips more pronounced as he scrunches his eyes trying to see any stars.
"You're right," Yeonjun says, and he turns to Soobin. Soobin blushes, caught already staring at Yeonjun, but the older just smiles his way. "The sky looks like it's a ceiling here."
They start walking towards Yeonjun's apartment. He lives only a couple of streets away, and the streets are emptier now, silent as they make their way back slowly.
Yeonjun hasn't brought his crutches with him this time, so Soobin hovers close in case he wants to lean on him for support, but Yeonjun keeps some distance between them.
"I liked Kai," Soobin says after a couple of minutes of walking in silence. The cold is cutting, now that they're used to the temperature outside, so Yeonjun tightens the scarf around his neck, burying his nose into it, reaching inside his pocket to pull out a black beanie and put it on. He looks at Soobin when he speaks, and although he can't see his smile, Soobin knows he's amused by the glint in his eyes.
"Yeah? Kai specifically?"
Soobin shrugs, a bit embarrassed.
"Yeah. We spent quite a bit of time together, I guess."
Yeonjun hums. "Did you not think you'd like him?" he jokes. "Do you have so little faith in my ability to make good friends? I'm friends with you, so I don't know what that says about you..."
Soobin leans to the side and pokes Yeonjun's side, too careful with the gesture as to not make him lose his balance for it to have any real effect, but Yeonjun still squeaks and lightly smacks the back of Soobin's neck.
"No, I... I guess I... didn't really know what to expect of him?"
Yeonjun snorts. "Don't think I forgot you thought he was my boyfriend," Yeonjun goads, adding a little singsong, and making Soobin's blush even deeper. Blame it on the alcohol, he tells himself.
"Hyung," Soobin pouts, embarrassed. "You keep posting pictures together, just the two of you!"
Yeonjun giggles. He seems to be delighted by Soobin's mistake, which makes no sense for him. But Yeonjun is laughing, and that's good. Soobin likes that.
"Yeah, because we're close friends!" he chortles. "He's in dance club and studying nursing so we see each other around all the time."
Soobin nods distractedly. Yeonjun had thrown his scarf on carelessly as they were leaving the karaoke bar, distracted by the conversation with his friends, and he accidentally tied it tangled, the hood of his puffer jacket squashed underneath the soft wool. For some reason, this bothers Soobin so much. He leans forward, grabs the edge of the hood and carefully lifts the scarf until it's neatly laying atop the coat.
When he looks up, satisfied, he realises he's much closer to Yeonjun than he thought, the older man standing barely a few centimetres away, eyes wide and confused as he questions Soobin's movements.
Startled, Soobin takes a small step back. "Sorry," he apologises, letting go of the fabric around Yeonjun's neck.
He's surprised to see Yeonjun's lips break into a big grin. "Soobinnie is jealous," he suddenly taunts, with far too much glee in his face. Soobin takes another step back, shell shocked. His brain is attempting to restart, but he's still exhausted from the end of term, tired from yesterday's travelling and from today's long schedule, and slightly tipsy from the noraebang. Despite all this, an alarm is going off inside his brain. He can't let Yeonjun know how right he is, because the terrifying truth is he was jealous of Kai, of Yeonjun's supposed boyfriend. They just got back to being close friends, and there is no way Soobin is letting that escape through his fingers.
He clutches his chest, gasping dramatically.
"No I was not!"
Yeonjun seems to be vibrating out of his own body, laughing with his whole body, throwing his head backwards and stumbling slightly toward the shops that line the street. He stands up straight a second later, turning towards Soobin with parted lips and grabbing his hand, pulling towards the shop he's just noticed. "Come on, Soobin, let's take some photos. So you can stop being jealous."
Soobin groans. "I am not jealous," he huffs, but he lets Yeonjun drag him into the store.
The lights are on inside the shop, and he frowns in an attempt to protect himself from the sudden brightness. Yeonjun doesn't pay any attention to the table full of props, instead pulling Soobin straight into one of the booths that line the wall and closing the curtain behind them, blocking the light and the faint crhristmas music that filled the inside of the store.
They're just a little bit tipsy, just drunk enough to find things funnier than usual, not so drunk to say things they shouldn't. Soobin scrolls through the filter options until he finds one that gives them cute crown hearts, and coos, pressing the picture button and squeezing next to Yeonjun. They both smile at the camera, their faces looking back at them from the screen, pink hearts on their forehead.
"Cute!" Yeonjun says, fiddling with the screen so they can take another set after making sure his hair is out of the way under the beanie and pushing Soobin's fringe out of his face. Soobin flushes, but he hides it by lifting the hood of his jacket, an action immediately followed by Yeonjun, who giggles after they both pose with their arms crossed, leaning back against the wall behind them.
Yeonjun looks so happy, cheeks bunched up as he studies the photos they've already taken. He looks so handsome, eyes gleaming and focused on the photographs, long fingers tapping the screen. Soobin feels his chest about to burst, filled with too much happiness, glad they're taking pictures, that this moment will forever be immortalised in them.
Soobin puts his arm around Yeonjun's shoulders for the third picture, squeezing the older closer, until their cheeks are touching. He can smell Yeonjun's conditioner, his familiar floral scent, feel the cold of the metal earrings that Yeonjun is wearing today against his own skin. The two break apart, giggling, and Soobin keeps his arm around Yeonjun's shoulders when they lena forward to save the image and take another one.
It's after the last image is taken, one where they use their hand to portray animal ears above their heads with their cheeks still pressed together, that Yeonjun brings it up again.
"Now I can post these," Yeonjun says, sorting through the printed photo strips. They're still huddled close inside the narrow space, and Yeonjun looks up at him with a mischievous smirk. "So you don't have to be jealous of Kai."
Soobin stutters, trying to pinch Yeonjun but unable to do any harm through the thick fabric of his black hoodie. "I told you I was not jealous of Kai," he huffs, but he can't make it sound like a joke anymore.
Yeonjun smiles at him gently, his hands, still holding on to the photostrips, falling to his sides, but he doesn't step back, still standing only a few centimetres away from Soobin. Soobin could count every eyelash around Yeonjun's beautiful eyes if the lights were less dim. "You have no reason to be jealous of him," Yeonjun adds, and his voice is very soft now, almost tender.
Soobin licks his lips and sighs. He thinks he should be frustrated, annoyed at the fact that Yeonjun can't seem to drop this, but there's something in the older's gaze that doesn't let him feel that way. It's almost as if Yeonjun doesn't mean what he says, not with the way his eyes are full of tenderness as they look up at him, his fingers gentle as they push Soobin's hood off, as they tangle in his hair and push it back where it got messy.
In the end, there is not much that Soobin can say. "I shouldn't?" he asks, voice low. He's not sure what's going on, but he feels like if he thinks too much, if he raises his voice too much, it will end, and he doesn't want it to end.
"No, baby," Yeonjun whispers back, eyes dropping down for a fraction of a second and then travelling back to his eyes, smile widening when they meet, even though there's something else in them, in the slight frown of his eyebrows, a conflict that Soobin can't identify. "You'll always be my best friend."
Soobin chokes on his own breath, somehow, and at the same time, someone pulls the curtain of their booth open, letting all the bright light and Christmas songs into the booth in a jarring shock.
"Oh my God I am so sorry," the girl who interrupted them says, bowing apologetically as she lets them come out of the booth. Yeonjun is laughing, and he's still choking a bit, face bright red, something painful in his chest other than the pressure from the coughing fit.
"It's all good, we were already done," Yeonjun says to the girl with a bright smile, hand grabbing Soobin's again to pull him out of the small booth. Soobin has stopped coughing, but he's still frozen in place. "Come on, Soobin-ah, we need to go to bed. Long day tomorrow. Lots of things on the schedule."
They walk the rest of the street to Yeonjun's building, taking the elevator upstairs in a silence only interrupted by the occasional yawn, and it's not until they've shut the door and taken their shoes off by the entrance that Yeonjun has a look into the flat, spotting the sofa, and groans. "Ah, fuck, we forgot to make your bed again."
...
Soobin is no longer surprised when he's rudely awaken by Yeonjun's icy toes finding their way to his calf. He groans nonetheless, squeezing his eyes tight, and rolls over to bury his face in the pillow. "Hyung," he whines, voice dry from disuse. Yeonjun chuckles from his side of the bed, sitting up against the headboard.
"Come on, Soobin-ah, it's already ten."
Soobin shakes his head where it's hidden in the pillow. It's so soft, and the smell of his lavender shampoo has mixed with Yeonjun's fabric softener, so it also smells very good. "Can't we just spend the day in today? What's on the schedule?" he asks, peeking from where he's hiding his face.
Yeonjun pats his head softly, voice teasing but tender when he complains. "We did that yesterday. Why are you so tired today? Too many hours of baking for you?"
Soobin hums and burrows a little deeper, smiling when Yeonjun gets the message and starts scratching his head gently instead. "Demolishing you at Super Mario bros. was quite exhausting."
Yeonjun doesn't stop his petting, but he teases back. "So you admit it was difficult to beat me."
Soobin snorts. "It's okay. You have other strengths, hyung."
"Like scratching your scalp?"
Soobin's smile widens, and he rubs his forehead against the side of Yeonjun's leg where he's sitting next to him. "You do give ver good head massages, hyung. Thank you," he replies, trying to sound cute. He hears Yeonjun huff out a chuckle, but he doesn't take his hand away.
"We're going to Kai's place later," Yeonjun says a little while later. "We need to go buy some things for this, and I thought we could try another cafe for lunch."
Soobin finally lifts his head and looks at Yeonjun, amused. Yeonjun's hair is still messy from sleep, the strands pointing upwards on the side he slept on, and his cheeks and eyes are a bit puffy, but he looks beautiful as he stares down as Soobin, small smile in his pouty lips.
"Hyung, even if you try all the Christmas cakes in Seoul, none will be as good as the one at Seokjin's."
Yeonjun flicks his forehead. "Nothing's stopping me from attempting it. Come on up now. Chop chop."
Soobin makes the bed, easier for him as he can safely kneel on the mattress to get the duvet tightly I the small space against the wall, while Yeonjun makes them coffee and some omelette. He's been there for a week now, and they've developed a bit of a routine by now.
The bedsheets that Yeonjun had left by the sofa for his bed had been returned to their place in Yeonjun's closet after four days of them returning to a sofa bed-less flat in the evening, and Soobin doesn't mind this at all. Firstly because, no matter how comfortable Yeonjun insists his sofa is, there's nothing like an actual mattress for a good night's sleep. But he's also enjoying, too much, perhaps, their late night conversations in the dark, the way Yeonjun looks all soft in the morning when they laugh and plan their day. Soobin finds that he doesn't even mind the fact that Yeonjun pressing his cold feet against his legs has also become part of their morning routine.
Perhaps he should think about that, or about the fact that when he comes into the kitchen and finds Yeonjun humming a song in front of the hob he needs to hold himself back to not walk behind him and wrap himself around his waist, rest his chin on Yeonjun's shoulder and watch him cook. But the truth is he's used to feeling this way about Yeonjun, so he swallows the urge down and instead he just grabs the two steaming mugs of coffee that Yeonjun has left on the counter and places them on the small table, along with some chopsticks for the omelettes, which Yeonjun is currently placing on two bowls of rice.
The cake at the latest cafe Yeonjun takes them to is ranked second out of the six they've tried to date. The weather has improved considerably from yesterday, the sky being clear blue instead of pouring down rain, but it's also even colder, so they walk carefully where there are frozen puddles and tighten up their coats as they wander around Insadong before stopping by the shop to get some drinks to bring to Kai's place.
There are a few people already at Kai's apartment when they get there, Kai introducing him to his sisters and a couple of other people from the dance club he hasn't met yet. Soobin likes Kai's place, the small apartment similar to Yeonjun's but slightly less shoebox sized thanks to his flatmate, Taehyun, who Soobin instantly likes.
Yeonjun sits next to him on the sofa when they start playing mafia. He had asked Soobin several times if he wanted to come, knowing that finding yourself in a room full of strangers is not usually Soobin's favourite activity, but same as with karaoke, Soobin wants to get to know Yeonjun's life here in Seoul. But Kai and Taehyun are good hosts, and Soobin already met Hyunjin at Karaoke, so really, it's not that many new people to feel awkward around.
They play games until almost midnight, Yeonjun yawning and leaning his head on Soobin's shoulder after a while, Soobin smiling and patting his head softly, noticing how Kai is watching them, a strange expression in his face. He smiles at Yeonjun's friend, hesitant, and Kai smiles back, albeit tight-lipped. Yeonjun seems fully awake by the time they climb the stairs to the rooftop of the building, which gives them a view of the fireworks for the new year, only half-covered by the taller building next door.
Yeonjun's face illuminates in colours as the fireworks explode, cold-blushed cheeks hidden in greens and yellows and pinks. Soobin wishes he could kiss him, but he shouldn't, so he doesn't, but he still wraps his arm around Yeonjun's shoulder until they're flush against each other.
The fireworks are still going on, but most people shuffle back to the warmth of the apartment. Kai's laughter echoes in the rooftop as he opens the door to the staircase, which closes with a bang and leaves them in the silence of distant traffic and pyrotechnics.
"Are you cold, hyung?" Soobin asks when Yeonjun leans his head against his shoulder again. He rubs his shoulder gently over the thick puffer jacket he's wearing, even though Yeonjun shakes his head.
"I'm okay, Bin-ah."
Soobin hums and doesn't reply, turning his attention back to the New years' fireworks.
It's quite cold, to be honest. Yeonjun has both of his hands inside his pockets, but Soobin is not wearing any gloves, and his fingers are tingling in the cold. Despite that, he feels at ease. The fireworks are still going on, and there's traffic in the streets below, but there's a stillness in the air he hasn't felt in a long time, almost like time is standing still. The event downstairs was loud and fun and full of conversations and giggles that overlapped with each other, and music and snacks and the heat of seven people inside a small room. But there's nothing hectic about the rooftop, about Yeonjun's hair tickling the side of his neck over the neck of his coat, about the sold body next to him.
"I'm so happy you came," Yeonjun whispers, and by this point, Soobin knows the ups and downs of Yeonjun's voice better than his own. Yeonjun sounds like when they were six and seven and Yeonjun got into a fight at school and Soobin held his hand while Yeonjun waited for his parents to pick him up, like when they were thirteen and fourteen and Yeonjun's parents fought all the time and Yeonjun confessed he was worried they'll divorce, like when they were seventeen and eighteen and Yeonjun confessed he didn't know what to do next. He sounds like he's trying to put on a brave face, but it doesn't make sense. What is Yeonjun scared about this time?
"I'm so happy I'm here with you," Soobin replies. And it's true: there is a part of him that is healed when he's near Yeonjun, when he can just turn to the side and exchange a look and know what the other is thinking, when he can go to Yeonjun after a long day and have the older know without saying a word, when they can spend hours in silence, each focused on their own task without feeling lonely. Yeonjun has been with him every step of the way, every stage of life, and it feels wrong to not share the every day with him anymore, to lack the comfort of the safe space Yeonjun has always given him.
Soobin guesses it only makes perfect sense for him to fall in love with Yeonjun. After all, Yeonjun is kind, gentle, funny, sweet, handsome, intelligent. He's a bit annoying sometimes, don't get him wrong, but nobody's perfect. They've spent so much time together, grown in parallel, learning of the other almost before themselves. And then, suddenly, Yeonjun was in his last year of high school and he looked so good and he was so cool but he was still Soobin's Yeonjun hyung and--
Soobin hasn't planned any new years resolutions, and he's generally a very honest person so he wouldn't think of setting honesty as one, so he's not too sure where this comes from. But he's speaking before he has time to regret it, a blanket of stillness cocooning them into a bubble where he feels like he's floating. The colours of the fireworks reflect on Yeonjun's skin as he speaks. "Sometimes I feel selfish, because I miss my family, my nieces, and Tori. But when I wish I had chosen a university in Seoul, most of the times I think of you."
Surprisingly, Soobin's heart is not beating like crazy inside his chest. He is breathing slowly, the cold night air hitting the inside of his lungs. But he feels warm regardless.
Yeonjun takes in a sharp breath, but he doesn't move, his head remaining on Soobin's shoulder, Soobin's arm wrapped around him.
"Sometimes I feel selfish," Yeonjun replies after a moment. "I see you thriving, all the trips you take, the learning opportunities you're given, the life you've built in Tokyo," he says, in a low mutter, almost like a secret confession. He doesn't move to look at Soobin. "I feel selfish because sometimes I think of how it would be like if you were here, and I wish you had chosen to stay, too."
Soobin lets out a shaky exhale. "Hyung," he mutters, and Yeonjun lifts his head from where it was resting against Soobin's shoulder.
Yeonjun's fingers are as delicate as the flutter of butterfly wings when they find Soobin's chin, gently turning his head so he can look at him. Soobin's arm falls from his shoulders, but his hand finds its way to his waist, and Soobin already knows how Yeonjun's body feels under his hands, but this time it's different. There's no playful poking or tickling or play fighting, no comforting hug or cheering pat. Soobin's hand is resting on Yeonjun's waist and Yeonjun's hand is still on his chin, until it slides down to the side of Soobin's jaw, his neck, his shoulder, a weight that keeps him close. Yeonjun's eyes fall to his lips for a moment, before finding Soobin's gaze again.
Yeonjun's face is half hidden in the dark, half shadows, half colourful lights. Soobin's heart is still beating steadily, somehow, even though Yeonjun's face is mere centimetres apart from his, so close he can feel Yeonjun's breath against his lips.
It's still cold, sensation dimmed in his fingers as he raises his hand to graze Yeonjun's cheekbone, push a loose hair strand behind his ear, trace the line of his jaw and the shape of his bottom lip, feeling the shaky exhale Yeonjun lets out in response.
He's always been an anxious person. He hated speaking up in class, hates asking questions after lectures, had to hype himself up to meet with Yuta for their first ten dates and then again when he wanted to break up with him. When he had wanted to confess to Yeonjun, two Christmas ago, he had practised in front of the mirror, cheeks flushed just thinking about it. But now, somehow, even though the pink tip of Yeonjun's nose is touching his, he doesn't feel nervous at all. There's only a strange calmness, a feeling of a place falling back into position.
He doesn't even feel confused as to why Yeonjun's hand is on his shoulder, a gentle weight that keeps him close, or why Yeonjun's breath seems to stutter as he closes his eyes and gets even closer, so much so that his lips share the faintest touch with Soobin's.
He's been in love with Yeonjun since before he knew what being in love meant. Of course that Yeonjun would love him back. How did he ever even question this?
Soobin closes his eyes and closes the non existent space between them, pressing his lips against Yeonjun's for an instant. It's not a kiss, not really, but he feels the softness of Yeonjun's lips under his, and how cold his nose is, and Yeonjun somehow doesn't move away. Yeonjun sighs, and chases him when he moves back, and breathes against his lips and--
"We should go back downstairs," Yeonjun mutters.
He doesn't move, standing so close that Soobin feels the way his lips move when he speaks, petal soft against his own.
The fireworks have ended, and now they stand in the edge of the dark rooftop, only light pollution and traffic around them. The sky of Seoul still feels limiting, like a ceiling, tinted yellow with the reflection of the city lights. Yeonjun looks handsome even there.
Soobin doesn't react, doesn't feel sad or angry or disappointed. He simply breathes out and stays there for a moment longer, Yeonjun between his arms. Yeonjun's hands are gently holding him in place, like he doesn't want to let go either. But Yeonjun is right: they should go back downstairs, to the loud apartment and the games and the people. And then Soobin needs to get on a plane and go back to Japan, and they'll go back to talking only on the phone for months at a time, and who knows what will happen once they graduate.
So Soobin takes a deep breath, and sighs out, and then lets go of Yeonjun's waist.
Yeonjun's eyes are wide and a little scared when they meet his, but Soobin still feels safe in the dark emptiness of the rooftop, so he sends him a small smile, and holds out his hand, smiling wider when Yeonjun interlaces their fingers together. He leans forward and pushes Yeonjun's hair off his forehead, watching the way Yeonjun's eyelids flutter closed at the contact, the way he looks so sad when he opens his eyes again, even though he's still smiling.
Soobin kisses Yeonjun's forehead and leads them back downstairs, and they don't kiss again, but Yeonjun sleeps with his head tucked under Soobin's chin for the three days Soobin has left in Seoul.
Soobin brings him a box of Seokjin's christmas strawberry shortcake from their hometown when he stops in Seoul on his way to the airport. They barely even have time to have lunch together, but Soobin has time to sketch Yeonjun's overjoyed face at the plate of ramen in front of him in the new leather-bound sketchbook Yeonjun gave him, and Yeonjun is wearing the pair of artisanal earrings Soobin brought him from Hakone.
Soobin's flight gets delayed three hours because of snow. He spends them all trying not to cry.